I come to you with a story from the distant past! BEHOLD!

Disclaimer: I am not a bard, nor am I the owner of Ranma 1/2.

I decided to ship this today because I might as well do something special for the 4th anniversary of Curiosity. If the next chapter isn't out by the time you read this one, expect it no later than 2/7/2017.

Akane's POV

It all started just like any other day. Ranma, Ukyo, Ryu, and I were all sparring in the backyard next to the koi pond. Mr. Saotome had tried to jump in at one point, but we quickly ganged up on him and now he was floating in the koi pond in his panda form. His is the kind of help we didn't need.

"Time to wrap it up! Breakfast is almost ready!" Kasumi called from the kitchen.

"All right! I'm starving!" Ranma exclaimed. It was a bad time to be distracted, for Ranma, as Ryu took full advantage of Ranma's split attention to buck him with a mule kick. Ranma went sailing into the koi pond, but not before his head collided with a rock.

"Ranma!" We all exclaimed. Our concern only grew as Ranma didn't respond. He just floated in the water, face down. Mr. Saotome, already in the water, was first to his son.

[Wake up, boy!]

"Kasumi! Ranma's hurt!" Ryu called into the house and she was instantly out with the first aid kit.

We moved Ranma to his room and left Kasumi to get Ranma out of his wet clothes and tend to his injury. We all hovered at the door, waiting for Kasumi to give us the OK. Ryu looked like he was about to be sick. We all knew it was an accident, but I knew that wouldn't stop Ryu from feeling awful about it.

"Ohhhhh, what happened?" About five minutes later, we heard Ranma. I couldn't contain myself and burst in the door.

"Ranma, are you ok?!" I shouted.

"Ow, keep it down 'Kane, I've got a killer headache." Ranma complained, but something seemed off. He had never called me "Kane" before and something else felt different that I couldn't put my finger on.

"I am so, so sorry Ranma," Ryu was practically groveling.

"It was an accident. Don't worry about it, Ryu-kun," Suddenly all heads snapped towards Ranma.

"Uh, Ranchan, how do you feel?" Ukyo asked hesitantly. Ranma pondered the question for what felt like an eternity.

"Aside from this headache…I don't know. I feel different, but I don't know how to explain it." Ranma finally answered

"Right, we are taking you to Tofu," Ryu decided and no one argued. Something was afoot and if anyone could help, Dr. Tofu would.

"Hello, what brings you all here?" Dr. Tofu greeted as we entered his practice.

"It's Ranma," Ukyo started and Dr. Tofu started tisking.

"Really Ranma, what are we going to do with you. What happened this time?"

"We were sparring this morning and when we were called to breakfast, I was able to get a hit in while Ranma was distracted. His head got hit by a rock at the edge of the koi pond and when he woke up, he started acting strange," Ryu explained.

"Yeah, Doc, I don't know what it is. Everything seems…different. It's like I'm seeing the world through a new lens. I can understand why 'Kane and Ryu-kun and Ucchan are all worried about me." Ranma said.

Dr. Tofu blinked owlishly a few times. "I see…"

Dr. Tofu had Ranma get up on the exam table and started looking him over. A few minutes in, Dr. Tofu shooed the rest of us out of the room. About ten minutes later, Dr. Tofu was ready to make his diagnosis.

"Somehow, Ranma's entire chi has swapped. His previously male dominated chi is now primarily female. I can only assume it's got something to do with the Jusenkyo curse," Dr. Tofu explained. "Also, this drastic shift in chi seems to have colored his memories in slight ways."

"Colored how?" I asked.

"I think the best example is the whole cat tongue fiasco. I can't understand why I got so bent outta shape over my period. I feel like I've had periods before, but at the same time I know that can't be right, because I was a boy and boys don't have periods. It's like I've got two sets of memories rattling around in my brain. One I know is true, but the other one just feels right. Does that make sense?" Ranma tried to explain.

"What I gleaned from that is you now identify yourself as a girl, but are still cognizant of the fact you were born male." Ryu remarked and Ranma giggled. I don't think I was the only one who was weirded out by Ranma giggling like a…well a girl.

"You always did have a way with words, Ryu-kun."

"Is this bad for Ranma?" I asked and Ranma made a face.

"Ranma doesn't sound right anymore…maybe Ranko? Yes, Ranko sounds good." Ranko decided.

"Little storm?" Ryu sounded bemused.

"I thought it made a good match to wild stallion," Ranma giggled again.

"Anyway, back to my question Dr. Tofu?" I interrupted.

"Beside the slight bump on his…err, her head, I'd give Ranma…Ranko a clean bill of health," Dr. Tofu reported. "Her chi is as healthy as it ever was, only now with a feminine aspect as opposed to a masculine one."

"Well, so long as it isn't hurting Ranchan…" Ukyo said hesitantly.

"I feel great Ucchan," Ranko assured her friend.

"What happens if the curse activates?" Ryu wondered.

"Let's find out," Ranko said glibly and Dr. Tofu was kind enough to provide the hot water. He poured it on Ranko and she changed as usual, but she was frowning and moving her body like she was unused to it.

"I know this is the body I was born in, but it feels awkward. Kinda like how I felt immediately after I got the curse, only worse because I'm trying to reconcile my memories. I'm gonna change back," With that announcement, she splashed herself and reverted to female form.

"You know the panda isn't going to be happy about this," Ryu commented as we left Dr. Tofu's practice.

"Since when have I cared what my father thought?" Ranko pointed out, "Happosai, on the other hand, is going to be a pain if he catches wind of this."

"You could always crash at my place if you don't want to deal with that while you get yourself in order," Ukyo offered.

"It could be like a sleepover!" Ranko squee'd, "But I'll need clothes and toiletries and all that stuff. No offense Ucchan, but I don't think you have anything that fits me."

"Yeah, I'm too tall and I certainly don't have your figure," Ukyo agreed, "And I need new clothes too. My last good work shirt got singed last week during rush hour."

"Since you two are going, I might as well come along and we can make a day of it," I still found the whole situation weird and slightly uncomfortable, but we had been through worse together. I wasn't going to bring it up if Ranko didn't want to talk about it. So with our outing decided, we girls turned to look at Ryu.

"Aw, shit," Was all the protest Ryu put up as we dragged him to the local mall.

Later that day, after much progress in getting Ranko a wardrobe that didn't consist of eight copies of the same thing, we decided to break for lunch. Ryu, ever the put upon gentleman, took our orders and went to wait in line.

"So, now that we've been shopping, it is now time to engage in the other most important female bonding ritual!" Ranko declared.

"And what would that be?" I asked hesitantly. I had a feeling I knew the answer, but couldn't bring myself to believe it.

"Talking about boys, of course," Ranko answered and I snorted.

"What boys? Kuno is delusional, to say the least, Ryoga has his head stuck so far up his ass I'm surprised he hasn't turned inside out, Mousse is a misogynistic jerk and only has eyes for Shampoo besides, Gosunkugi is a weirdo, and the rest of the school are just run-of-the-mill perverts," I ticked off each one on my hand. Ranko got a cat that caught the canary grin.

"What about Ryu? He's pretty cute and dependable." Who should choose that moment to show up but Mr. Cute and Dependable himself? He placed the food on the table.

"I'm going to the bathroom. Hopefully when I return the weirdness levels will have returned to tolerable levels," He walked away and Ranko started giggling.

"So how about it 'Kane? You've known him since you were kids. Childhood friends discovering they can be so much more are so romantic."

"Just trust me when I say it wouldn't work out," I said flatly.

"Oooh, sounds like there's a story there," I silently cursed myself for letting her bait me like that. I knew she'd never leave me alone unless I told her the story. I sighed.

"It was sixth grade. I had gotten hold of one of Kasumi's more…adult romance novels and I was curious. Somehow I got Ryu to agree to kiss me and I felt nothing. Ryu said he felt much the same and that's when we knew we'd never work out as a couple. Are you happy, Saotome?" I groused.

"Miss 'I hate boys' willingly kissed one?" Ukyo teased. I glared at her.

"Ryu doesn't count. He's Ryu," I said like that explained everything.

"Maybe to you," Ranko chirped. She then turned her predatory gaze on Ukyo. "How about you, Ucchan? Ever think about dating Ryu? I mean, he is pretty much the only decent guy our age." I was tempted to make a jab at her about her previously male persuasion and that remark, but decided to let it pass.

"Uhh," Ukyo was flushed red, "I've never really thought about it,"

"Come on Ucchan! You should go on a date with him," Ranko said, as if the matter was decided already.

"You seem all gung-ho about him, why don't you ask him for a date?" I asked as Ukyo stuttered and Ranko took a sip of her soda.

"Oh, I fully intend to, if he and Ucchan don't pan out, but I want to see my oldest friend happy first and foremost. I think they'd be cute together. More importantly, I think just getting them dating, even if it doesn't become a permanent thing between the two of them, will be good for both of them. I get the feeling Ryu is lonely and I think Ucchan spends too much time on her business for her own good."

Neither Ukyo nor I had anything to say in response to that. Thankfully we were saved from having to think of anything by the arrival of a soaking wet Ryu.

"Ryu, what happened to you?" I asked, trying to keep from laughing.

"The restroom sink and I got into a…disagreement. I lost." That perfectly deadpan delivery is what sent the three of us into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Eventually we managed to pull ourselves together.

"Ryu-kun, you're going on a date with Ucchan," Ranko declared. Ryu looked over at Ukyo and cocked an eyebrow. She blushed and refused to look him in the eyes.

"How did this come to pass and do I get a say in this?"

"Come on Ryu-kun, the worse that can happen is you go on one date and you decide you're not compatible. Think of what you two stand to gain!" Ranko tried to appeal to him.

"I don't know…" I knew that look on Ryu's face. He was stalling for time while he could think of a good reason to say no.

"Am I not good enough to date?" Ukyo suddenly asked. Ryu turned a baleful glare at Ranko.

"I've never had a busybody female friend before. I'm sure somewhere in that demented, red head of yours you believe you're doing a good deed. I guess I really don't have anything to lose. Sure, I'll go on a date with Ukyo." Ranko cheered and Ukyo seemed conflicted but ultimately happy. As a neutral third party, I just shook my head at how surreal this day had turned out.

As we were heading home later that day, we ran into Shampoo on one of her deliveries.

"Ni hao! What you all doing?" Shampoo asked when she spotted us.

"We just went shopping. I needed clothes," Ranko answered. Shampoo peered into our bags.

"Those all girl clothes," Shampoo said questioningly.

"Well, yeah, I mean, I am a-" suddenly Ryu's hand was over Ranko's mouth.

"He is being forced by Nabiki to do her shopping. He had to go in girl form because he would've been too embarrassed otherwise and of course I got dragged along as well," At first I was confused, but then it snapped into place. Despite Ryu's cover up attempt, Shampoo was still looking at us suspiciously.

"If you say so…Shampoo has to go. No want delivery getting cold," With that she took off.

"What was that for?!" Ranko demanded.

"Gee, Ranko, do you remember why Shampoo came after you in the first place?" Ryu asked.

"I beat her and she was after me because she thought I was a girl and gave me that stupid kiss of death…oh."

"If Shampoo finds out you think of yourself as a girl now, she'll try and kill you again!" I exclaimed.

"What are we gonna do? She already knows something is up," Ukyo said.

"It's a question of when, not if, Shampoo finds out. We can only hope she'll be reasonable when she does," Ryu sighed. On that dreary note, we all went our separate ways and for the first time in a long time, I went home without Ranma. I could only hope my Dad and Mr. Saotome would believe Ryoga had shown up and Ranma would be spending the night sparring with him.

Ryu's POV

My sense of dread was mounting as I walked closer to the Cat Café. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Shampoo would ask me what was up and I wouldn't be able to stop myself from answering. Resigning myself to my unwilling betrayal, I walked in. Shampoo wasted no time in snapping her fingers.

"Alright Ryu, tell me exactly what is going on with Ranma," Shampoo demanded. I had no choice but to recount exactly what had happened and the results of my mistake. Shampoo was quiet for a long time after I finished.

"Please don't attack Ranko," I begged pathetically. I had no other options. Feeling helpless seemed to be a common theme lately and I hated it. Shampoo's expression spread into a sneer.

"If Ranma resumes being male, I see no problem. If Ranko remains, well, I've already given her the Kiss of Death. Fortunately for you and him, I do care for Ranma and I'm willing to try and bring him back to the way he was. I even have a plan. After all, I would hate for a funeral to get in the way of your and Ukyo's date." I hated her in that moment. I honestly hated her. But then my reason caught up with me and I realized that Shampoo was torn up over maybe having to kill someone she had feeling for and was lashing out at me. Thus my hate found a more appropriate target in the Amazonian laws.

The rest of my stay at the Cat Café was spent learning Shampoo's plan. It was a good plan, but I wished it wasn't needed. As Ranko, she seemed more at peace with herself and generally happier than she had as Ranma. But as so often seemed to happen in the Saotome heir's life, her happiness did not factor into the machinations of others. Knowing I would have a hand in destroying that happiness killed me inside, but I didn't have a choice, so I swallowed the feeling and headed home to prepare.

Ranko's POV

I woke up at Ucchan's feeling refreshed and ready to face the day. It all went downhill from there. I heard knocking on the door to Ucchan's restaurant and went to see who it was. To my surprise, it was Shampoo. I opened the door to greet her.

"Ni hao, Ranko," Sudden terror gripped me and on instinct I bolted as she swung her chui at me, "I kill!" I was out the door to the backyard and jumped into the road, where I was immediately greeted by a HEARD OF CATS! I flew down the road in the opposite direction like a bat out of hell and Shampoo was hot on my heels. Everywhere I went there seemed to be the little demons blocking escape routes.

Eventually I found myself at the Tendo Compound.

"Ranko? What-" Akane saw me crash into the backyard.

"I kill!" Shampoo showed up before Akane could finish her question. I noticed the walls suddenly had cats on them. I was trapped. Akane jumped in to help, but Shampoo completely ignored her attacks. She was single-mindedly attacking me. I knew Shampoo was best of her generation in her village, but it never occurred to me exactly what that meant until that moment.

To be the best of those trained almost since birth meant she was beyond impressive. Until then I had never seen her put real effort into a fight. This Shampoo wasn't grossly underestimating an outsider or holding back for the sake of pride. She was coming at me like a force of nature and it was all I could do to avoid her powerful attacks while Shampoo just absorbed Akane's attempts to get her off me. It only made sense that the granddaughter of Cologne would have been taught at least some of those secret techniques the old crone had taught us and likely many more besides that we hadn't even heard of.

The one sided fight lasted maybe three minutes before I slipped up on the wet rocks on the edge of the koi pond. I felt Shampoo's bonbori slam into me and then my head hitting the rock before I blacked out.

Ranma's POV

For the second time in two days I woke up with a splitting headache and Kasumi worrying over me.

"Sorry about this, Kasumi," I muttered, trying not to aggravate my headache.

"It's not your fault, Ranma," Kasumi waved me off and my friends burst into the room. I guess Kasumi somehow knew we wanted to talk privately, because she walked out the door. Once the door was securely closed, the others all started talking at once.

"Are you OK Ranko?!"

"I woke up and you were gone! Do you know how worried I was?!"

"Shampoo just up and vanished after you hit your head!"

"Calm down! I still have a headache and…I'm not Ranko anymore," That got them to quiet down.

"What do you remember?" Ryu asked. Always the practical one in these types of situations.

"I remember everything, and boy does some of that junk I said make me wanna puke," I answered. Akane snorted.

"I bet. Talking about boys and clothes? I can't imagine anything that would be more an anthemia to macho man Ranma Saotome," Akane teased.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't exactly myself at the time, now was I?" I defended myself.

"How are you feeling, Ranchan?" Ucchan asked hesitantly.

"I'll be OK," I said gruffly. Ryu didn't seem totally convinced.

"If you ever need to talk, my door is usually open," He told me.

"Isn't that supposed to be 'always open'?" Ucchan asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Somehow I doubt Ranma would want to talk if I were puking my guts out with the flu or something," Ryu deadpanned, "Superlatives are dangerous things." I don't know why, but I started cracking up and then I was followed by Akane. This got Ucchan to start laughing and finally Ryu gave in too.

"Alright, well, in the meantime, Ukyo and I have a date to plan." Ryu announced.

"You're still gonna go through with that?" I asked, surprised. Ryu shrugged.

"I said I would, and as you pointed out, we don't exactly have anything to lose." Ucchan blushed and the two left, leaving me and Akane feeling somewhat awkward.

"Ranma…are you really OK?" Akane asked hesitantly. I sighed and pulled my hand over my face.

"I don't know Akane. As much as it hurts my sense of manliness, I was happy as Ranko. Everything seemed so much clearer. I wasn't Ranma Saotome: Heir of Anything Goes and engaged to every girl my pops came across. Never mind every other mess I got into. I was just Ranko, a good martial artist and teenage girl. To be honest, it kinda worries me that I want that back. Makes me feel like a coward, I guess."

"Ranma, you've been through more crap in sixteen years than a dozen people get put through in their entire lives. It's a minor miracle you haven't completely snapped. Hell, the Cat Fist would drive most people insane. You are not a coward. A knucklehead, yes, but not a coward." I snorted in laughter at that.

"Thanks Akane. Now, are we gonna spy on Ryu and Ucchan's date?" I asked.

"The first date of two of our best friends? Of course we're spying on them!" Akane answered. Of course, at the time, I had no idea the can of worms I had started opening by setting up Ryu and Ucchan on a date…

NEXT TIME on DRAGONBALL Z Ukyo and Ryu go on their date and we continue with the fallout of the Ranko incident. I hope to see you there!