Chapter Thirty-Four: Our Faith Mere Folly

As Lily and Bellatrix ate breakfast, more and more of the house's inhabitants woke up and trickled into the dining room for food.

Bellatrix kept up a running commentary for those whom Lily did not already know. "There's Antonin Dolohov," she said, jerking her head at a man with a narrow, twisted face and curtains of dark hair. "Not Sacred Twenty-Eight, of course, but a good man. You know Thorfinn Rowle…" This a much younger man, only barely older than Lily, blond and hulking. "Igor Karkaroff… The junior Bartemius Crouch – brilliant, absolutely brilliant, our lord's youngest favourite…"

Lily's glance flickered towards Crouch. He was a slender straw-haired boy, frail and wispy, but his brown eyes blazed with light. She had never seen him at Hogwarts before, though he looked slightly younger than her. He nodded at them as he passed by to pour himself more tea.

Something about him put her on edge, and she set down her cutlery with a thud. "Thank you, Bella, but I'd better get going," she said. "I've rather a lot to do today." Seeing James again was first on her list, though she did not know what she would say to him. Curse him? Thank him?

What could one say to the boy who had saved her and ruined her in equal measure?

And then, of course, she had to find Sirius, and force him to lead her to Marlene. God only knew what he had been doing to her.

Bellatrix frowned. "You shouldn't go out, Lily," she said. "I don't want anyone catching sight of you and knowing you're with us before tonight. You should stay in your room and rest up. I'll meet you up there later to talk through the plan and give you some suggestions –"

"Later," Lily said firmly. "In an hour, maybe. See you then!"

She scurried off before Bellatrix could stop her.

James and Sirius had not been among those who had entered the dining hall for breakfast. Pausing at the foot of the grand staircase, Lily surveyed her options. Malfoy Manor was essentially a three-storey castle, flanked by five-storey towers on either side; hundreds of rooms were concealed within its recesses, and it would easily take her the better part of the week to search them all.

Well, there was no time like the present. Suppressing a sigh, Lily hiked up the stairs and began with the first floor.

She moved from door to door with a sharp rap at each. From the vast majority there was no response, and when she tried the handles they turned out to be locked. Occasionally a sleepy voice would call out "Yes?" or "Come in!", at which point Lily would hastily retreat. None of the voices belonged to the three people whom she most desired to find.

The hour passed quickly. With rising frustration, Lily returned to her room, where she found Bellatrix and Narcissa waiting impatiently for her.

"There you are," the latter said. "We'd better get you ready for tonight. You'll need clothes – Bella says you left Hogwarts with nothing? Yes, the transfiguration on your school robes is already fading. We'll have to adjust some of mine…"

In the end, Lily did not find James and Sirius: they found her.

Returning from an after-lunch walk in the gardens, she froze with one foot inside the Manor and one still on the grass, her spine tingling. She whirled around only just in time.

"Expelliarmus!"

"Protego!"

Sirius's jet of red light bounced harmlessly off her Shield Charm.

"Excellent reflexes, cousin," he said affably, showing all his teeth as he grinned at her.

"Thank you, cousin," she said in dulcet tones. Her wand was levelled at his throat, but she was not looking at him. James was standing behind Sirius, his hands in his pockets, head tipped to the side as he watched her. She could not quite work out the expression on his face.

"We've been waiting to speak to you all morning," Sirius said. "It would certainly be ideal to have our plan for tonight in place before we get to Dearborn's house, after all."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "What a coincidence," she said. "I've been wanting to speak to you all morning, too. What the hell did you do to Marlene?"

"Who?"

"Don't give me that," Lily snapped. "Marlene McKinnon! I saw her leave with you, and so help me, you'd better produce her, or –"

Sirius laughed. "Or what?" he said. "What exactly is it you think you can do to me, cousin, here where the Dark Lord sits supreme?"

Her mouth tightened. "I'll ask Bella to get it out of you, if you don't tell me yourself," she said.

"An uninspired threat," he mused. "Hardly befitting a Black. Our lord adores me, and Bellatrix adores our lord – what do you think your chances are? No," he continued thoughtfully. "Permit me to offer you a deal, instead. You cease bothering me about Marlene. She's with me of her own free will, and you saw her leave with me because she wished it. In return… I shall see to it that you don't get the Mark."

"I want the Mark," she said defiantly. "I'm here for it, aren't I? Whatever I do tonight will be for the Mark. Not much of a deal there."

He snorted. "Rather misguided of you, Lily. Perhaps you should attempt to lie to those of us who haven't known you, heart and soul, for close on seven years. You've no more desire to take the Mark than I do to join the Order. Oh, Bellatrix believes you – she sees what she wants to see – but spare the rest of us."

James stirred, and both of their gazes snapped to him as he spoke for the first time. "You shouldn't have come here, Lily," he said. His tone was neutral. "There is little leeway for those who do not earn their keep."

His words made irritation fire in her blood. "I go where I want to go, James," she said, striving to erase the odd hurt that had risen in her at the knowledge he had not expected to see her. "Sirius – I see there wouldn't be much point in arguing with you. Deal."

He blinked, thrown off-guard. "What?"

She smirked. Catching her cousin by surprise was always pleasant. "I said, deal," she repeated, overexaggerating her enunciation. "I take it. I don't say that you're right, because you aren't, but you clearly believe that you are, and it would save us all plenty of time if I simply agreed. I shan't attempt to recover Marlene; you see to it that the Dark Lord trusts me but doesn't Mark me."

He was staring at her through slitted eyes. "Very well," he said slowly. "It is done. Be warned – if I catch you breaking your end of the deal, I'll go straight to the Dark Lord and inform him you're a traitor. You don't ever want to know what he does to traitors."

With one last look at her over his shoulder, he turned on his heel and strolled away into the gardens.

"He certainly has an eye for dramatic exits," Lily observed to James to cover up the sudden pounding of her heart.

"A skill which appears to have passed you by," James said drily. "I take it you've no intention of stopping your search for Marlene?"

"Of course not," she said, flashing him a dazzling smile. "Will you tell him that?"

"I won't need to. He doesn't trust you to fulfil your promise at all," he said. His eyes, part mossy-green and part darkest gold, lingered on the determined curl on her mouth. "Don't let him catch you, Lily."

"He wouldn't turn me in to the Dark Lord," she said with a bravado she did not feel. "We're family."

He shook his head. "If you took Marlene from him? There's no telling what he would do."

"Come," Lily said abruptly. "Let's walk."

She set off back into the grounds, feeling him hesitate for a moment and then begin to shadow her. Though there was a weak sun, the February air was chilly, and her long claret hair whipped behind her in the occasional gusts of wind. They walked in silence until they had entered a thicket of thorny oak trees that muffled all sound outside.

"I don't suppose," Lily said, "you'd care to tell me where Marlene is?"

His lips quirked in amusement. "You suppose correctly. I'm not betraying my best friend to anyone – not even you."

She had not expected him to, and felt her own lips twitch unwillingly in a reluctant smile. He was tall enough that she had to tilt her head backwards slightly to look him full in the face.

"But you won't betray me to him, either?" she said. "It's a delicate balancing act you do, James Potter."

"You have no idea," he murmured. "Keeping the two of you from each other's throats is a full-time job."

He was much, much closer to her than she had thought he was. Lily swallowed, and felt his eyes take in the prominent movement of her throat. His hand rose.

She stayed still, hardly breathing, as his shaking fingers brushed the silky crown of her head. What was he doing?

A moment later, his hand lowered. "Leaf," he explained in a guttural mumble. A tiny brown crumble of mulch that could have been a leaf was cradled in his palm.

"Y – yes," she said. "James. I haven't thanked you yet, have I?"

He stepped backwards, widening the gap between them, and tremors ran through her body at the sudden sense of loss. She had been so angry with him, before. Before she had seen and spoken to him. But it had drained away into nothingness.

"What for?" he said.

"For not telling the Dark Lord that I was the reason you had to leave Hogwarts. I can't imagine he was happy about it –"

Shutters went down over his expression. "It's fine," he said curtly. "No need to discuss it."

She bit her lip. The delicate, crystalline threads that had stretched between them had fragmented, and the moment was gone.

"Alright," she said, defeated. "Let's discuss our plan for Dearborn."

He began to stride out of the thicket, back towards the Manor, and she had to run to fall into pace with him once more.

"So, Caradoc Dearborn," James said as they walked. "A close ally of Dumbledore's, and a half-blood. He was at Hogwarts in the fifties. We'll be Apparating to his house; conveniently, he lives alone in Somerset. Meet Sirius and I outside the Manor at eight p.m. tonight. Our job shouldn't take very long, but we'll be spending the first couple of hours making sure that there are no trip-spells or hexes set up to alert anybody we're there. Then… we begin."

Lily nodded. Her voice did not seem to be properly working. The prospect of giving a man a 'warning', something that had been largely abstract and theoretical just that morning, was quickly concretising.

He scanned her face. "It won't be too bad, Lily," he continued in a softer voice. "We aren't killing him. Sirius and I will do most of the work; I'll tell him that you'll be the lookout, in case anybody plans on visiting."

"Thank you," she managed to croak. "I suppose I'll see you both then."

She left him standing there as she went on ahead, almost running up the stairs to her bedroom, and barely made it onto her bed before her legs gave out beneath her.

AN: I was going to put this up on Monday and let it be next week's update, but it's Eid tomorrow, so here's your present :) Eid Mubarak! Next chapter we'll see Lily's morals being tested to their limits...

I had hoped lockdown would be over by this time because I am CRAVING a warm taro bubble tea with brown sugar pearls, but oh well. I received some really lovely reviews over the week and I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who left one!

Also, I really feel like I'm managing to find the most apt Shakespeare quotes for each chapter. I had no idea he was so versatile haha

Shruthi - I'm afraid this chapter was a little shorter than hoped for, but next one should be pretty long hopefully! At least, long for me... Stay safe :) 3