Chapter Ten: Prevents a Bad Marriage

"Potter," Lily said warily.

He came closer, out of the shadows, a goblet cradled between his fingers. She skittered away. She had her wand, but she didn't want to use it; she couldn't cause a scene at her sister's wedding.

"What are you doing out here?" he asked.

"Probably the same thing you're doing out here," she replied curtly.

"No, that's not possible. I followed you," he said. She frowned, squinting at him, wondering if he was drunk. There was a slight slur to his words, and his movements were languorous.

He still had the power to put her on edge. Intellectually, she knew that she was a formidably powerful witch now, but her body still betrayed her, taking her back to a time when she had been helpless before him.

When he had made her helpless… and worse, made her like it.

"My time is precious, Potter," she said. "What do you want?"

He took a slow, deliberate gulp from the goblet in his hand. The white column of his throat bobbed as he swallowed. "You," he said. "Always you. Over me… under me… with me…"

Lily rasped out a laugh. Most definitely drunk. His words summoned up a series of images in her head, and she erased them with vicious thoroughness. "Never," she said.

"Again," he corrected softly.

"What?" she snapped, still brooding over what Sirius had said. "What was that?"

"You mean never again," he repeated.

Her breath caught. They had never discussed what had happened that night. For nearly two long years she'd said nothing, simmering silently, because it was better than having to actually confront what had happened. First she had been too afraid to face him: later, she hadn't known what to say. But suddenly Lily was tired of pretending. Pretending it hadn't happened, pretending it hadn't fazed her, pretending she didn't still dream of it…

Eventually, it had been a matter of pride for her. She'd needed to show him that nothing could crack her perfect mask, least of all something he had done. He would not break her control. Maybe it was what Sirius had said, or maybe it was just her, but Lily was done with hiding.

He read it in the sudden hardness of her eyes and up-tilt of her chin. She took a step forward, and her blazing intensity made him take a step back.

"Careful, Potter," she told him. Her voice was empty. "It's on my terms now."

"You wouldn't hurt me," he said. "You would never want to be what I was."

"Was?" she said coolly. "Past tense, Potter? Really?"

He looked away, refusing to answer. "I told you before. You don't know everything, and there are things in your perfect existence that you make sure you never understand. We don't all have that luxury."

She brushed past him, leaving him standing alone in the shadows.

The moment the Portkey deposited them in Dumbledore's empty office, Lily stormed out. Her mind was running over and over again on what Potter had said the night before, so similar to what he had said when she had confronted him in his common room.

What wouldn't she understand? What didn't she know?

Two years ago, Potter and Sirius had been a pair of sixteen-year-olds eager to do all they could to serve the newly risen Dark Lord. She recalled the conversation she'd had with Regulus over it. He'd been wary of them jumping in feet-first; she had expected it.

She knew something had happened in the meantime. The fervour in their eyes had died, replaced with grim determination. Perhaps they had seen the true cost of service. But that didn't affect the fact that Potter had had a hand in her greatest shame, the night when her own incompetence had overwhelmed her, and for that he had to pay.

"I'm back!"

She flung open the door to the dorm. Marlene, who had been sitting cross-legged on her bed, jumped up with a squeal.

"I've missed you!"

The two girls hugged. Lily felt her troubles melt away, as they were apt to do in her best friend's presence. They settled on her bed.

"So, what happened?" Marlene said expectantly.

Lily opened her mouth to begin a condensed narration of her weekend, but broke off as her eyes filled abruptly with tears. Instantly Marlene wriggled closer to wrap her arms around her.

"What's wrong, darling?"

"I don't know," Lily said, biting back a shameful sniffle. Incredibly, the sob that wracked her body set off a jolt of laughter; when was the last time she had cried? Nobody had ever managed to reduce her to tears like this. Nobody but James Potter.

She wondered if she had, finally, gone mad.

"Tell me," Marlene ordered. Concern roughened her voice.

So Lily told her, narrating everything down to the last detail. Like how Rabastan had congratulated them on what they had done it, Sirius asking for a dance only to tell her why Bellatrix had wanted her to wear the pendant…

How could she love her sister so much and know she had done such terrible things? Did that make her just as bad?

The words spilled out of her until she had exhausted them. Through it all, Marlene simply rocked her and listened.

Three weeks.

For three weeks she had managed to avoid Potter. It was now early December. Once Lily's reason had returned she had realised that, while she was far gone enough to want revenge, she had to pull her punches. Otherwise, she would be no better than him.

And she was better than him, in every way possible.

So she'd been avoiding him. Her mind turned over possibilities for vengeance with all the cold precision of a machine. In the meantime, certain she wouldn't be able to stop herself from simply hexing him if she saw him, she did her best to ensure she never laid eyes on him.

Sirius was a different matter. For one, he was family, and she knew that if she really wanted him punished all she had to do was tell Bellatrix. She was closer to her eldest sister than Narcissa. She also knew how his mind worked. Remorse wasn't something that came easily to a Black – if at all – and it would be useless to expect him to feel it.

Besides, he hadn't done to her what James Potter had. They were family, after all.

Sirius was also her Potions partner, and that was the reason why Lily was currently striding down a dark, dank corridor at eight pm, on her way to the dungeon classroom. Their projects were going to be marked the next day. She was on her way to administer a sprig of holly to enhance their Revitalising Solution.

"Goddammit, Sirius, I said no!"

She stopped dead and held her breath. Was that who she thought it was?

Another familiar voice rapped out an answer. The voices were getting louder; it sounded like the owners were just around the next bend. She slipped out her wand.
The Disillusionment Charm blended her into the stone wall, and the deep shadows broken only by sporadic torches provided sufficient coverage. It was no Invisibility Cloak, but it would do.

She pressed closer to the wall and listened.

"Snape's got it wrong," Potter's voice insisted. "Hewon't just let us go, we were in it for life the moment he branded us. You heard what Rookwood said. He knows our bloody thoughts –"

"Augustus was bluffing," Sirius cut in. The two boys rounded the corner, and Lily stopped breathing and closed her eyes as she tried desperately to become part of the wall.

"If anyone can do Legilimency, it's him. Bellatrix Black is the only Occlumens I know. I'm out of this, Sirius."

Sirius spoke quietly. "James. I'm sure you don't need me to tell you what happens to traitors. Going to join the Order now, are you? Beg Dumbledore for a second chance after you so spectacularly messed up your first one two years ago?"

Two years ago. The words rang through Lily's head. To her, two years ago meant only one thing, and she wondered what that night had to do with anything. A second chance? What had happened to the first one? What was an Occlumens, and what did her sister have to do with it?

Potter and Sirius vanished around another bend. Mechanically Lily carried on her original journey. Her mind was spinning with questions. What was it that Potter wanted an out of? What branding, and what Order?

God, there was so much she didn't know! As she dropped the prickly green leaves into the cauldron she vowed to go the one place she went to whenever there was something she didn't know: The Library.

What was it that Potter had kept saying no to?

AN: So sorry I couldn't get this chapter out yesterday! I was pretty tired/busy from the first day of Ramadan. I'll try to keep updating twice a day, but it may have to be once a day. I'm so sorry! On the other hand... the chapters will still be at least daily, so I hope you won't feel too deprived.