DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters is the intellectual property of others. Some characters used in the writing of this fic belong to PLL. Events that transpire, will transpire and have transpired in this story are entirely of my own creation.
Okay… so before anything else, I would just like to say that your reviews regarding the previous chapter were seriously amazing. Thank you. I do want to update this story as often as I can. Like everyday. LOL. But I have a seriously toxic work schedule outside of this fic and I'm trying hard to deliver a new chapter each week. As readers I know it sucks waiting for a new chapter… but as the author of this fic it's frustrating for me because all I want to do is keep on writing but because of work… I can't.
Next… I'm giving you guys a heads-up… don't hate me. But after this chapter, I'm going to go on another 1 week break due to another mini time jump in the story. The next two chapters after this will mark the end of Part I though, so after Chapter 10 of Part I, Part II begins…
Nae10 and jme2887... Thanks for the PM.
PART ONE: "Mutantur Omnia Nos Et Mutamur In Illis"
~ All things change, and we change with them. ~
CHAPTER EIGHT
Nine Years Ago…
Logan – 35
Jai – 8
Logan Hayes sat behind the wooden desk in his study, staring blankly at the framed awards and recognition lining the walls of the room. At thirty and five he prided himself with being one of the most gifted and brilliant of doctors in his field of expertise, able to diagnose and treat illnesses at its early stages. He was at the top of his game and that made him arrogant. Blind to what was staring him right in the face until it was too late. His grip tightened on the glass of scotch he was holding in his hand when his eyes drifted to the framed photograph on his desk. It was taken a few years ago, at a time when he felt he was living the perfect life. He stared at the beaming faces of his daughters before focusing on his wife's and felt a sudden wave of remorse. His wife was smiling but her eyes looked distant. Empty. He should've known something was wrong back then. Maybe this wouldn't have happened if he did. He looked up when he heard a soft knock on the door and realized he was sitting in the dark, the moonlight streaming in from the windows his only source of light.
"Daddy?" Logan sat up straight in his chair when he heard his eldest daughter's voice from the other side of the door. He couldn't afford to let his daughters see him fall apart. They need him to be strong. Especially Jasmine.
"The door's open, kiddo. Come in." Logan called out. He felt a smile tug at the corners of his mouth when he saw his eight-year-old daughter enter the room in her Sesame Street pajamas. The ones her mother bought her when she was five. The clothes barely fit his daughter now. Jasmine was growing up so fast that the pajama bottoms barely covered her ankles and the hem of the pajama top barely covered his daughter's stomach. He opened his arms when Jasmine walked over to him and enveloped his daughter in a comforting hug. "What's wrong?" He asked as he moved to let the girl sit on his lap and studied his daughter closely. Jasmine was the spitting image of her mother and he fought the urge to breakdown as his daughter looked at him with innocent, bleary eyes.
Jai rubbed her eyes sleepily. "I dreamt of mommy again." She admitted quietly.
Logan swallowed hard and kissed the side of Jai's head before speaking. "Were you scared?" He asked softly.
Jai shook her head adamantly. "No. Just really sad." She answered, fidgeting with the hem of her top. "I'm sorry I couldn't save mommy." Jai whispered, tears of shame falling from her eyes.
"Oh kiddo what happened wasn't your fault." Logan began, pulling his daughter closer to him. "There was nothing you could've done. Mommy was really sick. It wasn't your fault." He repeated, starting to rock his daughter back and forth as the girl wept in his arms again.
"I won't let it happen again." Jai said when she finally stopped crying. "I promise I won't let anything happen to you or Kayla. I'll take good care of you two." She vowed resolutely. "I won't be helpless again."
Present Day…
"My daughter Jasmine... Jai as most of you fondly call her, learned of responsibility and maturity at the young age of eight." Logan said as he began his eulogy. "I remember the last time she sat on my lap like it was just yesterday." He continued, smiling forlornly. "Her mother... my wife, just died and Jasmine was so consumed with guilt because she believed that she could've done something to stop the tragedy. The last time she sat on my lap was the last time she acted like a kid. After that night she forced herself to grow up so she could take care of me and Kayla." He said as he fought to maintain his composure. "Jasmine stopped being a kid nine years ago. She stopped playing outside with kids her age and instead threw herself into her studies and to being a good sister and daughter. She became compassionate... doing what she can to help others who weren't as fortunate as her. She didn't want to feel helpless again so she pushed herself to be someone who could do something that could change lives for the better. Jasmine had all these big dreams for her future... none of which could ever come true now that she's gone."
Logan looked at the huge crowd gathered around his daughter's casket before he continued. "Jasmine. You will be missed." He uttered, covering his mouth with his hand as he held back his tears. "You have touched, inspired and changed several lives in the short amount of time that you were here with us. We will never forget." He promised, wiping the tears in his eyes. "I'm proud of you kiddo. For raising Kayla and taking care of us. Daddy loves you so much."
Emily wiped the tears from her eyes and averted her gaze from Logan as Jai's father continued to deliver his eulogy. She looked around her and somehow felt comforted when she saw the number of people who came to her girlfriend's funeral. Although she still refused to say goodbye and believe that Jai is really dead, Logan was right. Jai has touched, inspired and changed the lives of the people gathered here today. But not one of them knew Jasmine Hayes like she did. Except for one. There was only one other person who knew her girlfriend's story. Her eyes slowly scanned the crowd for the girl who convinced her to show up today but she couldn't find Jai's best friend anywhere. Emily felt cheated. Paige told her to set aside her belief that Jai is still alive and attend the funeral to show her support to the Hayes but the girl couldn't bring herself to show up. She clenched her fists in anger. Where the hell is Paige?
Nine Years Ago…
Kayla – 7
Jai – 8
Michaela Hayes sat cross-legged in the middle of her bed, her complete attention focused on the wall in front of her as she watched the second hand of the clock tick away endlessly. She forced herself to watch the clock and think about nothing else as the object slowly counted the minutes until she had to go downstairs to go with her father and sister to their mother's funeral. She didn't realize she was crying until her vision of the wall clock blurred and she choked back a sob, unable to stop the tears from falling. She wiped her cheeks when she heard a soft knock on her door, followed by the sound of its opening and closing, telling her someone was in the room with her. When she saw that it was Jai, she hastily wiped the remaining tears in her eyes with the sleeve of the black dress she was wearing. She didn't want her sister to see her crying.
"I thought I'd check in on you." Jai explained as she slowly approached her sister with her hands behind her. "It's almost time." She added.
"Where will mommy go?" Kayla asked in a small voice as her sister sat next to her.
"Some place better." Jai answered reassuringly, gently brushing Kayla's long hair with her fingers while still keeping one hand behind her. "Somewhere that doesn't hurt."
"Can I come with her?" Kayla inquired, gazing sadly at the photo of her and their mother on her bedside table. "I don't want to be here. It hurts without mommy and I don't want her to be alone wherever she's going." She admitted as she fought back her tears. Between her and Jai, her sister has always been closer to their father and with their mother gone, she couldn't help but feel like she didn't have anyone anymore.
"She's not alone." Jai told her sister comfortingly. "I'm sure of it. Mommy is really good at making people laugh. That's why you two got along so well. She's going to make plenty of friends there in no time." When Kayla didn't say anything, she continued. "Besides, do you want to leave me and daddy too? Who would make us laugh? We need you here."
"I'm sorry. I just miss mommy already." Kayla confessed, unable to hold back her tears this time. "Damn it!" She exclaimed suddenly, angrily wiping the tears away. "I promised I wasn't going to cry anymore."
"Hey. What did mommy tell you about cursing?" Jai gently reprimanded the sobbing girl. She placed on Kayla's bed the object she was holding in her other hand before she moved to hug her sister. "Come here. It's perfectly okay to cry. I'm right here. Just let it out. I'm not going anywhere." She whispered soothingly, cradling Kayla's head as the girl finally wept in her arms.
When Kayla's tears finally subsided, Jai let her sister move into a more comfortable position before she decided to show the girl the thing she brought with her.
"I have something for you. But I won't let you have it unless you promise me that you will never curse again. Mommy doesn't want to hear those kinds of words coming out of your mouth." Jai reminded her sister as she picked up the object from the girl's bed. "Deal?"
Kayla stared at the thing Jai was holding, her curiosity getting the better of her. "Deal." She repeated hoarsely, wiping the remaining tears in her eyes and extending her hand towards her sister.
"My friends at Girard were reading this and I thought I'd see what the fuss was about so I bought one. I thought about it today and decided to give it to you." Jai explained, handing Kayla a gift-wrapped thin, rectangular object with a yellow bow on top. "Maybe it could take your mind off a little about today."
"What's this?" Kayla asked as she took the present and stared at it, looking at Jai curiously.
"Open it." Jai said encouragingly.
Kayla eagerly began to unwrap the gift and smiled when she saw the comic book. She opened the material gently and touched the glossy paper, admiring the colorful drawings in each page. She closed the comic book and studied the cover before looking at her sister again. "The Amazing Spider-Man?" She said wryly.
Jai shrugged. "That's what they were reading so I bought it. But the store I went to had lots more. It's a store full of superheroes." She revealed, smiling faintly. "I could take you there some other time if you like. We could spend the entire day looking for other superheroes."
Kayla nodded. "I'd like that. But why are you giving me this? Today?" She asked, looking at the comic book she was holding in her hands.
"Well superheroes somehow have this uncanny ability to tell when something is wrong. Take for example Peter Parker as Spider-Man. He has a spidey sense as he liked to call it. He can always tell when there's trouble. And he does everything he can to come to the rescue." Jai explained, looking at her sister earnestly. "I wanted to take your mind off mommy's funeral today. Even if it's just for a few minutes. But I also want you to believe that superheroes don't just exist in comic books. Sometimes they can exist in real life too. They don't need to have superpowers to come to your rescue." She continued, giving her sister a faint smile. "So I guess what I'm trying to say is... I'll try to be your superhero little sis. If you want me to. I promise I'll always be here for you now that mommy's gone."
Present Day…
"I could collect all the comic books out there and endlessly praise Stan Lee for his imagination. But Jasmine will always be my real hero." Kayla began, smiling sadly. "I just turned seven when our mom... when she... passed away. I have always been a mommy's girl so losing her... it was really hard for me. On the day of her funeral, Jai came to my room and gave me my first ever comic book. The Amazing Spider-Man." She added, swallowing hard as she proudly showed the crowd the comic book Jai gave her nine years ago. "When I asked why she was giving it to me she said she wanted to take my mind off our mom's funeral even if it's just for a few minutes. And that she wanted me to start believing in superheroes. That although these characters merely exist in the world of fiction, ordinary people can be superheroes in real life without having superpowers."
Kayla cleared her throat, trying to compose herself before she continued her eulogy. "I didn't understand it then. What she was asking of me when she promised that she will always be there for me. Like those superheroes in those comic books. They would know when something was wrong and they would come to the rescue whatever it takes. I thought Jai was crazy to think that she could be a superhero when she was just a year older than me. I didn't take her seriously because I thought she was saying all those things, making all those empty promises to me just because we were mourning. But Jai did it." She admitted, laughing lightly. "Faith. That was what my sister wanted to teach me that day. She wanted me to start having faith in people. To see the best in them. She didn't want me to grow up cynical because of what happened and she did that by asking me to have faith in her." She revealed quietly. "Ever since that moment I don't remember a day that Jai wasn't there for me. She became a real life superhero to me. Just like she promised."
"But unlike those superheroes in comic books where they can come back from the dead and exist in another reality or lifetime, my sister is gone for good." Kayla reminded herself and the crowd, letting her tears fall. "I guess it's my turn now to try and be a superhero to someone. You taught me to have faith, Jai. Not just in you, but in myself as well. So you can rest easy. Wherever you are. I'll take care of dad. For you and mom." Kayla promised. "Tell mom I miss her everyday. I love you both so much."
Emily looked around her once again as Kayla finished delivering her eulogy, wondering where Jai's best friend went. She hasn't seen Paige since they left her house in separate vehicles earlier and she was starting to get the feeling that the girl bailed on her and the Hayes after convincing her to show up for the funeral. She wanted to hear Paige's eulogy first before she gave hers but for some reason the girl who considered herself as Jai's best friend was nowhere to be found.
"Em, what's wrong?" Spencer asked from beside the girl when she noticed her friend's restlessness. "Are you okay?"
"Where's Paige?" Emily asked, not answering her friend's question. "She's supposed to be here. Have you seen her?"
Spencer shook her head and looked around them as well. "Have either of you seen Paige?" She asked Aria and Hanna who were standing behind them.
"No." Aria and Hanna answered at the same time. "She was following us in her dad's car when we left your house." Aria reminded Emily but her friend didn't seem to hear her.
"She's supposed to be here. She's Jai's best friend." Emily said to herself. "Why isn't she here?" She asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest to comfort herself. "They're supposed to be friends. Jai deserves better." Emily whispered, starting to get really furious at Paige.
Four Years Ago…
Emily – 13
Jai – 13
Emily Fields breathed a huge sigh of relief once she got to her locker, grateful that the first day of high school is officially over. She couldn't remember the last time she had a day worse than this day and she just wanted to get her stuff and go home, praying tomorrow things will be a bit better. She was actually looking forward to spending time with her friends after school but Spencer had hockey practice, Hanna left early when her dad showed up and Aria had to get home early to start dinner for her and her brother since their parents were getting home late. Emily was about to open her locker when someone tapped her on the shoulder urgently and she turned around to see who it was. She was surprised to see a gorgeous girl who was probably a couple of inches taller than her looking at her worriedly.
"Oh my god where have you been?!" The girl exclaimed like she had been looking for Emily all over school for some time now.
"Excuse me?" Emily asked, puzzled. She had no idea who the girl is and chances are the girl probably mistook her for somebody else.
"Where have you been?" The girl repeated. "Coz I've been looking for you my entire life." She continued, visibly cringing the moment those words left her lips. "I swear that sounded so much better in my head earlier. I'm sorry." The girl said, giving Emily a charming smile. "It's just that I've been trying to find a way to come up to you and..."
"That's what you came up with?" Emily interjected, laughing for what felt like the first time that day.
"At least I made you laugh." The girl observed, giving Emily a charming smile again. "I say that's mission accomplished. I'm Jasmine Hayes. Jai for short." The girl said, extending a hand for Emily to shake as she introduced herself. "New to Rosewood High and the town of Rosewood itself. Basically I'm the new kid." She added.
"Emily Fields." Emily said, introducing herself as she shook Jai's hand.
"So I know what I used back there was probably the lamest pickup line ever but... you have to admit you laughed." Jai said, leaning against the wall of lockers to face Emily.
"I did." Emily said, opening her locker to return her books. "But don't let it get to your head. It wasn't that funny. I just have a pretty shallow sense of humor." She added, giving Jai a wry smile.
Jai exhaled, relieved. "Oh thank god. I can't tell a joke even if my life depended on it." She confessed, smiling at the girl teasingly. "So do you have plans right now?" Jai blurted out suddenly, making Emily laugh again. "I'm sorry. I'm really not used to asking someone out." She admitted sheepishly.
"Well you're in luck. Turns out I have the afternoon free. What do you have in mind?" Emily asked, amused by the girl's forwardness.
"Coffee. Or pizza. Your choice." Jai offered.
"Pizza." Emily answered. "No more caffeine for me today." She added, expecting the girl to understand. For some reason she had this feeling that Jai was more than just a pretty face.
Jai nodded. "Got it. Well since I'm new in town maybe we could take the long way going to the pizza place. Show me around first?" She asked as she watched Emily get a couple of books from her locker before closing it. "Unless you have homework. I totally understand." She said hurriedly.
Emily smiled. "It's the first day of school. The only homework I have is a reading assignment and I'm in no hurry to hit the books. Come on. I'll show you around town. Then take you to the best pizza place here in Rosewood." She said as she moved to head outside the school.
Jai followed after Emily and hurriedly went ahead of the girl so she could get to the door first. "After you." She said as she pulled open the door, making Emily smile. "So what's your favorite pizza? Mine's Hawaiian. I love pineapples." She admitted, trying to make conversation as Emily led the way outside of the school grounds.
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Emily subtly glanced downward and tried to hide her smile when she saw her hand in Jai's. The two of them have been going out for weeks now and although she was still getting used to the whole holding hands while walking thing, she couldn't deny the fact that she really liked the girl. Of course there were other girls who were trying to court her but none of them were Jai. Apart from the fact that the girl was definitely easy on the eye, there was just something about Jai that made her feel safe. They've been going out for weeks now. Probably even more than a month. And all that time her friends have been asking her nonstop whether Jai is her girlfriend and she didn't know what to tell them. As they continued to walk hand in hand down the streets of Rosewood, Emily was trying to find the courage to ask that question herself when Jai spoke up first.
"So I know this is going to sound completely out of the blue but... when I asked you about it a few days ago you told me that the last time you went trick or treating was when you were eight." Jai began, glancing at Emily and giving the girl a mysterious smile.
Emily nodded. "Yeah." She answered slowly, wondering what the girl was up to. "It just wasn't the same with my dad being stationed in Afghanistan. My mom made my costumes but my dad always took me and my friends trick or treating. Then he'd treat us to ice cream before he took us home." She revealed, smiling at the memory.
"I know the feeling. My mom always took me and Kayla trick or treating around our neighborhood back in Philly. I'm a daddy's girl myself but trick or treating was the one tradition I love doing with my mom." Jai admitted, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I was eight when she passed away and I just stopped participating in that tradition. Like you said. It just wasn't the same."
"I'm sorry." Emily uttered. This was the first time she was hearing about Jai's life in Philadelphia and she heard the pain in the girl's voice.
Jai shook her head. "It's fine." She said reassuringly. "I just brought up the whole trick or treat tradition because I kinda miss it." She explained. "So I was thinking tonight maybe we could give it one last try. Just for old times' sake. Let's go trick or treating." Jai suggested eagerly.
"Now?" Emily asked, laughing at the girl's enthusiasm. When Jai nodded, she continued. "Uh, okay. Not to burst your bubble or anything but I'm pretty sure tomorrow is when you really go trick or treating." She reminded the girl lightly.
"I know. But tomorrow night all the kids will be roaming the streets and they're going to hog all the candy. So I thought tonight we should go trick or treating first." Jai explained, grinning at Emily.
"Do they even have candy yet?" Emily asked dubiously, confused as to why Jai seemed dead set on going on a spur of the moment trick or treating tonight.
"Why don't we try?" Jai suggested, giving Emily a mysterious smile again. "We'll never know until we try, right?"
"But we don't have costumes." Emily reminded the girl, finally giving in to Jai's enthusiasm.
Jai squeezed Emily's hand reassuringly and led the way to a store they were nearing. "Let me take care of that." She said, opening the door and gesturing for Emily to go inside the costume shop first.
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"I have to admit. That was fun." Emily said as she entered her house through the kitchen door a few hours later, followed close behind by Jai. She placed on the kitchen countertop the bag full of goodies she got from all the houses they visited earlier before turning around to face Jai. "I know we probably looked silly. Walking around dressed like we just came out of a portal from the medieval times but I don't mind. I forgot how much fun I had doing this." She admitted, taking off the headdress she was wearing that went with her green gown and placing it beside the goody bag on the countertop.
"Well I for one think I should've worn a more comfortable costume than this." Jai confessed as she tried to move around in the knight's armor she was wearing. She took off the close helmet of her costume and took a deep breath while running a hand through her hair, placing the head gear on the countertop as she tried to sit on the chair Emily offered her. "Yeah I think I better stand." She said, laughing with the girl when the armor refused to bend when she tried to sit. "I think at one point I almost poked someone's eyes out with this fake sword when I took it out." She added, pointing to the object strapped to the side of the armor.
"Yeah next time you might want to think twice before brandishing that thing." Emily admonished teasingly.
Jai shrugged. "I was hoping to impress you. Maybe slay a dragon along the way." She added, making Emily laugh again.
"You took this medieval thing way too seriously but I'll let it pass. That costume suits you." Emily said when she finally stopped laughing and had the chance to study Jai. "You look hot." She admitted.
"I feel hot." Jai corrected. "It's like this armor has thermal insulators inside it." She added, trying to look inside the suit to no avail.
"No. I mean, you look hot. In your costume. You look hot." Emily repeated, blushing. It was the first time she actually said it out loud and she felt shy for some reason.
Jai grinned. "Thank you. And you look amazing by the way." She said, moving to take the girl's hand in hers. "Milady." She added before kissing the back of Emily's hand. "I think it's time we checked out the candies we got." She suggested, letting go of Emily's hand when she saw the girl's cheeks flush.
Emily nodded and spilled the contents of her goody bag on the countertop together with Jai's, smiling when she saw the assortment of candies they got. "Some things never change." She said wryly when she saw the usual candies she got when she was a kid. She furrowed her brows when she noticed something different. "This one has my name written on it." She observed, picking up what she assumed was a chocolate bar since the candy was wrapped in gold-colored paper. She turned the bar over and over in her hands, letting her fingers graze the letters of her name which was written elegantly on the gold surface of each side. She looked at the pile of candies and decided to separate the ones with a similar wrapping, ending up with five bars in her hand.
"Maybe they're trying to tell you something." Jai suggested, the mysterious smile back on her lips.
Emily gave the girl a confused smile but decided to place the five bars on the countertop, arranging the words quickly and laughing in delight when she finally figured out what it said.
Emily Fields, be my girlfriend?
"Jai." Emily uttered, looking up at the girl eagerly.
Jai moved to take Emily's hands in hers and took a deep breath before speaking. "I really like you Em." She admitted earnestly. "A lot."
"I like you too." Emily confessed, smiling at Jai.
"I know we've been going out for almost a month now and I've been trying to find a way to ask you to be my girlfriend." Jai continued. "You're really special. And I think just asking you out of the blue isn't enough so I decided to ask the help of the people whose houses we went trick or treating at. I've never felt this way about anyone before. I've liked you the moment I laid eyes on you. And I just want to be able to take care of you. So... will you be my girl?" She asked hopefully, handing Emily the last chocolate bar she was hiding in her goody bag.
Emily took the familiar gold-colored bar and saw the writing on either side of it. Without hesitation, she faced towards Jai the side with the word 'YES' scrawled across the surface and laughed when Jai's eyes widened once the girl saw her answer. Moving forward, she wrapped her arms around Jai's neck.
"Took you long enough." Emily said teasingly as Jai wrapped her arms around Emily's waist. "Yes, Jasmine Hayes. I would love to be your girl." She whispered and eagerly met Jai's lips with hers, feeling an overwhelming sense of security that she was with someone as put together and amazing as Jasmine Hayes.
Present Day…
Emily cleared her throat, trying to compose herself as she prepared to deliver her eulogy. She took a deep breath and looked around the huge crowd, her eyes settling on Kayla and Logan before she began speaking.
"Kayla's right. About Jai being a real life superhero." Emily said, smiling at Jai's younger sister. "I will never forget the day we first met. I was having a really bad day. It was the first day of our freshman year and it was just one of those days where everything seemed to go wrong so I couldn't wait to get home. I was about to return some of my books in my locker when someone tapped me on the shoulder urgently. When I turned around I saw this beautiful, tall girl looking panicked. Then she said, 'Oh my god where have you been?'" She recounted, smiling sadly when she remembered the first words her girlfriend said to her. "For a while I was confused. I didn't know her. So I said, 'Excuse me?' And then she said it again. She said, 'Where have you been? Coz I've been looking for you my entire life.'" She finished, unable to stop her tears from falling.
"I know. I know." Emily said, managing to laugh a little with the crowd through her tears. "It was probably the lamest, cheesiest pickup line you could ever hear. But she made me smile. And from that day forward she has always made me smile." She said quietly. "We've been together for more than three years but early into our relationship we were making all these plans for our future already. I didn't mind though. Because that's one of the reasons why I love her so much. Jai's the type of person who wasn't afraid to dream big. When I met her she already had everything planned out. At thirteen she knew what she wanted out of life and how she was going to reach her dreams." She revealed proudly. "Having her in my life inspired me to do the same. To start making plans for my future not just a year or two from now but in the long run. That's why she went to London in the first place. Because it was part of our plan. Of her dream of becoming a world-renowned doctor years from now. For years we dreamed of a future together but those dreams took her away from me instead. This. This wasn't part of the plan. And now I'm supposed to keep dreaming for the both of us. But I don't know how. Right now all I could think about is that I just want her back." She admitted helplessly. "Jai. I miss you so much." Emily uttered, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she tried to comfort herself. "I miss you, love." She whispered brokenly.
Paige miserably watched the funeral from afar, her fists clenched at her sides as she tried to control the anger she felt. She didn't know why she was angry. Who she was angry at. She just felt angry about everything. She gazed at the people crowded around her best friend's casket and felt her chest tighten. She continued to stare at everyone, her eyes not quite meeting anyone's until she felt Emily's eyes on her. The girl was done delivering her eulogy and on her way back to her friends, Emily spotted her trying to hide behind a tree. Paige reluctantly held the girl's gaze, refusing to apologize for not joining them. She felt horrible. More than anything, right now all she wanted was to be by Emily's side but she couldn't bring herself to walk towards the girl. It felt wrong to be at her best friend's funeral while standing beside Jai's girlfriend, the girl she wished was hers. She looked away, ashamed at the thought that just crossed her mind. Placing her hands inside the pockets of her sweatshirt, she shook her head firmly when she looked at Emily again and saw that the girl was about to walk towards her. Looking one last time at the people gathered to say goodbye to Jai, she turned her back to the funeral, to her best friend and to Emily, breaking into a run to get as far away from the cemetery as possible. She tried to shut everything out but her feet weren't fast enough to let her escape the memories, reminded that she never wanted to be friends with Jasmine Hayes in the first place.
Seven Years Ago…
Paige – 10… 11
Jai – 10
Paige McCullers stared at the daunting door in front of her, dreading stepping inside the room and meeting the person behind it. She didn't understand why she had to transfer to a different room when the school year was almost over. She didn't understand what the big deal was. Might as well get it over with. Fixing the strap of her bag on her left shoulder, she sighed and knocked on the door, waiting to be let in. When the person inside the room told her to come in, Paige slowly opened the door and peered inside the room, trying to get used to the new surroundings.
"Hi." A tall girl with strong features said in greeting as she stood up from the chair she was occupying on her study table. "You must be Paige. I'm Jasmine. Jai for short. I'm going to be your new roommate." The girl explained, walking towards Paige eagerly.
"Obviously." Paige shot back sarcastically, still bitter about the sudden transfer. "Sorry." She said hurriedly when she realized that she was being mean to someone whose only fault was that she didn't have a roommate around the same time that the school board deliberated that Paige and her old roommate needed to transfer to separate rooms.
Jai shook her head. "It's fine. I know you don't like the sudden change. You and your old roommate were pretty close." She said understandingly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Paige asked defensively.
"Nothing. I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound malicious or anything. I'm just trying to say that I understand. Why you're reluctant to change roommates so suddenly. I get it." Jai said reassuringly.
Paige scoffed. "I doubt that." She retorted.
"I do. I'm like you." Jai revealed, giving Paige a knowing smile.
"Again. I doubt that." Paige stated, starting to get irritated.
"Paige I got your back. I know we just met and you don't have any reason to trust me. But if you need my help. You know... with that whole roommate situation thing of yours. I got your back." Jai repeated, smiling earnestly.
"You shouldn't believe what you hear." Paige said bitterly. "You don't know anything. People talk but they don't know the whole story."
"I don't really listen to the gossip. I just see you two around here. You look good together." Jai admitted.
"We're just friends." Paige insisted. "Why won't anyone just accept that instead of making up and spreading these stupid stories and getting us in trouble?!" She exclaimed, stressed out with having to convince people that she and her roommate weren't trying to hide anything despite everything being true.
"Because you two behave otherwise when you think no one is looking." Jai revealed.
"Do you have proof of that?" Paige challenged, getting annoyed with Jai's smugness.
Jai grinned. "Well I was passing by the archives room on my way to the history section of the library last week when I heard this noise. I went over to check what it was and..."
"I don't like you." Paige interjected, stopping Jai from recounting everything that she witnessed in the library.
"You say that now. But I tend to grow on people. You'll see. I'll grow on you one day." Jai declared matter-of-factly.
"God I hope not." Paige muttered under her breath as she walked past Jai to get to her side of the room.
88888
"This is useless." Paige exclaimed as she slammed her pen on her study table, frustrated that she can't seem to understand anything in her notes when it was supposed to be simple math.
"What's wrong?" Jai asked, looking up from the Science book she was reading on her bed. She stood up and walked over to Paige's side of the room to see what was bothering the girl. "Maybe I can help." She offered.
"Jai it's fine. You've done enough." Paige said, refusing to let Jai see her homework. She didn't want the girl to help her more than she already had.
"Come on. Let me see it." Jai insisted, managing to grab a piece of the paper Paige was trying to hide from her but the girl wouldn't let it go. "Paige I told you it's fine. Let me help." She coaxed.
Paige sighed, contemplating what to do. She really needed to finish her Math homework or she won't be able to start her reading assignment in English. She finally relaxed her grip on the piece of paper she was holding and gave it to Jai. "I'm not stupid." She said quietly. "At least not until recently." She added as she watched the girl grab a chair and place it next to hers.
Jai looked up from the piece of paper she was studying and focused on Paige. "I don't think you're stupid." She said gently. "You're just having a hard time understanding some things. It's good that you're trying."
"Yeah but why am I having such a hard time?" Paige said miserably. "I know I was never as smart as you. But I used to get really good grades. Now I have a personal tutor whenever I go home during the weekends because my grades have been slipping and my parents think I'm slacking off." She revealed, embarrassed.
"Paige... when did this start?" Jai asked, concerned. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry." She added hurriedly.
Paige shook her head. "It's okay. I don't remember when exactly. But maybe... two years ago." She answered. "My dad's been really mad at me since then. He had all these expectations and when my grades started slipping he won't listen when I said I couldn't explain why. He thought I wasn't driven enough. It was his idea to hire a tutor for me and it helped a little but I'm still struggling."
"And this happened out of nowhere." Jai said more to herself, like she was thinking out loud.
"I guess. Maybe. I just know I woke up one day and felt... different." Paige admitted. It was the first time she told anyone about this and a part of her felt relieved that someone was listening to her. For the first time she felt she had a real friend.
Jai nodded wordlessly and Paige thought she saw a hesitation in the girl's eyes. She suddenly felt embarrassed, like it was wrong to have thought that Jai wasn't going to distance herself now that she found out that Paige was such a loser.
"We're friends. Right?" Jai suddenly asked, surprising Paige. "I mean I'd like to think we're real friends. Not just roommates or someone you just tolerate because you're sleeping in the same room with me." She explained.
"Uh, yeah. I guess we're friends." Paige answered when she finally recovered from her surprise.
When she began rooming with the girl, it quickly became obvious that Jai was definitely one of the popular kids in Girard. Granted their paths never crossed in the past but she'd heard about the girl. She just went by a different name. To everyone in Girard, Jai was known as 'Jazz'. The rich girl who had everything. The brain, the looks and the heart. When she finally realized that Jai was Jazz, a part of her felt intimidated. She knew Jai wanted to be her friend but sometimes she couldn't help but wonder why. The girl was always surrounded with people. She certainly didn't need someone like Paige. But instead Jai began spending a lot of time with her. Something other students began to notice and suddenly she wasn't anonymous anymore. But she wasn't Paige McCullers either. She became known as Jazz's friend. Popularity by association and it sucked. Sometimes she felt like she wasn't Jai's friend at all and that maybe Jai was starting to feel like Paige was just using her, which made her feel guilty.
"Remember that." Jai said firmly, jolting Paige out of her reverie. "When you feel hopeless. Remember that we're real friends. You're different from all the other people who flock around me. You're the only person in this school who's real. That's why I like spending time with you. That's why we're friends. You're not alone." She said earnestly before going back to studying Paige's Math homework.
Paige continued gazing at the girl seated next to her, touched by the words Jai said to her just now. For some reason she had a feeling that Jai knew what was wrong with her. Why she was different. Why she felt different. But she didn't want to ask right now. They're friends. Just when she thought she drove the girl away for being different, Jai reassured her that that was the reason they're friends in the first place and she felt glad that she finally had a true friend.
88888
"Dude I thought I told you not to forget that we're friends?" Paige heard the agitation in her best friend's voice despite Jai's attempt to sound otherwise the moment she opened her eyes. She slowly took in her surroundings, trying to figure out where she was while trying to get up but she felt weak.
"Take it easy. You're in Penn State Gen." Jai explained, getting up from the chair she was occupying in Paige's hospital room and walking over to the girl's bedside. "I dialed 9-1-1 the second I got back to our room and saw you lying on the floor unconscious." She revealed, letting her eyes study the girl who was lying on the bed. "How are you feeling?"
Paige opened her mouth and tried to speak but her throat hurt so she moved to get some water from the bedside table instead.
"I got it." Jai said, moving fast before Paige could reach for the glass of water. She handed the glass to her friend and helped Paige move to a sitting position so the girl could drink easier. "I should probably get the doctor and your parents. Tell them you're finally awake." She offered, moving to head for the door when Paige grabbed her arm weakly.
"Wait." Paige said hoarsely when she finally found her voice. "Don't tell them yet."
"Paige they're not mad at you for what happened. They're really worried." Jai gently told the girl who was obviously terrified to face her parents.
"Sorry if I scared you." Paige said quietly, unable to meet her friend's eyes as Jai took the glass of water from her. "Seeing me like that."
Jai shook her head. "I wasn't scared." She said reassuringly, making Paige look at the girl in surprise and confusion. "To tell you the truth lately you've been reminding me of someone I lost two years ago. Someone really important to me. What happened earlier today proved me right."
"What's wrong with me?" Paige asked, looking at Jai helplessly.
Jai bit her bottom lip before answering. "I have an idea but I'm not a doctor. I think someone older than us should tell you. They would know what to do." She said comfortingly. "But I'm going to be here when that happens. Don't worry."
"So we're still friends?" Paige asked, scared that she was going to lose the only real friend she made because of what she did.
"Yeah. More than ever. You're my best friend Paige." Jai reminded the girl. "And I promise I will never leave your side ever again."
Four Years Ago...
Paige - 13... 14
Jai - 13
Paige fixed on her left shoulder the strap of her messenger bag as she warily studied the building in front of her, dreading having to walk inside the halls of this unfamiliar place. For years she got used to attending a private school, living a life that is sheltered from the harsh reality of the outside world and she didn't want to leave it behind. So much has changed in her life in the last two years and though this was one of those things, she still couldn't believe her dad pulled her out of Girard and forced her to attend Rosewood High just because it was nearer to where they lived. Now she had to adjust and make new friends. Something that doesn't come easy to her. She looked around her and observed the students heading inside the school, walking in groups or in twos, all of them chatting excitedly, looking forward to the first day of their freshman year.
"You do know that it's not against the law to smile, right?" Paige turned her head to the right to look at the girl standing next to her, the look of astonishment and confusion in her face making her best friend laugh.
"What on earth are you doing here?!" Paige asked in disbelief and puzzlement. "You're supposed to be in Girard. Starting freshman year in high school." She reminded Jai.
Jai shrugged. "I decided to shake things up a bit. Girard was starting to get boring." She explained nonchalantly.
"Jazz." Paige uttered, running a hand warily through her hair. "Please tell me you didn't transfer to Rosewood High for me." She asked, dreading to hear the girl's answer.
"I didn't transfer to Rosewood High for you." Jai repeated, grinning.
"You suck at lying." Paige retorted, shaking her head. "At least pretend you're trying to lie when you're trying to lie." She pointed out, making Jai laugh again.
"My dad wanted to move out of our house anyway. Bad memories." Jai said vaguely knowing Paige understood what she was referring to. "So I asked that we move here instead. That way I can be near you. Kayla's still in Girard though. But she didn't mind the move. She's going to come home during the weekends."
"Wait... your entire family is living in Rosewood now? Why?" Paige asked incredulously.
"Why what?" Jai asked innocently.
Paige rolled her eyes, annoyed. "Why didn't you tell me about this and why would you give up your life in Philly to live here?" She asked in disbelief.
"I didn't tell you about it because I knew how you were going to react. But even if I did, it's not like you could've done something to stop it Paige. My dad wanted to move here too." Jai explained. "And I don't mind leaving my life in Philly behind. I promised I wasn't going to leave your side again. I meant that." She reminded the girl, her tone serious. "I don't want to lose you Paige. You're my best friend."
Paige looked away, choosing to focus on the building in front of them. Suddenly things seemed a little bit better. She didn't want to admit it but Jai's presence next to her comforted her and she was glad her best friend was there. "Thanks." She said hoarsely.
Present Day…
Paige stood unmoving as she stared miserably at the building in front of her. She had been running aimlessly around town since she left the cemetery. Or so she thought. When she finally stopped, she found herself standing in front of Rosewood High like she was during her first day of high school. She looked to her right, seemingly waiting for Jai to appear out of thin air and tell her she wasn't going to leave Paige's side again but she knew that wasn't going to happen. She swallowed hard and placed her hands inside the pockets of her sweatshirt, looking straight ahead as she began making her way towards the school. She knew it was a long shot considering it was a Saturday afternoon but sometimes the school is open for faculties who decide to work on a weekend. When she finally reached the entrance, she slowly pushed the door open, relieved that it wasn't locked. For once something went right today. She let the door swing close behind her while she stood in the middle of the hallway, contemplating where to go next before she decided to make her way towards the student lounge with her head down, her footsteps echoing in the empty space.
"What took you so long?" Paige looked up when she heard the anger in Emily's voice, surprised to see the girl sitting on one of the couches.
"Where did you come from?" Paige asked, confused, looking behind her before returning her attention to Emily.
"The funeral." Emily answered, getting up. "You do know there was a funeral, right? The funeral for your best friend. The one you insisted I attend because Logan and Kayla needed my support and then you didn't even bother to stick around to bury an empty casket when you so adamantly believe that she's dead! Look at me!" She yelled when Paige looked away. "Where were you?" She asked in a low voice, slowly walking towards the girl who stood frozen in place.
Paige swallowed hard, unable to meet Emily's eyes. Unable to explain to the girl the reason why she couldn't bring herself to attend her best friend's funeral.
"Jai deserved better." Emily said when she was finally standing in front of Paige, not bothering to hide the anger she was feeling. "She's your best friend. You're supposed to be friends. So where were you? Huh? Answer me!" She exclaimed, raising her fists and placing it against Paige's chest, unable to stop her tears from falling. "Where were you?" She asked brokenly, looking up at Paige. When the girl just kept looking away, she began pounding her fists on Paige's chest, willing the girl to answer. "You suck! How dare you call yourself her best friend when you won't even mourn?! You stand there like nothing's wrong. Why won't you mourn? Why won't you feel something? You suck! You suck!" Emily exclaimed, hitting Paige repeatedly, not caring if she was hurting the girl. "You want me to stop believing that she's still alive but you refuse to do the same. How could you do that?!"
"Emily!" Kayla shouted from behind Paige, making the girl stop. "That's enough." She said as she approached the two girls. After the funeral, she saw Emily leave the crowd with a determined look and she decided to follow her sister's girlfriend to see where the girl was going. Now it was obvious that Emily had an idea as to where Paige might have gone but she didn't know the girl was looking for Jai's best friend to give Paige a hard time for not showing up. "She gets it." Kayla told Emily as she glanced at Paige. "Em she gets it. I know you're hurting right now. But please stop hurting her." She pleaded.
Emily furiously wiped the tears from her eyes and stared at Kayla then at Paige before deciding to leave. "You're the worst. Jai deserves better." She said quietly, pushing past Paige as she walked away.
Paige's eyes followed Emily and she watched until the girl's raven hair was out of sight before she turned to face Kayla. "You should've let her take her anger out on me." She said softly. "She's grieving."
"Doesn't give her the right to hurt you physically, Paige. I'm grieving too. But I'm sure you won't let me hit you repeatedly even if it meant it would make me feel better. You're just letting her because she's Emily." Kayla pointed out. When Paige didn't say anything, she took out something from her handbag and handed it to the girl.
"What's this?" Paige asked as she took the package from Kayla, frowning when she saw the red bow on top.
"Your birthday gift." Kayla said, smiling faintly. "I didn't have the time to wrap it properly because I was busy helping my dad the entire day so I just placed that bow on top instead."
Paige stared at Kayla. "Sour Patch Kids?" She said wryly.
Kayla shrugged. "It used to cheer you up." She pointed out.
"Yeah. When I was ten." Paige reminded the girl.
"So sue me for thinking it could work today." Kayla retorted. "I just wanted to let you know that I didn't forget. Despite everything. Despite how depressing today is because technically I buried my sister this afternoon. I didn't forget. Happy eighteenth birthday Paige." She said quietly.
Paige ran a hand through her hair, worn out. "Not really a happy one. All these years I keep wondering why I even bother to celebrate when there's no reason to. Nothing good ever happens on the day I was born." She said miserably.
"What are you talking about? You happened. I think that's one reason to keep celebrating this day." Kayla pointed out, trying to lift the girl's mood.
Paige scoffed. "Except now I'm going to have to remember this day also as the day we buried my best friend. I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel about that one." She admitted, suddenly feeling drained. The day was really taking its toll on her.
"If you ask me I think it's another reason to celebrate. Think of it as a way to honor Jai's memory. My sister's sudden passing is a reminder to all of us that life is short. You shouldn't waste it by trying to find reasons not to celebrate. And you shouldn't waste it by avoiding people who matter to you." Kayla added knowingly.
"Is this your barely subtle way of telling me to talk to Emily?" Paige asked, looking away.
"Yeah. And my way of telling you that I know why you weren't there during the funeral." Kayla answered understandingly.
"Kayla. I'm so sorry." Paige said remorsefully.
Kayla shook her head. "Hey. I get it. But Emily... Emily's pretty mad at you." She said reluctantly.
Paige rolled her eyes. "Obviously. You were standing right there when she lashed out at me." She pointed out.
"Are you ever going to tell her why you can't bring yourself to come to my sister's funeral?" Kayla asked, ignoring Paige's sarcasm.
"Do you know why I wasn't there?" Paige inquired, surprised.
"I think I have an idea. I still think you should visit her though." Kayla suggested gently.
Paige shook her head. "I don't think I can." She admitted quietly. "Not right now."
"It'll help you work through your feelings. Mend your relationship with Emily." Kayla explained, giving Paige a small smile.
"What relationship?" Paige asked, laughing dryly. "Maybe it's better if she stays mad at me."
"Well I don't think it's good that you're mad at my sister." Kayla reminded Paige. When she saw the surprise in the girl's eyes, she continued. "Like I said. I know, Paige. You can't hide it. We've known each other for years. I know how angry you are right now. That's why you couldn't attend." She said sympathetically. "You should tell her that. Admit why you're so mad. It'll help. I know it will." When the girl refused to budge, Kayla dropped all pretenses of being put together and finally let the tears fall from her eyes. "Please. Just do something to lessen your anger before you spiral out of control. I... I'm really worried about you. I'm not Jai. I can't... I need you to be okay. I'm all alone now. I'm not Jai. I can't be Jai for you." She confessed, terrified that she's going to lose Paige too.
"Hey." Paige uttered, Kayla's pain finally convincing her to move as she hugged the girl close. "You don't have to be Jai." She said as she comforted the grieving girl. "No one's expecting you to be Jai. I know you're really worried about me. But I'll be fine. I won't do anything stupid. I promise." When she felt Kayla nod her head, she held the girl closer. "You're not alone. You have me. You have Emily. You have your dad. Believe me, you won't lose him. We'll be fine." She whispered, willing herself to believe the words she said despite feeling like she did when she was alone in that room she shared with Jai back in Girard. Before she woke up in the hospital. She can't let Kayla know.
"Sweetie, do you want some company?" Pam Fields asked from the living room entrance. "I can make us some hot chocolate." She offered, waiting for her daughter's motionless form to acknowledge her presence but Emily seemed not to hear her.
After her upsetting run-in with Paige earlier that day, Emily decided to head straight home, not having the energy to do anything else. Jai's death left a gaping hole in her heart but she still refused to believe that her girlfriend is really gone. As she sat staring blankly in front of the fireplace, she knew in her mind and in her heart that Jai is still somewhere out there. Alive. Because she would know. She would feel it if Jai died. What they buried that afternoon was merely a casket filled with Jai's things recovered from the plane crash. Jai is still alive.
"Thanks mom. But I just want to be alone right now if that's okay." Emily finally answered, her eyes never leaving the roaring fire. She knew her eyes were probably puffy from all the crying she did and her voice sounded raspy but she didn't care.
"Of course." Pam said, trying to smile understandingly as she fought back her tears, unable to bear to see her daughter in so much pain. She wanted to say that things will get better. That she's just seventeen and that she will find love again. But she knew her daughter and now wasn't the time to say those words to her. Right now Emily is still in denial. Her daughter believes that Jai is still alive and she refused to believe otherwise. Pam looked towards the front door when she heard the doorbell ring and glanced at her watch, wondering who could be at the door at this late hour. "I'll get that." She offered, glancing at Emily who still sat motionless on the couch.
Pam made her way towards the front of the house and raised her brows in surprise when she took a look at the eyehole and saw who it was. She kept her expression neutral as she grabbed the knob and opened the door.
"Good evening, Mrs. Fields." Paige said politely in greeting. "I'm sorry for dropping by unannounced again. I know it's really late but I was wondering if Emily is still up. I was hoping to talk to her." She explained hesitantly.
Pam studied the girl standing in front of her and felt her heart go out to Paige when she saw the pain in the girl's eyes. It was fleeting but she saw it. "She's still up but she wanted to be left alone." She explained gently. "Maybe you should come back tomorrow. You look like you could use some sleep right now. I'm sure today was a hard day for you as well."
"Please?" Paige implored. "It won't take long. I just need to talk to her. I'll leave if she tells me." She promised.
Pam stared at Paige for a moment longer before finally deciding to move and let the girl in. "She's in the living room." She supplied once she closed the door behind Paige. "I'll be in the kitchen." She added before leaving the girl by herself.
Paige cautiously made her way towards the living room, dreading having to face Emily after what happened that afternoon. After she and Kayla walked back to the cemetery so she could get her father's car where she left it after she ran away, she drove Jai's sister home and spent the rest of the afternoon driving around aimlessly until she finally decided to heed Kayla's advice and talk to Emily. When Paige saw Jai's girlfriend seated on the same couch she was occupying earlier that day, Paige walked further inside the room until she was within eyesight of the girl to let Emily know it was her.
"What are you doing here?" Emily asked coldly. "Come to whisk me away again to some funeral you're not going to attend?" She added, glaring at Paige. "What you did today was completely unfair."
Paige sighed and moved to sit beside Emily, staring at the roaring fire in front of them. "I know. That's why I came by to apologize." She finally said, not meeting Emily's eyes.
"For what?" Emily challenged. "For telling me to set aside my belief that my girlfriend is still alive just so I could attend her funeral to show my support? For asking me to accept Jai's death when you yourself couldn't accept it? How is that fair, Paige? Why should I stop believing that she's still somewhere out there alive when you believe the same thing?" She asked, hurt.
"Emily... I... I didn't go to Jai's funeral not because I believe she's still alive." Paige said gently. "I think she's dead. I know you don't want to hear it. I'm sorry. But that's the truth."
Emily scoffed. "Why is it so easy for you to just accept that she's dead? What happened to having hope and going through so much crap that you believe things could only get better? You're all talk but when it matters you're the first to give up." She said bitterly.
"It wasn't easy." Paige said, the pain evident in her voice. "She was the only real friend I had and now she's gone. It wasn't easy to accept she's dead. Sometimes things get worse before they could get better. For me, believing those words is having hope. But I think there's a fine line between hoping and just refusing to accept the truth."
"And you think I'm just in denial. Well there's also a fine line between acceptance and giving up and I don't want to be like you." Emily said, starting to get angry again. "You know what's worse? You're the one who believes that she's dead yet you told me to show up to her funeral today. You couldn't even say goodbye? Why weren't you there?"
"I had some issues to work through. About what happened." Paige answered, trying to explain her feelings. "I know you think I'm a bad friend. That Jai doesn't deserve someone like me. And you're probably right. But I can't just ignore how I feel too. I know it sounds selfish but the truth is... I couldn't bring myself to come to Jai's funeral because I was really mad at her." She said quietly. "I still am."
Emily looked at Paige in surprise when she heard the rage and sorrow in the girl's voice. She studied Paige for a second. "Because she died." She said when she realized the reason why.
Paige nodded. "She was supposed to come back." She said bitterly. She took a deep breath and tiredly ran a hand through her hair. "You have no idea how much I needed her to come back." Paige repeated, not telling the girl why. "But instead she died. She left you. And now you're hurting and I can't seem to do anything to make things better."
Emily leaned her head on Paige's shoulder, the events of the day finally taking its toll on her and she felt exhausted. "I miss her so much." She whispered hoarsely. The tears she thought she didn't have in her after crying for hours fell from her eyes and she just let them.
"I miss her too." Paige admitted miserably. "I'm so mad at her but I miss her too." Maybe this is what it feels like to mourn.
Paige stood up slowly, careful not to disturb Emily's sleep as she moved to position the girl on the couch so she was lying on it. After hours of crying, Emily finally fell asleep and Paige decided against waking her up to tell the girl to go upstairs and sleep on her bed. Paige studied Emily's sleeping form, watching as the flames from the fireplace flickered across the girl's exquisite features before deciding to head upstairs to get a pillow and a blanket for the girl.
"I guess it's a good thing you came over then." Pam said from behind Paige, making the girl turn to face the living room entrance in surprise. "Emily hasn't been sleeping well since Jasmine... since your best friend died. Somehow your presence tonight comforted my daughter. Made her fall asleep this early."
Paige nodded and glanced at Emily again. "Would it be alright if I went to her room first before I left? I just want to get a pillow and a comforter for her. I don't want to wake her up and she might be uncomfortable if she slept down here the rest of the night." She explained, looking at Pam hesitantly.
"Go ahead. That's really nice of you to do." Pam added, giving Paige a grateful smile.
Paige wordlessly walked past Pam and quickly made her way to Emily's room. She slowly opened the door and headed straight for Emily's bed, taking a pillow and the comforter. She was about to make her way back downstairs when her eyes fell on the windowseat and she saw the paper bag with the dress she and Emily bought a few weeks ago, reminding her of how much Emily was looking forward to prom two months from now. She averted her eyes and headed towards the door but her eyes fell on Emily's dresser drawer next and she saw a picture of Jai and Emily. It was taken the day the two officially became a couple because the girls were in their Halloween costumes. Emily was wearing a gown that was reminiscent of a medieval times royalty and Jai was wearing a knight's armor. Paige moved closer, holding the framed photo to study it carefully as her eyes drifted towards her best friend. Jai was holding a sign that said 'She said YES!' and Emily was holding some sort of gold candy bar with the word 'YES' written on it. She calmly returned the frame to its position when she felt her chest tighten, for a brief second thinking it was because she was finally grieving. She should've felt sadness. But instead she realized she was getting angry again. She averted her eyes and headed downstairs to go back to Emily.
She headed back to the living room, expecting to see Pam sitting beside her daughter but Emily's mother was nowhere to be found. Paige slowly made her way to the girl sleeping soundly on the couch and gently lifted Emily's head, tucking the pillow underneath before unfolding the comforter to cover the girl's body. She gently brushed a strand of hair away from Emily's forehead, careful not to wake up the sleeping girl. She was about to step back when she saw a tear fall from Emily's closed eyes and she fought the urge to wipe it away. Even in her sleep Emily was still grieving and Paige felt more helpless than ever. She started when she heard a noise coming from the living room entrance and looked up just in time to see Pam enter the room to return the phone to its cradle.
"I just talked to Wayne." Pam explained when she saw Paige looking at her. "He wanted to come home to be with Emily but I told him she's fine. He's really worried."
Paige nodded. "I got the pillow and comforter." She said, looking at Emily again. "She's going to be fine." Paige said reassuringly as she looked at Pam. "She's a fighter. But right now she's grieving."
"I know." Pam said, staring at her daughter. "I just wish I could do something more to ease her pain."
Paige swallowed hard, knowing exactly how Pam feels. "I'm going to go now." She said instead. "Thank you for letting me in. Sorry for the trouble."
Pam walked Paige to the front door and opened it for the girl. "Don't be. I'm glad you insisted on talking to Emily tonight. Thank you for stopping by. Drive safe on your way home." Pam reminded the girl when she was outside; closing the door after Paige nodded and began making her way to her father's car.
Paige unlocked the door and got inside; taking out her phone when she realized how late it was and that her father was definitely worried sick by now. She hurriedly sent a message saying she was sorry she lost track of time and that she's going home soon, she just had one more place to go to before heading home.
Twenty minutes later, Paige turned off the engine of her father's car and got out, slamming the door before making her way determinedly towards her best friend's grave. When she was finally standing in front of Jai's marker, she stared at it for a moment before speaking, placing her hands inside the pockets of her jeans.
"Jazz. Paige here." She began, taking a deep breath as she tried to control her anger. "First of, I guess I owe you an apology for not showing up earlier. But I didn't prepare a eulogy for you anyway so no harm no foul really. Whatever that means." She said, scuffing the ground with the toe of her sneakers. "Now it's your turn. To apologize. I want you to apologize for dying."
Paige removed her hands from the pockets of her jeans and crossed her arms in front of her. "I know I never said this before but when you and I became roommates then eventually became friends... when you told me we're real friends that was the first time I felt that I wasn't alone. When I woke up in that hospital bed terrified, you were there and you promised you weren't going anywhere and that made me feel better. When I started high school in Rosewood High and you showed up, I didn't want to admit it but I felt comforted. You were always there even if you knew it drove me crazy sometimes. You just kept showing up." She said wryly.
"So how about that apology from you?" Paige asked, staring at Jai's marker which was illuminated by the moonlight. "You know what, on second thought, don't apologize. I don't want it. Or maybe I do. But I need you to forgive me for something worse so maybe we could call it quits instead. Or maybe I could just stay mad at you. Because this is your fault. This is entirely your fault. Or not. I don't know." She rambled on, starting to get restless.
"I mean I'm not even sure why I'm talking to you when we both know you're not in there. Anyway, what I really wanted to tell you is that you suck. You had to go and make all these plans with Emily and then promised her you'll come back and then you died. You freaking died." Paige repeated, distressed. "And you left me. When you promised you wouldn't, you left me with this amazing, insanely beautiful girl and I needed you to come back so I could stop feeling this way about her. But instead you died on me. What am I supposed to do now? Huh? Tell me." Paige implored, closing her eyes briefly in anguish.
"You have to help me. Give me a sign or something. Visit me in my dreams. Appear to me in a vision. Tell me I'm a horrible friend for feeling this way. Because I'm falling in love with her." Paige whispered helplessly.
"And I'm scared. Okay? I'm terrified. This wasn't supposed to happen. But now I can't stay away. Because I made a promise to you, remember? That I would look after her while you're gone. So now I'm stuck. Because you're not coming back. So I have to keep looking after her. And I'm liking it too much. I'm liking it too damned much." Paige confessed brokenly. "You suck. This is your fault. You should've listened to me. You shouldn't have left. I was doing fine pretending to hate her for years. I was resigned to being a complete jerk in Emily's eyes for the rest of my life because you two were perfect for each other and you made each other happy. But now you're gone and Emily is hurting and I don't know what to do. You suck. Happy birthday to me, right? This is just fantastic, Jai. Really. First my mom, then Ria, now you. You all suck." She said bitterly before walking away and heading home.