"You know, for a forest that's supposedly infested with the- WAIT, SHIT, NO, MURPHY, PLEASE, I BEG OF FORGIVENESS FOR MY TRANSGRESSIONS-"
"...Is... Is he having a seizure? Or is this a hallucination?"
"No, he just has this thing where if someone says something like "what could go wrong-""
"PLEASE DO NOT STRIKE US DOWN MURPHY IT WAS ONLY AN EXAMPLE-"
"Some deity or living force of nature cause everything to go wrong."
"Murphy is the King of Karma, and WILL slaughter the entirety of the human race JUST to make a point!"
"...Interesting..."
oaauwrgeaffbbgtegbfbitrnbnhrhagriaur-
"Raven so help me God Ozpin himself will not be able to hold me back if you pull something."
"Allen. Stop. it's just a superstition. This "Murphy" doesn't actually exist... Unless it's just another name f-"
"Well then in that case the Brothers are just superstition as well since Murphy makes more sense scientifically since its just a face attached to karma. And yet, supposedly, the Brothers created everything, despite needing to have had a creator themselves."
"Uh- well- that's- ...fine. You win."
God victory feels so good but seeing Summer pout is tearing my soul to pieces.
"But i'm gonna be the one to take the piece! And I pick the queen!"
...Wait, does Qrow have Murphy's blessing y-
CRASH
...sigh.
"...Hi?"
"Azure, why the fuck did you just fall from the sky?"
"Because i'm an angel in disguise?"
"...I don't know if this is a roundabout way of flirting with me or a way to save face. Either way you fail."
SCREEEEE
"Well, there's the actual reason..."
"You... tried to ride a Nevermore?"
"More like "tried to stab it, but got stuck so I enjoyed the ride".
"...One of these days I will have hemorrhaged so much of my sanity that I actually have a brain attack. One of these days. Won't be long. I look forward to it."
"Uh... Is he okay?"
"Don't worry. He gets like this sometimes."
"That is... Wildly more distressing."
"Does he need help?"
"No. I need a break in l- let's just kill this black chicken and head back home."
"Agreed."
"Now, where is it?"
"Right there. We should probably get started."
"Yeah." I threw up a spear and dragged myself up. I do my best work up close and personal.
"How is he-"
"It's his Semblance. Rather versatile and powerful indeed."
And now I am turning it into a pincushion. Wow, honestly kind of impressive how much punishment these rat bastards can take. Thats at least 7 spears.
"UH, ALLEN, YOU MIGHT WANNA GET OFF!"
"What do you me-"
Why are they upside down?
Why am I dangling now?
...fuck.
I send down a needle to the ground. Either I end up back on the ground, or Big Bird here gets grounded and we get to gang up on it. This is what was supposed to happen.
What I did not expect was for my arm to dislocate before I got to the ground.
"I am in extreme pain. Please assist."
"The Nevermore is already gone. We can't do that."
"Fine. Lets just head back then."
"I'll need to find Joan, first."
"Is she your partner?"
"Yeah."
"Wow. it is just delightful that you guys would rather shoot the shit with each other then help out the man who just had his arm dislocated. Shows a lot about your character."
"You can deal. You've gone through worse."
"Et tu, Summer?"
"Why are we still standing around? We should be getting back to Ozpin."
"Because at the very least ya'll should care enough about me to wait until I can fight through the pain of having my fucking arm dislocated. The only reason I am not fucking breaking apart in pain is because I am focusing on turning all the pain into snark."
"I have a easy fix for that."
"What is i-"
thwack.
(AN: there may be technical difficulties since i am currently on a family vacation in a cabin and the internet in my part is jank)