Chapter Eight: One May Smile, and Smile, and Be a Villain

At breakfast on Friday morning, Morrigan brought Lily three letters. The first was from Dumbledore. It was little more than a hastily scrawled note, and it filled her with irritation.

Dear Miss Black,

The Portkey to transport you, Mr Black and Mr Potter to Malfoy Manor will be ready at seven am tomorrow morning. Please arrive at my office a few minutes prior. The password is 'cauldron cakes.'

Your eternal servant,

Professor Dumbledore

She'd almost forgotten Sirius and Potter were coming with her; that had been a mistake. Her insides lurched when she read Potter's name. He was a hundred times more dangerous than her cousin. He smiled, and smiled, and mocked her and teased her, and sometimes he saved her, but he had ruined her first.

She had enjoyed having him in her power: she would need to find a way to replicate that situation. But she would always hate James Potter, and a lot of it came from that night almost two years ago, and the things he had done to the girl she had been.

The next missive pleased her. It was a box wrapped in black silk upon which the letters of the jewellers had been discreetly embossed. She slit the slender envelope that accompanied it and scanned the contents quickly. Blah, blah, blah... thank you for patronising H.M. Malkin, have a nice day...

The third letter was the oddest of them all, and Lily didn't know exactly how it made her feel.

It was from Bellatrix Black.

The trademark black ribbon curled around the scroll surprised her. No letters in over two weeks, and then two in quick succession? She flattened the parchment with a bowl of fruit in the corners so she could carry on eating her porridge as she read it. Her eldest sister's looping longhand was printed haphazardly across the surface. That was like Bellatrix – such beautiful writing, presented so messily.

Lily –

I haven't much time right now, and I don't wish to say much in case this falls into the wrong hands. In any case, I shall see you tomorrow at Cissy's wedding. Remember, do not under any circumstances mention Andromeda. I have a piece of advice that I want you to follow: Wear the pendant Father gave you at all times. Do not take it off. Whenever you go outside, even places like Hogsmeade, ensure it is fully visible. Promise me.

Bella

"What's wrong?" Marlene asked, seeing Lily frown as she crumpled the letter in her fist. "Who's that from?"

"Bella," she answered.

"And what does it say?"

Lily hesitated. "To wear my Black pendant at all times."

Marlene nodded. The Black pendant was a necklace all women of the family had made for them when they were born; men received a signet ring. Naturally Lily had one, but she hadn't worn it in months. It made her feel slightly uncomfortable when everyone's eyes were automatically drawn to it. Not that it was ostentatious, exactly; it simply exuded its own power, and she knew how dangerous that could be.

And of course, it undeniably signalled out her membership of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black.

"Has she told you why she wants you to wear it?" Marlene asked.

Lily shook her head. "No, but I'll write and ask her... Should I actually wear it?"

"Yes," Marlene said simply. "Bellatrix is telling you to, and I understand it's usually a good idea to do as she says." She watched with an inscrutable expression in her blue eyes as Lily took a quill from her pencil case and began a reply.

"Something else," Lily said after she had sent Morrigan off. "I got a note from Dumbledore, and he says I have to be at his office to catch the Portkey at seven tomorrow morning."

"Better set your alarm at six then," Marlene said. "Potter and Sirius will be there, won't they? Do you want me to come and see you off?"

"There's no need," Lily said. "Don't worry, you have a lie-in. It'll be the weekend, after all."

They stood up to go to lessons. They had their first period together, Defence Against the Dark Arts, but Lily instead pushed her bag into Marlene's hands.

"You go ahead," she said. "I'm going to run up quickly and get my pendant, like Bella said."

Marlene nodded and carried on to the classroom, carrying both of their bags. Meanwhile Lily flew up the stairs in Gryffindor Tower into the empty dorms. With a flick of her wand all the neatly folded clothes inside her trunk rose, depositing themselves on her bed. She leaned over the side to look.

Yes, there it was. Lily reached down and drew out the small black box. It was plain and unadorned, opening with a simple metal clasp. She gazed down into its contents.

The pendant sat resplendent on its white velvet bed. It consisted of a large, burnished gold disc hanging from slender golden chains; on the disc was stamped the Black coat-of-arms and its motto.

Toujours pur. Always pure.

Lily cinched the necklace around her neck, the disc resting just above the valley between her breasts. A cool haze settled over her. It was so strong she could almost feel it: the rush of icy self-awareness, a harsher tilt to her thoughts. She tried to shake it away. Of course one of the side effects of wearing a Black pendant was to unconsciously act more like a Black, but Lily was determined. She would fight it.

Of course she could. She was the one in Gryffindor, wasn't she?

"Look!"

Lily jumped and looked up from her pile of homework. Marlene had fallen in through the portrait hole, her eyes wild. She leapt to her feet at once.

"What's wrong?"

Marlene thrust a piece of paper at her. Lily took it and saw that it was the evening copy of the Daily Prophet. Her eyes widened in horror when she saw the front page.

"No," she whispered, sinking into her armchair.

MINISTRY CONFIRMS ROOKWOOD RESPONSIBLE

Harold Minchum, Minister of Magic, has just officially confirmed that Ministry employee Augustus Rookwood, 25, is behind the murders of a school of Muggle children and Mr and Mrs Bones. Mr Bones was a respected employee of the Goblin Liaisons Office. His daughter Amelia and son Edgar are students at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"But he couldn't have done it himself," a senior Ministry official confides. "We know he had to have had help, only we don't know who."

The death toll comes to 765 Muggles and 2 wizards. It is being passed off as a gas explosion.

There was a bitter taste in Lily's mouth. She set the paper down, gazing unseeingly into the fire. Hundreds of Muggles and two wizards... she had partnered Amelia Bones in that lesson where Sirius and Potter had been absent.

Potter. A terrible fury rose up in her, burning away all rational thought. She had been lying to herself: he had never exactly physically hurt her, not even on that night in fifth year, and so she had forgotten that he was more than capable of it. That he was Sirius's best friend for a reason, and his family was renowned for their Dark and bloody history. It had been far too easy to convince herself that – just because he had never technically injIured her – everyone else was as safe from him as she inexplicably seemed to be.

Nothing could have been further from the truth. She should have known that, better than anyone else alive.

Lily remembered how she had seen him in the Three Broomsticks with Rookwood. Sirius had asked for her help...

The faint ray of surprise she felt infuriated her. Why was she even surprised? In Sirius's case, their family would probably commend him. And James's father, Fleamont Potter, was a well-known member of the Dark Lord's inner circle.

But they'd gone too far.

Lily ignored Marlene as she strode to the portrait hole and vaulted through. It was nearly curfew; the corridors were deserted. She was numb inside, numb because she knew that soon she would ignite and nothing in heaven or hell would stop her. Unconsciously, she reached up to rub her fingers against the golden disc on her chest. Its heaviness was a comforting – even familiar – weight.

Without giving herself time to second-guess her decision, Lily stopped in front of what was apparently a blank wall in the dungeons. She knew better. It was the entrance to the Slytherin common room, and the password was easy. It really was very predictable. She cycled through a list of common passwords before she hit upon the right one.

"Salazar!" she hissed at it.

The wall slid silently to the side. She glided through, her blood burning slowly in her veins. The firelight danced off the stone walls of the dungeon and lit up a flurry of movement as the handful of people inside looked up at her. Their eyes widened comically in shock.

Her maternal cousin, blond-haired Evan Rosier, broke the silence first. "What the hell are you doing in here?" He pushed himself off an armchair and walked closer. "This isn't your common room, Gryffindor. And how did you even know the password?"

She ignored his questions. "Where are Potter and Sirius?" Her voice was low and vicious; it was only with great effort she stopped it from trembling and betraying her.

Rosier laughed. "Seen the Prophet, have you?" Before she could answer he jerked his head. "Lupin's over there, and he'd know."

Lily said no word of thanks as she brushed past him in the direction he had indicated. She knew they were currently muttering behind her, wondering what she would do, shocked at her sudden invasion. How many times had a Gryffindor come into the Slytherin common room? It was against the rules. She smiled grimly, knowing she did not care.

"Lupin."

Lupin had been curled up in a dark corner of the room, head buried in a book. He paled when he saw her. "Black –"

"Where are Potter and Sirius?" she repeated coldly. She was surprised to find that she was disappointed in him. Not angry, as she was with her cousin and Potter. Even if she was furious with them, she couldn't say it was unexpected. Lupin, on the other hand...

She'd actually liked him.

"Black, you have to understand, I have no power over them. I can't control them and they rarely listen to me –"

She was in no mood to listen to a half-arsed apology or worse still, an excuse. "Potter and Sirius, Lupin. Now."

"Sirius – I don't know where he is. James..."

The way he trailed off gave him away. Lily pivoted around, already knowing who she would face.

"Potter," she said. A blank statement.

"Lily dearest," he replied. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

She was vaguely aware of Lupin melting away into the shadows, but she was distracted by the fact that Potter's eyes had immediately drifted down to her pendant... and then a little lower, to where the curve of her breasts pressed against her robes. Something hungry flared in his dilating pupils. She had seen that expression before, and it had not boded well for her. He had seen something he wanted – then he had taken it, revelling in the destruction he had left behind.

Lily's tone was ice. "My eyes are up here, Potter."

"Oh, I know," he said, meeting her gaze with sudden amusement. He took a step toward her. It took everything she had to not take a corresponding step back. He looked so wild here, in his natural habitat, a raw, primal energy rolling off him in waves. His black hair was tousled, as though he had been running his hand through it in agitation, but every muscle of his lean body was relaxed.

She knew better than to show weakness. Weakness, to a Slytherin like him, was as blood to a shark.

Lily remembered her reason for coming in the first place and tight anxiety in her stomach faded away. "How could you?" she hissed. "Innocent children, Potter! I thought even you would have limits –"

He sighed heavily. "I might have known that's what you'd be here for. Look, Lily, have you ever considered that maybe, sometimes, people don't have a choice?"

She looked at him in disbelief. "Don't have a choice? Everyone has a choice!"

"You're many things, Lily, but I never took you for an idiot," he said. Incredibly, he seemed almost to be disappointed in her. "You hide behind Bella and Cissy, and now Lucius Malfoy, safe in the knowledge that they wouldn't let anyone lay a finger on you… and then you lecture the rest of us on choices. As though you could understand, for a single moment, what it's like not to have any. To have expectations of you, and duties, and responsibilities –"

He broke off midsentence, as though he had said more than he had intended to. "The point is," he continued roughly, "There are some things I simply have to do."

Lily's mouth was dry. It was impossible to even know where to begin on the ridiculous things he had said. She didn't hide behind anyone! And how could anyone think she did not understand the concept of expectations?

"My family expected me to be in Slytherin," she snarled. "And I wasn't, and you know exactly what I went through for it. So don't you dare tell me I couldn't possibly understand what you're going through!"

"Your family," he said deliberately," have never been quite as high in the Dark Lord's favour as the Potters."

Her sisters and cousins would have considered that a grievous insult. Lily's eyes narrowed. "Your point?"

Potter abruptly changed tack. "Alright, Lily," he purred. "Since you care so much, why didn't you stop him?"

She gaped. "I beg your pardon?"

"You could have taken him up on his offer in the Three Broomsticks," he said carelessly. "Then maybe, all those little Muggles wouldn't have died. The question is, why didn't you? Because you were too scared of Rookwood. So before you go pointing fingers..."

"I was not scared!" Lily spluttered. But what he had said had hit too close to home. Guilt and self-doubt rose up within her in a toxic wave, gnawing at her insides. And he could sense it, Slytherin that he was; his smirk told her what she already knew. The battle was over, and he had won.

But there's still the war, she thought viciously and turned to go. As the wall slid back he called, "See you tomorrow, Lily!"

Of course, the wedding. Lily sighed tiredly. She'd die happy if she never had to see James Potter again, but that wasn't the case, so the million-Galleon question was: how would she survive most of a weekend in his presence without murdering him?

AN: First of all, Ramadan Mubarak to any Muslims reading this!

The Lucissa wedding is coming in the next chapter. Ellie, I'm glad you're looking forward to it! It makes me smile every time you review :) It's one of my favourite chapters, and don't worry, there's lots of Lily interacting with her Black family. Shruthi, I love Lucissa as a couple too, and I'll try to pepper in cute scenes between them!

Thank you to everyone who's already voted in the poll. Insanely, it turns out I have EXACTLY the same number of votes for every single option, so please - if you haven't already - let me know your thoughts! I really need a tiebreaker.

Life Update

I know most of you don't care, so feel totally free to skip this! I just find it fun to write because I don't keep a real daily diary. I did indeed make the lemon tart late last night, and it was pretty good! I messed up the store-bought shortcrust pastry, because apparently you have to 'blind bake' it with rice first? I don't get that concept at all... But I just slathered it with lemon curd, which cures all ills :D I'm making key lime pie next week, which has no baking so I have high hopes for it!

Ellie, I hope your baking went better than mine :P What did you make?