Chapter 8: The road trip

Jades POV

"Okay Cat, it's going to take 17 hours probably more like 20 because I know you're going to want to stop places." Cat nods, there is a strange determination replacing her excitement now, as if she knows my true feelings, not just the surface ones I told her so that she'd stop prodding. I look at her steadily.

"Are you ready?" I ask her warily. She just nods silently.

We grab everything we packed and head to my black challenger. I'm nervous and all I can think about is getting to Tori and making everything right. I start my car and our journey begins, I'm riding on nothing but hope, however, because as we start to drive I realize something important.

"FUCK" I shout at a red light as we're leaving LA. Cat jumps in her seat.

"What is it Jade? Did you forget something?" She asks timidly.

"No" I sigh. "Well, no and yes" I murmur, anxiety crawling up my throat.

"Then what is it?" Cat cocks her head at me.

"I don't really know exactly where Tori is, like where she's staying in Seattle" I say quietly.

"Then ask her?" Cat says it like its easy, but deep down I'm afraid it will deter Tori and she may not want to tell me.

I know that Tori can tell that she's wanted back here, but I'm unsure if she truly knows that I'm doing this to see her because I want to, not because someone put me up to it. My fear grips ahold of me as I think about what could be going through her mind, I consider texting her but maybe I should wait until we get closer, like maybe when we get into Washington so that I can really navigate where we're going to go.

''I think I'll wait until we're closer, so maybe she won't be so skeptical'' I don't even think Cat can understand my anxiety about this, after all I let her go. let her run away in the first place, and deep down I fear that she knows that, even though I know that it's irrational because she never saw me, I think she can feel it. Cat is watching me as I comb through my thoughts, she's reading me and I know it. She's known me far too long to not question my thoughts like this, to not know that I'm not saying every little detail, that I'm hiding something from her. Not telling her enough.

She eyes me carefully. ''Jade, what are you hiding?" She asks, her curious gaze turning into somewhat of a glare.

I suddenly feel very overdressed, even though I'm not wearing anything too heavy. I try to pretend that I didn't hear her and focus on the drive, but I can feel her eyes burning holes into the side of my face.

"Answer me Jade" I know she's not going to ask again, she's going to make me stop this car until I tell her. I can't afford to stop so soon into the journey so I sigh in resignation and give up everything I've been hiding

Cat is silent after the information I've just revealed. I understand her silence though, and I know she's mad, but also more hurt than anything. She can't even begin to imagine the guilt I feel for what I've done. It's something that, even if I get Tori back, I won't ever forgive myself for.

The next few hours are silent between us, besides some music that I've had playing on aux. I don't blame Cat for not knowing what to say, but I know her, and I know that she is formulating some way to make me feel better for what I've done. I know that this journey is a step in that direction.

After a while, I start to reminisce about everything I've done to Tori and the tears start to come again. I think of all the times I've come to her so broken and dejected, and how during those times she's fixed whatever the problem was with ease and a smile on her face. My heart breaks more and I can't help but to cry a little. Cat starts to notice and interrupts before it gets so bad that I can't drive.

"What are you thinking about that's upsetting you so much Jade?" I know that's a trick question because Cat knows exactly what I'm thinking about most of the time.

''Do I have to answer that?'' I mumble, wiping my eyes and focusing on the road.

''No, not if you don't want to" Cat says calmly. "But if you want to talk about it, I'm here and you know that''

''Yes, thank you Cat, but you know what I'm thinking about'' I say bitterly, more towards myself than her.

''Jade, she knows you care, deep down she does. Trust me'' she reassures me.

''I hope so'' is all I can muster.

Before long we're in Washington. Shit, it's time to text Tori, see where's she's staying, if she is staying anywhere. I try to shake anymore negative thoughts, knowing that they won't help. I hope she knows I was serious. I pull into a gas station to text Tori, and fuel up.