A/N: Hello one and all! I have finally finished this chapter, after far too long. Life has, as always, been rather hectic. My time has been placed elsewhere, as has my mind. But I have been spending every spare minute I could find on getting this finished. I just hope you all like it.
I was so snug and warm, I really didn't want to move, but the whispering that was going on around me was telling me that it was time to get up and out of bed. "How was she last night?" I heard Merlin asking, most likely having just brought in our breakfast for us.
"A lot calmer than I expected her to be. I thought she would be awake for most of the night, afraid that her uncle was coming for her. She seemed to sleep all night with no problem." Arthur told him. There was just one little issue with what he had just said, it was all wrong.
Truth be told, I was awake for most of the night, in fact, I think I was up for all of the night. I had been careful to keep my breathing steady, and to make sure that I didn't fidget and move about too much. I wasn't afraid that my uncle was going to come back for me, I was petrified that he was going to come for me. The only reason I made it look as if everything was fine was for Arthur. I didn't want him to worry and fuss over me, I wanted him to think that everything was okay.
"Well, I'm sure she is just glad that she is back in Camelot and safe." Even I could tell that there was a hidden message in Merlin's words. "And after everything that happened I'm sure she would have been exhausted as well." True, I was definitely exhausted, but sleep just wasn't an option, not while the memories still loomed.
"Had there been any news? Did any of the patrols find anything?" Straight away I knew exactly what it was that Arthur was asking. My uncle was still out there somewhere, and it wouldn't be long until he came for me again.
There was silence for a few moments, before I heard Arthur let out a long sigh. "Give them some more time, Arthur, I'm sure they will find something." Merlin assured him, before I heard his soft footsteps and the creaking of a door opening. When I heard it close again, I knew that my warlock friend had left the room.
Once again the room was filled with nothing, the only thing I could hear was my own breathing. But that was soon broken when I heard the creaking of Arthur sitting down on the bed, I felt it dipping slightly as well. "It's all right, Isabella, I know you're awake." Damn, that wasn't part of my plan.
"I am not awake, I am asleep. Come back in a few more hours." I mumbled, keeping my eyes tightly shut and wishing that Arthur would just leave me be for a little while.
Unfortunately, that was not the case. "Isabella, you are as awake now as you were several hours ago when you were pretending to be sleeping." The Prince told me, his hand lightly brushing some of my hair away from my face.
Well, there was no point in carrying on with pretending to sleep when he knew that I really wasn't and he wasn't going to give up. "Fine, I'm awake. What do you want?" I asked him grumpily, wishing that I was waking up to a completely different morning.
"It's a good thing I know you're only grumpy because you haven't had any sleep." Oh, I really hated him sometimes. I spent far too much time with the Prince of Camelot, he seemed to know absolutely everything about me and my moods.
"I have had sleep. Like you told Merlin, I slept all night long, not a single worry to bother me." I couldn't help but repeat the words that he had said, just to let him know I did hear his little conversation about me while they thought I was asleep.
I finally decided to open my eyes and glanced over at the Prince. I can see a hint of hurt on his face, but most of all I could see how concerned he was. "I know that right now it feels like the whole world is against you, that you might as well give up on it all, but I am not going to let that happen." Arthur told me softly, taking a tight hold of one of my hands. "We will find that man, and we will stop him. Until that happens, I will keep you safe."
Honestly, I was getting a little fed up with hearing him saying that all the time. Yes, it was nice to have that reassurance, but I needed more than that. "I know." My words were seriously lacking any kind of enthusiasm, and I knew that Arthur would pick up on it.
"Isabella, I understand that you find it hard to believe, but you will be free of him, I'll make sure of it." I really wanted to believe him, I was desperate to believe him, but there was this doubt. Right at the back of my mind, clawing away at me from the inside, telling me that my uncle would always be after me, that I would never be free from him.
In my head I can still hear him, laughing at me, mocking me. He had rummaged through my thoughts, he had seen the truth about how much I care about the Prince, and I knew he would use it against me. I think that was what scared me the most, what he would do to Arthur. At the end of the day, my life was pretty insignificant, and his was so much greater. There was no way that I would ever risk his life for my own, no matter what he said or thought, I would do everything to protect him.
I couldn't help but let out a sigh. Everything was in such a mess, and I really could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was just being suched further and further down into a dark pit and there was no way I was going to be able to claw myself back out again.
"You need to get some sleep." Arthur suddenly told me, bring me back to reality and scaring me a little. I had actually forgotten he had been sitting there on the bed with me, I had forgotten he was holding onto my hands. "There is nothing to be done today, so you need to actually get some rest."
I quickly shook my head at him. "No, it's fine, I'm all right." There was no chance that I was going to get any sleep. If I hadn't been able to sleep during the night, what made him think that I was going to be able to sleep now, during the day?
"Isabella, you failed to get any sleep at all last night. I know that you were awake the whole time, your breathing was uneven, you were forcing yourself to stay as still as you could, and I heard you crying." Well, I hadn't expected him to pick up on that much last night. "I pay more attention than you think I do."
"Arthur, I'll be fine. If I go to sleep now then there is no chance I will sleep tonight." I told him, hoping that he would listen to me, that he wouldn't make me go to sleep. "And anyway, it wasn't just me who was awake pretty much all night, was it?" How could he have known I was awake if he hadn't been awake himself?
The way he was looking at me told me that he really was thinking about what I had just said, he was considering leaving me alone and not forcing me to sleep. I was slightly surprised when he moved his hands and rested them against my cheeks. "Please, Isabella, do not fight with me on this. All I am asking is that you try to get some sleep, I'm not demanding that you sleep for the entire day, just that you try to sleep for a little while." I could see the concern and worry floating around in his eyes, and it made me wonder if I looked as bad as I felt. "If not, I will get a sleeping draught from Gaius and give it to you secretly. I'd rather not have to do that."
I'd rather he didn't do that either, I didn't liked being drugged, even if it was for my own good. There really was no way out for me, and I honestly just didn't have the energy to fight with him. "Okay." I managed to whisper, my eyes still locked with his. "I'll try to sleep."
His shoulders dropped a little as he relaxed, clearly happy with my response. I didn't really have a choice but to say yes, I knew that he would get a sleeping draught for me and get me to take it without realising it, he had done it before already. "And I will be here the whole time." The Prince replied, lightly planting a kiss on my head before his hands released me.
For some reason, tiredness had washed over me, and I found it much easier to settle down in the bed that I had thought. I could feel my eyelids growing heavier, but I was still trying to fight it, I couldn't help but fight it. My mind was plagued with thoughts of my uncle, of what he had done and what he could do, that was what I was scared of. I didn't want to close my eyes and see him there, or find that he hasn't really gone and is still there inside of my head, playing games with me. Without even realising it, my breathing had become very erratic, and tears had started streaming down my face.
Within a heartbeat, Arthur's hands were back on my cheeks, and he was lifting my head, trying to get my gaze to meet his. "Isabella, look at me." He said to me softly. "Everything is fine, come on, just look at me." I tried to, but the fear and panic were growing even more in my chest. "Isabella, it's all right, it's just us here, there is nothing for you to fear." His words did nothing to calm me, they were barely even registering.
I tried to speak, but only a sob came out. I was falling apart because of how terrified I was of my uncle. Arthur ended up wrapping his arms around me tightly and pull me against his chest. I felt one of his hands lightly rub my back, obviously trying to sooth me, but all I could do was let the tears roll down my cheeks as I thought of all the things my uncle could be planning. It truly terrified me.
"Isabella, you have to calm down." I heard him whisper to me, his other hand entangled in my hair. "Just take a deep breath, all right? There is nothing to be afraid of right now, he isn't here, he cannot get you." I wanted to believe him, I really did, but the pounding in my chest was making it really hard for me.
"Arthur, I… I can't…" I wasn't even sure what I was trying to tell him, but it was getting more difficult to breathe. Black spots were starting to form in my vision, and my head started to feel fuzzy. This was the panic attack that I had been so desperate to avoid, the one that I knew would come when I tried to relax, when I let myself begin to believe everything was going to be all right.
"No, no, no. Come on, don't do this, Isabella. You're stronger than anyone thinks, I know you are, I've seen it. Please, you just need to calm down." The Prince told me, holding me even tighter. "You have no idea how brave you are, but I do. You are the bravest woman I have ever met, as well as strange. After everything you have already been through, you still carry on."
Although I heard his words, everything was starting to get a little blurry. It was starting to sound like I was hearing everything underwater, and the pressure in my chest was building each second. I was trying to take a deep breath, I really was but the sobs were just taking control, taking over. Every time I pushed my uncle from my mind, he slipped straight back in again.
I felt Arthur's hands move from around my back and my hair as he pushed me away slightly. His gaze fell down and met mine as he rested his hands on my cheeks. Even though I was looking straight at him, I couldn't see him, not really. My vision was blurring too much, and the black spots were spreading like a rash. But there was nothing wrong with my ears, apart from the blood pumping through them, and his words were coming through clearly.
"Come on, please, you need to stop this, you need to calm down." It didn't matter how many times he told me that, it didn't make it any easier. "Isabella, he is not going to get you. He will not hurt you, I swear to you, you are safe. I will always keeps you safe, because I love you, Isabella."
The pounding in my chest and my ears suddenly stopped and my mind went completely blank. There was absolutely no way in all of eternity that he said what I thought I heard him say, clearly I had misheard him. "What?" The word had escaped my lips before I had even processed it, before I had a chance to even stop myself.
His eyes were still gazing into mine, the rest of the world just melting away around us. "I love you, Isabella. You are the kindest, honestest, strangest person I have ever met, and I love everything about you." And now I wanted to burst into tears. I had let it happen, even though I had told myself a hundred times or more not to, I had let myself become too comfortable there. I had let the Prince of Camelot fall in love with me. "You are so special to me, Isabella, and I would do anything to protect you and keep you safe."
I had no idea what to say to him, I didn't know if I should say anything. For a start, I had never expected to hear those words said to me by anyone, let alone a Prince. Secondly, I felt guilty enough as it was, I was changing the whole legend of King Arthur and Guinevere. He was meant to say those words to her, not to me. Everything was turning into such a mess. Correction, my life was turning into a bigger mess than it already was.
"I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm just being silly, that I don't really mean it. But I do mean it, and it doesn't matter what you say, that is not going to change." The look in his eyes told me everything, he really did mean every single word he just said, and that just made it even worse for me.
"Arthur, I.." How could I tell him that maybe I didn't want to try and convince him otherwise but that us ever being anything more than just what we were was never going to happen. It was an impossible thing. It was a ridiculous thing. It was something that could never happen. "I…" My words were completely failing me.
His thumb moved slightly and caressed my cheek. "You don't have to say anything, Isabella, I don't expect you to. I just wanted to tell you, I wanted you to know the truth. Nothing is going to change between us, not if you don't want it to." Of course he meant every word that he said, and he was speaking to me so softly as well, I just wanted to break down completely.
Before either of us could say another word, the door swiftly opened, and Merlin came barging in. "I hope you're both hungry." He called, brandishing a tray filled with food. It took him a few more seconds to realise that Arthur was paying him no attention. "Uh, I'll just leave this here." Merlin placed the tray down on the table and started to back off towards the door. As he moved, he caught my gaze, and a concerned look spread across his face. "Is everything all right, sire?"
Finally, Arthur was broken out of his little daze and turned his attention to his servant. "Inform Gaius that Isabella has had a panic attack. Quite a sever one, she could hardly breathe." Great, just want I wanted, more people fussing over me. "Get him to come and take a quick look at her, just to make sure she is all right."
Merlin simply nodded as he bowed out of the room, while Arthur and I remained silent. Honestly, I still didn't know what to say, Even my mind was completely blank. There was nothing there, not a single thought about what I could say to Arthur. I could have just told him how it was stupid, him saying that to me, that he really didn't mean it and that he was just trying to shock me to pull me out of my panic attack. Maybe that really was why he had said it, to shock me back to reality.
"Are you okay?" He suddenly asked me, his eyes now searching mine, but for what, I didn't know. I answered him by nodding my head, it was all I could trust myself to do. "You're lying, Isabella."
"Stop calling me Isabella all the time." I ended up muttering. "There are only two people who ever called me that, and it was usually when I was in trouble." I couldn't explain why, but it was starting to bother me a little now. It was always 'Isabella', all the time, he only ever called me Isabella.
From the look on the Prince's face, he was a little confused. "I find it hard to believe you were ever in trouble." There was actually a hint of amusement in his eyes, and he was trying not to mask it with the confusion. "Talk to me, tell me."
I could feel myself still shaking a little, even though I was a lot calmer than I had been before. My breathing had evened out, yes, and my heart wasn't pounding in my chest so much, but there was so much more swirling around in my head. "Isabella Rosa Lagoon, I would always hear that name when I had done something that I wasn't supposed to, when I had been caught sneaking out when I shouldn't have been, when I couldn't blame it on my brothers." The name that they used to call me, a firm look on their faces. "That was when I knew I was in some serious trouble, when they used my full name."
"So, all the time then?" I knew he was just joking, that he was just trying to make me smile or laugh, but I didn't find it funny. It hurt.
"My father, he used to call me Ella. I remember, one afternoon when I had been playing with my brothers, and I fell over and cut my leg. My brothers panicked, all they saw was the blood and they made a run for it, leaving me sitting there on the floor." I informed the Prince, remembering it as clear as day in my head. "I was only little, and I started crying. Not because of my leg, but because my brothers had just run off and left me. Well, my father heard me, and came rushing to me. He picked me up and I wrapped my arms around his neck, and he started speaking to me softly, telling me that I was his Ella, and that his Ella wasn't scared of anything."
Arthur just smiled at me, his hands relaxed but still holding my face, his thumb still caressing my cheek. "Well, she has certainly shown me that she isn't scared of anything."
"My brave little Ella, I will love you forever." I could feel the tears starting to build in my eyes now, remembering my past life, my family. "He would always say that to me, whenever I was hurt or upset. 'My brave little Ella, I will love you forever. Near or far apart, you are always in my heart.' That was what he would say to me, over and over again until I fell asleep in his lap."
There was a change on Arthur's face now, and I could see that he was listening more closely, he knew it wasn't a joke, he knew that I was sharing something personal with him. "It sounds like he loved you very much."
I nodded a little. "He did, and I loved him as well, he was my father. And my mother, I was her little Bella. every morning she would braid my hair, and then she would let me brush her hair and try to braid it. I could never do it, I didn't really know how to do it, but I still tried." Dragging up all these old memories probably wasn't a good idea, because I knew it was going to turn me into a blubbering wreck, but it was better than thinking about someone else. "My mother tried so hard to make me into to pretty little girl, but I was more like my brothers, I just wanted to go out and have fun, not sit around in a big pink dress all day. She understood, even though she still didn't approve. I was always daddys little princess, I was always going to follow my brothers around and get into trouble."
"It sounds like your parents were wonderful people." Arthur told me, one of his hands now running through my hair, brushing it back and out of my face. "I'm sorry for what happened to them, and for never being able to meet them." There was so much sincerity in his eyes when he spoke, and I knew he understood. He had lost his mother at a very young age, too young to even remember her if I recall correctly.
"I think my mother would have liked you. This you, not the arrogant prat of a Prince I first met out in the forest, or that chased me up a tree. She'd like the real you, the one that I see every day." My mum would have approved of him, he was honest, brave, caring, and loyal, she would have taken to him in an instant. My dad, on the other hand, probably not. "My father, however, would have most likely challenged you. You would have to prove yourself to him, he would make your life miserable if he didn't think you were good enough."
Arthur wasn't upset by that, by what I had said about my father, he just seemed to smile at me even more. "I'd expect nothing less. You are such an amazing person, and you deserve every happiness in your life, of course he would wish to make sure that you were treated well and that you were happy."
"I am happy, but I miss them, I miss them so much. And my brothers, I miss them as well." The fact that in this world they were alive softened the blow a little, but then there was the reality that they were so far away that I wasn't able to see them.
"Things will not always be this way, we will find him, and we will stop him. And once we do, you will have the freedom to go anywhere you wish. You will be able to travel back home to Elbear and be with your brothers, and you can come back to Camelot whenever you wanted to." There was a hint of sadness in Arthur's voice as he spoke, and I knew there was something in what he had said that bothered him. "You will be free."
I ended up closing my eyes and reaching out, wrapping my arms around the Prince. It only took a moment for him to wrap his arms around me and to pull me closer towards him. "Who said I wanted to leave Camelot in the first place?" I asked him, knowing full well that even when I was free to do as I wished, I would still want to be in Camelot, to be with him. "Yes, I do want to go and see my brothers, but Elbear has not been my home for such a long time now, and after everything that happened there, I'm not sure I could stand the memories." It had never been my home, and it never would be. Where I was now, in Arthur's arms, that was home to me.
We stayed like that for a few more minutes, until there was a gentle knocking at the door. I didn't want to let go of Arthur, and he didn't want to let go of me either. Instead, he just called for them to enter. The door creaked open, revealing Gaius, who had a very concerned look on his face. "How are you feeling Princess Isabella?" The old man asked me as he shuffled rather quickly into the room.
"I'm okay, it was just a little panic attack, that's all." I really didn't want him to make a fuss over me because of it all, it really wasn't that big of a deal.
Obviously, Arthur was not going to let me get away with that, oh no, he was ready to tell the man exactly what had happened, "A little panic attack? Isabella, you couldn't speak, you couldn't even breathe. You were shaking uncontrollably and sobbing. That was not a little panic attack."
I hoped that Gaius was going to just look me over and then leave, I didn't want a lecture from him. "I am afraid that I must agree with Arthur, Isabella." Of course he did, why would he believe me? "It is natural for you to suffer these kinds of attack after everything that has happened, but when they do happen you must take certain measures to help relieve it."
"It really wasn't that big a deal." I protested to both Gaius and Arthur. "I just had a thought about my uncle, that was all. It will not be happening again." I hoped that it wasn't going to happen again, I couldn't go through all of that again. It felt like the whole world was crashing into me, and there was no escape.
"I was a very big deal, Isabella." Arthur told me, his hand now holding mine tightly while Gaius checked me over. "It did not take you just a few seconds to calm down, not even a few minutes was enough. It was serious, and it is very likely that it is going to happen again."
No, I was not going to let it happen again, I wasn't going to let him get into my head like that again. That was why it had happened in the first place, because I had let it get to me, but I had to be stronger than that, I was stronger than that.
I kept my mouth shut, leaving Arthur and Gaius to talk about me. It was just safer for me if I kept quiet and let them deal with it, they would just argue with me if I said anything anyway. 'Isabella, what happened? Are you all right?' I ended up hearing Merlin calling in my head.
'I… I had a bit of a panic attack. I'm fine, everything's okay.' I didn't want him fussing over me as well, it was bad enough with Arthur doing it when I could be spending time and energy on something more productive.
'I meant with you and Arthur. Isabella, you're head is a mess, your thoughts are scattering everywhere, I can hear them.' Well, I knew that my head was a mess, but I had no idea that he was able to hear them. 'You can talk to me, you know that you can.'
There was no way I could talk to him about what had happened with Arthur, about what he had said to me and how I was feeling. I was still struggling to understand it all myself, why on Earth would Arthur say something like that to me? Maybe he had just said it to calm me down, it certainly shocked me. I had waited so long to hear someone say those words to me, I hadn't heard them since my parents had died, except for when my brothers had said it to me. I couldn't get my head around it, and every time I thought about it, my head hurt even more.
A/N: Ta da! I bet half of you didn't see that happening, and I bet the other half are shouting 'FINALLY!' at the screen.
I am sorry that it has taken me so long to get this out to you all, but I wanted to make sure that it wasn't just a rushed piece of rubbish, I wanted to make it worthy of you all. I hope I have managed that.
A big thank you to every single one of you who takes the time to leave a review. Without you all, I would have taken even longer to get this finished. Knowing that there are so many of you out there that are eager to read my stories really pushes me to focus and produce the best writing I can. I love you all!
Well, that's all for now, folks. Fingers crossed that the next chapter will not take so long to complete!
Pippa.