Chapter Nineteen: I, Your Glass

Lily spent a sleepless night. When she did finally drift off, Sirius and James stalked hazily through her dreams, chased by the Carrow twins, fire bursting from the tips of their wands. She had finally discovered why the girl had looked so familiar; she was Hestia Carrow, from a lesser branch of a Sacred Twenty-Eight family connected to the Dark Lord, and it was her twin sister Flora who had died.

It was like that night in June 1976 all over again. But two years ago, nothing had ever led back to James and Sirius: the girl who had been murdered then had died in the Shrieking Shack, outside Hogwarts' boundaries, and there had been no evidence to tie it to them. Lily – the only victim who had left the room alive – had, of course, never said a word. But this time was different. Sirius had been sloppy. Hestia Carrow had survived, and by now, no doubt every teacher in the school was aware of what had happened – not least of which the Headmaster himself.

Lily was grateful when it was finally morning. She raced through her breakfast and, to her relief, discovered that she would not have to find out whether she would truly have executed her threat against Lupin, for he was already there, sitting ramrod-straight on the settee in the Prefects' bedroom at the assigned time. She did not think she would have liked the answer.

He looked up as she approached. "Hello."

She inclined her head and sat down beside him. There was silence.

"Look," Lupin said abruptly, "I... there are some things I can't say, of course. I simply can't."

Lily frowned. "Are you suggesting you're under an Unbreakable Vow?"

"No," he said drily. "It's called loyalty. James and Sirius are my best friends, and I would never betray them."

She was grudgingly impressed. "You told me once that they do what they want, and the rest of the world can go to hell," she said.

"They risk their lives for me every day," Lupin said, and something – perhaps the utter conviction in his voice – made Lily accept it.

"Alright," she acquiesced. "You won't be giving away their secrets. I can respect that. But there are still some things I want to know."

"Ask away," he said. She detected amusement in his tone, and narrowed her eyes. She was still the one with the upper hand here, wasn't she?

"So," Lily said. "James and Sirius belong to the Dark Lord."

It was not a question, and in any case they both knew the answer, but Lupin still nodded. "They've been his since they were sixteen – as you know," he added.

"Yes," Lily said. She did know, perhaps better than him: some nights, Lysandra Yaxley's dying screams still echoed in her ears.

"Fleamont Potter said that James messed up the Rookwood killings. What does that mean?"

"He was supposed to perform the spell that caused the Muggle school to explode," Lupin said. "But he was unable to, somehow, and Sirius had to do it instead. I don't know the specifics."

Lily blinked. That tallied with what her cousin had told her.

"He hasn't laid a finger on anyone for weeks now..."

"He wants out..."

"Lupin," she said, her voice low and breathless, "does James... is James trying to get out of the Death Eaters?"

Almost instantly, she understood that it was something he would not answer, but that didn't matter. She had heard enough of their conversation that night in the dungeon to put the pieces together herself. James wanted to get out, and he was going to die trying, because nobody left the Dark Lord and lived. Lily felt an odd stirring at that thought; pity, perhaps. Scorn, a little bit. Surely he should have known better than to join the Dark Lord in the first place.

Anyway, as Lysandra Yaxley and Flora Carrow would probably have testified, his regret had manifested itself just a little too late.

Lupin saw her thoughts on her face and winced.

"Some would say he has it coming, wouldn't they?"

"Perhaps he does," she returned flatly. "One last thing. What is the Order?"

"That, I don't know," he said.

Lily rose. "Thank you. You've been a great help."

"I didn't have a choice," he said wryly. "Can I trust that you won't be spreading tales of my furry little problem around school?"

"Your secret is safe with me," she promised, smiling.

"Back again, cousin dear?"

Sirius' voice was genteelly mocking, his body sprawled out beneath a beech tree in the grounds by the frozen lake. Despite the frosty January air, he was dressed in nothing more than his school robes. Swathed in her cloak, Lily felt almost overdressed. But that was Sirius; he always made everyone else feel out of place.

"I'm surprised," he said. "You usually go out of your way to avoid me, but here you are, seeking me out for the second time in two days."

Lily simply tilted her head. She assessed him, his relaxed posture, elegant good looks, the arrogance exuded by every pore of his body. He had always been a handsome boy. Soon he would be a handsome man. A sudden vivid mental picture flashed before her eyes – Sirius, his eyes haunted and face gone gaunt from Azkaban, but his with former charm still evident. She shook away the disturbing image.

Her scrutiny had unnerved him. Lily was only able to tell because he had shifted position minutely.

"Sirius," she said. "You're looking well. I would have thought you'd be clapped in chains by now."

He raised a sardonic eyebrow. "Why, thank you. I admit, I'm a little surprised as well, but Dumbledore has always been an old fool. Slow to think and slower to act."

"A school of Muggle children!" Lily burst out suddenly, unable to bear anymore how her cousin could simply sit there as though nothing was wrong. "It wasn't Augustus Rookwood behind those killings, was it? Not really. Not when you were the one who cast the spell."

Sirius sat up, all pretences gone. "Who told you?" he demanded harshly. "I'll skin them alive!"

"You don't need to know that," she said. "But things have reached a head. I'm going to Dumbledore."

She had not previously made that decision, but as soon as she said it Lily knew instinctively that it was the right one. He might be her blood but she could no longer excuse it; something of this magnitude needed to be punished.

And if she gave him gift-wrapped to Dumbledore… the Headmaster would not need to go seeking out other perpetrators. Particularly perpetrators who had not even really done anything wrong here.

Sirius eyed her contemplatively.

"You've made your choice, then?" he said. "You'll stand against the Dark Lord?"

"Don't sound so shocked," she said. "After all, that's what James wants to do, isn't it?"

With that parting shot, she started to turn away. Knowing her cousin as well as she did, something occurred to her.

"I wouldn't be too hard on Lupin, if I were you," she said over her shoulder. "He knows the meaning of loyalty."

Sirius nodded briefly, acknowledging her words. Lily left.

She had a Hospital Wing to visit.

AN: I hope this clears up a few of the questions you might have had...

I can smell my mum frying samosas from my bedroom I AM SO READY