Locum Tenens

by snowballs

Locum Tenens – place holder, substitute. Paige & Emily have been connected through only one girl. Jai has been Emily's girlfriend for almost 3 years & Paige's best friend for 7. When she died, the dynamic between the two drastically shifted. As Emily slowly comes to grips with her loss, she enters into a tentative relationship with Paige. But has Emily truly let go? Paily AU.

22. sic infit : chapter xii

DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters is the intellectual property of others. Some characters used in the writing of this fic belong to PLL. Events that transpire, will transpire and have transpired in this story are entirely of my own creation.

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Thanks for the reviews!

EyeOpener16, ScriptedLullabies and Nae10... Thanks for the PM.

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PART TWO: "Sic Infit"

~ So it begins. ~

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CHAPTER TWELVE

Seven Months Ago...

Paige parked her father's car on a parking slot near the front entrance of a well-kept building and switched off the engine before she unbuckled her seatbelt. For a while she just sat there in silence, contemplating whether or not to head inside. She glanced at the passenger seat and a wave of sadness hit her. She wasn't supposed to be here by herself. She agreed to cover Jai's route until her friend returned from London so she was supposed to be sitting here now with Jai next to her, making plans for what to do afterwards before going in.

Coming to this place was something she never would've thought to do if not for Jai's influence when they were kids. A few months after she left the hospital, Jai introduced her to the Aid For Friends organization because her friend thought it would be a good idea for her to interact with more people. Paige decided to give it a try so she went with Jai and Logan one Sunday morning to this place. The local church near the Hayes' old house where they would pick up frozen dinners and deliver them to houses around the Philadelphia area where shut-in individuals resided. Pretty soon she found herself delivering food with Jai once a week with Logan acting as their designated driver. But once they got their own junior driver's license they did the rounds by themselves, going to various places around Philly afterwards. Going here was something she looked forward to doing with her friend again once Jai returned from London. But that's never going to happen again.

Paige could've stopped coming here after the tragedy. But she couldn't because she knew Jai wouldn't want that. The people they've been helping came first before her grief and this was her way of continuing one of her friend's philanthropies so she kept showing up on weekends. Even if she was alone.

Before Jai left for London, her friend suggested that she invite Emily to come along for this. Of course she vehemently opposed the idea. Even after things between her and Jai's girlfriend changed, Paige still didn't bother to invite Emily. Because there are just some things that she wanted to do with her best friend. No matter how much she wanted to spend time with Emily, this was her and Jai's thing. Not that it mattered now anyway. Because Jai's dead and Emily's in Miami. She was doing this by herself.

Paige took a deep breath and finally alighted from the car, locking the doors before making her way up the steps towards the church. She pulled open the heavy wooden door and made her way to the kitchen in the back of the building where the frozen foods for the shut-ins were kept. She had twice the number of people to visit ever since she covered Jai's route so she knew she had a long day ahead of her.

"Hey Claire, Nathan!" Paige called out in greeting, giving the husband and wife volunteers standing behind the kitchen counter a smile as she approached them.

"Paige." Nathan uttered, smiling in return. He looked past the girl for a second before returning his attention to Paige. "Sorry. It's been three months but I keep forgetting that she's gone."

Paige nodded. "I know the feeling." She admitted, pocketing her car keys when she stopped in front of the couple.

"I still can't believe she was taken from us at such a young age. And so tragically." Claire commented as she busied herself with preparing the meals Paige would deliver. "Jasmine was a blessing to a lot of people. I really wish that crash didn't happen so she could continue changing lives."

Paige pinched the corners of her mouth with her thumb and middle finger. She didn't know how to respond to what Claire just said so she chose to slightly veer the topic off her friend's passing instead. "Um... I don't know if Jason informed you." She began, referring to one of the other volunteers in charge of food distribution. "But I've been taking over Jai's route since she left for London. Now that..." She trailed off, unable to say the words out loud. "I decided to cover her route until I start college in the fall." Paige finally continued.

"Oh. Jason forgot to mention that. But it's not a problem. We'll prepare the ones in Jasmine's route as well." Nathan said, looking around for the list of people to add to Paige's route. "It might take some time though so you can just wait by the lobby. I'll be right out."

Paige nodded and walked back the way she came, running a hand through her hair wearily. It was bad enough that she missed doing this with Jai. People looking for her friend whenever they see her wasn't helping matters. She sat on one of the couches facing the front entrance and closed her eyes, waiting for Nathan and the meals she would have to deliver for the rest of the day. Her eyes snapped open when she suddenly heard laughter and saw some of the neighborhood kids she and Jai have gotten close to running around the lobby.

"Hey! You're here again! Is Jai with you this time?" A boy with a chipped tooth asked, looking around the room curiously. "I was hoping to show her something really cool."

Paige leaned forward, ready to lie again. She still didn't know how to tell the kids that her best friend is dead. "No. Jai still couldn't make it." She answered, giving the boy an apologetic smile. "But maybe you could show it to me instead so I can tell her all about it when I see her."

The boy studied Paige thoughtfully. "Nah. It has to be Jai." He finally decided before running outside, his friends not too far behind.

Paige watched the kids for a few seconds before getting up. Everyone wants Jai. She thought, deciding to head back inside the kitchen despite knowing that Claire and Nathan would talk to her about Jai again. But that's better than sitting outside and agreeing to random people when they stop to tell her that they miss Jai too.

It wasn't news to her. She should've gotten used to it. Ever since her friend left for London, all people asked whenever they see her is where Jai is, how she's doing, when she's coming back. The shut-ins she's been delivering food to in Jai's route don't even know her name and just refer to her as 'Jasmine's friend' or 'that girl who drives around with Jasmine'. It was understandable. It wasn't like she established a bond with these people the way Jai did. Her friend just had a way of reaching out to people and touching their lives. It was understandable that they would look for her. But it still hurt.

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Present Day...

Paige took a deep breath before shifting from her position in the driver's seat of her car. She had been sitting there for more than an hour now and her ass was starting to hurt. But she couldn't bring herself to get out just yet.

Last night, hearing Emily call her Jai was something she never expected. Sure she knew at the back of her mind that the girl still loves her best friend. That Emily still isn't over Jai. And maybe she never will be. But she didn't think Emily thought about Jai when they were together. She tried to ignore it. The truth that she was competing with her best friend for Emily's affection even if Jai is gone. But what happened last night made her realize that she couldn't ignore it anymore.

So this morning she woke up thinking that she had to let Emily go. Tell the girl that she's walking away. Emily told her right from the start that the girl wasn't ready but she wanted to give their relationship a try so she asked Emily to consider it. It's her fault she's in this mess. She had to do the right thing and end things.

That was what Paige decided on before she left her apartment. But when she parked in a spot that hid her presence yet still gave her a clear view of Emily, she began to rethink her decision. She arrived just in time to see the girl emerge from inside the building where Emily's first class was but instead of meeting the girl, she just sat in her car, waiting to see what Emily would do when she doesn't show up.

Paige leaned forward and gripped the steering wheel with both hands, trying to decide. Her eyes fell on the dashboard clock of her car and she sighed. Emily's class had been over for more than an hour now and the girl should've gone to Café Prima to start her shift. But instead Emily sat on one of the two benches in the pathway beside Hayden Hall, glancing at her watch every few seconds. And Paige knew the girl was waiting.

For who? Paige thought, staring at the blue UPenn jacket that was lying on the passenger seat of her car. She remembered the night Emily came over to her house to give it to her. The day they graduated. Paige was so happy when Emily handed it to her and said that she was looking forward to going to UPenn with her that Paige didn't even ask how and why Emily had another jacket... a complement of the red one she was wearing that night.

Paige didn't realize it until last night. When Emily left and she went to her bedroom and saw her blue UPenn jacket thrown haphazardly on the bed. Jai's blue UPenn jacket. Paige corrected herself bitterly. Not hers. The jacket was Jai's. It never belonged to her. Just like Emily still belonged to Jai.

Once she unbuckled her seatbelt, Paige grabbed the jacket and threw it on the backseat before she opened the door and got out of her car. She walked a few steps and stood across the street, finally deciding to show herself to Emily. She was still at a loss as to what to do next. She wasn't ready to give up. But she didn't know how to get past what happened.

---

Even without looking at her watch, Emily knew that another hour passed when she noticed the sudden influx of students rushing past her, in a hurry to get to their next class or be somewhere else that isn't here. But she wasn't one of those students. Because her next class wasn't until this afternoon and it's with Paige.

Paige. The girl was the reason why she hasn't moved from her spot for the past hour. She was supposed to be at the Café by now. But when she emerged from her Stat101 lab class and saw that Paige wasn't there to pick her up, Emily decided to call in sick and just sat on a bench outside Hayden Hall, waiting until Paige arrived. She tried to tell herself that the girl was just running late. Paige couldn't have forgotten. They swapped class schedules just last week. But then again maybe Paige misplaced hers. So she checked her phone several times to see if Paige replied to one of her texts or finally returned her calls but the girl didn't do either of those things. When thirty minutes passed and there was still no sign of the girl, Emily told herself to get up and walk back to Harrison. But she just sat there, stubbornly waiting.

Emily blinked her eyes rapidly when her vision blurred. She didn't want people to look at her and wonder why she was crying. She lowered her head and subtly wiped the corner of her eyes, pretending that there was a speck of dust that got into an eye just now.

She's not going to show up. Emily finally forced herself to accept the reality and with a heavy heart, gathered her things and slowly got up to leave. That's when she saw Paige standing across the street, looking at her. And Emily choked back a sob when the girl gave her a small, tentative wave.

Emily hurriedly crossed the street, fighting the urge to run towards the girl for fear that Paige would disappear if she got there a second too late. She thought she would feel relieved when the girl finally showed up. But now she realized that she didn't know what it meant and that made her scared. Maybe things between them were over, maybe they're not. She couldn't tell. But Paige showing up gave her a chance to convince the girl not to end things between them.

"Hey." Emily uttered when she was finally standing in front of the girl. She struggled to control her tears and gripped her things closer to her chest. Like they could protect her from what was about to come.

"Hey." Paige repeated quietly.

"I'm so sorry about last night." Emily continued. "Can we go somewhere we can talk? Please?" She implored.

Paige wordlessly stared at the girl and felt her resolve to end things between them crumble when she heard the fear in Emily's voice. Watching the girl wait for her made her realize that she wasn't ready to give up on them just yet.

"Paige." Emily whispered, taking another step closer to the girl. "Please." She repeated.

Paige finally nodded and led the way back to her car. She unlocked the doors and made her way to the passenger side to open the door for Emily before she realized what she did. She opened her mouth to apologize, ready to hear Emily reprimand her with a single word she was all too familiar with, but she stopped short when the girl just walked past her and wordlessly got inside. Paige closed the door and walked over to the driver's side, trying to process what just happened. Maybe things between them were starting to change. She just didn't know which direction they're headed and if they're going down the same path or about to go their separate ways.

---

"Are you so cold that you need to wear two jackets?" Emily asked in an effort to lighten the mood between them when they alighted from the car once Paige parked it in Kaskey Park.

Emily waited for the girl to wear the blue UPenn jacket she gave Paige the night they graduated from high school but the girl just placed the jacket on the hood of the car and slid it to her.

"I'm returning this." Paige said without any trace of amusement in her voice.

Emily stared at the jacket, then at the girl. She didn't know if this was Paige's way of ending things between them. Giving back every single thing they gave each other. Because if it was, there really wasn't much to return and the jacket doesn't count. They weren't seeing each other when she gave it to Paige.

"But why? I gave that to you." Emily reminded the girl.

Paige ran a hand through her hair, frustrated. "But it wasn't for me. Was it?" She guessed, meeting Emily's confused look. "When you came over to my house that night, you just left the party."

"Yeah. I went back to my house first to get my yearbook and the jacket." Emily replied, wondering where Paige was going with this.

"Back then I didn't think too much about it. I was happy that you came by to tell me you were sorry. That you cared. And that you were looking forward to spending time with me here in UPenn that I didn't pay attention to it." Paige continued, her gaze drifting to the jacket. "You were already wearing a red UPenn hoodie that night. So unless you really love owning UPenn merchandise, that jacket was supposed to be for Jai. Wasn't it?"

"Yeah. It was." Emily answered, not getting why the girl was bringing it up now.

Paige looked away. "That's why I'm returning it to you. I don't want it." She added bitterly.

Emily stared at Paige for a second, now realizing that the reason the girl brought up the jacket was because of her slip up last night. She reached for the hoodie, deciding to take it back. "Paige... the night I came over to your house and gave you this jacket I was just trying to fix things between us." She explained gently. "I didn't give this to you hoping you will magically turn into Jai afterwards. I wasn't trying to bring her back. I didn't intentionally give this to you to make you feel like I want you to be Jai nor do I see her everytime I see you wearing this."

Paige finally met Emily's eyes but didn't say anything so the girl continued.

"You can't be mad at me for something I did without malice. It's not like I knew back then that months from that night, the simple gesture I made was going to be an issue between us." Emily pointed out. "It's not like I thought, 'hey, here's a really great way for you to screw up even more when you fall for Paige a few months from today: why don't you give her this jacket you bought for Jai and make things harder to mend between you two 'cos saying Jai's name accidentally while you two were kissing isn't bad enough.'" She continued, giving Paige a helpless look. "Yeah I bought this jacket for Jai. I'm not gonna deny that. I wanted to give this to her when she came back from London. But this didn't belong to her. The night I came over to your house I was just trying to fix things between us." She repeated earnestly. "It was a peace offering after I hurt your feelings. But now I don't have anything to offer." Emily continued. "Taking this back isn't enough. So tell me what I should do to make things better. Because I know I hurt your feelings last night. Please stop saying it's fine because it wasn't."

Paige nodded. "Yeah. It hurt. And I was really surprised. But what happened last night reminded me of something." She admitted, leaning her hip against the car.

"What?" Emily asked anxiously.

"That this." Paige began, pointing to Emily then to herself. "Whatever this is, still involves Jai. I was reminded that I practically begged you to consider starting something with me the first time you kissed me even when you made it clear that you still love Jai. And that it will always be her." She added faintly. "I guess up until last night I was still in denial. I was convinced that if I was patient enough maybe you'd finally let yourself love again. Feel something for me."

"I do feel something for you." Emily insisted, fighting the urge to close the distance between them and take Paige's hand.

"But it's not enough to make you forget about Jai." Paige pointed out. "You still think about her."

"Do you want me to forget?" Emily asked quietly.

"I just don't want you to keep thinking about her anymore. Is that too much to ask?" Paige said in reply.

Emily swallowed hard. "Yeah. Right now it is." She admitted despite knowing that the girl could decide to end things between them now. "Paige... I don't think of Jai when we're kissing. But I can't help it when my thoughts drift to her sometimes. When I see or hear something that reminds me of her. I know she isn't coming back. But I still need time." She implored, trying to make the girl understand. "I know I'm being selfish but being with you feels really good. This. Whatever this is... I don't want it to end. Were you about to end it?"

"I was. On my way to pick you up I decided I was going to put an end to it." Paige confessed.

"But?" Emily urged, her voice hoarse.

"But when I saw you waiting for me... I realized I can't walk away just yet." Paige continued.

"Then don't. I just need more time." Emily pleaded. "I promise it won't happen again. Can you still be patient with me?" She asked anxiously.

Paige nodded. She studied the girl for a second, contemplating whether to ask that question. Emily might be uncomfortable with it but they needed to talk about it. "Em. About what happened last night. I'm sorry." She said earnestly.

Emily shook her head. "It's fine." She replied, trying to hide her uneasiness. She knew Paige wanted to ask about her behavior last night but she wasn't ready to talk about it.

"No. It's not." Paige insisted. "You know I would never pressure you to do something you're not ready to do."

"I know." Emily affirmed.

"Did Jai pressure you?" Paige suddenly asked. She couldn't believe her friend might do something like that but she was trying to figure out Emily's behavior. "Sorry. I know it's none of my business but the way you reacted when I tried to get to second base. Did she?..."

"No." Emily answered hurriedly. "Jai was extremely patient with me. She understood. If she didn't we wouldn't have lasted for three years. But we've never... she and I..."

Paige shook her head firmly. "You don't have to explain." She interjected when she realized what Emily was trying to say. "I get it. I just wanted to know so I won't step out of line again."

"So... clean slate?" Emily asked nervously.

Paige stared at the girl for a few seconds, trying to decide. "Clean slate." She finally repeated, wondering if there was such a thing.

---

"Newbie I know I said last week that I'm impressed that you managed to maintain your time from last semester despite the holiday season. But I never said anything about slowing down to match the rest of the team's. What gives?" Reese asked, studying her friend.

"Just a little tired." Paige answered vaguely. "Didn't get much sleep last night."

After track practice that afternoon, Reese called over the girl while the rest of their teammates headed inside the locker room to change. Coach Steve noticed Paige's lackluster performance earlier and told Reese to talk to her teammate before he does so now the junior team captain was trying to save her friend the trip to their coach's office by asking what's bothering the girl.

"Well go to bed early starting tonight. We have our first indoor track meet this Saturday and Coach Steve wants to make sure that you're ready. He noticed your time today." Reese admitted.

Great. Paige thought. The one time she needed her coach not to pay attention to her was the day she was having problems in her relationship with Emily. "Don't worry. I'll be ready before Saturday." She promised.

"Did you and Emily get into another fight? Is that the reason why you didn't get much sleep?" Reese asked, choosing to ignore what Paige just said. The girl's performance won't improve if there was something bothering her and Reese knew that.

"Sort of." Paige finally answered after staying silent for a few seconds. "I'm not telling you about what." She continued when Reese kept staring at her.

"But you two are still fighting." Reese guessed.

"We're not fighting." Paige replied, shaking her head. She held Reese's worried look and sighed. "I don't know." She admitted reluctantly.

"Paige... if you can't talk to me about it, find someone you can. Kayla?" Reese suggested.

Paige shook her head again. "I can't. I can't talk to her or Logan about it because it's about Emily. And Jai. And me." She explained, frowning.

"Our team has a sports therapist." Reese reminded the girl when she heard Logan's name. Kayla mentioned to her in passing a few months ago what the girl's father did for a living and hearing Paige consider talking to Logan just now made Reese think that the girl was used to seeking professional help. "You can talk to her about anything. Not just sports. I've seen her a couple of times." She admitted to encourage Paige to see the doctor.

"What, you didn't know how to handle the power of being team captain without your teammates worshiping the ground you walk on?" Paige asked teasingly, trying to lighten the mood.

"Among other things, yeah." Reese answered good-naturedly. "Just give it a try, newbie." She added, getting serious again. "Come on. Let's go hit the showers."

"Um, you go ahead. I'm gonna run a few more laps." Paige decided, gesturing vaguely to the indoor track lanes behind her.

Reese nodded. "Suit yourself. But be careful. I don't want you messing up your knee so close to Saturday. Coach Steve will have both of our heads on a platter if that happens." She reminded the girl. "Just focus on the field. Not Emily Fields."

Paige felt her mouth open in astonishment. "Good one. How long did you work on that?" She asked, chuckling.

"Few weeks. Maybe a month." Reese answered, shrugging. "I'm serious. Be careful."

Paige raised her right hand. "Yeah. I will." She promised.

When Reese disappeared behind the door leading to the locker room, Paige headed for the start line. She took a deep breath and got into position, imagining the gun start in her head and taking off. She gradually increased her pace and tried to clear her mind of Emily Fields but she knew it was futile. Not when what was keeping her going is her desire to run away from the situation she was in.

---

Emily sat on the long table of MUSE, trying to remain inconspicuous despite being by herself. The general assembly meeting has been over close to two hours now and most of the members have gone home for the night. With the exception of her, the handful of students left seated around the table were mostly upperclassmen who stayed behind to discuss a few things with Gary and the other officers of MUSE. Emily was tempted to get up and go home but she didn't want to call attention to herself and she was waiting for Paige to arrive. She told the girl last week that her first GA was tonight. And yesterday Paige even pointed it out while they were on their way to meet the kids in Drew Academy so the girl didn't forget it. But after what happened last night maybe it slipped Paige's mind. Although they agreed to a clean slate, they barely talked when they were in their classes that afternoon and she didn't want to bring it up after her slip up so now she didn't know if she should keep waiting for Paige or just go home.

"We'll see you next week." Emily glanced to her right when she heard Gary bid farewell to the junior students who stayed behind. Now that the older members have left, it was just her and the officers of MUSE. She looked away, pretending to read the book that she opened to a random page once the meeting was adjourned. There was no way she would go unnoticed now. She was sticking out like a sore thumb. The officers were huddled on the far side of the long table while she was on the other end. Alone.

"Do you need a ride?" Emily looked up when she heard Gary's voice and saw the girl standing next to her. She glanced past Gary and realized that other than Zach, the other officers have gone home. It was just the three of them.

"I'm only offering 'cos Zach and I live in Radian." Gary explained, referring to the expensive apartment building on Walnut Street. "That's why we carpool when we go to meetings. We can give you a ride to Harrison. It's along the way."

"Um... thanks but I'll pass. Paige is picking me up any minute now." Emily answered while she fought the sinking feeling that she's walking home by herself. "You and Zach go ahead."

Gary let out a short laugh. "We can't exactly leave you here alone." She pointed out. "Is Paige usually this late picking you up? Maybe she forgot."

Emily shook her head firmly. "She didn't. She's just running late tonight." She said, trying not to sound insistent.

"I'll say. The meeting's been over for almost two hours. She must be doing something that's more important than you if she's this late." Gary commented. She studied Emily for a second before deciding to take a seat next to the girl. "How are things between the two of you?" She continued. "You seem distracted during the meeting. That's why I'm asking."

"I just have a lot of things on my mind tonight." Emily explained. "I thought you promised to be strictly professional when it comes to me?" She asked, trying to hide the anxiety out of her voice.

Gary nodded, moving a little away from the girl. "I did. Doesn't mean my attraction towards you is gone." She pointed out. "It's hard not to pay attention to you. But that doesn't mean I'm going back to pursuing you. You're one of us now. I'm just concerned. And you didn't answer my question. How are things between you and Paige?"

"They're good." Emily and Gary turned around at the same time when they heard Paige's voice behind them. Emily inwardly let out a sigh of relief when she saw the girl standing there.

"Great, actually." Paige added coolly as she sauntered over to the two girls until she was close enough to place a hand on Emily's shoulder. She lost track of time training and when she finally stopped, she realized she was supposed to pick up Emily from her meeting tonight. She tried calling a few times but she couldn't reach the girl so she drove here in the off chance that Emily was still waiting for her.

"Ready to go?" Paige asked, looking at the raven-haired girl.

Emily nodded wordlessly and stood up, grabbing her things from the table but Paige stopped her.

"I got it." Paige offered, taking Emily's bag and placing it over her shoulder before carrying the girl's books in one hand. She then used her other hand to take Emily's hand in hers. "I would really appreciate it if you stopped hitting on my girlfriend every chance you get." She said stonily, glaring at the girl still seated on the bench.

Gary raised her hands defensively. "I wasn't. Ask her. I was just offering to give her a ride since Zach and I were headed home and I didn't want to leave her here by herself." She explained, getting up. "I know she's your girlfriend now. Do you? Or do you need to be reminded of it?" She asked, sizing up the girl. "Emily's your girlfriend now. Why don't you take better care of her and show up on time?"

"Paige, come on. Let's go." Emily interjected, gripping the girl's hand to stop her from taking a step closer to Gary. The last thing Emily needed was to jeopardize her membership and that could happen if Paige started a fight with the president of MUSE with Zach watching.

Paige held Gary's gaze, glaring one last time at the girl before letting Emily lead her away. She took a deep breath to calm herself and finally led the way towards her car, now aware that she was holding the girl's hand. When she was sure that Gary couldn't see them anymore, she released Emily's hand, for some reason uncomfortable with touching the girl.

Emily studied Paige out of the corner of her eye. They were still together. And they agreed to show that to Gary. But when Paige picked her up, she didn't feel like they were together. She felt like Paige was just pretending for Gary's sake.

"Thanks for picking me up." Emily finally said, trying to start a conversation between them. "I thought you forgot about tonight." She admitted.

"I lost track of time running. I have an indoor track meet on Saturday so I'm trying to bring my times down." Paige explained. "Were you about to accept a ride from Gary?" She asked, not meeting Emily's eyes.

"No. I told her to go ahead. Then once she and Zach leave I was planning to walk home by myself." Emily answered, wishing the girl would look at her.

Paige unlocked the doors and followed Emily to the passenger side. She waited until the girl was seated before handing her books and bag. "I tried to call you several times but I couldn't reach you." She said, still not looking at Emily.

"My phone died. I forgot to charge it before I left Harrison for the meeting tonight. Sorry." Emily uttered, fidgeting with the strap of her shoulder bag.

"It's fine. I just wanted to let you know that I didn't forget. I tried calling to tell you I was running late." Paige explained, aware that her tone sounded defensive. She stepped back to close the door but the girl stopped her.

Emily swallowed hard and leaned forward to kiss Paige but the girl moved at the last second so her lips ended up kissing air.

Paige cleared her throat. "We're in public." She reminded Emily, using their sneaking around as an excuse despite the place being deserted. "We should get going. It's late and Spencer might be wondering where you are." She added before closing the door.

Emily kept her gaze on Paige and watched as the girl walked in front of the car to head to the driver's seat. They were supposed to be working on getting past what happened. But she didn't know how she could fix things between them when Paige was obviously reluctant to touch her.

---

"How was it?" Spencer asked eagerly when Emily entered their room. "How was your first GA as a MUSE member?" She continued, turning around in her chair to face her friend.

Emily gently closed the door behind her and walked over to her bed without looking at Spencer. "Good. I met most of the members and my batchmates but we didn't have much time to get to know each other since the meeting was entirely devoted to MARC." She replied as she busied herself with grabbing a change of clothes from her dresser drawer. "We just agreed to grab lunch or dinner later this week."

"Gary give you a hard time?" Spencer continued, turning her back to the girl to return to the book she was reading. "Em?" She uttered, turning around again when she didn't hear a reply.

"Um, no. She didn't." Emily finally answered absentmindedly as she stared at the gray UPenn track and field shirt on top of the pile of shirts inside her dresser and felt her throat constrict. She grabbed the shirt underneath it and a pair of sweatpants before finally closing her drawer. "She barely talked to me actually. Except after the meeting when it was just us and Zach." She continued, turning around to face her friend.

"Wait, why didn't you leave once the meeting was over?" Spencer asked, giving her friend a confused look.

Emily sat on the edge of her bed and busied herself with taking off the black strappy sandals she was wearing. She dreaded answering Spencer's question knowing her friend still didn't like Paige. She unbuttoned her camel-colored blazer before untucking her white silk top, running her hand through her hair warily.

"I was waiting for Paige to pick me up." Emily finally admitted when she felt her friend's eyes on her. "We figured Gary should see us acting like a couple to sell the story so I was waiting for her to give me a ride back here."

"And she's late. Of course." Spencer commented, shaking her head.

"She just lost track of time. She was training since she has a meet this Saturday." Emily explained hurriedly. "The important thing is that Gary was there when Paige arrived so she saw us together."

"Well tell your pseudo-girlfriend to get her act together. Gary may believe you two are dating but if she sees that Paige isn't taking good care of you I think she won't hesitate to swoop in and save the day." Spencer pointed out. "If you need to coach the girl on how to act like a good girlfriend, do it. It's not like Paige was ever serious with a girl before."

"Paige doesn't need coaching." Emily said, getting up when her vision blurred. "I'm gonna take a shower." She added before grabbing her bath towel and heading for the bathroom.

Once she was inside, Emily locked the door and turned on the shower. But instead of taking off her clothes and jumping in, she just sat on the cover of the flush toilet, finally letting her tears fall.

"I'm sorry." Emily whispered brokenly, covering her mouth with the towel she was holding to muffle her sobs. She wished saying those words repeatedly would make things right between her and Paige but she knew it wasn't enough.

---

Paige anxiously entered her Managerial Economics class on Wednesday morning, steeling herself to spending an hour seated next to Emily. They weren't fighting so there was no reason to sit apart. But she couldn't bring herself to be near the girl. She let her eyes wander to the third row where she and Emily usually sat and saw that the girl was already there, too engrossed in a book to notice her. Paige slowly made her way to her seat, her pulse racing for several reasons.

"Hey." Paige said in greeting once she was standing over the girl.

Emily looked up, pretending to be surprised. Like she wasn't watching the door earlier and saw Paige enter the room. "Hey." She repeated. She watched the girl take a seat next to her and gave Paige a strained smile before going back to pretending she was reading her book.

"What's wrong with you?" Paige asked, her eyes never leaving the girl.

"What do you mean?" Emily said in reply, not bothering to look at Paige.

"I mean... your eyes look bloodshot and puffy." Paige clarified.

Emily swallowed hard. "Oh. Um, I stayed up late last night. Reading." She lied, pointing to the open book in front of her. "I slept around two in the morning so my eyes hurt a bit."

"Wow. That must be some book." Paige commented, leaning towards the girl to check the cover. "This better contain short stories or you're officially a geek."

Emily grabbed Paige's hand to stop the girl from reading the title. "But you said you think geeks are hot." She reminded the girl, pretending to be offended.

The gesture made Paige inhale sharply and she quickly withdrew her hand from Emily's when she felt the girl's warm skin on hers. "Sorry." She blurted out when she saw the flash of hurt on the girl's face.

Emily shook her head and gave Paige a forced grin. "It's fine. I understand." She said before turning the page on her book and staring at it. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and told herself not to cry again. It won't solve anything.

Paige's gaze lingered on Emily, aware that behind that grin and that upbeat behavior, the girl was hurting just like her. "Do you have plans for lunch?" She asked before she changed her mind.

Emily turned her head to look at the girl, surprised. They haven't spent time together since they talked yesterday morning but it felt like they've been separated for weeks.

"No. I don't." Emily answered, her voice hoarse.

"In that case... want to split a Hawaiian pizza back in my apartment?" Paige suggested.

"Yeah. Yeah I'd like that." Emily admitted, a small smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. "I'll come over after my shift at the Café and I'll bring the pizza." She offered, trying not to seem too eager to spend time with Paige. "Um... it's a date then?" She asked, biting her bottom lip anxiously.

"It's a date." Paige repeated despite suddenly wanting to back out at the thought of being alone with the girl.

---

"Sorry." Emily uttered for the tenth time when she accidentally brushed her arm against Paige's. She stooped down to pick up the tissue she dropped on the floor, feeling her cheeks redden in embarrassment.

The two girls were seated on Paige's couch, eating the pizza Emily brought for lunch. The anxiety Paige felt earlier about being alone with the girl increased tenfold once she heard the knock on the door and when she let Emily in, the room was immediately filled with awkward tension. They sat on the couch several inches away from each other but they still ended up bumping elbows and brushing arms and Emily kept apologizing while Paige kept flinching.

"It's fine." Paige said, quickly grabbing the tissue when she saw that it was near her feet. She placed it on the coffee table away from the pizza and subtly glanced at the time on her watch.

Although it felt like they've been eating lunch for more than an hour, only twenty minutes have passed and they couldn't even finish their first slice. She and Emily barely spoke a word to each other and the hosts of a cooking contest on TV were the only people talking in the room. The so-called date wasn't going well. Paige reached for the pizza she was eating and took a small bite, studying the girl seated next to her out of the corner of her eye.

Emily continued wiping the hot sauce off her jacket, aware that Paige was looking at her but she couldn't meet the girl's eyes. She wanted to kiss Paige the second the girl opened the door but before she could, Paige stepped aside to let her in. She looked up when a clean tissue suddenly appeared in front of her.

"Thanks." Emily said, accepting the tissue and making sure that her fingers don't brush the girl's. At this point, not touching Paige was better than touching Paige and seeing the girl flinch every single time. "It's not coming off. I'll just go to the bathroom to wash this." She decided, standing up.

Emily didn't wait for Paige to acknowledge what she said nor did she look at the girl before leaving the room. She locked the door behind her once she was inside and took off her jacket before turning on the faucet, holding the stained portion of the material under the cold water. Emily told herself not to cry but when she couldn't hold it in, she bit her bottom lip to stop herself from making a sound as she let the tears fall. She hastily dried her eyes and stared at her reflection in the mirror, making sure there were no traces of her tears before going out. Emily took a deep breath, trying to compose herself and she nodded her head firmly after she turned off the faucet. She turned around to open the door and stepped out of the bathroom, running smack into Paige's body. She heard the girl's sharp intake of breath and she told herself to step back, not meeting Paige's eyes.

"Sorry." They said at the same time.

"You were in there for quite a while. I was just going to check to see if you were okay." Paige continued, taking a step back as well.

No. I'm not. Because we're not. Emily nodded. "I got the stain off but I have to wash this immediately. And I, uh... remembered that I have to study for this quiz in my language class this afternoon so I have to go." She lied as she walked past Paige and headed to the living room.

Paige followed the girl and watched Emily gather her things, debating whether or not to tell the girl not to leave. Ask her to stay. Ask her. But she just followed Emily to the door.

"Thanks for lunch." Emily uttered once she was standing outside when she couldn't think of anything else to say to the girl.

"I think I should be the one saying that. You brought the pizza." Paige reminded Emily.

"You should ask Kayla to eat the rest with you tonight. There's still plenty to go around." Emily said before gesturing behind her and managing to give Paige a small smile.

"Yeah. Maybe I will." Paige answered, her eyes never leaving the girl's.

Emily fought the urge to lean forward and kiss Paige knowing the girl will just pull away. "I'm gonna go now. Bye." She said instead, waving awkwardly before turning around to head for the bank of elevators.

"Bye." Paige repeated softly, following the girl with her eyes until Emily rounded the corner and disappeared. She then closed the door and leaned against it, frustrated.

---

Emily hurriedly entered the locker room in Sheerr Pool on Thursday morning, heading straight for her locker so she could grab her things and take a quick shower. She was already running late for her shift at the Café because the team's coach just asked to speak with her after their practice, taking her to the side to point out that her performance this morning was far from stellar. Like she needed Coach Mike to tell her what she already knew. She was distracted and it showed in her swimming. Emily pulled open the locker door, rummaging absentmindedly around her duffel bag for her bath items and clothes, her mind on Paige despite the lecture she got just now.

"Coach Mike done grilling you?" Emily looked up and managed to keep her expression neutral when she saw Cesca approaching her.

After Paige told her the reason for Cesca's hatred, Emily spent less time with her teammate. It wasn't intentional. And it's not like she was mad at the girl or anything. She just didn't like being caught in the middle of a Cold War between old friends so she avoided Cesca in favor of Paige, uncomfortable spending time with a person who loathed the girl she cared about.

"Yeah." Emily answered, returning to searching for her clothes.

"I guess I wasn't the only one who noticed that you've been off your time for a few days now." Cesca continued, standing behind the girl. "Everything okay with you?"

Emily nodded. "Yeah. Just have a lot of stuff going on in my life right now." She explained without turning around to face the girl.

"Anything I can do to help?" Cesca offered, walking a few steps so she was standing next to Emily.

"Thanks but you wouldn't understand. It's not really something I can talk to you about." Emily admitted, giving the girl an apologetic look.

"Because it's about you and Paige?" Cesca guessed.

"There's no me and Paige." Emily told the girl, feeling like she was telling the truth despite lying. "It's related to MUSE." She added just to satisfy the girl's curiosity.

"The marketing organization. So you went through with it. You joined." Cesca said, smiling at the girl. "Well you fit right in with that crowd. I don't see why you're having trouble with it now."

"Like I said, you wouldn't understand." Emily repeated, closing her locker door. "It's not a big deal, really. And I promised Coach Mike I'll work harder to improve my times."

"Emily." Cesca called out before the girl could head for the showers. "I'm still your friend." She began, giving the girl a small smile. "I'm not dense. I know you've been avoiding me because we don't see eye to eye when it comes to Paige. But she's not the only person we have in common. There's also Jai." She reminded the girl. "I wasn't able to make things right with her but that doesn't mean I forgot that we were friends for years. Just knowing that you made Jai happy and that you loved her is enough reason for me to like you." Cesca admitted. "But before I knew you were friends with them we got along. Regardless of me knowing them before you and you knowing them after they left Girard, you and I got along. We can talk about other things entirely unrelated to them. So whatever your problem is about MUSE, if you need someone to talk to. I'm here." She said earnestly.

"Thanks." Emily uttered, giving the girl a grateful smile before heading for the showers.

Cesca reassuring her that they're friends should've made Emily feel better. But instead it reminded her that while she does have people she can talk to about other things, when it came to the one thing that mattered right now, she had no one.

---

"We should celebrate!" Reese suggested, raising her voice to be heard above the excited chatter around them as she got off the bus in the parking lot of Penn Park on Saturday afternoon. "Throw a party or something. Maybe at your place?"

"Oh no way!" Paige protested, shaking her head vehemently. "My neighbors are going to complain and I'm not a good host, Reese. If you want to party so much go throw it somewhere else."

The women's track and field team just got back from their first indoor track meet of the spring semester and having placed first, it wasn't surprising that everyone's in a festive mood ever since they left Bethlehem.

"Fine. Maybe we'll just go to a club then. I'm not really in the mood to play host and clean up after." Reese admitted, slinging her duffel bag over her shoulder as they made their way to their respective cars. "Want to come? Check out what a non-gay club looks like?"

"I'm pretty sure it's the same as a gay club. Only with the dance floor filled with straight people." Paige answered wryly.

Reese shrugged. "Still. Could be fun. Unless of course you already made plans tonight to celebrate our win with a certain raven-haired barista. In which case I completely understand." She added teasingly.

Paige gave her friend a strained smile. "No. I didn't make plans with Emily." She answered, gripping the strap of her duffel bag tighter. In fact, we haven't talked to each other since that awkward lunch last Wednesday.

"You know... I'm inclined to believe that lie if she wasn't waiting for you by your car." Reese said, subtly inclining her head to their right. "This is the second time I've seen her waiting for you."

Paige glanced towards the spot where she parked her car and true enough, Emily was standing by the passenger side, one hand in the pocket of her fleece jacket, the other holding a black paper bag.

"What time did you say the party was?" Paige asked, looking at Reese again.

"Around ten. Let's meet outside Fluid. It's a club on Fourth Street between South and Bainbridge Streets. I'll give the others a heads up." Reese decided. "And it's not an exclusive party." She added, giving Paige a pointed look. "I'll see you tonight." She said, touching the girl's arm before heading to her car.

Paige sighed and reluctantly made her way to hers, steeling herself for another awkward conversation with the raven-haired girl.

"Hey there hot stuff." Emily said in greeting, cringing inwardly at the words she just uttered in her nervousness.

"What are you doing here?" Paige asked once she was standing in front of the girl.

"I thought I'd wait for you. Find out how your first indoor track meet went." Emily explained, fidgeting with the handles of the paper bag she was holding. "Why do you look surprised?"

"I just didn't expect you to be here." Paige admitted.

"What are you talking about? You told me about it." Emily reminded the girl, giving Paige a small smile.

"I know. I just didn't think you'd remember." Paige clarified, placing her hands inside the pockets of the trousers of her tracksuit. "And even if you did, you didn't have to wait for me here. You could've just called or texted to ask how it went. Saved you the trip and having to stand in the cold."

Emily's smile faltered. "I don't mind waiting. I want to hear all about it in person." She managed to say in an upbeat tone despite getting the impression that Paige didn't really want her around and that the girl felt like she didn't care. "Congratulations, by the way." She continued. "Judging from the chatter when you guys arrived I'm guessing you won first place. You must be ecstatic."

Paige nodded. "Thanks." She said, playing with the strap of her duffel bag to hide her discomfort.

"Um... here. I got you something." Emily revealed, finally handing to the girl the paper bag she was carrying.

Paige accepted the gift, giving Emily a puzzled look. She opened the bag and stared at what was inside before looking at the girl again

"It's the replacement for the hoodie I gave you." Emily explained, now thinking that it was a bad idea just from studying Paige's reaction. "I bought it before I came here."

"Thanks but you really didn't have to get me a new hoodie." Paige said, noting that now the hoodie inside the paper bag was the same as Emily's red one. "I already have a lot of jackets."

"Paige... I'm trying here." Emily pointed out, her voice almost pleading. "It's more than just a hoodie and you know that. It's what giving you that hoodie meant. And though I did it back then as a friend, my reason for giving you that one now is the same. I still want you around. But clearly you don't feel the same way." She guessed when Paige just stood there. Emily reached for the paper bag while fighting for composure but the girl moved it out of her reach.

"I'm sure I can find room in my closet for this. And I probably look better in red anyway." Paige added, giving Emily a faint smile. "Thanks."

"So do you want to celebrate?" Emily asked after a moment of silence passed between them. "We could order takeout? Have dinner at your place? My treat." She offered, hoping this time she could change things between them.

"Um... I'm kinda tired. Rain check?" Paige suggested, unable to tell the girl that she's blowing her off to go to a club. On any other day she would ditch the party to celebrate with Emily. But she could barely touch the girl and being alone with Emily was so painfully awkward that she found herself lying instead.

"Yeah. Of course." Emily answered, giving Paige a reassuring smile. "I'll... um... I guess I'll see you around." She continued, walking past the girl to head to the bus stop.

"I can give you a ride back to Harrison." Paige called after Emily.

Emily shook her head. "It's fine. I don't mind taking the bus. You had a pretty tiring day so you should rest." She insisted, hiding her disappointment with another smile before turning around to resume walking briskly towards the bus stop.

Paige cursed herself inwardly and dropped her duffel bag on the ground before running after the girl. "Emily, wait. I'm not too tired for you." She said when she was close enough. "Come on. I'll give you a ride."

Emily swallowed hard, her heart racing and she turned around to face Paige. "Okay. Thanks." She uttered before heading back to Paige's car with her head down.

Paige stared at Emily, knowing she was hurting the girl. She was starting to get really frustrated with herself. She agreed not to end things with Emily. But now she can't bring herself to touch the girl. Things between them were getting worse. She had to do something. Only she didn't know what.

---

Kayla stepped out of the elevator close to one in the morning, letting out a chortle when she stumbled. "I think I'm drunk." She stage-whispered, leaning on the wall beside the elevator for support.

"Gee, you think?" Paige retorted, rolling her eyes before she moved to support Jai's sister. "Passing yourself off as straight and over twenty-one will do wonders to your blood alcohol level. How many guys offered to buy you drinks and how many did you accept?" She asked as she guided Kayla to the girl's apartment.

Paige made a last-minute decision to invite Jai's sister to come with her to Fluid earlier that night. She didn't want to come alone and since Reese said that the party was non-exclusive and Kayla had a fake ID, she thought she'd ask the girl to go to the club. It was Saturday night and they haven't gotten a chance to hang out recently considering they were neighbors so she wanted to spend time with the girl. Only the girl spent the night downing drinks, flirting with guys and letting loose on the dance floor that Paige spent her night watching Kayla instead.

"Why? Are you jealous?" Kayla said in reply as she rested her head on Paige's shoulder groggily.

"No. I'm annoyed." Paige corrected the girl. "You could've gotten in trouble if one of those guys slipped something in your drink. Good thing Reese told me what you were up to. Keys." She ordered, extending a hand towards the girl.

Kayla shifted a little, rummaging around her purse for her house keys. She finally found it and handed them to Paige but dropped it at the last second. "Oops." She muttered, laughing.

Paige sighed and guided Kayla to rest against the wall beside the door before bending over to retrieve the keys from the ground. She slid the key into the lock when she found the right one and grabbed Kayla by the waist as they entered the apartment.

"Why didn't you ask Emily to come with you tonight?" Kayla suddenly asked, breaking the silence between them as Paige took her to the bedroom. "I forgot to ask earlier when you showed up in my front door wearing this." She continued, placing her hand on the exposed skin between the waistband of Paige's dark denim mini skirt and the hem of the green form-fitting shirt the girl was wearing.

Paige gently pushed Kayla's hand away. "I wanted to spend time with you." She said before depositing the girl on the bed. She took off the girl's shoes and reached for Kayla's purse before gently moving the girl so Kayla was comfortable. "We haven't spent time together considering we live on the same floor. And clubs are your thing."

"Are you two fighting again?" Kayla asked, ignoring Paige's answer and looking up at her with heavy-lidded eyes.

Paige shook her head. "No. We're not." She answered, finally sitting next to the girl.

"Then why do you look so sad all night? We were in a club. Good music, good food, celebrating your team's win. But all night you were detached. Why?" Kayla asked, blinking her eyes slowly.

"Emily called me Jai." Paige confessed after a moment of silence passed between them. "A few days ago. We were hanging out and... she apologized but I can't move past it. I want to but I don't know how."

Kayla raised her upper body and supported her weight with her arms. "Hanging out like this?" She asked before leaning forward and kissing the girl.

Paige's eyes widened and she quickly pulled away when she felt the girl's lips on hers. "Kayla you're so drunk you don't even know what you're doing." She admonished the girl. Paige wiped her mouth with the back of her hand twice but she could still taste the alcohol.

Kayla rested her head on her pillow again, closing her eyes to stop the room from spinning. "At least I have an excuse. What's yours?" She slurred, turning her body to face Paige with her eyes still closed. "You know Emily's probably never gonna get over my sister if she's still thinking about Jai. So why do you still want to be with her?" Kayla managed to ask before falling asleep.

Good question. Paige thought, staring at the sleeping girl. She pulled the comforter on the foot of Kayla's bed until it was under the girl's chin before she got up and slowly made her way to the door, stopping in front of Kayla's study table when she saw a photo. A photo of Jai's family with Emily and the four were smiling for the camera. She wasn't there but she knew of it because Kayla wouldn't stop raving to her about the place and giving her a blow by blow account of everything that happened once they got back. It was taken when the Hayes went to Cabo for a couple of weeks one summer. Logan invited Emily to join them and Jai convinced Pam and Wayne to allow their daughter to come. Paige glanced at Kayla before she reached for the picture frame, her thumb lightly grazing Emily's features.

Why? "Because I'm never gonna get over her." Paige whispered, staring at the girl's smiling face.

---

Emily opened her eyes when she heard her phone ring from her bedside table, using it as an excuse to get up and abandon any attempt of trying to fall asleep. She had been lying in her bed ever since Paige dropped her off, not really having any energy to do anything so she just wallowed in her bed, staring at the ceiling until it got dark. Spencer went home for the weekend so she had the room to herself and she was relieved that she didn't have to lie when her friend asks why she was sulking. She reached for her phone and felt her mouth run dry when she saw Paige's face on the screen. It was close to two in the morning so she was confused as to why the girl was calling her. Maybe Paige was going to tell her that the girl wanted to stop seeing her. Emily felt a lump form in her throat when the thought crossed her mind and she considered not taking the call. Delaying the inevitable. Still... the girl might be calling for a different reason. An emergency of some sort and she wouldn't be able to forgive herself if Paige needed her and she didn't come to the girl's aid.

"Hello?" Emily said in greeting, her voice hoarse.

"Hey. Sorry. Did I wake you up?" Paige asked uncertainly.

Emily moved to make herself comfortable and sat on her bed cross-legged. "No. I wasn't asleep. I couldn't sleep." She admitted. "You?"

"Same." Paige replied.

Emily bit her bottom lip, her pulse racing as she waited for Paige to tell her the reason why the girl called. She tried to breathe as noiselessly as possible but things in her room and on the other end of the line were so silent that she still heard herself exhale and she heard the faint sound of bed sheet rubbing against skin over the line, telling her that Paige was in bed, just like her.

"So." Paige finally said from the other end of the line before Emily could break the silence.

"So." Emily repeated.

"Is Spencer there? Can you talk to me?" Paige asked.

"Yeah. Spencer went home to Rosewood for the weekend. It's just me." Emily revealed, glancing at the other side of the room.

"Good. So... what did you do yesterday?" Paige continued.

"Nothing much. My day was pretty boring." Emily answered, relieved that Paige called just to talk. "I had pancakes for breakfast, then I went to a workshop for MARC. Had pasta for lunch with some of my batchmates from MUSE then we resumed the workshop. I didn't stay long though. I left early so I could buy the jacket and then wait for you outside Penn Park. You drove me back to Harrison and I've been lying in my bed since then."

"You didn't eat dinner?" Paige asked, concerned.

"Wasn't really in the mood to eat." Emily admitted. It's not like she could keep anything down with how much her stomach has been churning at the mere thought of her situation with Paige. "How was your day?" She asked, shifting the topic of conversation to the girl.

"Good." Paige began. "I had a muffin and a banana for breakfast. Spent the whole day in Bethlehem. Ate a bunch of carbs for lunch. Won first place. Went home and arrived on campus to see you waiting for me. Drove you back to Harrison. Ate a slice of the leftover pizza from last Wednesday for dinner..."

"And?" Emily urged when she felt like Paige was about to say something else.

"I went to a club with some of my teammates to celebrate and I asked Kayla to come with me. We got back almost an hour ago." Paige confessed.

"Oh." Emily uttered, biting her bottom lip. "Guess you weren't so tired after all. Must be that leftover pizza you had for dinner. Gave you an energy boost." She added, trying to make it sound like a joke but her voice cracked. "Well at least you had fun with Reese and Kayla tonight. I mean you did. Right?"

"I'm sorry." Paige said earnestly, ignoring the girl's question. "For lying about my plans this evening. Saying I'm tired and that I didn't want to celebrate."

"It's fine. You're supposed to be celebrating your team's win and being with me hardly puts you in a festive mood lately." Emily pointed out, trying to make her tone sound light. She really understood Paige's reason for not wanting to be around her. But it still hurt.

"Don't say that. It's not fine. I'm being a jerk. You apologized for the slip up several times. And I said okay but my behavior speaks otherwise." Paige admitted. "I didn't even apologize for making you wait for two hours for me after your meeting last Tuesday. And yesterday I practically rejected the jacket you bought me because I couldn't get past the idea that you just felt guilty that's why you bought me a new one."

"I get it. Being distant and wary around me. I'm not mad. It's fine. I understand." Emily promised. "But I want you to know that you're important to me. I know you don't... I know it's hard to believe right now. But you are. And I listen. When you talk. When you get excited about something in your life. I listen. You matter." She said earnestly.

"Want to have dinner with me later? We could have a post celebration." Paige suggested.

Emily frowned. "I have a workshop with MUSE in the afternoon and I don't know what time we're going to be done. Lunch?" She asked instead.

"My dad's coming over." Paige reminded the girl. "Lunch tomorrow?"

"Lunch with Spencer." Emily answered apologetically. "Dinner tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Yeah okay." Paige finally agreed. "Oh..." She suddenly uttered.

"What?" Emily asked, biting her bottom lip. "Rain check again?"

"No. I just remembered that I made plans with Brian. I promised I would take him to the arcade for a few hours after his soccer practice." Paige admitted. "I won't be home until eight or nine. So if you want to have lunch or dinner on Tuesday instead..."

"No it's okay. I can still come over." Emily interjected. "I'll bring the dinner. It's my treat since we're still celebrating your team's win even if it's been two days since you guys won." She added, making Paige laugh.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow night for dinner then." Paige affirmed. "Are you sleepy now?" She asked after a moment of silence.

Emily stifled a yawn. "Yeah but... can we stay on the line until we fall asleep? You can tell me about your week." She suggested. She and Paige were finally talking and she didn't want to stop just so she could sleep.

"No. I'd rather hear about yours." Paige said, making Emily smile. "You didn't tell me how things went with your first MUSE meeting. How was it?"

Emily lied down and turned to face the window, imagining that Paige was lying next to her despite the size of her bed. "It was good." She began, a huge smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. "I met most of the members and my batchmates before the meeting and so far I like them. But the best part was during the meeting. When everyone was exchanging and throwing ideas. I felt like I was in a huge think tank..."

---

"Whoa. Slow down buddy. You're gonna get ice cream all over your shirt." Paige said, leaning forward to wipe off the chocolate ice cream on Brian's chin before it made its way to the boy's white soccer shirt. "You really love chocolate ice cream, huh?" She asked, giving the boy an amused smile.

Brian nodded his head eagerly. "When my mom gets home from work we always eat chocolate ice cream together. It's our thing." He said as he dangled his feet on the chair he was occupying before licking his ice cream again.

The two were currently seated on one of the tables in the food court of King of Prussia Mall on a Monday afternoon. Brian got tired of playing in the arcade and when Paige suggested that they sit for a bit, the boy hurriedly asked that they get ice cream in the food court. Paige agreed and bought a bottle of water for herself and an extra one so the boy could wash the ice cream down once he's done eating.

"Yeah but it's still winter. Aren't you cold?" Paige asked before taking a sip of her water.

"A little. But I read somewhere that eating something cold when you're cold is good. Because your body then works overtime to keep you warm." Brian revealed matter-of-factly.

"I see. And where did you read that?" Paige asked, amused.

"Sophia lent me a science book last week." Brian whispered, his cheeks starting to flush. "I thought I wouldn't like it. But it's really good. I think I love science now because of her."

"Sophia's really smart, huh?" Paige asked, wiping another chocolate liquid dripping from Brian's chin.

"She is. She's in the top of our class. And she's really popular. That's why a lot of boys like her." Brian admitted, frowning.

"Ah. Girl problems. I have them too, buddy." Paige said, giving the boy an understanding smile.

Brian stared at Paige in disbelief. "What's your problem? You're with the really pretty girl you like." He pointed out. "Mine won't give me the time of day unless I read a book she likes."

"Reading is fun." Paige encouraged. "And if you do that you and Sophia will have something to talk about. Like science."

"I guess." Brian said reluctantly. "But it's just because the science book had cool stuff in it. If she gives me a math book I'm a goner. I hate math." He added, making a face before eating the waffle cone of his ice cream.

Paige laughed. "Get Sophia to teach you. Maybe it won't be so bad." She said, tousling the boy's hair affectionately.

"You're lucky. You don't have to keep impressing the girl you like." Brian commented without looking at Paige as he concentrated on eating the cone.

"Why do you say that?" Paige asked, giving Brian a curious look.

"Duh. She's already impressed with you. Otherwise she won't be with you. That's why I was asking what your problem is if the really pretty girl you like is already your really pretty girl." Brian pointed out.

"Well my really pretty girl called me by a different name." Paige revealed, unable to believe that she was talking to a kid about her problem. "The name of someone who died not too long ago."

"Did she say she was sorry after?" Brian asked, swallowing the last of the waffle cone he had been eating.

Paige nodded. "Several times." She admitted.

"Then I don't see the problem. Missis Brandt said that people make mistakes. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes not so much. But we all make it. We're not perfect. But if they apologize afterwards and mean it, you should forgive them. God forgives you all the time." Brian pointed out.

"Who's Missis Brandt?" Paige asked, confused.

"My Religion teacher. She also sings and plays the piano during mass so she's close to God." Brian added proudly. "You should listen to her and forgive Emily."

"I did forgive Emily." Paige said, twisting the cap of the other bottle of water to open it before handing it to the boy. "But it still hurts. I'm not God, Brian. Kinda hard to just let it go."

Brian nodded. "Yeah. I know the feeling. When I was four my mom used to call me Billie all the time when my sister went to Pittsburgh to live with my dad." He revealed before taking a sip of his water.

"All the time?" Paige repeated, looking at the boy hesitantly.

"Well not all the time. Just when I do something that Billie used to do and she sees it." Brian clarified.

"And you never said anything." Paige added, frowning.

"Oh I did. At first I didn't because I was confused. But eventually I did. When she called me Billie the first time I remember running to the front door because I actually thought my sister came home." Brian said, laughing. "Then it happened again when I went inside the house after playing outside and my shoes were muddy because it rained. My mom was furious when she saw the muddy shoe prints leading to the bathroom and she called out my sister's name. That's when I first told her that my name's Brian and she apologized for the mistake." He revealed, playing with the cap of his bottle of water. "Then I noticed that although it wasn't all the time... when I do something wrong and she scolded me, she would yell Billie's name first. That's when I realized just how much she missed my sister and that what I just did reminded her of Billie. So I tried to understand her. After that I just kept reminding her that I'm a boy whenever she called me Billie. My sister's the girl, I'm the boy." Brian said, pointing to himself. "Then one day I decided to do something different. When my mom got home from work I saw how tired she was so I went up to her and took off her shoes and offered to massage her feet. Something Billie never did. And she liked it. After that she told me we should eat ice cream when she comes home at night and that it would be our special thing. She still missed Billie. What I did didn't make her forget about my sister. Not that I wanted her to. I love Billie a lot. But that night I did something my sister never did. And my mom saw that."

"My situation isn't exactly the same as yours." Paige told the boy wryly. It was easy for kids to forgive an adult. Because it was easy to pacify a kid and they don't hold grudges for long. Their innocence was still intact and their view of the world wasn't jaded.

"I know. But... what did you do anyway?" Brian asked, looking at Paige curiously. "You must've done something that's why she called you by a different name."

"She said stop and I didn't." Paige confessed.

"Well next time you should listen to her. Was she angry?" Brian asked worriedly. "When she said the other person's name. Was she angry? Sad? Happy? Excited?"

Paige shook her head. "No. She wasn't any of those things." She replied.

She was scared. Paige thought when she remembered Emily's voice when the girl called out Jai's name. But she didn't get a chance to ask why. Emily said Jai was patient with her. That her best friend understood and that nothing happened between them. Maybe that's the reason why Emily didn't want to be intimate with her now. Because the girl wanted her first time to be with Jai but that will never happen. So she probably shouldn't expect anything to happen anytime soon between them. Something she'll eventually be fine with. But that meant curbing her lust whenever she's with the girl or finding a way to relieve herself.

"I want to play Guitar Hero next." Brian decided, jumping up.

"Okay. But I'm taking you to Reese after." Paige reminded the boy, getting up as well.

"But I want to hang out with you some more." Brian pleaded, pouting.

Paige smiled. "Me too. But I have plans tonight." She revealed apologetically as they made their way back to the arcade.

"Ooh. With Emily!" Brian exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Are you gonna kiss her?" He asked teasingly.

Paige laughed. "Maybe." She admitted. "Hey Bri. What we talked about earlier... it's our secret, okay?"

Brian nodded. "Yeah. You can trust me. I'm everybody's secret keeper!" He yelled proudly before running ahead of Paige.

"Reese is gonna kill me." Paige muttered under her breath as she watched the boy run around the mall in circles.

---

Clean slate. That was what they agreed on. Not tabula rasa. But ever since that night that she uttered Jai's name by mistake, she and Paige have barely spent time together and when they do, things are awkward. Emily was getting frustrated. Even if Paige told her things between them were fine, it was obvious that the girl was hesitant to touch or kiss her and she didn't want to force Paige to a make out session when it was obvious that what happened was still fresh in the girl's memory.

But Emily can't bear sitting this close to Paige and not touch the girl. They talked until the sun was up last weekend. That's progress. Right? Maybe Paige won't avoid her now. She watched the girl take out the contents of the paper bag which held the dinner she brought with her when she came over and decided to try something. Emily moved a little closer to the girl, purposely brushing her skin against Paige's ever so slightly and felt her breath hitch. It seemed ages ago that they've touched and she missed being held by the girl. It was amazing how much Paige affected her. But just when Emily thought they were making progress, Paige visibly flinched and moved a little away from her.

Emily bit her bottom lip in frustration before grabbing the paper bag. "Let me help." She offered, placing her hand near Paige's. She hoped Paige would at least touch hands with her but the girl handed the paper bag to her instead and busied herself with transferring some of the food to their plates. Emily took out the rest of their dinner from inside the bag and then faced Paige.

"Kiss me." Emily ordered, staring at the girl. They had to start somewhere.

Paige stopped what she was doing for a second before continuing as if she didn't hear Emily. "I'm famished." She replied, trying to hide her nervousness. "Maybe later." She added without so much as a glance at the girl.

"Paige." Emily uttered, reaching out to take the girl's hand in hers and refusing to release her grip on it when Paige tried to remove her hand. "Why won't you kiss me?"

"What are you talking about? I've kissed you." Paige answered even though she knew what Emily was trying to say.

"I meant until recently." Emily clarified. "The last time we kissed was that night. You haven't kissed or touched me since then."

"It's not a big deal." Paige insisted.

"Yes it is. Before that night we couldn't keep our hands off each other and now it seems like you're afraid to touch me or something." Emily said, finally realizing the truth as soon as the words left her mouth. "That's it, isn't it? You're scared to kiss me." She stated. Paige didn't say anything but Emily could see the answer written all over the girl's face. "Paige... I promise it won't happen again." Emily said earnestly.

"I believe you. I'm just doing my part to help you keep your promise." Paige explained.

"By refusing to kiss me?" Emily guessed, releasing Paige's hand.

"I just don't want things to get out of hand. If we start kissing my hands might wander again and... I just think it's better if I don't initiate things." Paige insisted.

Emily knew Paige was really hurting because of what happened and she didn't know what to do. She just knew her brain wasn't going to make the same mistake of saying Jai's name again knowing how much the girl seated beside her was struggling with her slip up.

"I want to be able to move past what happened." Emily said quietly. "But we won't be able to do that if you're not willing to try." When Paige didn't say anything, a thought crossed her mind and she summoned the courage to ask it. "Do you want to go back to being friends because of what happened and you just don't know how to tell me?" Emily asked, fearing that Paige's feelings for her have changed.

Paige shook her head. "I've never seen you as just a friend and I never will." She admitted.

Emily's pulse quickened at the words the girl said and she decided to take the first step towards breaking the cold spell. She slowly leaned in close to kiss Paige on the cheek. "So can we please try? I want to feel your arms around me again." She said quietly.

Paige bit her bottom lip, deciding what to do with what the girl just asked of her. She wanted to be able to kiss Emily like before. But the thought of hearing Jai's name again in the middle of a heated make out session was stopping her from making a move. She wanted to get past what happened. And if Emily wanted that as well, maybe they could do it together. Taking a deep breath, she finally faced Emily but still refused to look the girl in the eye. Emily slowly wrapped her arms around Paige's neck and smiled when the girl wrapped her arms around her waist, pulling her closer. Paige finally looked into Emily's eyes and leaned in close, their lips grazing.

Emily closed the distance between them, feeling lightheaded the instant Paige's lips began moving against hers slowly, like trying to get used to kissing her again. Paige felt her heart hammer as their lips parted and met softly and she heard herself sigh when they came up for air.

"Not bad, right?" Emily asked as she rested her forehead against Paige's, a feeling of warmth spreading through her when she saw Paige finally grin.

Emily kissed Paige on the lips again, this time with more urgency before gently pushing the girl to lie down on the couch, moving on top of Paige without breaking contact. Paige held Emily by the girl's slender waist, pulling Emily closer to her as she savored the feel of the girl's body against hers.

Emily's lips began to make their way towards Paige's neck, missing being able to kiss every inch of soft skin she can get access to. "I missed you." She whispered breathlessly.

Paige swallowed hard. "I missed you too." She admitted, her voice hoarse as she gazed at Emily's face. She smiled faintly when the girl tenderly brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes.

"We can stop if you want." Emily said when she saw the twinge of fear and worry in Paige's eyes.

Their position on the couch could mean that the next time their lips touched their kisses would eventually turn heated and she understood the girl's anxiety. Even if she didn't want to stop kissing Paige and have Paige kiss her back, she didn't want the girl to feel pressured.

"Dinner might get cold." Paige said as she glanced at the food on the coffee table beside them. "And I am kinda famished. She admitted. "All I had when I was with Brian was a bottle of water."

"Say no more." Emily said, sitting up straight to disentangle herself from Paige and continue transferring the food to their plates.

Paige began helping Emily with the task, this time touching the girl's hand when she grabbed the plate to let Emily transfer some noodles in it. "Maybe we can continue later." She suggested, staring at the girl.

"I'd like that." Emily answered, smiling as she held out to Paige the plate of food she prepared for her.

---

Paige stood in front of Kayla's apartment door on Tuesday morning, debating whether or not to knock. Not that Jai's sister noticed or anything, but she had been avoiding running into Kayla since Saturday. She knew she had nothing to be guilty about. It's not like she kissed Kayla back. But now that she and Emily were slowly getting back to being intimate, she just had to know if Kayla remembered what happened that night. She omitted the entire thing when she and Emily talked on the phone for hours and she was still trying to decide whether or not to tell the girl.

"Paige." Kayla's surprised tone in front of her jolted Paige out of her reverie.

"Kayla." Paige said in greeting. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn't notice the girl's door open.

"Um... did you need something or are you just lurking on my front door?" Kayla asked, amused.

"Where are you going?" Paige said in reply.

Kayla creased her brows. "To school. I'm running late actually." She added, checking the time on her watch. "So if you need something..."

"My earring." Paige blurted out.

"Your earring." Kayla repeated. "The one you asked me about last Sunday through text if I saw."

Paige nodded. "That's the one." She confirmed, trying not to act nervous.

"Paige, I told you I can't find it." Kayla reminded the girl. "Why are you so eager to find that piece of jewelry when you don't even wear it when you're going to class?"

"Because. I just don't like having an incomplete pair of earrings lying around." Paige explained. "Did you look everywhere?" She asked, trying to find out if Kayla's memories about that night returned.

"Yeah. Even my bedroom." Kayla revealed.

"Why would you look in your bedroom?" Paige asked, studying the girl.

"Well I don't know where else to look." Kayla replied exasperatedly. "You said you misplaced it somewhere in my apartment and I've looked outside. The only places I haven't were in the bathroom and the bedroom. If you like that pair of earrings so much I'll try looking for it again tonight."

"Yeah. Okay. Thanks." Paige said, turning around to leave.

"Hey. I have a question." Kayla called out, making Paige anxious.

"I thought you were running late?" Paige reminded the girl.

"Yeah well I'm already late thanks to your earring emergency just now." Kayla shot back. "Why are you pretending that Saturday night didn't happen? I was the one who got drunk. Not you."

"So you remembered." Paige guessed. "Sorry. I just didn't want to make you feel awkward."

"Awkward? Why would I feel awkward around you? Did I do something wrong?" Kayla asked, studying Paige.

Paige shook her head. "No. No you didn't. You were just really drunk so you weren't yourself." She clarified.

"Oh no. Did I kiss a guy?" Kayla guessed, frowning.

"Uh... I don't think so. What do you remember about Saturday?" Paige asked cautiously. "The latter part."

Kayla pursed her lips, thinking hard. "Well I remember you escorting me out of Fluid. Nagging me for pretending to be straight and twenty-one. Then something about blood?" She said, looking at Paige.

"Yeah I was escorting you out of the elevator at that point. I was too annoyed at you back at the club to say anything." Paige admitted.

"Oh. Okay. Well after that I don't remember much. I just wanted to sleep. Mind telling me what happened after that would make you think I'd be awkward around you?" Kayla asked expectantly.

"There was no particular thing." Paige replied. "I just thought your behavior when you got drunk would make you feel awkward. That's it."

"But what happened after we got here?" Kayla asked, curious.

"I helped you get into bed. Tucked you in. Then you fell asleep." Paige said, now the one who's feeling awkward.

"Well I'm checking my bedroom again for that earring then. If you tucked me in it must've fallen off. You should've told me that sooner. Saved me the trouble of turning my entire apartment upside down." Kayla complained, rolling her eyes in annoyance. "If that's all I'm gonna go."

"Yeah. That's it. Sorry for making you late." Paige said apologetically.

"It's fine. I'll give you that earring once I find it." Kayla promised before walking past the girl and heading for the elevators.

Paige watched Jai's sister for a few seconds before going back to her apartment. So Kayla didn't remember what happened. The conversation and the drunken kiss. That's good. Right? She had no reason to be worried now.

---

Ten Months Ago...

"So everything's set for tonight." Emily repeated, making Paige roll her eyes in exasperation.

Emily ignored the girl seated in front of her on the dining table at the Hayes household and focused on Logan and Kayla instead. It was a Saturday afternoon and the three of them (well four if you count Paige's snorts and grunts as contributions) were making last-minute preparations over a late lunch for Jai's arrival tonight. Logan and Kayla decided to be in-charge of the surprise welcome home party and told Emily they don't mind if she picked up Jai from the airport by herself. The three of them tried to convince Paige to come with Emily but the girl declined saying she didn't want to be the third wheel in a reunion of sorts and that her father was home for the weekend so she'll just attend the party after dinner at her house.

"Yes. We got everything covered on this side of things. You just pick up Jai from the airport and drive her here and we'll take care of the rest." Kayla reassured the girl.

"Emily, relax. Everything's going to be perfect." Logan promised.

"I know. Sorry. I just really want tonight to go off without a hitch." Emily admitted. "I still can't believe she's coming home." She said, staring at the empty seat next to hers.

In just a few hours she would be able to hold Jai again. Her girlfriend would be back and they would be together for the rest of her senior year, continuing the rest of their plans for high school. Emily shifted in her seat when she felt her phone vibrate from the back pocket of her jeans.

"It's Jai." Emily said, smiling when she saw who was calling. "Excuse me." She uttered apologetically, getting up to take the call in the living room instead.

"Hey, love." Jai's voice on the other end of the line came through before Emily could say anything.

"Hey!" Emily exclaimed, pleasantly surprised with the last-minute phone call from her girlfriend when she checked the time on the grandfather clock and saw that it was almost two in the afternoon.

"I'm just calling to check on you before I board my flight." Jai explained.

"You're really coming home tonight?" Emily asked, still unable to believe that she was finally going to see Jai again after being separated for months.

"Yeah. I am." Jai answered.

"I can't wait to see you. I miss you so much." Emily admitted, feeling like she was about to cry.

"I miss you too." Jai said softly. "Hey Em..."

"Yeah?" Emily uttered, waiting for the girl to continue.

"When I get back... we need to talk about some things. About our future. We need to make some changes." Jai clarified.

Emily furrowed her brows. "That sounds bad." She said, her other hand touching the locket on her necklace. "Like breaking up bad."

"No. No we're not breaking up." Jai reassured her girlfriend. "I just think we need to make some changes about what we want in life. What I want in life."

"But... I'm still a part of that life, right?" Emily asked, her voice hoarse.

"Yeah. You're still the girl I want to have a future with, Em. But I want to make some changes. We'll talk about it some more when I get back. Okay?" Jai asked.

"Okay." Emily repeated.

"I have to go. My flight's boarding." Jai said reluctantly. "I love you."

"I love you too." Emily said earnestly.

88888

Emily bound down the stairs, taking the steps two at a time when she heard the doorbell ring again followed by insistent knocking. She was in her room, getting ready to meet Jai and her mom was out visiting some relatives so she had no choice but to get the door.

"I'm coming!" Emily called out when she heard the doorbell again.

Emily checked the time on the wall clock in her living room and groaned when she saw that it was already past seven in the evening. Jai's flight would arrive at eight.

"You're really late." Emily said in greeting once she opened the door and saw Paige standing outside. She managed to change the girl's mind once they left the Hayes' so now Jai's best friend was coming with her to pick up her girlfriend from the airport. "I should've borrowed Logan's car instead." She added as she stepped aside to let the girl in, walking towards the mirror mounted on the vestibule to check her reflection one last time.

Paige stepped inside the house, a feeling of dread overcoming her. She gently closed the door behind her, not knowing how to start. "You haven't heard?" She asked, feeling sick to her stomach that she had to be the one to tell the girl the bad news when Emily was standing there oblivious to the chaos in the outside world right now.

"Heard what?" Emily asked, looking at Paige.

"Your mom or dad didn't call? Your friends?" Paige continued, looking around them helplessly.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked, starting to get anxious.

"Jai's plane." Paige uttered, hoping those two words were enough to let Emily know the horrifying reality.

"Was it delayed? Is that why you got here late?" Emily guessed, moving to walk past the girl and head upstairs.

Paige reached out to stop Emily, holding the girl's arm firmly. "No. Emily... Jai's plane." She repeated, her voice hoarse.

Emily shrugged off Paige's hand. "You're starting to scare me." She said, taking a step back.

"I'm so sorry." Paige uttered helplessly.

"No." Emily said, shaking her head. "No." She repeated firmly.

Paige swallowed hard. "It's all over the news." She said softly. The two girls looked towards the living room when they heard the phone ring, the sound disturbing the eerie silence in the house. Paige stared numbly at the vibrating phone on the vestibule. "That's probably your mom or dad or one of your friends." She said as she took a small step closer to the visibly shocked girl. "Emily."

"Stop." Emily ordered, raising a hand to stop Paige from walking closer. "You're lying." She said stonily.

"I'm not. You know I'm not. Turn on the TV." Paige urged.

"Leave." Emily uttered, struggling to breathe.

"No. I am not leaving you tonight." Paige said firmly.

"Just leave!" Emily shouted, taking a step back.

"Emily." Paige whispered, trying to hold the girl.

"Please." Emily pleaded, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry." Paige repeated, feeling helpless as she watched the girl breakdown.

"Oh God. No." Emily cried, crumpling in a heap on the floor. "No. No. No."

"Paige." Paige turned around when she heard her name and saw Spencer standing in the front door, breathless.

"Spencer. Where's Hanna and Aria?" Paige asked, relieved that one of Emily's friends finally arrived.

"I called them. They're on their way." Spencer answered without looking at the girl, walking past Paige to go to her grieving friend.

"I didn't know." Paige said as she stared at Emily weeping brokenly in Spencer's arms. "I thought... she knew. That she saw it on TV so I drove here. I didn't want to be the one to break it to her." She continued, trying not to sound defensive but she felt like it was her fault why the girl was beside herself right now. "I'm gonna go." Paige decided, feeling like she's done enough damage tonight. "I think it's better if her friends stayed with her instead." She uttered, leaving the house without waiting for Spencer to acknowledge her.

---

Present Day...

Emily balanced the brown paper bag she was carrying in her arms, transferring the weight on her left arm so she could free her right and open Paige's door using the key the girl lent her earlier. It was a Tuesday night and after how things went last night, she and Paige decided to have dinner again. She offered to go out and buy their food when she got to the apartment an hour ago and saw how tired the girl was. Paige admitted that she was beat because her coach called for an extended track practice today since they had another meet on Saturday and after their win last weekend, the man was making sure that the team wouldn't slack off and get complacent. Emily decided to borrow Paige's key so the girl wouldn't have to get up when she returned in case Paige was resting. She pushed the door open and entered the apartment, using her foot to close the door behind her once she was inside.

"Paige?" Emily called out when she saw that the girl wasn't in the kitchen, the living room and the balcony. "I'm back!" She added as she placed the paper bag on the kitchen countertop.

When there was no response, Emily headed straight for the girl's bedroom, an eager smile on her lips at the thought of seeing Paige. She was about to call out again when she saw that the bedroom door was ajar. Emily moved to push it a little wider but she stopped in her tracks, surprised to see the girl's back turned to her.

Paige's naked back. Emily felt her cheeks flush in embarrassment and was about to blurt out an apology for barging in when she realized that Paige didn't hear her come in. She willed herself to look away, feeling like a pervert for watching the girl change but she couldn't. She stood there, admiring Paige's curves, a sudden surge of desire coursing through her when she remembered how smooth the girl's skin is. Emily felt her pulse race. This was the first time she's seen Paige naked. Or any girl naked for that matter. Granted it was just a topless Paige so it was semi-naked really. But the fact that she was insanely attracted to the girl wasn't making things easier.

Please wear a bra. Emily pleaded, feeling uncomfortable at the thought of being alone with Paige right now. When Paige moved to put on a loose shirt, Emily groaned inwardly. She hurriedly made her way back to the kitchen and busied herself with preparing their dinner, hoping her cheeks weren't flushed. She jumped back in surprise when she felt Paige's arms around her waist.

"Hey. I didn't hear you come in." Paige said in greeting before depositing a soft kiss on Emily's nape, making the girl shiver.

"Yeah." Emily uttered, a little breathless. "I called out but you weren't answering. I figured I'd start taking these out." She continued, managing to sound normal despite the pounding of her heart. Emily closed her eyes when she felt Paige move closer, the girl's breasts brushing against her back. "Paige." She whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah?" Paige asked as she brushed Emily's hair to one side and kissed the girl's nape softly.

"I'm hungry." Emily blurted out, moving away.

Paige furrowed her brows, confused. "Okay. Let's eat." She said, reaching for the paper bag to help the girl prepare their dinner but Emily moved it away from her.

"I got this. Just sit on the couch and I'll bring them over." Emily offered, willing her pulse to return to normal.

Paige nodded and walked past Emily to grab a couple of plates, glasses and utensils before she headed to the living room. She set everything down on the coffee table and grabbed the remote control before settling on the couch. Paige pressed the mute button to return the sound. She muted it earlier when Emily called the restaurant and ordered their dinner and she forgot about it.

"What's on TV tonight?" Emily asked as she began to remove from the paper bag the cartons of food she bought, trying to keep her mind off Paige's bare back.

"Uh, I don't know. Haven't had the time to browse the channels." Paige admitted as she switched to another show. "You're the one who turned it on." She added teasingly without looking at the girl.

"What?" Emily uttered, feeling her cheeks flush.

Paige briefly turned around to face Emily. "The TV? You turned it on when you got here." She reminded the girl.

"Right." Emily said, grateful that the lights were dim or Paige would notice her blush. "Busy day today?"

"Yeah. I'm so exhausted with our classes and then that track practice earlier." Paige answered over her shoulder as she returned her attention to the TV screen. "How's your day?"

"Okay." Emily answered as she walked over and sat beside the girl, putting a little distance between them.

Paige studied Emily before she offered the girl the remote control. "Trade you for dinner?" She said, waving the rectangular object in front of Emily. She moved it out of the girl's reach just as Emily moved to take it. "Tell me what's wrong first."

"Nothing's wrong." Emily replied, unable to stop her mind from going back to seeing Paige's naked back earlier.

"You're jumpy. Something's wrong." Paige pointed out. She placed the remote control behind her, completely out of Emily's reach, and waited for the girl to speak.

Emily tried to move past Paige, struggling to get the remote. "I'm just starving and I want to watch TV." She insisted, starting to get annoyed at Paige's antics but the girl found the situation funny.

"Tell me." Paige ordered, grinning. When Emily leaned forward to grab the remote behind her, Paige took the opportunity and captured Emily's lips on hers, stealing a kiss from the girl.

Emily quickly pulled back, the surge of lust she felt ever since she accidentally saw Paige earlier coming back the moment the girl's lips touched hers. "Why did you do that?" She asked, her voice hoarse.

"Because you haven't kissed me since you arrived and I thought we're back to being able to kiss each other." Paige said lightly. She moved to grab the remote behind her and finally handed it to the girl. "Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing's wrong." Emily repeated. She took the remote and faced the TV, switching channels every few seconds to find a good show.

Emily was aware that Paige was watching her, still trying to figure out her weird behavior while transferring some of the food to their plates. A moan coming from the TV screen made them stop what they were doing and for a while, they sat on the couch transfixed as they watched the two girls on screen getting it on, their moans the only sound audible in the room. Quickly, Paige grabbed the remote from Emily's hand and switched it to an infomercial. She put down the remote on the coffee table and continued what she was doing, not meeting the girl's gaze.

Emily bit her bottom lip anxiously. "I didn't know you have porn." She finally said.

"I don't. That must've been a glitch in their system or something. I'll call the cable company first thing tomorrow and ask them." Paige said, still not meeting Emily's eyes.

"Do you watch it?" Emily asked after a beat.

Paige looked up at the girl, surprised. "Porn? No." She replied. "Okay so I might've seen a few. But not on purpose. I don't go out of my way to look for it." She added hurriedly. "Em, come on. That was the first time I saw that channel. I swear." Paige insisted when the girl just kept staring at her.

"But you think about it. Sex." Emily clarified, her voice hoarse.

"I feel as if there's no right answer to that." Paige said warily, putting down the carton of food she was holding.

"So that's a yes then." Emily concluded, distressed.

Paige sighed. "Em..."

"If you're tired of waiting you know you can just sleep with someone else. It's not like we're exclusive or anything." Emily reminded the girl, trying to seem unaffected.

"I am fine with waiting. I don't want some other girl. I want you." Paige insisted.

"But I'm not ready." Emily confessed.

"I know that." Paige said understandingly.

"But you wished I was." Emily guessed when she recalled all the times the girl tried to move past first base.

Paige ran a hand through her hair wearily. "Okay that's another question I prefer not to answer. If I say no you'll think I don't want you. If I say yes you'll think I'm pressuring you." She pointed out. "Whatever my answer is you're going to take it the wrong way. So you tell me what you want me to say to that."

"I want you to say no." Emily answered.

"Why are you so scared to know that I want you? Most girls would be thrilled to know they're desirable." Paige said, giving the girl a puzzled look.

"I'm not like most girls, okay? If you want to have sex so much go out and sleep with someone who's easy." Emily suggested, starting to get frustrated.

"Em, why are we fighting about this?" Paige asked, confused. "I thought we talked about this last week? I am not pressuring you. I can wait."

"Well you're going to have to wait a lot longer." Emily said, getting anxious. "If you can't do that then just tell me. I can't even think about getting naked in front of you. Just the thought of undressing..."

"Em, it's not a big deal." Paige promised.

"Yes it is!" Emily exclaimed.

"Why? You don't have to prove anything to me." Paige said softly.

"Are you sure about that?" Emily asked, giving Paige a worried look. "Why do you want me?" She continued. "Why would you want me when in your eyes I'm a zero?"

Paige swallowed hard, fighting the overwhelming urge to retch when realization dawned on her. She got it wrong. Jai didn't do anything to make Emily scared. The girl didn't say Jai's name that night out of fear. She said it because Jai stopped and the girl was holding on to that memory. Emily's reluctance to go beyond kissing... was her fault.

"Remember?" Emily continued, her voice hoarse.

Paige did remember. And the thought that Emily was scared to be intimate with her now because of it made her nauseous. "It was a game." She finally uttered. "It was a horrible, mean game and I can never apologize enough for playing it." Paige said earnestly. "But you're not the only one who's scared, Em. It terrifies me to get naked in front of you too."

"It does?" Emily asked, surprised.

Paige nodded. "Yeah. I don't know what gave you the idea that I have experience. I don't. I have zero experience beyond kissing." She promised, moving to tuck a strand of hair away from the girl's eyes. "Everything we're doing, I'm doing for the first time with you. I'm scared too. But... I don't want us to pretend that we're not thinking about doing it eventually. Because I think about it. When I think about you, when I'm with you, I think about it. But admitting that doesn't mean I'm getting impatient. You were never a zero. So don't think that I want you just because I'm trying to get you to prove something to me. I don't want you to be scared by how much I want you. And I don't want you to hide the fact that you want me too. It shouldn't terrify you. I mean... you do want me, right?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yes." Emily answered, an image of a semi-naked Paige flashing in her mind. She does want the girl. And that was the reason why she was terrified. Because she wanted Paige. But she didn't know if Paige would still want her when she bares herself to the girl. A part of her still felt like she was just going to disappoint Paige right now.

"Then don't feel ashamed about it. It makes me happy to know that you want me too. Just because you admitted it doesn't mean we're going to have to start sleeping together. Okay?" Paige said, giving the girl a small smile.

"Okay." Emily repeated, smiling back.

"Now can we please have dinner?" Paige said, staring at the food on the coffee table. She reached for a packet of soy sauce and tried to open it. "Shoot." She muttered when a line of black liquid squirted from the packet onto her white shirt. She quickly put down the condiment on her plate and tried to wipe the liquid off her shirt.

"I'll get it." Emily offered when they heard a knock on the door. "Better wash that off before it stains." She told Paige as they got up at the same time. She headed for the front door to see who was outside while Paige headed for the bathroom. "Kayla." Emily uttered when she saw who it was.

"Em." Kayla said, staring at the girl. "Sorry." She finally said when she realized she was standing there like an idiot. "I was just surprised. Paige usually gets the door."

"It's fine. This is her apartment." Emily said, smiling. "You want to come in? She's in the bathroom washing off a soy sauce stain." She explained, stepping aside to let the girl in.

"Oh. Okay. Well that might take a while." Kayla guessed, choosing to stay outside. The two girls were obviously having dinner and she didn't want to intrude. "Can you just give this to her?" She asked, handing Emily a gold dangling earring. "Paige has been looking for that since Sunday. Tell her sorry it took me so long to find it but it was in my bedroom."

Emily stared at the earring in confusion and surprise but tried to keep her expression neutral when she looked at Kayla again. "Yeah. Okay." She said, closing her hand and smiling at the girl.

"Thanks. Have a good night." Kayla said before heading back to her apartment.

"Yeah. You too." Emily replied before closing the door. She walked a few steps towards the kitchen and stopped when she heard Paige's voice.

"Well it's official. My white shirt is ruined." Paige complained, emerging from her bedroom with a black shirt on and throwing the white shirt in the hamper beside the washing machine. "Who was at the door?" She asked, walking over to Emily.

"Kayla. She stopped by to give you this." Emily said, sliding the earring on the countertop towards Paige. "Said she found it in her room just now but that you've been looking for it since Sunday. Why was that in her room?" She asked, looking at the girl suspiciously.

"She was drunk and I helped her get into bed. It must've fallen off when I pulled the comforter." Paige answered, taking the earring without meeting Emily's eyes.

"We were up talking on the phone for hours and you somehow failed to tell me that you tucked her in." Emily pointed out.

"It slipped my mind." Paige lied, not knowing how to tell the girl about Kayla when they've just gotten to a good place.

"What else slipped your mind?" Emily asked, studying Paige.

"Like I said. She was drunk. Like really drunk. She didn't know what she was doing." Paige finally said, meeting the girl's eyes.

"Oh." Emily uttered, moving away from Paige.

"Em, nothing happened. Okay?" Paige insisted. "She kissed me but I pulled away the second she did. Believe me. She doesn't even remember what happened. I asked."

"You asked?" Emily repeated, feeling nauseous. "You asked because you weren't drunk so you remembered what happened but you didn't tell me. Why?"

"Because it didn't mean anything." Paige answered. "I didn't kiss her back. The thought never crossed my mind." She insisted. "Em... I don't feel anything remotely romantic for Kayla. I promise nothing is ever going to happen between us."

"Is that why you called me? Because you felt guilty?" Emily asked, feeling like the two days they've spent mending what they have was caused by Paige's guilt. "I say Jai's name by mistake and you let Kayla kiss you so now we're even?"

"No. I did not let Kayla kiss me. I didn't call you because I felt guilty after what happened. I called because I realized something." Paige hurriedly explained. "I admit that I didn't know what to do. About us. Everything was so awkward when we're alone. I can't even touch you and I knew I was starting to hurt you. So yeah. I didn't know what to do." She confessed. "I took Kayla home and she was really drunk so I helped her get to bed. While I was in her room she asked why I was distant the entire night. And I was so conflicted that I told her that you called me Jai while we were hanging out and I couldn't seem to get past it. That's why I asked if she remembered what happened. Because I know that you don't want her to know and I don't want her to know either and if she remembered I know I just screwed up." She continued. "Kayla kissed me out of the blue, I pulled away. I told her she's so drunk she didn't know what she was doing and she said that was her excuse. Then she asked what was mine."

Paige swallowed hard. "Before she passed out Kayla asked me something. She asked... she said... that if you uttered Jai's name it meant that you're probably not over her and that you probably never will be. So she asked why I still wanted to be with you. The answer to that was the reason I called. Talking to Kayla reminded me of why I'm still around. Why I wanted for things to work out between us. Why I finally tried to reach out." She explained gently. "I didn't call you because she kissed me and I felt guilty." Paige repeated, taking the girl's hand.

"I kept telling you she likes you but you wouldn't believe me." Emily reminded the girl, torn between being jealous and hurt.

"It doesn't matter. Because I love you." Paige confessed.

"What?" Emily uttered, slowly removing her hand from the girl's. "Paige... you can't." She said, feeling like she was about to faint.

Paige gave the girl a confused look. "I can't love you." She clarified, hurt. "Why and how am I supposed to do that exactly?"

Emily felt a lump form in her throat. "I'm sorry. I can't..."

"It's okay if you can't say it back. Not right now." Paige said understandingly.

Emily shook her head. "I don't want to hurt you more than I already have so I'm telling you now. I can't say it back." She confessed. "Please don't say those words again." She whispered, her hands trembling.

Paige just stood there, not knowing how to respond to the girl's words. Her mind was trying to understand but her heart couldn't come to terms with the girl's rejection of her love. It was too much. And she didn't know if she could stay.