DISCLAIMER: I own nothing from the Naruto universe but I do have an imagination of my own.

Thinking

Biju, etc. speaking

Biju, etc. thinking

Emphasis

Naruto heard Sakura whining about already being a Genin, and something about having done this in the Academy. Interestingly enough Sasuke made an angry retort, too. She didn't remember that happening in her first lifetime, but it had been a long time ago, and already there were many obvious differences between her past and present timelines. They had to run laps this time before testing. Naruto was halfway through her first lap when Sai and his creepy smile caught up to her. When they completed their laps, neither were tired. As Sasuke and Sakura angrily caught up, nearly out of breath, Naruto could only wonder what would come next.

Tenzo had shown the pre-Genin his two bells. He informed the Academy graduates that in order to pass the final test to become Genin, they had to come after the two Jonin with the intent to kill them. The Mokuton user was more than a little surprised when it looked like all of them were just fine with that. What he found most worrying were Uzumaki-chan's predatory gleam and smirk.

Not Normal!

Just as a shiver of fear rushed through him, the blonde gave him a too-sweet smile and held up her small hand. Did he EVEN want to know what her question was? Hell no: she's scary! Kakashi-Taicho, however, allowed her to speak.

"No need to raise your hand like you're in a classroom, Naru-chan," he chastised the blonde.

"NARU-CHAN?" thought just over half the group. Apparently, Taicho was familiar with Uzumaki.

Interesting, Tenzo thought.

.

Naruto nearly immediately wiped the glare off her face at her husband's scolding. She batted her eyes slowly at both her superiors and began. "Forgive me for interrupting, Sensei, Taicho, but isn't Konoha's standard for a new team three Genin led by one Jonin-sensei? I would think that because of your ranks and thus skill-levels, it would be impossible for newly-minted graduates to pass your test without teamwork."

She was amused by the way Tenzo wilted slightly as her husband glared at her a bit but schooled her features. Naruto had planned this for a long time KNOWING that it would be the only way to get teamwork into the head of her old revenge-obsessed rival and his biggest fangirl. She figured Sai-kun had been informed of how the test worked: thanks to that frickin piece of crap, Danzo.

"I suppose my question is what will happen if we are able to take the bells, and why there are only two of them when at least three of us must pass in order to move forward in our shinobi careers?"

Sakura was dumbstruck.

Sasuke knew that the blonde was smart, so he figured she was right about the whole teamwork bullshit, and if she was, he'd have to play along for now.

Sai? The look on his face said nothing, but the ink-user nodded at Naruto in approval.

.

"Maa, maa, Naru-chan: what a big mouth you have," Kakashi said without a hint of what he was thinking. He narrowed his eyes at her, while she looked up at him with an expression of so much innocence that he KNEW for a fact she was bullshitting. Taking a deep breath, Kakashi pulled out his own pair of bells. Naru's eyes widened and he could almost see the gears turning in her head. He attached the bells to his waist, just as Tenzo had, and sighed. "Guess you'll just have to find out: go." Three graduates and an unranked ROOT member sat in confusion until he hit the alarm to begin the test.

They all tried to disappear at once.

It wasn't even a minute later that they heard Sasuke's howl.

.

Sasuke was in the ground up to his neck, freaking out! I didn't even see him move! Or get to a safe hiding place! Is this the difference between a Genin and Jonin? I have to get stronger to beat them! Suddenly the masked nightmare was in front of him, bending down before and punching him in the face. Sasuke saw black.

That'll teach you for trying what you did in the classroom, Kakashi thought before turning to the one who'd just outed herself.

Sakura saw the masked man punch her darling love and screamed. Kakashi was suddenly in front of her and she flinched back. He's even faster than Naruto was this morning! Kakashi-Taicho looked at her lazily and slumped a bit, finally saying, "Oh for fuck's sake, Haruno-chan." The next thing she saw was Sasuke dying in front of her. She never realized that she screamed - or that she was in a genjutsu.

.

Naruto met up with Sai, who didn't seem to be surprised at her appearance or sunshin. "How's it going?" Sai shrugged his shoulders. "We've gotta team up, right?" He nodded his head, staying aware of his surroundings. Naruto let out a giggle, then winked at him. "Better get moving, ne? Sounds like our teammates are already down! I'm going after Tenzo, wanna come?"

It sounds like Senpai has already put down half the team, which leaves me with the ROOT kid and Uzumaki… Just like that, they were both in front of him - but Kami if Uzumaki's big smile didn't both baffle and alarm the hell out of him.

"Oroike no Jutsu!" the blonde yelled, her smile only widening in absolute glee.

Between two nearly naked Uzumakis, Tenzo froze. This was not appropriate! Uzumaki pouted, making a very fake, cutesy sad sound. Her hands flew through seals, and now there were nearly-naked women surrounding him, all different looking and in different sizes… Thank Kami they have clouds around their privates. Realizing he'd landed on his butt, he staggered up to see the little blonde devil give him a frown and a thumbs down. "Boo!" she said as if he was disappointing her! A few more hand seals and he was surrounded by nearly naked men - men he knew! Genma, Gai: (oh gods no, not him!) Asuma, and more, including his senpai who only had on a mask.

This is a nightmare!

The original Naruto walked into her circle of henged clones that were crowded around her new sensei. "Still nothing?! You SUCK, Sensei," she said, shaking her head sorrowfully.

She did one more hand seal and Tenzo couldn't breathe!

Falling down between each man's legs was a long series of clouds. He passed out when his masked senpai's clouds further dropped all the way to the ground, making a THUD, and then rolled toward him.

Naruto reached down, cackling, and grabbed two bells. He'd reacted to the latest variation of her awesome jutsu just like Shikamaru had! Awesome. Those last two revisions of her first original jutsu could now safely be considered field-ready! She threw a bell to Sai. "Come on Sai, let's go! We've gotta help Pinkie and the Bastard against Kakashi-Taicho!"

"That was quite disturbing, Uzumaki-san," Sai stated as they ran together through the forest. She smiled back at him and nodded her head. He noticed an unconscious Uchiha in the ground and pointed it out to his blonde teammate. They stopped in front of the last Uchiha and checked their surroundings. "He has undoubtedly been hit with an earth jutsu: the Headhunter jutsu if I am not mistaken." Sai wondered why Uzumaki was smiling so happily.

"Well, let's dig the Bastard out," Naruto said easily. "Got anything to wake his stupid ass up with?"

Sai watched as multiple clones - no, shadow clones surrounded the Uchiha, now called "Bastard" and each began digging him out with a kunai. He shook himself out of his astonishment at the sight - he had not been informed of this chakra-intensive ability of hers - and unleashed his scroll. He waited for Uzumaki's look of shock at seeing inked snakes wrapping around the Uchiha's middle to assist in moving the Genin out of the dirt. Uzumaki only grinned at him, saying "Nice jutsu!" She then began smacking Bastard in the face repeatedly.

"Oi, Sasuke! You got taken down like a bitch! Wake your ass up, Bastard!"

"I'll kill you!" Sasuke began yelling as he thrashed upon waking. Naruto only rolled her eyes and thumped him on the head.

"How about later, Uchiha?" Or never! "Seriously, we've gotta get Taicho's bells if you and Sakura want to pass," Naruto said. Taking in her words, he stopped struggling in the weird snakes holding him and glared at the blonde. "What?" the blonde asked him blankly.

"You already have a bell?" Sasuke asked in shock.

The duo who had rescued him - and that was a disgusting realization - each held up a bell. The guy with the disgusting snakes was the one to speak next.

"We took these off of Tenzo-sensei. I believe that Kakashi-taicho will be a more difficult opponent. He's had a stellar career and is known as one of the most fearsome Elite Jonin in the village, the most prodigious of his generation," Sai said robotically. Naruto nodded her head, smiling like the idiot Sasuke knew she had been all those years ago.

He had to become a shinobi today; he had to be trained by the likes of his new Taicho: there were no other options! That Man had only spoken highly of four people that he remembered: his senpai, Hatake Kakashi, his older and idiotic cousin Shisui, the Sandaime, and… Sasuke shook his head ruefully at the truth - Uzumaki Naruto, the little blonde that used to spend so much time at the Compound when his family was alive. He hated her, but he also needed to get stronger in order to complete his goals.

As much as he was sickened by doing it, Sasuke nodded at the nobodies in front of him. He wouldn't let them get in his way. The three raced off to find Sakura and their team leaders.

Kakashi stood over his kohai, wondering what the hell had happened. Tenzo was unconscious, his bells long gone… "Seriously, Tenzo-kun… I am going to have to train your ass off again now, aren't I?" The older Jonin pulled smelling salts out of his vest and held them under Tenzo's nose. The younger Jonin came back into consciousness, crawling to his feet, and saying Kami only knows what about blonde nightmares while he continued repeating, "I've seen horrible things! Horrible things!"

Kakashi slapped him in the face. Tenzo took one look at him, looked down Kakashi's body, squealed, and nearly hit the dirt again. Kakashi sighed, trying not to laugh. "Tenzo... Maa, my cute little kohai: what happened to you?" Tenzo squeaked and ran away. Kakashi chased after him: they needed to complete the test and beat the younglings into submission!

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sai found Sakura first, passed out cold from Kami only knows what. "She doesn't have a scratch on her," the kunoichi said, looking confused. "Well, let's wake her up."

Sasuke and Sai, the two near-doppelgangers aside from each of their odd clothing choices, said as one: "Do we have to?" Sasuke scowled at Sai who never altered his creepy expression.

"Unfortunately," Naruto responded, slapping the pinkette's cheeks less harshly than she had recently done to the Uchiha.

"Oh, Sasuke…" Sakura sighed breathily. Her teammates took a step back in revulsion. Sasuke took a determined step forward again with a scowl and slapped her cheek more harshly. As soon as she looked at her crush she began crying. Naruto bopped her on the head to bring her back to the matter at hand. Sakura scowled at the blonde and rubbed her head, glaring at Naruto.

Naruto and Sai came up with a plan for what to do after they found their absent senseis while Sasuke and Sakura reluctantly agreed. They heard a noise from behind.

Sasuke immediately turned and breathed out a fire-jutsu while Sakura began throwing shuriken into the flames. They were immediately under overwhelming pressure from the Copy Ninja. Sakura tried to put him under a genjutsu but wasn't sure it worked. She thought that Sasuke might be attempting a genjutsu as well. Finally, the silver-haired man tripped for a moment, only to right himself again. The pre-Genin took off toward the middle of the training ground, Kakashi skipping almost happily behind them.

Bad Move, they soon realized.

There in the clearing was quite the spectacle. Tenzo-sensei was spouting what looked like wood out of one arm, while those weird ink creatures were both raining down and slithering up the man. Sai was drawing on something rapidly while Naruto was blowing such extremely intense dual wind attacks from her mouth and hands that they had to use chakra to keep from flying out of the training field.

Suddenly, they saw Kakashi-Taicho behind the pale, effeminate Sai kid, his fingers pointing forward in the Tiger seal. What did he mean by "One Thousand Years of Death"?

.

Naruto went flying through the air towards the lake. That damn Sai had substituted with her and now her asshole felt like she'd just pooped out a log - no! It felt like somehow she'd pooped IN a log! Just before landing in the lake, she made a ton of shadow clones.

.

Oh no - oh no, oh no: I didn't mean to do THAT to her, Kakashi thought, watching his wife sail away in the air screaming bloody murder, a victim of the second most terrifying Hatake-original jutsu. Tenzo was still fighting ink creatures, Kakashi noted, but the captain himself was in shock at what he'd done. Naruto's blonde hair suddenly filled his vision.

"Oi! Boss says no butt stuff! Maybe you want it but she just doesn't!" He took the punch that two of the clones threw at him at once; he deserved it. They poofed away, leaving one more behind.

"Look, maybe you can talk her into it later - she's a fun gal, after all. And I'm sure if you're the one into butt stuff you can talk her into doing whatever to ya!" She winked just before a kunai was thrown his way, going right through the saucy clone.

Kakashi tried to shake all of that off and out of his mind but saw something coming out of the lake that could forever haunt him. Just like in those vampire movies, his wife - his real, original, not-a-clone wife - bubbled up from the water on her back. She then raised up just like Dracula did from the coffin, her feet staying planted while the water and her standing-up-on-ends-hair pushed the rest of her body up.

Kami-sama: it's just like her mother. Kakashi sunshinned away as fast as he could over and over again around the training ground, then heard the timer go off. He hid behind a tree, noticing that Tenzo was wounded, but couldn't respond until he had a good look at his absolutely frightening little wife. Finally, he spotted her as her hair went down, as she trudged toward the others. He jogged forward to bandage up Tenzo-kun, afraid to even look at her.

The plan had been for Tenzo to speak, but Tenzo was panting on the ground, jacket sliced to pieces. Whether it was from the wind attacks Naruto used or the tanto he saw Sai putting away, he couldn't be sure, but he supposed this horrible team passed the test.

He kept his eyes off his wife but could feel her angry gaze - yikes. "Maa, only two of you have retrieved bells. You were required to each get one in order to…"

"Bullshit," Naruto replied angrily. "You didn't give us shit for instructions about that... This test was about teamwork and we used it, no matter how much Pinkie and The Brain didn't want to."

Kakashi was pretty sure his wife called him a few nasty names and definitely heard a comment about "masked anal-retentive" muttered under her breath, but couldn't be sure about of it because the fangirl and avenger were now yelling at her. He clapped his hands together, "THAT'S ENOUGH!"

"Uzumaki-chan and Sai-kun: your teamwork was commendable," Tenzo said, immediately resting his bandaged body on the grass again.

Kakashi continued. "Haruno and Uchiha-chan, you have a lot left to prove." He glared at them and felt some satisfaction as both brats' heads dropped in what he hoped was shame. "Teamwork will save your lives, as it's saved mine and my teams countless times. Do you know what that stone is?" Naruto and Sai nodded, sitting up to pay more attention as he told the story of the nearby Memorial Stone, and how so many precious to him, including his entire Genin team, was on it. Seeing Naruto's tears, he felt that maybe - just maybe someone understood him a bit.

"...Those who break the rules are trash, but those who abandon their friends are worse than trash."

.

Her husband went on a little longer before dismissing them, but Naruto was overwhelmed at both his losses once again, and her ever-growing feelings for him. She watched him pick up "Tenzo-sensei" and take off toward either the hospital or Hokage Tower. Everything he just said filled her mind with images of all those she'd lost during her first life. The tears came freely. Eventually, she dried her eyes with her hands and looked back up to find a glaring Uchiha.

"Uzumaki, I need to speak with you." Sasuke turned, expecting that she would follow. The idiot was just sitting there, looking confused. "Now. Come with me."

Naruto stood up, wondering what the Bastard's problem was now. She never would have guessed what he would actually say, or what would happen next.

Sai thought about Uzumaki's use of nicknames as he sat in his room making a coded report to Lord Danzo. Pinkie and Bastard were very appropriate nicknames, indeed. Was having a nickname a sign of friendship or camaraderie? Part of the "teamwork" he needed to work within? If so, he would like one of his own, however, one couldn't be sure if he was correct in his assumption.

He headed to the shinobi library to see if more information was available on the subject.