Here's the next chapter with lots of vim and vigor.
Disclaimer: I don't know what possessed me to write that, but neither of us possess the rights to Ranma ½.
Ryu's POV
It had been two days since we had been tricked by Cologne and we were currently at school during gym class. Then Shampoo and the Old Ghoul showed up and tried to convince Ranma to marry Shampoo again.
"I'd sooner die than marry Shampoo!" Ranma declared and then sent a stone roller at the Old Bat. Unfortunately, she got away and even worse, the stone roller was cut in half by what appeared to be a new pain in our butts.
"Shampoo!" He exclaimed and then glomped Ranma.
"Who are you calling Shampoo?!" Ranma shouted and then the guy put on his glasses.
"Who are you?!" He shouted and then kicked Ranma. It's official, this one's going to be a real pain. He then took his glasses off again and glomped Scarlet. All three of us then pounded on him.
"Just who do you think you are?!" Scarlet asked
"I am Mousse, the man who is to be Shampoo's groom," He replied
"What you talking about? We only friends from child times," Shampoo remarked
"Mousse, weren't you spurned by Shampoo once before?" The Old Ghoul had returned.
"But-But that was when we were only three!" Mousse protested
"Age makes no difference," The Old Hag replied, "It has been decided. This man is Shampoo's groom."
"Have you no ears?! Ranma is engaged to Akane!" I decided it was better not to ask why Mr. Tendo was here and just go with it.
"You have a fiancée, yet you…and Shampoo…" Mousse muttered
"Now listen-" Ranma began
"ENEMY OF ALL WOMEN!" Mousse shouted and tried to attack Ranma, but he dodged Mousse's kick and perched himself on said appendage.
"If you'd just listen for a sec-" Ranma was cut off again by a punch that connected. Mousse called it the 'blow of the swan fist'. Then I noticed that it wasn't a punch.
"He's carrying a weapon!" Scarlet exclaimed and then Shampoo told us that Mousse was a master of hidden weapons. Then Mousse tried to attack again, but Ranma caught the weapon with his feet. It turned out to be a swan shaped training potty.
"OK, that does it!" Ranma growled
"I challenge you! If you lose-"
"You can't have Shampoo," The Old Hag quickly said
"Then I will take your woman!"
"No way! I'm not gonna let you use Akane like some kinda trophy! I've got way to much respect for her as a friend do to that!" Ranma protested and I couldn't help but reflect how much this cat tongue experience had matured him. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
"I wasn't asking you!" Mousse declared and then snagged Scarlet in a bunch of chains and hopped onto the fence with her. "You will fight me or you will never see her again!"
"I have half a mind to pound you now!" I barked at the kidnapping creep
"Ranma, you will face me after school today! And don't be late!" With that, Mousse bounded off before we could save Scarlet.
"May you live in interesting times indeed," Ranma grumbled
"Well, that was nice. Who wants to bet Scarlet's free by lunch time?" I asked
"I wouldn't put it past her. I hope she teaches that Mousse character a lesson," Ranma remarked and we got on with our day and sure enough, just as the lunch bell rang Scarlet was back among us.
"So, how was your time with the blind wonder?" I asked
"The idiot took of his glasses and I escaped with no problem. He didn't even check to make sure the chains were tight!" Scarlet exclaimed
"Sloppy work is what it is," Ranma commented
"So, how are we going to deal with him after school? I feel like going a few rounds with the new punching bag," Scarlet remarked
"He challenged me, so I'll take care of him. But I'll make sure to leave enough left over for you two," Ranma assured us and we agreed to let him handle it.
Akane's POV
After school, Mousse showed up and led us to the battle grounds…or maybe fair grounds would have been more accurate. Somehow, Cologne had managed to turn the whole place into a carnival with stands and everything. This reeked of one of her plots. Of course, everyone knew about the fight so everyone from school was there too.
"Guess we'd better get this over with," Ranma remarked and then jumped onto the stage that had been set up.
"Saotome, you enemy of women, prepare to lose!" Mousse declared
"Oh, I'm so scared of you and your magic tricks!" Ranma taunted
"Magic tricks?! Is that what you think of me?!" Mousse shouted
"Well sure, you just hide the junk up those sleeves of yours and then pull 'em out when you need 'em." Ranma replied
"Well then, I'll show you some 'magic tricks' you'll never forget!" Mousse then pulled out a live chicken and threw egg bombs at Ranma.
"Yawn! I don't care about your stupid tricks!" Ranma called out
"OK, I see what you want!" Mousse then shed his robe and lots of little knick knacks came with it. "We'll fight using our bodies alone!" With that, the battle resumed. It was a good thing that Ranma had gotten to used to his female body or he might not have remembered to compensate for the shorter reach of his girl type. But he did and the two combatants exchanged blows. Then an unlucky strike ripped Ranma's shirt…Ryu, like the proper gentleman he likes to think himself as, turned away. Unfortunately, for Ranma, the rest of the male crowd wasn't so…restrained. So I had to help Ranma beat the crowd back off the stage.
"TRY THAT AGAIN AND I'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER HAVE KIDS AGAIN!" Ranma roared and that seemed to get the perverts to lay off. Then Mousse attacked with spikes coming out from his shoes.
"What happened to 'bodies alone'?! I shouted at him
"Who do you think I am? I am Mousse, master of hidden weapons; my weapons…are my body!" With that, Mousse attacked with another weapon and ripped Ranma's shirt to shreds. Thankfully, I was quick enough to pull up Ranma's pants before they got too close a look.
"But Ranma, why do you want to fight as a woman?" Looks like Dr. Tofu has arrived
"Ask the Old Ghoul!" Ranma answered
"Whose an Old Ghoul?!" Cologne shouted back and then I told Dr. Tofu about the full body cat tongue.
"Full body cat tongue?! Why didn't you come to me before?" With that, Dr. Tofu walked up behind Ranma and hit a pressure point.
"What did you do?" Ryu asked
"I used the counter to the cat tongue, the 'Old Man Tokyo' pressure point." Dr. Tofu answered
"Those old guys sure do like their hot bathes," I remarked
"Does that mean we can use hot water on Ranma?" Ryu asked and Dr. Tofu nodded. So I grabbed a kettle and some hot water and took it to Ranma. Cologne tried to stop me, but Ryu played interference. Unfortunately, Mousse wasn't going to let his advantage slip away so easily. He destroyed the kettle of hot water, but he left himself open and Ranma managed to knock his glasses off. To counter, Mousse let loose a tear gas bomb. But during the confusion, I managed to get Ranma some hot water.
"Ranma, prepare to die! Behold, The Hawk's Talons!" Then Mousse came sweeping down like some oversized bird with claw like things sticking out of his shoes. Ranma quickly countered this threat and even returned Mousse's glasses. After that, he quickly dispatched Mousse.
"Impressive son-in-law," Cologne commented
"Hoped you enjoyed it ya Old Ghoul, cause now that I'm over your cat tongue, you can't do anything to-" That's when it started to rain and Ranma turned back into a girl. Then Dr. Tofu told us the Old Man Tokyo trick would only work once.
"What was that you were saying son-in-law?" The Old Hag asked
"Curses…well, it was nice while it lasted," Ranma sighed
"Don't worry, we'll conquer this eventually!" I exclaimed, but for now, we had to head home for dinner.
One Week Later
Ranma's POV
We had gone to confront the Old Bat again, but instead, we found a note on her door that said they were off to the beach. So naturally, we followed. Unfortunately, since I was still a girl, I had to go in a bathing suit and everything. I wasn't happy with it and Pops made sure to make it even worse.
"Lay off him you old coot! If I hear one more word about Ranma's manliness, I'll shut you up!" Ryu barked at him
"Insolent boy, mind your own business! As Ranma's father, I-" Pops didn't get much farther than that because both Ryu and I sent him into the ocean.
"If I had anything to say about it, you wouldn't be my father!" I shouted at him, even if he probably couldn't hear me. Then we spotted the Old Ghoul and chased after her.
"Give us the phoenix pill!" Ryu shouted
"Oh, never mind that, wouldn't you much rather compete in that?" We followed the Old Bat's finger and saw a 'martial arts melon splitting' banner.
"You have got to be kidding me," Ranma groaned
"But son-in-law, look at the prize!" We looked and saw Shampoo standing there holding the phoenix pill!
"Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in," Akane drawled
"You're gonna be sorry you messed with us, Old Ghoul. We're going to win this stupid race and get that phoenix pill!" I declared
"Ranma fight for me? I is so happy!" Shampoo cried and then glomped on me.
"Get off Shampoo! The only thing I want is the phoenix pill!" I shouted and eventually, she did get off.
"I have half a mind to stay here and show that Shampoo who's boss," Akane growled
"But if you did that, then we'd be down a fighter and a chance at the pill. And besides, who'd you rather get back at, Cologne or Shampoo?" Ryu asked and Akane chose Cologne. So we all lined up for the melon splitting race. The second the race started, Akane, Ryu, and I decimated the competition using our Amaguriken speed. Then we discovered the Old Ghoul was racing too. Then Pops and Mr. Tendo showed up and attacked.
"Ranma, how could you?! You're engaged to Akane!" Mr. Tendo cried, "How can you be trying to win Shampoo?!"
"Calm down Dad, we're only after the phoenix pill! Or would you rather Ranma stay a girl forever?" Akane asked bitingly and then took out our Dads.
"Only four contestants remain! The pig-tailed girl, the short haired girl, the young man, and the living mummy!" The announcer cried and then got whacked by the Old Ghoul. "The short haired girl has taken the lead!"
That's when Shampoo entered the fight.
"No one get by me but Ranma!" She declared, but Ryu snuck up from behind and took out her melon. We then rushed to the finish line, but then Pops and Mr. Tendo interfered again. They snatched up Akane and Shampoo and told me to kiss whichever one I really wanted.
"You idiots, I'm a girl right now! Ryu gets enough grief as it is and he isn't even gay! I don't want to inflict that same thing on anyone else!" I shouted and then we kicked them both into the ocean.
"I can't believe them! Like we were going to kiss just because of those two idiots!" Akane huffed
"Yeah! You two are just waiting until the time is right!" Ryu teased
"Exact- HEY!" Akane then hit Ryu in the head with her bokken. "Try something like that again and I won't go so easy!"
"I wouldn't imagine it," Ryu said serenely, but we all knew he would do it again sooner or later. Meanwhile, I could feel myself blushing. Would Akane really be OK if I…kissed her? These thoughts didn't last long, as suddenly the Old Ghoul appeared and tried to take out our melons.
"End of the line, part timers! The only way you're getting past me is if Ranma agrees to marry Shampoo!" She cackled
"We'll just see about that! Right guys?!" I shouted
"Right!" Both Akane and Ryu shouted and we attacked. Then, in a split second, all our melons shattered.
"What?! How did you destroy my melon?!" The Old Bat cried and then I managed to disarm her.
"What's the matter, old age finally catching up to you?" I taunted
"You haven't beaten me yet," The Old Ghoul croaked
"Is that so? OK, let's make a deal. If I beat you, you have to give me the pill," I told her
"Wait a second Ranma, this is too easy," Ryu remarked
"Yeah, after all the times we fought her, she's gone down way too easy," Akane agreed
"Maybe your right…OK Old Ghoul, new plan, give me the pill now!" I barked
"You'll have to beat me first!" With that, the Old Ghoul snatched her stick and sent the three of us flying. We landed in the water and she came after us. The Old Ghoul then created a water cyclone and began trying to choke me into submission. It's a good thing Ryu and Akane were there or I might have been in major trouble. We threw her out of the water spout, but she came right back…riding on a shark.
"You crazy Old Bat!" Ryu gurgled and then the water spout stopped and we fell right in front of the shark.
"SWIM FOR IT!" I heard someone shout
"Feh, I use this shark only as a foothold, behold, the Shark Fist!" The Old Ghoul shouted and then rammed us with high pressure water. We got tossed around pretty good, but we were still conscious. Unfortunately, Akane started sinking. We had been trying to teach her how to swim, but so far, she could only do so for a few minutes before sinking like a brick. I guess we would have to keep at it. Until then, Ryu and I carried her back to shore. We managed to make it, after being 'aided' by another Shark Fist attack.
"OK, NOW I'M REALLY TICKED OFF!" Ryu roared
"Wait! I have an idea!" I shouted and then splashed Shampoo. I hated to do this, but the Cat Fist was my ace in the hole.
"Alright Saotome; but two cats are better than one!" I was too scared to have any idea what he meant, but before I became a cat, I noticed he started acting cat-like too.
Akane's POV
Now both Ryu and Ranma were using the Cat Fist and Cologne was doomed. On a side note, Ryu's Cat Fist was different from Ranma's. Ryu still stood on two legs like a human being and seemed less…feral than Ranma did. If I had to guess, either it was because of the different ways the Cat Fist was taught or maybe Ryu had trained with his Cat fist, or maybe a combination of the two.
"That stance…but how?! How could you possibly know the Cat Fist?!" The Old Hag cried, and I noticed a note of terror had crept into her voice. Neither Ranma nor Ryu answered, but instead attacked. The Old Ghoul tried to defend herself with the Shark Fist, but Ranma took care of those with ease by cutting it to ribbons with some kind of energy claws. Ryu quickly followed up and…took care of the shark. Ranma continued to attack Cologne.
"Ranma, that's enough!" I called out and he simply jumped into my lap. I was worried about how we were going to get Ryu to turn back, but it turned out I didn't need to. As soon as the fight was done, he was able to snap himself out of it.
"How did you do that?!" Genma asked
"Unlike Ranma, my cat side is tamer and so I have a greater measure of control over it. Also, that part of my psyche and I have a…working relationship." Ryu then shrugged at that point. He obviously didn't care for the choice of words, but couldn't think of a better way to describe it. Then Cologne dragged herself to shore.
"To think, both of you knowing the Cat Fist…maybe fate has brought you together?" Cologne then cackled, "In any case, no one has given me such trouble in fifty years! I know I can't beat two practitioners of the Cat Fist. I admit defeat." The Old Bat then threw me the phoenix pill and bounded away.
"I just hope that's the real phoenix pill and not another candy," Ryu grumbled
"Amen! I don't know what I'd do if this were another fake," I sighed
"Cry a little and then go into a bloodthirsty fit of rage?" Nabiki suggested
"Most likely," Ryu remarked and I couldn't help but cracking a smile.
Eventually, we managed to get Ranma out of the Cat Fist and give him the pill.
"Well…here goes nothing!" Ranma then tipped a kettle of hot water over his head and he changed back! It was the real pill!
"Thank goodness that's over!" I cried and then slumped down on a chair
"It's good to be a guy again," Ranma agreed
"I just hope the universe gives us the break we deserve," Ryu remarked
"What? With me around? I give it three days before someone comes busting down our doors again," Ranma quipped and we all couldn't help but laughing at that. Oh well, it was good to have things back to 'normal'.
Thus ends the phoenix pill arc. I know in the manga the Dojo Destroy isn't until much later, but I have plans for the Instant powder…as such, Dojo Destroy is next chapter like in the anime.