December 2005

It was December 24th, and Harm was running along the beach. He'd gotten up early despite having the day off to get in a run before Mac left for work. He was staying home with Logan and Mattie to prepare for that night's dinner. Trish would come by and help out a little later in the day. It would be the first big family dinner at their house, with his parents invited, and Catherine Graves and Jennifer Coates.

Harm stopped and looked out over the ocean. 36 years, Harm thought. That's when his father was shot down over Vietnam. He always did reflect on that this time of the year. He'd usually go to the Vietnam Memorial Wall at night on Christmas Eve to touch his father's name. He didn't make it last year because he was with Mac at the hospital. This year he wasn't even in DC, making it impossible to be there. But he had his memories. "Well, Dad, you'd be proud of me. I have a family now," he said quietly as he watched out on the horizon. He sometimes wished that he had a grave to visit, but his father was resting in Russia, where he had been buried by Sergei's mother. His brother Sergei was married and had two kids now. Maybe they'd get to meet again someday. They'd call a few times each year to catch up; other than that; they sent emails between them. Harm sometimes wished they were closer, but it was what it was.

Back at the house, Harm showered and dressed before heading for the kitchen. To his surprise, Mattie was up as well.

"Good morning," he said as he walked into the kitchen. "Even the teenager is up on a day off," he teased.

"I thought I'd help out," Mattie reasoned.

"I appreciate that, Mattie," Harm smiled. He bent down and kissed his wife.

"How was the run?" Mac wondered.

"It was good," he said as he hugged Logan. "What are we gonna do all day, huh?"

"Your mom will be here at noon," Mac said as she stood and brought her dishes to the sink.

"We'll manage," Harm reassured.

"I won't be late getting home," she promised as she walked over to him. "I'm sorry you won't get to go to the wall this year, either."

"This year, either?" Mattie questioned.

"Harm was with me at the hospital last year, after I was in a car crash," Mac reminded her. "He stayed all night."

"Like I was going to leave you alone," he said with a smile. "And it's fine. I'll go the next time I'm in DC."

She smiled and hugged him. "I better get going," she leaned back, and he leaned in and kissed her. She released him and bent down and kissed Logan's head. "You be a good boy." She smiled. "Bye, Mattie. You guys have a nice day. I love you guys."

"I love you," Harm kissed her again.

"Bye, Mac," Mattie said.

Later

Trish had come by at noon like promised. Mattie made sure Logan was down for his nap then headed for her room. Trish and Harm started preparations for that night's dinner.

"It's nice to have a family Christmas," Trish said with a sweet smile. "I thought that would never happen."

Harm smiled. "Yeah, I know."

"You look happy, son," Trish patted his arm. "Sarah is good for you."

Harm nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I'm glad we finally made it happen. There was a time when I thought I'd lost her forever. But the future is looking pretty good. I just hope…" he stopped and hesitated.

"What is it, Harm?" Trish wondered.

"Mac has this condition…"

"Yes, endometriosis," Trish said and nodded. "She told me."

"She did?" he was surprised. Mac wasn't that fond of sharing. "I'm glad she confided in you. She doesn't really do that."

Trish nodded in understanding. "She's a private woman, I get that, and I'm glad she trusts me enough to talk about these things."

"I'm glad too," Harm said sincerely. "I know how much carrying a child means to her. And it means a lot to me too. But I love her, and baby or no, baby won't change how I feel. I just want her to be happy."

"Funny, she said the same thing about you," Trish admitted. "You both seem very happy, son."

"It all makes sense now," he admitted. "Life."

Trish smiled sadly. "This is what your father and I wanted for you. I'm sorry that our choices have made your life more difficult. That wasn't our intention."

"Mom, I don't blame my choices on you or Dad," Harm promised. "The least of all you, Mom. You did your best. And I don't blame you for moving on after he was shot down. You had every right to be happy. Frank has made you happy."

Trish smiled. "He really has. And we couldn't have any more children," she added. "But with him, it all seemed so easy. You know, with him, I could finally sleep at night knowing that everything would be okay. With your father, I was always wondering every time the doorbell rang or the phone called if this was when they'd let me know that he wasn't coming home. I'm proud of his service, Harm. But to be the one waiting at home, that's a hard life."

Harm nodded with understanding, "I get it, Mom. I do."

"I know you do," Trish hugged her son. "I'm proud of the man you've become, darling,"

"Thanks, Mom," he hugged her back.

Trish stepped back. "I get my family Christmas," she smiled warmly.

"I'm looking forward to that as well," Harm admitted cheekily.

Later

The room was dark except for the three and a few candles burning. The house was quiet. Logan was in a deep sleep, and Mattie and Jenn, who was staying over, had turned in a while ago. Dinner had been lovely. It had felt right to have their first Christmas as a family in their new house.

"It's hard to believe that it's only been a year since I crashed my car," Mac said quietly. She had been thinking about the past year, how she'd made peace with her past, and had managed to look ahead despite everything that had happened the last two years. They had even gotten a Christmas card from Clayton Webb congratulating them on the wedding and wishing them a Merry Christmas. They hadn't spent much time talking about the past. Maybe that was a mistake. But there just hadn't been room for it.

"Yeah, that was a scare," Harm remembered. "At that point, I wasn't sure if I ever had a chance with you again," he admitted.

He didn't sound bitter, she noticed. "And I felt that I'd lost you. I pushed you away."

He turned to her, "I wasn't going anywhere, Mac. I was just a few steps behind you."

"It didn't feel like it," she admitted. "I knew I'd waited too long when I found you having dinner with Professor Montes."

He hesitated. "I didn't sleep with her," he finally said.

Mac let out a sigh. "It wasn't sex that I was worried about; it was your desire to move on, leaving me behind."

"I never wanted to move on, Mac," he pointed out. That's why I kept it professional and friendly with Alicia."

She smiled. "I wish we could have conversations like these back then."

"Yeah, that would have been something," he said with a chuckle. He took her hand. "But, we made it."

"We did," she leaned in and kissed him softly. "I love my new life."

"I love it, too," he chuckled. "It's different, though."

"Yeah," she agreed. "But good different."

He nodded. "Definitely."

The next day

Early the next morning, Mac woke up early to see if she was ovulating and woke her husband up for some morning fun. They were still in newlywed bliss, and they used every opportunity to enjoy each other. When Mac was ovulating, they made sure they got in a few extra rounds. They stopped mid-act by the baby monitor springing to life. Mac was about to move off him, but he stopped her.

"He's just talking away," Harm reasoned and swung them around still inside her.

"Okay, but we have to be quick," she said as her mouth found his.

They finished off, and Harm stood. "I'll take him."

Mac put her pelvic up high, drew the blanket over her, and relaxed. It wasn't proven to be of any help, but she'd try anything to make his little swimmers reach the target.

Harm walked in a few minutes later with Logan. "I changed his diaper," he said and put him down on the bed. He leaned in and kissed Mac softly. "Do you feel them competing?" he joked.

"Definitely," she chuckled as she reached for Logan. "Hi you," she hugged him close. Logan relaxed against her. Mac loved the lazy mornings when she had time to be a mom.

"We should get up and see what's under the tree," Harm suggested when he walked back into the bedroom with wet hair and a towel around his waist.

"I should run through the shower," Mac decided that she'd been laying long enough and got out of bed.

They had a nice time opening their presents, then Mattie and Logan spent time with their new toys. Mattie on her new phone and Logan with some building blocks on the floor. The boy was running around with a toy plane also to Harm's satisfaction.

"That's my boy," Harm said and joined Logan on the floor.

Mac laughed softly.

"Harm really suits his new role," Jennifer commented.

Mac nodded. "Yes, he sure does. He's amazing."

"Any news about the adoption?" Jenn wondered.

"There's been very little happening yet, but we have hopes for the new year," Mac said with slight worry. "I keep waiting for some relative to show up and claim him," she explained.

"That would be bad," Jenn said. "But isn't that highly unlikely since the parents didn't have families?"

"It's silly, but I just want to have the paper saying he's ours, and I'll relax," Mac smiled slightly.

"Well, I have a good feeling, ma'am," Jenn smiled reassuringly.

Mac offered a thankful smile. "Thanks, Jenn."

After putting Logan down for his nap, Mac went to look for her husband. She found him in the kitchen looking through the fridge.

"I thought we'd have leftovers for lunch," he said with a smile.

Mac nodded. "Yes, but later," she closed the fridge. "Why don't we nap?"

He looked confused. "Are you tired?"

She leaned in closer so that Mattie and Jenn wouldn't hear their conversation from their place in the living room watching Christmas movies. "No, I want to have sex."

Harm raised his eyebrows. "Oh."

"I'm ovulating," she reminded him. "You have the stamina for three times in a day, right?" She took his hand.

He followed her. "Three times? This morning, now and… tonight? Yeah, I'm sure going to try."

"Do you guys want to see this movie with us?" Mattie asked when they entered the living room.

"No, we're taking a nap while the kid sleeps," Harm said and offered a nonchalant smile.

"We can make lunch," Jenn suggested.

"Okay, great," Mac said as they headed for the staircase.

A little later

"I think I need a nap after that," Harm said as they were relaxing after their union.

"A nap sounds great," Mac agreed. "That was good."

"Yeah, have you always been this impulsive and energetic in the bedroom, or is that just with me?" he regretted asking that the moment he said it. "Never mind."

She laughed softly. "I know what I like," was her only response.

"You sure do," he propped himself up on an elbow. "So, are the swimmers swimming, you think?"

"Well," she hesitated. "We have no idea how powerful your swimmers are."

"Is that a hint that I should find out?" he wondered.

She smiled. "So far, we've been doing this on our own. Maybe we should get an appointment at that clinic, huh? See if there's something we can do? I have healthy eggs. I know that from my previous exams. It's just the way there that is a bit bumpy."

"We can make an appointment in the new year," he leaned in and kissed her. "I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled and kissed him again. "Thanks for doing this with me."

He pulled her into his arms, and she snuggled close and put her head on his shoulder. "There's no one I'd rather do this with."