DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters is the intellectual property of others. Some characters used in the writing of this fic belong to PLL. Events that transpire, will transpire and have transpired in this story are entirely of my own creation.
Thanks for the reviews and the PMs. Shoutout to Helene for being my beta. Thanks for all the help. And to my girlfriend, EyeOpener16, thank you for always supporting me.
PART THREE: "Non Progredi Est Regredi"
~ To not go forward is to go backward. ~
CHAPTER SIX
Present Day
"I still can't believe you're on a first name basis with my dad." Paige commented, giving her friend an amused glance as they emerged from her house with a luggage in tow. "That's really something."
Reese shrugged. "What can I say? Parents just love me." She replied. "Though I have to admit, I had an unfair advantage. People say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, I say it's through passion for all things golf." Reese stated matter-of-factly.
Paige stared at her friend in mock horror. "You know, up until the moment I saw you two having a conversation about golf at the hospital, an animated one at that, I didn't know you had a boring side. To think I actually thought you were cool." She said, shaking her head in disappointment.
"Hey! Golf is cool!" Reese insisted. "Not many people appreciate it because it's challenging but if you do, it just means you're classy, sophisticated-"
"Old and boring." Paige finished, making the girl frown.
"Whatever. Need I remind you that I'm your ride to the airport today because you crashed your SUV?" Reese pointed out just as they reached the end of the driveway and stopped in front of her car. "So unless you want me to leave you by the side of the road, I'd play nice." She warned her friend.
Paige rolled her eyes. "You're so enjoying bossing me around, aren't you?" She asked, annoyed.
"A little bit. Yeah." Reese answered with a laugh. "Pop the trunk open will you so I can put that inside." She said, gesturing to the luggage the girl was holding.
"Sure. Hand me the keys." Paige replied as she held out her hand to her friend.
Reese's jaw dropped. "It's not with me." She told the girl before searching her pockets for her car keys.
"Well it's not with me either." Paige argued.
"What? But you're the last person to use it." Reese pointed out. "I came out of the shower in a towel, you freaked out, then you said you were going to load your bags in my car." She reminded the girl. "Wait. That was like, fifteen minutes ago. How many bags do you have anyway?"
"Just this luggage and a backpack." Paige answered. "I got sidetracked by my dad. I wasn't able to load it earlier." She explained sheepishly.
Reese sighed. "I guess I better get it from the vestibule since they're my keys." She said, rolling her eyes at her friend before leaving.
"Thank you!" Paige called out and laughed when the girl waved at her dismissively without looking back.
Left alone, Paige decided to preoccupy herself by checking her phone for messages when the sound of a car engine made her look up and turn around to face the street. The sight of the bright red car immediately made the girl tense up when she recognized the make. It wasn't too long ago that she spotted the same car round the corner approaching her house and she steeled herself for another confrontation.
Seven Months Ago...
Paige was about to head back inside the house after taking out the trash on a Saturday morning when the sound of a car engine made her look up and she spotted a bright red car round the corner down the street. She squinted when she noticed that the car was slowing down as it got closer to her house until finally it stopped in front of the driveway, so she just stood there, waiting to see who it was. Paige managed to keep her expression neutral despite feeling anxious and confused when she saw Cesca alight from the driver's seat.
"I think you're lost. The house you want is four streets down." Paige said before the girl could say anything.
"I'm right where I need to be. We need to talk." Cesca demanded without missing a beat.
Paige almost laughed. "Right. I doubt that." She replied, turning her back to the girl but Cesca grabbed her firmly by the arm to stop her. "Let go! How did you even find out where I live?" Paige asked in an annoyed tone.
"Logan." Cesca answered as she released her grip. "I'm not stupid, leech. I know where the Hayes live. As a matter of fact, my dad's having breakfast with Logan right now, talking business." She added flippantly. "I got bored since Jai's back in Philly with Emily so I politely asked Logan where you live. I told him I was going to hang out with you and he was more than happy to help me out." Cesca boasted.
"Well you're wasting your time. I have far better things to do than listen to your mocking." Paige snapped.
"If I wanted to mock you I could easily do that in UPenn." Cesca shot back. "I came here to knock some sense into that thick skull of yours. Why are you giving Jai the cold shoulder?"
Paige scoffed. "What, she came running to you or something?" She asked, irritated.
"She didn't have to. I've known that girl for years." Cesca reminded Paige. "It was written all over her face."
"Well stay out of it. You don't even know what happened." Paige argued.
Cesca rolled her eyes. "Please. I know enough. Not everything, but enough." She insisted, arms crossed. "I know Emily chose Jai and you couldn't handle it so you're taking it out on her."
"That's not true." Paige answered but her tone lacked conviction.
"Stop punishing Jai. It's not her fault Emily chose to go back to her." Cesca pointed out. "And it's not yours either." She added, surprising the girl. "As much as it would give me satisfaction to say that it's your fault for pursuing Emily in the first place, it can't be helped. None of us thought Jai was still alive."
Paige tried to look away but Cesca wasn't done speaking her mind. "You need to be mature about this. It can't be easy for Jai to reach out to you after she found out what had happened, but she's trying to move past it because she's worried." She told the girl.
"I doubt that. Jai merely saw me as a substitute all these years." Paige said, her tone bitter. "She couldn't save her mom so she's trying to make up for it by trying to save me."
Cesca frowned. "You seriously don't believe that." She replied with a disgusted look. "How could you even entertain that idea when Jai went to extreme lengths to protect you? She even went as far as to threaten me." Cesca added emphatically.
"What? What the hell are you talking about?" Paige asked, confused.
"I guess there's no use keeping this from you anymore. Not that it matters anyway but I was there. The day you were rushed to the hospital." Cesca revealed.
"You're lying." Paige said accusingly but the girl's gaze was unwavering. "Then how come I didn't know about it?" She challenged, her heart rate slightly increasing. This was it. The secret Cesca alluded to before that Jai has kept from her all these years.
"Because she told us not to breathe a word to anyone." Cesca replied. "She wanted to be strong for you. But she was a kid. We were all kids. I guess threatening me was her way of protecting you. You didn't see her fall apart when you were unconscious on that bathroom floor. But I did. I saw how terrified Jai was. She was terrified to lose you. Not her mom. You. And now what, just because you're hurt that her girlfriend chose to stay with her you don't want to be friends with her anymore? You're really something."
"It's not like that." Paige protested feebly.
"Yes, it is. You're angry that Emily didn't choose you." Cesca stated, the girl saying out loud the words Paige couldn't admit to herself.
"So what if I am?" Paige asked defiantly. "Stop making me feel guilty!"
"I'm not. You're the one who said it." Cesca shot back. "Don't take it out on Jai. It wasn't her fault Emily chose her. Emily made the decision. Stop acting out when things don't go your way. Handle it like a mature person would." She berated. "You're an idiot for throwing away something I treasured. I lost Jai's friendship because of you."
"No. That was all you." Paige retorted. "And if you want her friendship so much then by all means, take it." She offered sarcastically.
"That's what I'm trying to do." Cesca answered. "That's why I wanted to talk to you. Because I can't just standby and watch anymore. She chose you over her other friends and honestly, the way you're treating her now is insulting to the rest of us. So don't worry. I'll win her friendship back. I just hope you won't regret it in the end, leech."
Paige looked on, her hands balled into tight fists as Cesca went back to her car and drove away. It took everything she had to control her temper and she told herself to calm down. She wasn't going to let Cesca ruin her day. For all she knew, everything the girl said was a lie told to get a rise out of her. If only she could shake the nagging feeling she had that Cesca was being truthful, as she made her way back to the house.
Emily slowly opened her eyes as she turned on her bed, feeling someone lying next to her, and smiled when her gaze landed on Jai's sleeping form. The girl's face looked so peaceful: a stark contrast to Jai's grim expression when she opened the door and saw the girl standing outside her room a couple of days ago. Jai has been spending the nights in her room since the whole sorority party debacle but she was still getting used to it. As she watched the rhythmic rise and fall of the girl's chest, Emily couldn't help but recall the conversation they had that night.
"Where have you been?!" Emily asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice as she closed the door.
"I needed to get some air. Clear my mind. That sort of thing. So I walked around campus." Jai explained.
"Did you get any of my messages? I've been calling since you left the party." Emily told the girl.
Jai shook her head. "No. I haven't gotten the chance to check my phone." She admitted as she touched the left pocket of her jeans. "Sorry."
"Don't be. I'm the one who should apologize." Emily replied. "I'm really sorry about what happened at the party. I swear I'm not cheating on you." She uttered sincerely.
"I know. You're not a cheater, Em. You're one of the most loyal people I know. But it's not easy seeing you two together." Jai confessed. "Dancing so close like that. It's unnerving. But I don't want to tell you what to do."
Emily reached for her girlfriend's hand. "I know. I'm willing to keep my distance from her if it means fixing our relationship." She offered.
Jai shook her head firmly. "I'm not a kid, Em. I don't want to be immature about this. I'll get used to it eventually. I trust you." She promised, squeezing the girl's hand.
Emily smiled in relief. "I love you." She uttered earnestly.
"I love you, too." Jai whispered before kissing the girl.
"Want to spend the night?" Emily asked when they finally came up for air. "We could just stay up talking."
Jai nodded. "Yeah. I'd like that." She answered, reaching for her girlfriend's outstretched hand and letting Emily lead her toward the bed.
"Good morning." Emily uttered in greeting when she saw Jai open her eyes and stir from her sleep.
"Good morning." Jai repeated, smiling lazily at the girl as she stretched.
Emily glanced past her girlfriend and groaned when her gaze landed on her alarm clock. "It's almost lunch but I could still probably get some pancakes or waffles from the café. And coffee, of course." She added.
"Rain check?" Jai asked when she saw the time as well. "I'm sorry. I have to go take care of some things." She explained, getting up.
"Really? On a Saturday? Like what?" Emily inquired as she watched her girlfriend put on her sneakers.
"Like go to the hospital to meet my dad." Jai answered vaguely before heading to the bathroom.
Emily waited until the girl returned and silently watched as Jai put on her jacket before walking over to the dresser. "Are we okay?" She asked, nervous that her girlfriend was in such a hurry to leave.
Jai turned around to face the girl and smiled. "Em, you've been asking that question since Thursday and my answer's still the same. Yes. We're okay. More than okay, actually." She reassured the girl. "I just really have to go. But I'll make it up to you tomorrow night if you'll let me. How does dinner at Marigold Kitchen, like we've been planning, sound?" Jai asked, her tone hopeful.
Emily was about to say yes but ended up smacking her forehead lightly instead. "I'm sorry to turn down Marigold again but I can't tomorrow night. I almost forgot. I'm meeting my fellow MUSE officers for dinner." She explained apologetically. "But here's an idea. Why don't you join us? That way you can meet them." Emily suggested.
"I don't know. I don't want to intrude. Don't worry about it. We can have dinner some other time." Jai reassured her girlfriend.
"You won't. Come on. Say yes? I really want you to meet them. We missed out on a lot of things this past year and we have a lot of catching up to do. I want you to know my life while you were gone." Emily admitted.
Jai studied her girlfriend's eager expression and finally conceded. "Okay. I'm in. Let's do it." She said, making the girl smile.
"Pick me up at seven?" Emily asked.
"See you at seven tomorrow night." Jai confirmed, leaning forward to kiss her girlfriend on the cheek before heading for the door.
"Oh. Hey. Leaving already?" Spencer asked in greeting when Jai opened the door to find the girl standing outside. "But I brought coffee and bagels."
"Yeah. Sorry. I have someplace to be." Jai told the girl apologetically. "Thanks, though."
Spencer shrugged. "More for me, then." She said, stepping aside to let Jai pass before closing the door.
"Huge appetite, Spence? Must be all that studying you and Connor are doing." Emily teased.
"At least I'm getting laid." Spencer shot back as she lowered the bagels and cups of coffee on her study table. "Is she sleeping over again tonight?"
"I don't think so." Emily replied. "We're having dinner tomorrow night, though. She's going to meet my friends from MUSE." She added proudly.
"Great. I guess you won't be having a huge appetite anytime soon." Spencer deadpanned as she handed a cup of coffee to her friend.
"I guess not. But I don't need to get laid for that. Swimming is enough to make me hungry." Emily answered offhandedly, getting up to grab a bagel before Spencer could see her face and figure out she was hiding something.
"Hey, Darlene." Paige enthusiastically greeted the middle-aged secretary once she entered Logan's office on Sunday afternoon.
"Paige. You're early." Darlene noted when she looked past the girl and saw the time on the wallclock above the door.
"I know. Traffic wasn't that bad today." Paige explained as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Is he with a patient? I was hoping I could start early so I can go home before five."
"Got a date with Reese again?" Darlene teased.
Paige made a face. "No. It's for training." She answered, shaking her head adamantly.
Darlene laughed. "That's what you say now. But that's how love usually starts." She added knowingly. "He doesn't have a patient but Jasmine's inside, so you should probably wait before going in." Darlene said just as the phone rang. "Doctor Logan Hayes' office."
Paige stiffened upon hearing Jai's name but Darlene was too busy checking something on the computer screen to notice. As the woman conversed with someone on the line, Paige took a seat on one of the chairs near the main door but decided to get up and browse for a magazine or any reading material available in the magazine rack near Logan's room to pass the time instead.
As she got closer, Paige heard muffled voices from the other side of the room; one deep and calm, the other almost angry. Curious as to what Logan and Jai were talking about that got her friend riled up, Paige decided to eavesdrop by pretending to browse through the reading materials on the magazine rack.
"You have to make an exception! She's my best friend!"
Paige struggled to keep her expression neutral when she realized they were talking about her and inched a little closer to the door while keeping an eye on Darlene who was still on the phone.
"I can't. Your friendship with Paige takes a backseat to the doctor-patient privilege. I can't discuss with you her sessions because I'm not asking you for a consult and you're not a colleague. At least not yet." Logan explained, his tone calm but firm.
"But I'm not going to tell anyone." Jai promised. "Please, dad. You have to make an exception. I've already sacrificed a lot just to make sure she'll be okay. I even went to London for her at the expense of my relationship with Emily."
Paige's brows creased upon hearing what Jai just said, trying to figure out what it meant. All this time she thought Jai went to London for her and Emily's future. She had no idea it was because of her and she didn't know what to make of it.
"That couldn't have been the only reason why you applied to King's College." Logan said disbelievingly.
"It's the reason I got accepted in the first place and honestly? It's the only reason that matters." Jai replied. "So please. You have to tell me."
"No. I don't. My responsibility is to my patients and as far as I'm concerned, Paige is my patient first before my daughter's best friend." Logan reminded the girl.
"Dad..." Jai pleaded.
"I'm not changing my mind, Jasmine. The answer's no." Logan said with finality in a tone Paige rarely heard the man use. It reminded her that although Jai's father can be charming in front of others, the man can be stern and controlling to those close to him. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."
Paige grabbed the first magazine she laid eyes on and hurriedly took a seat on a chair next to the door just as it opened. She pretended to be engrossed in an article about the latest fashion, telling herself not to look up.
"Paige." Jai called out, obviously surprised.
"Hey." Paige uttered in greeting for lack of something better to say.
Jai glanced behind her before closing the door. "Have you, uh... how long have you been sitting there?" She asked, studying her friend.
Paige shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe a minute or so?" She answered, fingers crossed under the magazine. Technically she just took a seat. "I just got here." Paige lied.
"Oh. Well I guess you're just in time then." Jai said, stepping aside and gesturing to the door. "He'll see you now."
Paige closed the magazine and set it down on the chair to her left before getting up. "Thanks." She uttered while racking her brain for something else to say to the girl before going inside. She wanted to apologize for her behavior at the party but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Not when she knew she wasn't entirely sorry for her actions. "Don't tell him I told you this but these thrice a week sessions with your dad are killing my social life." Paige finally said. "Talking helps with the medication though, so I can't totally complain. I sleep better and my appetite's good so I'm crossing my fingers that this time it'll work."
"That's... really good to hear." Jai answered, the relief evident in her voice.
"Well I should go. Wouldn't want to keep your dad waiting. You know how cranky he gets when you're late." Paige reminded the girl.
"Yeah. He's probably wondering where his next patient is. I'll see you around." Jai bade, nodding at her friend before walking away.
Paige watched Jai leave until Darlene called her attention to remind her that Logan was waiting for her inside. She was still angry at her friend because Emily chose her but the conversation she overheard between Logan and the girl just now was slowly reminding her of how good a person her friend is and sadly, why Jai deserved Emily Fields and the reason she chose to bury her feelings for the latter in the first place five years ago.
Emily moved closer to Jai as they walked hand in hand back to Harrison after having dinner with the rest of the officers of MUSE. The month of October is coming to an end and it was getting colder, so even if her girlfriend's hand offered warmth, Emily knew she would feel warmer if Jai's body was near hers. She smiled when the girl instinctively let go of her hand so Jai could rub her arms up and down. Without her saying anything, Jai knew what she wanted and that was one of the things she missed about them.
"Better?" Jai asked, reaching for Emily's hand when the girl nodded. "So as I was saying, my dad's really set on going all out on this year's Thanksgiving. Which I totally understand seeing how last year I didn't get to celebrate it with them. He even hired someone to cook for us instead of Kayla." She added wryly. "And I know he wouldn't want your family to miss out on it so do you think you can ask Pam and Wayne to join us as well?"
Emily shook her head. "Sorry to disappoint but my dad won't be home until after Christmas. I can ask my mom, though." She offered. "I'm sure she'd love to join us. But that means the day after Thanksgiving your family has to come over to join us. Hired chef or not, my mom won't be outdone."
Jai laughed. "Just like old times I guess. I can't promise my dad will be there but Kayla and I will join you and your mom." She reassured her girlfriend before coming to a stop in front of Emily's college house.
"So. What do you think of my friends?" Emily asked as she placed her hands inside her jacket pockets and walked up a couple of steps so she was a little taller than the other girl.
"You're an excellent judge of character, Em. I think they're great and you're in good company." Jai answered truthfully, walking up a step and tucking a strand of hair behind Emily's ear.
"Sorry if there were times I didn't pay attention to you during dinner. You were probably bored or felt left out but didn't say anything." Emily said sheepishly.
Jai shook her head. "I wasn't. I actually enjoyed listening and watching you interact with your friends. You were discussing all these things with them like a grown up. A woman." She added, smiling.
Emily felt herself blush. "I'm hardly a woman." She told her girlfriend wryly. "I'm just a girl trying to start over by reaching for my dreams because I knew it was what you would have wanted me to do. And Paige reminded me of it." Emily added, albeit hesitantly.
"Well she's right." Jai said in a tone that reassured the girl that she's not threatened by Paige's presence. "And from what I saw tonight, you're doing a pretty good job of it."
"Doesn't mean I want to keep dreaming for myself. You're back. We can dream again. Together." Emily added, reaching for the girl's hand and giving it a firm squeeze.
Paige sat in the driver's seat of her SUV in heavy silence as she stared at the crumpled piece of paper in her hands, the words written on it now invisible in the darkness. Not that she needed the light to read what was in it. She had the contents memorized by now. She'd been reading and rereading the essay Jai wrote for her application to King's College ever since she got home from the hospital, unable to take her mind off the conversation she overheard between Logan and his daughter. Granted the essay she was holding in her hands was just a rough draft of the one Jai sent, the content was enough to make her leave her apartment and head to the campus even if it was late.
"Do you want me to throw these?" Paige asked, showing the papers to her friend. "They're from King's College."
"Throw it." Jai replied without so much as a glance. "Going there was a mistake."
Paige's grip on the paper tightened at the memory. It wasn't that long ago that she came across this piece of paper but she never got around to throwing it away. Jai confronting her on the truth about her and Emily made her forget she even had it. Until today. Like a bulb lit up somewhere in her brain and she remembered seeing that piece of paper and realizing its significance.
All these years they've never really talked about it. All Paige knew was that Jai saved her life that day and for that she's always been grateful to her friend. Jai saved her life. Not the other way around. At least that's how she saw it. So it came as a surprise to her when she read the girl's answer in the application form as to why she wanted to be part of the internship program.
It wasn't for Jai and Emily's future. At least it wasn't the girl's number one reason. It was because Jai believes that Paige saved her life that fateful day and her friend wanted to return the favor.
When I was young I met this kid. I recognized the signs...
That day I saved her life. At least that's what everyone thought.
She is my best and truest friend and my motivation.
I want to save lives. But I want to make a difference in hers.
Paige closed her eyes in frustration, angry at herself for screwing everything up. She shouldn't have asked Emily to start something so soon. She should've waited. She should've fought harder to hide how she felt. She should've tried harder to stop Jai from leaving. Because then all of this wouldn't have happened. Her best friend lost a year of her life because of her and it was time she made up for it.
Opening her eyes again, Paige stared outside the window across the street from Harrison and watched as Emily and Jai talked. It was a good thing she saw them before she got out. She didn't want her friend to see her waiting for Emily. She just hoped Jai wouldn't spend the night or she'd have to find another time to talk to the girl.
Paige straightened up when she saw Jai lean forward and kiss Emily on the cheek. Seeing them together wasn't going to be easy but she had no choice but to get used to it again. Pocketing Jai's essay, Paige waited until her friend was out of sight before getting out of her car and walking toward Emily for what felt like the last time.
"So this weekend's our fourth anniversary. If we don't consider the past year happening, that is." Jai continued hesitantly.
"I'm tempted to say fifth but it doesn't feel right." Emily admitted, taking a deep breath. "I mean, we haven't really talked about everything that happened last year. Mainly because I don't know if you want to. And I would be lying if I said I want to myself because I'd rather have a fresh start..."
"Me, too." Jai interjected. "I get what you're saying. Let's have a fresh start."
"Okay." Emily said, returning the girl's smile. "So... do you want to go up to my room?" She asked shyly.
Jai groaned. "Why did you have to ask?" She answered, giving the girl a pained look. "I want to, I really do. But I can't tonight. I have to take care of some things."
"Hospital stuff again?" Emily guessed with an understanding smile.
"Not exactly." Jai replied mysteriously. "It's a surprise." She added before the girl could say anything else. "I'll see you tomorrow." Jai said, leaning forward and kissing the girl on the cheek before leaving.
Emily couldn't hide her smile as she shook her head and watched her girlfriend's retreating back. She knew Jai was already planning something for their anniversary and she found herself looking forward to next Sunday. But first, sleep. Emily thought, suddenly feeling tired. She turned around to head inside but stopped when she saw Paige crossing the street and for some reason she knew the girl wasn't there to see Reese.
"What do you want?" Emily asked warily once Paige was near enough to hear her.
Paige raised her hands in surrender. "I'm not here to cause trouble." She promised as she stopped in front of the girl. "I just want to talk."
"About what?" Emily inquired.
Paige cleared her throat. "Well first, I'd like to apologize for the way I've been behaving after... when you..." She paused, taking a deep breath. "I mean, since you... made your choice. Losing isn't exactly my strongest suit and I guess I was just holding on to what we have... had, no matter how insignificant it was compared to what you... have, with Jai." Paige continued, mentally berating herself for stammering.
"What we had wasn't insignificant." Emily argued. "We just... we weren't right for each other."
"Yes, we are." Paige insisted before she could stop herself. "Or at least I'd like to think we are. Just… not right now."
"Paige..." Emily warned. "I thought you didn't come here to cause trouble?"
"Right. Sorry." Paige said, rubbing the back of her neck. "Where was I?"
"Apologizing for the way you've been behaving lately." Emily supplied. "Did you... did you come here to say what I think you're about to say?" She asked, unable to tell what she's feeling right then.
"Yeah. I am." Paige answered. "I came here to tell you I'm sorry and that if you want me to let you go, then I will. But I want to hear you say it again."
Emily held the girl's gaze and told herself not to look away. "I need... for you... to let me go." She finally managed to say.
Paige swallowed hard, the words Emily uttered cutting through her but she gave the girl a small smile. "Okay. I'll try." She promised. "I'll try a little each day and hope that one day I can say that I've let you go. Because I'd be lying to you and to myself if I tell you now that I can. Right now I think a part of me will always hold on to us, so the best I can do for now is promise that I'll try."
"Thank you." Emily said, her voice barely above a whisper.
Paige nodded. "Well, I should probably go. It's late and that's the only reason I came by anyway. Goodnight." She uttered, turning her back to Emily without waiting for the girl to say anything.
"Goodnight." Emily repeated as she numbly watched Paige leave.
Just a few minutes ago she was looking forward to her upcoming Sunday date with Jai. But now, it felt like she couldn't even bear to wake up tomorrow. It's what you wanted. Right? Everything that just happened didn't sink in until Emily saw the girl cross the street, get in her car, and drive away. For days she's been asking Paige to let her go. And now that the girl said she'll do just that, Emily didn't feel the relief she was expecting when Paige agreed to do what she asked. Instead, she stood there feeling like she couldn't breathe and she bit her bottom lip before the tears could start falling.
Jai adjusted the collar of her sweater as she stepped outside of Hill College House on a cold Monday morning, about to head to her car to drive to her first class when she spotted Paige standing in front of it. Worried to see the girl waiting for her at such an early hour, she quickened her pace until she reached her friend.
"Paige." Jai uttered in greeting without any trace of anxiety. "What brings you to this neck of the woods?" She asked, noting that the girl was in her running attire.
"Just finished with my early morning run and I was in the neighborhood, thought I could catch a ride back to Shoemaker Green on your way to Hayden Hall." Paige replied. "I… might've asked Kayla for your class schedule today that's why I stopped by." She confessed when she noticed Jai's confused look. "I figured we could use the ride to talk."
"Oh. Okay. Come on, then." Jai said before walking to the other side of her car and getting in. "What do you want to talk about?" She asked once her friend was inside.
Paige fidgeted with the seatbelt as she tried to decide how to start. "Sorry." She finally uttered, making her friend look at her in confusion. "For my behavior these past few days." Paige clarified. "I've been acting out like a brat. It's obvious it's not easy for me to come to terms with Emily's choice so I tried to force her to change her mind. Which was a really jerk move." She admitted reluctantly. "It may not look like it lately but I don't want to throw away our friendship."
"And what about your relationship with Em?" Jai asked, glancing at the girl again after she rounded a corner. "I mean, aren't you two even friends?"
Paige stared outside the window before speaking. "I already apologized to her last night." She admitted. "I think it's going be weird, though."
"I'm not gonna lie, it's going to be hard." Jai said in agreement. "But your friendship means a lot to Em so although it would take some getting used to, I'd rather you two get along. I don't want you two to go back to fighting."
"I don't want to go back to that either. I can't." Paige added. "And I don't know what's going to happen now but I promise I won't cause trouble again."
"Thanks." Jai uttered, finally smiling at the girl. "So. In the spirit of renewing our friendship, want to come over to my house on Saturday morning for breakfast? It'll be like old times." She reminded her friend. "Dad keeps asking when you'll be able to join us and I think I'm almost out of excuses."
"Yeah he's been asking me, too. Before or after I see him. Sometimes both." Paige added wryly. "I think he misses seeing me clean out your table every Saturday morning."
"I think he misses seeing you outside of his office." Jai corrected. "So do I." She confessed. "So if you're free this Saturday maybe you could join us? Dad knows it's not like when we were in high school. You've got other things on your plate but maybe once in a while you could show up?" Jai asked just as she pulled to a stop next to Shoemaker Green.
Paige nodded. "Yeah I think I can make it this weekend. I have no plans." She answered, her hand on the door handle. "Well... thanks for the ride."
"Anytime." Jai uttered. "I'm glad you stopped by. Or waited for me. See you Saturday?"
"See you." Paige affirmed before getting out to head to her own car.
"You're kidding. Right?" Reese asked her friend during track practice as soon as Paige was done telling her about what happened earlier that day. "Newbie. Why the hell would you say yes if you're not comfortable being around them?"
"Because. Logan's persistent. Okay?" Paige replied, exasperated. "He won't take no for an answer. If I don't show up he's not going to stop asking until I do."
Reese rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. He's a grown man. There's nothing wrong with saying no until you're ready to face them. Don't say yes just because your best friend's dad keeps asking." She argued.
"It's complicated." Paige said, averting her eyes from her friend's by watching their teammates run around the field, reminding her that they were merely taking a break. "I don't want Logan to realize that something's wrong. He might tell my dad and the last thing I need is for him to start worrying again."
"Again?" Reese repeated, confused. "What-?"
"I'll just have to find a way to spend less time there. Maybe I could show up late or leave early or something." Paige interjected. "So. How goes your preparation for the qualifiers for the WTS next year? Are you ready?" She suddenly asked, hoping her friend would take the hint.
Reese nodded. "I am. And between the two of us, I know I'm more prepared so worry about yourself." She chided lightly. "You've wasted enough time on matters of the heart, newbie. It's time to focus all that energy on the triathlon instead of Emily. I know you don't want to hear it again but this right here is tough love."
"Tough love? Seriously?" Paige asked, trying to stifle a laugh while making a face. "Well, you can stop worrying about me. Now that I'm slowly coming to terms with her decision, I'm dead set on qualifying for the qualifiers."
"That is... so redundant, it's painful to my ears." Reese commented, shaking her head. "Like you're planning to plan."
Paige cringed. "Yeah, that was bad." She said in agreement before laughing along with her friend.
"Ready for another lap?" Reese asked, getting up and offering a hand to help Paige up when the girl nodded. "Remember, it's one-zero." She said as they took their positions at the starting line. "I'm aiming to make it two-zero so watch out."
"In your dreams!" Paige shot back, making a run for it before Reese could start the time.
"Hey, you cheated!" Reese cried out but a huge smile was on her lips as she watched the girl run. That's it. Focus on yourself. She thought encouragingly before breaking into a run to catch up to her friend.
"Don't hesitate to get seconds. There's plenty to go around." Logan told the three girls as he set another plate of pancakes in the middle of the table on Saturday morning.
Jai stared at the breakfast spread in front of them before looking at her father. "Dad, there's enough food here to feed the neighbors. I think it's safe to say you got carried away." She said wryly.
Logan raised his hands in defense. "What can I say? It's nice getting to have breakfast with you girls like old times. Though I have to say..." He trailed off, checking the time on his watch. "Paige is running a bit late."
"Don't worry. She'll be here." Jai reassured her father before taking a sip of her coffee.
Next to her, Emily continued to fidget in her seat, barely able to keep down any of the food she managed to put in her mouth. She used to love Saturday breakfast with the Hayes. Back when things between her and Paige weren't so complicated. Now she was dreading the moment when the girl would eventually come barreling through the door, sweaty and flushed from all the running she just did, but no doubt still looking irresistibly beautiful to make her heart race like it is now just thinking about it. Oh my god. Why are you thinking about that?! Emily mentally berated herself. You asked her to let you go, and she did. Get it together!
"No thanks, Logan. I don't think I can eat anymore." Emily said, shaking her head politely when she realized that the man was offering her a plate of eggs. Her stomach was churning and she couldn't tell if it was because of hunger or anxiety but she didn't want to risk it by eating another spoonful of eggs.
"You're too skinny." Logan commented as he put the plate down. "Is everything okay?"
Emily blankly stared at the man while several thoughts ran through her head. No. Things aren't okay. I thought it was going to be over but apparently I'm still torn between your daughter and her best friend and while Jai is already sitting next to me, Paige is about to arrive any minute now and I feel nauseated at the thought of sitting beside Jai and in front of Paige. "Uh-"
"Dad, Emily isn't a patient of yours." Kayla reminded her father as her way of coming to the girl's rescue. "Stop asking about her problems. I'm sure it's just school stuff." She continued, knowing why her sister's girlfriend looked like she was about to pass out.
Emily gave Kayla a grateful smile and resumed moving the food around her plate but the sound of the doorbell ringing made her jump in her seat and her pulse began to race faster. "Excuse me." She mumbled, barely getting the words out. "I need to use the bathroom." Emily explained as she got up without meeting Jai's gaze.
Quickly walking past the main entrance, Emily went inside the bathroom and locked the door. She splashed some cold water on her face before staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks were flushed and she knew it wasn't from the heat. Paige is going to be there when she returns to the dining room and she didn't know if she had it in her to hide her feelings. For a moment she thought about leaving. Making up some excuse about suddenly not feeling well. She's sure they would understand. But she didn't want to give Paige the impression that she was avoiding her.
You can do this. Emily told her reflection. After splashing her face with cold water again, she finally turned off the faucet and dried her face with a towel. Emily willed her pulse to stop racing as she opened the door and made her way to the dining room once again. Pasting a nervous smile on her lips, she walked inside the room but her steps faltered when she dared look at everyone. Emily forced her expression to remain neutral as she tried to hide how she felt because she couldn't tell what it was right then. It was a mixture of embarrassment, disappointment, and relief. She was expecting Paige to be there when she came back but there was no sign of the girl at all.
As Emily sat down next to Jai and smiled at her girlfriend faintly, she felt like crying again for being such an idiot. Because while she steeled herself for when she came back and Paige was there, she didn't prepare herself for how she would feel if she came back and Paige wasn't.
Paige stopped to catch her breath and rested her hands on her knees as she leaned forward to regulate her breathing. She hasn't checked her time yet but she had a feeling she just beat her own record and she wanted to collapse on the grass as her way of celebrating. Instead she found herself looking across the street toward Jai's house. Taking a look at the time on her watch, she realized she just made it in time for breakfast and she could easily walk up to the door and ring the doorbell if she wanted to. She could easily show herself to Logan and get invited to have breakfast with them like they used to. If only things were that simple. The conversation she had with Reese earlier this week made her realize that it was too soon and she wasn't comfortable sharing a meal with Emily and Jai.
Stepping behind a willow tree, Paige watched the postman walk up the front door and ring the doorbell. By this time they're almost done having breakfast and they were all probably waiting for her. But she couldn't bring herself to join them because Emily was inside with Jai and she didn't want things to be awkward. She didn't want to sit in front of the two for the rest of the meal and see them act all couple-y. Like nothing's changed.
Paige waited until Logan was done receiving the package and made sure that the man was back inside the house before stepping out. Wearing her earphones again, Paige turned the volume up and gave the sprawling house one last look before breaking into a run, desperate to widen the distance between her and Emily Fields.
Armed with a garbage bag in each hand, Emily emerged from her house on Sunday morning and walked toward the end of the driveway. The weather was getting colder so she quickened her pace to get herself warm and almost collided with a jogger running past her house when she reached the street.
"Sorry." Emily uttered and suddenly felt her pulse quicken when she realized who just ran past her. "Paige!" She called out, her cheeks turning beet red when the jogger turned around and she saw that it wasn't Jai's best friend. "Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
Emily shook her head wryly and waited until the girl was out of sight before throwing the garbage. She mentally berated herself for thinking about Paige, feeling guilty that the girl has been on her mind since yesterday morning. After she got back from the bathroom she was anything but hungry the rest of the meal. Even if she managed to avoid Kayla's knowing look from across the table, she still felt ashamed for thinking about Paige the entire time she was having breakfast with the Hayes. But she couldn't help it. It bothered her that Paige didn't show up considering the girl loved having breakfast with the Hayes and she had a nagging feeling that it was because she was there.
Not that she could blame Paige for wanting to distance herself but she didn't want their friendship to suffer and she didn't know what to do about it. Besides, haven't they already settled things between them last week? Then why was Paige a no-show? She didn't believe what Jai said when her girlfriend excused herself to answer a call and a few minutes later, came back to say that Paige couldn't make it because the girl suddenly felt under the weather while training and had to go home, and from what Emily could tell, Jai didn't believe it either.
After disposing both garbage bags, Emily checked the time on her watch. Jai was going to pick her up for their anniversary date in less than two hours but she still has a lot of time to get ready. Her girlfriend refused to tell her where they were going, only that they would be taking a couple of side trips before their date tonight.
Emily rubbed her arms vigorously as she turned around to head back inside but stopped when she saw someone round the corner on a bike. She waited until the girl was close enough just to be sure and when she saw that it was indeed Paige, she walked back down the driveway to call out to the girl but when Paige looked directly at her, the girl's gaze made her freeze.
A flash of emotion crossed Paige's features at the sight of her but before Emily could tell what it was, the girl's expression became neutral and without so much as another glance, Paige sped past her so fast that she actually heard the rush of air that followed.
Emily turned around and watched as Paige furiously pedaled away, unable to hide her surprise and confusion. She waited until the girl was no longer in sight before heading back to her house to get ready for her date but she was still preoccupied by what just happened. Because now she was sure that Paige was avoiding her and she didn't know how she felt about that.
Paige caught the steamed baby potato she was playing around with on her plate before it rolled off the table and looked up to check if her father saw what just happened. It was one of those rare occasions where Nick was home the same time she was and Paige didn't want to let the opportunity pass so she joined her father for dinner even if she had no appetite. She tried to listen and pretend to be interested in what Nick was telling her but her mind was on Emily Fields.
The girl had been on her mind since yesterday morning after she decided not to show up for breakfast and seeing the girl earlier that day didn't make things easier. She knew she had to keep her distance and for now that meant ignoring Emily and focusing on other things. Like trying to be okay since she didn't want her dad to worry.
Paige shifted in her seat and cleared her mind of Emily Fields, focusing instead on what her father was telling her about his job. She nodded a few times as she tried to absorb what the man was saying until she realized that her father stopped talking, expecting her to say something.
"Well, you're already spending most of your time there anyway so why don't you just accept the job offer?" Paige finally asked when she noticed the exhaustion in her father's features. She knew it was because of the constant need to travel to and from California every week and she was worried.
Nick wiped the corners of his mouth with a napkin before speaking. "I'm tempted to say yes." He admitted as he sliced another portion off his steak. "But I can't afford to move there permanently."
"Right." Paige uttered, knowing full well that she was the reason why her father won't accept the position.
For a while, the only sound in the room was that of their utensils hitting the plates as they concentrated on their meals until Paige spoke up again.
"What if I transfer to USC?" Paige offered, making her father look up in surprise. "I mean, not right now. But I could transfer. Next fall."
Nick shook his head. "No." He answered. "You're doing fine at UPenn."
"I'm struggling." Paige corrected. "I'm giving it a try because that's what you want. But I feel like it isn't really for me. I'm barely getting by, dad."
Nick lowered his utensils on the plate and studied his daughter carefully with his hands clasped. "Transferring schools isn't that simple, Paige." He began, his tone serious. "But... if that's what you really want then we'll do it. Though I suggest you think it through. Then we'll talk about it again."
"I will." Paige promised. But with the way things are going in her life right now, moving to another state seemed to be the best thing to do. And USC was her first choice of college anyway. What's there to think about, really?
"So how's your training going?" Nick asked, changing the subject.
Paige watched as her father resumed eating his steak and suddenly felt hungry herself so she decided to start eating her dinner as well, filling her dad in the rest of the meal on how she and Reese have been training for the WTS.
"That place was so scary." Emily insisted as she and her girlfriend rode in Jai's car on their way to another unknown destination after having dinner at Marigold. "It was a real prison turned into a massive haunted house! Now I know why you insisted we skip those Halloween films being shown at the Film Festival this morning." She said with a shiver. "I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight."
Jai laughed. "I'm glad you're enjoying our date so far." She replied as she turned left on to a dirt road.
"I really love it." Emily admitted before reaching for the girl's hand. "This is probably the best anniversary date we went to. Film festival this morning, Terror Behind the Walls at that Eastern State Penitentiary, then dinner at Marigold. It's perfect. Thank you."
"Well, I have one more surprise left." Jai reminded the girl with a smile. "This is actually my anniversary gift to you. Sort of." She added nervously.
"Is it… taking a stroll in the dark?" Emily quipped as she looked around them. "A blind scavenger hunt?"
"You'll see." Jai answered mysteriously. "We're here." She said before pulling to a stop when they reached a clearing. She turned off the engine and quickly got out to make her way to the passenger side of her car before her girlfriend could get out and grinned at Emily as the girl alighted.
"Where's here?" Emily asked, looking around them then at her girlfriend with a bewildered look.
"It's a surprise." Jai answered before reaching for the girl's hand and leading the way. "Don't worry. It's early so we still have some time."
"Time for what?" Emily asked, her smile part confused, nervous, and amused as she followed the girl. "What's going on?"
Jai didn't answer her girlfriend's question and instead stopped in the middle of what seemed to be nowhere. "Stay close to me." She whispered with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "You don't want to fall off and get lost in space and time while we're traveling in the time machine." Jai said before starting to walk again.
Emily laughed. "The what?" She asked, looking around the darkness again and letting out a small gasp when a path lit up in front of them that led to what looked like several luggages in the distance.
"Ah. We've arrived at our first destination." Jai said as she guided her girlfriend along the lighted path.
"What is this?" Emily asked, still confused.
"Do you remember what you said? About wanting to move forward but being stuck in the past? Well I heard you, Em." Jai told the girl. "And I want to move forward with you. It frustrates me too that we can't seem to find a way so I thought maybe we could start with this." She explained, gesturing around them. "Don't worry. We're not trespassing or anything. It's an overlooking point not many people know about and I asked Kayla to help me build this time machine so we can make up for what we missed out on. But this machine's different because it's low tech which means we have to move instead of it moving us through time."
"O-kay." Emily uttered slowly, amused with the girl's concept of time travel. "But how would we know where to go?"
"With this." Jai answered as she showed the girl what looked like a small remote then pointed it to the ground which turned the lights on and off. "This place is filled with moments we missed out on and tonight we'll visit each one. Are you in?"
"Wow." Emily said, her mind still trying to process everything her girlfriend told her.
It was obvious that Jai was trying to make their relationship work, something Emily wanted as well, and the girl's gesture was touching. Today wasn't just about celebrating their anniversary. It was also about moving forward from their past and Jai's idea of building a time machine was her way of doing that.
Emily looked at Jai's hopeful expression and decided to go with it. Maybe little by little they'll be able to move forward. "I'm in." She finally answered, making the girl smile.
"Good. We start our journey here. On the day I was supposed to arrive in Rosewood and come back to you." Jai explained as she reached for a luggage with a carry-on bag on top. "I didn't make it then. But I'm here now."
"Yes. You are." Emily whispered, tears welling in her eyes at the memory of that day. She stepped forward and hugged the Jai tightly. "You came back."
Paige sat forlornly on one of the tables in the quad on Monday afternoon, the rest of her Smoked Turkey BLT Panini left untouched in front of her. She and Reese were having an enjoyable conversation over lunch when out of the corner of her eye she spotted her best friend and Emily emerge from McClelland Express and proceeded to occupy one of the tables a few distance from where she and Reese were seated. Not that it mattered if she saw them because by the way the two girls were laughing and flirting with each other they couldn't care less about anyone else around them. Which sucked for her because getting front row seats to their relationship is the reason why she was trying to avoid being in the same room with Jai and Emily at the same time.
"Earth to Paige." Reese quipped as she waved a hand in front of the girl who was staring intently at the couple sitting across the quad. "Are you trying to prove human combustion or something?"
"What?" Paige asked, averting her gaze to look at her friend.
"The way you're staring at those two it's like you're waiting for them to burst into flames." Reese explained before nodding her head toward Jai and Emily who Paige had been staring at ever since the couple got there. "I thought you've come to terms with Emily's decision?"
"I said I'm slowly coming to terms." Paige corrected her friend as she glanced at the couple again.
"Well regardless, could you please focus on me for just a few minutes?" Reese asked, snapping her fingers to catch the girl's attention. "I'm trying to ask you something important."
"Which is what?" Paige replied as she looked at her friend again.
"Have you submitted your application for the WTS?" Reese asked, enunciating each word.
Paige slid a long brown envelope across the table toward her friend. "All set." She answered. "I'm nervous, though. I don't think I'll make it."
"Stay positive." Reese told the girl. "Your record's one of the best I've seen."
"Then you know fewer people than I thought." Paige commented wryly.
"Have you told anyone about your plans for next semester?" Reese asked, deliberately ignoring her friend's quip.
"Well, I told my dad. And my academic advisor. And of course our coach. But that's it." Paige answered before glancing at Jai and Emily again.
"I'm all set, too. Thanks for asking." Reese said with a hint of sarcasm, staring at the couple as well. "All we have to do now is get in."
"Easier said than done." Paige replied without looking at her friend.
Reese sighed. "Will you stop being so negative?" She reprimanded, nudging the girl before getting up. "I have to go. I'm running late for my next class." Reese told her friend when she saw the time on her watch. "Are you coming to the group study tonight?"
"Yeah. What time is it again?" Paige asked, looking up at the girl.
"Eight thirty. Don't be late." Reese added then patted her friend on the shoulder before leaving.
Paige nodded wordlessly and watched the girl for a few seconds before returning her attention to Jai and Emily again. A look of envy crossed her features when she saw Emily lean in close to whisper something in Jai's ear which made her friend laugh before planting a kiss on the girl's cheek. I can't be here. Paige thought, suddenly feeling ill. She hurriedly got up and practically shoved her things inside her bag in her desire to get out of there. She felt helpless for not being able to do anything about her situation except wait for the day when she would wake up and realize she was finally over Emily Fields. But until then, the next best thing is for her to stay away if she wanted to remain sane.
Later that night, Emily took the elevator from the twelfth floor of Harrison to the ground, aptly dressed for the cold weather to meet Jai for dinner. She insisted that they meet at the restaurant instead of her girlfriend picking her up since Jai had an exam in the building near the place and was already waiting for her.
"Come on, come on." Emily muttered, staring up at the display as the numbers changed. She breathed a sigh of relief when she finally reached the ground floor and waited for the doors to slide open. "Paige." Emily uttered when she saw the girl standing outside, her cheeks a tinge of pink from the cold.
"Hey." Paige said after she got over her surprise. She stepped aside to let the girl out before she went inside but Emily didn't move.
"Hey?" Emily repeated, staring at Paige in disbelief. "That's it? That's all I get?"
"What else do you want me to say?" Paige asked, confused.
"Anything other than just 'hey'." Emily replied before finally stepping out of the elevator.
"Well, I don't have anything other than hey." Paige said, trying to move past the girl but Emily was quick to block her. "I'm running late for my study group."
"And I'm running late for my date." Emily shot back.
Paige rolled her eyes. "Right. Because being late for my study group is as important as your date." She said, annoyed. "You're running late, I'm running late. Save us both the trouble and be on your way so I can ride the elevator to Reese's."
"Why are you avoiding me?" Emily asked, ignoring everything the girl just said.
"What did you expect?" Paige said in reply, not even bothering to deny it.
"I don't know. Anything but this." Emily answered helplessly. "I thought we would end up as friends." She admitted.
"This conversation is over." Paige told the girl, moving quickly to get inside the elevator.
"No. It's not." Emily argued. "Paige-"
"I can't be friends with you, Emily. I don't want to." Paige said, meeting the girl's surprised look.
Emily's brows creased. "But we were friends before what happened. I don't-"
"Really? When?" Paige interjected. "Was it when I was calling you Sniffles? When you kept telling me that I'm not driven enough?"
"It was after Jai left. We were friends before she died." Emily reminded the girl.
Paige shook her head. "No, we weren't. I became your pseudo girlfriend. I was the glorified stand-in to the great Jai Hayes. I wasn't your friend." She insisted.
"Well you were to me." Emily argued.
"Then I guess that's your problem. I don't want to be friends with you, Emily. I can't." Paige said before pressing the elevator button corresponding to Reese's floor.
"You don't even want to try?" Emily asked, frustrated.
"No. I don't. I can't be friends with you after everything that happened between us." Paige answered, her voice low. "I promised Jai I wasn't going to cause trouble anymore. I told you I was going to try to let you go. So, no, I can't be friends with you. Not when every second I'm around you all I want to do is feel your skin brush against mine." She confessed, running a hand through her hair warily. "I don't want to pretend. I'm tired of having to pretend. I've been doing that since I laid eyes on you. I don't want to try just to find an excuse to be around you."
"Paige, please." Emily said, her voice pleading.
"You asked me a question, I gave you an answer." Paige told the girl patiently. "You don't get to keep your girlfriend and me as your consolation prize. It doesn't work that way. I'm done, Emily. A year of being Jai's substitute for you is enough to last me a lifetime."
"What? Paige-" Emily called out but the elevator doors already closed. How many times do I have to tell you? "You were never a substitute." She whispered, upset.
"Hand me that bowl." Kayla asked, vaguely gesturing to the containers to her sister's left as she poured some vegetable stock in the saucepan and turned on the stove.
Jai reached for the ceramic bowl and handed it to Kayla. "Come on. Don't look so glum. Dad told us about this last month." She reminded the girl.
"Yeah but it really sucks that I don't get to cook for you now that you're back. Thanksgiving last year was really hard for us." Kayla confessed as she whisked some flour into the stock. "Kinda hard to think of something you're thankful for when you're mourning the loss of your sister and your father didn't pay attention to you so you go to school drunk just to see if he'd care."
"Kayla!" Jai exclaimed, giving the girl a reprimanding look.
"Sorry." Kayla uttered with one hand raised defensively. "I was just in a really bad place last year. I promise no more acting out."
"And I promise I'm not going anywhere." Jai reassured her sister. "Thanksgiving this year may be different from all the other ones but at least we get to celebrate it as a family. So cheer up. Just be glad you don't have to slave off in the kitchen the entire day."
Kayla grinned. "I guess. I mean, at least I still get to cook lunch." She said, gesturing to the ingredients on the kitchen counter. "Oh hey. Speaking of Thanksgiving, will Paige be joining us tonight?"
"It's a maybe." Jai replied as she returned to dicing the carrots.
"I hope she does. I really miss her." Kayla admitted. "And to be honest, I'm still worried about her."
"Yeah. Me, too." Jai said, giving the girl a strained smile. "We've already talked about some things so I guess you could say this is a fresh start but I don't want to be pushy."
"I know it wasn't easy for you to deal with everything that's happened while you were gone." Kayla told her sister, stepping aside to let the girl pour the vegetables into the saucepan. "So I'm glad your friendship with her survived."
Jai nodded. "I'm not gonna lie. It wasn't easy. And I don't think I can handle anymore surprises at this point." She admitted, glancing at the wall clock to check the time. "Dad's going to be here any minute now."
"I know, I know." Kayla said as she stirred the soup. "Can you check on the salmon?" She asked, gesturing toward the oven.
"I... think I should get that instead." Jai answered when the doorbell rang. "I'll set the table when I get back." She promised before leaving the room to see who was at the door.
Paige stood outside the Hayes house, trying to steel herself for what was waiting for her on the other side. The entire day she was thinking of plausible excuses to back out on Thanksgiving dinner tonight since she didn't give a definite answer to Jai anyway but she already bailed on her friend on that Saturday breakfast last month so she decided to show up this time. Besides, Logan probably knew that her dad was out of town again so she couldn't use that excuse. She'd just have to find a way to avoid interacting with Emily as much as possible. Let's get this over with. Paige thought to herself, ringing the doorbell once to announce her arrival and trying to seem upbeat as she entered the house.
"I know, I know. I'm late. I'm so sorry." Paige called out as she entered the dining room of the Hayes household. "I got caught in traffic on the way back from UPenn." She continued, the delectable scent of food that wafted in the air making her hungry. "You guys wouldn't believe what happened to me, though. There was this girl having car trouble so I pulled over and the next thing I know-"
Paige stopped mid-sentence when she stepped inside the room and saw Emily sitting at the dinner table. Alone. "Uh. Where's everyone?" She asked, looking around.
"My mom and Logan got held up in traffic just like you." Emily replied when she managed to find her voice. It's been weeks since she last saw the girl and the last conversation they had was more of a fight, so she was dreading having to sit through dinner tonight with Jai's best friend. She just wasn't expecting to see the girl before it started. "Jai went upstairs to change before dinner starts and Kayla's outside with the chef." She explained, amazed that she remembered where everyone was considering how nervous she felt. "I thought you weren't going to make it?"
Paige looked past the girl and saw Kayla and a guy wearing an apron standing outside, seemingly in a serious discussion. That must be the chef Logan is friends with. "Yeah, well, it's Thanksgiving and my dad's still in California. Gwen got the night off so she's with her family and I don't want to spend Thanksgiving alone in my house." She admitted, looking everywhere but at the girl seated at the table.
"Oh. Well you look nice." Emily said in an effort to keep the conversation going. "Like you weren't stuck in horrible traffic."
Paige glanced at the girl before looking behind her. "I should probably go upstairs. Tell Jai I'm here." She continued, turning around to leave without saying anything else.
"I miss you." Emily confessed before she lost her nerve.
The girls words made Paige stop in her tracks and she swallowed hard, not knowing what to do next. She finally took a deep breath and turned around to face Emily.
"We haven't talked since that night." Emily continued, giving the girl a faint smile.
"There's nothing else to say." Paige answered without meeting Emily's gaze.
"What have you been up to?" Emily asked, trying to get the girl to talk to her.
Paige shrugged. "School and sports." She answered, wishing for someone to barge in and interrupt the conversation.
"That's right. Congratulations. I heard you guys won the championship meet." Emily said, her voice enthusiastic.
"Thanks." Paige uttered. "I'm gonna go check on Jai."
"Are you mad at me?" Emily asked before the girl could leave. "I know what I did hurt you-"
"It did." Paige interjected. "A lot. It still does. But no. I'm not mad. Just because I decided to stay away so I don't get to see how it all unfolds doesn't mean I'm not happy for you and Jai." She said, giving the girl a sad smile. "But... you can't honestly expect me to just pretend like everything is okay because it isn't. Things have changed so much but you two still choose to live in the past."
"Paige, just because I chose to stay with Jai doesn't mean we're not moving forward." Emily pointed out.
"But it does." Paige argued. "Deny it all you want but we all moved on. When we thought she died we all moved on. But you're so scared to let her see that, you chose to pick up where your relationship left off. In high school. Tell me that doesn't feel wrong to you." She challenged.
"She's still adjusting." Emily reminded the girl. "You and I have no idea what it feels like. To wake up from a coma and realize that a year has passed and you were left behind. It must be terrifying."
"Oh. And she told you that? Did you two finally talk about it?" Paige asked, arms crossed.
"No. And I'm not going to pressure her. When she's ready, she'll tell me." Emily argued.
Paige scoffed. "Newsflash, Emily. Jai doesn't like to talk about things. She's so used to taking care of everyone else around her she won't let anyone else take care of her." She pointed out. "Think about it. When was the last time she told you anything? Like something really intimate." Paige clarified, daring the girl to prove her wrong.
Emily sighed. "Paige-"
"You and I? What we had was a relationship." Paige insisted. "I'm not going to let you pretend it wasn't. Being with you was the most real thing I've ever had in my life. So I'm sorry if I can't be around you. You walked away from me to go back to something that's familiar and safe."
"I'm really sorry for hurting you." Emily said sincerely. "And I never got to tell you this the last time we talked but you're not a consolation prize. You're important to me that's why I'm trying to fix things between us."
"Well you can't." Paige replied. "All or nothing, remember?" She continued, looking away. "You know what? I think I'm just gonna sit this one out. Tell Jai I wasn't feeling well so I had to go home. Must be something I ate earlier." Paige added, leaving the room without looking back.
This is what you get for bailing. Again. Paige thought to herself when she heard her stomach growl, heaving a sigh as she turned off the engine of her car and got out. She was hungry and exhausted and all she wanted to do was get inside her house to either find some leftovers or sleep off her hunger. She went to the Hayes' with the plan to avoid having to talk to Emily for the rest of the night but instead they ended up having another fight before dinner even started and now she felt drained. As if that wasn't enough, now she'd end up spending Thanksgiving by herself and she'd be lucky if there was even half a sandwich in the fridge.
Walking toward the front door, Paige took out her phone to compose a message to Jai, apologizing for bailing out at the last minute. She entered the house once she was done sending the text and decided to head upstairs to her room to change when she realized that someone was seated on the couch, so she made her way to the living room instead.
"Um... can I help you?" Paige asked when she saw that it was a girl with long, raven-black hair. "You're trespassing." She said when the girl didn't seem to hear her and instead continued to browse the photos in one of the albums on the coffee table.
"No I'm not." Paige stopped in her tracks, her expression a mixture of surprise, confusion, and pain. Even with the girl's back turned to her, she would recognize that voice anywhere.
"Hey, Lazlo." The girl said in greeting, finally getting up and turning around to face Paige.
And just like that, Paige's past came rushing back to her and she felt like she got the wind knocked out of her. "What are you doing here?" She asked, her voice hoarse.
"Your dad let me in." The girl replied, her lips forming the dazzling smile Paige loved so much before.
Paige's brows creased. "Wha-?" She uttered, confused. Her dad was supposed to be in California. Before she could say those words, Paige turned around to look behind her when she heard someone call out her name.
Present Day...
"Paige." Paige turned around to look behind her when she felt Reese's hand on her shoulder before returning her gaze to the street.
"Got my keys and I grabbed your backpack as well. I hope that's okay." Reese said, showing the girl a bag. "Is that it?"
Paige nodded. "Yeah. Thanks." She uttered as she took the bag from her friend.
"Sure. Are you okay?" Reese asked, worried. "You look like your blood just drained from your face."
"Yeah. I'm fine. I just remembered something." Paige answered vaguely.
Reese dangled her car keys in front of the girl. "Okay. Want to drive?" She offered, hoping it would take the girl's mind off Emily and Jai. It was hard getting Paige to where she is now. She wasn't going to let the girl relapse.
Paige's eyes narrowed suspiciously. "What's gotten into you?" She asked, refusing to take the keys. "You love that car so much you won't let anyone else drive it." Paige reminded her friend.
Reese shrugged. "Some things are more important. Besides, I'm winded from carrying our things to my car. My arms hurt. I could use the rest." She said, reaching for Paige's hand and dropping the keys.
"Hey, speak for yourself. My bags weren't that heavy." Paige protested as she followed the girl to the car. "But thank you." She told her friend once she was seated behind the wheel.
"Not a problem. Consider this my payment for all those times you drove me around campus everytime my old car failed me." Reese said, grinning. "Are you forgetting anything else?"
Paige looked at her house in the rearview mirror and then took one last look at the neighborhood. "Nope. All set." She replied, starting the car and pulling out of the driveway to head to the airport.