Rachel's relationship with Shelby Corcoran was, to put it politely, strained. Rachel and her birth mother never quite got over the emotional turmoil related to their initial reunion, and try as they might, that last request, to admire each other from afar, became the norm for their relationship. Since then, it had been a series of hits and misses (mostly misses), to the point that Facebook was their best method of staying in touch.
It helped a little, the fact that Shelby was in New York while Rachel's fathers were both in Lima, such that if Rachel ever felt the need to have some adult perspective, Shelby was available to talk to.
She hadn't yet, but if the day should come, she was sure Shelby would be in the list of people she would turn to.
On most days she felt... well, she would like to use the word ambivalent, when describing how she felt about her relationship with Shelby. Shelby was her mother, but not her mom, and she found that Shelby didn't hold her in any particular affectionate regard. After all, she'd once reasoned (but never dared say aloud), Shelby had chosen to walk away from her with every opportunity Rachel had given her to form a relationship. Shelby chose to coach Vocal Adrenaline to Nationals, after defeating New Directions at Regionals. Shelby moved to New York without telling her, that first time. Shelby moved back to Ohio only to coach a rival glee club, consisting of former members of New Directions who had defected to Shelby's club. And instead of helping Mr. Schuester out with New Directions once The Troubletones lost Sectionals, Shelby actually just left to move back to New York with hardly any preamble.
And now, with Jesse back in her life, Rachel was reminded of that very first meeting, realizing how tainted everything had been. Jesse didn't like to talk about it, but he had at least offered her some explanation to his part in it. Shelby had never extended her the same courtesy, and Rachel could admit to being afraid to ask, since they were at least friendly now and she was afraid that demanding answers would compel Shelby into walking away once more.
And she couldn't do that; not to Noah, who was at least trying to stay out of trouble because of his worry of what Beth would think of him, and certainly not to Quinn.
Quinn, who looked the happiest Rachel had ever seen her, and was currently engaged in what could possibly be the most riveting conversation between an Ivy League student and a toddler, while Rachel attempted a stilted conversation with her mother.
During one particular lull in the conversation, Rachel found herself observing Shelby, who was watching Beth with Quinn. Shelby Corcoran, whom Rachel first encountered from afar commanding her group of Nationally-ranked show choir through a Lady Gaga number, had a soft, unguarded expression and an affectionate gaze that Rachel couldn't help but envy. She envied that obvious affection not because she lacked it growing up - on the contrary her dads were a little too overly affectionate sometimes - but because she knew Shelby would never look upon her with such softness.
Jesse had told her that Shelby told him Rachel was her daughter only after they had met already - Jesse had thought she had told him to approach her as a recruiting method - and he'd wondered how someone so open and wore her heart on her sleeve could have the same DNA as someone so aloof and calculating. He respected Shelby, absolutely, but he'd admitted that he should have considered how his aloof and impersonal show choir director was likely to approach the thought of having a relationship with a daughter whose life she had missed sixteen years of.
There was a disconnect, no doubt, in how Rachel considered Shelby. The woman was her birth mother, a rival show choir director, Jesse's coach, and the woman who adopted Quinn and Noah's baby. It was hard to compartmentalize how Shelby Corcoran fit in her life, because deep down, everything could be overlooked simply because for all her faults and their stops and starts, this woman was her mother.
"How's NYADA?" Shelby asked, returning her attention to the dark-haired girl with her.
Rachel smiled wryly. "I'm dancing."
Shelby's brow furrowed, her expression showing her confusion.
"I'm working with one of the school's best dancers, and right now we're working with a dance troupe while they're preparing for a recital."
"Oh?" Shelby looked intrigued.
Rachel nodded.
Shelby gazed thoughtfully at her. "What made you decide to focus on dancing?"
"Oh, it's a whole... singing/dancing/acting ramp-up." Rachel assured her. "One of my professors told me I needed to work on my singing, which... I know!" Rachel nodded, seeing Shelby's skeptical expression. She softened her voice, glossing over the whole matter between that critique and how she ended up talking to Claire. "I attended an audition, which I was completely wrong for but they they told me my dancing really needed to improve."
"Why even bother attending an audition you were wrong for?" Shelby asked curiously.
"It was a thing." Rachel mumbled. Meeting the older woman's gaze, she admitted, "you don't want to know."
Shelby looked confused, but Rachel didn't elaborate and Shelby knew better than to press. She knew she didn't have the relationship with Rachel that would have earned her the right to ask further, and she knew Rachel well enough that when cornered, especially by someone who had hurt her in the past, the girl could lash out.
"I take it you've gotten over your, how did you put it, stressful relationship with Cassandra July?" Shelby asked.
Rachel gave a noncommittal shrug. In a way, yes, she and Ms. July had called a truce, since Cassie had given her a passing grade and Rachel couldn't really afford to harbor ill will, since Claire had told her that with Claire being one of Ms. July's favorites, it was likely the instructor would crash one of their rehearsals unannounced, and Ms. July liked to prey on the frightened and weak-willed... or the stubborn and obstinate, all of which Rachel could be on occasion.
"Well, it's always a good thing to master your craft," Shelby finally said. She glanced at Rachel. "Why didn't you ask me?"
Rachel was puzzled. "Ask you for what?"
"Help." Shelby answered succinctly. "If your professor tasked you with improvement, you know you could have asked me to help you."
Rachel wondered if there was any way to respond to that without the resulting confrontation ending in tears, likely hers.
Shelby smiled wryly, correctly interpreting Rachel's silence. "I'll take your silence as a response, I suppose."
"It's not..." Rachel began, before faltering and opting not to finish since she didn't really know what to say.
Shelby exhaled, acknowledging the fact that she and Rachel still had a long way to go in their relationship. As an olive branch, she offered, "well, maybe next time."
Rachel smiled weakly. She agreed with Quinn on the fact that she really needed to sit confront Shelby about the details of their initial meeting, and knew there were still a lot of things they needed to discuss, but today was about Beth, despite her minute, but still very real, residual feelings of resentment towards the toddler, and she had convinced Quinn that whatever it was Rachel and Shelby needed to talk about, it didn't have to be today.
Quinn looked up then, having heard and witnessed the exchange, and spoke up in an attempt to divert the conversation. "Rachel said you've set up a Broadway daycare?"
"And you're wondering what that means." Shelby concluded, well aware that not a lot of people would understand what her business entailed. Whereas when she'd told Rachel, the girl had laughed and admitted that it sounded right up Shelby's alley. As she explained the nature of her work with Quinn, Shelby noticed Rachel look down at her phone, which had begun to vibrate on the table.
She saw Rachel's expression fall, and she watched as Rachel took a deep breath, in what Shelby could only describe as gathering her courage, before Rachel made a quick apology as she excused herself from the table. Shelby turned to Quinn, who had also seen the whole thing, both of them disregarding the fact that if they had both been watching Rachel, then they hadn't been truly engaged in the conversation they had been having.
"Do you know what that's about?" Shelby asked.
Quinn shook her head. "She has a lot of things going on right now."
Shelby nodded, and paused. "Is she still dating that football player?"
"Finn?" Quinn clarified wearily, because God she really hoped not. "She hasn't said anything, but I don't think so. She was dating someone from NYADA until recently."
"What happened?" Shelby asked.
"You're going to have to ask Rachel," Quinn answered. She smiled at Beth, who had started waving her hands in a demand for attention. She glanced at Shelby. "In case I forget, I should say thank you, for, you know, this." She motioned to their table, indicating that they were having a civil get-together.
"Rachel can be very persuasive." Was Shelby's response, giving Quinn a faint smile. "She was very intent on making sure you got to spend time with Beth."
Quinn glanced back to where Rachel had gone, and saw Rachel on her phone, pacing the sidewalk outside the diner they were in. She turned back to Shelby. "Why won't you just tell her you want to spend more time with her?"
Shelby laughed lowly. "I think that ship's sailed, Quinn. I ruined any chance I had to develop any kind of relationship with Rachel when she was in high school, and I think we both can see she's not so willing to let me in this time."
"You're her mother, Shelby. She may not need you to be her mom, but that doesn't mean she doesn't think it would be nice if you both can try for more." Quinn pointed out. She sighed. "I know I'm overstepping, but," she motioned to Beth. "I know she doesn't need me, but I know I want to be in her life, even if I can't be her mom. I'll always feel like I can try to be more, but I don't ever want Beth to think I'm deliberately holding her at arm's length."
Shelby frowned. "Is that what Rachel thinks?"
Quinn gave her a skeptical glance. Really? The woman who actually said the words 'admire each other from afar' was going to pin the cause of her strained relationship with her daughter on Rachel?
Shelby, not an idiot, caught the glance. "I'm not saying it's Rachel's fault, just that I thought when we started talking to each other more, that we were getting better."
"Shelby, you had someone spy on her." Quinn reminded. "I know Jesse wasn't the obedient little soldier you thought he'd be when he first met Rachel, but you can't expect her to just forget that."
Shelby frowned. "What did Jesse tell her?"
"I don't know." Quinn admitted, with some resignation, while at the same time worried and curious about Shelby's response. She had mentioned Jesse to remind Shelby that it had been her own push-and-pull approach to Rachel that had caused their rift, but Shelby's reaction, that offensive/defensive tone she had used in asking what Jesse could have told Rachel, alarmed Quinn.
Shelby's reaction told her there was something for Jesse to tell, beyond just the espionage and subsequent sabotage.
Quinn inwardly bemoaned the fact that she was going home the next day, and Rachel had already scheduled their whole weekend together, which meant she would have to postpone any follow-up confrontations with Jesse St. James.
Not that she could do so on the sly next time, because when she had come clean to Rachel about her run-in with the guy had been met with a disapproving, if a little curious, shake of the head. Rachel insisted that she and Jesse needed to figure out their relationship on their own, and any outside interference, even one as well-meaning as Quinn's, probably wouldn't help. If it happened again, Rachel said, Quinn should tell her first.
Which defeated the entire purpose of confronting Jesse St. James, but whatever.
At the moment, Rachel returned to the table, and the smile she gave her brunch companions could only be described as forced. "Sorry about that. What are we talking about?"
"That looked like a tense phone call," Shelby commented. It wasn't prying, but she couldn't pretend not to have noticed Rachel's agitation during the call.
Rachel glanced at her, and reluctantly admitted, "That was Finn."
Shelby glanced quickly at Quinn, who stiffened at the mere mention of the former quarterback.
"What did he want?" Quinn asked, her irritation obvious.
Rachel shook her head. "It's not important."
"It was important enough for you to leave the table to take a call, which you usually don't do," Quinn highlighted.
Rachel frowned at her, because while she was pleased that Quinn knew her well enough to know that, it wasn't exactly the best situation to point that out, since Rachel didn't want to talk about the call and certainly not with Shelby right there.
Quinn's eyes widened when Rachel's frown was accompanied with a pointed glare, and hastened to change tactics. "Or, you know, that's obviously private." She turned to Beth, deciding that from the occupants of the table, the young girl was the best person to pay attention to.
Shelby's gaze flickered between the two younger girls, even as Quinn focused on Beth and Rachel turned her attention to... the table. She frowned. "Okay, what's going on? What am I missing?"
"Nothing." Quinn and Rachel said in unison, as if that wasn't the most obvious clue that there actually was something going on.
Shelby narrowed her eyes.
"I just..." Rachel, who never could turn down the opportunity to vent her emotions, blurted out. "I told him Quinn was going to be here this weekend, and that we were seeing you and Beth, but he still thought he could call and that I would answer, even if, like Quinn said, I try not to do that. He's been calling the whole week, he just keeps calling, asking about when he could come to New York, which, he should ask Kurt, since Kurt's his brother and we're not dating anymore. He keeps calling, and I had midterms, and lessons and rehearsals, as well as a lot of other things on my mind, so I can't just take his call every time he calls, and then he keeps asking the same set of questions - which he and I have already talked about, some even at length - like why isn't New Directions qualifying for Regionals, which is ridiculous, because they got disqualified, but I can't say that because it's not entirely his fault they all forgot that they were disqualified since it was actually announced that they were in last place and he wants to come to New York but where are we going to put him, since he can't be on my bed, he still has issues with Kurt being gay and maybe Kurt shouldn't have been so obvious with his crush when Glee Club started but they're brothers and that shouldn't matter but it does, and don't get me started on Santana; but of course let's forget all of that because why on Earth is my collegiate experience more important than the fact that a bunch of people, most of whom I don't even know, got disqualified from show choir sectionals. He keeps saying the same things, and do you know how many times he's asked about what's going on in my life? None. Because Santana told him there's someone named Andy and I told him he can't ever ask me about that, especially since he started talking about making up, and now I guess that's the only thing he wants to ask me about. You know what would be a polite thing to ask someone who can't take your calls because she has midterms? Oh, I don't know, maybe her midterms! I love him, I do, but he gets so... so... infuriating!"
Faced with that verbal wall of words, both Quinn and Shelby only stared at Rachel. Even Beth seemed to be amazed that someone could speak so much in a short amount of time, if her wide-eyed look at Rachel was anything to go by.
Rachel exhaled, and found herself a lot less agitated now that she'd gotten all of that out, a rant which had been an entire week in the making. Pendulum or not, she was just glad she had people she could talk to.
Even if Shelby was one of them.
Shelby recovered first. "Well, I... I don't really know what to say to all of that, but if you need it, just know you have somewhere you can stay."
Rachel, confused, glanced at Quinn.
Quinn shook her head, because was Rachel really that obtuse?
"With me," Shelby clarified, having seen the puzzled glance Rachel had given Quinn.
Rachel blinked, shaking off her stunned stupor. "I'm sorry, what?"
"If Finn comes, and you don't feel comfortable staying in the same apartment as him, you can stay with me." Shelby expounded. "It'll be closer to NYADA, too."
Rachel blinked once more, and turned to Quinn, as if to ask if the blonde was hearing the same thing she was.
Disappointed that Rachel was apparently that surprised that she would make such an honest offer, Shelby downplayed the earnestness behind her offer and said, "just something to consider."
Rachel looked at Shelby, and somehow managed to gather her wits enough to answer, "thank you."
It was the tiniest thing, but it was the closest they had ever gotten to being more than just strangers to each other.