Does anyone know what those wooden tubs people take to bath houses and stuff are called?
Disclaimer: I don't know what those wooden tubs are called because I don't own one. I don't own Ranma ½ either.
Akane's POV
"You're kidding me, another challenge letter?" I asked. Ranma, in his girl form, and I were on our way home from school and he had suddenly remembered that he had gotten a challenge letter in the mail that morning. Ukyo had just split off to head to her restaurant and Ryu was on classroom duty, so it was just the two of us.
"I dunno how I forgot about it. Probably too used to Ryoga's challenge letters showing up two weeks ahead of time," Ranma grumbled
"Well read it," I told him
"'Prepare yourself; I'm coming to take your life. Signed Tsubasa Kurenai.'" Ranma read off, "Is Tsubasa a girl name or a guy name? I guess it could be either. I wonder if I know 'em"
"Well whoever they are, they sound serious. I wonder why this one's after you," I said, but before we could start speculating, a red mailbox came running up the street yelling 'CHARGE'.
"RANMA SAOTOME, PREPARE TO DIE!" The red mailbox, unknowingly imitating Ryoga's favorite battle cry, jumped into the air towards Ranma. He dodged and the mailbox plowed into the wall that he had been walking on. However, this only stopped the mailbox for a moment.
"CHARGE I SAY!" Ranma dodged the mailbox again, this time it hit a telephone pole. Said telephone pole then collapsed right on top of the mailbox. Then a very angry looking girl came bursting out of the mailbox, giving Ranma a death glare. The girl tried to continue her attack on Ranma, but she collapsed.
"Looks like Genma strikes again," I deadpanned.
"Dammit old man," Ranma swore. We then checked to make sure she wasn't too badly hurt and if Ranma recognized her.
"What the hell happened?" We both looked and saw Ukyo coming towards us. I guess she had heard the noise.
"That's what we're trying to figure out Ucchan. I got a challenge letter this morning and I think this girl is the challenger," Ranma said
"Tsubasa?!" Ukyo shouted in surprise once she looked at the girl on the ground.
"My dear, dear Ukyo…" The now named Tsubasa muttered in her sleep.
"A friend of yours, Ukyo?" I asked.
"Hardly," Ukyo then grabbed a garbage can from somewhere and then she and Ranma stuffed Tsubasa into it before Ukyo sent it sailing into next week with her giant spatula.
"Great, I never thought anyone would follow me here," Ukyo complained
"Funny how that seems to work around here," Ranma snarked and got Ukyo's spatula upside the head for his troubles.
"Ha ha, Mr. Funny. Let's go see if Ryu's done with classroom duty and then we can head to my place. I don't want to explain this more times than I have to." So we went and got Ryu and then all headed to Ucchan's.
"You know, it's a nice change of pace, not having to deal with one of Genma's messes this time. So, enlighten us Ukyo, how do you know this Tsubasa character," Ryu asked once we all sat down. Ukyo gave him a half-lidded glare before starting her story.
"Me and Tsubasa were in the same homeroom back in middle school." Ukyo started.
"So why's Tsubasa so mad at me?" Ranma interrupted.
"Well…you know how I pretended to be a boy up until I came here? Tsubasa developed something of a crush on me. No matter how many times I said no, Tsubasa kept on fawning over me. Gifts, love letters, chocolates, the whole shebang. So one day, I may have gotten a bit frustrated and told that pest that I had a fiancée. I left to come here to Nerima a few weeks later and thought I'd never see Tsubasa again." Ukyo explained. Then, the subject of the conversation suddenly appeared, standing on Ranma's head and pushing his face onto the griddle.
"But rejection only spurred me on! I decided that I would write letter after letter until the sky was filled with pretty pink envelopes!" Tsubasa exclaimed
"Yeah, I got one of those letters a few weeks ago. So I thought I'd take some of the heat off me by sending Tsubasa here a picture of Ranma. Like an idiot, I put a return address on the envelope." Ukyo told us and Tsubasa started crying.
"Which Ranma was it in the picture?" I whispered so Tsubasa couldn't hear us
"Girl Ranma, of course, what'd you think? Tsubasa thinks I'm a guy, ok? I didn't want anyone to think I was a pervert." While this conversation was going on, Tsubasa was inspecting Ranma.
"What're you lookin' at?" Ranma asked after a bit.
"You're butt ugly," Tsubasa declared
"Butt ugly?" Ranma repeated in a disbelieving tone and Ryu couldn't hold in a snort of laughter. Then Ranma started to act weird…almost like his feelings were actually hurt. He then turned around and leapt into Ukyo's arms.
"Ukyo sure doesn't seem to think I'm butt ugly!" Ranma crowed, completely oblivious to our reactions. Ryu, predictably, went completely to pieces trying to stop from laughing out loud, Ukyo had one of the best confused faces I have seen in a long time, and I just facepalmed. Tsubasa was completely incensed by this display.
"I'll show all of you!" Tsubasa shouted as she ran away in tears. Ranma, ever gracious in victory, was wagging his tongue at her. Then Tsubasa, disguised as a soda vending machine, came charging back in. Ranma dodged, but Tsubasa destroyed the doors and a good portion of the counter.
Ukyo, naturally, was pissed and about to flatten Tsubasa when I got an idea. Just as Ukyo was raising her giant spatula over her head, I grabbed her from behind and opened the front of her work cloths, showing of her bound breasts.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Ukyo shouted and quickly covered up again.
"Do you get it, Tsubasa? Ukyo is a girl," I explained.
"Well why didn't you just say that from the beginning?" Ranma asked Ukyo.
"Oh yeah…" Apparently, that thought had never crossed her mind. However, if we thought this revelation would shake Tsubasa, we were sorely mistaken.
"Ha! What kind of a fool do you take me for? Don't you think that I already knew that my dear, dear Ukyo was a girl? It's because Ukyo's a girl that I'm interested in her," Tsubasa declared and then challenged Ranma to a contest. The winner would get Ukyo. Before anyone could say anything, Tsubasa ran away, only stopping to call Ranma butt ugly one more time.
"Do you think we should tell 'em that ship has sailed?" Ryu asked
"Well look at it this way. If Ranchan wins, Tsubasa might stop bugging me. If Tsubasa wins, things stay exactly the same. What've I got to lose?" Ukyo answered
"I WILL NOT LOSE!" Ranma shouted. For some inexplicable reason, being called butt ugly was really hurting his feelings. I was tempted to ask why that phrase exactly set him off, but given this was the same guy who regularly scammed free eats using his girl side's looks and was tossed repeatedly into a pit of cats when he was a kid…I recognized that way probably lay madness. Everyday life in Nerima was madness enough, thank you very much.
So the next day came and Tsubasa announced the specifics of the challenge. She and Ranma would both take fifty okonomiyaki. Whoever sold the most in an hour would be the winner. She had even made a poster to announce it to the school.
"HOW DARE YOU INVOLVE MY RESTURANT WITHOUT PERMISSION?!" Ukyo roared and flattened Tsubasa with her spatula. "But I have to admit, a campus sale off is a great idea."
"Do you really think so? I'm so happy!" Tsubasa squealed and the rest of us triple facepalmed.
Soon enough, the lunch hour game and both Ranma and Tsubasa had their okonomiyaki ready. As soon as the bell rang, they sprinted out into the courtyard. All the female students were inside eating their lunch like normal people and looking at the spectacle. Ryu was inside too, reading a book. The rest of the student body was outside.
"OKONOMIYAKI FOR SALE! BUY FROM WHOEVER YOU THINK IS CUTER!" Tsubasa shouted at the crowd. Surprisingly, Tsubasa was cleaned out almost instantly while Ranma didn't sell one. Ranma, being Ranma, took the loss hard. Kuno showing up and trying to hug Ranma didn't help his mood.
I dragged Ryu down to the courtyard so we could try and cheer Ranma up.
"I can't believe I lost," Ranma whined
"Really? I could've told ya you'd lose in a heartbeat," Ryu remarked
"What?! Why?!" Ranma shouted
"Because the whole of the school knows who you are. They all know you're a guy. Half of them were probably afraid you'd kill them if they bought an okonomiyaki from you. After all, Tsubasa did say to buy from the one they thought was cuter. Real girl trumps Jusenkyo curse." Ryu explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world…which in hindsight, it was pretty obvious. Then Ranma got a look on his face that said he had just gotten an idea, an awful idea, a wonderful, awful idea.
Sure enough, fifteen minutes later Ranma was running around with a wig and wearing a bunny girl costume. It did the trick. Ranma started selling okonomiyaki like there was no tomorrow, but I could only stomach a few minutes of the display before I grabbed him by the ears and dragged him away. Unfortunately, for him, I had intervened when he had only one more okonomiyaki to sell and the hour was almost up. So he started trying to think of a way to sell the last okonomiyaki while twirling it around on his finger like a Frisbee. At this point, I was starting to get a little fed up with this whole thing.
"Ranma, you're driving me crazy!" I barked and then Tsubasa, disguised as a tree, funnily enough, made herself known. She gloated for a bit, but then Ukyo showed up and said she would buy the last okonomiyaki.
"Dear Ukyo…how cruel. Why don't you just admit it? You don't want to go out with me at all, do you?" Tsubasa then started to cry, "Why? Why couldn't you just tell me that from the beginning?"
"I did!" Ukyo protested, "But no matter what I said, you wouldn't give up!" Tsubasa then promised that Ukyo would never hear from her again and ran away. Ranma, being the softie and all around good guy that he is, went after Tsubasa. Ryu, Ukyo, and I, being Ranma's friends, then went after him, if only to see how much of his foot he could fit in his mouth before we had to bail him out.
We eventually found them talking on the swings. It looked like Ranma was consoling her. Then Tsubasa took Ranma's hand and…oh no, I already knew where this was going! Ranma realized it a beat later and took off with Tsubasa in hot pursuit.
"Is Tsubasa fickle or what?" Ukyo commented. Ryu and I just turned and gave her a funny look.
"I'll bet just about any girl will do," I remarked
"Well, eventually Ranma will find some hot water and we'll be shot of Tsubasa," Ryu added
"Poor Tsubasa," I said
"Actually, it's Ranma I feel sorry for. As Tsubasa's previous target, I know just how dogged that one can be." Ukyo then sighed before leaving to open her restaurant. Ryu and I went to follow Ranma and Tsubasa just as rain started pouring down. Eventually Ranma managed to give Tsubasa the slip.
"Dear, dear Ranma, why did you leave me? WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME BACK?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!" Tsubasa cried
"You might want to get rid of the crazy costume for starters," A random passerby snarked and got a chuckle out of Ryu. I decided to take pity on the crying Tsubasa and took her to a nearby restaurant.
"Seriously Tsubasa, you're better off without hi…er…her. I'm sure you can find yourself a more normal person." I told her
"Never!" She declared, "Never, never, I hate boys!"
"Really? Funny, so do I." I told her and then Ryu gave me a creepy smile that promised great torment in the future, "Present company excluded." The look left.
"You shouldn't," Tsubasa said, surprising me.
"But you just said-"
"Or maybe you just want Ranma all to yourself!"
"Yes Scarlet, do you want Ranma all to yourself?" Ryu asked with a smug, toothy grin. I stomped on his foot under the table.
"Who said anything about that?!" I shouted while blushing furiously
"So you don't want her, what a relief," Tsubasa sighed
"Can we just talk about you? You're the one I'm worried about!" I told her and then Tsubasa got a misty look in her eyes. Uh oh.
"Worried about me?" She cooed
"Congrats Scarlet, looks like you've got yourself a new admirer," Ryu deadpanned and I smacked him upside the head. Tsubasa then snatched up my other hand. I tried to shake her off, but her grip was surprisingly firm. Then Kuno showed up, as if this scene couldn't get any worse.
"Kuno…" I growled.
"Who's he?" Tsubasa asked with an unimpressed tone.
"Fair ones, no! Lacking suitable male company, forced to endure with only the beast Tomoe, no doubt you have, in your innocence, turned to each other but I can allow it no longer! I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall singlehandedly deliver you from the bonds of spinsterhood. Come! Be my loves and together we shall-" The rest of Kuno's speech was abruptly cut off by two fists to the face. Tsubasa's and mine.
"Boys…I hates 'em!" Tsubasa growled and then a message attached to a suction cup arrow flew in. Apparently, Ranma had come up with another of his patented harebrained schemes. He had invited Tsubasa to the park on Sunday on a date. Tsubasa was over the moon about it, jumping around with a blush and giggling like a loon.
In the meantime, I had tried to ask Ranma about his plan, but he remained tight lipped about it. So when Sunday rolled around, Ukyo, Ryu, and I all found a suitable bush and hid in it.
"Ya don't think Ranma actually likes Tsubasa, do you?" Ukyo asked while we waited
"Maybe…if he shows up in his girl form, then there's a decent chance he does. If he shows up as a guy, then definitely not. However, since Tsubasa spent the better part of Thursday chasing Ranma around in the rain, I don't think there's a chance." Ryu answered, which was a lot better than anything I was going to say. Then Ranma showed up, in his male form and boy did he act like a dick.
What happened after Ranma showed up for his 'date' was sickening. He made himself sound like the most arrogant bastard who ever did live, talking like he was God's gift to women.
"PU, someone get a shovel, 'cause Ranchan's piling it on thick," Ukyo joked and I decided I should intervene before Tsubasa tried to castrate him. So I walked out of our bush and punched him before dragging him away.
"What the heck Akane?!" Ranma shouted
"Are you trying to get Tsubasa to kill you? I wanted to kill you, acting like the king of smarmy assholes!" I shouted back
"It's all part of my foolproof plan to get Tsubasa to fall out of love with my girl side!" Ranma protested
"It is pretty hard to love a corpse," I quipped
"You know what I mean," Ranma said
"So it's better that Tsubasa love your guy side?" I asked pointedly
"This plan ain't without its flaws," Ranma admitted and I rolled my eyes. Tsubasa started walking off and Ranma went to catch up with her. Then what should happen but a bunch of stray cats ran past, causing a panic stricken Ranma to jump on the nearest person, which happened to be Tsubasa.
"What's Ranchan's deal with cats?" Ukyo asked
"Long story, we'll tell you after this farce is over with," I promised as Tsubasa beat the daylights out of Ranma and tossed him into a nearby fountain, triggering the curse. When Tsubasa turned to look at her handiwork and saw a KO'd girl Ranma, she waded into the fountain and, following the semi-coherent Ranma's instructions, took him home and threw him in our tub. It wasn't until much later that I learned my dad had been using the bath at the time and was utterly ignored during the whole mess. I'm sure the whole thing was pretty funny. At the very least Ryu would've gotten a kick out of it.
Once we got home, I asked a question that, if I had asked it earlier, probably would have saved everyone involved a whole lot of trouble. I asked Ukyo why Tsubasa hated guys so much. As it turned out, it was because Tsubasa was actually a crossdresser. The middle school Ukyo had gone to was an all boy's school.
"Didn't I tell you?" Ukyo asked
"No, you didn't!" I told her and then a very angry Ranma came charging down the hall after a beat up Tsubasa disguised as a washing machine.
"Wait! Before you kill him Ranma, I just want to say two things!" Ryu interrupted
"Alright, shoot," Tsubasa said
"First, congratulations, you are a much better crossdresser than Ukyo."
"Hey!" Ukyo shouted
"Second, just so we're all clear, you knew Ukyo was a girl the whole time, so, when she sent you a picture of girl Ranma, instead of making the most logical assumption and assuming Ukyo was a lesbian, you thought that Ranma must be a crossdresser like yourself. You then decided to make your way to Nerima, just so you could win Ukyo back from who you perceived to be a rival crossdresser. Is that right?" Ryu asked
"Sounds about right." Tsubasa said
"Only in Nerima!" Ryu sighed, "Should we tell this moron?"
"Fine. Seems like the whole damn world knows anyway," Ranma grumbled and so we spent most of the rest of the afternoon explaining Jusenkyo to Tsubasa. Once we convinced him it wasn't a hoax of some kind, he got a weird look on his face and took off into the night, never to be seen again…or at least, that's what some of us hoped.
Ok…apparently my sleep meds aren't helping :(. But that just means you guys get more story…so worth it, I guess. Anyway, thanks everyone who reviewed and look forward to a chapter a few chapters down the road. I have very special plans for that one…I have cookies for whoever guesses which episode I have special plans for! And maybe something even better ;) Reviews are always appreciated!