Untouchable like a distant diamond sky
I'm reaching out
And I just can't tell you why
I'm caught up in you
I'm caught up in you
Untouchable
Burning brighter than the sun
And when you're close
I feel like coming undone
In the middle of the night
When I'm in this dream
It's like a million little stars
Spelling out your name
You gotta come on, come on
Say that we'll be together
Come on, come on
Little taste of heaven
-Untouchable, Taylor Swift
4. Conversations
Susan lay in her bed and stared up at the bottom of the bed above her. She had been awake for hours; she hadn't been able to fall asleep after her last nightmare. She had been lying awake for hours; soon it would be dawn.
They had been at sea for six days; most of their journey back to England was already behind them. Susan thought of the day of their departure; how they had gotten to the port, the loading luggage, the people boarding the ship. She thought of the ship itself; it was big and made of metal, with big chimneys that had smoke protruding from their tops, several decks, and portholes. She had only been on a ship like this once before—when they came to America. But the smell and the feeling of the sea were familiar to her, and she longed for it.
Susan closed her eyes and the image of the Splendor Hyaline floated behind her closed lids. The memory of the large wooden ship—on its one-leveled deck, silken sails, great stern lanterns, and the swan's head carved at her prow and the carved swan's wings coming back almost to her waist—made her long for the ocean again.
She opened her eyes and climbed out of her bed. She pulled on a pair of slippers and put on her heavy coat which had been hanging on a hook in the door. She turned the doorknob and slipped out of the room ever so silently as to not wake her cabin mates (they were four girls in the cabin, all around the same age; daughters of employees in the British Embassy and friends of Susan's parents, whose parents preferred to have a cabin of their own so they stuck their daughters together).
The soles of her slippers were so thin, she could almost feel the heavy carpeting of the hall under her feet. Once the door was closed behind her, she paced quickly towards the grand stairwell. The soft footfalls barely echoed off the metal walls, and she was able to escape the ship's corridors unnoticed. She climbed the stairs all the way to the main deck. She ignored the big glass doors that led to the first class dining room and continued to the metal door leading outside. She pushed down the lever and pushed the heavy door open.
The cold air of the early morning hours engulfed her and whipped her hair wildly. She breathed deeply, the freezing air filling her lungs. The cold burned slightly, but it was welcome pain, an awakening pain.
Susan closed the door behind her and walked to the edge of the ship. She leaned on the railing and looked out to the open ocean and the broad sky. The ocean was a deep blue now, so dark it was nearly black. The sky… they were the most beautiful combination of reds, oranges, pink streaks and many more fiery shades; so many it was tiring to try and count them all. The beauty of it all took her breath away.
"Good morning miss; strange meeting you here this early in the day."
Susan turned in surprise at the greeting. A young man, just a little older than her, stood a few paces away, smiling. He was tall and blond with strange dark-amber eyes. He wore white sailor's uniforms and a white sailor's cap. A sailor working on the first class level.
"My name is Leo, Leonard Martin ma'am." He took his hat off and bowed slightly. "Is there anything I can do for you this morning?"
Susan looked back out to the sea. The sun was just rising over the water line, making the fiery rays of light nearly blinding as they lit up the break of day. Even the ocean was gradually becoming a lighter blue.
"Where are you from, Leo?" she asked quietly.
The regal tone of her voice shocked him, and he was mesmerized by her smooth British accent and gentle beauty and grace.
"Kentucky, ma'am," he answered, bewildered.
"Kentucky…" Susan rolled the strange foreign name on her tongue. "What is it like?"
She listened as he described the open plains, forests and mountains, the quiet of the countryside, and the coalmines and railroads his brothers worked on.
"You love it…" Susan murmured when he finished.
"Yes," he answered, though her words were not a question.
"Then why did you leave?"
"Why did you?"
She glared back at him, horrified. He couldn't possibly know she had left Narnia.
Leo must have realized his mistake and apologize. "I am sorry if I have offended you; I only meant to ask you why you left your country—clearly you are from England."
Susan relaxed, along with her mind.
"I love my home and the people of my town. But even the wide fields and large mountains can become too small for some.
"I have always wanted to travel the world, see places.
"When I was fifteen, my uncle took me to the sea for the first time. I have been in love with it ever since." He paused, and a smile of pure bliss spread on his face. "Someday when I grow old I'll go back, find a wife, settle down. But for now I am a man of the sea. I hope to be a captain someday."
Silence fell and remained as the two watched the sun rise and light the world. Leo came to lean on the railing next to Susan.
"I did not choose to leave my home, I was made to," Susan murmured.
"Because of the war?"
Susan was pulled out of her trance. She had been thinking of Narnia, enveloped in the world of memories. Only when the man spoke did she realize they were, in fact, only fantasies. In this word, England was her home.
"I'm sorry, I should go." She spoke hurriedly and turned away quickly.
"Wait! Will I see you again?" he called after her.
The question remained hanging in the air, unanswered, as the door closed behind Susan.
When Susan's cabin mates woke up several hours later that morning, they found her sleeping peacefully in her bed. When Mrs. Pevensie came to bid her daughter good morning, she told the girls to leave her be, and let Susan sleep.
A cool breeze blew, and a chill shuddered through her spine. The breeze blew through the tall trees around her, and the leaves whooshed.
Susan walked, gazing in wonder at her surroundings. She took in all the sounds; birds chirping, flapping wings, buzzing, the whistle of the wind, flowing water…
She reached a clearing. In the middle of it stood a vast and branched tree in full blossom.
Suddenly, a great lion appeared from the bushes behind the tree.
Susan gasped. "Aslan!"
"Come hither, dear child."
Susan walked quickly to Aslan and got down on one knee before him. "I am unworthy of your presence," she mumbled. "I tried to push you and Narnia out of my mind and forget you."
"Yet you have been unsuccessful," he answered in his deep voice. "Rise, Susan the Gentle, Queen of Narnia."
She looked into the lion's eyes and gasped as she rose. His eyes were a deep amber, just like the eyes of the young man she had met earlier had been.
As if reading her mind, Aslan spoke, "Leo was a test; I needed to see that you truly love Narnia and its dwellers. He began walking and she followed along aside him. "Tell me, Susan, do you love King Caspian?"
"I—um…um…" she stuttered, blushing a bright red.
Aslan chuckled. "I suppose that's a yes."
Susan blushed even deeper, smiled shyly and nodded.
"Dear child, would you like to return to Narnia?"
Susan looked up at him in surprise. Her eyes were as big as two silvery-blue moons. "Y-yes!"
Aslan stopped and stood before her with a somber expression on his majestic feline face.
"Child, I cannot say that I am pleased with your behavior in your world, and I wish you would improve it and be strong for your sister and brothers, but there is another option. I could return you to Narnia, and Caspian, but you will have a heavy price to pay."
Susan's eyes shone with tears of excitement. "Anything, Aslan, I'll do anything to return to Narnia! Just tell me what it is that I have to do!"
Aslan sighed deeply. "Child, I fear this is an option you have already thought of, though you didn't know it could bring you back to Narnia."
"I don't understand."
"Continue as you have and, in time, you will. Though I must warn you Susan, this is a dangerous path, and one you cannot regret. If you go to Narnia this time, you will never return to this world [again]."
"What about Peter and Edmund and Lucy? What of my parents?" she asked, her voice suddenly filled with fear.
"I cannot promise you will see them again."
Susan bit her bottom lip and lines formed in her forehead.
"You may take some time to make your decision, but mind you, not too long, or I will not be able to guarantee that you will indeed return to king Caspian the Tenth's time."
Susan gawked at him, radiating pure fear.
"When you make your decision, I will know."
And with those last words, he turned and walked back into the forest.
"Wait, Aslan! What must I do?" she cried after him, but the great Lion was long gone, and her question remained unanswered.
Susan woke up.
AN: Wow! Longest chapter yet! What do you guys think? Questions? Assumptions?...