XVII. Great Expectations

"Well, that was one of the best nights of sleep I've had," my guest remarked, as we had a good a English breakfast, courtesy of the Gosnold's. We lazily slept in, not a care for grooming, getting out of our undergarments, nor to the hour, while we finished breakfast with pints of ale and smokes from our pipes. It was a good day to be men.

"Is that so? I always thought that mattress was too lumpy."

"If you ever choose to be married, and your expectant wife makes sudden demands for peculiar foods at odd hours, or insists ''tis the time,' only for nothing to happen after several hours, you'll be happy whenever you sleep at all."

I laughed with him until I decidedly asked him, "How is it, the anticipation of becoming a father, if you're anticipating it at all?"

"'Tis not an easy transition for me, that's for certain. To be quite honest with you, even at five and twenty years of age, I haven't quite 'settled down' as a husband... ." He got up from the table and began shaving his stubble in the polished side of a pan, before washing up to dress. "The Missus and I have always been two different people. She the more reserved and I the more outgoing. My father had thought by marrying his friend's daughter, who was quite serious, I'd become a more serious, settled young man. Often, however, we can't be in each other's company save to perform our due diligence to provide offspring. And so, whilst she often stays at home or visits her other friends near her parents, I attend my friends' festivities with other ladies, since she despises such events. We were often content to go our separate ways. However, since the Missus has been expecting, I find she has changed. She is resentful of my going out, even when she claims 'tis fine' when I tell her I'm headed out. She is more concerned about who I spend time with and where I go. When she discovered through acquaintances I went to Kenny's with 'her,' and was going to Harry's with 'her' also, she insisted she'd be able to accompany me. On the day, she fell 'ill,' and I heard her jest to one of the maids later on that she 'never intended to go.' No surprise Cate found another escort, though I'm curious to know who he was... ."

"Has she said anything?" I asked nervously, getting myself ready for the day.

"I haven't asked, not that she'd tell me."

"Mary is likely bored at home." I mused. "No wonder she wants to be closer to her mother."

"Perhaps...she was quite determined to go without me that other night... ." He trailed off, before suddenly asking, "Wait, how did you know that?"

"Well, did you not mention you intended to move?" I realized I said too much.

"I only mentioned being against it once, but I don't recall mentioning it to everyone. I wasn't quite certain before, though I suppose I don't have much choice now... . Pray tell, how did you know that?" I didn't know how to answer him. After moments passed, he demanded, "John, how the Bloody Hell did you know that?!"

Why bother anymore? I hesitated. "I know...because I was there whilst you were visiting Cate that night."

"You what?! Why were you—" I didn't need to answer: I could envision him piecing it together in his mind. "Did you—"

"I did. I do apologize, Bart. Perhaps I shouldn't have gone—"

"Bollocks, John! I don't care that you went with her to Harry's, but I don't expect you to have laid with her afterward!"

"You're right, I shouldn't." However, after a short while I suddenly became irritated with him. "Why should it even concern you? Your life will change forever in a little over a fortnight, and you'll have bigger things to think about than who she or I choose to spend the night with—"

He pushed me against a wall. "D— you, John! You don't know my life, nor do you understand the social customs of gentleman. We marry as an agreement, to ensure we keep our place; Often, any pleasure is found elsewhere. What occurs around my marriage is certainly no concern of yours!"

"Indeed, what an ass I am to presume you had any more etiquette and were worth my admiration moreso than the particularly boorish Raleigh and Devereux—gentlemen that are often viewed in high standing for whichever reason. You're probably better off, in your society with your kind of kindred and your social customs I could never belong into, inasmuch much as I try—not that I care to any longer!"

I watched his face turn from rage, to utter shock and perhaps some disappointment. Without a word, he gathered his things, making sure he was presentable. "Goodbye, Smith." He closed the door behind him.

Smith. It was over, indeed. I began thinking to myself. Why was I so upset at him? I couldn't believe how disappointed I was in him, and even myself. I had great expectations of him until recently, but why? He was merely in his twenties, and despite being more mature in some ways than some of his peers, he succumbed to the same societal expectations of those in his class. My parents may have married due to necessity, but they stood by each other even when they disagreed. I suppose he was right. How could I possibly understand being married to someone while pleasure-seeking elsewhere? Perhaps I was better off not marrying at all.

Spring, 1597

"You're not coming?" Kenny asked, regarding me attending the christening for Martha, the Gosnold's new addition.

"Nay. He's better off without me there. At a time such as this, the last thing he needs is reason to revive any bitterness."

"I see," he said solemnly. "I don't care much for children myself, as they seem a bother at times. However, inasmuch as Mary considers me a horrible influence on her husband, I'll gladly present your gift in your stead and send your regards."

"Thank you kindly." I didn't know too much about girls, but I recall my sister getting a quilt after she was born, and had a skilled seamstress make one for Martha.

"How is he?" I went to visit Arch afterward.

"Hard to tell, at times, even for me. He was awfully quiet during the christening. He appears to adore his daughter—seemingly in disbelief at times, but when not with her or his wife, he seemingly spends a fair amount of time brooding. He won't tell me anything... . But what about you?"

"I've managed. I hardly was able to see him before that event, anyhow."

Arch shook his head and tsk'd. "Stubborn men you are, though I suppose I should know you aren't the only ones... ." Arch told me of a time when he entered University. "I was a quiet lad, who managed to befriend a Cambridge alumn, Francis Barrington. I eventually admitted to fancying his sister, shortly after meeting her. Despite warnings of her coquettish nature, and already turning away a few suitors, I overcame my timidness and eventually wooed her. Surprisingly, I became invited to many festivities afterward; something I was unable to do before. Meanwhile, I previously met a student entering his final year, that I decidedly didn't care for, due to his overly carefree and convivial nature; he likewise must have thought of me as prudish and uptight. He was quite popular with the men, and often brought a different lady to these festivities. However, this did not deter him from being amicable with other women. While he didn't pursue her directly after discovering we were together, minor things such as chivalry and dancing became "competitive" between us. As time wore on, she ended our courtship to be with him. In any such matter, I had a difficult first year. This same young man later offered to tutor me, and I accepted not wanting to face expulsion. After spending time with him, I found him easygoing, and he introduced me to other friends. As for 'she,' her brother arranged for her to marry a knight, as he didn't approve of her beau's reputation for philandering, despite him sticking by her."

It was then I realized whom he was referring to... . Who knew? "Bart hasn't changed much has he?"

"I wouldn't say so. He seemed happier then. After marrying, the only times I see him happy is out at sea, with his men, or with 'her.'"

I kept musing. "Cate was your belle...wait, she's married?!"

"She is...or was... .No one quite knows what truly became of her husband. Some say, that after she bore him children, including a son, he went ill; and is supposedly now staying at Bedlam. With her history, 'twould be no wonder he was driven to insanity. Others say, he is deceased."

"Bedlam" was the Bethlehem Mental Hospital. I suppose that's why she was usually, in that part of town, to go there, or visit his gravestone, if he had one. These days, however, I often stayed away that part of town, as I didn't want to run into Cate again, after the repercussions of our actions. But curiosity begot the best of me, as I ventured there again.

"I wanted to apologize for taking advantage... ."

"What made you choose me in the first place?"

"Well, I suppose I took to fancying you, and I grew weary on waiting on a man who wasn't available—not that he wishes to see me anymore, especially after that last visit in which he left payment afterward... ." She caught me hiding a chuckle and added. "I don't find that quite as amusing as you, neither my young son if he were old enough."

"You never struck me as the matronly kind... . "

"Well aren't you the court jester!"

I stopped chuckling. "...And what of his father, presumably your husband?"

She hesitated. "He is dead to me... ." She resumed. "In any such matter, after having considered it, I believe you're too young a lad for me."

After some hesitation, I told her, "I certainly wish you the best for you." I didn't despise her. I had as much pleasure as she did. I suppose she didn't care to admit she was lonely, though I never thought she would be alone for long... .

One the day I was to set sail, I passed by that way to discover she was laughing and walking along with another familiar young man... . Anthony Gosnold?! I could only chuckle and shake my head as I prepared to head towards the dock.