Chapter 30; To North and South
Characters of the Chapter
Arya Stark Junior Grey Warden
Iledia, Agent of the Inquisition, advisor in matters of the arcane in the court of Queen Daenerys
Jaqen H'gar A faceless man
Jon Snow, also known as Aegon Targaryen and Jon Stark, King of the North Kingdom of the Twin Kingdoms
"A Faceless man!? Are you quite insane!?" Iledia exclaimed in the godswood of Winterfell that next morning.
"I believe that is still a topic of heated debate in many circles. But no insanity prompted me to do this if that's what you're asking." Arya countered. "I see you know what he is then. In that case you know he could be a real asset to the mission you're planning." She added, motioning to Jaqen, who was standing on the side, looking at the scene with an expression of mild curiosity.
"She does have a point. She spoke to me of this last night and based on what she said these Faceless Men seem quite formidable. Arya has been trained by them and her skills are certainly nothing to scoff at." Said Jon, also in attendance, while Daenerys was currently with Robb.
"I am aware of them and what they are said to be capable of. Which is why I consider this whole notion of including him utterly idiotic. Even if he is able he is about as far from trustworthy aid I can think of. Not to mention I am extremely alarmed that he is even able to ask. He is not supposed to know of this."
"How did you find out? Who told you?" She demanded of Jaqen.
"We have our methods. Revealing them to her would be no more prudent than for the mage to reveal hers." Jaqen replied.
"Was it you? Did you tell him?" She asked of Arya.
"I told him nothing of the sort. I'm not that foolish. But neither did I bother denying it when he brought it up on its own. There did not seem to be a point seeing as he clearly already knew the truth. I think both of us know there is any number of ways for him to have learned this." Arya replied.
"True." Iledia conceded. "And should I discover what those *ways* are, I fully intend to see to it that they are shut down.
"That is fair. And should it come to that we will resist her efforts when she makes the attempt." Jaqen said. "But there is no need for such talk today. A man is not here to cause trouble to the mage or the causes she fights for. He merely wishes to join the mission, because like it is between her and others, our interests align in this."
Iledia scoffed. "I only have your word of that. And that is precious little indeed."
"Not true. You also have mine." Arya spoke up. "I cannot claim to know him fully. Doubt there is anyone who can. Perhaps ultimately there is nothing left to know, seeing as he is no one. But I do know him better than you, and I believe this is a genuine offer."
"And what is it that you base this on?" Iledia asked.
"It's a hunch, more than anything. And it's what best explains his actions right now." Arya said. "If it was his intention to kill us he would not have revealed himself to me first. He would have struck without warning, so he has the element of surprise and his odds of success are greatest. It is what assassins do after all. The Faceless men more than any other. He can wear any face, so it would be easy for him to do so."
"And if he is after our target, trying to use us to reach it?" Iledia asked.
"He still would not bother to show himself. He would watch you from the sidelines and if necessary assist you from the shadows, so you would have no idea you were helped. And then at a critical moment, once you've done what he need of you, he'd attack you then. More than likely with help from a several of his comrades." Arya said.
"You haven't asked anything that hasn't occurred to me. But I have had time to think of this, and the more I do so the more I'm convinced this is genuine. Still, there is a chance I'm wrong about this, even at this stage. There is risk. But given what he brings to the mission it's a risk I think would be worthwhile. I know their capabilities. I've employed them myself. You could do no better." She concluded.
"If you have the same potential why don't I simply take you on the mission instead? You'd be the safer option." Iledia suggested.
"That might be a good idea. I would agree to that under different circumstances. But I'm going to have to go to deal with the darkspawn, which could prove to be just as important. I can't possibly be in two places at once. But since I can't participate directly, he can be my contribution." Arya said.
"It seems to me that the possibility of betrayal is something we have already accounted for. You did mention working on some kind of safeguard the last time we spoke of this." Jon spoke up.
"That's true. And that could well suffice for him alone. But there is still the risk of more of his ilk being involved." Iledia countered.
"That part of this exists even if he isn't a member of your team. I might be wisest to take the help he is offering and deal with any complications when and if they arise." He said.
Iledia considered, grasping her chin. "He will do as he is told?" She asked of Arya.
"He has given his word of that. And he will agree to restrictions you choose to place on him." Arya replied.
Iledia nodded. "It's still quite a risk. But not one we are not already taking. And I suppose we could use the help."
She turned to Jaqen. "You will get yourself to King's Landing. On your own. Upon arrival you will present yourself to my people, who will keep you under guard until you are needed." She told him coolly.
"Understood." He said simply.
"On your way." She commanded.
Jaqen nodded and left without another word and Iledia turned her eyes back to the King.
"If I might be excused Your Grace, I have my own tasks to attend to. Our shipment will be leaving today and I need to go make myself ready to leave with it." She said, then walked away.
Arya eyes lingered on the mage's retreating back, narrowing. "Jon, where did you say Iledia is from?" She asked when the other woman was out of earshot.
"She says she's from Nevarra. She…" Jon began to say.
"Jon, she's lying to you." She interrupted.
"What? How do you know?" He asked.
"The accent." She said. "As you know, I've been around. Been more than a few Thedosians that have spoken with me. And that… that is not a Nevarran accent."
Jon frowned. "If it's not Nevarran, then what kind of an accent is it?"
"Well, I'm not sure if you're going to believe me, but to my ears she sounds Tevi. I've only heard that accent a handful of times, so I'm not entirely sure of this. But seeing what is going on with them I think this is reason enough to be worried." She said.
"Tevi?" Jon repeated, his expression growing concerned. "Well… she did say she was from a town at the border between Nevarra and Tevinter. Maybe she picked up a Tevi accent in her youth?"
"Maybe, maybe…" Arya contemplated. "Want me to look into this? Check if her story holds?"
"With your new duties would you have the time? Or the means?" Jon said.
"…Maybe not." She pondered. "But I could speak with Sansa about this. She has sources of her own these days and she'd never leave a potential threat to the family uninvestigated."
Jon sighed. "I don't think this is a good time to start being suspicious of each other. She hasn't done any harm to us so far. In fact she has helped us at every turn."
"I know. But when I look at her… she has that same shifty feel about her that Littlefinger had. He helped us as well, but he certainly had his own agenda in all of it. He fully intended to turn on us back then. We just got him first. Are you sure there is nothing like that going on with this one?" She said.
"Well, since you obviously intend to keep looking into this when possible… if you come across something more substantial I'll act on it then. Until then the last thing we need is more enemies." He said.
"Got it. I'll try to be discreet about this so I don't piss her off when I go looking. Always a good policy when dealing with mages. But even if there is something to find I won't get result for a while. Not until I come back from this mission." She said.
"I hope it's nothing more than something she has not bothered to clarify." He said.
"For what it's worth, so do I. Even so, it might be worthwhile to mention this to Daenerys." She said.
Jon considered. "You're probably right. Just in case. Though I'm not going to advise her to do anything about this right now. We'll need more to go on first. Right now we don't even know if there is more to this. Or even if hers really is a Tevinter accent, since you said you aren't entirely certain. Find out the truth, and if there is something that need to be done, we will do it then." He said finally.
"Alright. I guess I should get going. I need to go pack my things."
"Ah, yes. You were leaving today, weren't you?" He asked as they turned to walk back toward the castle.
Arya nodded. "We have to keep moving on. We only really came here to resupply. Well, everyone except me. But I'm coming back. Count on it."
"I am. It's just a shame you couldn't stay longer. But it was good to see you even for a little while. And it was interesting to meet your friends too." He said.
"Dajeah hasn't given you any trouble I hope?" She asked.
"No, unless you count glaring at me and other humans with suspicion. Have we done something wrong?" He said.
"Nah. She's like that with most other humans. Bad experiences on her part. Don't worry about it." She said.
Then she went quiet, wondering something. "Jon… is everything alright between us? For real?"
"Of course. Why would it not be?" He said, frowning.
"Sansa… has been rather quiet since I came back. Withdrawn even. And I remember what she said on my homecoming. About duty to my family. She hasn't said anything directly, but I get the impression she doesn't entirely approve of me joining the Wardens. She does seem to approve that things have worked out for me, but not of what it might mean for the Starks. I think she worries I have replaced my family with the Wardens. You are too kind to ever bring it up on your own, but you are troubled as well. I see it your eyes." She explained.
Somehow Jon guessed Arya wanted the truth. "It was quite a surprise. I never expected that to be a choice you would make. And it's quite obvious your new role comes with new obligations. And loyalties. I think we are just wondering what all of that means. And you were gone for a very long time. I think it's obvious to all of us that those years away changed you quite a bit. What we are trying to figure out now is how much so? And in what ways?"
"So what does it mean? To you?" He asked, the both of them stopping.
Arya sighed, leaning against the wall, trying to think of a way to explain how she felt about this. "There was once a time I had a single family. Now I have two of them. The family I have in the Wardens is as important to me as the one I was born into. But as I see it there does not need to be conflict between these. I don't want there to be. The work I do as a Warden is as much to the benefit of our family as to everyone else. I know it can be hard to see from the outside, but if you knew what darkspawn were like you would agree wholeheartedly. The less of them in the world the better for everyone. That's what I tell myself at any rate."
He nodded slowly.
Arya went even quieter at that. Jon could see she was wrangling with herself over something.
"I have done a disservice to our family though. There is a decree of truth about what she doubts me of. I'm forced to admit that much. When I went to Thedas… I had no plans to return. In fact I meant not to. Like I said earlier, I was running away… and a part of me took matters too far. I had stopped being Arya Stark and had become just Arya. Westeros, all of you, everything that had happened to us… I had cast it all aside, convinced myself it was part of a life I didn't live any longer. That it didn't matter anymore." She confessed.
She scoffed. "And to think I once tried to lecture about remembering your family. Turns out I have no right to criticize."
Such a sudden admission caught Jon by surprise. He did not say anything immediately. "…But earlier you said you wanted to return when you heard we were under attack?" He then asked.
"Yes. When I heard about the Orlesian invasion… it brought it all back. Reminded me of how much you mattered to me, how painful it would be to lose you to them. I'm glad that could still move me. I'm glad I wasn't selfish enough to let you all go forever. But ever since… I mentioned earlier I didn't want to have a conflict between being a Warden and being a Stark. Unfortunately… there already is. Lately I've been feeling like I'm being torn in two. I wanted to help you. I still do. Even if you never believe anything else I say, believe that much. But I also want to stay true to my oaths as a Warden, because I do take them seriously. And those oaths say we aren't to fight in wars like that. I am proud to be one of them, and I always will. But I made the choice to become one while I was being someone else, not recognizing how dear the loyalties of the past still were to me. So… now I'm stuck. Stuck between what I want to do, between who I want to be. No matter what I choose to do I'm doomed to get it wrong, to do a disservice to people I care about. I can't decide if I'm more Arya Stark of Winterfell or Arya the Grey Warden, and the inability to do so is driving me crazy. I don't know what I need to do."
"It was very wrong that I forgot about you, even if it was only for a time. I see that now. I hope you and Sansa will be able to forgive me. But I'll understand if you won't. Gods know, I haven't forgiven myself. I'm… so sorry…I… " She said, casting her eyes down.
Jon had his usual contemplative frown, deep in thought, mulling over what she had admitted to. She remained silent. She expected her admission to upset him, to make him angry. He had been understanding of her choices earlier. But that was when he didn't know just how far she had gone. She expected no sympathy now. Hells, an earlier version of her might not have given any had Jon ever admitted to something like this. Family was the lynchpin that defined every house in Westeros. The one thing that they all had in common. Even Houses that held to no other values or loyalties still valued family. That was a notion that had existed long before Aegon the Conqueror's idea of a unified continent or the numerous squabbling kingdoms that had existed before that. She strongly suspected that was still the rule of the day in the new Twin Kingdoms. One did not cast aside such an ancient tradition without repercussions.
"You didn't forget us. That was only what you told yourself. Some part of you knew the truth all along. If you had forgotten us the war in Orlais wouldn't have meant anything to you. These current wars wouldn't either. And hells, you probably wouldn't have bothered to voice your concerns about Iledia either. Then telling me this wouldn't hurt you as much as it did." Jon finally broke the silence.
"You had things to figure out, and so you needed to live for yourself for a little. You figured you had the luxury to do it, since you knew our family was not in danger any longer. But when you heard there was danger again your first instinct was to return to defend us. And return you did. Everything I see here tells me you still care. In the end that's all that matters. It's all that should matter." He added.
Arya lifted her eyes up to look into his, barely believing what she was hearing. He was forgiving her, even after all that. Even after what she had admitted to. She had blamed herself ever since the invasion, wondering if she even had any right to appear before her family again. She had been so worried her family would cast her out just after she had realized they still meant something to her after all. The feeling of relief on hearing that she was forgiven… there were no words.
Yet it also felt like she should have known better. Jon and she had always been close. They were the two among the Stark family that never quite fit in and thus had found they had a lot in common. The bastard son of her father, and the rebellious daughter that would not conform. Both a bit outcast by the rules of their homeland, alone even in a crowd, except with each other. Even when the truth of his birth had come known, that he technically wasn't his brother at all, nothing had changed between them. He was the brother she chose. Blood and technicalities did not matter in the face of that. She knew he felt the same. If there was anyone who could understand and forgive, it was him.
For a moment she was too overwhelmed by emotions to even react. Then she darted forward and embraced him tightly. Jon smiled and returned the embrace.
"Thank you, Jon. Thank you so much. Even if I lived to be a thousand years old I'd never do enough to deserve a brother like you." She said.
"Oh Arya. I told you before, there won't ever be a state of the world where you would not be welcome with us. Whatever choices you make, no matter how you change, you will always be our sister, as long as you choose to be that." He replied.
He released her. "As to how to decide between being Warden and a Stark… I can't give you a direct answer how to solve it. I wish I could. I know what you are going through. I have had to face that problem many times, and it's never an easy one. The choice to remain a Brother of the Night's Watch and leave my family to its fate was one of the hardest choices I ever made. Hearing news of the war to the South made me feel torn in two more than once, compelled by duty to the Watch and duty to the Starks. I had to choose between Ygritte and the Watch, knowing there was no choice I could make that I would not regret. When you and Sansa were in conflict with Daenerys I was worried I might have to choose again, though that time fate was kind enough to spare me."
"Doesn't always have to come down to picking the lesser of two evils, though. Sometimes there is another way. Theon in his time also had a hard time figuring out if he was a Stark or Greyjoy. He called it an impossible choice. When we spoke of it I told him he was Stark and Greyjoy both. That he didn't have to choose. He was both, and in the end he was able to find a balance between the two." He added.
"Are you saying that's what I should seek to do?" Arya asked.
"Maybe. Could be. It helped him at the time. It helped me when I was trying to come to terms with being part Targaryen. But I can't say for sure that's the right answer for you. The answer is different for everyone who needs to ask that question. You'll need to find yours. But I can tell you the problem is solvable, even if it might not seem to." Jon said.
She nodded her understanding. "That does sound like the best way to approach this. If there is any way to make this work like that, I will. Thank you for listening, and understanding."
"If you don't mind… please don't tell Sansa we had this conversation. You trust me, and that allowed you to forgive. She is more suspicious by nature, which has served all of us well. But that means I'll need to work to regain her trust. I need more time to do that. Until then I'd rather she not know the extent of this." She added.
Jon thought she might be a bit overcautious about this. Sansa was her sister after all. But he could see she was still worried about this, so he decided he could let her handle this in her own way. He owed her that much. "I promise it. She won't hear it from me."
"I'll… sort this out for myself. Somehow. Thanks again for listening, and understanding. It means a lot. You've no idea." She said.
"Anytime. Believe it." Jon said with conviction.
"For now, we still have things to, both of us. We should get on it. If there are other things to speak about, let's focus on lighter stuff for now, alright? We can return to the other matters later, when I return, if there is need." She said.
"There is one thing I have been wondering about the Grey Wardens." Jon said as their trek resumed. "Don't worry, I think it's a subject you're allowed to talk about. I was just wondering why is your order called the Grey Wardens. What's the thinking behind the name?
Arya stopped herself from giving a dry smile. So much for keeping to light subjects. Of course, Jon was doing his best to do what she had asked. From the outside that question looked innocent enough. But in asking it he inevitably touched on other subjects, about what Wardens were, the sacrifices required to become one. Of course she could not tell him of that, so she needed to think of some other way to explain.
"Wardens fight for good, for people everywhere. But our work take us on some of the worst places on this Earth. Dark, evil places. Do that enough and a portion of the darkness becomes part of you, staying with you for the rest of your days. That reality is what we are named for." She told him.
Jon appeared to realize he had managed to touch another grim subject. "You Wardens really are a somber lot, aren't you?"
Arya chuckled. "We can be, it's true. But it's not deadly serious all the time. Not even for us."
The expedition was gathered to Winterfell's courtyard within the hour. While the northern soldiers and their Inquisition support were making ready to leave Iledia found Kieran strapping boards of some kind to his feet.
"Uh, Kieran, what are those?" She asked.
"Skis. A local invention. You haven't seen them before?" He said.
"No… what are they for?" She asked, eyeing them with interest.
"They help the northerners traverse their lands a lot more quickly during wintertime. They'll help us get to King's Landing a lot sooner." He explained.
"We can't just ride there?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Not a good idea." He said. "Snows can pile really deep here. Up to our thighs. If we go on foot or on horses we will be slowed to a crawl. But ski's spread a person's weight over a bigger area, meaning we won't sink as deep."
"Everyone will be using these. Here, I reserved you a pair." He added, tossing a set of skis to her.
"Um…. Thanks." She said. Then she looked at them uncertainly. "Uh… how do I…?"
"Oh, yeah, here." Kieran said and went to help her put them on.
"Those two seem to get along well." Arya commented, watching the scene.
"Indeed. I gather they knew each other before coming to Westeros." Jon said. "That's actually an encouraging sign for what we talked about earlier. Because while I don't know her well enough, I do trust Kieran. If he trusts her, I would take that as a sign that I should as well."
"Perhaps so. If we assume he knows the truth of what she's hiding and chooses to trust her anyway. But he could be just as much in the dark as we are at the moment. I would still like to make my own conclusions about this, if you don't mind." Arya said.
"I would have it no other way. And a good thing I approve too, because I know you will do your own thing regardless of my opinion." Jon said, and they both chuckled at his quip.
"By the way, thanks for getting us skis as well. And for the other supplies. And for agreeing to take care of our horses while we are elsewhere." She said.
"Of course. You and the other Wardens have a job to do. You need the resources to do it. And the way the Thedosians keep talking about these darkspawn creatures… it sounds like a threat we will want to have done away with." He said.
"You do. You absolutely do." She said, her face deadly serious. "And we are very grateful for you helping us see it through. Not all would. Not even the one's in Thedas."
"When you get to Castle Black, do say hello to Sam and Gilly for me would you?" He said then.
Arya looked surprised. "Wait… those two are still there? That certainly explains why I haven't seen any sign of them."
"Yes, they're still both there. Despite the pardon he was given, Sam didn't exactly feel comfortable staying in the South while Dany rules. He may not have cared for his father much, but he did love his brother. The manner of his death was a hurt he would have been constantly reminded of in the South, which he did not want. So he came here as soon as his studies were finished." Jon explained.
"I would still have thought they would stay here at Winterfell, rather than going all the way to the Wall." Arya said.
"Given how often they visit it sometimes does feel like they're living here. They've spent as much time within these walls as is remotely decent. In fact if we checked we might find they've been here more than than at Castle Black." Jon said with a chuckle. "Probably because their children are here. You may have seen them with Robb. They have been fostered here for a couple years now and only sent away briefly when the Orlesians were coming here. I suppose even with the Inquisition running things and keeping the worst elements of the Watch in check, they didn't feel that the Wall was any place to raise a family."
"As to why they remain at the Wall at all… I suppose Sam still feels some duty towards the Watch. I offered Sam a position here but he said he doesn't want to steal Maester Wolkan's spot. Plus Gilly is from north of the Wall, so likely she prefers to be close by now that there is no longer danger from the White Walkers. And naturally wherever he goes, she goes too." He added.
Arya nodded. "I'll pass on your regards. And I'll tell them to head back here at the first opportunity."
"You think that necessary?" Jon asked, frowning.
"Only if we can't keep the darkspawn north of the Wall. But we can't be sure that we will be able to hold them. Not with an enemy like this. And seeing as we are talking about your friend and his family I'd feel a lot more comfortable if this precaution was taken. Just in case. Sam has fought when he needs to, but he is no warrior. He won't be remotely valuable enough in a fight to justify him staying if it comes to that. And Gilly… there is even less reason to put her in harm's way." She said.
"Understood. We'll welcome them with open arms should they come here. Though I'd much rather you keep this problem north of the Wall. Or gone altogether." He said.
"Of course. So do we all. We will do all we can to make sure it will be so." She said.
"Farewell Arya. And good luck. Be safe." He said.
"Yeah. You too." Arya said, then went to her fellow Wardens.
While this was going on, Daenerys had entered the courtyard, saying her goodbyes to Iledia. After that, two groups of people departed from Winterfell, one heading north, another south. Both on a mission of importance, determined to see it through.
Sometime after they had left Jon had a brief conversation with Daenerys. He expression became concerned, glancing in the direction lledia had gone. But soon after their conversation was done she shook it off. Half-baked conspiracy theories of the woman she was starting to trust and like more every day? Most likely nothing would come of it. Maybe Iledia did have Tevinter accent, but there already existed a plausible explanation for that. It did not have to mean anything more than that. Unless something more came to light she had enough on her plate without starting to worry about this as well.