I am not from the future! Maybe…
Disclaimer: Wibbly Wobbly Timey Whimey can be confusing. The fact that I don't own Ranma ½ isn't.
Ranma's POV
Well, so far it has been uneventful since that showdown with Ukyo three days ago. Which could only mean one thing: shit was about to hit the fan. I didn't know what kind of shit, but I've learned by know to know that when things get quiet, it's only fate waiting to hammer me. Sure enough, no sooner than I walk into the schoolyard, Ryoga shows up and tries to smash my face in with a tanuki statue.
Somehow, he had heard about Ukyo. Unfortunately, that same source didn't tell him that we were just friends. So Ryoga, being his bullheaded self, decided to try and kill me to preserve Akane's honor, never mind the fact that Akane, Ryu, and I were all tryin' to tell him that, no matter what my old man said, Ucchan and I weren't engaged.
Then Ucchan walked into the whole mess, not knowing what was going on, and starts chucking those throwing spatulas of hers at Ryoga. Naturally, Ryoga thought Ucchan was a guy, because she had come to school in the guy's uniform like she usually does. Then, during the fight, Ryoga's umbrella sliced the front of Ukyo's shirt, exposing her bound chest and startling Ukyo.
Of course, Ryoga, being the dense idiot that he is, was going to beat her into the ground without noticing a thing, so I stepped in and pointed out the obvious before kicking the shocked Ryoga into a nearby tree. Of course, for valiantly protecting Ukyo from getting turned into street pizza, I get a giant spatula to the head. Some days you just can't win.
Continuing that day's stupid streak, I decided to cart the KO'd Ryoga to the nurse's office. Although, since we don't actually have a nurse, the four of us had to make sure he didn't go wandering off and hurt himself more.
Then, while my back was turned, he tried to suck up to Akane. I couldn't allow that, so a quick splash of water and Ryoga was clasping hands with me and not Akane.
"Aw, Ryoga, I didn't know you cared," I teased, only to have him throw a kettle of boiling water in my face, followed by that tanuki statue. One of these days, I'm going to learn my lesson. Today's not yet that day.
Ryu's POV
It was Saturday. A day I thought was going too well, until Ukyo showed up and told Ranma and me she had set Ryoga and Scarlet up on a date.
"Oh…YOU WHAT?!" Ranma shouted
"Do you think there's still time?" I wondered
"We have to hurry! It might already be too late!" Ranma exclaimed
"Would you two idiots slow down and tell me what's going on?!" Ukyo yelled and then a thought occurred to me.
"No one's explained Jusenkyo to you yet, have they?" I asked her
"Jusen-what?" That was all the answer I needed
"We'll tell her later, we have to go now!" Ranma said urgently and we rushed off to Ukyo's restaurant, affectionately named Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. When we got there, the place was empty.
"Maybe Ryoga lost his way and never showed up?" I said hopefully, and Ranma just gave me a level glare.
"When has anything around here gone so smoothly? We'd better check out back. She might have buried the body," Ranma said and went to check
"Why are you two so dead certain that Akane would want to kill Ryoga?" Ukyo asked, but before we could answer, we saw Scarlet and Ryoga walk by the restaurant.
"Ranma, you're not going to find Ryoga out there!" I called to him
"And how are you so sure?" Ranma shouted back
"Because he and Scarlet just walked by," I answered
"WHAT?!" Then a red blur shot out the front door and out onto the streets…in the wrong direction.
"I'm not going to get any answers until this fiasco is over with, am I?" Ukyo asked me
"Probably not," I told her and we took off after Ranma. When we found him, he was wearing nothing but his boxers and getting stomped on by a bunch of girls. All I could do was facepalm, before Ukyo and I dragged him away. All the while, Ranma was muttering something about Ryoga.
Once Ranma was clothed again, Kasumi was kind enough to tell us Scarlet had been back and that she and Ryoga had headed off to the park. Ranma was about to charge off again, but I managed to grab him by the pigtail.
"Last time you went rushing off without us, you ended up in your boxers getting lynched. How about you let us come along this time?" I asked while keeping my grip on his pigtail. He relented and we all walked to the park where we found Scarlet and Ryoga in a boat.
"Why that no good, sneaky little pig," Ranma growled
"Hold your horses, Mr. Wild Stallion, let's find out why Scarlet's not trying to give Ryoga a dirt nap before we do anything crazy," I said, only to find I was talking to air. Ranma was already on a boat himself, heckling Ryoga. So Ukyo and I got a boat too, and got there just in time to see Ryoga clock Ranma with a paddle and send him into the lake.
Then Ranma burst forth from the lake, in a brown wig, with a pink dress, hat, and glasses claiming to be Ryoga's fiancée. Suddenly, things started to make a twisted kind of sense. Ryoga was always giving Ranma grief about the engagement his old man and Mr. Tendo had set up, so he was giving Ryoga a taste of it. Meanwhile, Ukyo was just wondering Whiskey Tango Foxtrot was going on.
Also, Scarlet was greatly unimpressed with Ranma's antics. She took a swipe at him, dislodging the wig, but Ranma didn't notice. When Ryoga saw that bright red hair, the jig was up.
"I'd get while the getting's good, Ranma," Akane remarked
"Ranma?! I don't see any Ranma!" Ranma exclaimed
"Did she say Ranma?!" Ukyo shouted in confusion, just before Ryoga got a good grip around Ranma's head.
Wisely, Akane abandoned ship and Ryoga started trying to kill Ranma. The fight went on for a minute or two before Ryoga tried an aerial kick, which Ranma dodged, threatening to send Ryoga into the water. But at the last minute, Ryoga grabbed Ranma, threw him into the water, then used him as a stepping stone to get to shore. This also had the effect of KO'ing Ranma
"Well that was fun. Let's never do that again," I remarked
"CAN SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON?!" Ukyo cried
"In a minute, first I want to know why Scarlet here even went on a date with the pork chop," I said
"When I first saw the letter in the okonomiyaki, Happosai had munched some of it, so I thought it was a challenge letter. So I went to Ucchan's just like it said, only to find Ryoga there expecting a date. I just didn't have the heart to turn him down just over a misunderstanding," Scarlet explained
"So you went on a pity date with him," I stated and she flinched
"That makes it sound really bad," She complained
"You're not denying it," I observed, "You know you shouldn't give him false hope like that."
"I know," Scarlet acceded and we fished Ranma out of the lake before heading over to Ucchan's to give Ukyo an explanation for everything that had happened.
"So there's this place in China where if you fall into one of the springs, you get a curse that transforms you with water? You expect me to believe that?" Ukyo asked
"If you don't believe us, then see for yourself!" Ranma exclaimed, before dousing himself with hot water…before realizing he was still wearing that pink dress. "I hate my life."
With that, Ukyo found herself a new plaything, splashing Ranma with hot and cold water to trigger the transformation. I don't know why she found it so entertaining, but to each their own, I guess.
Thus, the final score for this escapade was as follows: One (1) pity date for Ryoga, one (1) new plaything for Ukyo, two (2) pictures of Ranma's guy form in a pink dress, three (3) therapy session's worth of crap for Ryoga, and one (1) longwinded explanation that should have been given two days ago. All in all, a score that leaves me feeling a bit like a fifth wheel, but not a total loss.
I am back from the worst case of writer's block I have ever had! I CAN WRITE AGAIN! THANK GOODNESS!
In other news, I know some of you have been asking about my treatment of Genma in this story. If I wanted to sound like a master writer, I'd tell you what I have planned for him was planned all along. However, that'd be a lie. The truth is I'm too lazy to go back and change everything around it, so I just came up with a sub-plot for Genma that will hopefully be to your liking.
With that, ladies, gentlemen, and others, I bid you a fond farewell, until next time. Scarlet-Eyed-Demon signing out.