*insert your favorite meme here*
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over either memes or Ranma ½
Ukyo's POV
I couldn't even remember if I had ever been to a hot springs before, so when Akane's friends offered to take me to one, I jumped at the chance. I was so excited I could barely sleep the night before.
When the day finally came, Yuka, Sayuri, and I were all at the bus station on time, but Akane only barely made it. Once we were on the bus and Akane had caught her breath, Sayuri and Yuka pressed her for details.
"Oh, the usual; my dad and Mr. Saotome tried to get Ranma to come to the hot springs with us, Happosai tried to hide in my bag…nothing special," Akane told us.
"I don't know how you put up with it Akane," Sayuri remarked.
"I'd probably go crazy inside a week," Yuka agreed
"It's not that bad, once you get used to it," Akane protested, her cheeks going slightly red. "Besides, I know a few people who'd go completely nutty if things got too 'boring'." The three shared a giggle at that, but who she was implying was completely lost on me. Maybe Ranchan?
The rest of the bus ride followed in the same way. Sayuri, Yuka, and Akane sharing what I could only describe as 'girl talk', while I felt more and more like a third wheel. I knew better than to think any of them were doing it on purpose, the fact of the matter was I wasn't a great conversationalist at the best of times. If it wasn't about okonomiyaki, martial arts, or Ranchan, I was up a creek without a paddle. Talks about clothes and makeup and other girly stuff might as well be in another language.
Thankfully, things took a turn for the better once we actually got to the hot springs resort.
"It's been too long since I've been to a hot springs," Yuka said as we paid for our stay
"When was the last time? I think it was back in middle school, right Yuka?" Sayuri asked
"Yeah, second year, but Akane and Ukyo went to different middle schools," Yuka pointed out
"Last time I went was with my sisters two years ago. Nabiki managed to get us all free passes…somehow," Akane answered
"I'm guessing the less we think about it, the better. What about you, Ukyo?" Yuka asked and I felt my cheeks turn red as I answered.
"I don't think I've ever been to a hot springs before."
"WHAT?!" The other three shouted together and my blush became redder. Sayuri and Yuka then grabbed me from either side and started pulling me forward.
"Come on, there's no time to lose! Since this is Ukyo's first time, we have to show her everything!" Sayuri proclaimed and I think she was as good as her word. Ping pong tables, gift shops, tennis courts, a basketball court, a cafeteria, a small arcade room, and a bath house. Once Sayuri was properly satisfied that I had seen all the most important parts, we put on our bath robes and headed out to the hot springs. Of course, none of us could have expected what we would find there.
"And now, for the centerpiece of any hot springs resort-" Yuka was suddenly cut off
"IT'S A BEAR!"
"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Just as those two suspiciously familiar voices shouted, a bear, painted to look like a polar bear, rose out of the brush. The girls already in the hot spring, thinking it was someone in a costume, threw their buckets at him. It didn't take a genius to figure out who had come up with this stupid plan.
"Sayuri, Yuka, you two go on ahead. Ukyo and I will go and make sure that 'bear' is really gone," Akane growled.
"Make sure to give that 'bear' an extra lump for me!" Sayuri said with a smirk and took Yuka into the hot springs. Akane and I walked into the brush and almost immediately found Mr. Tendo, Genma, Ranchan, and to our surprise, a pissed off looking Ryu.
"Ryu, what are you doing here?" Akane asked
"I am here under protest. I don't know why these clowns," Ryu jabbed a thumb at Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome, "saw fit to shanghai me, but I was minding my own business and next thing I know, I'm in a sack halfway here."
"I told you already, you foolish boy, when dealing with The Master, we need all hands on deck!" Genma barked
"That doesn't explain why you're here and why you're looking to pick a fight with Happosai!" Akane shouted at Genma and her dad
"These two old fogies are afraid of some secret technique the old freak has buried here," Ranchan explained
"Answers! Honest to god answers! Was that so hard?!" Ryu cried
"Umm…who's Happosai?" Suddenly five pairs of eyes were fixed on me. Then, before anyone could answer, I felt something land on my chest. Against my better judgment, I looked down.
"I'm Happosai, m'dear!" A wave of revulsion rose up in me and I hit the micro demon for all I was worth.
"Master, please, control yourself!" Mr. Tendo begged
"That thing is your master?!" I asked in disgust
"Happosai ain't my master!" Ranchan declared and quickly wound up eating dirt.
"Show some respect to your elders, you ingrate," Happosai grumbled while lighting a pipe and sitting on Ranchan's back. Ranchan growled, but otherwise didn't look like he was able to move.
"Happosai is pretty much the most perverted freak of nature ever to crawl out of Hell," Ryu remarked, while giving Happosai the stink eye, which Happosai returned.
"So where is this secret technique hidden?" Akane asked and was directed to a small boulder right in the middle of the hot spring. This was followed by a facepalm and a sigh. She then made a beeline for the boulder and then blew the freaking boulder to bits grabbed the scroll that had been under it, and came back with it. I know I had said something about finding myself in a manga, but I hadn't been serious!
Of course, no sooner than Akane walked up with the scroll than Happosai snatched it away. Fortunately, he hadn't been looking where he was going for his getaway and ran right into Genma and Mr. Tendo, both welding clubs. They managed to get a good swing on him and sent him flying, leaving the scroll behind. Genma picked it up and opened it.
"Ah…Akane, are you sure this is the only scroll that was under that rock?" He asked
"What are you talkin' about, old man?" Ranchan then snatched the scroll from his dad and looked at it himself. He furrowed his eyebrows and turned the scroll a couple different ways before handing it off to Ryu.
"Chicken scratches!" He declared after a few moments, "Happosai's handwriting is completely illegible!"
"Do you think we can get the master to translate it?" Mr. Tendo wondered
"If it's so dangerous, why don't we just burn it?" Ryu countered
"NO! This scroll is a sacred part of the Anything Goes School! Burning it would be a sacrilege!" Genma protested
"Wait, I've got an idea!" Ranchan suddenly said. He shared his idea and it sounded like it might actually work. So, at the crack of dawn, Ranchan in his girl form, Akane, and I were all out on the tennis court, decked out in full tennis gear. The idea was to lure out Happosai with us as the bait.
"I don't know if this is going to work…" Akane said worriedly
"Relax; it's a picture perfect plan. If he doesn't come, then I'll be worried," Ranchan stated confidently and sure enough, as soon as Ranchan finished that sentence than Happosai appeared, attacked to…his (?) butt. Come to think of it, do I use different pronouns if Ranchan is a girl? I could ask him later, but right now, capturing Happosai was more important. Fortunately, Genma, Mr. Tendo, and Ryu were all over it.
"I knew it was a trap! I just knew it!" Happosai wailed
"If ya knew it was a trap, why'd ya walk right into it, stupid?" Ranchan taunted
"Now master, if you would be so kind as to translate this for us," Genma said, placing the scroll in front of Happosai.
"Umm, isn't this the scroll with the Fire Burst? Won't he just turn around and use it on us?" Akane asked. We all turned to look at her for a moment. Genma and Mr. Tendo started chickening out, Ryu and I both facepalmed for not realizing this flaw sooner, and Ranchan asked why she didn't bring this up sooner. Just when it looked like we were all doomed, we got a lucky break.
"I can't read my handwriting!" Happosai cried and we let out a collective sigh of relief. Ranchan, Mr. Tendo, and Genma all started taunting Happosai to the point where he got so pissed; he shredded the scroll in anger.
"Well, that's this whole escapade made a waste of time," Ryu quipped as Genma and Mr. Tendo, with newfound courage, began beating up on Happosai. As it turns out, they shouldn't have tempted fate. That beating must have knocked a few cobwebs out of Happosai's brain, because suddenly he remembered the dreaded Happo Fire Burst…, which turned out to be nothing more than a firecracker summoned with Ki.
"You brought this on yourself!" Happosai shouted, before throwing one of the fireworks, which Ranchan smartly bounced back with his tennis racket.
"The dreaded Happo Fire Burst, countered by an everyday tennis racket. That's sure one amazing secret technique," Ryu deadpanned as Happosai tried a few more Fire Bursts before giving up on the regular model. So, he summoned a firecracker about as big as a two story house. Fortunately, Ranchan came prepared. After luring Happosai, who was riding the firecracker, near the edge of a cliff, he unloaded a lacy pink bra. Happosai was unable to help himself and jumped off the firecracker to grab it.
We expected him to get run over and fall off the edge, but he stopped the rolling firecracker with a single finger! Ranchan wasn't having any of it, so he gave the firecracker some help with a friendly push, sending both the firecracker and Happosai falling off the side of the cliff. None of us thought Happosai survived, so Ranchan, Genma, and Mr. Tendo were all very happy. Unfortunately, even that wasn't enough to kill the old pervert. We were on the bus home and suddenly he appeared, back to his usual tricks.
"He ain't human I tell ya! He just ain't human!" Ranchan cried in exasperation. Well, all in all, I'd say my first trip to a hot springs was fine. Weird, but something I'd like to do again, hopefully without a certain pervert.
So thanks to a sudden bout of insomnia, you guys are getting this chapter almost immediately after the last one. At least it didn't take me a year this time… A few things I want to make mention of this chapter. First, I had absolutely no intention of Ryu being here. As he said, Mr. Tendo and Genma just randomly kidnapped him and before anyone noticed, he was at the hot spring. Secondly, I made this an Ukyo chapter mostly because I want to show her actually becoming part of the group, rather than her suddenly being completely in the know about everything. That'd just be lazy. In addition, I want to showcase some of her personal struggles, which I will hopefully expand upon in the future. Finally, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed. Next chapter promises to be fun…