Chapter Twenty-Four: In Virtue than in Vengeance

Two sides of a coin, they are: heads and tails, prince and pauper, saint... and sinner. Zigzag child, like lightning-born, riding the airwaves and eddies of wind. There is never wrong and right. There is only weak and strong.

She is what she is. Cruel, capricious, a fairy flitting at Beltane's Eve, a child with bones of marble. When she rages the world cowers. Who is there to keep her in check? He is. He, the boy with eyes like diamonds, and hair like starlight silk. When she is on the knife-edge of madness he is there to pull her back. They do not know what they are: brother and sister, husband and wife. This is their reality. Since when have they been friend and foe?

Together, they tumble through the seas of eternity, entwined around each other, always. He watches and waits. Whip-like, blades of steel and spine of flame. When she dances along a cliff he locks his fingers round her wrist and –

Pushes –

Lily woke up gasping. For a moment she stared at the ceiling, panting, fragments of visions colliding with cold reality in a kaleidoscope before her eyes. Slowly, her vision adjusted, and she realised that she was safe in bed.

She was still shaking.

Her dream, if it could even be called that, had featured a shadowy-faced boy and unknown girl locked in an unwinnable war. Sweat cooled on Lily's back. She didn't technically know who they were, but the pool of options was severely limited. There were only four people she had ever dreamed of.

Recognising that there would be no more sleep for her tonight, Lily moved to sit at the end of her bed. It had been a handful of days since her little excursion with James: her eighteenth birthday would be in a week.

James Potter. What to think of him? She had begun tutoring him in Charms as per their agreement, something that had made Marlene raise her brows when she'd heard. He was an excellent pupil. Attentive. Smart. Funny, even. Many times she had found herself laughing.

Lily wanted to think she had forgiven him. That she was completely over the bloody, twisted history they shared. But that night – that goddamned night – was such an integral part of her psyche that she worried a part of her would never get past it.

And she wanted to. Because despite it all, she liked him. So it was time to do what she hadn't done in the past two years.

On silent feet she crept to where Marlene lay gently snoring on her side.

"Marlene!" she whispered. "Wake up!"

When this produced no result, she went a step further. "McKinnon, now! "

Marlene groaned. "It's the middle of the bloody night, Lily, what do you want?"

"I want..." Lily paused and cleared her throat. "I want to talk to you about that night."

Marlene went ramrod-straight. She knew only the vaguest of details; Lily, Sirius and James alone knew the truth of what had occurred deep in the Forbidden Forest.

"Are you sure?" she asked softly.

"Yes. Sure," Lily murmured. Her voice was low.

Marlene eyed her for a moment, then wriggled over to make room in her bed. "Come on, then. We've not got all night."

Lily joined her beneath the covers. For what might have been anywhere between a minute and an hour, she marshalled her thoughts. Then she began.

"You know, of course, that I used to be friends with Lysandra Yaxley," she said. "She was… different. Her entire family were Death Eaters like mine, but she was – unworldly. It's hard to explain. Like she couldn't help but see the good in people even when I couldn't help but see the bad."

In her mind's eye, she saw Lysandra once more. Not as she had last seen her, dead on the forest floor, but the way she had looked in the summer of their fifteenth year: tall, slender, her hair a pale waterfall of ash-blonde hair braided down her back.

"You're not like that," Marlene said, but Lily ignored her and continued.

"She was Sorted into Slytherin. But I think that the Hat only did it because it knew what would befall her otherwise. Lysandra wouldn't have thought to ask the Hat to make her Slytherin like Regulus did, and her family would have truly disowned her if she became anything else. I think she would have been in Hufflepuff probably, but maybe Ravenclaw. At least my family still talk to me. The Yaxleys don't know the meaning of loyalty. They would have utterly cut her off.

"Lysandra couldn't survive in Slytherin. She was a bleeding swimmer in a sea full of sharks, and we all knew it. Because she couldn't defend herself, she was bullied by everyone – except my cousin Sirius. It isn't as though he liked her; he just thought her as interesting as an ant on the pavement. But still. Indifference was kindness for Lysandra, and soon... she fell in love with him.

"She loved him with all the feeling she had in her heart," Lily said, her voice growing strained. "I tried to stop her. God knows I did everything in my power to warn her off, to make her see reason. But she was a lonely little girl tormented by everyone and she'd latched onto the one person who had never hurt her."

"So she loved him. Fine. I always suspected he knew, but he never said or did anything, and I began to relax. Then Lysandra's older brother – Corban – failed to carry out the Dark Lord's orders. He had been told to place the Muggle Prime Minister under his control; somehow, he failed, and the Light side got wind of it."

Lily smiled faintly. "That was the end of that plan. Security was quadrupled and the chance was lost. The Dark Lord was... upset. But he didn't decide to punish Yaxley. Instead, the next evening I found a note from Lysandra saying that Sirius had asked her to meet him.

"I knew he wouldn't have. Not without some ulterior motive. The Bloody Baron – he's always been fond of me; I believe he was close to my great-aunt Cassiopeia – said he'd seen the two of them, and James Potter, heading towards the Forbidden Forest.

"I didn't think. I didn't have time to take a second to process it. I tore off with nothing but my wand, and got there just as they began."

The scrap of memory she had sunk into the morning before Narcissa's wedding played once more in her mind.

"Lily?" Potter said, swinging around to face her. Somehow, he had sensed her coming, though her steps had been soundless on the grass. In one glance he took in her raised wand and open mouth. He was faster than she was.

"Stupefy!"

"Expelliarmus!"

Her wand flew out of her grasp, and he caught it one-handed. Lily sucked in a breath. No, no, that wasn't supposed to happen –

He tossed it into the air and caught it again. "I wonder what brings you here tonight," he said conversationally.

She spoke to distract him, eyes all the time on the stick of wood he kept throwing up and catching, showing off his Quidditch reflexes with glib confidence.

"I know what you're planning to do," she said. "And I'm not going to let it happen. In fact –"

She struck, throwing herself at him, trying to snatch her wand out of the air. He wrapped his arms around her waist and let her momentum force them into a pirouette, laughing wildly. His body was hard and warm.

"Lily, Lily, you shouldn't have done that," he said, shaking his head. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to… Incarcerous!"

She screeched in fury as ropes burst out of the tip of his wand and crisscrossed over her wrists, binding them tight. The more she struggled, the tighter they grew. She slumped onto the ground, panting.

"Let me go, Potter!"

He looked down at her, his head tipped to the side. "No," he said. The words were deliberate. A little surprised. "No, I really don't think I will."

At sixteen years old, James Potter was arrogant and handsome, and he walked like he owned the entire world. But darkness was bleeding into his face as he watched her; a feral light grew to glitter in his stare. Fear bolted through Lily. Whatever mask of charming urbanity he usually wore had deserted him tonight, and the monster beneath it looked out through his eyes.

"What are you going to do with her?"

Sirius had slipped over to stand beside him. His pitiless gaze swept over her as she lay at Potter's feet. "She wasn't meant to be here," he added, when Potter said nothing but merely continued to watch her, eyes black with hunger.

Lily bared her teeth in a useless show of defiance.

"Nobody knows she's here," Sirius went on thoughtfully.

Slowly, the boy who wore Potter's skin smiled.

"Imperio," he said.

Serenity, such as she had never known, swept over Lily. She watched – clear-eyed but hazy – as Potter stooped down to come face-to-face with her. She had never noticed the gold in his gaze before. She smiled dreamily.

He grinned back, knife-sharp. "There we go," he murmured softly. "Now… kiss me."

She shook herself. "I don't remember everything of what happened next," she said. It was only half a lie. "James spent the night with me, on the ground of the Forbidden Forest." Hours and hours… he had placed Cushioning Charms on the grass, and Transfigured nearby twigs into pillow and blankets. She had an achingly vivid memory of lying on her back on his dark cloak with him leaning over her, deep inside her, eyes never leaving her face.

She had known nothing but pleasure that night. But Lysandra had not been that lucky.

"Sirius has always had a finely developed sense of pain. I didn't see him Cruciate Lysandra – but I heard it. They were never far from us. And then he dumped her body in the Shrieking Shack – I still don't know how he got there – and came back."

"And afterwards James Potter left you unconscious in the Common Room," Marlene said quietly. She had been the one to find her.

Lily exhaled. "Yes. And until that dinner party when I repaid him in blood, I could think of little else."

"But now?"

"Now... my sense of justice is silent. He has been helpful to me. And I trust him not to hurt me."

"Not to forget," Marlene said, "that he seems now like someone who no longer wants to be a Death Eater." She studied Lily. "I wonder what brought such an abrupt change."

Lily shrugged. "Who can say?"

Suddenly she was tired. These were words she had never spoken aloud before, and they had taken their toll on her. She now wanted nothing more than to go straight back to sleep.

"One last question," Marlene said. "Tell me, Lily. This is something I've often wondered about. Both Sirius and James were there that night – why was James the focus of your revenge and not your cousin? I know Sirius did nothing to you. But he's your blood, and he did nothing to save you, either."

Surprised, Lily had to consider the question carefully before she could answer. "It's complicated," she said slowly. "Sirius is Sirius. Hating him would be like hating a knife because it has cut you, or fire because it has burnt you. There's just no point. He might be a curse for me today, but he's equally likely to be a blessing tomorrow, and madness is his middle name."

"Alright," Marlene said. "Thank you. I've always wanted to know that. Goodnight, Lily,"

"Goodnight," she said as she tiptoed back to her own bed.

AN: And here it is! The chapter that reveals all (though I've dropped a ton of hints). Please review and let me know what you think!

I'm feeling tons better today - thank you - I'll be back tomorrow morning.

Shruthi: I'm glad you're enjoying! I hope your sister does too. Hello, Shruthi's sister :)

The oblivious nerd: I know there have been quite a few in a row without him but don't worry, James is back in the next chapter! I see him as a side character in the sense of Lily means more to him than he does to her right now, but that will change. Yes! You have such a good memory haha, that cryptic Sirius/Lily conversation happens in the next chapter too. Definitely not too critical! I appreciate all feedback xxx