Title - Sunshine Follows Thunder
Chapter title - Letters
Author - OblivionsGarden
Genre - Romance/Drama
Disclaimer - I do not own My Mad Fat Diary or My Fat Mad Teenage Diary, in anyway shape or form. I only own my original characters and the plot for this fic. For this chapter I own, Teddy and Lucy.

A/n - Please read and review, I'd greatly appreciate it. Hope you enjoy, xx (:

TRIGGER WARNING - TALKS ABOUT DEPRESSION AND SUICIDE

"Who's Lucy? I've never heard you mention her."
"I haven't." I sighed, staring up at the ceiling of Rae's bedroom. "We went to school together in East Bridge."
"So you didn't get on I take it." Rae leant over the edge of her bed, looking down at me.
"Obviously." There was a brief silence before Rae spoke again.
"Finn likes you too."
"What?"
"He told 's why we went outside to talk."
"Bull."
"Not bull."
"Whatever. I'm going out." I pushed myself up to my feet.
"Where are you going?"
I shrugged. "See where I end up."

I walked around Stamford for quite a while. I'd been listening to Pulp on my personal CD player I got last year and had to turn it off after it had repeated about eight times. As I was walking I heard someone call my name but when I turned around no one was there. Frowning I carried on but then I heard it again. I turned around full circle not seeing anyone.
"Up here you div!" I looked in the direction of the voice, finding Finn leaning out of an upstairs window. That's when I realized I was outside of his house. "Wait there, don't move."He pulled the window shut and a few moments later came out of his front door.
"Alright?" I smiled.
"Yeah. I was just about to head over to yours."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, I wanted to give you this." He held out a CD with my name scrawled across in marker pen. "I uh...Put some tunes on there for you. A couple of Smith and some others I thought you'd like."
"Oh. Thanks." I pulled the CD player from my bag, taking out the Pulp CD and replacing it with the new one. "I'll have a listen."
"Yeah. You and Rae going to the park later? Chop's taking some cans down if you fancy it."
"Yeah sure." Over Finn's shoulder I spotted a blonde haired girl and two brunettes coming this way. "I better get back anyway. I'll see you."
"Yeah, see you."

I turned away and moved off at a swift place. I pulled the headphones on, pressing play on the CD player. I turned the music up full, hoping to ignore the girl behind me.
"I am the sun and the heir of a shyness that is criminally vulgar." Who was this. Sounded like Morissey but...Good. "I am the son and heir of nothing in particular. You shut your mouth how can you say. I go about things the wrong way. I am human and I need to be loved. Just like everybody else does." Really good. By god he did it. Finn found a decent Smiths track.

Something hard hit the back of my head, making me turn on instinct. The three girls moved closer, laughing as they did. I turned and hurried on forward. I could hear them shouting things behind me but over the music I couldn't make out what was being said. The next song that came on was Rock 'n' Roll Star by Oasis. Brilliant tune. It was, until my headphones were knocked off.

"Ted, my man! How are you?" The high feminine voice came from behind me.
"Go away Lucy."
"I just want to talk to you! Geez." She moved in front of me now. "So...What happened there?" She poked my arm where my scars were on show.
"People like you happened there."
"I didn't do it."
"You caused it."
"How?" She looked confused as did her two friends.
"You spend your entire life being so shallow you have to make people feel like shit. You made my life hell at school and let me tell you something, Lucy...Someone tells you you're nothing at school, you feel like nothing. And when you're nothing what exactly have you got to loose if you kill yourself?"
"Kill yourself? You tried to kill yourself?" Lucy smirked before erupting into full blown laughter. My stomach twisted. "Oh my god. Suicide is just another thing that you can't do right, isn't it?" She tucked a stand of her perfect hair behind her ear. "Why don't you do what all losers do? You know...If at first you don't succeed...?" Her grin widened.
"Try and try again." I finished for her. "You make me sick."
"Oh well. Maybe I'll slit my wrists cause I'm such a coward and I can't face life anymore. Oh woe is me." After another laughter bout from her friends she stepped closer. "That guy you were talking to was only taking pity on you you know. I bet he'd use you for a pity lay."
"What?"
"Guys find a girl so pathetic and useless and sleep with them. Most pathetic date wins."
"Whatever." I pushed past the girls and carried on walking, swiping angrily at the few tears that had escaped in frustration.
"You're dad seems happier now." She called after me. I stopped walking. "Yeah. Since you've been gone he's always out, having fun with Susie." Ugh. Susie, his twat of a girlfriend. "Well why wouldn't he, since he got rid of all the depressing baggage he had. I bet if you did kill yourself everyone would be happier. You're a burden to your so called friends. You always have been."

I broke out into a run, heading straight home, not bothering to wipe the tears away now. I knew deep down that she was right. I'd been kidding myself since I got to Lincolnshire. Rae was happy with her friends before I arrived. Mum and Karim were happy and me, I was just another mouth for them to feed. Another person taking up space in the house. I wasn't needed in the gang, they had everything they needed. Izzy the ditzy, cute one, Chloe the gorgeous, popular one, Chop the loud, funny one, Archie the musically talented one, Rae the funny, tom boy one and Finn the moody, hot one. I was just a repeat of what was already there. I wasn't needed. So they pretended to like me because I was Rae's sister and they didn't want to offend me. Finn felt sorry for me cause I was a pathetic shit who couldn't take care of herself. Everyone was better off without me, that much was clear to me now. I needed the release but this time I needed it for good.

Luckily mum and Karim were out when I got home and Rae was too. She must've gone to Chloe's or headed to the park early. I tried to calm myself down, sticking the CD Finn made into the large CD player in my room and hitting play. I skipped the first two songs, having heard them. The third was quiet to begin with, then Finn's voice drifted through the speaker.
"Teddy, I uh...Can never seem to say stuff around you. But the next track, is something I want to say to you. Erm...Yeah."
Frowning I sat down on my bed, waiting for track for to begin. A helicopter noise followed by a loud guitar riff. Curious I turned the volume up so I could hear nothing but the song. I knew it as Morning Glory by Oasis but can't say I'd ever paid attention to the lyrics before.

"All your dreams are made. When you're chained to your mirror with your razor blade." I breathed deep. I no longer had the razor blade. I was forced to give it to the therapist when I first went into the hospital. "Today's the day that all the world will see, another sunny afternoon. I'm walking to the sound of your favorite tune. Tomorrow never knows what it doesn't know too soon." I closed my eyes and lay back on my bed, beginning to get what Finn was saying. "Need a little time to wake up. Need a little time to wake up, wake up. Need a little time to wake up. Need a little time to rest your mind. You know you should so I guess you might as well. What's the story morning glory? Well you need a little time to wake up, wake up well. What's the story morning glory? Well. Need a little time to wake up, wake up." He wanted to know. He still wanted to know why I hurt myself. I sat up, looking across at the notepad sat on the dressing table. Song lyrics were scrawled in my messy handwriting but I knew this time I'd be writing something different. Something I'd never put into a song before.

"Cause all your dreams are made, now you're chained to the mirror with your razor blade."
I sat down turning to a new page and picking up my pen. A blue pen with green stripes Rae had given me when my biro ran out of ink. My hand was shaking and I had to take deep breaths before writing.

"Today's the day that all the world will see, it's another sunny afternoon."
'Finn, I get what you want. What's the story morning glory? (Good tune by the way.)'

"Yeah I'm walking to the sound of my favorite tune. Tomorrow doesn't know what it doesn't know too soon."
'I guess now is a good time to tell you everything. At least I won't have to deal with whatever reaction you have.'

"Need a little time to wake up .Need a little time to wake up. Need a little time to wake up. Need a little time to rest your mind. You know you should so I guess that you might as well."
'Everything started when I was eleven. I was about to start secondary school in September and I was terrified. I knew some of the kids from my area went to the school I'd be going to and they scared me. I told my dad and he told me to stop being stupid.' I sighed dropping the pen. Even just writing it down made my brain ache.

"What's the story morning glory? Well, need a little time to wake up, wake up. Well. What's the story morning glory?"
'I started school and I was the weird shy girl that didn't dare speak to anyone. At first it was just the usual comments you get from school kids. You know, geek, weirdo, freak, etc. It didn't bother me that much. But then I realized I was pretty much the only person who didn't have any friends and I wanted to know why. Why was I so different to everyone else. My hair was the same, my eyes were the same, we were the same height, I wasn't fat or anything. I didn't get it. So I thought maybe it was something I was doing. Maybe I acted a certain way or I'd said something wrong to make people not like me.
Then things started getting physical. Someone would trip me up in the dining hall so my diner would go everywhere and I'd have to spend the rest of the day with a jumper covered in gravy, older boys would kick footballs at me on the field, stupid things. People always seemed to be talking about me. Not just at school. Adults in the local area were always talking about me and my family. As I got older it got worse. People would wait for me after school so they could beat me up. Most often it was a girl called Lucy. She seemed to pick me out in year seven and keep me as her personal punch bag throughout school.
Things at home were just as bad. Dad was always bringing different slags home every other night. They didn't want a man with kids so he'd make me go out whilst they were there. Then when he was drunk he'd shout stuff at me. Tell me I was stupid and thick and ugly and that it was my own fault that I didn't have any friends. That he wished I'd never been born, regretted even looking twice at mum. If he'd know he'd end up with such a fuck up for a daughter he'd never have slept with her. Or at least have worn a condom. And when his girlfriends did things to me he didn't care. I have a scar on the back of my neck in a perfect circle where one woman put a fag out on me. All because I accidentally knocked over a glass of cider onto her skirt.
Dad slapped me for any little thing as did his women. Kids at school kicked the shit out of me on a daily basis and none of the teachers did anything about it. I didn't have anyone to talk to. Not a soul. But, as I said to Lucy when I saw her today...Someone tells you you're nothing often enough, you feel like nothing. And when you're nothing what exactly have you got to loose if you kill yourself?
I started cutting myself with anything I could find. Snapped plastic forks, snapped rulers, pencil sharpener blades, kitchen knives, scissors, sharpened and bent paper clips, needles, safety pins...Everything. Then last year, when I was fifteen, I snapped.
Lucy and her friends beat me up really bad. I came home at half seven at night, with a busted nose, black eyes, cut lip and two fractured ribs. My dad laughed and said I probably deserved it. His most recent and long lasting girlfriend said it's no worse than what I was doing to myself anyway. So I locked myself in my room and decided to make it final. R.E.M was playing, as you now know. I cut my wrists straight up the middle, along the blue line of the vein I could see under the other scars. I cut once and then again, over the top of them. I wanted them to be deep to make sure I bled enough to die. I passed out quite quickly. I think it was the pain in my face and ribs that helped me black out sooner.
I woke up a day and a half later in hospital. My wrists were bandaged up and I was completely alone in the room. No change. I was admitted to a psychiatric Hospital the same week and given a therapist. My dad never visited once whilst I was in there. I was in hospital just short of a year before I got out. I got out a month before I came to Lincoln. You know the rest. Up until earlier when you gave me the CD.
When I left you, Lucy was following me. That's why I left quickly. She made me realize just how deluded I've been being. I'm sorry for being such a loser. But thank you for at least pretending like you cared for so long. Can you do me a massive favour and thank the others too. With you lot I actually felt normal for a change. It was nice whilst it lasted.
Thanks again.
Love, Teddy.
P.s I enjoyed the first track by The Smiths. Mission accomplished.'