Well, California has finally seen fit to spit me out of the abyss, so I might as well type up this chapter before I'm swallowed up again!
Disclaimer: Jonah got swallowed by a whale, but I haven't gotten the rights to Ranma ½.
Akane's POV
Something was bugging my Dad and Mr. Saotome. I couldn't quite place my finger on what it was, but they were acting weirder than usual. Thankfully, Ryu had returned the night before. Unfortunately, he was going to leave again to deliver a package for his brother.
"So your fathers have forgotten to take their medication, what else is new?" Ryu quipped
"It's not just that, all last night they were quoting old rhymes about bad luck and demons. It's like they're expecting one to show up on our doorstep," I remarked as it started to rain.
"Well, given the weirdness that seems to follow me around, I wouldn't put it pass them to actually know a demon. In fact, that might explain a lot of things," Ranma snarked and then we heard screaming. We turned the corner and found a strange old man.
"Akane!" He cried and jumped at me, but I didn't know him. This seemed to hurt his feelings. Then the little monster tried to grope me, but Ranma and Ryu put a quick stop to that. Then he sprung at Ranma and managed to grope him in his girl form. Ranma quickly removed him.
"You dirty old man, what do you think you're doing?!" Ranma shouted
"And it better be a good answer or I might have to remove you from this plane of existence!" Ryu growled
"You're Soun Tendo's daughter alright, you're so high spirited," The old man grunted
"How do you know my father?" I asked, but he didn't answer. So, against our better judgment, we took him home. When Dad saw the old goat, he looked like he'd seen a ghost…or a demon.
"Master, thank goodness you're alright," Dad said and hugged the small old man. Then Mr. Saotome walked in and quickly walked back out when he spotted the old man. Something was up and it was probably going to blow up in our faces. Dad then tried to pound the old man, but he threw Dad into the koi pond. Then the old man spotted Mr. Saotome in his panda form and saw right through the disguise.
[I'm just an ordinary panda!] Mr. Saotome's sign read
"If I'm going down, I'm taking you with me!" My Dad swore to Mr. Saotome.
"What's going on here?" I wondered
"They've been replaced with pod people," Ranma deadpanned and then Dad and Mr. Saotome told us about their 'training' under Happosai. Somehow, it explained so much, yet so little. They also told us about their attempt to kill off the old coot, but obviously, they had failed.
"Maybe you should have used more plastic explosives," Nabiki quipped
"More like a minor nuclear warhead," Ryu remarked
"Well it ain't human I tell ya!" Ranma growled
"He survived getting blown up and survived for over a decade without food or water. I think that definitely qualifies him for non-human status," I quipped as the old man slurped down more sake.
"It's your own fault for not finishing me off when you had the chance," Happosai chortled and that's when Mr. Saotome and Dad attacked, but both were quickly beaten by Happosai.
Later, Happosai informed Mr. Saotome and Dad that he wasn't here for revenge, but he was looking for an heir to take over the Anything Goes School. Suddenly Mr. Saotome and Dad were packed up and ready to move to China.
"If I didn't know you two as well as I do, I wouldn't believe you'd let this old man scare you like this," Ranma snarked and then Mr. Saotome tried to sign over all his parental rights to Happosai. Ryu kicked him out of the yard.
"You lost all parental rights long ago you fat panda!" Ryu shouted and then Happosai tried to grope Ranma and succeeded. It didn't last long, as Mr. Saotome reappeared with hot water and changed Ranma back. Ranma then tried to attack Happosai, but was sent flying into the back wall of the compound for his trouble.
The next morning, Happosai kept trying to grope Ranma, but his success was limited. Things took a turn for the worst when Happosai tried to get Ranma to wear a frilly bra. We tried to escape to school, but he followed us. On the way, Happosai groped Shampoo, but Cologne intervened when she tried to take revenge.
"Shampoo, you'd best leave this one to me," Cologne warned her great-granddaughter, "An old goat like you chasing after young girls? You outta be ashamed of yourself."
"It's the ghoul of the Amazons vs. the Freak of Nature in an anything goes fight to the finish! This I gotta see!" Ranma crowed and the two went at each other, but somehow Happosai managed to slip a bra on Cologne and then left.
"He's better than I remember," Cologne muttered and then advised us not to tangle with Happosai. Unfortunately, Ranma's hot head got the better of him and before Ryu or I could stop it, the two were going to have a fight.
Later that day, just as school let out, we spotted Happosai running away with a bunch of girl's underwear. The old coot then tried to use Ranma as a scapegoat, but that plan didn't work as well as he'd hoped. I'm starting to wonder if the whole Cat's Tongue fiasco wasn't a blessing in disguise.
Anyway, Happosai's setup failed and Ranma tried to fight the old man, but failed. Happosai wanted Ranma to put on that bra, but Ranma was steadfastly against it. So Happosai suggested that if he beat Ranma then Ranma would wear the bra, but if Happosai lost, he'd drop it.
The battle was fairly even, until Happosai pulled out a cheap trick with his battle aura. So Ryu decided to step in and while Happosai was distracted, punted the little monster all the way to the Juban district.
"With any luck, someone will be able to kill him over there," Ryu remarked
"Somehow, I don't think it's going to be that easy," I said
"Probably not, but we can dream, can't we?" Ranma asked and then we felt a collectives shiver run up our spines.
"Nope," We all said at once. Happosai was going to plague us for a long time to come.
Happosai will be kept to a bare minimum until I think of a proper way to kill him off. That is all.