I've been waiting for this chapter…
Disclaimer: I own nothing! If you sue me, you might get a few pennies…
Ryu's POV
It had been about a week since the Cat Fist fiasco and Ryoga had somehow discovered that Ranma had 'kissed' Scarlet. Of course, he couldn't let this 'affront' stand and was currently attacking Ranma. The battle didn't last long, however, as Ryoga managed to get himself wet and changed into a pig.
"Yeesh, when is everyone going to calm down about this kissing stuff? I don't even remember it!" Ranma grumbled and then we were ambushed by Sasuke wearing a cat mask. Ranma nearly had a heart attack and as soon as the hoax was discovered, pummeled the pint-sized ninja. Then Kuno showed up wanting a piece of Ranma. He still hadn't gotten over the kiss.
"Saotome you cretin!" Gosunkugi then turned up and tried to use his voodoo on Ranma, only to fail once again. Kuno resumed chasing after Ranma and then pig-Ryoga returned. So I decided to take out Kuno while Ranma punted Ryoga.
"Just a minute of relaxation, is that too much to ask?!" Ranma cried and then got splashed. I guess it was too much to ask. I just hope Kodachi doesn't show up to complete the onslaught.
"Oh, my darling Ryu!" That's my cue to RUN!
Ranma's POV
Well at least Kodachi wasn't chasin' after me. That woulda been one thing too many. So I decided to head home and take a bath to change back.
"Meow." I turned around and sure enough, there was that stupid cat Shampoo sent me. The cat then pounced me and I fell back into the tub. Then the cat turned into Shampoo…great another Jusenkyo curse and Ryu's plan to keep Shampoo away just bit the dust.
"So, you real man! Shampoo is so happy!" Then Shampoo glomped me just as Akane walked in. I expected to be killed on the spot, but Akane just walked away. I managed to escape Shampoo's clutches and after getting dressed, ran to Ryu's house.
"Ranma? You don't you know what time it is?" Ryu asked around several yawns.
"Never mind that! Shampoo's back and she knows I'm a guy now!" I shouted
"What? What happened?" Ryu questioned and I told him, "I'm surprised Scarlet didn't try and kill you."
"I know, but what am I gonna do? I was caught in a very compromising situation and you know how Akane is!" I shouted in panic
"It'd probably be best for you to camp out here for tonight so Scarlet doesn't try and kill you in the middle of the night while your defenses are down. Tomorrow, I'll come with you to see what can be done," Ryu said and after dragging out a sleeping bag for me, we both went to sleep.
The next day, we were heading to the Tendo house when we were ambushed by what appeared to be a shriveled up old lady, but boy was she fast. After a quick exchange, she called me 'son-in-law', told me she'd see me again, and left.
"Well that was weird," Ryu remarked
"Yeah, usually they stay until after I've gotten a good beating," I agreed and we continued uninterrupted to the Tendo house. We found Akane immediately and she splashed me with water and then punted me. When I got back, I discovered Shampoo serving everyone ramen and then told us she and her great grandmother had left China and moved here to Japan and opened a ramen restaurant.
"And thus, my great plan is for naught," Ryu lamented and then suddenly the Old Hag that had attacked earlier appeared.
"So, you're the one who managed to put one over on my great granddaughter. I must say, it was a very nice plan," The Old Hag commented
"And I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for some people's inability to take 'no' for an answer," Ryu sighed and then Shampoo introduced her great grandmother to us.
"So, son-in-law, why are you so stubborn about the whole marriage?" The Old Ghoul asked and then she and Mr. Tendo got into a stare down. She won.
"My, your Japanese is so good," Kasumi remarked
"I haven't lived three hundred years for nothing," The Old Hag remarked
"Really? And I wouldn't have guessed a day over two hundred," Nabiki quipped sarcastically and the Ghoul let out a cackle.
"That's nice and all, but I'm not marrying Shampoo!" I protested and then Shampoo dragged me to the bathroom. She then took off her clothes and turned into a cat. She changed back and told me how she had gotten cursed.
"Is your fault," Shampoo said
"How is it my fault?!" I protested and then I got whacked by the Old Ghoul
"I hold you responsible for this," She said
"I've had enough of your loony talk!" I shouted and tried to hit the Old Ghoul, but she was too fast. That didn't stop me from trying though. I chased her all over town but then she made copies of herself. But this didn't last long as Ryu managed to sniff out the real thing and she fled.
Eventually I found her and she didn't even hear me sneak up on her.
"My great grandchild knew what she was doing when she picked you to be her groom," She remarked
"I ain't marrying anybody!" I protested and then she poked me in the chest with her walking stick.
"In two or three days, you'll be begging to become Shampoo's groom!" She cackled and then bounced away.
When I got home, I went to take a bath, but for some reason all the water was boiling hot; even the water that was supposed to be cold! Then the old Ghoul showed up and told me that she had pressed something called the Cat's Tongue pressure point. Now I couldn't change back into a guy without killing myself! She then told me that the only way I would be able to change back was to agree to marry Shampoo.
One Week Later
Ryu's POV
Ranma had been a girl for a week straight and while she was putting on a brave face, Scarlet and I could tell he was one step away from completely snapping. It wasn't helping matters that he was forced to go to school and the administration wasn't exactly helpful.
"So what am I gonna do?! I can't go in the guy's locker room looking like this!" Ranma shouted
"You're not coming in our locker room!" Sayuri said quickly
"The way I see it, there are only two options. The first is for Ranma to wash in the guy's locker room after everyone has left," I said
"That wouldn't work, they'd either sneak back in or just say in there so long that Ranma wouldn't have a choice," Akane remarked
"Even under threat of death," Yuka agreed
"Or Ranma could wash up after all the girls have left that locker room," I suggested
"I don't know…" Akane said
"It's for a good cause, and since you'd all be gone anyway, it wouldn't matter if it was the alien's locker room," I added
"We'll discuss this and get back to you," Sayuri informed us and they walked off.
"I'm supposed to be a guy, not roaming around the girl's locker room," Ranma grumbled
"Well look on the bright side, now's an excellent time to train with your girl side," I remarked and Ranma just glared at me.
Two Weeks Later
Scarlet and I were at our wits ends trying to keep Ranma from snapping. We had barely avoided a breakdown three days ago when some drunken idiot had tried to rape him. His Dad wasn't helping either, going on and on about how his son was 'a weak little girl'.
At the moment, we had been drinking tea while coming up with our next move when suddenly we heard a scream. It was Ranma, who was relieving himself. Naturally, we rushed to see what the matter was,
"Ranma, what's wrong?!" Scarlet shouted
"I'm dying! There's blood everywhere!" Ranma cried hysterically
"Where are you bleeding?!" I asked
"Down there!" Ranma yelled and after thinking about it a few moments, Scarlet and I realized what was going on and both face palmed.
"There is no way I am explaining it to him! It was bad enough in Health when they showed us!" I declared
"You're not weaseling out of this! We both agreed to help Ranma and he needs it now more than ever!" Scarlet exclaimed
"Fine, but I don't have to like it!"
"Ranma? Ranma, please calm down, you're not dying!" Scarlet informed the hysterical boy-turned-girl.
"I'm-I'm not?" Ranma asked
"No, you're not," I assured him
"Then what's going on?" Ranma asked
"It's called a period and it happens to all healthy young girls," Scarlet said and I face palmed again.
"I'M NOT A GIRL! I'M NOT I'M NOT I'M NOT!" Ranma screamed and I felt it was a good thing everyone else was out of the house. Talking through the door wouldn't help anymore, so Scarlet went in and I just sat out in the hall. A minute later, Ranma walked out, but he was different. He was usually so active and his energy reflected in his eyes, but now he seemed almost cationic and his eyes were glassy. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him it would be fine, but I didn't know how to say it without setting him off again.
"Ranma and I are going to go for a walk," Scarlet said and they left. I decided it would probably be for the best if I didn't follow.
"I have to admit, I didn't thing son-in-law would last this long." I whirled around and spotted Shampoo's great grandmother.
"This is all your doing," I growled
"Son-in-law could change back at any time, when he agrees to marry Shampoo," The Old Hag replied
"Damn you! Ranma is my friend and I swear I will make you suffer a thousand times over for what you're doing to him!" I shouted
"You're a hundred years too young to fight me," She cackled
"We'll just see about that. When the time is right, you'll wish you had never even touched Ranma," I snarled and the Ghoul just shrugged and left. How could things have spiraled so far out of control?
Akane's POV
I hate to admit it, but I was scared. Ranma had barely said a word since we left the house and every so often I would see another tear rolling down his face. Ranma had always been so tough and now here he was, almost completely destroyed. I felt nothing but hatred for the one who did this to him.
"Akane?" I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I was startled by Ranma's voice, but quickly got over it.
"Yes?"
"Would you…hate me if I could never change back?" He sounded so vulnerable that I wanted to kill that old witch.
"Why would I hate you? It's not your fault you can't change back." I told him
"But everything's my fault, Pops said so." Ranma said before a new wave of tears started, "He said I was just a weak little girl and if I couldn't change back then…I deserve to be a girl!" Now Ranma was out and out bawling and I couldn't stand to see him so upset.
"Your Dad doesn't know anything! No matter what form you're in, you're still Ranma Saotome, the greatest martial artist and most macho guy around!" I declared and that got Ranma to calm down a little
"But what if I never change back…what if I'm a girl forever?" Ranma said it so quietly, as if saying it too loud would make it come to pass.
"Forget your Dad, no matter what happens, Ryu and I will always be your friends." I promised
"Do ya mean it?" Ranma asked
"Yes. We wouldn't care if you turned into a youma forever, we'd still be your friends. That's what friends do, even if friends fight. I admit that I haven't been the best friend to you and I'm sorry. I let this engagement crap our fathers are trying to pull get in the way. Well that stops right now! From now on I promise to listen to you first and do my best to be a better friend!" I swore
"Thank you…I don't know what I woulda done without you two!" Then Ranma finally stopped holding it in and let it all out.
"I needed that." Ranma said about fifteen minutes later. His eyes were red and puffy, but it was a definite improvement from glassy and distant.
"Let's head home. Ryu's probably climbing up the wall worrying about you." I remarked
"It's weird, thinking that someone's actually worried about me." Ranma commented
"Well you might as well get used to it, what with all the crazy stunts you pull." I teased and then we spotted Kuno running up with two bouquets of roses. "Do you wanna take him, or should I?"
"I feel like a quick work out." Ranma said and dealt with Kuno. After that, we made it home uninterrupted.
"Is everything OK now?" Ryu asked
"I think so. I decided I was bein' stupid about the whole thing. We'll pry the cure out of the Old Ghoul one way or another and until then it isn't worth worryin' about me being a guy or girl," Ranma answered
"Oh my son, how you disgrace your father by-" He was suddenly interrupted as the three of us belted him into the koi pond.
"Shut up Pop! I'm sick an' tired of you and your going on and on about my manliness! If I wanted your opinion, I'd have asked for it! From now on, I don't care what you say, I have my friends who really care about me and that's all I need!" Ranma shouted at his Dad and he brought up a sign that said
[Oh how you break your father's heart!]
"I assure you, the world's smallest violins are playing 'my heart bleeds for you'," Ryu quipped
[Insolent pup, I'll teach you!] With that, Mr. Saotome attacked, but didn't last long as we sent him into LEO or Lower Earth Orbit. After that was done, Ranma's stomach growled.
"All in favor of getting ice cream?" I asked and we were all in favor. Unfortunately, we never did get that ice cream. We got sidetracked by Shampoo, who said she had something important to tell us.
"OK, what is it?" Ranma asked
"Very happy news!" Shampoo chirped
"Happy for who?" I asked
"Ranma, Shampoo discover cure for full body cat tongue you have!" Shampoo told us
"Really? What is it?" Ranma questioned
"It is called the phoenix pill." Shampoo informed us
"Phoenix pill?" Ranma asked
"Like the bird that's reborn in flames," I remarked
"Champion of heat resistance," Shampoo confirmed and then she told us that her great grandmother had it and then left.
"Doesn't this seem just a little bit suspicious?" I asked
"Like what?" Ranma wondered
"What Shampoo said at the end, 'champion of heat resistance'. It sounded like she was trained to say that line exactly. Her Japanese just isn't good enough for a phrase like that," Ryu explained
"And that means the Old Ghoul sent her!" Ranma surmised
"And that means we should approach this with extreme caution," I said and we headed for the restaurant Shampoo had told us about, the Cat Café. I guess the Old Hag thought she was being cute when she named the place after Ranma's biggest fear. We found the Old Hag and she had the nerve to wear the phoenix pill around her neck. That ticked Ranma off and he attacked, but the Old Hag beat him time and again, even when Ryu and I tried to help. We got thrown out four times before Ranma spotted something.
"Staff wanted?" He read and then a sneaky grin came to his face. "Yo, Old Ghoul, can anyone apply for this job or what?" He asked
"Consider yourselves hired," The Old Bat replied and then cackled. If absolutely nothing else, we'd get paid to get our butts kicked every day.
Two Weeks Later
So far, we had yet to get the phoenix pill from the Old Hag, despite a few close calls. But she was on to us and was doing her best to run us into the ground. Thankfully, we had each other for moral support, but the longer this went on, the more of an uphill battle it became. On the plus side, we were all becoming better martial artist because of how hard the Old Bat was pushing us. Then one day things changed.
"Hey part timers, follow me!" The Old Hag then led us out back and started a fire.
"Let me guess, we're gonna roast marshmallows?" Ranma asked sarcastically
"Something else; Shampoo, give those to me," The Old Hag told us and then dropped some chestnuts into the fire. We then watched as she plucked them all back out of the fire.
"Legendary technique, Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken!" Shampoo told us
"If you three can master this, then taking the phoenix pill from me will be child's play," The Old Had said and then bounced off on her stick and Shampoo followed.
"Well, this shouldn't be too hard. I've been doing similar speed training for awhile now…only this Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken is faster," Ryu remarked
"Then we can use your training as a base line and work our way up," Ranma suggested and so we headed home to get to work.
One Week Later
"Foolish boy, how do you expect to carry on the Saotome School of Anything Goes if you can't pluck a few measly chestnuts out of an open fire?!" Mr. Saotome shouted so Ranma motioned for him to give it a try. Mr. Saotome tried to pull the chestnuts out of the fire, but failed and Ranma had to kick him into the koi pond to put out his Dad's gi.
"Part timers!" As if to make our day complete, the Old Bat had shown up to test us. "Lookie Lookie! Here's the phoenix pill that will turn son-in-law back into a man!" She cackled while dangling the phoenix pill in front of us. We attacked, but still couldn't get the pill and to add insult to injury, she stamped our hands and arms with the word 'reject'.
"You've gotten faster, but you're still too slow!" She told us and then showed us the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken again. After that was done, she left.
"Curse you Old Ghoul!" Ryu shouted after her, but she either didn't hear or didn't care. It didn't help that Ranma couldn't train with the fire because of the full body cat tongue. So Dad suggested we all go to the fair for some R&R. We'd been so busy for the past couple of weeks that maybe all we needed was a chance to rest and we'd be able to master the Amaguriken. It sounded like a long shot, but we were up against a wall.
That night, we headed to the fair. At first, we were all tense, but as the night wore on, we began to have fun with the games and food. Eventually, we came across one of those fish catching games with the paper nets. Just looking at the guy running the stand made me suspect he was a con artist and his rate of three hundred yen a go made me even more suspicious, but he said that if we could catch them all they would be free. Ranma elected to go first. Ryu and I watched as he managed to get all of the fish!
"What?! How did you-" The man started, but then Ranma put all the fish back
"Your turn Ryu!" Ranma exclaimed ecstatically and then he proceeded to copy Ranma's stunt and he then returned the fish to the tank and I gave it a shot. To my surprise, I was able to get all the fish too!
"Guys, I think we did it!" I exclaimed
"Not so fast you three!" Then the man pulled out a tank of piranha. "You three have to pull all the piranha out of the tank with your bare hands or you gives back all the goldfish!"
"I think we can handle this challenge, what about you two?" Ranma asked
"Bring it on!" Ryu crowed
"I'm game!" I cried and then we all gathered around the tank and proceeded to snatch all the piranha out of the tank before they could bite us! We had mastered the Amaguriken! Somehow, my Dad had been right! All we needed was a little R&R!
"Come one guys, let's go find the Old Hag and give her what she deserves!" Ranma shouted and we began running to the Cat Café, but before we got there, we discovered Shampoo tending to a Haunted House.
"Nihao!" She greeted and then told us that her great grandmother was inside the Haunted House. Eventually, we tracked her down to a lake of boiling water.
"If you want the phoenix pill, you've got to cross this boiling lake!" She called out
"If that's the way you want it, you Old Hobgoblin!" Ranma shouted back and he grabbed a nearby pole and jumped out onto the water while Ryu dived in. I got in the water too, but I didn't want to boil myself alive. The water wasn't that deep, so we didn't have to worry about both swimming and attacking at the same time.
We attacked the Old Ghoul and she fought back, but in the end, Ranma managed to come away with the phoenix pill. He took it out of the container.
"Hey, it looks like candy," Ranma remarked and then jumped off the pole he was using to keep out of the water and popped the pill in his mouth.
"That's because it is candy," The Old Hag snickered
"AHHHHH!" Ranma screamed when he hit the water. Ryu and I quickly got him out of the water and I found a hose to quickly cool him off.
"I switched the phoenix pill tonight just in case. Looks like it was a good thing I did, but the three of you have mastered the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken, congratulations," The Old Bat told us, "I'm very impressed." With that, the Old Bat left and we decided to go home. The fair had been fun, but we were all exhausted.
This is the first really major turning point from canon. I've always felt that the whole cat tongue experience was downplayed a great deal and so I decided to explore that time a little bit more and I feel the results are satisfactory. In addition, Akane learned the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken because of this and I feel like that's important and the newly cemented friendship between Ranma and Akane will continue to benefit them both.