Chapter 41; Boat Conversations
Characters of the chapter
Iledia Agent of the Inquisition, mage advisor in matters of the arcane in the court of Queen Daenerys
Lyanna Mormont, Lady of Bear Island
Ser Caleb Threestones, Knight of Westeros,Second to Lyanna Mormont
Tallis Ben Hassrath operative
The Iron Bull Leader of the Bull's Chargers mercenary group, former Ben Hassrath operative, Agent of the Inquisition
Siren's call II slid quietly through the night, carried by the winds. For many days it had been on its way to its destination in Essos. Isabela had asked the team being transported to help her crew out by standing watch during the night. In the process of performing those duties Iledia found herself paired with possibly the most inconvenient person possible.
"How did I end up sharing a watch with you?" Tallis said as she stepped onto the deck, glaring at the mage.
"We all drew straws if you recall. Ones that Lyanna was holding. So either this is pure chance or she's behind this. If the latter then I'm sure she is very amused right about now." Iledia replied dryly, keeping her attention fixed on the expanse of water.
"Aye, it was Lyanna. But for all I know you told her to make sure this happened. If this was some fucked up idea of yours…" The elf warned.
"What interest could I possibly have to arrange something like that? Do you for a second imagine I want to do this any more than you do?" Iledia said, rolling her eyes though she still didn't turn to face the other woman.
"I haven't a clue what you might be interested in, or what you might arrange. I don't want to know." Tallis sneered.
"Well, we will be stuck here for a couple hours. Nothing to be done about that. But don't talk to me. We'll both be better for it." She said then and walked to the other side of the ship, sitting down there. Iledia gave a slight shake of her head, shrugged and continued to stare into the darkness. For half an hour total silence reigned between them. All the while Iledia was aware of the elf's eyes drilling holes into the back of her skull.
"I know I wasn't supposed to speak…" The mage finally broke the silence, turning to Tallis.
"I still don't want you to." Tallis cut in.
"… but I just have to ask: What's with the death stares?" Iledia asked, ignoring the interruption.
"You know damn well what! You experimented on me!" Tallis snarled.
"So that's what this is about? Might've guessed." Iledia said.
"I needed to know that the spell remained stable over an extended period of time. You were a perfect subject for the test. Either you were going to join the mission, so you would be subjected to the spell later on in any case. Or you were going to refuse, in which case you were dead whether or not the spell worked as intended." Iledia then explained nonchalantly.
Tallis could hardly believe her ears. "So you just admit it like it was nothing? You don't even care do you?"
"What? Were you expecting a denial? Perhaps an apology?" Iledia asked, raising an eyebrow. "I did as I believed was necessary. The rest is fair game in our line of work as you well know, Ben Hassrath. I have no doubt that if your people captured me they would take full advantage of it and not give two shits about what I thought about any of it.
"You had no right! I am not some animal for you to run tests on!" Tallis continued to protest.
"Right?" Iledia repeated with a dry laugh. "When has *Right* ever entered into it? Both our sides do anything they can, because they think they must. In the shadow wars we are part of only survival and victory matters. Everything else is immaterial. And who would you have had me test the spell on if not you, Ben Hassrath? Some poor sod that has nothing to do with any of this? That would have been better? Certainly it would not be those I already knew for sure were going to contribute directly to the mission. Risking them before the mission had even begun was simply unacceptable."
"Cold-hearted bitch." Tallis hissed. "One day I will pay you back for what you did. Count on it." She added with quiet menace.
"You want vengeance? Fear not, in time you will get you chance to claim it. After this mission is done you are free to do as you like. That includes coming after me. And then one or both of us are going to end up dead. A tragic waste in any case." Iledia said, finally starting to rise to the challenge the other woman was making.
"And if you don't want to wait that long you can try to take your vengeance right now." She added. "Of course if you try that I will respond in kind. I've killed members of your order before, so be certain that I can. And of course even if you do manage to kill me it's doubtful the rest of our team will look kindly on that. You might follow me to death right at my heels. If that does not bother you, then by all means make your attempt, Ben Hassrath."
Tallis narrowed her eyes at the mage, contemplating on doing what the mage had suggested. Her hands moved a fraction towards her weapons. But then she looked away and crossed her arms, sulking.
"No? Didn't think so. You have more self-restrain than that, Ben Hassrath." Iledia said with a smirk.
"I have a name!" Tallis rounded on the other woman, pointing a finger on her, irked by the mage's apparent refusal to acknowledge her as an individual.
"No you don't. You have a job description. And I suppose you have a sequence of numbers, but damned if I know what it is. If your masters don't respect your individuality, why should I do that? You don't get to be angry about that, because you chose it to be so." Iledia countered.
"It is hard for me to fathom, it truly is. In your youth you were released from slavery. You had your freedom. You had the potential to become who you want to be instead what others tell you to be. And what do you do? You just walk straight back into another form of slavery under the Qun. For what? Some misguided sense of gratitude? Damned if you aren't the stupidest thing that ever lived." She continued with a disdainful tone.
"I'm not a slave to anyone. I chose what I am. And don't you forget it." Tallis said.
"True, no one will buy or sell you, and you wear no chains. But you aren't free either. I'd tell you not to delude yourself otherwise, but somehow I don't think that necessary. You know." Iledia said.
"The Qunari saved me. And I chose to serve after that. They gave me purpose and direction when I was lost and confused. They gave me everything I have, including my skills." Tallis said.
"And have you given the slightest thought what they would have done to you if you hadn't agreed to be *saved* by them? Maybe ask Lyanna what they did to her people. Be careful though. Give her excuses about how her people were given purpose and direction and she is liable to hit you." Iledia said.
"Don't talk about the Qun as if you know it." Tallis said.
"But I do. They have been enemies of my people for a long time. They say one of the best ways to understand someone is to fight them, make them angry. That's when you see the real person. And that is something I have certainly done to the Qunari many times. They like to talk a great deal about how glorious and superior their Qun is. But the people whose minds the Qunari have broken, the Viddath-bas, that is the true face of the Qun. Mindless, but effective. That's what they want everyone to be like. The Qunari don't want to be a nation, but a beehive, each member with a role in serving the whole. Individuality among the followers of the Qun is tolerated, barely, because there is little choice. Because the people of this world are not bees. We are people, and our individuality cannot be destroyed without destroying our minds with it. The best they can do is drive it to the margins, so it is irrelevant."
"And I suppose your nation is perfect and without fault? A perfect example of how people should live." Tallis asked with a sneer.
Eyes widening briefly, Iledia looked around herself to see if anyone was listening in. Then, reassured that they had not been overheard, she calmed, then smiled. "No. Anything but. My country has many faults, many things we have done wrong and continue to do wrong."
"Wait. You… you actually admit that?" Tallis said, caught off guard.
"Of course I do. I wish to fix each and every one of those faults. To make her that perfect example she is not now. How could I hope to do that if I don't acknowledge that the flaws exist?" Iledia said.
Tallis did not know how to respond to that. Whatever she had expected, this was not it.
"I am glad that you can acknowledge your nation's deficiencies as well." Iledia suddenly added with a sly smile.
"What are you talking about? I never said anything of that." Tallis protested.
"You countered my accusations by pointing out that my country is not perfect either. Which is true, but in so doing you unavoidably acknowledge the faults of your own country. And I while you probably don't agree with everything I said, note you didn't specifically deny my accusations. So… yes you did, even if inadvertently." Iledia said.
"More than that I can see it in your eyes. You've struggled haven't you? You believe their way to be wise, a way to inner peace. Time and again you've sought to reach that state of mind. But always you've failed." She added with surprising compassion.
"Stop talking." Tallis said with surprising sharpness, and Iledia knew she had managed to hit a sensitive spot.
"Do you want to know why? Because somewhere deep down you know they're asking for something you cannot give. In your heart you know what they're asking you to be isn't natural. You're too full of life. You're too attached to the things that make you what you are and cannot give them up, no matter how much you might wish to. You've tasted life outside the Qun and nothing tastes quite as sweet, even if you tell yourself otherwise. You were chained once. Now your heart won't let them chain your mind, no matter how many times your head tells you that doing so is a path to wisdom." Iledia continued talking.
"Stop. Talking. About me. And stop talking about the Qunari!" Tallis said more forcefully, taking a threatening step towards the mage for emphasis, fists clenched in anger. Then she crossed her arms again and walked away to the other side of the ship. Iledia gave a slight smile but dropped the issue, returning to observing the horizon. Again silence reigned between them.
In that silence Tallis continued to brood, seething internally. To be stuck here on watch with this… enemy. Iledia's callous attitude over her actions was certainly making Tallis more irked. And she was bothered by the Tevinter's ability to read her like an open book. And yet… the other woman's responses had been strange. The mage had grown irritated during the conversation, sure. But there had been little malice. The Tevinter woman seemed disinterested in confrontation until provoked. And Iledia's criticism seemed primarily directed against Tallis's subservience to the Qun, not at her herself. And there had been moments that the other woman had seemed... sympathetic even?
One detail in particular in their exchange bothered Tallis, gnawing at her as the silence dragged on.
"You said that *one or both of us ending up dead would be a tragic waste in any case*. So my death would be unfortunate to you? Or was that just a slip of the tongue?" Tallis suddenly spoke, genuinely puzzled.
Iledia looked briefly surprised that the elf had taken the initiative and had chosen to resume the discussion. "As a matter of fact it was not. I don't wish you dead. I have my issues with the Qun, and as you are an adherent I may be driven to argue with you, even fight you. But at the end of the day you are not the Qun, merely a product of it. If it comes to blows I will do whatever I need to do, but I don't particularly hate you personally. Only the cause you fight for, though a Qunari might not see a meaningful distinction. What I did to you, what I might have done to you, it was motivated not by cruelty or spite, but by simple necessity, as always. Fighting you, killing you… it would be no different. Done because it was required by circumstance. You could say that your life is in your hands." She then explained.
"So in other words you don't care about that either. Geez, I'm starting to wonder if there is anything you do care about." Tallis said.
"Oh, there are many, many things. More than you will ever know. But if I seem a bit jaded, I assure it is not without reason. Fighting for all those things I care about takes its toll. I've spent most of my adult life at war. An invisible war fought in the shadows. A war with no battles… no monuments… only casualties. Casualties, of the flesh, casualties of the mind… casualties of the soul. And it's often a thankless task. There have been threats to my people that no one ever heard about, because I and the ones in my service put an end to them. I've watched good people die, my friends even, knowing that no one will ever sings songs of their deeds, their quiet valor. Only their comrades will know their names, or their deeds." Iledia said quietly.
"Do… do you ever doubt whether the cause you fight for is deserving of all that?" Tallis asked, caught in Iledia's mood of reflection without even noticing. Her tone wasn't accusing, but a question that told Iledia that the elf had at times been less than certain of this in the pursuit of her cause.
"… Sometimes." The mage admitted. "Sometimes it seems my goals are so far beyond my reach I wonder if I will ever be able to realize my dreams. And sometimes I see the things my people have done and wonder if they deserve my protection at all. But then I always find my resolve again. I've long since decided that this is worth it. My people are worth it. There is so much good that I can do, all of which will be lost if I give up. So much that could be better."
"I can understand those sentiments. This war you speak of… it's a war I've fought as well. Though on the opposite side." Tallis contemplated.
"Yes. Yes indeed. Our sides, our roles, these are different. But our war is one. This one thing we at least have in common." Iledia said.
"So the one thing you find we have in common is that we are enemies to each other?" Tallis asked.
"That we understand what it is to fight for a cause. To fight for something greater than ourselves. To fall in love with ideals, with dreams of something better, and to give everything for those ideals. To live a life with purpose and meaning." Iledia said.
"I don't know about you, but to me that shared aspect between us is a most remarkable thing. Circumstances have made us hold different views and fight on opposite sides. But if that were not the case…? Who knows what might be possible." She said.
Tallis was about to voice her agreement again before she caught herself, now realizing what had been happening. Not long ago they had been bickering, almost ready to kill each other. And for Tallis at least there had been cause. The Tevinter had callously put her life at risk and had threatened to sunder her mind to keep her secrets. And on a broader scale she belonged to a people that Tallis had every reason to hate. From personal experience she knew exactly what the Tevinters were capable of. Yet a single relatively innocent inquiry had brought new revelations into the light, ones that had completely altered the nature of their conversation. Here they were, two soldiers fighting in opposing armies, very much loyal to their nations and the ideals they upheld. One conversation had not changed these truths. Could not. And yet this enemy of the Qunari had somehow intrigued her, made her curious, enough for them to converse without arguing. In the process they had managed to come to the verge of establishing a connection over their shared experiences over the war itself, without even noticing they were doing so.
To Tallis the very notion that the two of them could have any common ground at all was highly disturbing. What kind of trickery had Iledia employed to achieve this result? Had she worked some spell? No, that did not seem right. Tallis would have sensed it had an attempt at such would have been made. Was Iledia such an expert manipulator then that she could win over even a member of the Ben Hassrath in the course of a single conversation? There could be no way they actually had a genuine moment of connection… could there? And yet… some of the things she had said about fighting a thankless war in the shadows for the sake of the greater good had rung so true, so familiar…
"Just… just don't talk to me." Tallis said halfheartedly and moved away for the final time, unwilling to entertain these uncomfortable thoughts any further. The remainder of their watch passed in silence. Eventually Iron Bull showed up for his watch with Varric. As soon as he appeared Tallis left, refusing to greet or even look upon the former Ben Hassrath. Iledia lingered on the deck for a moment and Iron Bull went to talk to her.
"I see you two managed to get through your guard shift without murdering each other." He said.
"Indeed. I call that progress. We also managed to strike up a conversation, which led to… interesting places. I can't say for sure but I think we may have even connected briefly. Can't say I was expecting that to happen." Iledia replied with a smile. "But she is still very irate, seemingly looking confrontation at every opportunity. I suppose I don't blame her, seeing as she was captured, then roped into a suicide mission to win back her freedom. And of course I did use her to test my spell, which she herself has rightfully pointed out. She has a right to feel that way. But if her behavior continues it could compromise the integrity of the mission. Her attitude ought to be dealt with." She added more seriously.
"Maybe you could talk to her? You probably would have a better chance to make her understand than anyone else here. You at least used to follow the Qun. You could impress upon her that she need to set her feelings aside for the sake of the mission and the things she fights for." She suggested.
"Might actually do more harm than good. You saw how she reacted to me just now. Like you said, I used to follow the Qun. Now I'm Tal Vasoth. To her I'm a traitor, something that is a direct opposition of everything the Qun stands for. Even a living insult, since I left willingly and have been working as a mercenary since." He explained.
"I see your point. Bad idea." She said. Privately she wondered if there might be more to Tallis's dislike of Iron Bull than the reasons he had stated. Iron Bull represented temptation. Long ago Iledia had come to realize that that the Qun discouraged abandoning their philosophy by characterizing the choice as choosing between order and disorder. To them to abandon the Qun was to abandon one's preordained place in society, thus rejecting one's true self. In the eyes of the Qunari to reject the Qun was to revert to an animalistic form fundamentally opposed to civilization, even order itself. Many Tal Vasoth admittedly did become that, so ingrained in the thinking of the Qun they saw that as the only alternative.
In choosing the Inquisition Iron Bull had proven that the choice did not need to be binary. One could substitute the order of the Qun with another order and so remain a civilized, sane individual. One could even choose to keep the appealing aspects of the Qun and throw away the rest. He was proof that it could be done. In that he was a living, breathing temptation to someone like Tallis, and potentially one of the most dangerous defectors the Qunari had ever faced. But none of this was what she said to Iron Bull.
"Tallis and I dislike each other and she doesn't much care for you either. Because of what has happened to her homeland Lyanna doesn't like Tallis and potentially not you either. Jaqen is just creepy and no one knows if he can be trusted. I'm sure you and Varric have some reservations about me, knowing what you know, even if you are too polite to mention them to my face. Even the positive relations bring complications. If Lyanna has to choose between the mission and her boyfriend I have to wonder which she would choose." She instead said aloud.
"Varric and I consider your past to be old news, so don't worry about it. Plus Meera seems not to have any issues with anyone." Iron Bull commented.
"True, but on its own it is hardly enough to change the final analysis. We have barely started this and our team is tearing itself apart over our rivalries. What was I even thinking when I called us together?" Iledia said.
"Probably that you needed the best and the brightest and that you needed to involve different interest groups so we can keep each other in check. Wouldn't worry too much over that. Odd groups of adventurers have achieved impressive things before. The Hero of Ferelden, Hawke's group, even the Inquisitor's inner circle." He said.
"Are we really fit to compare ourselves to such mighty examples?" She said, sounding amused.
"Varric and I were actually part of some of those examples. So… yeah?" He said.
She gave a short laugh. "I suppose you're right. If we can work together when it counts I suppose there is no issue. I just hope we will be able to do that."
"Is that why you had… these put on?" He asked, lifting is arm, the green light on his wrist glowing.
Iledia's expression became sad. "I wish they weren't necessary. Hopefully they won't be. But I had to remove even the possibility of backstabbing. For the most part we don't know each other, let alone trust one another. Until we do there must be other means to enforce loyalty to the mission. This is too important to take risks."
"I get it. Don't like it and never have liked magic crap, but I get it." He said.
"I don't much like it either. I despise shackles in all their forms." She said.
"Good to know. Not for everyone I guess." Bull commented, a mischievous glint in his eye. That earned a slightly amused headshake from Iledia. She had heard rumors of Iron Bull's… tastes, of course. This comment seemed to validate them. No matter. She was not judgmental about such things. And he had clearly taken her actual meaning, even though he chose to joke about it.
"And I dislike putting my life in the hands of people I don't trust with it." She continued. "But I would remind all of you all that despite my personal dislike for this measure I willingly subjected myself to it like the rest of you. Furthermore I would remind you that all of you had a choice. Duty made the choice obvious for most of you, and for Tallis it was also about survival. But I had your consent."
"I know, I know. I think most of the rest get it too." He said.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to get so worked up over it. I guess I've gotten so used to standing my ground that I turn on my defenses at the first provocation. Force of habit. There have been so many bad choices in my past I've had to justify…." She said after a pause.
"Speaking of which…" He said, lowering his voice, looking around if anyone was listening, which prompted Iledia to do the same. "Which others here know the truth about you? Been meaning to ask that for a while, but there has not been a good time. I ought to know so I don't blurt out anything to the wrong people."
"Truthfully I'd prefer if you did not discuss that topic with anyone. The more that is conversed the more risk of it getting away from us. Control over that secret should remain with me." She said.
"But since you asked… aside from you and Varric I think Tallis is the only one that has any clue. She guessed my nationality when we first met, but even she doesn't know the rest. I think I've made adequately sure she won't be telling what she knows to anyone else." She then explained.
Iron Bull gave a huff of unease, no doubt imagining the methods Iledia had applied to intimidate the elf into silence.
"Jaqen… I've no idea what he does or does not know. I can't read his reactions at all." She continued.
"Truth to be told I can't either. That's… kinda disturbing actually. Ben Hassrath are trained to notice even the smallest facial and body language. But it's like he doesn't have any of those tells. You can't get anything out of him he doesn't want you to see." He said.
"That. Exactly that. I've never seen anyone that can hide his cues so well." She said in agreement.
"But as for who knows the truth of me back in Westeros… Lord Brandon Stark knows. Kieran of course knows, since we have worked together. Arya Stark… I believe she suspects something. But I have no idea how close she might be to actually guessing the truth.
"Wait, Arya? A merc? A small lass that hits way too hard for someone of her weight? Has a sword called needle?" Bull asked.
"Yes. I think that's the one. You know her?" She asked.
"She happened to do a few jobs with us Chargers. Never said she was from Westeros, but I figured her out quickly enought. Surprised she went home though."
"Well, she did. Only now she's a Grey Warden. And she's related to the King's family as well. I bet that part you didn't know." Iledia said.
"In any case. Those are all I believe to know it, or suspect it." She finished.
"So neither of the Royals know?" He asked.
"No. And I intend to keep it that way for now." She said firmly.
"Far be it from me to tell you what to do, but I don't think it's a good idea to keep the truth from them. When Rydeon and I first met I told him who I was and who I worked for straightaway. Because I knew the Inquisition could figure it out on their own eventually, and that it would be far worse if they found that I had been lying to them. Better that they learn it from me before that could happen." He said.
"You aren't the first to give me that advice. And I appreciate your concern. But I am not you. And the risk I face is not the same as yours either. Plus there is too much going on now for me to add a complication like this. Certainly I won't be able to do so while I'm on this mission. Perhaps another time."
"That's one way of saying. *I'm not going to change a thing and want to get out of this conversation." He said.
Iledia merely frowned and departed without another word.
The shift between Iron Bull and Varric passed relatively quietly, the two trading quips and stories of earlier exploits both during the Breach War and the eight years before they had met once again. The watch shared by Jaqen and Meera by contrast was one of awkward silence, with Meera uneasy with her assigned partner and Jaqen quiet and unreadable as ever. But nothing of significance happened during their watch either. Finally only the watch between Lyanna and Caled remained for the night.
"Fancy that we ended up sharing a watch. I'd call that a strike of good fortune." Caleb commented.
"Nothing to do with luck. I made sure this happened." She replied, a slight smile on her lips.
"Seriously? What of the other pairings?" He asked.
"Got nothing to do with those as it turns out. Only tampered enough to make sure we ended on the last watch of the night together. Though I suppose in the course of ensuring that I may have inadvertently caused the rest of it too." She said.
"Good thing it was only inadvertently. I saw the look on Tallis and Iledia when they realized they were going to share watch duties. I don't think they would have taken it kindly if you had caused that deliberately." He said.
Lyanna gave a short laugh. "Yeah, that was quite the sight. One to remember. But I was merely after a chance for us to talk in private, to settle matters between us. Not going to have many chances to do that while on this mission."
"And because you prefer to have an uninterrupted sleep you prefer to pick either the first or last watch whenever there is need to stand guard at night." He added to the statement.
"You know me well." She said.
"I ought to." He said.
"True, uninterrupted sleep was a motivator too. Won't be pulling this stunt again because of that though. Next time we draw straws it will be fair. Wouldn't be fair towards the others. They deserve proper sleep too, and we have enough issues with the others without antagonizing anyone by fooling around with our chores." She said.
"I'm glad to hear it. This mission is going to be tough enough as it is." He said.
She chuckled. "No kidding. Here we are, heading into enemy territory to destroy some crazy powerful magic thing, about to face who knows what kind of challenges and dangers. And with an order of *Get the job done, even if it kills you* no less." She said with her most overdramatic storyteller's voice.
"You know, this is my first time in Essos." She added.
"Same for me. And I think for everyone else here, excluding Jaqen." He said.
"Not the way I wanted to see the continent that's for sure. I would have preferred an excursion with more sightseeing, less sneaking around and potential murder." She said. Then she sighed. "Should we be doing this Caleb?"
"I mean, I get that this is important. But we had to leave our people behind to go on this mission." She then explained.
"King's orders. And if Iledia is to be believed letting the Tevi's keep control of their magic artefact that's the end for all of us, including our people. We're doing this as much for them as for everyone else." He said.
"I know. You're right of course. And I'm not in the habit of disobeying my King's command." She said.
There was a momentary pause. "You… you're not angry with me are you Lyanna? For me coming on this mission against your wishes?" He asked hesitantly.
Lyanna did not answer at once. "Angry? …No. I suppose I'm not. I was upset when you did it, mind you. And I disliked that you went above me to do it. But I'm not angry. I know your reasons, and I appreciate the sentiment. If our positions were reversed I might have tried something similar. And with both of us having gone through so much together… maybe I should have known better."
"Still, it might have been better if you had stayed. I may have not said aloud all my reasons to order that earlier, but the reasons I did state were no less true. If this were just about the two of us I would only be glad of you company. But there is more at stake. We have a responsibility toward our people. We could both die on this mission. If we do…" She added.
"We aren't going to die here." Caleb interjected with conviction.
"Come on, you know better. Just because you wish that weren't the case doesn't make it true. If we do die, then who is going to look after our people?"
"The Maester can take care of them for a while. And the King has promised to keep them safe and out of the fighting."
"He has. And I do trust him. But in the end he's only a man. What if he can't protect them? What if the darkspawn prove too much for him? Or what if the Qunari come back afterwards, when they are weak and defeat them? If comes to that the Maester is not a fighter. He can't possibly lead our people in battle." She said.
"If it really does come to that then we were never going to change the outcome. With tens of thousands of troops and many able commanders the presence or absence of either of us in not going to change the tide of battle. I alone was certainly not going to make a difference. But I knew that I could make a difference here. In making sure this mission in completed successfully and that the Lady of Bear Island will survive to lead her folk." He said.
"And I'm sure your reasons for being here are entirely unselfish." She said sarcastically.
"I would be the first to admit I had selfish motives in this. But nothing I said was untrue. You know it. Knowing that did you honestly expect me to stay behind, not knowing if you were ever going to come back?" He said.
"If it was for the good of our people? Yes, I would expect it. I didn't want to go on a mission to a strange land, perhaps to never see your face again, any more than you did. But I did it anyway, because I understood that was needed." She said firmly.
Then she sighed. "But maybe you have a point. Maybe you will do more good here. Maybe that was an oversight on my part. I just… hate the idea of going away without at least one of us looking after our people. I know the King will do his best, as will the Maester. But some things you just can't leave to others. I'm scared that we come back from this mission only to discover that what's left of the people of Bear Island were wiped out while were away. Without them there is no point to any of this. Not for the two of us. So I can't help but worry."
"That's not a fault as I see it. The people of Bear Island are lucky to have a ruling Lady that cares so much about them. And you're right in that I should be strong enough to put our people first. Once, when I was just some knight in your service, I might have been able to. But that was a long time ago. That's no longer all that possible for me. I'm sorry."
Lyanna smiled, gave a slight shake of her head and took his hands into hers. "It's ok Caleb. I forgive you. I'm glad you're here. Whatever comes now, we'll face it together. We will survive this and return to our people. Together."
Caleb smiled as well. "Together."