DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters is the intellectual property of others. Some characters used in the writing of this fic belong to PLL. Events that transpire, will transpire and have transpired in this story are entirely of my own creation.
Thanks for the reviews/comments/reactions about the story guys! They never fail to make me smile.
Just a reminder… the title of this fic means PLACEHOLDER or SUBSTITUTE. I know some of you are upset with what's happening but please trust where I'm taking this story. This is PAILY AU after all. LOL. The journey of these characters is just beginning. I've said this before but just in case some of you forgot… this fic is going to be made up of FIVE parts. And we're only halfway through part TWO. Please be patient. : )
EyeOpener16, hellolittlebirdie, StagHen and sampledbeats... Thanks for the PM.
PART TWO: "Sic Infit"
~ So it begins. ~
CHAPTER SEVEN
Emily made her way inside the building on 3730 Walnut Street on a Thursday morning, taking the steps two at a time since she was in a hurry to sign up for the seminar in the field of Brand Management that the MUSE (Marketing Undergraduate Students Establishment) Penn organization was sponsoring next week. She almost forgot about the activity that her MGMT100 professor told them of last Thursday in class. She wasn't exactly paying attention to the lecture since she was busy trying not to look at Paige who was seated in the front row at the time.
That was the story of her life last week. The past few days she had been busy either avoiding or sneaking around with Paige that she almost forgot about the seminar. Now she hoped she wasn't too late to sign up for it. Emily felt nervous as she made her way to the long table at the far end corner of the building. She was a lone freshman on her way to a table crowded with upperclassmen. She had to appear confident. And be charming.
"Hi." Emily said in greeting once she was standing near enough the table filled with members of the organization. "I didn't mean to interrupt. I was just wondering if this is where I could sign up for the seminar on Brand Management 101 next week?" She asked, not speaking to anyone in particular as she addressed the entire group.
"What's your name?" A blonde guy sporting a preppy look finally replied, getting up from his spot on the long bench to make his way over to Emily.
"Emily Fields." Emily revealed, fighting the urge to start fidgeting. "Can I still attend the seminar or is it too late to sign up?" She asked, giving the guy what she hoped was an optimistic smile.
"There's still a few slots left." The guy admitted, reaching for a white sheet of paper from the girl sitting near the end of the table before stopping in front of Emily. "Sign your name here." He instructed, handing Emily the paper and a pen. "I take it you're enrolled in Wharton?"
Emily nodded. "I'm a freshman planning to take up Marketing as my concentration." She said, taking the piece of paper and pen. She looked around and finally decided to use the books she was carrying as a makeshift solid surface to write on.
"I figured. My name's Zach and I'm the membership committee head of MUSE Penn. Maybe I can interest you in joining our organization next semester? We sure could use a pretty face around here. We are the marketing organization on campus." Zach emphasized.
"I know." Emily answered while trying to fill in the signup sheet.
When she and Jai were planning their life in UPenn, they talked about joining two organizations after one semester of adjusting to life on campus. A social organization of their liking so they could be involved with the community and an academic organization in their respective chosen careers. For the social organization she planned on joining, Emily has her sights set on PennPals, a one-on-one community-based mentoring program and she knew of MUSE Penn even before she set foot in Philadelphia. It was the organization to join if you're a marketing student and it was on the vision board that she made with Jai. Something that was now on the vision board Paige returned to her. Now that the fall semester is almost over, she had enough time adjusting to life on campus and next semester, if she wanted, she could join MUSE like she and Jai talked about. But right now she just wanted to sign up for the seminar since she still had a class to get to.
"Um, do you happen to have another pen I could use? This one doesn't seem to be working." Emily said, raising the pen to the guy timidly. Her pens were scattered inside her shoulder bag and it would take too much time to find one.
"Something tells me she's more than just a pretty face, Zach." A voice from behind her made Emily turn around and she found herself staring at an attractive girl with deep emerald eyes and wavy brown hair that stopped just below her shoulders. The girl held herself with such grace and confidence that Emily knew she was someone of importance in the organization.
"Here. Use mine." The girl offered, handing Emily a black pen and taking the one Zach gave her earlier.
"Thanks." Emily replied, giving the girl a grateful smile as she took the pen.
"So you're interested in the field of Brand Management." The girl said, stepping beside Emily. "I have to admit, we rarely find freshmen students who are interested in brand management seminars, Emily Fields." The girl continued when she saw Emily fill up the year and name part of the signup sheet.
"I'm curious as to how and why companies do it. I read an article a few weeks ago about this company that decided to rename their brand and then re-launched it to the public." Emily explained. "Then it got me thinking. How global companies come to this decision. I mean there's a risk. If you rename the brand you could lose your market. But they still do it. Why? There must be a substantial reason why companies decide to rename a brand that's been in the market for years and still expect the same market to purchase their products while adding new consumers to it. Sorry." She suddenly said when she realized that she's been rambling on and on and the girl was looking at her with mild amusement.
"Told you she's more than just a pretty face." The girl commented, addressing the guy still standing behind Emily with a knowing smile. "I don't think I've introduced myself. My name's Gary Chambers and I'm the president of MUSE." She said, extending a hand.
Emily shook it firmly. I guess that explains the whole grace and confidence vibe I'm getting. She thought, smiling at the girl. "Emily Fields, freshman student at Wharton." She said for lack of credentials to tell the girl.
"Nice to meet you Emily Fields." Gary said, releasing Emily's hand. "And I don't mind the rambling. I actually like your enthusiasm about this field of marketing." She admitted, taking the piece of paper and pen from Emily. She handed the signup sheet to Zach before returning her attention to the girl. "And you'll have the chance to ask your questions and find out more about it on Wednesday." She added, pocketing her pen.
"Wednesday?" Emily repeated, thinking she heard the girl wrong. "But I thought the seminar was on Tuesday night?"
Gary nodded. "Originally it was. But there's been a conflict on the side of the speakers so they pushed for the seminar to be conducted on Wednesday morning instead. Why? Is there a problem?" She asked, giving Emily a curious smile.
"No. No problem at all." Emily lied. It's not like the seminar's going to be rescheduled if she told them that she had to get home to Rosewood on Wednesday morning. "Just surprised. I was really looking forward to it on Tuesday night."
"Well if your Tuesday night just opened up maybe I could interest you in having coffee or dinner with me." Gary suggested without missing a beat. "We could talk more about brand management. You could pick my brain on the subject before the seminar on Wednesday."
"Um." Emily uttered, tempted to say yes. But she had a feeling the girl was really asking her out on a date and she didn't know what to say to that. Her hand instinctively touched the locket on her necklace. "Maybe some other time." She finally replied. "I might have to meet with my group in my MGMT100 class that night. Discuss some things for our project before Thanksgiving break." She lied.
"Oh. Yeah. I forgot freshmen students take that course in the fall semester. I was under Williams on that one and I literally counted the seconds for that course to end the second I step inside his class." Gary confessed.
"No way. I'm under him this sem." Emily revealed. "Thursday afternoons can't go by fast enough. It's like I'm in suspended animation when I'm inside his class." She said, laughing lightly with the girl.
"I know what you mean." Gary said in agreement, nodding her head understandingly. "But on the bright side it's going to be over soon so just hang in there." She advised. "I guess rain check on that coffee or dinner then."
Emily smiled faintly. "Uh, yeah." She replied, hoping the girl would forget it. It's not like their paths are going to cross again after the seminar. Unless I join MUSE that is. "I better go. I have a class in twenty." She explained, walking past the girl to head back the way she came.
"You never answered Zach's question." Gary called out, making Emily turn around to face her. "Can we interest you in joining MUSE next semester? I rarely do the grunt work since I'm the president but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make you say yes. I rarely take no for an answer."
"I'll think about it." Emily answered. Not a yes, but not a no either.
"That's all I'm asking." Gary heard Emily say as she bounded the steps and hurriedly made her way to her first class.
Paige turned another page of the book she was reading, using the remaining minutes she has before her MGMT100 class starts to catch up on the required reading for her Sociology class. She could've done the reading in her apartment earlier that day but she couldn't concentrate there so she decided to come to class early instead. She knew it was taking her longer than usual to do the reading considering it was only three chapters. But last night she couldn't exactly focus with Emily sitting next to her.
And then this morning, she had several free hours to read since she didn't have classes and she wasn't meeting Emily for lunch but she spent those hours thinking about the girl instead and how in a span of five days she managed to get and lose Emily. Four days considering we didn't see each other on Sunday. Paige thought miserably as she turned another page of the book.
"This seat taken?" Paige looked up and lost her grip on the yellow highlighter she was holding when she saw Emily standing above her.
Emily gracefully crouched to retrieve the marker from the floor, fighting to control her nervousness as she met Paige's eyes again. "Here." She offered, handing the object to the girl.
"Thanks." Paige replied, taking the highlighter while making a conscious effort not to touch Emily's fingers.
"So. Is this seat taken?" Emily repeated, glancing at the empty chair next to Paige where the girl deposited her messenger bag. When she entered the room and saw Paige sitting in their usual third row seats, Emily thought about sitting somewhere else but in the end, she gathered the courage to come up to the girl and ask if they can sit together.
"No. It's not." Paige answered once she got over her surprise, hurriedly removing her bag from the seat and placing it behind hers.
"What are you reading?" Emily asked once she was settled, trying to make conversation with the girl.
"Sociology. I meant the reading for my Sociology class." Paige clarified when she saw Emily's confused look.
"Isn't that what you were reading last night?" Emily reminded the girl.
Paige nodded. "It was. I just decided to read it again to pass the time." She lied. They stared at each other for a second before Paige averted her eyes, deciding to go back to her reading when it became obvious that they have nothing else to say to each other.
Emily studied Paige for a few more seconds before deciding to face forward in her seat. She looked around and saw that most of their classmates were talking to each other while waiting for their professor to arrive and she felt like she was sticking out like a sore thumb.
"So are you going to attend the seminar in brand management next week?" Emily asked, turning slightly in her seat to face Paige again. "'Cos I dropped by the MUSE's building this morning and they said they still have a few slots left if you're interested. They moved the seminar from Tuesday night to Wednesday morning so if you want to go it's no problem for you since you only have afternoon classes, right?" She pointed out, trying to seem cheerful.
"No thanks. Marketing isn't really my area of interest." Paige answered distractedly, not bothering to look at the girl as she highlighted a sentence in the book that seemed of utmost importance just now.
"Oh." Emily muttered, biting her bottom lip anxiously. "Well then what are you interested in?" She continued, choosing to ignore Paige's seemingly aloof attitude towards her.
"Right now? Just finishing this chapter before class starts." Paige replied, aware that she was practically highlighting the entire page by now but she didn't care. She couldn't bear to look at Emily.
Emily swallowed hard. "Got it. Just shut up, Emily. Can't you see I'm busy?" She said, doing an awful imitation of Paige. "Message received." She added before looking away.
Paige closed her eyes briefly, distressed. "Sorry. I'm just trying to get some reading done." She explained, finally looking at the girl.
Emily met Paige's gaze. "I suggest going easy on the highlighter then. That page is starting to look like a yellow pad from over here." She said wryly, trying to ease the awkward tension between them.
"Yeah well I never had coloring books growing up." Paige shot back, making Emily smile a little.
"I have a delivery for a Miss Emily Fields?" A deep voice from the door called out before Emily could respond to Paige's quip and she turned to face the door with the rest of her classmates, surprised.
"Is there a Miss Emily Fields in this class?" The middle-aged man asked and this time, the entire class started looking amongst themselves, wondering who would respond to the name.
"He's not going away. You better go down there to see what he's got for you." Paige suggested.
Emily reluctantly stood up, aware that everyone's eyes were trained on her as she made her way to the door. "I'm Emily Fields." She said when she was standing in front of the man.
"Sign here." The man instructed, handing Emily a clipboard with a sheet of paper tucked on it.
Emily did as she was told, all the while wondering what she was about to accept. She chose to remain standing inside the room rather than step outside and the man's other hand was concealed from her view. When she was done affixing her signature on the piece of paper, the man took the clipboard and produced from his other hand a bouquet of assorted flowers and handed them to Emily, making the girl's cheeks turn several shades of red.
Oh my god. "Uh, who are these from?" Emily asked as she accepted the bouquet, fully aware that her classmates have begun whispering excitedly behind her. This is so embarrassing.
"Check the card." The man replied before walking away.
Emily stood by the door for a second, torn between leaving the class and going back to her seat. When she saw her professor in the hallway nearing the room, she was left with no choice but to turn around, averting her eyes from her classmates as she made her way back to her seat.
Paige hurriedly looked away and pretended she was still engrossed in reading her book when she saw Emily make her way back from the door with the bouquet of flowers in her hand. She stared at the words on the page but they blurred and shifted into an image of Emily accepting the flowers, the entire scene unfolding in front of her like she was watching a silent horror movie. Someone just gave Emily flowers. They've been barely over for twenty-four hours and already someone was making a move on Emily. The girl didn't have that taken, grieving or mourning vibe anymore. She was available.
"Who's that from?" Paige asked once Emily was seated beside her again, unable to bottle up her curiosity.
Emily placed the flowers on the empty chair next to hers and reached for the card just as their professor entered the room. She opened the card and scanned the message before slipping it inside her notebook and turning her attention to the lecture. "Gary Chambers." She replied when she felt Paige's eyes still on her, aware that the girl was waiting for her to give an answer.
"Who's that?" Paige asked out of the corner of her mouth, her attention to the lecture as well.
"She's the president of MUSE. I met her earlier when I signed up for the seminar." Emily explained under her breath.
"You must've loved getting those flowers just now." Paige muttered, looking down on her notebook as she copied something their professor wrote on the board, sure that it wasn't important but she needed to do something to distract herself.
Emily subtly shook her head. "No. I didn't. You saw how everyone's attention was focused on me. It was embarrassing." She admitted.
"I wouldn't know. It's not like I was paying attention." Paige said coolly, refusing to admit to Emily that she's affected or that she's jealous. Clearly Emily had no regrets putting a stop to whatever it was they were doing up until last night. Before she knew it Emily would start going out with other girls and just like that she'd be forgotten. She crashed and burned even before she took flight.
Emily studied Paige's posture out of the corner of her eye, trying to read the girl's expression. She wanted to know how the girl really felt when she saw the flowers just now. Because that was the first thing that came to mind when she accepted the bouquet earlier. Once she got over her embarrassment. How would Paige feel when she sees this?
But Paige's expression was blank. Like once the girl found out who the flowers were from, Paige's curiosity was satisfied and now the girl couldn't care less that someone else was interested in her. Emily focused her undivided attention to the lecture, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that came with the realization that Paige really didn't care. She knew she was supposed to be okay with it. After all, they agreed to put a stop to what was happening between them before it got more intense. When she saw her professor write something on the board, Emily automatically jotted it down in her notebook, stealing another glance at Paige as she did so.
So if you're really okay with it... why does it hurt?
"Come on newbie, double time!" Reese urged as she stopped just in front the entrance of Café Prima that afternoon, turning around to wait for the girl to join her.
Paige dragged her feet while making her way towards Reese, her hands inside the pockets of the trousers of the tracksuit she was wearing to keep herself warm. She dreaded stepping inside the café. Not because of what she pulled yesterday since she's sure barely anyone paid attention to that but because she didn't want to see Emily. Sitting beside the girl for an hour and a half in class was her limit. But Reese insisted she accompany the girl inside the café today, saying this was the first time that she genuinely wanted to hang out there. Reese said as opposed to the other times that she was accompanying Paige, today Paige was accompanying her. And she couldn't say no because Reese was so good at guilt tripping her into doing something.
"I said yes to coming here with you today. Why won't you meet me halfway?" Paige complained. "Why can't we just sit here and give other people a chance to sit in that loveseat inside?" She suggested, gesturing to the chairs outside the café once she reached Reese. She didn't mind keeping her hands inside her pockets the entire time they're there to keep herself warm. She just didn't want to see Emily.
"Uh, because it's freezing out here." Reese answered, pointing out the obvious. "It's so cold my coffee's going to freeze the same time my ass does. We're staying inside." She declared, turning around to pull the door open.
"Just so you know. I hate you right now." Paige muttered, glaring at the girl before reluctantly following Reese inside. She slowly made her way to the loveseat without even looking towards the counter and sat on the couch, her gaze glued to Reese.
"You're not gonna turn into stone, Paige." Reese said wryly. "You can look at Emily directly."
"I knew you were doing this just to put us in the same room!" Paige exclaimed accusingly. "It's not going to work."
"Uh, think again. She's looking this way." Reese informed the girl as she watched Emily out of the corner of her eye. "Now don't be a snob and greet her like a civilized person."
Paige sighed and finally forced herself to look at the girl, nodding her head when Emily gave her a small wave. "There. Satisfied? Can we go now?" She asked, moving to get up but Reese grabbed her by the arm.
"We are staying." Reese said firmly. "We're paying customers, Paige. Just because you're not kissing one of the baristas anymore doesn't mean we can't sit here. It's not a crime."
"Can we please not talk about that?" Paige implored, rubbing the side of her head in distress.
"Done." Reese readily agreed. "So. Any exciting plans this weekend that doesn't involve a swim meet?" She asked, facing Paige while they wait for someone else to take their orders since it was obvious Emily wasn't planning on coming over.
Paige nodded. "Actually, yeah. Kayla and I are going to a club Saturday night." She answered, grateful that Reese posed that question or she would've forgotten about that. "Do you want to join us? I can finally introduce you to Kayla."
"You're going to a club?!" Reese replied instead, her jaw dropping. "Who are you and what have you done to my favorite freshman?!" She exclaimed disbelievingly.
"Just say yes, Reese." Paige said, rolling her eyes in exasperation.
"Depends. Which club are you planning to go to? Woody's?" Reese asked.
Paige shook her head. "We don't know yet. But definitely not Woody's. I think one of the bartenders there might still remember me. She gave me free chips and I never called her." She admitted sheepishly. "Do you know of any other cool gay clubs?"
"I might. Ever been to ICandy?" Reese said in reply.
Paige was about to say 'no' when she heard the front door open and she sat up straight when a girl with wavy brown hair entered the café with an air of confidence around her. She watched as the girl looked around the place, her eyes lighting up when it stopped by the counter and Paige knew she was looking at Emily.
"Who's that?" Reese asked, following Paige's line of sight. "I'm only asking because I want to notify her family where they can claim her remains once you're done shooting daggers at her."
"I'm not sure but if I have to guess that's Gary Chambers, president of MUSE." Paige answered, not bothering to hide her jealousy from her friend. "She had flowers delivered to our MGMT100 class this afternoon for Emily. Can you believe that? Who does that?!" She asked disbelievingly.
"Oh. Yeah. Eew. That doesn't sound romantic at all." Reese agreed sarcastically, shuddering for emphasis.
"I'm serious." Paige said, looking at Reese wryly.
"Newbie, that was a swoon-worthy move. I'm not gonna lie to you." Reese confessed, giving the girl an apologetic look. "Point me to a girl who doesn't like that sort of thing and I will point you to a girl who doesn't like being serenaded." She challenged.
"Okay. That's easy. Emily." Paige answered, nodding her head towards the girl who was currently engrossed in a conversation with Gary. "I asked if she loved it and she said she didn't. She felt embarrassed 'cos everyone was looking at her. Now it's your turn."
"Me." Reese said, pointing to herself.
Paige studied the girl. "Liar." She declared smugly.
"Well so is Emily." Reese pointed out. "Look at her and tell me that isn't the face of someone who didn't like Gary's romantic gesture earlier." She said, nodding her head towards the counter.
Paige returned her attention to Emily, studying the girl closely as Emily talked to Gary. She swallowed hard when she saw Emily laugh at something Gary said, clenching her fist as she fought the overwhelming urge to head over there and grab the girl, whisking her away to a place where it's just the two of them and then she'll force Emily to admit that it's not over between them. Because she didn't want it to be over.
"You know, I really thought you two were sneaking around." Reese admitted, looking at Paige sympathetically. "When you told me that lame story about how Emily came over later that night and said it's better if you two just remained friends, I thought I'd humor you and lead you to believe that I bought it. But now you've convinced me. You, my friend, have been officially friend-zoned."
Paige hastily got up when she heard Reese utter those words. "I'm gonna go." She muttered, her voice hoarse. Grabbing her duffel bag from the floor, Paige walked past Reese and made her way to the front door, pushing it open with more force than she intended to and letting the door slam shut behind her as she hurriedly made her way to her car.
"Stop! No more anecdotes!" Emily pleaded when she finally managed to stop laughing, wiping the tears in her eyes as she fought the urge to break into hysterics again, aware that they were supposed to be in a library.
"But I just saved the best for last!" Paige complained. "Come on. Let me tell it."
Emily shook her head vehemently. "No. No more stories or you're going to get us kicked out of this place." She reminded the girl, covering her mouth when she felt like she was about to start laughing again.
It was a Friday morning and the two girls found themselves half-buried in mountains of books in the second floor of the Van Pelt-Dietrich Library Center where the Lippincott Library Wharton was located. They were currently doing research for their MGMT100 group project since after their class yesterday, Vince, their group leader, assigned pairs to research the five topics they needed to cover for their class project and he assigned Emily and Paige to one topic. Paige knew Emily was oblivious to her outburst at the café yesterday when she walked out on Reese and despite what she was feeling towards their situation; she knew she can't let that get in the way of their responsibility. She was the one having a hard time accepting the reality that she and Emily were over so it was up to her to change the mood between them if only for today so they could do their part in the project.
"Fine. But I'm telling you you're missing out on a really good story." Paige said confidently before returning to the book she was browsing.
Emily shook her head in amusement before grabbing another book in the pile in front of them, studying the table of contents before turning to the page she was looking for. When she and Paige decided yesterday after class to meet this morning to do the research, Emily had no problem at first even if things between them were still awkward. But Paige's outburst at the café yesterday afternoon almost made her want to cancel on the girl today.
On her way to work yesterday, Emily was surprised to get a call from an unregistered number and was even more surprised when she answered it and the person on the other end of the line turned out to be Gary. The girl explained that she got Emily's number from the signup sheet earlier and called to ask if Emily got the flowers. She said she did and thanked the girl, stopping herself from saying that while she appreciated the gesture, she didn't like being the center of attention. Gary then asked if she could see her now and Emily said that she was on her way to work, hence the impromptu visit from the president of MUSE which Paige bore witness to.
Hurt that Paige really didn't care whether someone else was interested in her; Emily pretended she was enjoying Gary's company in front of the girl to show that she wasn't bothered by Paige's indifference. She made sure that she laughed at the right punch lines and smiled at the correct puns even if she had no idea what Gary was telling her because the entire time she was watching Paige. Then, all pretenses that she was interested in Gary disappeared when Paige got up and left the café abruptly, the force with which the girl pushed the door open making Emily think it would fly off its hinges.
It took every ounce of self-control she had in her to force herself not to run after the girl when she saw Reese looking at her suspiciously so she turned her attention to Gary again but her thoughts were solely on Paige. Wondering what Reese could've said to the girl that made Paige leave seething. She was tempted to text Paige last night to ask if they were still on for today but she thought better of it when she remembered how angry Paige seemed.
Now, as she sat in front of the girl, Emily couldn't help but feel relieved that Paige seemed to be in a better mood. She thought the girl was mad at her but ever since Paige arrived, the girl had been telling her all sorts of weird and funny stories that they've been given two warnings by the librarian because Emily can't stop laughing. She bit her bottom lip, trying to focus on the book in front of her instead of the girl across her.
Paige stole a glance at Emily, her pulse racing when she saw the girl bite her bottom lip in concentration. What she would give to be able to kiss those soft, perfect lips again. But Emily didn't want to be something more with her and she didn't want to force the issue so now they're sitting here pretending that the past four days of sneaking around never happened. Pretending that they're just friends. Something she's been doing ever since she laid eyes on the girl. Pretending. When Emily kissed her the first time she thought she could finally stop pretending. The girl felt something for her so she didn't see the point of fighting or hiding her feelings anymore. But then Emily said she made a mistake. So now she's back to fighting and hiding it.
"What?" Emily suddenly asked when she caught Paige looking at her.
Paige shook her head. "Nothing." She answered softly before returning to what she was reading.
Emily let her gaze linger on Paige, wondering why the girl suddenly seemed miserable. Last time she checked she was laughing hard and Paige was spewing one funny anecdote after another. That was barely fifteen minutes ago. They haven't said anything to each other since then.
"I'm going to head to the stacks." Paige suddenly said, getting up before indicating the rows of books behind her. "I'm going to go crosscheck something." She lied, unable to take being this near to Emily. She needed a few minutes to compose herself when she felt her frustration beginning to surface again.
"Okay." Emily acknowledged, giving the girl a small smile before looking down on the book in front of her.
Ten minutes later, Emily stopped writing in her yellow pad and looked up to see what was taking Paige so long. She was about to stand up and look for the girl when she saw Paige emerge with a book, followed close behind by another girl who was obviously older than them. Probably a sophomore or a junior. Emily watched Paige say something before accepting a piece of paper the girl handed to her, quickly averting her eyes when she saw Paige start heading back to their table. Once the girl was seated in front of her, Emily noticed that Paige's mood was significantly chipper and she felt her stomach tighten in knots.
"Got a date?" Emily guessed, hoping her tone just now didn't sound accusing or jealous.
Paige shrugged. "Maybe." She replied before looking at the piece of paper she was holding in her hand. If Emily can easily forget what happened between them, so can she. "She helped me find the book I needed back there."
Emily rolled her eyes. "And now you're wondering what else she could help you with. Of course." She commented, her tone sounding bitter.
Paige studied Emily. Finally. She thought when she saw the brief flash of hurt in the girl's eyes. She was tired of pretending. And she thought she was the only one doing it but just now Emily showed a sign that what happened between them affected her too. They haven't talked about it and it's been more than a day.
"You and I. We're still not more than friends, right?" Paige asked, matching Emily's tone.
"Yeah. Why?" Emily replied, staring at Paige cautiously.
"Just wondering why you seem really pissed off right now when the reason we're not making out in some secluded area in this library in the first place is because you wanted out." Paige reminded the girl coolly.
"What are you saying?" Emily shot back, getting upset that Paige was now blaming her when it was supposed to be a mutual decision.
"I'm saying all you need to do is tell me that you want to try again and I'll forget this girl or any other girl for that matter. It's always been up to you." Paige pointed out as she showed the piece of paper to Emily.
"You're a big girl, Paige. You can do whatever you want. You don't need my permission." Emily responded, trying to seem unaffected. She can't believe Paige was getting mad at her for a decision they made together.
Paige stood up, upset by the girl's stubbornness. "Then I guess I'm going out on a date for grown-up girls." She declared as she gathered her things quickly. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go make plans for tonight." She said, not bothering to hide her anger as she turned around to leave.
Paige took her time heading for the stairs, waiting for Emily to run after her, maybe call out to her and ask her to stay. But the girl didn't. When she finally reached the ground floor, Paige crumpled the piece of paper the girl handed to her earlier and threw it in the trashcan near the exit before pushing the door open and stepping outside, a cold wind blowing past her fueling her bad mood. Paige took a deep breath to calm herself and zipped her jacket before heading for the parking lot to get to her car.
I don't want anyone else. I just want you.
"What time did she say she's going to arrive?" Reese asked Paige, raising her voice to be heard above the sound of the loud music playing on the speakers at ICandy on a Saturday night.
"I don't know! She said thirty minutes!" Paige shouted as she moved to the side to avoid a couple dancing energetically. She looked around the crowded club, trying to find a vacant table.
Paige called Reese earlier that day to confirm that her friend was still coming tonight and she was surprised when the girl admitted that she thought Paige was mad at her. She felt embarrassed and clarified that she wasn't. Just upset about her situation with Emily so she bolted. Paige apologized for taking it out on Reese and asked the girl to come with her and Kayla tonight at ICandy and they were all supposed to go together but Kayla told her at the last minute to go ahead and that she'll just catch up to them.
"This way!" Reese called out, grabbing Paige's hand and leading the way upstairs where she spotted a vacant table when the crowd parted for a few seconds.
"Oh my god I feel like everybody's sweat just transferred to me." Paige said when she and Reese finally reached the table and sat down on two of the chairs. "I haven't even attempted to dance and already I'm sweaty." She complained, trying to wipe the sweat off her arms.
"I'm just glad I'm still wearing clothes when I got here." Reese commented. "For a while there I thought I was going to lose my dress!"
Paige laughed. "I don't think your dress is going anywhere." She told Reese reassuringly, staring hard at the black sexy halter dress the girl was wearing. "Are you even really wearing a dress or is that body paint?" She asked, leaning forward to poke the girl's abdomen playfully.
"Ha. Ha." Reese uttered, grabbing Paige's forefinger and pushing it back towards the girl. "Careful newbie, I'm starting to think you're getting a little crush on me." She said teasingly.
Paige gave out a short laugh. "Oh you wish. I never fall for my friends." She shot back.
"There's always a first time, newbie. Never say never." Reese said cryptically. "Now how will this Kayla chick find us in this crowd?" She asked, looking around them.
"I wouldn't worry about it. Kayla's used to these scenes." Paige replied. "Told ya." She suddenly said, waving when she spotted Kayla making her way towards them. Paige slowly lowered her hand and the smile on her lips disappeared when she noticed that the girl wasn't alone.
"Oh please tell me that stunner walking behind her isn't Emily." Reese begged, knowing Paige was still dealing with the girl's rejection.
"I wish I could." Paige heard herself say, her mouth going dry and the butterflies in her stomach doing somersaults while increasing tenfold when she saw Emily's mini burgundy dress that has cut outs on each side and on the center and a tight fit all around, leaving little to the imagination.
"Hey!" Kayla enthusiastically said in greeting when she got to them. "I hope you two don't mind but I decided to invite Emily." She said before glancing at the girl standing next to her.
"No it's fine." Paige replied, giving Emily a strained smile knowing the two of them didn't want Kayla to suspect something was wrong. "This is Reese by the way." She told Kayla, gesturing to the girl seated across her.
Kayla smiled at the girl. "I figured you're the infamous Reese. I'm Kayla." She said, extending her hand as she introduced herself.
"Nice to finally meet you. Your culinary skills precede you." Reese said good-naturedly, shaking Kayla's hand.
"Well I do make a mean peanut butter and jelly sandwich but don't tell anyone." Kayla joked, taking the compliment in stride.
The two girls laughed but stopped to clear their throats when they realized that they were the only ones talking. They glanced at Emily and Paige and saw that the two girls were just staring at each other and the music in the club was slowly being drowned out by the tension that Reese and Kayla could feel it.
Reese abruptly stood up. "You know what? We're at a club so we should get drinks with lots of alcohol in it." She suggested, grabbing Kayla's arm. "I'm assuming you have a fake ID so come with me." She added, leaving the two girls alone.
Paige finally averted her eyes from Emily and stared at the dance floor, seemingly fascinated by the gyrating crowd below.
"Maybe I should just leave." Emily offered, feeling awkward just standing there like a post.
Paige shook her head. "No. Stay. You're Kayla's guest." She reminded the girl, pulling out the chair next to her and offering it to Emily before looking away again.
Emily bit her bottom lip and sat down next to the girl, making a conscious effort to put some distance between them. "I borrowed some cookbooks from Kayla and she invited me when she found out I had no plans tonight. We went back to my room in Harrison that's why she was late getting here." She said, feeling like she had to explain herself to Paige. "Don't get mad at her for inviting me."
"I'm not mad at Kayla." Paige said, wishing the two girls would hurry back with their drinks.
"But you're mad at me." Emily guessed.
"No. I'm not." Paige replied, her eyes focused on the dance floor.
"Then why didn't you invite me to come tonight?" Emily asked, hurt.
"Don't take it personally. I don't exactly know your schedule these days. I didn't know if you went home for the weekend or if you're out on a date with Gary somewhere." Paige explained coolly.
"You could've called to ask." Emily pointed out.
"Then I guess that's one more thing to add to your growing list of my screw-ups." Paige suggested, barely able to hide the bitterness she felt.
"I'm going to go home on Wednesday for my dad's going away party anyway so I chose not to go home this weekend." Emily replied, ignoring Paige's verbal attack. "And I don't have a date tonight. That's why I accepted Kayla's invitation." She continued.
"So you could find one here?" Paige guessed, glancing at Emily's outfit. "It's not like you wore that dress for my benefit."
"Yeah. Why would I do that?" Emily replied, now feeling like an idiot.
When Kayla invited her to come tonight and said she's going out with Paige and Reese, Emily immediately thought of wearing this dress, hoping to get some sort of reaction from the girl other than apathy. After their fight yesterday morning in the library, it was clear that Paige was set on seeing other girls and it hurt Emily that the girl told her it's always been up to her what happens between them. Like Paige didn't need to prove anything to her and she should just accept what the girl was saying to her at face value. If Paige can go out and look for other girls, so can she.
"Did you know Kayla was meeting me and Reese?" Paige asked, looking at the crowd again.
"Yeah." Emily admitted.
"So why did you still come?" Paige continued, looking at Emily this time, hoping the girl would just admit that she wanted to see her.
"What happened to the girl you met in the library?" Emily asked in reply.
"Nothing." Paige answered. "I lost her number."
"So I guess you're here to find one as well. A date." Emily clarified. "Like you I'm just here trying to find someone to spend Saturday night with. Maybe we can help each other out." She suggested.
Paige shrugged and returned her gaze to the crowd below. "Do whatever you want." She told the girl indifferently.
"You think it's a good idea? Leaving those two alone?" Kayla asked, craning her neck to see above the crowd of dancers to check on Emily and Paige. "'Cos I don't want to bury one of them. It's too soon for me." She added, looking at Reese worriedly.
"Don't worry. They'll be fine." Reese said, glancing behind her before getting back to the Cosmo she was nursing.
The two of them were sitting at the bar, choosing to get drinks there rather than return to the two girls who obviously needed to be alone right now. Reese had to restrain Kayla from heading back saying there are some things the two needed to talk about in private, offering to buy Kayla drinks if the girl sat with her for a few minutes.
"They didn't even notice we haven't come back with their drinks and it's been thirty minutes." Kayla pointed out. "What do they have to talk about?" She asked, giving Reese a confused look.
Reese inclined her head to the side, contemplating whether or not to ask Kayla her question. She has no idea how much the girl knows about what's been happening between Emily and Paige and she didn't want to accidentally spill something that the two girls were obviously trying to hide. She took a sip of her drink before speaking.
"Let me ask you something. What's your stand on the two seeing each other? Like in public?" Reese clarified. "Would it be weird for you? I mean, Paige told me you're Jai's sister. Are you okay with Emily seeing your sister's best friend this soon?"
"It's going to be weird for a while but not just for me but for a lot of people." Kayla admitted, playing with the straw of her Sex on the Beach drink. "And probably hard especially for my dad. To see Emily move on from my sister when it hasn't even been a year since she died. Not that we don't want her to be happy or that she has to wait for a certain time to be with someone new." She added hurriedly. "I want Paige to be happy. And Emily too. And ever since my sister died those two have been comforting each other. Helping each other get past what happened..."
"So you think it's their grief that brought them together. You don't think it's the real deal between them?" Reese guessed. "I'm not judging you or anything. I don't even know their story before they came to UPenn. When I met Paige she admitted that she's liked Emily for years. So in my opinion I don't think it's grief on her part. Why she's drawn to Emily."
"I don't either." Kayla agreed. "I know Paige has liked Emily since they were freshmen. It's Emily that I'm worried about. Paige is the closest thing in her life right now that still connects her to Jai. And if Emily isn't sure... if the only reason she's spending time with Paige is because she wants to hold on to a part of Jai that she sees in Paige... then Paige is going to get hurt. And I don't think I can take that. To see Paige suffer all over again. To see Paige's heart get broken. And considering it already was even before she met Emily..."
"How... long have you been in love with Paige?" Reese suddenly asked.
"Since I hit puberty." Kayla admitted. "But she doesn't know so please don't tell her!" She begged.
Reese's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow." She uttered. "This is... and I thought my life had drama." She commented wryly, taking another sip of her drink.
"That girl seems interested." Emily suggested, subtly nodding her head to a girl looking at her and Paige from another table.
"I think I'll pass." Paige said without even looking at the girl Emily was referring to.
"Ooh... how about her?" Emily continued, ignoring Paige's flippant attitude as she nodded her head towards another table.
"Nope." Paige answered, her gaze still on the dance floor. "Not my type."
"But she seems nice. And you haven't even seen her yet. Just take a look." Emily insisted.
"Stop it." Paige said curtly, looking at Emily bitterly.
"What?" Emily asked, confused.
"I don't want to meet anyone tonight." Paige answered, annoyed.
"But I thought we were going to help each other meet someone?" Emily pointed out. "Why did you agree with me?"
"I didn't agree. I said do whatever you want. I'm not letting you pick some random girl for yourself in this place." Paige said, barely able to hide the bitterness she was feeling. Even if she was frustrated at the girl... like hell she'd let Emily go home with someone who's going to take advantage of her.
"Thanks but I can take care of myself." Emily reminded the girl seated next to her.
Paige scoffed. "Yeah. I'm sitting here doing this because I think you're helpless." She said sarcastically.
"Then why are you doing this?" Emily asked, her voice hoarse, waiting for Paige to talk to her.
"Excuse me." Emily and Paige looked towards the direction of the voice and saw a girl sporting a pixie haircut standing above them with a blue drink in hand.
"Yeah?" Emily said, a little annoyed that she and Paige were interrupted.
"Someone wanted you to have this." The girl continued, handing the drink to Emily.
"Oh. Um, thank you." Emily replied, looking around to try to see who the drink was from. Her gaze stopped at a girl sitting with a couple of other girls in a booth a few steps away from where she and Paige were seated when the girl raised her own blue drink towards Emily.
Paige followed Emily's line of sight and studied the girl. "She seems okay." She said after a beat.
"I'm gonna go talk to her." Emily decided, standing up.
Paige nodded wordlessly and watched as Emily sat down beside the girl and started a conversation, forcing herself to look away but can't because she wanted to make sure that Emily would be fine.
"Hi." Paige momentarily averted her eyes from Emily when she heard a voice next to her. "I can't help but notice that you're alone. Mind if I sat here and kept you company?" The girl asked flirtatiously.
"Yeah. I do. Every seat here is taken." Paige answered rudely, looking at Emily again. She wasn't in the mood for company right now.
"Bitch. No wonder that girl just left you." The girl commented before walking away.
Not really the reason but why not add that to the list as well? Paige thought as she wearily ran a hand through her hair. She groaned when she saw another girl seemingly walking towards her. Do I have a sign that says 'I'm in a foul mood tonight but hey, try your luck anyway?!'
Emily tried to listen to what the girl seated next to her was saying but her eyes kept drifting back to Paige and how she kept shaking her head to any girl who came up to her to start a conversation. Paige's behavior since Wednesday night baffled her.
The girl went from understanding (they both agreed to stop things between them.)
To indifferent (when she got those flowers in class.)
To angry (Paige blamed her yesterday morning for why they're not together.)
To supportive (now the girl was helping her meet someone.)
And Emily didn't know which Paige to respond to. She became grateful (for Paige saying she understood.)
To hurt (that Paige couldn't care less when someone became interested in her.)
To indignant (when she told the girl to do whatever she wanted.)
To accepting (that Paige really didn't like her that much since she was willing to give up so easily.)
As Emily continued to steal glances at Paige from across the room, she realized now why she was trying to move past what happened. It was because it doesn't matter if Paige was all of those things. She could understand, be indifferent, angry and supportive but the end result is the same. Paige never tried to keep her and that really hurt.
Paige leaned forward against the railing of the balcony in her apartment, staring absentmindedly at the well-lighted streets below. It's already past midnight but she could tell that there were still a lot of people loitering. The entire night was a disaster. Reese and Kayla finally came back with the drinks and while she was annoyed at them for pulling that getting-drinks-to-let-them-talk scheme on her and Emily, she just didn't have it in her to rant. She just wanted to leave the club. Emily finally joined them again and Paige spent the rest of the night talking to Reese while Emily spent her time talking to Kayla. When it became obvious that the night wasn't going to improve, Reese finally decided to say out loud what all of them were thinking. Let's go home.
So they did. With the mood she and Emily were in, their group didn't look like four attractive girls who are ready to let loose and have fun. Their group looked like they needed to go to therapy. Paige offered to drive Reese and Emily back to Harrison but Emily said she needed to go back to Kayla's because she left her jacket there earlier. Reese said she wasn't planning on going back to Harrison just yet so in the end, Reese left their company and Paige drove back to her apartment building with Kayla and Emily.
With a last look at the view below her, Paige straightened up and opened the door to the balcony to head inside her apartment, deciding to try to get some sleep before she had to start her training. She hurriedly made her way to the front door when she heard an urgent knocking.
"What?" Paige asked when she saw Emily standing outside.
"I've been knocking on your door for ten minutes. Were you in the bathroom or something?" Emily replied.
"I was at the balcony. I didn't hear you." Paige explained. "What do you want?"
"To say goodnight. I just got my jacket back from Kayla and I'm headed home." Emily said, showing the red UPenn jacket she was wearing. "I didn't want to leave without telling you."
Paige studied Emily's dress and the jacket she was wearing which barely reached the girl's thighs. "I'm driving you home." She decided.
Emily shook her head. The last thing she wanted was to spend more time alone with Paige. "That's not really necessary..."
"I am not letting you ride a bus at this hour wearing next to nothing." Paige said firmly, her hand gripping the doorknob tight. "I'm driving you home. Let me just get my keys." She added, heading for the living room.
Emily entered the apartment before she lost her nerve and locked the door behind her. "I'm not riding in a car with you until you and I talk." She decided.
Paige turned around, surprised. "That's a first. What do you want to talk about?" She asked offhandedly.
Emily studied Paige's face for a moment, trying to decide which Paige she's talking to right now. She knew the girl was studying her face as well and she felt like they were playing an emotional game of spin-the-wheel, the colorful wheel with all these emotions spinning round and round and finally slowing down to display the real emotion they've been feeling all this time. Emily saw the anger in Paige's eyes the same time Paige saw the hurt in Emily's.
Paige averted her eyes and began walking the length of her living room, trying to control the anger and jealousy she was feeling all this time.
"I thought we agreed it was better to stop things before it got intense? You said those words." Emily reminded Paige as she watched the girl pace the living room, the girl's posture rigid.
Paige stopped in her tracks and faced Emily. "Because it's what you wanted. I never said I agreed to it." She argued.
"You said you're fine with it." Emily pointed out.
"Because it's what you wanted." Paige repeated, barely able to hide her frustration. "What was I supposed to do when in your mind you think I'm just playing you?"
"That's the problem. You gave up too easily." Emily said, looking away.
But Paige saw the hurt in the girl's eyes and she snapped. "So now it's my fault?!" She asked incredulously, unable to believe that Emily was the one feeling hurt after what happened. "You're the one who's scared!"
Emily stared disbelievingly at Paige. "I have good reason to be scared. I needed you to reassure me that you do like me but instead you just told me that it's fine if we stopped. You didn't even try!" She exclaimed.
Paige scoffed. "Oh. Wow. My bad. I'm sorry I wasn't being obvious enough everytime I kiss you back." She shot back sarcastically. "I tried, Em. Don't tell me I didn't. If I didn't like you I wouldn't have agreed to sneak around. I would've told you to just forget about it because I'm not that interested anyway. But I didn't. Because I really wanted to be with you. Even if we have to keep it from everyone else just as long as I get to be with you. That's how much I like you." She pointed out, unable to hide the bitterness she was feeling. "But you didn't even consider that when you decided to stop what we were doing. The only thought you had was that I'm a player and that I wasn't serious about you."
"That wasn't the only thing going through my mind. It's the fact that you could lie so easily about your past." Emily admitted. "If you could lie about something that big, it's not hard for you to lie about your feelings for me."
"I may have lied to you about my life but I'm not lying about my feelings for you." Paige said earnestly.
"Then why won't you tell me the truth about Cesca?" Emily challenged. "Why would she tell me to run for the hills? Why did she say that you ruined her life? What did you do?" She asked, pleading for Paige to tell her something. But the girl was on the defense.
"That's what scared you?! Because you think I did something that ruined her life? Em, you've known Cesca for a few months. How could you take her word against mine?" Paige asked, hurt.
"Because you never said anything, Paige. You just brushed it off and expected me to let it go." Emily replied. "What was I supposed to think? And now you're mad at me for wanting out?"
"For the last time. I'm not mad." Paige said, looking away.
"Yes you are." Emily insisted, her throat constricting. "I kept asking if you're mad and you kept saying no but the truth is you are." She continued, tears of hurt finally spilling from her eyes. "You said we could still hang out even if we weren't kissing but since Thursday I feel like you've been punishing me for backing out." She confessed, wiping the tears from her eyes as she choked back a sob.
"I have feelings, Emily. Just because I said we could hang out doesn't mean it's going to be soon." Paige admitted, wishing the girl would stop crying. She couldn't bear to see Emily this way. "I spent four days holding you in my arms and I know you still don't believe me but those four days were the happiest I've ever been in a while. It's not easy being around you after you told me you made a mistake."
"I said I think I made a mistake." Emily corrected, drying her eyes.
"Even so. You still told me it's a mistake and that hurt." Paige admitted. "I'm sorry if you felt like I was punishing you. I wasn't. I'm just dealing with what happened. Trying to come to terms with what we're supposed to be now."
"Which is what?" Emily asked hoarsely.
"I don't know." Paige replied, looking at Emily helplessly. "I don't think I could ever be just friends with you."
"Are you giving me an ultimatum?" Emily guessed, her stomach churning. "You're telling me that I'm going to lose you if I don't decide to be more than friends with you?"
"No. I'm not." Paige replied, shaking her head.
"Yes you are." Emily argued. "You're giving me an ultimatum. All or nothing. Either we're more than friends or we're nothing at all. That's not fair, Paige."
Paige wearily ran a hand through her hair. Emily was right. But it's the other way around. "I know it's not. I'm sorry if I was giving off that vibe." She said sincerely. "I'm not giving you an ultimatum. On the contrary, you're giving me one."
"What?" Emily uttered, confused. "When did I impose an ultimatum?"
"The second you expected us to go back to being friends after what happened." Paige replied. "You want me to be your friend despite knowing that I still like you as more than one. I can't do that. So you're giving me an ultimatum."
"So what, you're going to make a choice between being my friend and staying away?" Emily guessed. "Paige I don't want that."
"Neither do I. But I don't know what to do anymore." Paige admitted, not meeting Emily's eyes. "Come on. It's getting really late. I'll drive you home." She said, walking past the girl to head outside her apartment. So much for getting any sleep tonight. She had a decision to make.
Emily entered Café Prima on a Monday afternoon, steeling herself for another four hours of grueling shift. Wednesday couldn't come fast enough for her so she could leave UPenn and go home to Rosewood for a few days, away from the drama that's been her life for the past two weeks. At least Rosewood was a lot bigger than UPenn. The chances of her running into Paige there must be a bit lower compared to here especially if she locked herself in her room for the duration of the break.
Last Saturday Paige practically told her that the girl was going to make a choice about their relationship. Where it goes from here. Paige thought it wasn't fair to make Emily choose so she's doing the choosing herself. Which, for Emily, still doesn't seem fair since Paige's choice affects her. But the girl was adamant that it's the right step to take. Emily wasn't willing to be more than friends with her and Paige wasn't willing to be her friend. One of them had to give way.
Emily was about to head for the counter when she stopped in her tracks and noticed that Paige was already seated on the loveseat but Reese was nowhere to be found. She contemplated walking over to the girl but decided against it at the last minute, choosing to pretend she didn't see Paige. Prolonging the agony. She went to the back room and donned her apron, checking her reflection in the small mirror in front of the sink before stepping outside again. She busied herself with doing a quick inventory of everything and turned around to start her shift when she found herself staring into Paige's brown eyes.
"Hey." Paige said lightly in greeting.
"Uh, hey." Emily replied, wondering if Paige was just putting on a show or if the girl was genuinely in a better mood today. "You're early."
Paige nodded. "I know. There's no track practice today so I got here early. I was actually just waiting for you. I'm headed upstairs to hang out with Reese."
"Oh. Okay. Why were you waiting for me?" Emily asked anxiously. She's made a decision.
"I just wanted to apologize for what happened last Saturday. And for the way I've been behaving in the past few days. It won't happen again." Paige promised. "I also wanted to tell you that I've made up my mind." She continued. "I had a few days to think about it and while I didn't realize it sooner, last Saturday you made me realize it. It is all or nothing between us. That's one of my flaws when it comes to you." She admitted. "But it's not that simple."
"What do you mean?" Emily asked cautiously.
Paige gave the girl a faint smile. "I mean I like you. A lot. I like you so much that I know it's not just either or between us. It's if-then and I am willing to give you what you want." She began. "If you want me to be more than a friend then I can't be your friend anymore because I will cross that line and I don't plan on going back. I can't." She admitted, taking a deep breath. "If you want me to just be a friend from here on out then I will never cross that line because you don't want me to. Either way my decision still means it's all or nothing." She explained. "I don't want to lose you, Em. So even if it's not what I…"
"Emily." Paige turned her head to her left when she heard the voice, surprised to see Gary Chambers standing next to her.
Gary looked at the two girls, suddenly realizing she interrupted something. "Oh. Sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I thought you were a customer." She told Paige apologetically.
Paige shook her head. "It's okay. You're not interrupting anything. I was just leaving." She admitted. Paige looked at Emily, giving the girl a sad smile before facing Gary, her decision made. "I don't believe we've met. My name's Paige McCullers." She said, extending a hand. "Emily's friend."
Emily didn't hear the rest of the conversation between the two girls as she rested her palms on the counter for support, feeling like her world was reeling when she heard Paige's decision. She looked on as Paige exited the café, barely paying attention to Gary as she fought the urge to breakdown. Paige's decision. All or nothing. They can be friends. But nothing more. And that devastated her knowing it meant Paige just really gave up on her.
"Are you going to eat that?" Spencer asked, pointing to the sweet potato fries on Emily's plate and exchanging plates with the girl when Emily shook her head. "What's the matter with you? You barely touched your lunch."
Emily tore her gaze away from outside the quad and returned her attention to her friend. "Just thinking about stuff." She answered vaguely.
"Stuff like what?" Spencer asked, looking at her friend with concern.
"Like whether I should skip the seminar tomorrow morning to go home to Rosewood so I can prepare for my dad's going away party that night." Emily explained. And the fact that I've been friend-zoned by Paige yesterday.
"Well as much as I would love to help you out with that one I'm stuck here until Thanksgiving Day." Spencer revealed. "I have all of these reports that I need to submit by Thursday afternoon so I won't be able to go back to Rosewood until it's actually time to have Thanksgiving dinner. I'm just glad Connor is willing to stay with me."
"He's your boyfriend, Spence. Of course he's going to stay." Emily pointed out. "I just don't know what to do. If I stay for the seminar tomorrow I won't be able to prepare for my dad's going away party tomorrow night and I really want to throw that party for him."
"There will be other seminars, Em." Spencer reminded the girl.
"I know that. But I'm really interested in the one being held tomorrow." Emily admitted. "And if my dad finds out I know he's going to convince me to stay for the seminar and just go home in the afternoon. I don't want my mom to slave all day in the kitchen. The plan was for her to spend time with my dad all day while I cook in the house."
Spencer gave her friend a sympathetic look. "Then you need to find a private transportation so you can leave for Rosewood once that seminar is over. It'd be faster. If you want I can ask Connor to drive back with you and I'll just take the bus on Thursday." She offered.
Emily shook her head. "No way. I'm not stealing your boyfriend to drive me home." She protested. "I'll just think of something." She added, resting her head on her hands warily.
"Just the two ladies I've been looking for." Emily looked up when she heard Reese's voice and watched the girl approach the table they were occupying in Café McClelland, getting flustered when she saw Paige not far behind.
"What's up?" Spencer asked Reese, oblivious to Emily's reaction.
"Just wanted to remind the two of you that the dodge ball tournament's after the break in case I don't cross paths with either of you again. I'm leaving for Pittsburgh this afternoon." Reese added before focusing her attention to Emily. "You better show up."
"I'll make it this time." Emily promised, quickly averting her eyes from Paige when she saw the girl looking at her.
"What's wrong?" Paige suddenly asked, making Emily look at her again. "Sorry. You just seem preoccupied." She explained.
Emily contemplated telling Paige her problem before deciding against it. "Nothing." She answered, catching Spencer's curious stare.
"Maybe you could help." Spencer said, looking at Paige. "Em here has a seminar tomorrow morning she wants to attend but that would mean getting home in the afternoon just in time for the going away party for her dad. She's torn between skipping it so she can cook for her dad or attending it and just letting her mom do all the work." She explained. "What's your take?"
"Oh." Paige uttered, placing her hands inside the pockets of her jeans. "I say two hands are better than one." She began, hoping what she was about to do was in the being-a-good-friend category. She didn't know how to be a friend to Emily. "I was planning on going home to Rosewood this afternoon but I don't mind staying one more night. I can give you a ride home after the seminar tomorrow and then help with the party. I'm not a good cook but I'm good with washing dishes." She offered.
Emily bit her bottom lip, unable to decide with three pairs of eyes staring at her.
"I have a class I need to get to." Paige said when she checked the time on her watch. "Text me if you've made a decision. I'll be leaving around five today." She added before walking away with Reese in tow.
Emily sat on one of the couches in the lobby of Harrison on Wednesday morning, her stomach in knots as she waited for Paige to arrive. Yesterday, close to five in the afternoon, she finally decided to text Paige that she's accepting the girl's offer to give her a ride back to Rosewood once her seminar was done and then spent the rest of the night thinking about what she and Paige would talk about the entire drive home. They were going to be alone in a car for more than three hours. The last time they spent hours in Paige's car not talking was when Paige was busy giving her hickeys and she was busy giving Paige tongue.
This was a bad idea. Emily thought, leaning forward on the couch and resting her head on her hands, willing her nerves to calm down. Any minute now Paige is going to show up outside Harrison and she needed to appear calm.
"Hey." Emily lost her balance when she heard Paige's voice in front of her, her elbow losing contact with her knee that she wobbled for a bit.
"Sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." Paige said apologetically. "Have you been waiting long?"
Emily shook her head, getting up. "No. I haven't. I just got here." She admitted. "You could've just texted to tell me you were outside. I would've come out."
"I figured you needed help with your things so I thought I'd meet you here instead." Paige explained, walking towards Emily to grab the girl's duffel bag before she could protest. "Let's go."
Emily wordlessly followed Paige outside to where the girl's SUV was parked a few steps away from Harrison, steeling herself for hours of riding in silence with the girl when the passenger door opened and Kayla alighted from inside the vehicle.
"Hey, Em." Kayla said in greeting.
"Kayla. I thought you weren't going home until tomorrow?" Emily asked, confused.
"Paige told me you needed help with the party tonight so I decided to miss school today. You said you were going to call me if you needed help." Kayla reminded the girl.
"I know. It slipped my mind with everything that's been happening lately." Emily admitted. "What are you doing?" She asked when she saw Kayla open the door to the backseat.
"Changing places with you. You get to ride shotgun." Kayla explained enthusiastically.
"You don't have to do that. I'm fine riding in the backseat." Emily hurriedly said.
"I want to sleep before I start cooking so I don't mind, really." Kayla told the girl reassuringly.
"It's Kayla's ritual when she's about to cook massive amounts of food." Paige chimed in before Emily could protest. "Just let her."
Emily walked towards the rear of the car when she saw Paige pull it open to place her duffel bag with the rest of their things. "Did you ask her to come along?" She muttered under her breath while pretending to help the girl.
"I didn't want things to be awkward between us on the way." Paige admitted, smiling at Emily faintly.
Emily exhaled in relief before following Paige and riding in the front, buckling her seatbelt just as Paige started the car.
"It's so roomy back here." Kayla suddenly commented, making Emily and Paige turn around to see the girl already lying face up on the backseat, her eyes fixed on the roof of Paige's car. "It's probably easier to make out in backseats of cars than in the front. You have to be really flexible to be able to move around in that tight space." She continued absentmindedly.
"It's easy." Paige and Emily answered at the same time, making Kayla look at them in surprise.
"I've done it lots of times in my dad's car so I'm used to it." Paige explained offhandedly, facing forward before Kayla could see the look of panic in her and Emily's eyes. "You've probably done it with Jai too, right?" She asked, turning to face Emily.
"My dad's Aston Martin is really cramped and it would take a contortionist to make out there." Kayla answered before Emily could. "I'm going to go with no, she and Jai never made out in a car. Which begs the question, how would you know it's easy?" She asked, looking at Emily as well.
"I meant I think it's easy. Not that I know it is." Emily managed to say in a normal voice despite the panic she was feeling, avoiding the two pairs of eyes staring at her.
"Okay then. Now that that's cleared up, let's go back to Rosewood." Paige said, trying to sound enthusiastic. She turned on the car's stereo and an upbeat music began to blast on the speakers as she shifted the gear to drive, all the while hoping they won't be caught in traffic on the way home.
"We're here." Paige said as she gently stepped on the brakes and came to a stop in front of Emily's house four and a half hours later. "Made it in record time considering the traffic. You still have a few hours left to cook, right?" She asked, looking at the girl seated next to her.
Emily nodded, unbuckling her seatbelt. "Yeah. Thanks again for doing this." She said, smiling at Paige nervously.
"I figured that's what friends do." Paige said like she had to remind herself that that was the reason why she did it in the first place.
"Right." Emily muttered, looking at Paige.
Paige met Emily's gaze, wondering what to do next. "So I have to go back for Kayla at the grocery." She finally said after a minute of silence passed between them.
"Were you telling the truth earlier?" Emily suddenly asked, choosing to ignore Paige's comment before she lost her nerve.
"About what?" Paige replied even though she knew what Emily was referring to.
"About kissing lots of girls in your father's car." Emily clarified.
When she heard Paige say those words earlier to Kayla, Emily felt nauseous. She let Paige be that intimate with her and the thought that the girl did the exact same thing, probably even more, with other girls in the past, really hurt. A part of her didn't want to believe it. That it was something that they shared for the first time. And she wanted to ask that question ever since they left UPenn.
"Who's asking?" Paige said quietly. "I want to know who's asking. Is it the girl I'm supposed to be just friends with now or the girl I still like?" She asked, meeting Emily's gaze. "Because you can't be both. All or nothing." She added.
Emily contemplated the answer she would like to hear. "I'm asking as the girl you kissed for four hours inside this car." She finally said, her pulse racing.
"Then no." Paige said in all honesty. "You're the first girl I kissed inside this car or inside any car for that matter. The first girl I kissed under the rain." She admitted. "And you're the only girl I would ever want to do that with."
Emily felt her throat constrict. "Are you coming to the party tonight?" She asked hoarsely.
"I don't know. Maybe." Paige replied.
"I want you there." Emily admitted.
Paige smiled. "Then I'll be there." She promised. "You should head inside so you can start cooking. I'll be back with Kayla with the rest of the ingredients as soon as I can."
"Okay." Emily said. And before she could stop herself, she leaned across the seat and kissed Paige on the cheek softly. "Thank you." She whispered before alighting from the car and heading for the front door, never looking back at Paige for fear that the girl will see the regret in her eyes.
"I don't know how you did it." Kayla said as she diced another potato while staring outside the kitchen window at Paige. "That girl likes to sit in a corner at parties. She's not comfortable mingling with guests."
Emily looked up from dicing the carrots and stared outside the window at Paige as well. "I guess I just have supreme powers of mind control." She answered lightly.
The two girls were currently in the middle of cooking dinner for the party that night. Most of the foods were already done and they were just preparing the last dish, just in time for when Wayne and Pam would arrive. Paige tried to help with the cooking. But they soon learned that the girl wasn't exactly gifted with culinary skills so Emily asked if Paige could entertain the guests in the backyard while she and Kayla took care of the food.
"Well whatever you said to her, I'm just saying it's the first time she's actually mingled with the guests and enjoyed it. And considering she doesn't even know the people here, that's huge." Kayla commented, turning on the stove to start heating the pan.
Emily finished dicing all the carrots and handed them to Kayla, washing the dishes while the other girl busied herself with cooking the Picadillo. Emily took the opportunity to study Paige, watching the girl as Paige played with her five-year-old cousin Eli. When the boy playfully pushed Paige and the girl ended up sitting on the ground butt first, Emily thought Paige was just going to get up and dust herself off but instead the girl started to laugh before grabbing Eli and tickling the boy, a strand of hair making its way to Paige's eyes and that second was captured in Emily's mind. Like a Polaroid shot of a candid moment and Emily felt her breath hitch at the sight of Paige looking happy and carefree.
I want her back.
"Do you mind if I ask you something?" Emily began, averting her eyes from Paige to look at Kayla.
"What is it?" Kayla replied as she poured some olive oil into the pan.
"You've been going to Girard for years. Do you know of a Cesca who went there with Paige and Jai?" Emily asked, getting straight to the point.
"Uh... I only know of one Cesca. And that's Cesca Thomas. She used to come over all the time at our house in Philly before we moved here." Kayla answered. "She was one of Jai's closest friends back in Girard so obviously Cesca was part of the popular crowd. She's also best friends with Ria Figueroa." She revealed.
"Figueroa. Why does that name sound familiar?" Emily asked herself out loud, racking her brain.
Kayla glanced at Emily before sautéing the onions and garlic. "Probably because it's the name of the family Jai stayed with in London." She supplied.
Emily nodded. "Right. Well do you know what happened to Paige back in Girard? Cesca's on my swim team and a few days ago they crossed paths and there seems to be some bad blood between them." She admitted.
Kayla shook her head "Sorry. I didn't really know Paige until Jai introduced me to her after she saved her life." She explained. "And other than Paige, Jai's friends weren't really mine. I tend to stay away from the older batches."
"Jai saved Paige's life?" Emily asked. Now she was really curious as to how the two girls met. And Kayla noticed it.
"Em. Do you still like Paige? Romantically?" Kayla asked cautiously. "Is that why you're asking me all these questions?"
"A little. But like I said, I'm not going to do anything about it anymore. It's going to go away eventually." Emily lied.
"Then don't bring this up when you're with her? Please? I can tell you're curious and you're itching to ask her all these questions. But please don't?" Kayla implored. "Paige... she had a hard time back in Girard. I know I said I didn't meet her until Jai introduced us. But I knew soon after that she had a hard life there. If you're asking all these questions because you're just curious... don't ask her."
"I know. It's just that Cesca said Jai left Girard and Philly for Paige. And when I asked her she confirmed it but she said that Jai kept the move a secret from her." Emily confessed, turning off the faucet so she could concentrate on talking to Kayla. "I just think it's weird. That Cesca seemed mad at Paige for Jai's decision to leave. Paige said Cesca's straight. So she couldn't have been jealous if one of them had feelings for the other..."
"What do you really want to know, Em?" Kayla asked as she added the ground pork.
"Did Jai... did she ever love Paige? As more than a friend?" Emily asked, looking away. She didn't know how she felt about that. Finding out that her girlfriend once loved the girl she now liked.
Kayla laughed. "Uh, no. Of the two of us, I'm the one with the romantic feelings for Paige. Em, you're the only girl my sister ever loved that way." She promised.
"Well that's the only reason I could think of as to why Jai would leave the life she had in Philly and Girard and move to Rosewood and transfer to a new school. I love my friends but I wouldn't go to those lengths for them." Emily admitted.
"Have you ever experienced fear? Not just fear of being alone in the dark or seeing a venomous snake or a poisonous spider. I'm talking about a fear so strong that it cripples you? It paralyzes you?" Kayla asked, glancing at Paige who was currently playing peek-a-boo with one of Emily's other cousins. "Jai did." She revealed, looking at Emily. "Twice. First with my mom, then when she almost lost Paige. She didn't show it. She kept a brave front the entire time. But I'm her sister so I know deep down she was terrified. Love is a strong reason to start a new life somewhere else. But so is fear." She pointed out. "Jai never loved Paige as more than a friend. But she loved her a lot. And if you didn't come into my sister's life, Paige will always be the most important person to Jai."
"I just feel like Paige has a lot of secrets and she won't tell me any of them. She's keeping me at a distance and it's frustrating." Emily confessed.
Kayla smiled at Emily understandingly. "Em, everyone has secrets. And the only way for you to know them is if you earn the unwavering trust of the person keeping them." She reminded the girl. "Paige's secrets aren't bad. I can tell you everything about Paige but it took me years to earn her trust and I'm not gonna throw that away." Kayla said apologetically. "You and Paige. Even if you've been in each other's lives for years it wasn't until recently that you've gotten close so you can't expect her to just willingly tell you about her life just because you asked her to." She added wryly. "I know you're frustrated. But getting mad at Paige won't make her open up to you. If anything, you'll only push her away."
"So what do I do?" Emily asked, her gaze drifting to Paige and saw that the girl was looking at her as well.
"Show her you're not going anywhere. That's a good place to start earning her trust." Kayla promised.
"Sorry the party got out of hand." Paige told Emily as she helped clean up the mess inside the girl's living room. "I probably shouldn't have given your little cousins ice cream. I had no idea it would make them so hyper." She admitted as she began to pick up empty plastic cups that littered the floor.
"It's fine. Just remember what happened tonight the next time you come to one of my family's gatherings." Emily heard herself say before she could process the meaning of those words, meeting Paige's surprised look. "I mean, in case you end up going again with some of my other friends." She clarified nervously. "You don't have to help me clean the entire place."
"I know. But I want to." Paige insisted. "It's kinda my fault that there's all this mess anyway considering it's supposed to be an adult going away party.
Emily surveyed the living room and shook her head wryly. The guests have all left and she bid goodbye to her dad a few hours ago, offering to stay to clean around the house while her mom saw her dad to the airport. Kayla left after spending a few hours at the party saying she had to cook again tomorrow for Thanksgiving with her dad so she wanted to turn in early. Paige decided to stay since Emily's cousins seem to be fond of her and she was the only one who could control them when she fed them sugar.
"Well thanks for helping me clean up." Emily said earnestly as she gathered more plastic cups from the floor.
Emily studied Paige out of the corner of her eye as the two of them went about cleaning around the room in silence. It's been a week since she decided to back out of what they were doing and although she and Paige have tried hanging out like nothing's changed, in the end Paige made her choice to just be Emily's friend even if the girl admitted earlier that she still likes Emily. So tonight, Emily felt like something was lacking. She was still attracted to the girl. And Paige was keeping her distance knowing Emily didn't want anything to happen. But the entire day Paige has been nothing but amazing.
"You're probably tired. You should get some rest." Paige insisted. "I'll just finish picking up these cups and then I'll start washing the dishes." She said as they headed for the kitchen.
"I'm fine. I just probably need some sugar in my system to keep me going. Too bad you fed all the ice cream to my cousins." Emily said teasingly as she sat on one of the chairs around the dining table.
"Ha. That's where you're wrong. I actually kept one hidden." Paige revealed, heading for the fridge and opening the freezer to get a pint-sized ice cream container. "I stopped by the old ice cream parlor on my way to pick up Kayla earlier." She admitted as she walked over to the kitchen counter to grab a clean spoon. "I don't know what it feels like. Having your dad leave for long periods of time and having to worry about his safety constantly. But I do know the joy you feel when he's around and when you find out he's coming home." Paige said earnestly. "I know today sucks for you. Throwing this party because your dad's leaving again and not being able to see him off because you want to make sure that when your mom gets home all she has to do is change and go to bed." She continued, sitting on a chair next to Emily and pushing the spoon and pint of ice cream towards the girl.
"Gold Medal Ribbon." Emily said, reading the flavor on the lid. "How did you know?" She asked, looking at Paige curiously.
"You didn't notice me that day since I was a few people behind you. I was in line to buy some ice cream for Kayla since she just got her wisdom tooth extracted and I saw you with your dad. He just got home from Afghanistan 'cos he was still wearing his army uniform but I guess he was as excited as you were to spend time together that's why the two of you went out to get ice cream." Paige explained, smiling a little. "You looked so happy that night and you were telling your dad about what he missed since he left. That you got yourself a girlfriend and that she's perfect and that you're happy." She added. "I guess I just wanted to see that smile again. It's been so long." Paige said quietly.
Emily stared at the pint of ice cream and then at Paige. It was because of things like this that made her feel confused. At least it used to. If she wasn't so set on thinking about Paige playing her, she would have realized that the Paige she knew for three years was gone. Replaced by the Paige sitting beside her tonight. The one Jai kept insisting was great. The one her girlfriend insisted she would like once she got to know. Jai was wrong. Paige is more than great. And she just didn't like Paige. She liked her a lot. Emily suddenly leaned forward, making Paige's heartbeat increase its tempo.
"It's just ice cream." Paige uttered nervously. Emily was sitting way too close to her she could smell the girl's shampoo. Before she knew it, Emily leaned in closer and kissed her softly on the lips.
"Thank you." Emily whispered when she broke the contact, her lips tingling. She forgot how much being this near to Paige affected her.
Paige cleared her throat. "You're welcome." She said hoarsely.
Paige didn't want to read too much into the kiss. She didn't want to ask Emily what it meant; scared to hope and hear that it was just a simple kiss. She felt her cheeks burning. Emily was the only girl who made her feel this flustered. She had game when it came to other girls but when she's with Emily she turns into a bumbling, awkward idiot. She was head over heels crazy about Emily and it hurt being alone with the girl and not being able to touch her because Emily didn't trust her. Paige averted her eyes; sure that Emily could see the emotions she was trying to hide and got up.
"I'll leave you to your ice cream and go back to cleaning." Paige said before heading back to the living room.
Emily watched Paige's retreating form, disappointed. It was brief but she saw it in Paige's eyes. The girl wanted her. She gave Paige the opening to kiss her back but the girl decided not to make a move and she understood Paige's hesitance. The girl thought not being friends with her would mean not being a part of her life so Paige was trying to be her friend instead. The girl was keeping her word. All or nothing. She's Emily's friend and nothing else.
In the past Emily would have been happy about that. That Paige finally acknowledged the fact that they're friends. But she didn't want Paige to be her friend now. She said stop and now that she wants to go again she doesn't know how to tell Paige. Because while she accused Paige of being a player, right now she's the one playing with Paige's feelings and not the other way around.
Eight Years Ago...
Paige trudged towards her locker, feeling more sluggish than usual. She has a class to get to in a few minutes but she didn't have the energy to hurry up. Lately she's been feeling a lot more pessimistic but she didn't know how to explain it so she kept it to herself. She didn't want Jai and Ria to worry about her. They have enough things to deal with without her adding to the mix. She tried to dial her locker combination and pursed her lips as she concentrated on remembering the numbers.
"Hello, leech." Paige stiffened when she heard Cesca's voice behind her. Slowly turning around, she steeled herself and faced her former friend.
"Excuse me?" Paige asked, wondering why Cesca used that word.
Cesca sneered. "Why do you look surprised? You are, aren't you? A leech?" She repeated, the disdain dripping in her voice.
"I'm not a leech." Paige said, offended.
"Yes you are. You attach yourself to the popular girls and then suck the life out of them." Cesca said accusingly. "You're a leech."
"I'm not a leech." Paige repeated, looking around her for a way out. But everywhere she looked all she saw were girls giving her the same look as Cesca. There was nowhere to run.
"Really. Then explain to me how two of the most popular girls in our school just dropped off the face of the social scene when they began spending more time with you?" Cesca asked, leaning forward so she was practically in Paige's face.
"I- I don't know. Ask them. Why are you complaining anyway?" Paige answered, standing her ground. "You're the most popular girl in school now. Isn't that what you wanted?"
Cesca stepped back, giving Paige an incredulous look. "No. I'm not some shallow girl who wants nothing but popularity. What I want is to have my friends back. We're keeping an eye on you, leech. Just because you got Jai and Ria to side with you doesn't mean we're just going to let you win. They may have abandoned us but we're not doing the same to them because we're their real friends. Sooner or later they're going to realize that they made a mistake leaving us for you and when that day comes, you're going to be alone again." She told Paige matter-of-factly. "Stay the hell away from the other popular kids, leech. You destroy everything you touch. Your parents' marriage is falling apart, Ria's reputation is tainted, and Jai's life here went down the drain. You made the two of them social lepers for associating themselves to you when they should've made you one of us. You're damaged."
"Those things weren't my fault." Paige said weakly, backing away. She couldn't breathe. She really needed to get out of there. She looked wildly around her and finally noticed the exit sign. Without saying anything else, she pushed past Cesca, dropping her things as she bolted for the door.
"Where are you going?! We're not done talking, leech!" Cesca called after Paige for everyone to hear as the girl ran outside the school building.
Present Day...
Paige laid down the flowers on Jai's grave on a Friday afternoon before sitting cross-legged in front of her best friend's marker. She was on her way to the traditional post-Thanksgiving dinner at the Hayes' but she decided to stop by her friend's grave first.
"Hey." Paige began, staring at the name on the marker. "Sorry I haven't visited you in months. I've just been busy at school with studies and sports so I haven't had the chance to go home to Rosewood. But I'm here now. For Thanksgiving break so I'll come visit you everyday that I'm here." She promised.
"So my life in UPenn's not what I expected it to be. I made a friend. Can you believe that?" Paige said, laughing lightly. "Her name's Reese and she's a junior. She also happens to be the team captain of the track team and how we first met isn't exactly normal. But we're friends now. I still miss you though. For years you're the only person I could count on. So even if I made a new friend... it's still not the same." She admitted.
"Oh. Hey. Guess who popped back in my life a few days ago? Cesca Thomas." Paige said wryly. "Yeah. You heard right. And she's friends with Emily now. She still blames me for everything by the way. But don't worry. I won't let her get to me this time." She promised. "She did say something interesting though. And I don't know if I should believe it or think she's just messing with me. Trying to make me doubt you." Paige said, drawing her knees to her chest. "She said you weren't telling me the truth about everything that happened that day. But I guess I'll never find out about it now. It's not like I plan on running into her anytime soon." She added wryly. "All I know is you saved my life that day. And whatever it was you were keeping from me... if you were indeed keeping something... it doesn't change the fact that I'm here because of you. I just wish Cesca's not right. That you're there because of me." She confessed, suddenly feeling guilty.
Paige took a deep breath, wondering if she should continue. She looked around her, making sure no one was listening before speaking again.
"So I've talked about my life in UPenn so far. The trivial things that is. I guess I'm just trying to build the courage to tell you about the biggest thing in my life right now." Paige said, swallowing hard. "It's complicated. So maybe we could pretend, just for a few minutes, that Emily Fields wasn't yours." She began. "I just need someone to talk to right now. So let's pretend that she's not your girlfriend and that you didn't know her."
"You see, I really like this girl. A lot. But I've done a lot of horrible things to her in the past. And though I've been trying to make it up to her, I think when she looks at me she still remembers those things. And I really can't blame her." Paige added wryly. "But just when I thought she'd never feel anything for me the past few weeks have been intense for us. Somewhere along the way she started to like me. And she agreed when I asked to see where things go with us. For four days that is." She said, smiling faintly. "Last week she backed out because she thought I wasn't serious about her. And she wanted to be friends with me but I said I couldn't do that while still having feelings for her. So I made the choice of being a friend and forgetting how I feel instead. I don't want to lose her so I made that decision. But I don't exactly know how to be a friend to someone who I never saw as one."
"So what am I supposed to do?" Paige asked, rubbing the side of her head wearily. "Help me out. You're the smart one. You should be able to help me." She pointed out. "Emily has doubts about me and she doesn't trust me. Do I start with that? Do you think I'd have a chance of getting her back if I do something about that?" She suggested, pausing for a second before shaking her head. "No. Don't give me that advice telling me to just forget about her. That's crappy advice. She frustrates me to no end but at the end of the day it's still her." Paige admitted. "Emily's not someone you'd want to get over if you knew her. Oh. Wait. Who am I kidding? You did. You loved her for three years." She said, reminding herself of the painful reality.
Paige reluctantly stood up, feeling stupid for talking to an empty grave. "I should probably go. I don't want to be late for dinner with your family to which she's going to as well by the way." She added, dusting the back of her jeans. "Thanks for listening to me. Not like you had a choice but still. I miss talking to you, Jai. I know I haven't been honest about Emily. I just don't want you to be mad at me because I'm not sorry I fell for your girlfriend. I know that makes me a horrible friend. But you of all people should understand. You fell for her the same day I did."
"Good thing you didn't bring your car tonight. I sure could use the long walk after that dinner." Emily confessed as she and Paige slowly walked along the streets of Rosewood later that night.
Paige groaned. "I know. I need to wake up extra early tomorrow to burn off those calories I ingested. Kayla really outdid herself tonight." She said in agreement.
"She did. I'm tempted to suggest earlier that she should just start her own restaurant business and skip college once she graduates but Logan was there." Emily admitted. "Of course I was just kidding. But I don't think Logan's going to see it that way." She added, smiling faintly.
Once the post-Thanksgiving dinner at the Hayes' was over, Paige timidly offered to walk Emily home, wanting to spend more time with the girl even if they're just friends now. She was half expecting Emily to say no considering what happened last night but the girl agreed to it and now they were almost halfway to Emily's house.
Paige nodded. "Yeah. He probably won't. He's still mourning Jai's death." She admitted. "That's why lately Kayla just agrees to what her father asks of her. She thinks Logan expects her to continue Jai's dreams."
"That dinner made us all miss Jai even more." Emily said softly. "I think with the exception of you we were all crying when we went around the table saying what we're thankful for about Jai being a part of our lives." She added, looking at Paige.
"Just because I didn't cry doesn't mean I don't miss her. She was my only friend for so long." Paige confessed, glancing at Emily. "I haven't come home to Rosewood since I started going to UPenn. And I know she died even before I left but being back here... this place isn't really the same without Jai around." She admitted, taking a deep breath and looking around them.
"Yeah. It's not." Emily agreed as they rounded a corner and continued walking in silence.
"Cesca used to be my friend. I lied when I said we never got along." Paige suddenly said, surprising Emily.
Paige realized on her way to the Hayes' earlier that part of the reason why Emily won't believe her is because she won't trust the girl a bit. Tonight she was hoping that by telling Emily a little about herself, she could change the girl's mind about just being friends because she's having a hard time with it.
"I was a loner for most of my life in Girard. When I became Jai's roommate she introduced me to her group of friends and one of them was Cesca." Paige continued, her eyes on the ground. "We used to be close. Cesca and I. I was new to their group but I quickly became friends with her. Other than Jai she was the closest friend I had back then. But eventually she started to resent me."
"Why?" Emily gently asked, not wanting to pressure Paige into telling her everything.
Paige took a deep breath before answering. "Because Jai became closer to me." She revealed. "Before I was friends with them, Cesca and Jai were inseparable. But eventually Jai and I became closer and Cesca felt like I replaced her." Paige explained. "Jai was the most popular girl in school back then. But eventually, being my friend, being associated with me... Jai slowly disappeared from the social scene. Cesca thinks I ruined her life because Jai left and she was left behind." She continued.
"But why does she call you leech?" Emily asked. "You don't have to answer that." She hurriedly added thinking she might be pushing the girl away.
Paige shook her head. "It's okay. You know leeches suck blood out of people. But in my case Cesca thinks I sucked the life out of Jai. She started spending more time with me instead of her old friends. And people started to notice it." She explained, feeling guilty again. "I told Jai her friends were starting to resent me for it but she said I was just being paranoid. She became a social pariah all because she was always by my side. Jai didn't care. But her friends did. Especially Cesca. They started calling me leech behind my back but Cesca was the only one brave enough to say that word to my face." She confessed, sighing. "You should probably take Cesca's advice."
"Advice?" Emily repeated, giving Paige a confused look.
"About you running for the hills before I ruin your life further." Paige clarified. "Let's face it. If I didn't transfer schools, Jai wouldn't have followed me and you two wouldn't have met. You wouldn't have suffered even if Jai still died and maybe... just maybe... Jai would still be alive."
"You shouldn't let her words get to you." Emily said, fighting the urge to take Paige's hand when she saw the girl's forlorn look. "It's how you see things, really. You transferring to Rosewood High, Jai following you, me and Jai falling in love. I had three great years with her and I wouldn't trade that for anything." She insisted. "Some people are thankful you came into their lives, Paige. And that includes me." She admitted; ready to confess to the girl that she wanted to try again.
"You're grateful I came into your life?" Paige asked, surprised. "Since when?"
"Since Jai died and you were there." Emily answered. "I know I wasn't the easiest person to deal with when your best friend died but you still made sure I was going to be okay."
"Well I did promise Jai I was going to look after you. I wasn't going to let my best friend down." Paige pointed out.
"Sorry I wasn't able to keep my end of the deal." Emily said, smiling faintly.
"Nah. It's okay. I told Jai I didn't want you to look after me anyway." Paige admitted. "I like taking care of you." She said, looking at the girl.
Emily swallowed hard. Now's your chance. Tell her. "Paige..."
"Those cornbreads Kayla made by the way still didn't surpass Jai's. They came close but Jai's were better." Paige suddenly said, trying to bring the conversation back to her friend. Just now it seemed like Emily was going to remind her that they're just friends and she didn't want the girl to say it.
"Yeah." Emily agreed, losing her nerve. She didn't really want to think about Jai right now. The entire day was about missing Jai and she didn't want to think about Jai while she's contemplating how to tell Paige she wanted to try again.
"That's the one thing Jai can cook better than Kayla." Paige continued, oblivious to Emily's inner turmoil. "But then again, that's Jai. Always better at something than someone else who's already good at it." She said wryly.
"Can we please stop talking about Jai?" Emily pleaded anxiously, making Paige look at her in surprise.
"Sorry." Paige said when she noticed the girl's distress. "I didn't know you wanted to forget about her."
"I don't. I didn't mean it like that." Emily began. "It's just that... we've been thinking and talking about her all day. It's just us now. I don't want to think about Jai right now." She explained.
"Oh. Okay." Paige agreed and they continued to walk in silence until they finally reached Emily's house. "I'll wait until you get inside." She offered.
"Do you want to come in?" Emily asked timidly. "I have the place to myself tonight." She added, mentally kicking herself for saying that. It shouldn't matter.
"Um." Paige uttered, uncertain as to why Emily would invite her in.
"Just for a while." Emily added, trying hard not to sound desperate.
"Okay." Paige finally answered.
Emily nodded and took the keys out of her pocket to open the front door. This is it. She's wanted to kiss Paige since Wednesday night and she can't stand it anymore. Being this close to the girl and not touch her. She turned to look at Paige and then past the girl, checking to see if anyone's looking. When she was sure that the coast was clear, she took Paige's hand and firmly pulled the girl inside with her.
The instant Emily grabbed her hand, Paige's pulse quickened. Emily never held her hand before. They've held hands... but Emily never took hers. Once she entered the girl's house she knew something was going to happen. She watched as Emily locked the door behind her, never letting go of her hand. By now Paige was sure she was working on autopilot. All she could think about was Emily holding her hand and guiding the way upstairs. Her heart was beating so fast Emily could probably hear it.
Once they were on even ground, just outside of Emily's room, Paige mustered the courage to close the distance between them, stepping forward and removing her hand from Emily's. She wrapped her arms around the girl's slim waist from behind and rested her chin on Emily's shoulder before taking a deep breath, her stomach fluttering when her cheek made contact with Emily's soft skin when the girl turned her head slightly to look at her.
"Are you sure?" Paige whispered after standing outside Emily's room for a minute. She didn't think she could take it if the girl wanted out again.
Emily nodded wordlessly before opening the door to her room and stepping inside first. She let Paige lock the door behind them and she nervously faced the girl, fully aware that they were alone as they stared at each other in the dark room in silence.
"Thanks for telling me those things." Emily finally said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know it couldn't have been easy for you." She added softly.
Paige nodded. "It wasn't." She admitted, her gaze never leaving Emily's.
"So why did you do it?" Emily asked, taking a small step towards Paige.
"I just... I thought... maybe if I said something... about me... that I could change your mind about us." Paige confessed, her voice hoarse. "I know you have a lot of questions. And that I have a lot of secrets... about my past. My life. But I can't share them all with you. Not yet." She admitted. She wanted to clear the air. Give Emily the chance to tell her to leave.
"I know. And I'll wait until you're ready." Emily answered, making Paige let out a short laugh in relief.
Paige stepped forward and grabbed Emily's hand to pull the girl close to her, wrapping her right arm around Emily's waist while intertwining her left hand with the girl's right. She rested her forehead on Emily's shoulder, reveling in the feel of the girl's body against hers. She missed holding Emily in her arms. "I don't want to be just your friend, Em." She whispered brokenly. "I really tried. But I can't. I don't want to."
Emily smiled and removed her hand from Paige's so she can wrap her arms around the girl. "Good. Because I don't want to be just your friend either." She confessed, hugging Paige back.
Paige moved her head and met Emily's eyes. "All or nothing?" She whispered as she held her breath. If they do this, there's no going back.
"All or nothing." Emily repeated to Paige's elation and before the girl knew it, Emily closed the distance between them and started kissing Paige hungrily, seemingly trying to make up for lost time.
Paige held Emily closer to her, kissing the girl back with as much intensity. She parted her lips, allowing Emily's tongue to seek its mate and she moved her hand to cup the girl's cheek as she deepened the kiss, trying to convey to Emily how much she wanted this.
"I missed you." Emily whispered achingly when they briefly came up for air.
Paige gently cradled Emily's cheek and caressed it as she stared into the girl's eyes. "I missed you too." She whispered before capturing Emily's lips on hers again.
They blindly made their way towards Emily's bed and finally found it when Emily fell backwards and Paige ended up lying on top of her. Emily laughed and Paige smiled above her, seemingly memorizing every inch of the girl's face.
"Em." Paige whispered before burying her head on the crook of Emily neck.
The way her name sounded from the girl's lips made Emily's heart hammer. There was something about the way Paige always uttered her name. Like the girl was conveying every emotion she felt when she says it. And right now Paige said it with so much longing and desire that Emily knew things were going to get more intense if she didn't say anything.
"Paige." Emily uttered hoarsely when the girl began depositing soft kisses on her neck.
"Yeah?" Paige said, her hand blindly finding Emily's and she intertwined them as she continued kissing the girl.
"I'm not... ready." Emily finally said.
Paige lifted her head and stared into Emily's eyes, nodding to tell the girl she understood. She took a deep breath as she tried to control her hormones.
"Are you okay with just kissing?" Emily asked uncertainly.
Paige nodded again, trying to find her voice. She tenderly brushed a strand of hair away from Emily's eyes before speaking. "We've done that before. Kiss for hours." She reminded Emily. "I'm okay with kissing."
Emily smiled. "Then do it already." She commanded, pulling the girl close to her.
Paige slightly parted her lips as soon as Emily's met hers and she slowly slid her right leg in between Emily's, their bodies now merely separated by thin layers of fabric. Emily wrapped her arms around Paige's neck as their kisses slowly intensified, allowing herself to be pulled closer as the girl held her by the waist, the space between them non-existent that they could feel their hearts beating wildly against their chests. Nothing else seemed to matter beyond the four walls of Emily's room as the rest of the world faded away and the only sound that can be heard if you listen hard enough is the beating of a heart on the verge of falling in love.