Quick note before we begin this chapter: for some reason, I haven't been getting emails from Fanfiction, so if any of you review and I don't respond right away that's why. Thanks for your patience and continued reading!

Disclaimer: I own what I own and Ranma ½ is not one of those things.

Ryu's POV

It was that unfortunate time of year again. The time of the interschool drama competition and once again the Furinkan High Drama Club was on their hands and knees begging Scarlet to join them. Scarlet thought they wanted to caster her in a tomboy role, so she offered up Ranma as a replacement. Naturally, he wasn't too keen on the idea either.

Just when it seemed they had given up for the year, they pulled out their ace in the hole. They offered Scarlet the role of Juliet. The role she had always wanted to play since the time she had been cast as Romeo back in the fourth grade.

Scarlet accepted the role and then the first trickling of Hell came through in the form of Kuno demanding to be cast as Romeo. More cracks in the dam became apparent when Gosunkugi appeared and said that he wanted to be Romeo. Then the floodgates burst open along with the door as Happosai made his bid for the part of Romeo known.

By some miracle, the head of the Drama Club managed to worm his way out of giving any of them an answer and fled the building as soon as the bell rang. Scarlet, Ranma, and I all headed to the Tendo compound and whilst Scarlet was daydreaming about her new role, Kasumi and I filled Ranma in on Scarlet's past history with the Shakespearian play.

The next day, it was announced that Akane was going to be Juliet and the role of Romeo was yet unfilled. All the usual suspects *cough* thepervertpatrol *cough* jumped at the chance, but (un)fortunately, Kuno and Happosai took down the mob. Then Kuno and Happosai goaded Ranma into participating in the play with a few well placed remarks about his manhood. Somehow, I got the feeling I would end up cleaning up the mess.

In any event, the Head of the Drama Club thought it would be a wonderful idea to have the three Romeos fighting during the play. Or that he would rather stick his head into a lion's mouth than tell any of the three they were unfit for the part. Take your pick. According to the rules, the last Romeo on stage would be considered the 'real' Romeo.

With good reason, Scarlet was worried that they would ruin the whole thing, but there wasn't much that could be done about it, unless we wanted Happosai, Gosunkugi, and Kuno all throwing hissy fits that would definitely ruin the play.

For some strange reason, Ranma decided to ask his dad what he knew about Romeo and the response written on his sign was [He's from the planet Krypton]. I couldn't suppress a snort of laughter.

"We're doomed, we're all so doomed," Scarlet moaned and I couldn't disagree with her.

One Week Later

It was almost Furinkan High's turn, so Scarlet and I went to check on our wannabe Romeos. We found Kuno and Happosai, but neither Ranma nor Gosunkugi. Then Ranma came bursting through a wall. Apparently, Happosai had managed to seal him in a concrete block and bury him, but he had escaped.

Then Gosunkugi showed up dressed like a girl and gave Ranma a costume. It was so obviously a trap it was almost painful. Anyway, Ranma gave it back and it turned out that it had a bomb on it, so Gosunkugi got blasted.

After that, we discovered Raman thought Romeo and Juliet were father and daughter. Akane spent a good five minutes railing on him for his stupidity and then told him a very brief summary of the play.

"So that's why Happosai, Kuno, and Gosunkugi all wanna be Romeo!" Ranma exclaimed in understanding.

"Well Scarlet, if nothing else, this won't be a performance anyone will forget any time soon," I remarked

"That's what I'm afraid of," Scarlet groaned

Finally, it was time for the play to begin. Naturally, Ranma, Kuno, and Happosai were at each other's throats, but Gosunkugi was nowhere to be seen. However, Sasuke has managed to sneak on stage and was trying to play the part of Romeo too.

Thankfully, Ranma was able to make short work of the pint sized ninja. This was quickly followed up by Gosunkugi popping out from behind one of the prop bushes and trying to put a stake through Ranma's heart. This failed too.

During this time, Kuno and Happosai managed to KO each other, so Ranma was in the clear to be the official Romeo. Unfortunately, Mr. Tendo and the fat panda decided to stick their noses in where they didn't belong and tried to force Ranma and Scarlet to kiss.

Luckily, Ranma managed to kick both their butts before I had to step in, but Happosai and Kuno, being the sore losers that they are, hopped back on stage when they awoke and kicked Ranma off the stage.

Scarlet managed to send Kuno flying off into the crowd, but Happosai caught her. However, Ranma managed to pull a switch when no one was looking, managed to get Happosai drunk, and locked him away. Where he found all that sake, I don't want to know.

Then Kuno managed to trudge back to the stage, turned the tables on Ranma, and got him drunk. It was then we learned Ranma was able to hold his liquor about as well as your average three year old. Thus, we had Ranma, in his girl form, drunk as a skunk, with Kuno more than willing to take advantage of the situation.

Ranma managed to hold Kuno off for a few moments before he collapsed into a drunken stupor. I was about to step in and kick Kuno to Matsudo, when Scarlet reappeared with a sword in hand and fought Kuno. In the meantime, Mr. Tendo and the panda tried to sober Ranma up.

Ranma did wake up, but then shocked everyone senseless when it seemed he kissed Kuno. Thankfully, we soon saw that he had taped Kuno's mouth shut. But while we were all still reeling, Gosunkugi returned and used chloroform on Scarlet.

"Come one step closer and Juliet dies!" Gosunkugi threatened and started backing away with Scarlet in tow. However, he was soon disposed of by Kuno, who then tried to kiss Scarlet while she was unconscious.

It took some doing, but eventually Ranma and I managed to tie up every other wannabe Romeo. Then the Head of the Drama Club pointed out that the only way to finish the thing was for Ranma to kiss Scarlet.

I was a bit worried about the whole thing, but thankfully, Scarlet woke up in time and pulled the same trick on Ranma he had used on Kuno. Or to put it more plainly, Ranma (aided by Mr. Tendo's Demon Head technique) went to kiss Scarlet and got a mouth full of tape.

"Well that was fun…let's never do it again," I snarked on the way to our respective homes.

"Amen," Ranma agreed

"I've learned my lesson: don't get baited into a play when you're going to end up surrounded by plots of murder and/or marriage," Scarlet deadpanned

"Especially not romantic plays," I added and I went my separate way. I'm just glad things didn't go terribly wrong, even if I did nearly have a heart attack. I suppose that's the price you pay when you hang around Ranma Saotome for too long.

Next up, the chapter I've been waiting for, for a long time!