Chapter Thirty-Three: Vows, to the Blackest Devil
As insane as Lily's plan seemed at first sight, it was not quite as untenable as one might have thought.
Her decision to come to Malfoy Manor had been based upon logic. Logic executed hastily and under pressure, yes, but sound nonetheless. She needed information: Dumbledore would not have given it to her. That had been clearly demonstrated by Remus's shock that he had never even mentioned the Order of the Phoenix to her. Lily suspected that he did not quite trust her, and that made a grim smile curve her lips as she undressed in the guest bedroom.
How little he knew. She would work to undermine the Dark Lord – but she would do it on her own terms, in her own way, and it was her own priorities that came first.
She was not as ill-prepared for it as she seemed, either. Her plan required significant amounts of falsehood, but the snatch of conversation she had overheard between James and Sirius before the Christmas holidays had warned her that the Dark Lord was most likely a Legilimens. She had even borrowed that book on Occlumency from the library, and read it cover to cover during the holidays – never dreaming that she would be putting the theory into practice. Tomorrow morning she would find out exactly how strong her mental shields were. James had once said that Bellatrix was the only Occlumens he knew… it was a shame she could not arouse her sister's suspicions by asking her for help.
Narcissa had lent Lily one of her own lacy nightgowns. Though her older sister was taller and slimmer of frame, Lily wriggled into it. The silken material slid water-smooth across her skin as she got into bed.
The sensuous caress made her lips quirk. James would be there tomorrow morning, as well, or so Sirius had threatened. She fell asleep imagining just how satisfying the look of astonishment on his face would be.
"Prongs!" Sirius snapped, bursting through James's bedroom door. "Prongs!"
James sighed and looked up from his book. "No, you can't use my bed again, I don't care if you've broken yours," he said. His eyebrows rose as he took in his best friend. Sirius was – for once – unaccompanied by the half-blood girl, and his features were sharp with unusual gravity. "What's wrong?"
"Lily's here!"
The book fell from his suddenly boneless grip. "What?" James said blankly.
Sirius vented his feelings by kicking aside a chair. "My cousin Lily's here! Showed up all of ten minutes ago, with Moony in tow! What the hell does she think she's doing?"
His throat was suddenly dry, and he had to swallow several time before he could speak. "Has she gone mad?" he said finally. "This place is everything she hates!"
Sirius glowered furiously at him. "I know that! But she doesn't seem to. Now I'm going to have to hide Marlene away from her… Merlin, this is so inconvenient…"
James was too Slytherin to permit shock to overpower him for long, and he had already recovered to lucidity, his brain whirring rapidly. "Why would you have to hide Marlene away from her?" he asked.
Sirius flicked a wrist dismissively. "I just don't need them having mothers' meetings and things in all corners of the house," he said. "Fucking hell." With that, he barged out of the room as violently as he had entered it.
James closed his eyes. He had not thought he would see Lily again for a long, long time. Perhaps ever. And yet she was now under the very same roof as him, maybe even on the same floor…
No. He would not go to her. He didn't know what game she was playing at, but undoubtedly it was a game. It was impossible that she truly intended to join the Dark Lord's service, and no matter how well she lied to everybody else, she could never lie to him.
The news of her arrival solidified a plan he had been idly considering for several months now, but only truly thought about once he had left Hogwarts. He had not wanted to do it: it involved sacrificing significant amounts of his safety and freedom, and it would ensure he would never be able to change his mind again. There would be no choices left to him. For someone who had been playing every side of every conflict for nearly as long as he had drawn breath, that thought was nearly unbearable.
But Lily's safety came first. It always came first. And he was James Potter – he would always land on his feet.
James went over to his desk and began to write a letter.
Lily slept unexpectedly well that night, and woke to find Bellatrix shaking her, her face alight with excitement.
"He's back!" she crowed. "Our master wishes to see you, Lily – don't keep him waiting!"
Lily scrambled out of bed as Bellatrix left. It was only seven in the morning, and she suppressed a yawn as she hurriedly splashed water on her face and transfigured her school uniform into a set of severe black robes, with a pocket for her wand. Her Black pendant gleamed like sun-fire against the unrelieved darkness of her clothes.
The news that she was about the meet the Dark Lord himself was an effective wake-up call, acting like a jolt of adrenaline upon her tired body. The sleep had totally vanished from Lily's eyes by the time she descended the mahogany staircase outside. Almost everyone else in the house still seemed to be asleep: the corridors were dark, and but for Bellatrix waiting at the foot of the stairs, there was nobody else around.
"You'll do," she said, giving Lily a critical once-over. "I must remember to tell Mother to send your clothes over. Did you not think to at least leave Hogwarts with your belongings?"
"I didn't have much time to pack," she said. "Where is he?"
"In here," Bellatrix said. There was a wild glitter in her dark eyes that Lily had never seen before. Tamping down her discomfort, she followed as Bellatrix led the way to one of Malfoy Manor's many sitting rooms. Her mind had to be blank – utterly, totally blank. She could not afford a single distraction.
The family reserve she had always had was undoubtedly a helpful characteristic. She was already accustomed to concealing her emotions behind a mask of polite disinterestedness. Occlumency was nothing more than a heightened version of that.
As cool and Black as she would ever be, Lily let Bellatrix swing open the door and stepped in behind her.
She stopped short. Surprise – hastily suppressed – threatened to crack her carefully cultivated exterior.
The room was large, but heavy green velvet curtains had been pulled across the windows, plunging them into a close, suffocating darkness. Lamps glowed dimly from their perches on various pieces of furniture. Their light played over the sheer number of people who had turned out to see her success – or her downfall. Despite the early hour, all were fully dressed.
Lucius and Narcissa were standing by the empty fireplace, both tall and slim and pale and golden-haired, their eyes sharp with unspoken warning. Rabastan Lestrange was also with them, but he could not have looked more different from them; he slouched casually against the wall, and his shoulder-length black hair obscured one of the cold brown eyes that speared through Lily like ice. It warmed as Bellatrix crossed the floor to nestle herself into the crook of his arm. Together, the two couples – one fair, one dark – watched impassively as she moved further into the room. There would be no further help from that quarter.
Lily took in the rest of the inhabitants with lightning speed. There was Sirius, as promised, curled up on a sofa, his narrowed gaze tracking her movements as though planning how best to attack. James sat next straight-backed next to him. She had last seen him only yesterday, but it somehow felt like years: she traced all over again the angles of his thin face, the gold-green of his eyes, his soot-black hair. His expression was smooth, and it was clear he had already been informed of her arrival. She had hoped to witness his shock first-hand… but no matter. Now was not the time to dwell on him.
Not when she saw the man sitting in the armchair in the very centre of the room.
The Dark Lord was not an ugly man, but nor could he have been called handsome. Sirius was handsome, and James was handsome, but there had been and would be others like them. The Dark Lord was striking. It was undeniably a human face, but there was a vaguely reptilian cast to it: his cheekbones slanted sharply downwards, his nose was a straight slender slope, and – most of all – his irises burned scarlet in the ghostly whiteness of his face. The sight of them made Lily's stomach lurch with panic.
She had been a fool to do this, a fool to come here – a fool to ever think she could withstand the might of a man like him, whose name cast terror into the hearts of men the world over –
With massive effort, Lily wrenched her terror back under her control. No. She could not give up before she had even started. The stakes were far too high.
She was a Black, of the purest of bloodlines, her magic and her ancestry traceable for almost a thousand years. The Dark Lord… well. He had been at Hogwarts himself, she knew that much, and Sirius had not always been able to restrain his jeers in the safety of Grimmauld Place: he had hinted that the man's antecedents were not completely above reproach, and it was true that he had no claimed family members, something unthinkable to the sprawling pureblood network.
She cleared her throat.
"Good morning, my lord," she said. Her voice was only a little bit scratchy.
Slowly, he smiled. "Good morning, Lily," he said. "May I call you Lily?" His voice was high, cold, and clear as a bell. It raised goosebumps on her skin.
"Of course, my lord," she said.
He beckoned her closer with a long-fingered hand. "Let me see you, child."
She came as close as she dared, so close that she could have reached out to touch him. He was tall enough that he did not have to tilt his head back to look up at her standing form.
"Yes, you have the look of your sisters and cousins about you," he said. "Now tell me, Lily. You have never, shall we say… demonstrated an affinity for my cause. What brings you to Malfoy Manor now?"
A brick wall, she told herself silently. Her mind had to be as a brick wall.
"It's true I was never much interested in politics," she said, as steadily as she could. "I preferred to focus on my studies. But I see which way the wind is blowing. My family has a long history of loyal service to your cause, and I thought I should be no less."
"Really," he said. It was not a question.
His unblinking red stare was locked on hers. Lily began to sweat.
"Y – yes," she said. "When Sirius and James left Hogwarts for here, I realised how little my schooling mattered, when there are wars to be won."
She willed him desperately to believe her.
"Bella speaks highly of you," he said abruptly. "My gracious hostess, also." He nodded at Narcissa, who stood as remote as a statue from the safety of the fireplace twenty feet away. "I am certain you will be of use. But you understand, the Dark Mark is a great honour, not to be given or taken lightly. There are certain requirements you must fulfil before I bestow it upon you – and you must be sure of the path you choose."
"I understand, my lord," Lily said. She hardly dared to breathe. A bead of perspiration trickled between her breasts.
She had seen the Mark before, on James and Sirius and Bellatrix: the stark outline of a snake issuing from a skull. She had never thought to see it on her own unblemished skin. Her plan had not taken into account the weight of the Dark Lord's eyes on her, his charming manner, the pressure of what could only be his mind as it brushed against the flimsy walls that protected her own.
Lily gritted her teeth. She had to survive a little longer. Just a little longer… and then she could emerge into the sunlight outside the cocooning, womblike darkness of this room, and do all the things she had come here for. Punish James. Find Marlene. Question Sirius.
"You speak of James Potter and Sirius Black," the Dark Lord said. Lily experienced a moment of vertiginous, all-consuming terror as she thought he had plucked the thoughts from her brain, but he was only continuing their previous conversation.
"I did, my lord."
"Two boys who joined me in their youth, whose dedication is admirable," he said thoughtfully. "Who have ever carried out my will without question. I believe they will be excellent companions to you as you prove yourself to me tonight."
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Sirius uncoil into uprightness on the sofa, his movements a fluid twist. James leaned forward infinitesimally.
"My lord?" she said cautiously.
"Tonight," he said. His voice hardened. "I desire you to visit the home of Caradoc Dearborn. He is a member of the Order of the Phoenix, a lackey of Albus Dumbledore. You will not kill him – but you will stop little short of that, to warn the Order that I am watching and I am waiting. Sirius and James shall assist you. And then… based on your performance there, we shall see."
Lily blinked. "I – my lord –"
"An honour, my lord," James drawled. "It's been a while since you let us send warnings to people."
His voice worked upon Lily like a bucket of ice-cold water. Shaking off her paralysis, she sank into a shallow bow and edged backwards.
"Yes, my lord, as he said," she choked out. James had risen to his feet; his muscles were relaxed, and he was grinning, but she knew him well enough now to read his tenseness. His eyes flickered between her and the Dark Lord.
The Dark Lord hummed. "You do deserve something to help you get over yesterday's disappointment, James," he said. "I had expected Dumbledore to see through your ruse, but I did not expect him to see you driven out of Hogwarts for it."
Lily swallowed. So James had not told them that she was the reason he had been forced to leave Hogwarts and terminate his false attempts to join the Order. She realised she was not at all surprised: she had automatically expected him to hide her involvement.
Expected him to protect her, when she had not even comprehended the level of danger he would be in, if anyone realised he was lying.
"I imagine you are hungry enough for breakfast now," the Dark Lord said, finally – finally – looking away from Lily.
It was a clear dismissal. Bellatrix bounded forward and seized her arm, dragging her out of the room so quickly that she almost tripped over her own feet. Lily stumbled as they came to a halt in one of Manor's smaller dining rooms.
The sun had risen in the meantime. It would be a foggy day, and its light penetrated only faintly through the leaden clouds and thick glass planes. In comparison to the sitting room, however, the room was dazzling, and Lily breathed in deep lungfuls of air.
"– wonderful start," Bellatrix was saying jubilantly. "It only remains for you to acquit yourself well tonight – as I have every faith you will. And then nothing will stand against us!"
She was laughing, her beautiful, arrogant face lit up with pride. Lily quashed the involuntary wave of pleasure that surged her insides at the sight.
"Yes, yes," she said. "May I eat now? I didn't have dinner last night, after all."
"Of course," Bellatrix said. She steered them over to the long wooden dining table, adorned with plates of food, though Lily had yet to see a single house-elf. She began buttering some bread as Bellatrix dropped into the chair beside her and carried on talking.
"Sirius and the Potter boy may try to steal your glory – don't let them, of course. But above all, no matter how tempting it may be, don't kill the man. The Dark Lord expressly told you not to."
"I'll hold myself back, then," Lily said. Her voice was reedy, and she drank a goblet of pumpkin juice to moisten her bone-dry throat.
"Good," Bellatrix said, apparently deaf to the faint thread of sarcasm. "Don't concern yourself overmuch with it. It's not a difficult task. In fact, I do believe our lord set you an easy one."
"Easy," Lily echoed. Her stomach churned.
She had known she would have to cross lines to fulfil her plan, to avoid drawing suspicion to herself. But it had all happened so very soon. Yesterday morning, she'd had no greater expectation for the day than meeting James for a Charms lesson and a little Veritaserum…
Well, she had brought this upon herself. And she would get herself out of it. Whatever happened tonight would not be allowed to derail her schemes – no matter what James, Sirius, or even Caradoc Dearborn tried to do.
AN: I did actually have this chapter ready on Saturday, but I have a new policy of not updating on weekends so I'm afraid you had to wait a little longer. Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Let me know what you thought of it :)
Next update will be hopefully Wednesday or Thursday. Thanks to the guest reviewers, as ever!
Responses to Reviews
Shruthi - hope this chapter makes you facepalm less at Lily's reasoning! I've heard that some people are having issues with logging in and leaving reviews, so it's definitely a widespread problem. Stay safe 3
Ellie - Lily definitely doesn't actually want to join Voldemort, but I see her as taking on some of Snape's canon role in this AU, in that she's willing to go pretty far to ingratiate herself with the Death Eaters. Also, since most of her family are Death Eaters and have been for years, I think that to her, pledging loyalty isn't as big a deal as it would be for someone who wasn't a Black. I'll analyse her motivations more in later chapter! Oooh Tomarry that sounds like such a great dyanamic. I've tried a couple of fem!Harry/Tom and male!Harry/Tom ones but nothing that lives up to Tomiones (for me anyway) yet. I'm actually totally neutral on Hinny! I don't massively like Ginny but I don't dislike her either, I just feel like her romance with Harry is a bit cliche. Like she had a crush on him since Year 2 and I feel like OF COURSE he was going to go down the best friend's little sister route. And since we get so much of them together in canon, I don't like reading fanfics about them. Ahh Dramione is my second love after Jily! I really love it - it's like a darker version of the James/Lily dynamic, IMO. Like the pureblood who's a little mean to the Muggleborn. Ahh I've been doing so much baking! A couple of days ago I made a chocolate fudge cake which my brother and I have been slowly eating, and I think it might be the best thing I've ever made haha. How about you? I love reading your life updates too so don't worry about how long they are xxx
B - In the original I did have Remus plan to bring Dumbledore to Lily, but I decided to change that because a) all the action and other characters are at the Manor and b) Dumebledore hasn't told Lily anything so far, so why would he start now? I think Rowling hints heavily in canon that the Malfoys have a big capacity for love - Draco obviously adores both his parents and they adore him, and I can't imagine he'd be so well-adjusted if his parents didn't love each other too, so I love writing about this side of them. Tons more Sirius in the next chapter :P The one-shot is on AO3! I don't think I can post links but if you Google 'With Elegance, Narcissa Malfoy' it's the first result. I'll DM you the link if you still can't find it. There will be a proper Jily reckoning in the next chapter I promise xxx