.

.

.

This ain't by design, girl
Take it softer
You know I'm out my mind, girl
Don't make this harder
Come and light my fire, baby
How much longer 'til December?
Say what you really mean

- Yves Tumor, Gospel for a New Century

6 / 19 / 2016

It only really strikes me, today.

Summer vacation begins next week and I still feel like it's winter.

Akechi's words strike a chord with me, and the feeling remains long after I've gotten myself out of his apartment.

Part of me feels like I really should have thought of that truth sooner. Another part reminds me I spent most of the past few weeks looking to kill someone or be killed, so I doubt I'd have taken something like this particularly well to begin with.

In any other situation I think I'd be rather pleased with how things have turned out. And no, I haven't forgotten all the terrible shit on the horizon; we have a whole smorgasbord of motherfuckers to get or else there will be war on the streets. That said I do feel invigorated enough to after them. This is what I wanted, after all, when Akechi shot back at us in the hospital; get rid of every single family who could ever fuck things up for us, bring them to heel before they even get the chance to kill each other.

But I think about Makoto Niijima. I think about what she may or may not know.

And it disturbs me. It shames me. But if worst comes to worst, if what I think she knows is what she actually knows, it makes sense. I haven't exactly shown myself to be the most well-adjusted individual around her.

Who am I kidding? I've done things in front of her that make me look like a goddamn psychopath.

For all I know perhaps the others know I've a goddamn Kingdom. Maybe that's why Yoshizawa was all trembly whenever she'd speak to me recently. Maybe that's why Sakamoto's been avoiding me. Does Takamaki know? Did she help me and Niijima out, knowing that I have something so unbelievably destructive taking root in my heart?

Did Niijima enlist my help, knowing I have a Kingdom? Did she do it because she believed my power necessary to overcome whatever lay inside Tsukioka's heart? Or did she do it because she knew I'd go after him anyway, and thought she could rein me in?

Akechi was right when he asked me how I could be so fucking stupid. I've no right even surviving as long as I have.

Akechi doesn't know the parameters of my Kingdom, because how could he? How could he determine something so unbelievably specific, something so precise?

It wouldn't be difficult to find out if I even have one; all Niijima would have to do is type or speak my full name in the app. In our past conversations she's repeatedly said Hikawa, Hikawa. Has she ever spoken out my full name?

Have I in all my fucked-uppedness set myself and her on a path of mutually-assured destruction?

When it hits lunch, something carries me and my steps to wherever I feel I'm needed most. The rooftop beckons again, and I make my way slowly but surely up the steps. As I go closer and closer nothing makes sense any longer and I feel something strange. Nervousness, fear, anxiety. Not crippling, not overwhelming; just a droning, constant feeling, caressing my face. Tapping me forward lightly. Causing my insides to churn. Chilling me, making me aware of all my little inadequacies.

It is as though she knew I'd find her here. She is not surprised when I come through the door, isn't jilted by my sudden appearance. Her eyes are warm, welcoming. Though the rest of her is still, and stoic, and prim and proper. She still looks like she hasn't slept right, but she's far less broken up about things than before.

"Hikawa-san...?"

"Good to see you."

She actually smiles back. "You, too."

I get myself seated across from her again, this time with a boxed lunch I prepared at home. She's surprised to see that I've actually prepared something for myself, even more surprised to see what's inside. "What is that?"

"You wouldn't like it. Shitty paella I'd made at home. Managed to find a bit to reheat. I figured, why the hell not?"

"So you're a cook, then?"

"Barely. Maruki'd been instructing me. I've plans to get back to him today."

"Right, he's still in the hospital."

"Yeah. Takamaki's staying home for a while too, she texted me earlier. Said she can't believe you and I have the energy to go to school."

"I don't blame her," Niijima sighs, chuckling. "Are you still tired over the events in the Palace?"

"Kinda, I suppose. But I've rested well enough. You?"

"I still struggle with sleep. These days it takes me an hour of closing my eyes before my body decides to let me rest. But, I'll manage."

I wish I could handle my shit half as well as she does. Million yen question comes quickly, because beating around the bush is for assholes. "How're you feeling? About your father? If you don't mind me asking, that is."

She shakes her head. "What's done is done. I'm not fond of thinking of him any more than I have to."

"Alright."

"I'm sorry you had to see that side of me," she leans over the table, a hand over her eyes as she lets out a chagrined smile. "It was embarrassing. We were all surrounded by Shadows and Manikins, and all I could do was cry my eyes out. I brought you all there, and I couldn't even protect you from my own father."

There's a pain in her eyes, one that's been there since the day she discovered the truth behind her father. It's lesser now, it's been reduced somewhat, but it's there. And at once I think of what I would do if her father were still alive, if I had the strength to subdue him, the things I'd do to him. The memories I'd dredge up, the violations I'd commit upon his Palace.

"I can't possibly blame you. Though, it has to be said that that wasn't your father. That was a cognition of your father produced by a sick piece of shit in Pope's robes."

"I know. But...the memory I saw. Of me, carrying that diorama to that hospital room. That was exactly how I remember it happening, too. Every detail. I remember it clearly," she looks over the netted fence, cupping her chin in her hand as she faces the horizon. "I'm fairly certain that my father was responsible for everything we saw in Tsukioka's Palace and more. He may have exaggerated it somewhat in his head, or even downplayed how awful his actions truly must have been. But that was who my father was. I don't know if Dad justified all his actions the way his Manikin did. Did he want to provide more for us, or was it just for the thrill of getting some drug money on the side? Did he really want to protect the people and maintain order, or was that just something Tsukioka attributed towards him? I'll never be able to really know. And honestly, I think that's for the best."

I look at her melancholy eyes; cold, but certain. Dull, yet they still burn. Her posture is relaxed, but in truth she's made of steel. I pierce my bento with a pair of chopsticks. "Why didn't you kill him?"

"What?"

"Tsukioka," I tell her, chewing on some rice. "You didn't kill him. Why? Nobody would've blamed you."

"Well, I would have blamed myself."

"Man got your father in the business that would end up costing him his life. Nearly got you killed almost as many times as Kaneshiro."

"For one thing, my father got himself into the business. For another, you know why I couldn't kill him. It'd be too dangerous to put an end to him in a time like this. And..."

"And, what?"

"And I'm not a murderer. That's...it, I suppose."

I told myself that she was one bad day away from being me.

I told myself that she'd lose it the instant she'd get more than she had bargained for.

That seeing what had happened to her father would break her.

I could not have been more wrong.

"I'd like to thank you again. Really. I'm grateful to you for indulging me."

"You've said that already."

"I'm sure I have. Not nearly enough, though."

"I didn't do anything," I shake my head. "You stood up on your own two feet and tore that motherfucker to pieces until he was a green lump of flesh."

"And I could never have done that without you."

"You sell yourself short."

"This, from you?"

"Niijima, I-"

"You've helped me more than you know. There's not a single thing I can do to convey how grateful I am, to you and everyone else who stood with me on that day."

I just smirk. "Even Akechi?"

"Well, maybe not everyone."

I laugh warmly, genuinely. It isn't loud or manic like all my other laughs, and the sight disturbs her so much she blushes. Her discomfort fades as soon as it arrives, and she smiles lightly. Then something hits her, and she's serious again, "Akechi. I nearly forgot. Has he told you what he wanted from...?"

"He said plans changed, the moment you demanded what you did of the SIU Director. He said he'd help. Said we taught him a lesson in necessity, or something."

"I don't trust him in the slightest."

"Neither do I."

"He's too suspicious, too close to the situation to not know more."

"Agreed. But best to keep your enemies closer than your friends."

"He's willing to help me put those on the SIU Director's payroll down?"

"Said so himself. Call him if you'd like."

"And...would you be willing to help? Still, after everything that's happened...?"

"Of course I-"

I can't. Oh my God.

Not with her knowing I will.

If I tell her no, I'll be lying through my teeth and she'll see right through it and make everything so much harder on the both of us. If I tell her yes, then she'll either try to stop me, or she'll try to help me find them. And when I end up doing terrible things to the people who deserve it most she'll blame herself, either for not stopping me when she could have or God forbid helping me get to that point in the first place.

Then she'll find out about my father, and that's something she doesn't deserve. Not another sob story about neglectful parents. Had enough of that herself. Everything her father did, she's still reeling from that. And depending on what I find out about my father, it's likely anything hers did was small potatoes compared to mine.

How could I put that on her or the others? After all the horrors we've endured?

What does Akechi want from me, and why did his fucking bizarro super secret plans change when Niijima and I terrorized the SIU Director into submission?

What makes her think I won't just kill people, even under her watch? What makes her think I won't kill Shijima? Is this some grand scheme she's concocting? Why would she do this, knowing I have a Kingdom? It's settled, then. She doesn't know. She can't know. She can't possibly be so stupid.

Unless she's not stupid. Unless she's crazy.

Unless she is so unbelievably insane that she thinks doing this will enable her to perform the impossible. What is wrong with her?

What is wrong with me?

I think a thousand different things in the span of a second. The best thing I can think of, when her eyes demand a response... is to tell a half-truth.

"I...I don't know, honestly."

She exhales. "I see. I can't blame you. I spent most of yesterday thinking. And most of today continuing that thought. For as crazy as it sounds I don't think I'm willing to let this thought go."

"What're you thinking?"

"My father gave in and perpetuated the corruption in the system. He had sold himself to people who would end up sending him into an early grave the second he stepped out of line. He had made his choices, but it wasn't like he could have stopped it if he'd tried. The SIU Director was just another in a long line of department heads who'd joined arms with monsters. The structures themselves were and have always been tainted. If he'd fought back he'd have just died sooner."

She says this bitterly, and it's surprising to hear her of all people put the state of things in those terms. But it's nonetheless as true as it's ever been. "So..."

"We aren't part of the system. We exist well outside its bounds. And so does Shijima. Every single person out there who's suffered because of the injustice inherent in all these organizations and establishments - we can help them. We can actually do things for them. Inspire them to enact change, I don't know."

"You really think that's going to work?" I sigh, feeling like this is going to be a retread of a past conversation.

"I don't know if it'll work. I don't know if any of it will work. But I'm willing to give it a try."

I nod, staring at my bento, "Good for you, Niijima."

"Would you be?"

"What?"

She turns. And she looks at me. And her eyes, they pierce into me, like flaming daggers.

Why is she looking at me like she does?

And what are you doing, Kazuya? Are you gonna keep looking at her bright red eyes and still face and her pursed lips like a dumbass, or are you going to say something?

Why can't you say anything, you dumb shit?

Why is she so quiet all of a sudden?

What will she tell me? What does she know of me? What is she going to do to me, for me, against me?

Is she going to apologize again, for all the shit she's done? Is she going to lambast me for something rude I've said, I don't even know what? Is she going to just take her bag and leave, and never speak to me again? Is she going to speak of her father again?

Will she tell me she knows about my Kingdom?

What will I do if she tells me she knows about my Kingdom?

Why can't I think of anything to do to her if she knows about my Kingdom?

I can do so many things to far worse motherfuckers.

Why not her?

"Come with me," she says suddenly.

I blink at her. "What?"

I thought she'd snap out of her trance and realize what the fuck she just said. But she doesn't, because she isn't in a trance at all. She doesn't break out into laughter and chide me for getting flustered over an obvious joke, because it wasn't a joke.

"I want to go after everyone on Tsukioka's payroll. And I'm certain you want to find out the truth behind Shijima and its members. So come with me. Work with me. Let's take them all down, together."

If I know what I know you know... "How could you ask something like that of me?"

"Hikawa."

"I'm a killer. A cold, murdering bastard. And you'd trust me to help you on your righteous crusade of justice."

"I do," she says without a shred of doubt, tightening my nerves.

"Why?"

"Part of it's pragmatism. I can't do this on my own. And you shouldn't do this on your own, as much as you'd prefer to. We're both after the same thing, and I know you don't intend to just put a stop to your Palace ventures after you've dealt with Shijima. There are far too many people in this city, far too many people with Palaces, and the money and power to keep themselves guarded from the law. I won't let them go unpunished, and neither will you. So...," she fidgets somewhat, turns nervous. Shuffles a bit of hair behind her ear as she faces away from me. "Would you help me?"

She's so ashamed to even talk to me about this that she's blushing.

"You don't need me, Niijima," I exhale.

"If anything, the last few weeks have shown me I do," she chuckles. "Without you I'd never have survived Tsukioka's Palace. Or Kaneshiro's Palace. Or Kaneshiro in general."

"You said it yourself, Niijima. You know what I'm capable of. Why would you...?"

She looks at me, and she says simply, "I have faith in you."

There's absolutely nothing within me that can compel me to reject that statement. Perhaps a few months ago, had she said something like that, I'd have laughed in her face, screamed at her, thrown things and kicked things and told her all the shit I've done and seen and will always do from now until the end of time.

But right now, at this very moment, I feel like all I want to do is disappear into the void, forever.

For some reason she suddenly looks discomforted again. She calms herself, stopping before she says something she'll regret, stopping before she lets herself pour out all the words. "I'm sorry, I just - I..."

Her face twists because she thinks she's stuffed her foot in her mouth, and she no longer knows what she could possibly say next. All that confidence, it dissipates completely. Again, she's come to hate herself more than anyone else in the whole world.

All at once, she wants to disappear, too.

All of a sudden, my back straightens up, I look her right in the eye, and for some reason I can't pin down it becomes very important that she stops feeling what she feels right at this very moment.

"Let's get out of here."

"W-we should. Class'll start again, soon..."

"Not what I meant at all."

"What?"

"Anywhere you're interested in eating? It's on me."

"What? I-I can't just leave, we've still got classes. You've still got classes."

"So what?"

"I'm student council president, and you have a criminal record."

"Didn't know you still cared about the rumors."

"Not that! For me, it would set a bad example to the other students. For you, cutting classes will screw with your standing!"

I shrug. "C'mon, who needs 'em?"

"Hikawa!"

"Two nights ago, you ripped your way through a Palace, mostly by yourself. Then you went to school four hours after that. Your eyebags have eyebags and you've sounded breathy the whole time I've spoken with you today. I think you can afford to cut a few classes."

"Yeah, but they don't know about the Palace..."

"Gives a shit, what they know?"

"My sister'll kill me, once I get home and she hears I've cut classes."

"That's your sister talking. What do you want?"

"Hikawa."

"Tell me. Did you want to go to school just a few hours after dealing with Tsukioka's Palace, as exhausted as you must have been?"

"Of course I didn't want to. I have responsibilities."

"Why do you feel so compelled to fulfill responsibilities other people put upon you?"

"I-" she pauses for a few seconds. "I... I did them so I wouldn't be a burden upon my sister."

"All your intellect, all the things you know you can do, and you'd put it to use for other people before yourself."

"If this is going to be another lecture about how weak-willed I am, I'd rather not hear it right now."

"Far from it, Niijima. Forgive me if I came across as cutting through boundaries. But it isn't a sin to be selfish every now and again."

"But it is a sin to be so selfish you neglect your duty," she says strongly, forthrightly, so assuredly that it almost ends the conversation right then.

It doesn't. "Alright. We'll compromise. Sunday. Eleven AM. You free to hang out somewhere in Shibuya? Food's on me."

"Sunday?"

"You need rest, and I'm not gonna keep it from you by having us hang out today or tomorrow or any other day soon. Unless you've plans for Sunday?"

"I-I...," she shuffles her hair behind her ear again, "I usually just study on Sundays..."

"Were you planning on doing that this coming Sunday, too?"

"I-I guess so?"

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why? It's my routine."

"Well, why are you studying so hard? After getting rid of a Palace I find myself so tuckered out I take like, two weeks off."

"I mean, I..."

"It's your choice, Niijima. I don't plan to impede you in any way. But what do you want to do? Not what you think you should do."

"Well, I...," she thinks to herself. Expression perplexed. It's too early in the afternoon for this shit. She chuckles, shakes her head. "I can't even find an answer to that."

Well, shit. Now I've made things awkward. "I...see."

"You know what? Let's go," she says, suddenly energized. "Sunday, eleven AM. I'll meet you in the front of the station."

Holy shit, she said yes. "R-really?"

"Yes. I'll free up my schedule. I think I'd like that, Hikawa-san. I'd like to take a break. Especially since summer's right around the corner. Sunday's the perfect time."

Her hair wafts over her eyes, which have now been invigorated to the point where she now looks like she has slept right the past two days. She looks happy, happier than she's been in months - the sight isn't anything I'm used to at all.

It's a nice smile. A lovely one.

If she wears it more often I won't know what to do with myself.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. "Sunday it is, then."

"I'm looking forward to it."

What the fuck have I just done.

"Kazuya..."

Earlier that morning, I decided to let Maruki know I'm not dead, and the Palace has been dealt with in a roundabout fashion. Guy looks like he's about to cry when he sees me. He smiles as he says, "You look terrible."

"I must. But I feel... I don't know how I feel."

I tell him what went down in the Palace. What happened to Niijima, how she took all the horrors her father was responsible for, what she did to the creature wearing her father's face, and how she made the director of the fucking SIU bend the knee. It's a story that disturbs and fascinates him, one that sends him riveting even in his weakened state.

By the end of it all the only thing he can say is, "Poor girl."

"Poor girl?" I smirk. "In all honesty, she's a badass. When she really wants to be, anyway."

"Yes, but...I wish she didn't have to experience everything her father had put her through to get to that point. And I'm sure she'd wish the same."

"She's come to terms with it, inasmuch as someone like her could."

"That's good. That's great. And you plan on joining her, in this journey of hers?" It's not like Maruki to cut to the point so bluntly, but considering what I've put him through these past few months, I don't blame him.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No, I don't. I mean," I lean back in my seat. "She's...intent on doing this. With or without me. I think of what would happen if she learned of a man like my father. Or worse...if she's learned of me."

"You...think she knows you've a Kingdom?"

"I'm about seventy-five percent sure she does. Niijima's not stupid. She can make stupid decisions, but she isn't stupid. So considering how I've carried myself thus far in front of her, I wouldn't be surprised if she knows by now."

"So she hasn't told you yet."

"No."

"And you can't just ask her, because there's the off chance she might not actually know."

"I can't. I really can't. And... and even if I do trust her with all this shit, I think about my father. I think about the nightmarish shit he must keep locked inside his heart, for him to have a Kingdom. I don't...want her to be burdened with that. She already had enough on her plate, knowing her father was a fucking monster. What the hell's she gonna do, she finds out mine is one, too?"

"I think she'd be willing to help you..."

"See, that's the last thing I want, Maruki. Remember the special thing about Kingdoms?"

"Of course I remember. But she'd want you to convince your father to change. She'd try to get you to see he can."

"But he probably can't and he probably won't, and depending on what he's done I may just have to kill him in the end, and I don't want her to see me do that. I don't want her to take part in that. I don't want her to see me kill my Dad. Worse...I don't want her to relish seeing me kill my Dad."

"You think she's the kind of person who'd do that?"

"I think, if she goes on this path by herself, she'll become that kind of person. If she lets herself. I'd like to think she wouldn't let herself, but I liked to think a lot of things that were proven to be untrue."

"You care about her."

"I think I do, for better and for worse. Though I may have fucked myself."

"What makes you say that?"

"Akechi. The brown-haired guy who met with us during our first venture in the Palace."

"Akechi. I vaguely remember him."

"Detective. High school. Kinda famous. Fake smile?"

"Literally none of that registers."

"Ah, well. Point is, he's an asshole and I don't trust him."

"You don't trust a lot of people."

"True, but this is actually warranted. He's a sketchy prick, but he knew how to get into the Palace in such a way that none of us did, so we requested his help. To get Akechi to help us into Tsukioka's Palace, he demanded I help him with something that he said he'd keep secret until after we're over and done with the Palace. As of Niijima deciding to threaten Tsukioka into forking over information surrounding the various drug dealers and gangbangers he's been in bed with, said plans have changed. Akechi said he'd now help us take care of all the assholes we plan to dig up dirt on through Tsukioka."

"That's...that's, well, it could be worse?"

"It could be. Could be a whole lot better, too. I'd really rather he not breathe down our necks the whole fucking time. Don't know what he's scheming."

"Is he even really scheming anything?"

"Positive. Then again, I'm a paranoid fuck, so maybe I'm too wary for my own good. Still."

"If you want to help Niijima, then by all means, do so. If she's going to do what you say she is, and Akechi is going to do what he says he is, it'd be best for you to remain with them both and keep an eye on them."

"See, that's the thing, Maruki."

"Hmm?"

"I do want to go after every name on Tsukioka's payroll. I do want to settle this before things get any shittier, and most importantly of all, I want to find Shijima. But. I don't know if I'll be able to do any of that efficiently, if she's there the whole time."

"Why not? She's intelligent, and courageous, and in your own words a badass. She'll definitely be able to help you find who you're looking for, if you both put your minds to it."

"Even if I choose not to kill them, even if I decide to abide by you and her and what everyone else says I should do, I feel horribly shitty about it because I'd be dragging her into a mess she'd never be able to clean up. We can't arrest them or bring them to justice, they're so far up the fucking chain anything the system does to them will amount to a slap on the wrist. All the shit I've done, everything she and you and I know I'm capable of, and she still trusts me enough to ask me if I'd be willing to help her put a stop to these insane sadistic motherfuckers."

"You do want to put a stop to them, though."

"More than anything. But she wants me to help people. She wants me to, to use my powers for righteousness or some shit. It's honestly amazing she remains so true to her values even after everything she's seen, but goddamn. All I'm good at is destroying things, but she wants me to be some fucking hero. If she thinks I can help her with that, she may actually have gone insane from all the fucked up revelations surrounding her Dad."

"Or maybe she has faith that you can help people. That you aren't just good at destroying things."

"Then it's faith misplaced."

"Kazuya."

"I've had this conversation with you far too many times, Maruki."

"And every time I tell you what you need to hear, you don't believe me."

"She said the same things you did," I shake my head.

"What?"

"She... Niijima knows about Masako."

Maruki's mouth drops. "You told her."

"Akechi...outed me. He had been involved in the case from the beginning...so when we tried enlisting his help to reenter the Palace, he spat out the truth right in front of her. He just revealed it. It was awkward."

"My God. I'm so sorry."

"At that point, Niijima realized that was why I wanted to find and put a stop to Shijima so strongly. She...told me the same things you did. About how I can't let myself become a monster to get what I want. That maybe me pursuing what I want, won't save or free me. From this terrible, empty feeling. It was shameful. She stood there and listened to me drone on and on about all that shit. Had the patience of a saint. How the hell could she possibly think I could help people?"

"Kazuya, let me be blunt with you. Do you actually not care about helping anyone be free of people hurting or oppressing them?"

"I mean, it's not like I can actually help anyone. How could I do that shit? I'm terrible at helping people. You've seen my track record."

"But do you actually not care about them?"

I exhale, "They let people step all over them, let monsters get away with hurting innocents just to keep themselves safe."

"Yet you've stepped in to help free those people every chance you get."

"Because I hate the people they let go on living."

"Is that it?"

"Fine, what do you want me to say, Maruki? That I don't care about any of them? That I've never cared about anyone? Maybe that's true, maybe, maybe I'm a selfish fucking bastard. This has all been for me, that's true, that's the truest it's ever been-"

"Kazuya. You wouldn't be hurting like this if you didn't care. You act like everything has to be out of your own selfish desire, and automatically that means any good you've done along with the bad gets thrown out."

"Maruki, don't you see how fucking stupid it'd sound if I suddenly became this fucking hero of righteousness that goes around helpin' people and stopping the bad guys and fighting for all those Saturday morning cliches?"

"That's a strawman, Kazuya, and you know it. You're a man of extremes, you swing one way or another, and you fly so hard in either direction you can't see a middle ground."

"There isn't one, Maruki. These people are monsters. The only way to stop them is to return their ruthlessness in kind. I know it, she knows it, you fucking know it, you've seen it. And if you know it, then... then what faith could you possibly have in me? How could you or she trust me to do something I've never been able to do? How could you trust me to use what I know, and what I can do, to actually help anybody? I'm a criminal who goes after other criminals."

Maruki looks at me sternly. "It doesn't matter what you are. What matters is what you choose to do next. It doesn't depend on what people label you as, or what you label yourself as. It's what you do with the hand you've been given. Every single thing you've done up to this point has been of your free will, and I know you won't counter me on that front. So why is it that when someone points out you can choose to do something else, that you can choose to devote your energy to something other than hurting people, you say you can't help what you are?"

I don't know what to say to that.

Not for a long time.

"...it just doesn't make any sense to me, Maruki. None of it does."

"What do you want, Kazuya?" he asks me. "What is it, really, that you want? Unfiltered. No big words or long explanations. What is it you want, at the end of all this?"

"I want to be free."

"Free, of what?"

I start shivering as I hunch over in my chair. "Free of my guilt. Free of the things I've done and the people I've lost. Free of feeling like if I do nothing, then someone out there like Kana suffers again."

"Kazuya, I say this as your guidance counselor, probationary officer, and as someone who calls you my friend. If you go down this path, the way you've been going down, you will never be free. Even if you kill everyone in the world you hate, all that'll leave you with is yourself. Makoto Niijima has faith that you can help people. She has faith that you can change. Maybe instead of dismissing her beliefs as stupid or overly idealistic... maybe you can have some faith in yourself, too."

I close my eyes and look at him with a withered gaze, "Is it even worth it?"

"What have I been telling you, Kazuya? That all depends on what you do next."

Makoto Niijima knows that Kazuya Hikawa has a Kingdom.

If I assume this truth, then I can assume that a whole host of other malignant shit will occur between her and me, if I don't do what I know I have to, sooner rather than later.

Makoto Niijima and I will become enemies, there is no question about that fact.

And...

And I will do everything in my power to delay that from happening, for as long as I possibly can.

"I asked her out on a date, earlier today."

"What?"

"She said that she had faith in me. Some reason that made me feel awful. She felt awful, too. And I just... I asked her out. Right there, on the spot. And she said yes."

"You-" Maruki blinks, shakes his head. He smiles, but the smile fades a little when he asks, "Wh-what made you ask her out?"

"For as terrible as I felt. For ashamed as I felt. Sitting there as she said that...," I hold my head in my hands, my elbows on my knees as I groan. "I felt like I'd have become more ashamed had I let her stew in her self-hatred any longer."

There are two things I can do.

One, let Niijima's faith be rewarded, and prove to her and myself that I can change, for the better.

The other is something I'm good at.

.

.

.

7 / 20 / 2016

This is how the story will be told.

Once upon a time there was a cartel of sick fucking bastards who ruled the city of Tokyo.

Their leader, a snivelling old cretin so ancient he likely can never remember how to even tie his shoes every morning. A man greedy enough to throw his lot in with beasts of the earth and lords of flies for the promise of money; a man cowardly enough to throw his own people into the fire if it kept himself safe; a man lazy enough to enable terrors and nightmares unimaginable if it meant he remained where he was at all times.

The ones who tore down the organization, bit by bit by bit, were a Queen in an iron mask, a Crow with a flaming blade, and a Joker who had sold his soul to the Devil.

And the first step to tearing down this organization, involved the Joker deciding to perform just one more act of recklessness, in the early morning hours of the day.

"What do you want now!?"

I hoped that Tsukioka's Palace still had its fair share of scars to heal, but I didn't think the wounds would have remained so open and raw, even until now. The cops that came after me the minute I arrived were nowhere near as numerous as they had been in the past, nor could they take as much punishment as their predecessors.

So it wasn't particularly difficult to get to Hideyoshi Tsukioka. Just kill a bunch of his men and he'll come around. It's awful for business if his drug runners die in droves, after all.

"You're so fucking sensitive, you know that?"

"Why are you HERE!? We made a deal! We made a deal, you little shit, are you just - you're just going to-!?"

"Stop crying, you're like eighty fucking years old."

With Hideyoshi Tsukioka's throat beneath my heel, with the world around me coated in the blood of cops who would rather see themselves dead than let their Ruler be shamed again. There are a lot of things I want, that have already been fulfilled.

But not nearly enough.

"I want answers, and you're gonna give them to me. Let's head over to your evidence locker."

The whole time, this diminutive old man stares at me like I've wiped my ass on his face, which I and Niijima have technically already have.

I pull down files upon files upon files worth of people and names, mostly in the sections of the library where they keep their H's. There are some very intriguing files concerning wealthy pedophiles who paid Kaneshiro and Tsukioka big money for prepubescents and infants; concerning murderers who've made it big and are now movie stars promoting the JSDF. But strangely, nothing about the man he fears so much that the instant someone says his surname in his immediate presence, he freaks out.

Oh, a file on my father does exist. It's here, I've opened it in my hands. But you know what's inside?

Nothing.

Every single line of text, drenched in thick black lines. I can read not a single trace of whatever lies inside, other than his name.

So I kick Tsukioka's shins and he topples over and with my boot on his face I demand to know, "What is your relationship with my father, Morishige Hikawa."

"Do not even SAY THE NAME!"

"Is that why you don't even have a file on him here? Is that why you can't even utter his name without sounding like a broken radio?"

He hisses, "You fucking bastard son of a whore-"

"My father heard you say that about my mother, you can expect to see him very soon."

"You fuck - you fucking little-"

"Talk, old man. We've so much time."

"Shido had found him! Kept him on a fucking - need-to-know basis. I didn't know where he found him, I still don't know where he found him, and I don't know why he needed him, but..." I remove my foot off his head, drag him up, and push him against the wall. "But he's important. He's vital. To all our operations."

Fucking hell. "Why?"

"Y̷͕͚̕0̴͚̞̾̉u̶̩ͧ̽͆r̴͖̗ͬ̔ ̵͕̪̔f̸̹͍̏4̶̺̀ᴛ̶͓ⷮ͠h̷͎ͪ̆3̴͚͖̍͝r̷̖͈ͬ̔ ̴̫̃1̶̞̀͝5̸͎͎́ ̴̰͔̽̕r̴̛ͬ̅͜e̷̫͓ͤ́̎5̶̦̌p0̸͍̌n̸̼̖͌5̷̩̿̓1̴̨͗̐8̴̦̒͘L̶̹͙͗͠3̵̼̈́͘ ̸̮̈́̈4̷̬̀̂ ̶̠̯̇͂ᴛ̶̯ⷮ̎h̷̺ͪ̿3̷̭̥̾ ̴̧̀4̷̼̮̐m̴̳̟ͫ͠͝8̵̬͒y̷̢͠o̶͕̙ͦ̀̐n̶͔̘̔̇ ̷͕̹̄o̸̦̲ͦ̓͝f̶̙̤̓ ̵͖͊̂5̸̬̮́̏4̴̰͐̔I̵̥̱ͥ͋J̷͙̫͛͠I̷͔ͥ̂M̷ⷨ̀ͅ4̶̺̼͒,̶̱̓͂ ̵̯̗̿h̷͔ͪ͒͗3̷͖̉ ̷̲̓̌ẅ̷̟̯́̈4̵̪̍̆s̷̛̤͛̾ ̵͚̑f̵͉̀̓r̵̮ͬ̇0̶̮͗̿m̴͚̩ͫ̇̆ ̶͕͔̅͝S̸̬͛͗3̶̦̖̊В3̷͔͒ᴋ̵̯͖ⷦ͠ ̶͕͖̒͑&̸̧͎͛͊ ̶̺͋ẅ̴̬́̀0̴̙̫̎͝r̷͖̩ͬ͠ᴋ̸̦̥ⷦ̄͝3̷̨͎̿d̸̺̠ͩ̍͠ ̸̨̃̒w̷̨̋͐/̸̟̰͂̈́ ̵̖̀ᴋ̸̻̰ⷦ̀̈́0̸̞̼̅3̵͉̾ᴛ̴̛͎̪ⷮ5̴̗̽U̴̡̩ͧ̀͝ ̴̲͊ᴋ̴̱̼ⷦ͑1̵̬̙̆̚R̴̝̩ͬ̀̽1̴͎̘̊J̸̨̃0̴͖͔̑̂ ̶͔̥̕o̶̪ͦ͑N̴͓̂̓ ̸̱̈͌a̷̤̫ͣ̈́̂ ̸͙̈рŗ̸̬ͬ͝0̵̗̔j̸͔̏̆3̴͈̦̀c̵̲̤ͨ͒̑ᴛ̶̲ⷮ͌ ̶͖͊i̸͇̥ͥ͊ṅ̸͚̈́ ̴̦̣͑ᴛ̴̞ⷮ͗h̵̥ͪ̀̋3̶͇͌͒ ̵̪̘̇c̷̫ͨ̂0̷̠̕g̸̛̲͛n̴̜̍1̸̳̥̂ᴛ̵̢ⷮ̉̄1̸̯̍͝v̸̬̞ͮ̊3̵͇͋̕ ̸̧̩̿w̶̠̿0̶̯̅r̴̬ͬ̋l̸̙͙̂̊D̵̫͕ͩ̏́-"

"Of course, nothing I fucking understand. Why do I bother." I turn my back to him, knowing he's too frail and fucking miserable to even try to attack me.

"Why...are you after h̵͕͇͔͌͆͌i̸̡̺͍͑͑̀m̴̞̺̺͋̒͋...?" Tsukioka growls. "You are...h̸̻̘̼͑̒̚i̴͎͇͉͌͝s̸̻̘̐̕͝ s̴̪̝͖͑́̽o̸͉̪͇͋̕͝n̸͓͖̾̈́͜.̴̦̞͎͆͐͠"

"I am. But if my father is the man I assume he is, and if he's as dangerous as I know he can be, then I have to stop him sooner rather than later. By any means possible."

"Will you try to kill h̵͕͇͔͌͆͌i̸̡̺͍͑͑̀m̴̞̺̺͋̒͋?" Tsukioka laughs. "You would...you would try to...?"

"I'll gather information, find out what I can do, determine what I can't."

So that Niijima won't end up having to kill him herself...or watch me kill him.

"You will die. You and your friends. If you try to touch h̵͕͇͔͌͆͌i̸̡̺͍͑͑̀m̴̞̺̺͋̒͋, you will all burn."

"I'm certain you hate being involved with him in any measure. Why not help me? Why not tell me what the fuck he's done, how I can stop him?"

"You cannot stop h̵͕͇͔͌͆͌i̸̡̺͍͑͑̀m̴̞̺̺͋̒͋ , boy. No one can."

"Does my father have anything to do with Shijima."

Tsukioka doesn't answer. He just trembles, sweat beading down his head.

"Oi. Old man. Does even your Shadow have a hard time hearing? Huh?"

His craggled lips purse and twist and tremble as he tries to say things but can't. Just makes out thick gurgling noises as his mouth spirals and twists and turns into a whirlpool. He sweats as veins pop all over his body, in his skull in his neck in his arms and in his face - he cries red, blood seeping out his eyes and nose and ears as he collapses to the ground. He seizes for a few seconds, the world around him trembling and sending books and files and stacks down upon the floor, and then the trembling ceases almost as quickly as it came.

He lies there, writhing on the ground; twitching and shivering, and looking up at the ceiling. Foam and blood in his mouth, at his eyes, at his ears. Gasping for air.

He physically can't say it or else he ends up getting a seizure. I won't surprised if I see on the news that the SIU Director's suffered an aneurysm.

What did my father do to this frail old man.

I grab him by his shoulders, sit him up against a bookcase, and slap him around for a bit. "Stay with me, you fucking geriatric."

I can't risk too many questions related to my father. But I'm not leaving here without answers.

Please don't seize up again. "How did any of you fuckers even come in contact with the Vortex World in the first place?"

He jitters, trembles, blood lapping out his eyes as he heaves. Bubbling at his lips, as his breathing stabilizes. "S̴̺͓̪̈́͌̿S̸͎͓̀s̴͓̙̺̐̈́̈́S̴̘͔͔̾͘s̴̘̦̈́͑̕4̶̺̼͒kur4̶̺̼͒..."

"What?"

"S̴̺͓̪̈́͌̿S̸͎͓̀s̴͓̙̺̐̈́̈́S̴̘͔͔̾͘s̴̘̦̈́͑̕4̶̺̼͒kur4̶̺̼͒..." he points a finger towards a darker end of the library's halls. "S̴̺͓̪̈́͌̿S̸͎͓̀s̴͓̙̺̐̈́̈́S̴̘͔͔̾͘s̴̘̦̈́͑̕4̶̺̼͒kur4̶̺̼͒..."

It takes me a while to determine the name. But I recognize it as a name.

Sakura?

I drag this old man's seized up half-corpse along with me as I comb through the files with surnames starting with S, and what I get that matter are two people.

An old man with slicked back hair in a widow's peak, and a thick goatee. A young girl with bright orange hair, wearing glasses. Looks about my age, if a little younger. Old man is named Sojiro Sakura. Young girl is named Futaba Sakura.

The old man's files give off nothing meaningful; he had worked in the government for a time, spent a good amount of money on alcohol and hookers, but now runs a coffee shop somewhere in the city. But almost everything in the Futaba Sakura file is redacted, censored; giant black lines all over everywhere except on a single line of text that reads Possibly Open for Induction; Must Investigate Further.

"Who are these two? And why are they so important?"

"Š̶oj̴̭̀i̴̗̋r̷̲̐o̶̞̍ ̴͉͝S̷͒͜a̵̡̎k̵̫̊ura̶͔͛...F̶̥́u̵͓̐tabä̶̬ ̴̽͜S̶̹̔a̵̹̓kura.̸̬̈ ̸̱̏I̷̧͘n̴̥͌f̶͙̂orm̵͕̽a̸͇͂ț̸̋ion ̷̧̛o̶̡̾ń̷̢ ̶̜̎F̶̥́u̵͓̐tabä̶̬ ̴̽͜S̶̹̔a̵̹̓kura.̷͈̅.̶̫̔.̶̮͐ř̵͕e̴͓͂d̷̗́a̴̪̚c̸̩̄ť̴̖e̷̜͑d̴̺̆.̵̘͆.̷̨͠.̵̠̽

I can just barely hear him. "Redacted. Why redacted? What's so special about Futaba Sakura?"

He breathes, heaves, growls and foams, but he grabs the file, flips the pages around, and uses a shaky bony finger to point at a few lines of text I shudder to even read.

Futaba Sakura's status as a Palace Ruler confirmed on 23:00, 4 APRIL 2014.
Palace Location and Distortion undefined as of yet.
Will Continue Further Investigation At a Later Date.

"F̶͈̆i̶͇͛ņ̸͂ḑ̷̊...ansẅ̵̺ë̶́ͅrs.̵̝́.̵̲̄.̴̼̚ḣ̷̯e̴̳͊ȓ̸̞e̷̻͆.̴̲̓" He grabs me by my shoulders, pleads and begs, watery tears spilling from his bloodied eyes. Desperation is clear through the distortion in his voice. "F̴̺̾ree ̷͎̈ú̷̩s̷̰͝ ̸̱̾f̷̠̈́rom̶̳̾ ̷͗ͅy̴͎͛o̶̥̅u̶͓̕r̷̮̅ ̷̖̋f̶̦̀a̷̞̋t̸̹͛h̵̫̓ȅ̴͖r̵̬̓.̴̼̃ I b̸͋eg̷̩̽ ̶̹̓ẏ̵̜oǘ̶͍.̴̲̃"

I get his hands off me, leaving him to weep alone in his humiliation and fear. I read through both files. Futaba Sakura. Sojiro Sakura. Girl is his adopted daughter, according to the old man's file. The coffee shop he runs is named Leblanc, in the Yongen-Jaya district.

A coffee shop that sent out a pamphlet a few months ago, looking to hire a part-timer.

"You tell Niijima any of this happened, and I'll kill you," I tell Tsukioka, as I sit down beside him, and read through what details I can find in these files...

And then I look for another man with an S in his name.

.

.

.

Now. I love how I've written the Makoto/Kaz dynamic thus far and I hope y'all love it, too. For as much as Kaz won't admit it, Makoto's the person he needs the most right now - someone who can speak to him as an intellectual equal, while opposing every single one of his miserably toxic behaviors. And while Kaz is almost certainly no role model for Makoto, he is a person who inspires her to remain true to herself - the one person who helps her raise her self-esteem in a world that doesn't allow her to even have a shred of it.

Futaba Arc comin up next. Brace yourselves people, shit's about to get riveting. Some Black Mirror shit up ahead, and setups from 30+ chapters ago coming alive in ways you will have never imagined.