In the jungle, the quiet jungle, this chapter comes to you!

Disclaimer: This author has never been to a real jungle and he doesn't own Ranma ½.

Ukyo's POV

Ryu and I were both still blushing slightly from being interrupted by our so called friends when we made our way into class. Something was clearly up from the get-go, as instead of our usual homeroom teacher, Mr. Aino, our vice principal, Mr. Takashi was at the front of the class.

"Attention students, I have some good news, and some bad news," The vice principal began, "As you have noticed, Mr. Aino is not present. That is because he decided to quit rather suddenly last week. Fortunately, we were able to find a replacement for him." At these words, Mr. Takashi beckoned to someone outside and in strolled what looked like a ten or so year old girl.

"This is Ms. Hinako Ninomiya, she will be your new teacher," The class understandably erupted in confusion. How could a ten year old girl teach a class? At first I thought she was some kind of super prodigy, but that still didn't explain why she would be allowed to teach. Mr. Takashi let the class settle down before continuing.

"For the past several months, this class has been unacceptably rowdy. Thus it was the decision of the school board to bring in Ms. Ninomiya to help enforce the discipline of you students!" Mr. Takashi declared.

"And how is a little girl supposed to do that?" Hiroshi jeered from the back of the class.

"Is that a delinquent volunteer I hear?" The supposed teacher asked, with a grin that was entirely too evil for a ten year old face. Before Hiroshi responded, she whipped out what looked to be a fifty yen coin between her middle and pointer fingers.

"Happōgojūensatsu!" Suddenly Hiroshi seemed to lose all his energy and flopped on the floor bonelessly. But that's not the really weird part. Suddenly Ms. Hinako went from looking like a ten year old girl to a buxom mid twenties woman. The class erupted with noise, but most of what was being said could be summed up in five words: What the fuck just happened? Then, all it took was her bringing the coin to bear to shut the class up and have everyone back in their seats.

"I trust that was demonstration enough for you all?" A shiver went up my spine. Ms. Hinako's voice was the kind of sensual I thought only existed in boy's wet dreams. Everyone nodded vigorously, not wanting a taste of whatever happened to Hiroshi. I turned to see what Ryu was thinking of this whole thing and almost fell out of my chair when I spotted him reading, none the wiser to what was going on around him.

"Ryu!" I hissed at him, hoping the new teacher wouldn't notice. His ears pricked up and he put his book down. It didn't take him long to spot Ms. Hinako.

"Where's Mr. Aino?" I cringed as his volume caught Ms. Hinako's attention.

"Is that a delinquent not paying attention in class? Happōgojūensatsu!" I got that feeling like watching a car crash. You want to look away, but you just can't. I was feeling sorry for Ryu, but then a second passed. Then two and nothing happened. All eyes were on Ryu.

"Uhh, is there any particular reason everyone's looking at me like I've grown a second head?" Ryu sounded slightly annoyed.

"I don't understand, the Happōgojūensatsu has never failed before..." Ms. Hinako sounded just as shocked as the rest of us felt. Ms. Hinako glanced down at what had to be the seating chart for a moment before calling out, "Mr. Tomoe, stay behind after class." Then she looked back up at Ryu and back down at the seating chart, "Excuse me, Ms. Tomoe. Someone must have miscopied the seating chart."

"What did I do?" Ryu turned to anyone for an answer, but none were forthcoming. He plopped his head down on his desk. "Some days it just isn't worth it to get out of bed."

"In other news, this class will also be getting a new student!" Ms. Hinako declared. The class was instantly abuzz with speculation on what the new student would be like, but the speculation didn't last long. The door slid open and the new student walked in. She was tall, pretty, had purple hair, and the most pissed off expression I had ever seen on her face.

"Shampoo?!" Everyone in class had gone to the Cat Café at least once and so everyone knew the Amazon girl. Ms. Hinako seemed almost as surprised as we were.

"Oh, uh, I guess that means we can skip the introductions if you already know everyone…Please take the empty seat next to Ms. Tomoe." Ryu's head shot up and looked at the desk that was on the other side of him. The desk that I could've sworn didn't exist five minutes ago. Ryu was similarly baffled.

"That desk wasn't there before, right? Or am I finally going funny farm crazy?" He begged me.

"I don't remember that being there either," I answered just as Shampoo threw herself into her seat, sour expression still on her face.

"I blame you for this!" She declared crossly to Ryu.

"Me?! What did I do?!" Ryu protested, but Shampoo just turned her nose up at him. Ryu just threw up his arms, "It's days like this that drive a man to drink!" I knew it was mean, but I couldn't help but giggle at Ryu's hamming it up, even if he did it unintentionally. Ryu chose to ignore me.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, save for Shampoo continuing to give Ryu looks that could melt steel and Ms. Hinako shrinking back to her ten year old form in the middle of first period. However, just because the school day was done, didn't mean we could leave. Ms. Hinako wanted to talk to Ryu, so we all stuck around as well, just in case.

"Ms. Tomoe-" Ms. Hinako began.

"Mr. actually," Ryu interrupted. Ms. Hinako's eyes moved from his currently female breast to his face a few times. It wasn't a long trip, seeing as Ryu was only about an inch taller than Ms. Hinako's ten year old form. Ms. Hinako then arched an eyebrow.

"My mom thought it would be funny to turn me into a girl for a week," Ryu explained.

"And your mother was able to do this, how?" Ms. Hinako was understandably skeptical.

"She's a four tail nekomata," Ryu answered.

"So you're a-"

"Human," Ryu interrupted Ms. Hinako again, "Mom adopted me."

"Welcome to Nerima, where half the people have shape shifting curses and the other half are weirdos!" Ranma said with false brightness.

"I thought it was 'everyone's a weirdo, half the weirdos are martial artists, and half the martial artists have shape shifting curses'?" Akane questioned.

"Well yeah, but that doesn't roll off the tongue," Ranma explained.

"I see," Akane replied.

"Alright, alright, if you two are done with your Abbott and Costello bit, Ms. Hinako had something she wanted to talk to me about," Ryu cut in before they could continue.

"Actually, I think I'm going to go check out the local candy shops. See you tomorrow!" With that, Ms. Hinako fled the room.

"I think you two scared her off," I quipped at Ranma and Akane.

"I'd be scared off too, from that too too bad comedy routine," Shampoo added in her two cents.

"Aww, everybody's a critic," Ranma complained.

"We only criticize because we love you," Ryu quipped.

"Thanks Ryu, I didn't know you cared," Akane shot back.

"You wound me, Scarlet! Truly!" As much as I was enjoying the three little pigs hamming it up, there was something important to discuss.

"Have you three forgotten the elephant in the room?" I asked, pointing to Shampoo.

"Is Spatula Girl commenting on Shampoo's weight?" Of course, if Shampoo really thought I was insulting her, I'd be fending off bonbori.

"Oh yeah, so why are you going to school now Shampoo?" Ranma asked.

"Great Grandmother force Shampoo to go to school. Says talking like bimbo is unbecoming of Amazon warrior," Shampoo pouted, "Shampoo no see anything wrong with way Shampoo talks. Japanese is silly language anyway."

"As someone who is fully bilingual, and not that engrish stuff most Japanese students get away with, just be grateful you're going from Mandarin to Japanese and not to English. English is a messy, messy language." Ryu then shivered for some reason.

"Noted," Shampoo also shivered for some reason.

"Also I imagine a truancy officer might have been involved at some point," Ryu added thoughtfully.

"Shampoo no know, but is likely," Shampoo then let out a hearty sigh. "Shampoo is going to miss carefree days of youth. No more will Shampoo be able to frolic freely on Shampoo's bike, going wherever Shampoo pleases. Now Shampoo will forever be shackled to Shampoo's desk, where-"

"Alright already, stop! You're gonna make us all emo at this rate!" Akane finally protested.

"So what are we gonna do about this new teacher?" Ranma asked.

"Worst comes to worst, we have Ryu fight her, he seems immune to whatever it is she does," Akane suggested,

"Is today 'throw Ryu under the bus' day? I seem to have missed the memo," Ryu complained.

"Oh, grow up you big baby, it probably won't come to that," Akane tried to reassure him, but I know I wasn't the only one to suddenly get a sense of foreboding.

Sure enough, that feeling of dread came to pass the next day, when Happosai appeared on one of his usual raids. The third year students who had gym class at that particular time were chasing down Happosai and the usual suspects were about to intervene when Ms. Hinako in her ten year old form, jumped out the window, claiming it was her duty to punish delinquent 'students'. Fortunately Ranma caught her before she hurt herself and we all confronted Happosai. That was when I noticed someone had landed on Happosai and the girls had caught up to him and beat him black and blue.

"You meddling kids have interfered with an old man's only joy in life for the last time!" The old lech then started to glow with a ferocious battle aura.

"Get behind us, teach, this looks like it's gonna get ugly," Ranma instructed, but Ms. Hinako ignored him.

"It's a teacher's duty to protect her students!" Ms. Hinako declared. I bent down to look her in the eyes.

"Listen sugar, that guy over there is serious trouble, but we're used to dealing with him. But we can't do that if we're worrying about you," I explained. Ms. Hinako gave me a flat look.

"I'm twenty five, Ms. Kuonji and I can do more than just drain troublesome students," Ms. Hinako then pulled out a five yen coin, "Happōgoensatsu!" Ms. Hinako was as good as her word. Happosai's battle aura was slurped up and he floated away on a light breeze, looking like a crumpled up origami.

"She took out the old goat with one move!" Ranma gave voice to our shock.

"I appreciate your concern on my behalf, but I am able to take care of myself," Ms. Hinako remarked and herded us back to class.

"If we can learn that drain technique, we'd never have to worry about the old freak ever again!" It was lunchtime and Ranma was chomping at the bit to learn this trump card.

"And I'm sure this won't turn out just like every other time we've thought we had a quick fix for one of our problems," Akane quipped.

"What if this is the time it works out and we don't because we're afraid of failure? We can't just ignore an opportunity because it might not work. What if Ms. Hinako is our ticket to a Happosai free life and we didn't take it because we got burned before?" Ranma protested.

"That's fair. You only really fail when you stop trying," Ryu agreed with Ranma.

"You only say that because you immune," Shampoo accused.

"Believe me; I have no idea why I'm immune. Even if I wasn't, I'd take a chance on getting rid of Happosai," Ryu argued.

"So I go ask if she can teach us and then we go from there," Ranma decided and confronted Ms. Hinako as school let out. As it turned out, Ranma first had to contend with all the boys trying to 'get to know' Ms. Hinako, who was still in her adult form after draining Happosai. Among those boys was Kuno.

"Ms. Hinako, I would allow you to date with me!"

"Hey look Ranma, we've got competition for Kuno's affections," Akane joked and Ranma shivered.

"That's not the kind of thing you joke about Akane," Ranma moaned.

"Why anyone would want to date stick boy is beyond Shampoo," Shampoo added.

"He's rich and reasonably good looking. Now if only someone could find an off switch for his mouth, he'd be a decent boyfriend," I answered and Ryu shot me a sideways look.

"Are you trying to make me jealous, Ukyo?"

"That depends, is it working?" I was mildly surprised with myself, flirting like that. Ryu got up on his tiptoes to peck me on the cheek.

"It might be," Ryu purred and I felt a thrill go up my spine.

"I'm going to go talk to teach before I lose my lunch," Ranma grumbled and went to do just that.

"You're just jealous!" Ryu teased as he walked away. He responded with a one finger salute, which set Ryu to giggling like a school girl. Uh…I swear I didn't mean for that metaphor to be so on the nose.

Anyway, Ranma got to Ms. Hinako just as she drained Kuno dry and dragged her away from her adoring public.

"Damn that Ranma, now he's sinking his claws into older women!" Daisuke grumbled.

"Are you really going to let Ranma get away with this?" Sayuri demanded of Akane.

"Get away with what? He's not my boyfriend, and even if he was I somehow doubt he'd try anything with Ms. Hinako," Akane replied.

"He's your fiancé, isn't he?" Yuka protested.

"I could've sworn I've told you two that neither of us gives a damn about that stupid agreement our fathers made," Akane was starting to get annoyed.

"Well, yeah, but-" Yuka started.

"You two seem awfully concerned about what Ranchan's doing. Why don't you just ask him on a date or something and get it over with?" I asked. Both girls suddenly started blushing madly and stuttering so badly they couldn't even form coherent words.

"Weak Japanese girls no deserve Ranma," Shampoo almost growled and the pair fled.

"Honestly, I wish those two would get boyfriends already. They keep trying to vicariously have a love life through mine," Akane sighed.

"Maybe we could have Ranma set them up. Seems to have worked out for me and Ukyo," Ryu joked and Akane dope slapped him.

"A onetime fluke does not a matchmaker make," Akane replied.

"Are you sure you can trust Ranma?" Suddenly Nabiki appeared to stir up trouble.

"Are you sure you can trust your morning cup of coffee?" Ryu shot back.

"You wouldn't dare!" Nabiki snarled.

"You're the one who got my mom involved. Nothing's sacred anymore," Ryu said with an evil look in his eyes. Although, I have to admit, the effect was somewhat ruined by his adorable female form.

"Anyway…" Akane intervened before those two could continue the cat and dog routine, "Even if Ranma was hot for teacher, which I think is ridiculous, he's well within his rights to try and strike up a relationship with her. So you can go try and stir up the hornet's nest somewhere else sis."

"Aww, you're no fun," Nabiki pouted at her younger sister and wandered over to rile up Kuno. Having nothing better to do, we decided to track down Ranma. I know I'm not the only one who found it funny that Ms. Hinako was using her ten year old form to get Ranma to buy stuff for her. So the scammer becomes the scammed, although watching Ms. Hinako was a bit strange. She acted very much like a hyperactive ten year old and it didn't seem to be just an act she was putting on either.

"I wonder if she has multiple personality or something," Ryu mused as Ranma looked to be reaching the end of his patience. He almost yelled at Ms. Hinako, but reigned in his temper before making sure he had her undivided attention.

"Ms. Hinako, could you please teach us that Happōgojūensatsu stuff?" Ranma asked.

"Well, first off, that's not the full name of the attack. It's 'Anything Goes School of Martial Arts Ultimate Attack, Good Girl Exercise Number 2: Happōgojūensatsu'. It's a bit of a mouthful, so that's why I usually just call it out as Happōgojūensatsu," Ms. Hinako explained. Ranma's jaw dropped.

"Anything Goes? That's the school I practice!" Ranma exclaimed.

"Really? Small world," Ms. Hinako remarked as she continued devouring some corn on the cob she had gotten Ranma to buy her. Under the light of this new information, something else struck me as odd. It took me a minute, but then it hit me.

"Happo Fire Burst…" I muttered. The name of the attack Happosai had created that he left hidden at the hot springs.

"You couldn't possibly mean…" Ryu trailed off.

"That would be the mother of all coincidences," Akane tried to wave it off, but we already knew it in our hearts to be true. Happosai had been the one to teach Ms. Hinako her draining technique.

"But that does beg the question, how did Happosai get nailed by a move of his own creation?" Ryu wondered.

"Maybe little teacher improve upon attack?" Shampoo suggested.

"Given he didn't remember what he wrote on the scroll, it's also possible he just forgot," Akane pointed out.

"Either way, we have to know more about that move," The others nodded their head in agreement, but before Ranma could pry Ms. Hinako's attention away from her food, Ryoga showed up.

"Ranma Saotome, prepare to die!"

"Hey Ryoga, what's up?" Ranma asked casually.

"Nothing much, I was just passing by. Who's the squirt?"

"I'm not a squirt!" Ms. Hinako protested.

"She's my new teacher," Ranma explained. Ryoga, not unreasonably, looked at him like he was crazy.

"Hinako Ninomiya, twenty five, newly instated teacher at Furinkan High School! Are you friends with Mr. Saotome?" Ms. Hinako asked.

"Hell no! Ranma is my sworn rival!" Ms. Hinako giggled at him.

"That's so cute," She cooed. Ryoga started turning red from embarrassment.

"If you think he's cute now, just wait till you see him in his piglet form," Ranma snidely remarked.

"He has one of those curses you were talking about yesterday too?" Ms. Hinako asked.

"Sure does," Ranma answered. By this point, Ryoga was red as a tomato.

"Damn you Ranma! Making fun of me like this, I'll finally put your smug ass in the ground!" Ryoga threw a punch, but that was about all he did, as a quick application of the Happōgoensatsu had Ryoga crumple like wet tissue paper.

"Attacking someone who isn't ready for it is delinquent behavior!" Ms. Hinako chirped, which sounded strange in the voice of her adult form.

"Uhh, you really didn't have to do that. Ryoga and I scrap all the time. We're martial artists, it's what we do," Ranma seemed to feel a little guilty for Ryoga's falling victim to Ms. Hinako's draining abilities, but from where I was, the pork chop had brought it on himself.

"If you're sure…" Ms. Hinako said uncertainly.

"Positive," Ranma replied, "And you guys can come out from behind that tree."

In order to apologize, Ms. Hinako wanted to buy Ryoga some food to help him recover his energy. After a quick game of rock, paper, scissors between me and Shampoo, we ended up heading over to the Cat Café, much to my chagrin.

"Ah, Part Timers and Ms. Kuonji, it's wonderful to see you again. And who's this you've brought with you?" Cologne greeted us as we walked in the door.

"Is little teacher Shampoo tell you about, Great Grandmother," Shampoo answered.

"I see, I see, well then, today's on the house for you lot. It's the least I can do for having you put up with my hard headed great granddaughter," Cologne waved us towards a table as she said this.

"Great Grandmother is too too cruel," Shampoo complained.

"Are you sure you wanna be tossing around the words 'free food', old ghoul?" Ranma taunted.

"I may be old, but my memory is perfectly fine. I know full well how much you can pack away, son-in-law. Besides, from what Shampoo tells me, there's also a reason to celebrate here," Cologne's pointed look at me and Ryu left no doubt as to what she was talking about. I felt myself blushing and Cologne cackled.

"Ah, to be young again! I'll be right back with the food," With that Cologne pogo'd away to the kitchen.

"I had heard rumors about how weird Nerima was before I took the job here. I'm beginning to think they were grossly understated," Ms. Hinako deadpanned, "Well, at least I won't be too out of place around here."

"Yeah, Nerima is quickly becoming the capital of weird, along with Juban," Ryu remarked and Ms. Hinako made a face.

"Please don't mention Juban," Ms. Hinako requested.

"Bad experience?" I asked.

"I had a run in or two with the Senshi," Ms. Hinako explained. Akane opened her mouth, but then forcefully clamped down on the desire to bug Ms. Hinako about the experience. Cologne then returned with food and Ryoga recovered some of his vitality as he ate. As Ms. Hinako shrunk back down to her ten year old form, we also discovered she was a very messy eater.

"Uh, Ms. Hinako, you've got bean paste all over your face," Akane pointed out and Ms. Hinako promptly licked herself clean. I still couldn't get a good read on our new teacher. Half the time she acted her age and the other half she acted like a hyperactive kid. The hard part was that neither felt fake, but she was clearly the same person at all times.

"So how did you wind up being able to change your age and suck people's chi?" Ryu asked bluntly.

"Oh, waaaaaaaaay back when I was only six years old, I was a really sickly little girl," Ms. Hinako began. She then told us the story of how a kindly old man took pity on her plight and taught her how to become stronger and gave her a duty to use her power against delinquents everywhere. Like the nurses at the hospital she stayed at. I doubt I was the only one translating her tale through the lenses of our experiences with Happosai.

"Do you think you could teach us that chi draining attack?" Ranma asked hopefully.

"I don't think so. The old man told me I was only able to do it because there was something special about me," Ms. Hinako told us apologetically. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Cologne narrow her eyes in suspicion. A suspicion I shared. Happosai did something to Ms. Hinako, I don't know what, but given that Ms. Hinako swapped between a ten year old body and an adult body it was safe to assume it was nothing good.

That was about when Mousse showed up.

"Shampoo, my love!"

"Put your damn glasses on you microephalic addle-pate," Ryu growled as he snatched his hands away from Mousse's grasp.

"Happōgojūensatsu!" Suddenly Mousse was drifting away and Ms. Hinako returned to her adult form, "Oh, uh, I'm sorry, did I jump the gun again?" We all shared a look.

"Nope!" We all said at the same time. That was when Cologne came hopping along and, not noticing Mousse's crumpled form, stumbled over him, sending the cold soup she was carrying flying onto Ranma.

"Goddamnit! This water attracting curse picks the worst times!" Ranma grumbled.

"Sorry about that son-in-law, I didn't see the Part Timer down there," Cologne apologized.

"Mr. Saotome?" Ms. Hinako's eyes had gone huge.

"We weren't joking when we told you about those curses," Akane remarked.

"Are they..?" Ms. Hinako didn't finish her sentence, but it was easy enough to guess.

"Yeah, they're real, and NO, you may not touch them," Ranma answered while drying off with a towel.

"Truly, I think I've found a place to call home," Ms. Hinako sighed contently before finishing off her noodles, "I'll be going now, but I'll see you at school tomorrow!" With that, our teacher got up and left.

"What a strange person," We all turned to look at Ryoga.

"If that's not the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is," Ryu snarked.

Thus ended our meeting of Ms. Hinako, the mysterious teacher. Little did any of us guess just how much we would come to rely on her, but there were still a few misadventures between that and this, so until next time!

So, Hinako appears much earlier than in canon and Shampoo is being forced to go to school. Also I think my characters are somewhat annoyed at me. I hadn't intended for this chapter to be this long, but they just kept yakking and yakking. I mean, it's good for you guys, because extra long chapter, but it also took me a lot longer to actually finish it, so double edge sword.

Stay tuned for next episode, which is one I've been looking forward to for a long time…I'm sorry Ryu…

As always, reviews are much appreciated and shout out to Guest who reviewed last chapter! You know who you are, even if I don't :P