Chapter Twenty-One: A Ministering Angel Shall My Sister Be

Lily had been intending to do this, and been putting it off, since before the Christmas holidays. Andromeda had fled with Edward Tonks back in October: the longer the time Lily had allowed to elapse, the more difficult it had become to escape her quagmire of indecision. Eventually it had just seemed easier to keep letting it pass her by.

But now it was almost criminally hard to find the right words. Lily sat at a desk in the Gryffindor common room with a roll of parchment set out in front of her, nibbling at the end of her quill. Marlene and Frank were at the Library; Arabella sat with a fourth-year, tutoring. The room was warm and cosy. The windows of Gryffindor Tower revealed that the evening sky was, once again, heavy with the snowflakes that caught in rivulets on the glass.

She had been sitting here for nearly half-an-hour already. Lily knew what she wanted to say, but somehow all the words she used to frame her request sounded wrong. A pile of scrunched-up parchment bore witness to her many attempts.

Lily tried again.

Dear Andromeda...

No.

Dear Andy...

Too informal, for the sister she hadn't spoken to in months.

But at one time, she and Andromeda had been two peas in a pod – using her full name felt wrong. Lily was eventually forced to resort to digging out a Galleon and flipping it. It landed on Morgana le Fay instead of Merlin. That settled in.

Dear Andy

Lily found that, with the first part taken care of, the rest came more naturally.

How are you and Edward? I hope everything is good. I'm Head Girl at school. It's very trying, but I enjoy it. James Potter has taken over from Remus Lupin as Head Boy.

I understand this is an unexpected request, but if you are able, I would like to see you. I have some questions to ask.

She hesitated, then wrote,

I miss you.

Love,

Lily

Before she could change her mind, she tied the scroll to Morrigan's leg and watched him fly off. Half of her wondered if Andromeda would reply at all.

She didn't have long to wait. Morrigan returned at breakfast the next morning, bearing a hastily scribbled note.

Dear Lily,

Yes, of course – I would like to see you too. I have been hoping that you would write, and I have some questions I would like to ask too. When are you free?

I miss you too.

Love,

Andy

Somehow it was the best and worst letter Lily had ever received. The best, because a part of her had been terrified that her own letter would simply go unanswered; the worst because it gave so little information away.

I miss you too.

"Marlene? When's the next Hogsmeade weekend?" she asked, nudging her. Marlene paused shovelling in cereal long enough to reply.

"The end of February. Why?"

"Because I want to –"

Lily stopped abruptly, as did everyone else in the Hall. Slowly, majestically, the doors had swung open, revealing a single figure framed inside the doorway.

James sauntered forward. His face was once more as perfect as it had ever been, and almost unbearably blank as his hazel eyes passed over her dismissively with nothing but a blink. She felt irritation well up at his casual once-over. Gone was the boy who had begged for her understanding in the Hospital Wing; now after their argument, he was once again well on his way to ruling the school.

Dramatic bastard. She tightened her grip on her spoon.

There was a dead silence as he slid into his normal seat at the Slytherin table. Nobody could fail to see the very definite gap where Sirius should have been.

A few more moments passed, then conversation resumed at a quieter volume than before. Lily turned back to Marlene.

"As I was saying, I want to meet up with Andromeda, but the end of February is too far away." She sighed.

Marlene eyed her speculatively. "Why don't you sneak out?"

Lily choked. "What?"

"Sneak out," she repeated nonchalantly. "I trust you're aware of the definition. It means to employ clandestine and covert means to vacate a building without its occupants being aware of it."

"I know what sneak out means," Lily snapped. "I mean, have you taken leave of your senses? I'm the Head Girl! I can't sneak out!"

"You can and you will," Marlene said. "If you want to see Andromeda this side of your birthday, at least."

Lily decided to humour her. "Alright, let's say I agree. How would I even do it?"

"That's the easy part," she said. "You ask Remus Lupin for help."

Now Lily was completely certain that her best friend had gone mad. "Are you listening to yourself? You hate him!"

"No," Marlene corrected, "I hate his friends. Lupin himself has never done anything wrong. He's even helped you, albeit under coercion. Why shouldn't he do it again?"

Grudgingly, Lily admitted to herself that she could see the logic behind it. It was true. Lupin was certainly the least of four evils when one considered the Marauders. She even had the blackmail necessary to guarantee his help. But...

Her lingering sense of duty to her prized Head Girl badge warred with her desire to reconnect with Andromeda for a few more seconds, before ultimately expiring. For ever after, she'd feel like a fraud, but family was more important. Lily took a deep breath.

"Fine. What do you propose I do?"

"Find him at lunch," Marlene said. "You know he'll probably be in the Library."

The bell rang for lessons. Anticipation and worry twisted in Lily's gut throughout Arithmancy, but she ruthlessly squashed it down until she was approaching the solid oak doors of the Library.

It was empty.

No, not quite, she realised. James lounged in one corner with his feet on a table, flicking through a narrow volume. She tried hurriedly to retreat.

"Lily?"

Too late.

"James," she greeted coldly.

To her surprise, he was grinning at her. The sight did odd things to her insides. "Ah, Lily, my Lily. Just the person I wanted to see."

"I am?" she said disbelievingly.

He nodded. "Oh, yes. Everyone knows you're the best in the year at Charms, and that's one of my worst subjects. I've been meaning to ask you – can more than one person be the Secret Keeper in a Fidelius Charm?"

"Well, yes," she said in surprise. "There can be any number, but obviously it will be more effective when there's just one, since that minimises the chance of a leak."

Was this truly James Potter? He looked the same, and he talked the same, but he couldn't possibly be the same. They'd just had a normal conversation, after she'd announced yesterday morning her decision to commit his best friend to prison. She had thought, with a painful combination of relief and self-directed anger, that their temporary truce was at a halt. He should have hated her after what she had said.

A part of her – the Blackest part of her – hated herself.

"Thank you, just what I wanted to hear," he said. "What are you doing in here? Looking for someone?"

She considered him. "Yes, Lupin. Have you seen him?"

"He's in the Common Room. Why?"

"No reason," she said. "Goodbye, James."

"Wait," he said, jumping to his feet. "Lily, there's something I need to ask."

She waited. "Yes?"

"Would you really have betrayed Sirius?" He was looking at her, his eyes more gold than brown, head tilted back. "Your own cousin?"

Lily hesitated. "I don't know," she confessed. "Yes – no. I would have, and I wouldn't have. I couldn't – but I should."

"Is that so," he said. The sharp edges of his teeth flashed when he smiled. "How very interesting."

Lily fled. Then, at least, she could convince herself that she had imagined the half-taunting, half-tender note in his voice.

AN: Never fear, Andromeda will be making her appearance soon!

Shruthi - sending you lots of good thoughts for your report! I hope you find inspiration for it, and that you enjoyed this little bit of Jily :)