Chapter Eleven: Beguile Thy Sorrow

A week passed before Lily found time to visit the Library. It was now mid-December, the last day before the Christmas holidays started; the seventh-years had been loaded down with NEWTs preparation. As the corridors had emptied after the final lesson had finished, Lily was alone as she padded down to the Library.

On a hunch, she made a beeline for the Restricted Section first. She was fully conscious of Madam Pince's suspicious gaze, but straightened her back and perused the shelves.

Legilimency... Occlumens.. Potter had said that Bellatrix was the only Occlumens he knew...

She crouched lower to search the O section. Of course, there was the possibility that whatever they were talking about was Dark stuff and therefore not here, but often there were things in the Restricted Section that veered dangerously close to that line. She carried on looking.

Oberon: A Biography, by Damara Dodderidge. The Negative Side-Effects of Obliviating Muggles, Edgar Stroulger. A Beginner's Explanation of Occlumency – yes! She curled her fingers over the top of the narrow leather-clad spine and pulled it out.

The title was embossed on the front in faded gold letters, set deep into the smooth black calfskin. Reverently Lily cracked it open to the first page. She always felt something almost... holy as she opened a book for the first time, a sense of an opening chasm beneath her feet, and this time was no different as she read the introduction.

Occlumency is an obscure art, difficult to master with any degree of accuracy. As always, success depends upon the power of the countering Legilimens.

Lily felt a sudden burst of pride. Like Potter had said, if her sister Bellatrix was the only Occlumens he knew among their circles of old, wealthy bloodlines, that must be a great accomplishment indeed. She smiled to herself and carried on.

To understand Occlumency, a basic knowledge of Legilimency is first required. A Legilimens is a person capable of delving within the cognitive functions of another individual at will, and comprehending what is found there. Thoughts are not clear-cut; they are impressions, memories, and senses. Only a Legilimens capable of navigating this tangle may effectively utilise their ability.

She drew in a short, shocked breath. She was of age, had grown up within the hallowed halls of one of Britain's foremost wizarding dynasties, and yet she had not that it was possible for people to – in its most basic interpretation – read her mind.

There was a rustle behind her. She jerked, remembering where she was and berating herself for her momentary slip. Light, rapid breathing sounded from the other side of a shelf.

Lily gripped her wand. "Who's there?"

A body appeared. She tightened her grasp, then relaxed when she saw who it was.

"Oh," she sneered. "It's you."

Remus Lupin twisted his hands nervously around each other. "Look, Black, I know you aren't exactly happy to see me right now –"

"That is an understatement," she said icily. "I think I'd be more than just unhappy at seeing the world's biggest coward."

He had the gall to look hurt. "Do you really think there's anything I can do to change James or Sirius's minds, once they're made up? Because if you do, you don't know them as well as I thought you did."

No, she didn't think that, but that didn't make it alright. "You're their best friend," she pointed out. "You have far more of a chance at stopping them than most people."

Lupin stared past her, his eyes distant. "James and Sirius do what they want. They always have, and they always will, and sometimes – for all they care – the rest of the world can go to straight to hell."

Was that bitterness she could see in his face? Something wasn't right, and despite herself Lily began to feel the stirrings of interest. "What's wrong? I assume you sought me out for a reason…"

"Oh, yes. Well. James won't be happy if he finds out I've told you, but I thought I at least owed it to you to warn you. After the holidays –"

Abruptly he paused and tilted his head to the side, as though listening to something inaudible to her. She frowned.

"Lupin? What is it?"

"I have to go," he said in a rush.

"No, wait!"

But he had already gone, slithering out of sight so fast she wondered if he had an Invisibility Cloak with him. What on earth was his problem?

Lily shrugged and picked up the Occlumency book to borrow. While she waited for Madam Pince to stamp it with the return date, her eyes turned to the doorway.

Potter and Sirius walked through, deep in conversation.

Her breath caught. She hurriedly looked back at the librarian, but felt more than heard the talking stop as both boys saw her and stopped dead. Eventually they wandered off into the stacks, but even when they were no longer visible her heart continued hammering frantically. She fought to keep her expression neutral. If they found out she had heard them last night...

Lily got outside without incident and sighed with relief. Now she could devote her attention to the warning Lupin had given her – or tried to, in any case. That had been a curious incident, deserving of more attention. She unconsciously rubbed the chain of the Black pendant she had yet to take off. Whatever it was, apparently Potter wouldn't be happy if he knew that Lupin had told her. Such good timing on Lupin's part, to be able to leave just as Potter had come in.

Suspiciously good timing, in fact. She could not believe it had been merely luck that had sent Lupin skittering away in time. Yet how could he have known? Was it possible that somehow, he had heard Potter and Sirius approaching, even though they had to have been a good fifty feet away at the time? No, surely not. That was impossible.

There were more secrets and lies wrapped up in this web than she ever could have guessed, and she risked drowning in it all if she tried to solve every mystery that came her way.

"Right, listen up, Gryffindors!"

The occupants of the Gryffindor common room snapped to their feet as their Head of House clambered ungracefully through the portrait hole. McGonagall straightened up.

"I will be taking the names of those of you staying at Hogwarts over Christmas. Make an orderly line if you are, please!"

Lily started to walk over but Marlene caught her arm.

"I forgot to ask," she said, "but do you want to come to mine for the holidays?"

Lily hesitated. "I don't know... Your parents won't mind, will they?"

"Of course not," Marlene assured her. "They love you. Everyone does, come to think of it," she added teasingly.

The mocking laugh that erupted out of Lily shocked even her. "That's rubbish. My sister Andromeda's been gone for months and hasn't bothered to write to me. She didn't even tell me she was eloping. She had to have known that I wouldn't sell her out! And let's not start on how my cousin hates me, sometimes I don't think Narcissa would notice if I died, and the only person who gives a damn about me is Bellatrix –"

– Who may have killed more people than even I could dream of, she finished silently.

Marlene waited for a moment and then said, "You said her name."

"What?" Lily blinked. Now her rant was over, she felt vaguely foolish.

"Andromeda," Marlene explained quietly. "You said her name. Your parents disowned her and you've been told never to acknowledge her again. You tried, but I guess you must love her so much that you just couldn't keep it in. And because you love her so much you're hurt she hasn't contacted you."

There was a pause as Lily digested this information. Finally she said wryly, "When did you become so smart?"

"About the same time you became so stupid," Marlene grinned. "But really, think how Andromeda must feel. She's been cut off by her whole family: she doesn't actually know who she can trust."

"So I have to make the first move," Lily realised. She leaned over and hugged her best friend tightly. "Thank you for helping me see that. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"So does this mean you're coming over for Christmas?"

"I might as well," she said. "I suppose it couldn't hurt."

Marlene beamed. "Brilliant! I'll go owl my parents and tell them there'll be an extra guest." She bounded up.

Lily watched her go, a faint smile lifting the corners of her lips.

AN: I MADE IT BACK! Here is your second update, as promised. Luckily I'm a few chapters ahead, revision-wise, so I should be able to maintain the twice-daily updates without any major interruptions. As before, I'm sorry for missing it yesterday!

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