DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters is the intellectual property of others. Some characters used in the writing of this fic belong to PLL. Events that transpire, will transpire and have transpired in this story are entirely of my own creation.
Thanks for the reviews.
CaliGrlFoLife, jhas, squidge86, bebeden12, TristenPotter, crunchy-crush, and Karla05full... thanks for the PMs.
PART THREE: " Non Progredi Est Regredi"
~ To not go forward is to go backward. ~
CHAPTER THREE
"We'll be there." Jai repeated, cradling her phone in the crook of her neck to free her hands and open another box that was sitting on the floor. "Kayla, will you relax? We're going to be there in time." She promised while glumly staring at the contents of the box. "I know because it's still early. I have a few hours left. I'm just picking up Emily from her house, then we're heading straight to you."
"Well... not exactly. I'm here at Darby so I have to go back to Rosewood first." Jai told her sister as she rubbed an eye blearily. "Because. I have to swing by the house anyway so I figured I'd give her a ride." She explained. "I'm... still figuring that one out." Jai admitted. "I know. But it's not like I have a choice. He's coming home today."
"I'm trying, Kayla." Jai answered with a sigh. "But he's not taking any of my calls. Maybe he's still at the conference. Don't worry. I'll try again later." She promised the girl. "Look, I have to go. If you want me and Em to get there on time, I need to finish unpacking first. Yeah. Yeah, I'll call you later. I'll tell her you said hello. Okay. Bye."
Jai blankly stared at the phone in her hand after the call ended, the bitter taste of having told another lie to her sister lingering in her mouth. She hated lying but she didn't have a choice this time. She didn't want Kayla to worry. Not today.
"What did you tell her?" A soft voice asked, making Jai look up.
"That I couldn't reach my dad." Jai replied before pocketing her phone. "I thought it's better than telling her that the answer is still no."
"You have to tell her sooner or later." The girl reminded Jai as she leaned against the door frame, her long, black hair cascading on her shoulder when she inclined her head.
"I know. I'll tell her tomorrow or later depending on how things go. She already has too much on her mind right now." Jai explained. "She says hello by the way." She added, managing to smile.
"I really wish I could go with you and Emily to support her." The girl admitted. "But I have babysitting duties for my brother so tell Kayla we'll catch up some other time."
"Will do." Jai promised. "Don't worry. I'm sure she'll completely understand. What time are you going to Daniel's?"
"Um, not for another hour or so." The girl answered after checking the time on her watch. "I can still help you unpack." She offered when she saw the state of their room.
Jai shook her head. "You've already done enough." She reassured the girl. "Listen. I know I said it before but... thanks. For letting me stay here. I'm sorry for the intrusion. And the clutter." Jai added, embarrassed. "I'll sort out my things before I head out. I swear I'll be the perfect guest. You won't even know I'm here."
"I doubt that. We're sharing a room." The girl reminded Jai wryly. "But Jazz, come on. You don't need to be perfect. Not around me. And I don't mind letting you stay here. I told you I could use the roommate." She added, her genuine smile showing off her perfect set of teeth.
"Thanks. Um, did you need something from me?" Jai asked, her brows creased.
"Oh. Yeah. Uh, I just got off the phone with Cesca. She said she was trying to call you earlier but your phone was busy." The girl explained, waving a cordless phone in her hand.
"What did she want?" Jai probed as she surveyed the open box in front of her.
"Just to tell you that you can borrow her car." The girl supplied. "She wants to know if you're picking it up or she's dropping it off here. Either way, she doesn't mind."
"Great. I'll call her once I'm done here." Jai said, gesturing to the clutter in the room.
"Okay. I guess I'll leave you to it, then. I'll be downstairs if you need anything." The girl offered before departing.
Left alone, Jai began taking out objects from inside the box, starting with a framed photograph of her family. Tears of remorse threatened to spill from her eyes but she held them back as she stared at the image of herself, Logan, and Kayla. The photo was taken a year after her mother died. It was a really difficult time but the three of them made it through because they had each other. She couldn't help but wish that was still the case now. And that her mom was alive.
Setting down the picture frame on the floor next to her, Jai reached inside the box for another frame, this one a photo of herself and Emily taken the night of their first Christmas together as a couple. She gently traced the outline of Emily's features and smiled wistfully at the memory before carefully setting down the photo next to the other frame.
Jai then reached for the last frame inside the box and stared at the photo of herself and Paige this time, this one taken outside her family's cabin after she and the girl carved their initials on a tree stump. It didn't seem like it because Paige's grinning face hid the sadness and loneliness the girl felt but Jai knew even then that she would do anything for her best friend to get better. Which is why I'm in this situation. Jai thought to herself as she continued staring at the photograph, their grinning faces transporting her back to a not so distant memory...
Thirteen Months Ago...
Jai stared intently at the framed photograph of herself and Paige, their young faces beaming at the camera as they stood with their arms around each other's shoulders next to the tree stump where they just carved their initials. She smiled fondly at the memory and shook her head before looking behind her.
"I didn't know you were the sentimental type when it came to us." Jai commented teasingly.
Paige stopped tying the laces of her sneakers to look up at her friend and saw what Jai was staring at. "I'm not." She countered. "I just put it on display today because I knew you were coming over. I wanted to make you feel like you've been terribly missed." Paige explained offhandedly while tying her shoelaces again.
Jai returned her attention to the study table and picked up the framed photograph, studying it carefully before cracking another smile. "Really. So how come it's gathered dust?" She asked, amused.
Paige rolled her eyes when she heard the cockiness in the girl's voice. "No it hasn't. Gwen just cleaned my room this morning." She argued. "Now put that photo down and stop teasing me or I won't go to the dance tonight." Paige warned her friend.
"Fine. I'm setting it down." Jai acquiesced and returned the frame on the table before turning around to watch her friend. "You've changed." She observed, making Paige look at her. "I can't seem to put my finger on it but something about you is different."
"Well, is it a good change or bad change?" Paige asked, frowning.
"Good. Definitely good." Jai assured her friend. "I saw it last week at the Penn Relays and again today. You seem more... I don't know. Focused or something. Like I was looking at a different person when I was watching you run." She explained. "Are you still sore?"
Paige shook her head. "No. I'm used to competing and after the relays, it wasn't like I stopped training." She reminded the girl. "Besides. I have another meet to get ready for so I can't slack or coach will have my head on a plate."
Jai smiled at her friend. "I'm really proud of you." She said admirably.
Paige scoffed. "For what? Coming in third at the relays?" She dryly asked.
"For keeping it together despite everything that's happened." Jai replied. "Come on. It wasn't that bad." She told the girl consolingly. "Coming in third out of how many colleges is still a big deal."
"Well it would've been huge if we came in first." Paige argued.
"There's always next year." Jai reminded the girl.
"I know. It just sucks." Paige admitted. "Reese was pretty bummed about it, too."
"Reese, huh?" Jai uttered, hiding a smile. "Maybe you should've asked her to come to the dance, then. Just to take her mind off the relays of course." She hurriedly added when her friend shot her a warning look.
"She has other plans." Paige told the girl vaguely. "Which is perfect because I don't want you making all these comments when she's riding in the car with us."
"What? Hey, that's not fair!" Jai protested. "I can be on my best behavior when she's around, okay? I just like teasing you about her." She said with a grin.
"Yeah. No kidding." Paige shot back. "But I'm not taking that risk so it's just gonna be you and me riding in my car tonight." She told her friend firmly. "Speaking of. Not that I'm complaining or anything. I swear I don't mind giving you a lift. But... why won't you ask Logan to buy you your own car?" Paige asked, looking at the girl curiously.
Jai shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just don't see the need for it." She replied, walking around Paige's room. "He offered before but I said no since I can borrow one of his cars whenever I needed to. Except today." Jai added wryly. "He's using the SUV since the Aston's in the shop. Em and Spencer are at the mall getting their nails done and while I could hitch a ride with them to the nursing home, I decided to pass on the nail spa. Not really my thing." She admitted as she stopped in front of Paige's dresser. "By the way, I'm meeting Cesca for lunch next week." Jai revealed when she spotted the familiar spider monkey stuffed toy among the girl's things.
Paige looked at her friend in surprise. "What? Why?" She asked, confused.
Jai sighed. "I know. Believe me. The last thing I want is to see her again but my dad told her's about me coming back from the dead so I agreed to meet with her next week just to get it over with." She explained wryly. "I didn't even know she was back from Madrid."
"Oh. Yeah. I forgot to tell you about that." Paige said as she got up from the edge of her bed. "Although I did tell you about her coming back when I visited your grave one time so in my head I already told you about it."
Jai shook her head. "It's fine. You shouldn't have to worry about her coming back in the first place. Is she causing you trouble?" She asked, worried.
"Not really. I mean, there were one or two incidents but nothing I couldn't handle." Paige assured her friend. "I tried to steer clear after I ran into her once during Emily's swim practice."
"Okay, two things." Jai said, raising two fingers. "One, what were you doing in Em's swim practice? And two, what did Cesca say?"
Crap. Paige thought, her mind running a mile-a-minute as she struggled to come up with an answer. "Okay here's what happened." She began as she headed for her dresser to avoid Jai's gaze. "I came by to ask Emily about something. I don't remember what exactly. But while I was waiting for her, Cesca came out of the locker room, saw me, and practically blamed me for your death." She explained, recalling what happened that day but leaving out a lot of crucial parts.
Jai shook her head in disbelief. "After all this time, she still hasn't changed." She said edgily.
"Don't worry. I didn't let her get to me." Paige promised. "I know better now."
"Good. She's done enough damage as it is." Jai reminded the girl. "Ready to leave?" She asked once Paige was done tying her hair into a ponytail.
"Yeah. Let's go to that charity dance of yours." Paige beckoned before walking back to her bed to grab her jacket.
Jai headed for the bedroom door but stopped when she passed by Paige and felt the girl's hand on her shoulder. "What? You forgot something?" She asked, looking around the room.
"No." Paige replied. "I just... Cesca. Whatever she says, don't believe her." She said, the urgency in her voice gone unnoticed by her friend.
"Don't worry. I don't plan to." Jai told the girl reassuringly.
A couple of hours later, Paige found herself surrounded by several dancing pairs as she manned the refreshments table at the nursing home. The beat of the song playing over the loudspeakers was relatively fast and out of the corner of her eye, Paige spotted Spencer shimmying on the dance floor with an old man who moved like his bones weren't brittle much to the girl's amusement. Just then, the two couples dancing directly in front of her moved in opposite directions and Paige caught a glimpse of Emily's beaming smile again. She stood there, seemingly mesmerized by the sight, until Jai's grinning face came into view as well and she hurriedly looked away before her best friend could catch her staring. She really should've just stayed home tonight instead of agreeing to go with Jai but her desire to see Emily despite what happened between them at the cabin got the best of her.
Paige felt like the universe listened to her for once when the song finally came to an end but her relief was short lived. Because that meant thirsty guests and she saw Jai leading Emily towards her. Paige managed to give her friend a weak smile as she watched Jai reach for a plastic cup filled with cranberry juice and hand it to Emily before taking one for herself.
"You look like you're having fun." Jai quipped when she was done rehydrating.
"Oh yeah. Loads." Paige answered emphatically as she tried to ignore the gorgeous, slightly out of breath girl standing next to her friend. "You know, just to be clear, when I agreed to go with you to this dance it wasn't so I could serve everyone cranberry juice all night." She complained. "Why do you get to be on the first aid team and I end up serving drinks all by myself? Even the guys serving food have it better. At least when one of them takes a break all of you still get to eat." Paige lamented, nodding her head toward the two guys manning the table next to her. "This isn't fair."
Jai gave her friend a sympathetic look. "Sorry. The Davis twins were supposed to serve the drinks tonight but they had to back out at the last minute." She explained apologetically. "Although when Neil asked earlier you could've declined." She reminded the girl gently.
Paige rolled her eyes. "Easy for you to say. You weren't there, Jai. He asked me in front of a group of old people. How was I supposed to say no when they were all looking at me with such eager, hopeful eyes? It's not funny!" She exclaimed when the girl laughed.
"I know. Sorry." Jai repeated, trying to control her laughter. Just then, another song came on the speakers and her eyes lit up. "Hey. I have an idea. Since you two aren't jumping on each other's throat nowadays maybe you two could dance. You and Emily." She added as she glanced at the girl standing next to her who almost choked on her drink. "Come on. Take my place. I need to go to the bathroom anyway. Then when I get back I'll cover the refreshments table for you for a while so you can mingle." Jai offered her friend. "You okay with that, Em?"
"Oh. Um. I was planning to take a break actually." Emily answered without meeting Paige's eyes. She knew she owed the girl an apology for what she said at the cabin but she didn't know how and where to start so she was trying to avoid being alone with Jai's best friend as much as possible. "My feet are kinda tired from all that dancing."
"And I'm getting used to being a wallflower anyway. I'm good right here." Paige said, trying to seem unaffected as she handed two plastic cups to an old couple with a smile.
Jai looked at Emily and Paige for a few more seconds then shrugged. "Okay. Suit yourselves. I'll be back soon." She told them before making her way to the bathroom, leaving the two girls standing in heavy silence.
"Chairs are over there." Paige suddenly said.
"Uh... what?" Emily uttered, taken aback.
"You said your feet are tired. Chairs are over there." Paige repeated as she gestured to her right side of the room.
"Oh. Right. Thanks." Emily replied. She lingered for a couple more seconds before turning to head to the direction Paige pointed but she changed her mind at the last second. "I'm sorry." She uttered, surprising the girl.
"For what?" Paige asked, her eyes on the dance floor.
"You know for what." Emily answered.
Paige tore her gaze away from the crowd and looked at the girl. "No. I don't." She said, her tone neutral.
Emily sighed. "Okay. I guess you're not going to make this easy for me." She lamented. "I'm sorry. For blaming everything on you." Emily told Paige sincerely. "I shouldn't have said those things to you back at the cabin."
"Yeah. Since last time I checked every time I kissed you, you kissed me back." Paige reminded the girl. "This isn't one-sided, Em. Jai was dead to us for a year. We-"
"Paige, please." Emily interjected. "Stop saying we were moving on. It doesn't lessen the guilt I feel now that Jai's back." She confessed. "I'm just... really confused right now. I know that's no excuse." Emily hurriedly added. "And I'm not asking you to forgive me. Or to understand. I just want to say I'm sorry. You deserve better."
"I'm not going to lie and say that it didn't hurt." Paige admitted. "I'm not going to pretend that I understand exactly what you're going through. But I know how you feel." She continued. "Talking to Jai. Spending time with her. I realized you were right. We can't tell her. Not yet. Not when she seems so vulnerable. So don't worry. I won't say anything to her." Paige reassured the girl.
"Thank you." Emily uttered in relief just as another song came on the speakers, making her smile. "I love this song." She commented, more to herself, but Jai's best friend heard her.
"One dance?" Paige suggested as she extended a hand toward the girl.
It only took a second for Emily to decide whether or not to accept Paige's invitation and the smile on her lips mirrored the girl's as Paige led the way to the dance floor. Emily's heartbeat began to speed up when it finally registered to her that she was holding the girl's hand, more so when they were finally standing face to face.
Jai told us to dance. Paige reminded herself as they began to sway in time to the music, the slow beat making them stand so close to each other that she could see the tiny beads of sweat lining Emily's forehead and she stopped herself from reaching out to wipe them.
We're not doing anything wrong. Emily firmly told herself but she found her eyes drifting to Paige's lips so she quickly looked up, only to catch the girl staring at her lips as well which made her heart beat even faster.
"Ow!" Emily suddenly exclaimed when Paige's foot stepped on hers. She took a step back and winced in pain, breaking the intimate moment between them.
Paige cringed. "Sorry! Are you okay?" She asked worriedly.
"Yeah. I'm fine." Emily replied.
"What's so funny?" Paige asked when the girl suddenly laughed.
"Oh nothing." Emily answered, shaking her head. "I just can't believe we lasted in that dance-a-thon with your two left feet." She quipped. "It's a miracle, really."
"Hey!" Paige exclaimed indignantly. "We were killing it."
"More like murdering the dance steps." Emily shot back. "Good thing you decided to concede before we embarrassed ourselves more than we already have."
"I only did that because you weren't feeling well that day." Paige reminded the girl. "That dance-a-thon had our names written all over it." She stated confidently. "But your face was all red and you wouldn't let me check your temperature so I decided to concede instead. I was really worried but you wouldn't tell me what was wrong."
"Because there's nothing to tell. I wasn't sick that day." Emily confessed.
"Really. Then why was your face all red?" Paige asked skeptically. "What? Were you blushing or something?" She quipped but immediately felt like a light turned on inside her head when Emily looked away. "You were blushing." Paige repeated, heart in her mouth when she realized that the girl has liked her that long.
Emily's breath hitched when Paige's hand touched hers and she suddenly felt warm all over when the girl began to caress her skin. Affected, she looked away but her blood immediately ran cold when she saw Jai standing across the room. Before the girl could see them, Emily pulled her hand away from Paige's and swallowed hard when Jai finally spotted them. She wracked her brain for an explanation as the girl walked closer to them but she kept drawing a blank.
"I can explain." Emily blurted out even if she still hasn't come up with an excuse when Jai was standing in front of them.
"What happened to wanting to take a break?" Jai asked, smiling at the two girls in amusement. Without waiting for a reply, she extended a hand toward Emily and looked at her friend. "May I cut in?"
Paige nodded. "Yeah." She answered reluctantly as she stepped aside. "The song's about to end anyway so I'm probably needed back at the refreshments table."
The horrible guilt Paige felt for wanting Emily came rushing back to her as she stood in front of the two girls, making her feel ashamed so she turned her back to leave without waiting for them to say anything else. She was almost at the edge of the dance floor when she felt the urge to watch Emily so she looked behind her and found the girl staring at her. Paige held Emily's gaze for a few seconds until her friend whispered something in the girl's ear which made Emily focus on Jai instead. Unable to bear the small display of intimacy between the two girls, Paige looked away and returned to her place behind the refreshments table, her mind finally made up.
Armed with a bottle of water in one hand and a half-eaten apple in the other, Reese walked down another row of tables in the Lippincott Library on Monday afternoon searching for a particular brown-haired girl. Her face lit up when she finally spotted Paige hunched over some books at the farthest table and she quickly made her way toward the girl, careful not to hit any heads along the way.
"Is this seat taken?" Reese asked before pulling a chair next to the girl and sitting down without waiting for a reply.
Paige stopped taking down notes and looked at her friend. "It is now." She answered wryly. "Seriously? You brought food? You do know eating isn't allowed inside the library." She told the girl pointedly when she saw the apple and bottle of water.
"What's up?" Reese inquired, dismissing what her friend just told her and taking another bite off her lunch. "Why am I meeting you here?"
Paige rolled her eyes and decided to drop the issue. "I'm cramming for an exam tonight and I need your help." She explained, pointing to the pile of books in front of them.
"I see. Well... what's in it for me?" Reese asked while pretending to think it over.
"If you do this, you've met your good deed quota for the day." Paige answered matter-of-factly. "And that's a first."
Reese bit back her laughter and gestured for the girl to hand over her notes. She scanned the pages for a few seconds with her free hand then frowned. "Why aren't you studying with Fields? You two are in the same class, right?" She asked, looking at her friend. "She could probably help you study more than I could."
"Probably." Paige repeated. "But in case you forgot, things between us aren't exactly simple right now." She reminded the girl.
"Right." Reese uttered, nodding her head thoughtfully. "So. How'd the dance go?"
Paige shrugged. "Okay." She answered offhandedly but the girl's question made her recall what happened last weekend and she remembered something. "Hey. Can I still take that spot at the WTS training? It took me some time to convince my dad to let me go but he's onboard."
Reese's eyes widened. "Are you serious?" She asked, her tone almost disbelieving. "Absolutely!" She exclaimed when the girl nodded. "Yes! Finally! This is going to be an awesome summer!"
"Lower your voice!" Paige reprimanded her friend when she noticed a few students looking at them but couldn't resist returning the girl's smile. "Thanks again for saving that spot. I'll pay you back." She promised before going back to what she was reading.
Reese sat in silence while scanning the girl's notes but once a while, she kept glancing at her friend thoughtfully. "Not that I'm doubting your sudden decision to go to Spain or anything but... did something happen to make you change your mind?" She finally asked.
"Nope." Paige answered without looking at the girl.
"Are you sure?" Reese prodded. "Because if something did, you know you can tell me. Right?"
"Right. But nothing happened. So there's nothing to tell." Paige insisted. "I still have a lot of reading to do so if you're just going to bug me about Emily and Jai I'd rather study by myself." She told the girl edgily before Reese could ask more questions.
"Okaaay. I can take a hint. You don't want to talk about it." Reese said, raising her hands in mock surrender. "Sorry."
Paige sighed. "It's not that I don't want to. I just don't want to talk about it now." She clarified. "I have an exam in less than... five hours." Paige reminded her friend when she saw the time. "I can't be distracted."
"Got it. Sorry for being pushy." Reese told the girl apologetically. "I guess we better get started then so we can leave this place. It's so quiet here I can actually hear myself think." She whispered conspiratorially before shivering for effect.
Jai pulled open the door to Honey's, a diner twenty minutes outside of campus, and stopped just a couple of steps by the entrance to look at the patrons this Monday afternoon. It's been years since she last saw Cesca so she vaguely remembered what the girl looked like but apparently, her former friend still recognized her because Cesca stood up and waved her over. Eager for the meeting to be over, Jai purposefully made her way to the corner booth by the window and just stood in front of the girl when she got there to make it clear that she has no plans to stick around.
"Francesca." Jai uttered, her tone curt. "Why did you want to meet?"
Cesca wordlessly took in her friend's appearance as the girl stood in front of her and tried her best not to cringe when Jai called her by her first name. It's been years since she last saw her friend and she regretted parting on bad terms with the girl so now that Jai's back, she felt like she was being given a chance to fix things between them. She wasn't going to blow it.
"I heard the news from my dad but I couldn't bring myself to call you up until last week." Cesca confessed as she nervously played with the ball of tissue in her hand again. "I had to see it for myself."
"Well now that you have, we can go on with our lives." Jai stated coldly and turned her back to leave.
"Don't go. Please." Cesca begged, quickly getting up. "Jazz, please. Stay."
Jai heard the desperation in Cesca's voice and for a split second, felt like she was talking to her old friend again so she turned around and reluctantly took a seat across the girl just as a waitress walked over and deposited between them a plate of Tuna Melt sandwich that was cut in half, Hushpuppies, and two glasses of Orange Juice.
"Do you remember this place?" Cesca asked reminiscently. "Our parents used to drive us here every Friday afternoon when we were kids and we always ordered the same thing."
"Tuna Melt split in half, Hushpuppies, and Orange Juice." Jai listed, looking at the food in front of them indifferently.
"I know you won't believe me when I say this but... when you died... when I heard about what happened... I was devastated. Not being able to go to your funeral because I was thousands of miles away didn't help." Cesca confessed while toying with the straw of her drink. "I felt like I lost a sister that day. I regretted not having reconciled with you and leaving things the way they were between us. I still do."
"What happened was your fault." Jai reminded the girl.
"No. We were the best of friends, Jazz. Then Paige came into the picture and ruined everything. It's her fault." Cesca told the girl edgily.
"I knew agreeing to meet with you was a mistake!" Jai snapped, getting up with her hands balled tightly into fists. "I'm leaving."
"Why are you so blinded when it comes to her?!" Cesca exclaimed. "I thought I'd reach out to you because coming back and finding out about her and Emily couldn't have been easy. I thought you could use a friend. But I guess you don't have a problem with it."
"What the hell are you talking about?" Jai asked, squinting at the girl suspiciously.
Cesca studied Jai's reaction and realization dawned on her. "You don't know." She stated, genuinely surprised. "Of course you don't know. I've seen them around campus, Jazz. Together." Cesca added emphatically.
Jai scoffed. "Seriously? We went to the same school. We live in the same neighborhood. They've known each other for years. It's natural." She pointed out. "What you're suggesting isn't even possible because they could barely stand each other. And even if they did get along, they wouldn't do that to me."
"Really? That's weird. Because from where I was standing it seemed like they were seeing each other romantically." Cesca argued.
Jai glared at the girl disbelievingly. "After all these years you still haven't changed. You're still the same jealous person who's out to ruin my friendship with Paige." She said, barely able to hide her anger.
"I'm telling the truth." Cesca insisted. "Jazz, why would I-"
"Shut up." Jai interrupted ominously. "I'm done with you." She told the girl before walking away.
"...and then I just left." Jai recounted later that night as she and Paige sat in the girl's living room. "I mean, it was bad enough that she still blames you for the demise of our friendship but to actually suggest something that's completely ridiculous? That's low."
Paige managed to keep her expression neutral the entire time Jai was telling her about everything that happened with Cesca earlier that day and even steeled herself for a confrontation but it never came. "I'm sorry." She finally said when she recovered from her relief long enough to hear the dismay in her friend's voice.
"Don't be. It was a complete waste of my time. I shouldn't have agreed to meet with her. I guess she'll never change." Jai lamented.
The disappointment in her friend's voice made Paige feel guiltier than she already is. She of all people knew how close the two girls were before she came into the picture so she understood why Jai was upset. Even if the girl told her she didn't want to see Cesca again, her friend has always tried to see the best in people so a part of Jai hoped Cesca has changed. Paige knew it was selfish of her to feel relieved that Jai didn't listen to a word Cesca said but she and Emily agreed not to say anything for now. Although what Cesca did made things even worse. Now the longer she and Emily keep the truth from Jai, the more it will hurt and the angrier she'll be. Especially when Jai realizes that what Cesca told her was true and she chose to keep mum even when her friend gave her an opportunity to come clean. Paige groaned inwardly. Even if Cesca didn't know the entire story, the girl managed to make a mess out of everything again.
"Where's Kayla?" Paige suddenly asked to change the subject. "What's taking her so long?"
"She was about to take a shower when I checked on her earlier. She's probably just dressing up." Jai replied. "I'm glad we're having dinner tonight. I really need this after that horrible lunch with Cesca. You know, she even-"
Paige uttered a silent prayer of thanks when the doorbell rang, interrupting their conversation. "That's probably the pizzas." She said, moving to get up but her friend was quicker.
"Could be Kayla. I'll go get it." Jai volunteered. "But just in case it is dinner, I'll pay for it." She offered, grabbing her wallet from inside her bag before answering the door.
Paige watched as her friend made her way toward the door but her gaze lingered by the kitchen when Jai walked past it. She couldn't help herself. She knew it was risky especially after what her friend told her but Emily Fields was in her apartment again and the sight of the girl was something she missed having around. Paige glanced at the front door when she heard Jai open it just to make sure that her friend's back was turned to her before looking at Emily again, only to be caught off-guard when she found the girl's eyes on her while Emily kept talking to someone over her phone. Before she could smile at the girl though, Emily turned her back so she was facing the kitchen sink instead to Paige's disappointment. She watched the girl for a few more seconds before looking away and decided to keep herself preoccupied by clearing the coffee table for when their food arrives.
"Guess what? Turns out it's Kayla and our pizzas." Jai said as she headed back with her sister in tow. "Finally we can have dinner." She declared before depositing two large boxes on the kitchen's island countertop.
Kayla made a beeline for Paige after waving at Emily and greeted the girl before helping clear the coffee table just as Emily pocketed her phone and walked over to Jai's side.
"So? What did Pam want?" Jai asked as she checked the boxes and set one aside.
"Nothing important. She was just checking up on me." Emily answered while watching the girl transfer pineapples on the other half of the Hawaiian pizza with a fork. "And she couldn't wait to tell me that she bought this grandfather clock at a flea market that looked exactly like the one they had in their house growing up. She's having it delivered this weekend so she wants me to come home. I said I'll try since I have to study for three exams." She continued as she reached for another fork and returned some of the pineapples absentmindedly to the other half of the pizza.
"What are you doing?" Jai asked, looking at the girl in confusion. "I just removed those from your side. Why are you returning them? You like pineapples now?"
Emily shook her head. "No. But aren't we splitting this pizza three ways since Kayla doesn't like Hawaiian?" She reminded Jai. "And I'm the only one who doesn't like pineapples so I'm transferring some to Paige's side. I had no idea she loves them."
"Yeah. Me neither." Jai said, smiling at Emily in amusement. "Because she doesn't."
"What?" Emily uttered then stopped what she was doing.
"My best friend hates pineapples, Em. With a passion." Jai emphasized. "That's why she doesn't eat Hawaiian pizza. Ever."
"Ever?" Emily repeated, glancing at Paige. Why would she lie? It doesn't make sense.
"Ever." Jai affirmed. "What gave you the impression that she does?"
"Um, I thought I saw her eat one at the school fair last year." Emily answered vaguely, surprised that her brain managed to come up with an explanation despite trying to process what the girl just told her.
"Must've been bell peppers or something because Paige would never touch those. Not even if her life depended on it." Jai added matter-of-factly. "She isn't touching this pizza."
"Hey, we're starving here!" Kayla called out, interrupting the conversation.
"We're coming, we're coming." Jai said as she handed Emily a box then carried one herself.
Emily tried to catch Paige's attention when the girl walked past her to get some drinks from the fridge but Jai's best friend didn't look her way. Deciding now's not a good time to confront the girl, Emily just followed Jai to the living room and sat next to the girl after she placed the box of pizza she was carrying on the coffee table.
"Move over." Paige ordered Kayla when she was back so she could sit next to Jai's sister. She set their drinks on the table and looked around her, trying to decide on something. "So I have an announcement to make." Paige finally said. "I already told Jai about this actually but it wasn't until today that it became final."
"You're going?" Jai asked excitedly.
"Yeah. I'm going to Spain this summer to train for a shot at the World Triathlon Series next year." Paige revealed, looking anywhere but at Emily even if she knew she was really telling the girl about her plans.
"Congratulations. You finally made a decision." Jai said, smiling at her friend.
"That's so awesome, Paige. Congratulations." Kayla echoed as she leaned over to give the girl a quick hug.
Surprised, Emily just sat in silence the entire time Paige was telling them about her plans for the summer but she finally snapped out of it when Jai elbowed her gently. "Congratulations." She managed to say. "That's good news. Really."
"Thanks." Paige uttered, meeting the girl's eyes briefly.
"Great!" Kayla exclaimed, clapping her hands once. "Paige, we love you and we want to know more about this summer training of yours but maybe we can do that over dinner?" She suggested as she reached for a slice of Garden pizza without waiting for an answer.
"I second that." Jai answered and dug in with everyone else.
Emily emerged from her Introduction to Operations and Information Management class on Tuesday morning, about to head to the bus stop to catch a ride back to Harrison for her shift at Café Prima when she spotted Paige walking just a few steps ahead of her. It didn't take her long to decide on whether or not she should catch up to the girl because she never got the chance to talk to Jai's best friend after dinner last night.
"Hey." Emily uttered as she fixed the strap of her bag over her shoulder. When the girl didn't seem to hear her, she quickened her pace while deftly avoiding the students walking around them. "Paige!" She called out, louder this time, and tapped the girl on the shoulder. "Wait up."
Paige stopped in her tracks and braced herself as she turned around reluctantly. "Hey." She uttered in greeting. "What do you want?"
"Can we talk?" Emily asked in reply and nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear as she waited for Paige to say yes but the girl just stood there waiting so she continued. "About that training in Spain. When did you tell Jai about it?"
Paige shrugged. "Probably a few weeks back. And no. It's not something that just came up. Reese told me about the training a couple of months ago." She admitted without looking at the girl.
"Two months?" Emily repeated, hurt. "If that's the case then why didn't you tell me anything about it?"
"It slipped my mind." Paige lied.
"Really. Something as important as that? I don't think so. Try again." Emily told the girl and when Paige didn't say anything, she decided to play on a hunch. "It's because you weren't planning on going, isn't it? Because you didn't want to leave me after I had that anxiety attack."
"Can you blame me?" Paige asked, finally meeting Emily's eyes. "For choosing to stay then and wanting to go now?"
"No. But you shouldn't have to make that sacrifice either back then. You knew I would ask you to go that's why you didn't tell me." Emily pointed out. "What made you change your mind?"
"You." Paige answered like it was the most obvious thing. "It was a no-brainer back then, Emily. Having to choose between you and that training was easy. You don't want to admit it but you needed me around. Unlike now..." She trailed off, looking away. "Jai's back. The real thing. So I can leave for Spain."
"You still consider yourself her substitute when it comes to me." Emily said, the frustration evident in her voice. "Is that why you pretended to like pineapples all this time? Because Jai always ate them so you decided to do the same? You lied to me!" She told the girl accusingly. "The whole time we were together, you lied."
"I didn't lie. I was trying to be Jai for you." Paige explained, her tone defensive. "Because she's what you wanted, right? Someone like her."
Emily shook her head firmly. "I thought we already talked about this? No, I didn't want someone like Jai. I wanted you." She corrected the girl.
"Wanted." Paige repeated, miserable. "Well you've got a really funny way of showing it. I tried to be myself but it wasn't good enough. You only notice me when I do something that Jai used to do for you. Or something close to it."
"That's not true. You're not good at hiding who you are, Paige. You think you are but you're not." Emily insisted. "I saw you for you. But now I don't know if I should be mad or touched that you pretended all this time." She confessed.
"I guess you've got an entire summer to figure it out then." Paige reminded Emily. "You wanted space? You said you needed time? This is me giving you both." She told the girl before walking away, leaving a distressed Emily behind.
Jai hurriedly walked down Walnut Street later that evening with a small box in her hand as she made her way to Logan's car that was parked near the corner of 37th street. She was about to get inside the vehicle to drive back to Penn State Gen when she spotted a familiar lone figure exit Pottruck Center so she closed the door and quickly made her way toward the building instead.
"Em!" Jai called out as she quickened her pace to close the distance between them. "Em." She repeated when she was near enough but Emily still didn't hear her so she extended her arm to touch the girl.
Emily jumped when she felt someone's hand on her shoulder but she visibly relaxed when she turned around and saw who it was. "Jai. Hey." She uttered in greeting and gave the girl a strained smile.
"What's going on?" Jai asked, frowning. "You're awfully jumpy and I called out to you twice but you didn't seem to hear me. Everything okay?"
"Yeah. Sorry. I was just distracted." Emily answered vaguely and decided to change the subject before the girl could ask more questions. "What are you doing here?"
Jai showed Emily the box she was holding. "Picked up these UPenn cufflinks for my dad at the Penn bookstore. He's having dinner tomorrow night with potential donors for the foundation so he wants to make a good impression." She explained. "Wait. You came from practice this late?" She asked, checking the time on her watch. "Isn't swim season supposed to be over?"
Emily nodded. "It is. I just wanted to swim a few laps before starting on my term paper." She lied as she toyed with the strap of her duffel bag.
"Okay, now I'm worried." Jai said, frowning again. "We've known each other for years, Em. You only swim this late when something's bothering you. Please tell me what's wrong."
"It's nothing." Emily insisted.
"You've also never lied to me." Jai reminded the girl, moving closer and caressing the side of Emily's face before tucking a damp strand of hair away from the girl's eyes.
Affected yet guilt-ridden, Emily shook her head and took a small step back. "You're wrong. I've been lying to you lately and I can't do it anymore." She confessed.
"What do you mean?" Jai asked, her grip tightening on the box she was holding. "You're scaring me. Em-"
"Ask me again." Emily blurted out before she changed her mind. "That question. At the cabin. Ask me again."
"Don't." Jai uttered, shaking her head firmly. She didn't want to hear it.
"Please." Emily begged. "Ask me."
Jai took in the girl's features and swallowed hard before forcing herself to ask that dreaded question again. "Was there someone else? When you thought I died. Was there someone else?" She repeated, her voice hoarse.
"Yes." Emily answered emotionally. "There was."
Even if Jai already knew the girl's answer this time, hearing Emily say those words still took her by surprise. She watched as the girl ran a hand through her damp hair and felt like an idiot for thinking that someone as beautiful and amazing as Emily would stay single for long. She had no one to blame but herself for expecting that she could just resume things with the girl when she came back but on the other hand, no one could blame her for hoping. After all, they've been together for three years.
"Say something." Emily pleaded, breaking Jai out of her stupor.
"Why didn't you say yes the first time I asked? Why did you lie?" Jai asked dejectedly.
"I was scared." Emily admitted. "And you were just easing back into your old life. I didn't know how to tell you."
"Who is she? Is it serious?" Jai asked, unable to stop herself from finding out everything she can about Emily's mysterious girl. "When did it start? Are you still seeing her?"
"Jai, please. Don't make me answer those questions. Not right now." Emily begged.
Jai saw the guilt written all over the girl's face and her heart began pounding so hard she could actually feel it beating against her chest. "Because it's Paige, isn't it?" She heard herself say, the words leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. This isn't happening.
Emily couldn't hide her surprise and guilt even if she tried and she grasped for something to say that could soften the blow. "I'm so sorry." She finally said, knowing it wasn't much but she meant those words now more than ever.
"Cesca was right." Jai muttered to herself before looking at the girl. "What happens now?"
"I don't know." Emily answered helplessly.
Jai nodded her head in understanding but she didn't like the girl's answer one bit because of its implications. She looked at the darkness around them and wished it would swallow her right now. "I think I'm gonna go." Jai stated, deciding to leave before she said something she would regret.
"Don't." Emily pleaded. "Don't go. Please. Talk to me."
"Honestly, Em, you don't want to hear what I have to say right now." Jai told the girl before breaking into a run to put some distance between them.
When she finally got to the car, Jai slammed the door once she was inside to channel her anger. She saw Emily watching her from a distance and while a part of her wanted to go back to the girl, the mental image of her best friend and Emily together left her feeling betrayed. Without another glance, Jai started the car and peeled out of the parking spot, speeding past Emily with her eyes on the road.
Paige turned off her car's engine once she was parked in front of the Hayes' house on Saturday morning and hoped that her best friend was already awake so she could finish her run before her dad had to leave for California again. She jogged up the steps toward the front door and rang the doorbell once just to announce her presence before pushing the door open and stepping inside. Paige looked around while her ears strained to listen for any sign that someone was already up at this hour since the front door wasn't locked and when she didn't see or hear any movement, she began to make her way up the stairs instead. She slowly walked down the carpeted hallway until she reached her friend's bedroom but instead of knocking, Paige just stood in front of it as she recalled the last time she was there.
"What's with the tiptoeing?" Jai's voice behind her asked, startling Paige and she quickly turned around with her hand on her chest.
"Jeez, Jai. You scared me." Paige reprimanded her friend. "What happened to you?" She asked when she finally had a chance to study the girl and saw Jai's disheveled state.
"I'm doing some general cleaning since my room hasn't been touched after I died." Jai explained offhandedly. "I've been putting off cleaning my room so I've been sleeping in Kayla's ever since I got back. But I've procrastinated long enough. I'm taking back what's mine." She told Paige meaningfully but the girl didn't seem to get it.
"That's good." Paige said, nodding her head in agreement. "Kayla told me Logan wanted to keep your room the way you left it so no one was allowed to go inside. Not even her." She added. "But why are you cleaning your room this early? It's not even five yet."
Jai wordlessly stared at Paige, unable to believe her so-called friend could stand there like nothing was wrong. "I needed the distraction." She finally replied. "What do you want?" She asked before walking past the girl to enter her room.
Paige followed her friend inside but stopped in her tracks when she saw the room, suddenly feeling like she was transported back in time. "I'm going for a run but I left my earphones back in UPenn so I was wondering if I could borrow yours." She explained while looking around the room. "Wow. Your bedroom is exactly the way I left it when I went here to get Emily's birthday gift."
"At least there's one thing that stayed the same." Jai commented, trying to keep the anger out of her voice. She walked over to her drawer to get her earphones and handed it to the girl without saying anything.
"Thanks. I'll return it on Monday." Paige promised as she pocketed the earphones. She was about to head out to go for her run but thought about something else at the last second. "Do you want some help?" She asked, watching her friend go through a drawer in her study table. "I can stay for an hour or so."
Jai merely shrugged and continued sifting through some papers without looking at the girl so Paige decided to walk over to the table and study the papers scattered on top of it. She scanned the contents of each paper before throwing it in the trashcan next to the table and for a few minutes, the only noise heard in the room was the sound of papers being crumpled and things being moved. When Paige got to a piece of paper with the King's College header, she stopped and looked at Jai.
"Do you want to keep this?" Paige asked, showing the piece of paper she was holding. "It's from King's College."
"Throw it." Jai instructed without so much as a glance. "Going there was a mistake."
Paige's brows creased. "What's up with you? You seem to be in a foul mood." She observed. "Did something happen with Emily?" Paige asked on a hunch, not knowing she hit a nerve.
Jai stopped what she was doing and looked at the girl. "I don't know. Maybe you could answer that question for me." She replied, her tone hard.
Paige frowned. "I have no idea. That's why I'm asking you." She pointed out.
"And I'm asking you. Did something happen with Emily?" Jai asked in a tone that made Paige's blood run cold.
She knows. Paige thought, her mind racing. "How did you find out?" She asked hoarsely. "Did Emily tell you?"
"No. Cesca did. Remember?" Jai shot back. "Emily's silence just confirmed it. And I feel such an idiot now for defending you." She continued, barely able to hide her anger. "I told you everything she said and you just sat there pretending it was all a lie. Why didn't you say anything?!"
"I didn't know where to start!" Paige confessed. "It's not like I could just come right out and say, hey Jai, guess what? After you died, Emily and I-"
"Don't." Jai interjected stonily.
"We started seeing each other." Paige continued.
Jai shook her head. "You know, I never thought that those scenes I saw in movies where your best friend and girlfriend hook up could actually happen to me in real life." She told the girl dejectedly.
"What do you want me to say?" Paige asked.
"Nothing." Jai answered, looking away. "Just leave."
Paige thought about insisting to stay and talk about it but she understood why the girl wanted her to go so she moved to head for the door.
"Now that I know, do you regret what happened?" Jai suddenly asked, making Paige stop in her tracks. "Do you?"
Paige stared at her friend, not knowing what to say. She didn't expect Jai to ask her that question and now that she was standing in front of the girl, she realized that their friendship could end right there and then depending on her answer.
Am I really willing to risk our friendship for something that wasn't certain at this point?
Before Paige could answer, the heavy silence in the room was suddenly broken when Jai's phone rang and the two girls looked toward the sound...
Present Day...
Jai started when she heard her phone ring again and she quickly reached for it inside the back pocket of her denim cutoffs. She took one look at the screen then pressed the answer button when she saw who was calling.
"Hey." Jai uttered in greeting, listening to the other person on the line before speaking again. "Yeah. She just told me. And I was going to call you after I'm done here." She replied before checking the time on her watch. "No. You don't have to go to the trouble. It's fine. Um... give me two hours and then I'll come over. I just need to freshen up first after unpacking." Jai explained. "Well, it's going." She said as she looked around the cluttered room. "Nothing at the moment but thanks for offering. Yeah. I'll see you later, Cesca."
Jai waited until the girl ended the call before pocketing her phone again while her gaze lingered on the photo of her and Paige. She stared at their grinning faces for a few more seconds before looking away and resumed unpacking the rest of her things in the room she's sharing with Ria now.