Title - Sunshine Follows Thunder
Chapter title - Everybody Hurts Sometimes
Author - OblivionsGarden
Genre - Romance/Drama
Disclaimer - I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy.

A/n - Please read and review, I'd greatly appreciate it. Hope you enjoy, xx (:

Even after being out of hospital for just over a month, there were days when I felt like I should still be there. I'd wake up and go downstairs to get a cup of tea but it was like I was walking down into a big, black, bottomless pit and I'd be going down the stairs forever. The tea was something that Finn reckons made everything better. It worked whilst you were drinking it. It'd warm yourr hands when you held the cup and warm your insides as it went down. When I was drinking tea, all I was thinking about was the tea. The taste and the warmth. And occasionally Finn, since it was his tip to drink it in times of despair. Then I'd finish and get to the bottom of the cup and I'd remember why I was feeling crap in the first place. On days like that everything seemed to scream at me.
"I have a sharp edge, use me to hurt yourself!"
"No one would care, just wear a long sleeved top!"
"Go outside right now and step in front of a car. You pathetic pile of sh-"

"Teddy? You listening?"
"Sorry. I was miles away." I apologized to Finn, shaking the thoughts from my head. "What were you saying?"
"I was saying, listen to this. It'll change your mind." He placed a record on and stood back, watching my reaction. The beginning riff was fine but then the voice came.
"Trudging slowly over wet sand."
"Does this guy ever cheer up?" I smirked, looking over at Rae, who was sat on Finn's bed, looking through a magazine. "And besides, this is just him alone. It's not The Smiths."
"I will find a song that you like by him. I guarantee."
"She's stubborn." Rae commented.
"So am I." Finn shot back.
"Fair point." Rae smiled. "I think Chloe's planning on having another party at her pool before summer's over."
"I can't swim." I said, standing from the chair to look at Finn's sparse collection of books.
"Really?" Finn frowned. "Why not?"
"My dad's not exactly the parenting and teaching you things type."
"Well...I'll teach you."
"I'm gonna drown aren't I?" I smirked.
"Cheeky."

Smiling I turned away from the book shelf to sit on the bed, sifting through the pile of magazines at Rae's feet. I could feel her amused stare burning into my face but I refused to meet her gaze. She swung her legs off the bed, placing the magazine she'd been reading in front of me.
"I think I'm gonna go to Chloe's. See if this party is a definite or not." She picked up her bag and jacket from the floor. "I'll see you at home later, yeah?"
"Yeah. Oh, I'll be later than usual don't forget. I've got to see Kester."
"Why will you be late?"
"Cause it takes me forever to walk there."
"Finn's got a scooter I'm sure he can give you a lift, right Finn?" Rae didn't make any means to hide the wink she shot my way.
"Course." Luckily Finn was still sifting through his old records. God knows why he didn't just use a CD player.
"Right. See you later then."

A short while later and a familiar tune started to play. I froze in my new seat on Finn's bed, having not heard this song for a long time.
"This isn't Morrissey or The Smiths but it's a good tune." Finn lay back on his bed, staring at the ceiling.

"When your day is long. And the night, the night is yours alone. When you're sure you've had enough. Of this life, well hang on." R.E.M. This song held mixed emotions for me. As Finn said, it was a great song but this song was the song that was playing when...Well, when I wasn't in a very good place in my head. "Don't let yourself go. 'Cause everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes." I'd tried to pay attention to the lyrics and not to hurt myself but things had gotten too much for me. I was just a fifteen year old girl that didn't have anyone to talk to. "Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it's time to sing along. When your day is night alone. If you feel like letting go. If you think you've had too much. Of this life, well hang on." I'd locked myself in my bedroom. I had a blade that I'd got from a plastic pencil sharpener I smashed under a chair leg. The most prominent scars I had. The ones that ran the whole length of my forearm were made when this song was on. "Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends. Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand, oh no." I squoze my eyes shut, trying to block out the memories from that night.

"Teddy are you alright?"
"No. Can you turn this off please." It wasn't until I spoke that I realized I was crying. My voice cracked and I couldn't bring myself to open my eyes. The song stopped immediately and I felt Finn return to my side.
"What is it? What happened?" I felt his hand rest softly on my back.
"Nothing. It's just that song..."
"What?" Finn frowned as I finally opened my eyes. I ran a finger along the scars and he seemed to get my meaning. "I'm so sorry." Suddenly his arms were wrapped around my middle,pulling me into a tight hug, Whispers of 'It's ok' reached my ear as he tightened his grip. It was strange, being hugged. The only other people to hug me had been the gang and they were always quick hugs hello or goodbye. Not a long, tight embrace meant for comfort.
"I'm OK. I just haven't heard that song since..." I sighed, pulling away. "Well, you know." I glanced up at the clock above the door. "I should probably get down to the hospital."
"Right."

The ride to the hospital was silent, not that we could've heard each other anyway. I gripped the sides of Finn's jacket, the helmet he'd given me slightly squashing my cheeks. He offered to wait and give me a ride home but I insisted I'd be fine to walk. He apologized again before leaving.

I sat in silence as Kester made us both some tea. I could tell by the look on his face he knew something had happened. He set the mug down on the coffee table before me, taking a seat opposite.
"So...What's on your mind?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing at all?"
"Nope." I slipped lower in my seat, tapping my hands on the tops of my legs in a hopes to distract myself.
"What about the young man that dropped you off? Nothing to say about him?"
Frowning I sat back up. "Are you spying on me now?"
"I happened to look out of the window as you took your helmet off." Kester explained. "Friend? Boyfriend?"
"He's a boy who is a friend." As nice as Kester is I don't think he'd be too good at advice for a teenage relationship.
"I get the impression something happened between the two of you. Something you'd rather forget."
"I sometimes get the impression you can see straight into my brain." I scowled. "And his name is Finn."
"Ah, the famous Finn." At my frown, he continued. "Rae's best friend. He's brought up alot in conversation. And you mentioned him last week. What did he say when you asked why he looked at your arms?"
"Just that he wanted to know why."
"And what did you say."
"That I didn't know."

I picked up the tea, judging the temperature by pressing my palm to the side of the mug. I took a sip, finding it slightly hotter than I'd thought.
"When I did it, you know..." I gestured to my wrists and Kester nodded. "There was a song on. Everybody Hurts by R.E.M."
"Good song."
"Yeah. I hadn't heard it since that night. But earlier, at Finn's he put it on and...I don't know. It was like I couldn't do anything but think about what I did."
"It brought the memories back." I nodded. "How did you feel?"
"Sick." I clutched the tea tighter to my body. "I felt like I didn't really think about what I was doing. All I was thinking about was just not being here anymore." I sighed, looking up at Kester. "But, I don't regret it...That doesn't make any sense does it?"
"You're starting to get a life that you're happy with, that's why you feel sick when you think about it. But you don't regret it because if you were still at that point in your life you wouldn't change anything."
"I..." Kester really freaks me out sometimes. "How do you do that?"
"It's my job to do that." He smiled. "How did Finn react?"
"He turned the song off and he came over and hugged me. He must've apologized about a million times."

We talked about a few other things whilst I was there, but I couldn't bring myself to admit about the feeling of walking into the bottomless pit I was still getting. I didn't want to be put back into hospital. I can't go back in. Eventually though, I headed back home.

We ate our tea of sausage, mash and beans in dull conversation. Karim occasionally asked me questions in French most of which I didn't have a clue of what he was saying. I said about eight times that I only knew basic French but it didn't seem to sink in. Afterwards, Rae and I headed down to the pub to meet the others.
"Finn stopped by after he dropped you off. He told me what happened." Rae said as we walked together.
"Oh."
"Oh? That's it?"
"What else do you want me to say?"
"If it was me I'd be gushing about the fact he hugged me on his bed."
"That's cause you're overly hormonal."
"You're the one that's in love with Finn." She shot back.
"I told you it's a crush. That's it, nothing more." I scowled.
"We'll see about that after you see him in just his swim shorts on Friday."
"Chloe's going ahead with the party then?" I swallowed back the lump in my throat. Sure everyone had seen my arms but there were scars on the tops of my thighs and a few scattered along my hips and lower stomach. Where do I find swimwear that covers them up?
"Yeah...Why do you look like you're gonna throw up?"
"I just haven't been in swimwear for a long time. I don't even think I have a costume any more."
"Well we'll buy one. Chloe knows some good shops."
"No. Can we just go on our own? Please?"
"Yeah. Alright." Rae looked confused but didn't ask as we arrived outside the pub.

The pool party was on Friday. That gave me two days to find something to wear. Easier said than done.