DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars and all its characters is the intellectual property of others. Some characters used in the writing of this fic belong to PLL. Events that transpire, will transpire and have transpired in this story are entirely of my own creation.

Here it is. The last chapter of Part 3.

I would like to thank everyone who's still reading my story despite the years it took me to update. I know I said it before, but I'll say it again. I will not abandon this fic. I just hope you guys can wait a little longer because I have a lot of things going on in my life outside of continuing this story.

Thanks for the reviews and the PMs.

To my girlfriend, EyeOpener16, happy second quarantine monthsary hahaha! Thank you for everything.

PART THREE: "Non Progredi Est Regredi"

~ To not go forward is to go backward. ~

CHAPTER TEN

Present Day

Emily fidgeted in the passenger seat of Cesca's car as Jai pulled into an empty parking spot and she nervously exhaled when the girl killed the engine. After driving for what felt like hours, they were finally here.

"We're here." Jai announced as if reading Emily's mind.

"Finally. I thought we weren't going to make it." Kayla commented from the backseat as she unbuckled her seatbelt. "I'll meet you two by the entrance."

"Sorry I couldn't make up my mind back there." Emily told Jai apologetically. "I'm pretty sure your sister wants to kill me."

Jai shook her head. "Nonsense. Kayla loves you. She just didn't want to miss seeing Paige off." She reassured the girl. "Speaking of. We should really get going." Jai continued when she saw the time.

Emily wordlessly watched as the other girl unbuckled her seatbelt, her stillness gone unnoticed. Only when Jai stepped out of the car did she realize that Emily was still in the passenger seat.

"What's wrong? You look like you're about to hurl." Jai observed with a worried look.

"I can't do it. I'm not going." Emily said, shaking her head firmly.

"What? But I thought you said you were fine seeing her off?" Jai reminded the girl. "Come on. She's leaving for three months. I'm sure she'd like it if you said goodbye."

Emily looked at Jai pleadingly. "I can't do it. I'm sorry. It's too hard." She said, resigned.

Jai studied the other girl as she tried to decide what to do. "Okay. If that's what you want. I'll just tell her you have an exam or something." She finally suggested. "Are you going to be okay here by yourself? Kayla and I won't be gone long."

"Yeah. Don't worry about me. You two go ahead." Emily said with a smile that felt forced.

"We'll be back in an hour or so." Jai promised, giving the girl one last look before leaving to meet her sister.

Emily sighed as soon as she was alone, the sound she made seemingly loud inside the confined space. She blankly stared past the windshield at the cars and people passing by before looking at the window next to her, the night she finally had the courage to end things with Jai coming back to her as she absentmindedly toyed with her earring.

Two Months Ago...

Emily nervously toyed with her earring as she thought about her decision to end things with Jai tonight. On the one hand, it would be inconsiderate of her to call it quits with the girl on her birthday. But on the other, she needed to do it before she lost her courage. It was something she should've done a long time ago that's why she needed to do it tonight. Maybe if she had the courage back then she would've spared everyone so much pain. Emily looked up when she heard the door open and saw Jai enter the room. The sight of the girl and the knowledge of what she was about to do made her fidget with the hem of her skirt and she felt a fresh wave of tears about to spill but she bit her bottom lip in an effort to hold them back.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jai asked as she took a seat on her bed next to Emily. "Do you need anything?"

Stop being so nice. Emily thought as she shook her head. "I'm fine." She replied, wiping her eyes.

"Can you tell me why you were crying?" Jai asked as she handed the girl her handkerchief.

I don't want to hurt you. More than I already have. Emily kept silent and played with the hem of her skirt, unable to meet Jai's worried gaze. "I... lately I've been feeling conflicted." She finally confessed.

"About?" Jai gently urged.

"Us." Emily continued, looking at the girl. "Ever since you came back, we've been trying to make it work. We missed a lot in each other's lives—"

"And I built that makeshift time machine to make up for it." Jai reminded her girlfriend.

"Do you really think we can make up for lost time with just that?" Emily asked sadly. "It was sweet, Jai. The gesture was sweet. But we can't pretend everything that happened the past year didn't or that you didn't miss most of it."

"I don't know what to do anymore, Em. I thought we're both trying to fix things?" Jai asked, confused.

"I think that's the problem. We're trying to fix something that wasn't even broken." Emily explained.

"Ever since I came back you've been pulling away from me and you're still hung up on Paige. Don't think I don't notice." Jai added before the girl could deny it. "How can you tell me there's nothing wrong? That there's nothing to fix?"

"Because our relationship wasn't broken. We've just become different people in the time that we were apart. We both changed and our relationship couldn't survive it." Emily told the girl sadly. "Those moments you chose to go back to… those were great moments. But the ones that really mattered were the small things. The days that passed when you weren't around."

"Well I can't bring those back." Jai said, frustrated. "What do you want me to do? You want to move forward but you can't seem to get over the fact that I missed out on a lot of things."

"I'm not asking you to do anything. We just have to accept the reality that we lost those moments." Emily answered as a tear rolled down her cheek when she realized what was coming.

"So... what are you trying to say?" Jai asked, her voice hoarse.

"It doesn't mean you're a coward for choosing to stay. I would too if I had your life. One would be crazy to want to wake up. You have everything you want here. Happy family, fiercely loyal friends, stable and loving relationship with someone who's got everything figured out. I understand why you'd want to stay. It doesn't make you a coward. And I think one day you'll find the courage to take that red pill..."

When it truly matters… you'd take that leap of faith. It took her this long. But tonight, Emily finally understood the words Paige said to her that day. Maybe she can be brave after all.

"We need to break up." Emily said tearfully. Her vision blurred and she saw the hurt and disbelief in Jai's eyes, but she needed to say it out loud. "I'm in love with Paige."

For a minute, Jai just sat there, speechless. She stared at Emily, the girl she spent years loving, laughing, and dreaming with, unable to believe what she was saying now. "Say it again." She uttered, her voice hoarse.

"I'm in love with Paige." Emily repeated.

Jai took a deep breath then slowly let it out. "You finally had the guts to tell me." She said, suddenly feeling tired.

"What do you mean?" Emily asked with a confused look.

Jai shrugged. "I think I've always known. At the back of my mind, I've always known." She repeated. "When you came to the restaurant that night and sat down in front of me only to run out again, I knew. Because that night you made your choice."

"Yeah. I chose you." Emily reminded the girl.

"No. You chose her." Jai corrected, getting up.

"I left my book in her car and I had a paper due the next day." Emily explained. "Remember?"

"Yeah. Why is that? In all the years that I've known you, you never, not even once, left your things behind. Never." Jai emphasized. "You always place your things on your lap. Remember? I kept telling you to put your things at the back of my car but you kept saying you'd rather hold them so when you get out you won't leave anything behind. But that night you left a book behind. Why?"

"I don't know. I didn't do it on purpose, Jai. I just forgot, okay?" Emily answered, looking anywhere but at the girl.

"No. You left it so you would have an excuse to leave and run after Paige." Jai argued. "You barely sat down when you realized you left your book. You ran out of that restaurant without so much as a backward glance at me because you were in such a hurry to run after Paige's car. To run after Paige."

"That's not true." Emily insisted.

"That night you chose to leave behind something of yours because you knew you'd have to come back for it. You'd have to come back to her." Jai added, her voice wavering. "You knew the second you stepped out of her car that you were making the wrong choice. You left but you returned to that restaurant and I have never seen you so upset. Why?"

Emily kept quiet for a beat, ashamed of what she was about to say. But she already came clean to the girl about her feelings for Paige. Jai deserved to know the whole truth. "Because I saw how devastated Paige was." She confessed. "I lied when I said I didn't see her. The truth was I caught up to her outside. She was parked a few blocks away from the restaurant. I was standing right outside her car and I could have easily gotten in and asked her to leave everything behind. Run away. But I knew it wasn't the right thing to do." Emily continued. "I said goodbye to you that day. The night you showed up at my door I said goodbye to you because I wanted to give my heart to her." She admitted despite knowing her words were hurting Jai. "I knew I was falling for her. But then you came back and I saw her cry. That's why I was so upset when I came back to the restaurant. I made her cry. I never wanted to see her cry." Emily said before wiping a tear that rolled down her cheek. "I didn't stand there long enough for her to see me." She continued. "I was going to tell her I wanted to commit to her but I ended up breaking her heart instead because I had to come back to you."

"Why?" Jai repeated. "Why did you come back? Why stay with me all this time?"

"Because we're still together." Emily replied. "It was the right thing to do. You were alive and the whole time I was cheating on you. I had to do the right thing. I had to make things right. It was a chance to continue the future we planned before we thought you died."

"Those were your only reasons? Em, we've been together for more than three years." Jai reminded the girl. "I'd like to think I meant more to you than a solution to ease the guilt you felt."

"Of course I still loved you." Emily reassured the girl. "Seeing you again, being with you... felt familiar. I missed feeling that way."

"Yeah. Up until you realized we're not the same people and we've changed so much that who you wanted to be with wasn't me anymore." Jai supplied, unable to hide the bitterness she felt.

"I'm sorry." Emily uttered sincerely. "I really wanted to make things work between us but I can't pretend anymore."

"And it took you this long to figure that out? You've known all along. It's only because you were too scared of how different things are with her that's why you stayed. Because I was the safe choice." Jai concluded. "What, that's not enough for you anymore?"

"No." Emily answered, shaking her head. "It wasn't like that. It's just that for so long I was used to being dependent on you and I wasn't ready to let that go." She confessed. "I didn't realize it until I was with Paige but I felt like you were always the one taking care of me."

Jai's brows creased. "What's wrong with that? I love you. I think it's only right that I take care of you." She pointed out.

"And you did. You took really good care of me. But I loved you, too." Emily reminded the girl. "So why can't I do the same for you? Why won't you let me take care of you?"

"What are you talking about? I let you take care of me." Jai argued.

"Not really. I can't even help you. You always turn me down when I offer to help with small things like your homework or with personal stuff." Emily pointed out.

"Because I can do it on my own." Jai replied. "I don't want you worrying too much about those things. I don't need your help when it comes to that."

"Well I can do things on my own, too. But letting you help me is my way of showing you that I need you." Emily explained.

"So this is what it's all about? She made you feel needed while I didn't. You think I don't need you in my life?" Jai asked incredulously.

"I think you got so used to taking care of everyone else and being so independent that even with me you can't let your guard down." Emily explained. "I'm not your sister. Or your dad. Or your best friend. I was supposed to be your girlfriend. We were in a relationship, planning a future together. You shouldn't be the one taking care of me all the time. I should be able to do that for you, too. But for some reason you won't let me."

"I do need you, Em." Jai insisted. "Now more than ever."

"So you can add one more person in your list of people to take care of?" Emily asked before she could stop herself.

"That's not fair." Jai shot back, hurt.

"I know. I'm sorry. I'm just trying to be honest." Emily replied. "I thought that's what I wanted. For a while I liked feeling that way. When we were in high school I liked the attention you kept giving me. But being with Paige, being able to take care of her, letting me help her, I realized that's what I want in a relationship." She confessed. "I'm not saying that what we had was wrong. Or that you're the problem or that I'm the problem. I just don't think I'm the girl you should be with because I don't want to be treated that way. I want to be able to feel that I'm needed. That I have something to offer in the relationship, too."

"I'm sorry you felt that way. That I made you feel that way. Because the truth is I do need you." Jai uttered emotionally. "Please don't do this." She asked, reaching for the girl's hand.

Emily's eyes welled up, the feel of Jai's hand in hers bringing back memories. "Jai... I'm sorry." She said as she slowly pulled her hand away. Her mind was made up. "I can't."

Jai numbly stared at her hand, her throat constricting. Not trusting herself to say anything else without breaking down, she slowly got up and headed for the door to open it.

Emily understood what the girl was asking so she got up and walked over to Jai. "I'm really sorry." She whispered when she was standing close enough, not knowing what else to say.

Ten Years Ago...

"You know, for a smart person, this has got to be your worst idea." Paige commented as she plopped down in the middle of the tent. "Who goes camping without knowing how to start a fire?"

Jai wiped her forehead with the back of her hand and gave her best friend a sheepish grin. "I swear I watched Ria start a fire ten times." She insisted. "I even asked her to tell me what she's doing so I get to memorize it."

"Yeah, well, starting a fire and just watching someone start it are two completely different things. I can't believe I said yes to go camping with you." Paige said with a frown. "Please tell me you brought matches?"

Jai bit her bottom lip. "I was sure I knew what to do with just sticks and stones—"

Paige's jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me?! We're going to freeze to death here!" She yelled.

"I'm sorry!" Jai exclaimed. "Okay, so going camping on my birthday is my worst idea ever. I just wanted to do something different this year." She admitted. "I'll call my dad and ask him to come get us."

Paige stared at the forlorn expression on the girl's face and sighed. "Don't do that. Let's just wear all our clothes so we don't get cold." She suggested.

"Yeah! We can do that!" Jai agreed enthusiastically.

"And I guess we'll just stuff our faces with these." Paige continued, lifting a bag of white, fluffy marshmallows lying on the ground next to her. "We can't exactly make s'mores without a fire."

Jai's face fell. "Actually, we can't eat anything else without a fire." She confessed before her gaze drifted to the bag on one corner of the tent that was full of canned goods.

"Not true. We have a half-eaten box of oatmeal raisin cookies, leftover chips, and a chicken sandwich we can split in half." Paige offered as she took out the contents of her overnight bag one by one.

"That sounds perfect." Jai said with a smile.

"Here." Paige uttered, handing half of her sandwich to Jai then spreading the chips and cookies on a paper plate between them.

"Thanks." Jai said as she accepted the sandwich. "And not just for this." She continued, gesturing to the food. "Thanks for agreeing to go camping with me on my birthday. I know I screwed up but I hope we can do this every year. Either on your birthday or mine."

"Let's see how the rest of the night goes first." Paige answered before taking a bite off her sandwich. "What made you want to go camping anyway?" She asked, looking at her friend curiously.

Jai shrugged. "I just wanted to do something different this year. I'm tired of lavish birthday parties where I don't know half of the people in attendance. It's just my father's way of bringing his work home." She explained, taking a chip and munching on it.

"Too bad. I was really looking forward to attending your party tomorrow." Paige admitted. "I guess it's cancelled."

"Oh that party is still happening." Jai reassured her friend. "I tried asking him not to throw a party this year but he said it's necessary. People are expecting one." She added with a frown. "He let me go camping with you on the condition that we throw that party tomorrow."

"Wow. For someone really popular in school you sure hate the limelight." Paige commented.

"I used to love it. But after two or three years of blowing candles surrounded by strangers while your dad was off somewhere in the house talking business... it kinda gets old." Jai said with a wry smile.

"At least you got to celebrate it with other people. My parents never threw me a birthday party. My dad likes to keep things small and intimate when it comes to special occasions and now with my mom gone... let's just say he's going to remember my birthday as the day my mom walked out on us." Paige finished miserably.

"How is he?" Jai asked.

Paige sighed. "Could be better. He's still looking for mom." She admitted.

"That's good. That means he still loves her." Jai reassured her friend.

"Yeah but if my mom left maybe she doesn't love him. Or me." Paige added in a small voice.

"Don't say that!" Jai chastised. "She loves both of you. Maybe she just needs time."

Paige glanced at her bag and pushed back inside a piece of paper she noticed was sticking out. "Yeah. That's probably it." She said, trying to keep her tone light.

"You're still keeping that note?" Jai asked when she saw the paper as well.

Paige nodded. "It's the last thing I have of her from that day." She admitted. "I still can't believe I'm that kid with no mom."

"Welcome to the club." Jai commented wryly.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that." Paige hurriedly said.

Jai shook her head. "It's fine. Us single-parent kids need to stick together." She said with a smile. "Hey. Wanna play a game?" She asked to lift the mood.

"Sure. What do you have in mind?" Paige asked in reply before taking another bite off her sandwich.

"Anywhere but here." Jai answered, her blue eyes twinkling.

Paige's brows creased. "Anywhere but here?" She repeated. "What's that?"

"It's like playing dress up but with your life. If you could be anywhere but here, where would you be?" Jai explained as she munched on another chip.

"O-kaaay." Paige uttered slowly, her mind trying to process what the girl said. "Like… I want to be an astronaut?"

"Yeah! But we get to provide more detail. Like... you're an astronaut on your third mission to the moon. But you've been tasked by the President to go on this mission because you're our last hope. Something like that." Jai explained eagerly. "Still want to play?"

Paige nodded. "Sounds fun. But you should go first so I get to have a clearer idea." She suggested.

"Okay. Let's see… if I could be anywhere but here..." Jai paused as she thought of a scenario. "I would be... a nature photographer roughing it out in the wild. I would go on hikes in the morning and sleep under the stars at night. Just me, my camera, and mother nature." She continued, her mind starting to drift as she imagined herself in some forest.

"That sounds cool. Do you have a name?" Paige asked curiously. "You can't still be Jasmine. That's a different life you're imagining."

"Hmm... you're right." Jai said, nodding her head in agreement. "Let's see... I'm a nature photographer who goes by the name... Stella. No, scratch that. Stefanie Grant. Stef Grant."

Two Months Ago...

Jai struggled to loosen Paige's grip on her but the girl won't let go. Tonight just wasn't her night. She was still reeling from Emily ending things between them and now the reason for their breakup is practically strangling her to death.

"Was there any truth to the things you said since you came back?" Paige asked in a low voice, confusing Jai.

"What the hell? Let me go! You're hurting me!" Jai yelled, trying to fight off Paige but the girl wouldn't budge. What's the matter with her?!

"Tell me you didn't risk your relationship with Emily to play house with Ria for a year." Paige continued accusingly while barely controlling her anger. "You've been lying to everyone all this time. Because you were never in a coma. You were never even in that plane were you? Stef."

Jai's eyes widened in fear and she opened her mouth to try to explain herself just as a pair of headlights flashed across the window, blinding them both momentarily. Taking advantage of Paige's distraction, Jai pushed the girl away and rubbed her neck gingerly, her mind racing. Her dad and sister were probably asleep already but she didn't want to take the chance so she stepped outside to continue their conversation and closed the door behind her when Paige followed.

"How?" Jai began hoarsely.

"You think I wouldn't figure it out?" Paige asked, ignoring the girl's question. "Our first camping trip. We played a game, remember? Anywhere but here. And you said you wanted to be a nature photographer who goes by the name Stefanie Grant. Stef Grant." She emphasized. "So imagine my surprise when my ex told me that she spent all this time backpacking across Europe with some girl named Stef Grant. That's some weird coincidence, don't you think? Considering you said you were in a coma for almost a year!"

"Paige... let me explain." Jai pleaded, extending her arms to calm down the girl.

"Yeah. You better. Because right now the only explanation I can think of is you led everyone to believe you died and started a life with Ria." Paige said, her hands balled tightly into fists.

"Whoa. You're projecting. Unlike you, Paige, I didn't fuck the girl I was spending time with." Jai spat back angrily. "You're the one who played house with my girlfriend when I was out of the picture. You took over my life."

Paige took a step back and glared at the girl. "I didn't take over your life, Jai. The last thing I wanted was to be your substitute for the people you left behind because you were too busy playing house with Ria!"

"Again. Ria is just a friend. I would never cheat on Emily." Jai insisted.

"Then explain to me why you lied to everyone all this time. What were you doing?" Paige challenged.

Jai looked away, ashamed. "Escaping." She finally confessed.

"What?" Paige asked, not sure she heard the girl right.

"I wanted to leave everything behind." Jai clarified.

"What? Why?" Paige asked, confused.

"I was suffocating and I wanted out. It felt like I was going to have a meltdown any minute. I was standing in that airport and I felt terrified of going home. I wasn't excited. I was terrified. Because once I get back here I was the perfect everything again and I was tired of it. I was tired of my life." Jai confessed.

"So, what, you thought leading us to believe that you died was the way to go about changing it?" Paige asked incredulously. "How did you manage to pull it off anyway?"

"With Ria's help." Jai revealed. "She's been asking me to backpack across Europe with her but I kept saying no until she caught up to me at the airport to see me off…"

Thirteen Months Ago...

Jai rubbed the side of her face nervously as she stood in a relatively quiet corner of the airport, waiting for Emily to answer her call. She wanted to wait until she was back in Rosewood to talk to her girlfriend about what's been going through her mind lately but she couldn't bring herself to board that plane and arrive home feeling like this.

"Hey, love." Jai uttered in greeting before her girlfriend could say anything.

"Hey!" Emily exclaimed, the eagerness in the girl's voice somewhat calming Jai's nerves.

"I'm just calling to check on you before I board my flight." Jai explained as she glanced at the hustle and bustle behind her.

"You're really coming home tonight?" Emily asked.

"Yeah. I am." Jai answered before taking a deep breath.

"I can't wait to see you. I miss you so much." Emily admitted.

Jai felt her throat constrict. "I miss you, too." She said softly. Jai then bit her bottom lip as she thought about what to say next. "Hey, Em..."

"Yeah?" Emily uttered, waiting for her to continue.

"When I get back... we need to talk about some things." Jai finished. Call her chicken but she realized she can't possibly have this conversation with her girlfriend over the phone. "About our future. We need to make some changes." She clarified.

"That sounds bad." Emily said and Jai could hear the nervousness in the girl's voice. "Like breaking up bad."

"No." Jai hurriedly corrected, her eyes growing wide. "No, we're not breaking up." She reassured her girlfriend. "I just think we need to make some changes about what we want in life. What I want in life."

"But... I'm still a part of that life, right?" Emily asked, her voice hoarse.

"Yeah. You're still the girl I want to have a future with, Em." Jai promised. "But I want to make some changes. We'll talk about it some more when I get back. Okay?"

"Okay." Emily repeated.

Jai took a deep breath. "I have to go. My plane's boarding." She said reluctantly when she heard her flight being called over the PA system. "I love you."

"I love you, too." Emily replied earnestly.

Jai hesitated, though only for a second, before ending the call and turning around to head back to her seat so she could grab her things and board the plane.

"Jazz!" The sound of her nickname made Jai stop in her tracks and she looked around, trying to find the person who called out to her.

"Ria? What are you doing here?" Jai asked when her friend was standing in front of her. "I thought you already left?"

"I was about to, but I can't let you leave without asking you something." Ria replied.

Jai's brows creased. "Okay. Ask away. But make it quick. My plane's boarding." She told the girl, gesturing to the line a few steps away from them.

"Last chance." Ria stated.

"What?" Jai asked, confused. "How is that a question?"

"I'm giving you one last chance to take me up on my offer." Ria clarified. "Don't board that plane. Come with me."

"And what? Just go backpacking across the world?" Jai asked sarcastically.

"Well... Europe first. Then we'll see." Ria answered. "Go backpacking with me for a year. Just for a year, Jazz."

"I can't. I need to go back to Rosewood." Jai said, running a hand through her hair wearily.

"But you don't want to." Ria guessed. "Jai, out of all the people in this airport, your face is the saddest. You're going home. Back to your family, friends, and your girlfriend. You should be excited. So why aren't you?"

"Because I feel like I'm burned out." Jai finally confessed.

"That's what I thought." Ria said knowingly. "Look. I'm not saying you should go backpacking around the world with me because that's going to solve your problem. I just think you need to take a step back from your life in Rosewood so you can figure out what it is you really want. See what the world has to offer."

Jai gave her friend a wry smile. "Thanks... but I can't do that." She said just as a woman's voice came on the PA system for a final call of her flight.

"Yes you can. You're just scared." Ria argued. "Have a safe flight, Jazz. E-mail me or something when you get home." She said, not bothering to hide her disappointment as she turned to leave.

Jai sighed and stared at the handful of people boarding the same flight as hers. This is it. Once you board that plane and return to your life there's no turning back. Jai thought, feeling panicked. You're back to being the responsible, put-together girl everyone depended on and looked up to. Jasmine Hayes. Perfect. The word was like a ball and chain and she felt suffocated just thinking about it.

"Wait!" Jai called out to her friend. "Let me get my things." She continued, walking over to the seat where she left her carry-on before she stepped away to call Emily.

"What's wrong?" Ria asked when she saw the girl stop in her tracks.

"It's gone." Jai uttered, more to herself than to answer her friend's question. She then looked around as if trying to find someone.

"What's gone?" Ria asked as she walked over to the girl.

"My bag. I left it right here." Jai said, pointing to a chair in front of her. "There was an old woman sitting next to me earlier. I needed to make a call so I asked her to look after my bag."

Ria's eyes widened in alarm. "Crap! You think she took it?" She asked, looking around as well.

Jai shrugged helplessly then sat on the chair. "I don't know. Maybe. Or maybe she left when she had to board her plane and someone else took it. Ugh, I'm so stupid!" She exclaimed, cradling her head in her hands. "I can't go anywhere, Ria. My passport is in there. So is my wallet which means I have no ID and no money."

"I can easily lend you some money. And I think I may know someone who can give you a fake ID that seems genuine enough." Ria offered. "As for the passport... my mom lost hers once and she just applied for a new one. Come on. Let's take care of that one first."

Jai looked up. "Yeah. But I should probably make some calls first. Tell them I'm not going home just yet." She said, seemingly in a daze.

"Of course. Here." Ria offered and handed the girl her mobile phone.

Jai shook her head. "Thanks but I have mine." She replied, showing her phone to her friend. "Good thing I called Emily using this."

"Do you want some privacy?" Ria asked. "I can go somewhere else."

"Yeah. Thanks." Jai said as her thumb hovered above the call button. "Wait. What do I say?" She asked, looking up at her friend with a terrified expression.

Two Months Ago...

"Okay. So you couldn't bring yourself to make the call then. What about when the news about the plane crash broke out?" Paige asked, incredulous. "Why didn't you even bother calling me, your dad, your sister, or your girlfriend who was so grief stricken when I told her about it?!"

Jai kept her eyes on the ground. "Because I still haven't found the courage to call and tell you about my decision when I saw the news." She confessed. "I was sitting in a motel room when the news came on and I took it as a sign. It was the universe's way of giving me an out. It was my chance to start over. Leave my old life behind. I didn't have to make that call if everyone thought I died in that plane crash."

"So that story about waking up in Maine. Was that a lie too?" Paige asked, furious.

"Mostly." Jai admitted. "After I called Emily the night of her birthday, I told Ria I wanted to go home. We knew where the plane crashed and West Quoddy was a plausible place to drift so Ria called a cousin of hers who lives in Lubec and asked if we could stay with her for a while. She was kind enough to accommodate us."

"But you said your dad picked you up from the hospital." Paige reminded the girl.

"He did. Ria's cousin is a doctor there and she agreed to help me when I told her the truth." Jai explained.

Paige scoffed. "That's nice. You could be honest to a stranger but not to us." She commented then pushed Jai angrily. "Why didn't you just tell us how you were feeling?! Why run away?!" She asked, her hands balling tightly into fists again.

"Because I don't want you to look at me the way you are now. With disappointment." Jai answered.

"Well what did you expect?! How else should I be looking at you?" Paige asked, exasperated. "Did you even think about what you put Emily through? You two made plans for your future then you just abandoned her! You shouldn't have left for London in the first place! You should've gone to an internship closer to home but you kept insisting it's what's best for you and Emily's future."

"I never said that." Jai argued. "I didn't go to London for her, I went there for you. I wanted to save you!"

Paige's eyes blazed. "Are you serious? You don't get to blame me for your decision, Jai. What I needed was a friend. Not another shrink." She told the girl curtly.

"I know. I get that now. I'm sorry for everything." Jai uttered sincerely.

"I wish it was that easy. But that's not enough." Paige said, her voice firm. "You need to tell Emily. Your dad. Kayla."

Jai shook her head. "I can't." She replied.

"You have to. You need to start owing up to your mistakes. You made me and Emily feel guilty for falling for each other. For moving on. All this time you made us feel like we committed a sin. You played the part of the victim when the truth was your cowardice kept you from coming back into our lives." Paige said, walking toward the girl purposefully. "Your actions and decisions are to blame here as well. Don't put this all on us. You're no victim. We were. And I'm not sure I can ever forgive you for what you did."

"Don't say that." Jai pleaded. "We can fix this."

"Tell everyone the truth or I will." Paige warned in a low voice. "They deserve to know what you've been up to all this time."

"Wow." Spencer repeated, her mind still trying to process everything that Emily just said to her.

It was the day after Jai's birthday party and the two girls were having breakfast at Emily's house. Spencer got a wake up call thirty minutes ago from the girl, asking her to come over for breakfast and while she wanted to protest, something about Emily's voice made her bolt out of bed and race to the girl's house. She found her friend seated on one of the chairs in the island counter, staring blankly into space with a cup of coffee in front of her. Emily probably didn't even hear her knock and the only time her friend blinked was when she took a sip from the girl's already lukewarm beverage.

"Say something else." Emily said, looking at her friend with her brows creased.

Spencer raised her hands helplessly. "Uh... what do you plan to do next?" She asked.

"I don't know." Emily replied, sighing. That's the last question she wanted to answer right now.

"What do you mean you don't know? Get your ass over to Paige's house and tell her about the breakup!" Spencer said like it was the most logical thing to do.

Emily shook her head. "No. I'm not gonna do that. I mean, at least not right now." She clarified. "I pretty much screwed up her life the past year. I don't want to do that again."

"Em, that's just the guilt speaking." Spencer pointed out. "You said so yourself. You're in love with her best friend."

"Yeah. And I can't be with Jai if that's the way I feel. But that doesn't mean I'm going to jump into a relationship with Paige." Emily argued. "She told me it hurt too much so she's giving up and I can't blame her. I've been all over the place ever since Jai came back. Maybe even before that. Respecting Paige's decision is the least I can do."

"O-kay. So... when are you going to tell her then?" Spencer asked.

"I don't know." Emily confessed. "I want to make things right first. And I guess I should tell Hanna and Aria as well."

"About time!" Spencer exclaimed. "Come on. Let's meet them for brunch. I can't wait to see their reactions. Especially Hanna's since I distinctly remember her comment that Paige was your mystery girl all along."

"Was." Emily repeated glumly. "You got that right."

"Hey." Spencer uttered, getting up and walking over to her friend. "Just take things one at a time. And no matter what happens, you know we're here for you."

"Wow." Reese repeated, her mind still trying to process everything that Paige just said to her. "That's cruel. I'm sorry. I know she's your best friend but what she did was just cruel."

"Hey I'm with you." Paige said in agreement. "I was this close to returning the split lip she gave me when she found out I slept with Kayla." She continued, moving her thumb and pointer finger close to each other. "But I didn't want to risk injuring my newly healed arm."

"You should've asked me to come over. I have a pretty mean uppercut." Reese told the girl confidently. "Although I still can't believe you slept with her sister." She added, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Stop it." Paige warned. "I still regret what happened that night. Even if Jai overreacted." She added edgily. "My point is, I want to be mad at her. I am mad. But I can't help but feel like it's partly my fault why she felt the need to run away."

"Hey. Nobody asked her to be little miss perfect." Reese reminded her friend.

"I know. But she lost her mom at a young age and since then she felt she needed to save everyone she cares about." Paige explained. "That is, up until she realized she wasn't pursuing her dreams and she felt like she let down everyone. I guess it was just too much."

"Still doesn't justify what she did. She lied to everyone for a year." Reese reminded the girl. "Are you really going to tell Emily?"

Paige frowned. "Emily deserves to know." She rationalized.

"But?" Reese prodded.

"It shouldn't come from me." Paige admitted. "Jai has issues with both me and Emily that she needs to fix. The last thing I want to do is to meddle in their relationship." She explained, sighing. "And I'd be lying if I say that I have the best of intentions if I tell Emily. I know I said I'm letting her go but that small, selfish part of me knows I'm doing it for myself. I don't want to be that person."

"You might hate me for saying this but Jai doesn't deserve a friend like you." Reese commented wryly.

"It's definitely not Jai's shining moment but up until she did that she was the most selfless person I know." Paige defended. "I guess she just... lost her way."

"So I take it you're still friends?" Reese asked.

"It'll take me some time to forgive her but I'm not turning my back on her." Paige replied. "She chose to run away because she thought we couldn't accept her imperfections. I want to prove her wrong."

"I am sooo sorry." Ria uttered profusely. "I didn't know Paige was going to figure it out."

"She's my best friend, Ria. She was the only person I told that name to." Jai said with a wry smile. "But don't apologize. You said it yourself. I could only keep up the charade for so long."

"I didn't want to be right." Ria corrected.

"I should've listened to you and told them sooner." Jai admitted. "Paige may never forgive me but it felt good to tell her the truth. To show her the crack on my seemingly perfect façade."

"What are you going to do next?" Ria asked, taking a seat on the girl's bed.

Jai shrugged. "It's game over. I know Paige won't go through with telling Emily the truth. She's not horrible like me. But she's right. Emily, my dad, and Kayla all deserve to know the truth." She admitted while toying with the pendant on her necklace. "I guess I have to find a way to tell them soon."

"Hey. Is that the necklace you wore in London? The one Emily lent you?" Ria asked, her eyes on the girl's neck.

Jai nodded. "Yup. It is." She replied.

"How did you get it back? You weren't wearing it at the airport." Ria reminded her friend.

"I know. I was surprised as well when Emily gave it to me." Jai admitted. "Either that old woman I asked to watch my things really took my bag or she figured she'd return it to me once we're on the plane. Regardless, she was on the plane that crashed. Emily said my dad gave back the necklace to her. They recovered some of the passengers' belongings and returned it to the families."

"Wow. That's incredible." Ria commented, eyes wide.

"I know." Jai uttered in agreement. "Maybe it's a sign that I should return it to Emily properly."

"When do you plan on telling her?" Ria asked, her tone worried.

Jai sighed. "I need to fix things with Paige first." She replied. "But I'm pretty sure my chances of getting back together with Emily once she finds out is slim to none."

"I'm sorry about that too. How are you holding up?" Ria gently asked.

"Well you're the first person I told and saying it out loud is hard. So I'm pretty much still in denial." Jai answered, taking out her phone when she felt it vibrate. "Emily in love with Paige. Who would've thought?"

"I'm staying out of that one." Ria said, arms raised. "I'm not taking sides."

"Relax. I'm not asking you to." Jai told the girl wryly. "I'll talk to you later. I have to go meet Emily." She explained, pocketing her phone as she got up. "Dinner?"

"Sure. I'm going to see Paige anyway." Ria divulged. "I hope she listens to me."

"Sorry I dragged you into this." Jai said apologetically.

"Hey. I made the decision to keep your secret. Don't blame yourself." Ria consoled.

"I know I probably used up all my favors but... I was hoping you won't tell Paige about me and Emily?" Jai asked.

Ria nodded. "Of course. It's not my place. I'm staying out of that messy love triangle." She promised.

"It's not messy." Jai corrected. "It's just... complicated. At least it used to be."

Paige took another look around her apartment just to make sure she wasn't forgetting anything. Satisfied she has everything she needed for the day, Paige reached for the door handle but before she could turn it, there was a hesitant knock from the other side of the door and she opened it without checking first to see who it was.

"Hey." Ria uttered in greeting. "Did I catch you at a bad time?" She asked hesitantly.

Paige's surprised expression quickly turned grim. "Yeah. I have to get to a class." She replied, her tone a little curt. "But I think I'll just skip it."

"Please hear me out." Ria begged and quickly stopped the girl from closing the door on her face. "Just five minutes. Please?" She repeated, almost pleading. "Thank you." Ria uttered when Paige finally stepped aside to let her in.

"That's the last thing I want to hear from you." Paige said, trying to control her anger. "How could you lie to me for a year?!"

"I'm sorry." Ria began. "I didn't want to lie to your face but I promised Jai I wouldn't say anything. I didn't have a choice."

Paige scoffed. "That's convenient. Why did you even tell her to leave everything behind?!" She asked angrily. "If it wasn't for you she wouldn't have ran away!"

Ria stared at Paige in disbelief. "Are you being serious right now? Jai's a big girl. She's old enough to make decisions. I didn't twist her arm to come with me." She reminded the girl.

"But you planted the idea in her head that she could run away from everything, Ria. You didn't have to give her that speech about seeing what the world has to offer! You made her take the easy way out. Because that's what you're good at. Running away." Paige finished before she could stop herself.

"Wow." Ria uttered. "How long has it been? Six years? And here I thought you understood. But all this time you've been mad at me. This isn't about me keeping Jai's secret at all. This is because you still can't forgive me for what I did."

"What did you expect? I loved you. You were my first love and you left me." Paige reminded the girl.

"And you were mine." Ria answered. "But I was twelve. We were twelve. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't take care of you. I could barely take care of myself."

"So your solution was to cheat?!" Paige asked incredulously. "You should've just broken up with me! You're a coward!"

"Yeah. I am." Ria admitted. "And I'm sorry for that. I didn't mean to hurt you. It probably doesn't mean much or anything to you but after we broke up... it was hard for me too. But what happened between us isn't the issue."

"Yeah. It's Jai's deception all this time." Paige answered.

Ria sighed. "Look. I'm not proud of what I did. For being a part of this. But it hasn't been easy for Jai either." She revealed. "You think she enjoyed being around everyone and keeping up her perfect façade all because she's terrified to show you how uncertain and imperfect she is?"

"That's bull. She didn't have to be perfect. Not to us." Paige argued.

Ria let out a short laugh. "Really? So you never told her that she's amazing for knowing what she wants? Not even once did you or Emily or her family think that Jai could do no wrong?" She challenged. "I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. Nor am I saying that what Jai did was perfectly excusable. I'm just saying that her life here finally took its toll on her when she was in London and she felt trapped."

"And she told you this." Paige stated.

"She didn't have to. I saw it." Ria answered. "Ever since we came back I've been calling her every night just to see how she's doing. We would have dinner and she would open up to me since she felt that it was the only time she could be herself and while I kept telling her to come clean to her family and friends, I understood her fear. So, I chose to be her confidante instead."

"And hoped that maybe someday she would notice you." Paige guessed.

"I never tried anything!" Ria hurriedly said.

"Really? You kissed her on my birthday when we were playing truth or dare. You were probably too drunk to remember." Paige continued.

"Oh, no, I remember that night. I kissed her... and I kissed you." Ria pointed out.

"Yeah but you don't have feelings for me. At least not anymore." Paige added.

"Still. It wasn't like I did it to cause a rift between her and Emily. Like you said, I was drunk. And I apologized to Jai several times for that." Ria revealed. "You should've seen her face. It was like the thought of there being something between us was a hoot."

"When did it start?" Paige asked, unable to help but feel sad for the girl. Being in love with someone you can't have was an all too familiar feeling. "Your feelings for Jai."

Ria shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just realized it when we spent time together out in the wilderness." She confessed. "While she was pressured to keep up appearances here, I saw the real Jai out there. She was true to herself when we were together and I thought that meant something more but obviously she just considered me a true friend."

"I guess you don't know Jai that well if you don't know how much she loves Emily." Paige commented. "If you came back to follow her, you're just wasting your time. It will always be Emily for her and Emily isn't the kind of girl you just get over."

"You don't have to tell me that. I realized that when I saw them together. And obviously you're still hung up on her. I guess I just had to try." Ria confessed.

"Like I said. It's a complete waste of time. You came back for Jai but she came back for Emily." Paige reminded the girl. "You should've figured that out by now."

"Wait. You think Jai came back because of Emily?" Ria asked wryly. "Yeah she came back partly because of her girlfriend. But she was more concerned about you. The night she came back to Rosewood she went to your house first but you weren't there so she went to Emily's instead."

Ria checked the time on her watch. "Sorry if I took up more than five minutes of your time. I just really needed to talk to you. Please give Jai a chance to fix things." She begged. "I know you're mad at us but you've always been the one with the big heart. I've always loved that about you. Even if you can't forgive me, I hope you can find it in your heart to give her a second chance."

Jai let out a deep breath as she nervously waited for Emily to meet her at the quad. She looked around, trying to pretend she was calm as she waited for the girl to show up. She agreed to meet Emily after the girl's three o'clock class but she was getting antsy and couldn't think of anything else to do so she headed for the quad right after she left her room. She was saved from looking around again for any sign of Emily when she felt her phone vibrate so she took it out, expecting to receive a message from the girl telling her she couldn't make it. Jai felt her mouth go dry as she read the message from Paige, asking to meet her at the track later. Her thumbs hovered on the screen of her phone until she finally shakily typed a reply before returning her phone in her pocket. She looked up just in time to see Emily break into a jog when their eyes met and she got up, her pulse racing. It was amazing how much Emily affected her. It's been six years since she first laid eyes on the girl but Emily still made her insides melt.

"Sorry I'm late. Our lecture ran long." Emily explained when she got to where Jai was. "Have you been waiting long?"

Jai fought the urge to lean forward and greet the girl with a kiss on the cheek and instead shook her head. "Nope. I just got here." She lied. "What did you want to talk about?" Jai asked as she took a seat across the girl.

"I wanted to say sorry. For the way I ended things on your birthday." Emily began.

"Yeah I'm not gonna lie, that was the worst birthday I had." Jai replied, deliberately not telling the girl what happened after.

"I know. That wasn't how I wanted to end things between us." Emily continued.

"Oh." Jai uttered. "I thought you were maybe having second thoughts and wanted to get back together. That's why you asked to meet today." She confessed with a sad smile.

Emily shook her head. "Sorry. I... it's still Paige." She said, looking away.

Jai exhaled. "I know this is going to hurt but I just have to know... why her?" She asked.

Emily raised her hands helplessly as she tried to explain how she felt. "I don't know. I guess even if she's always been there... she's never been really there for me up until you left and it just made... sense." She replied, knowing it probably didn't answer the girl's question. "Being with Paige was the only thing that made sense after you left."

"You mean after I died." Jai clarified.

"No. After you left." Emily reiterated. "I'm not saying I fell for her when you were in London." She hurriedly said. "I'm saying she stepped up while you were away and I got a glimpse of the person you kept insisting she is."

"And?" Jai prodded.

"I really liked it." Emily confessed. "You two are just so different—"

"Not really." Jai interjected. "You've always wondered what she and I have in common. I guess now I can say take a good look in the mirror." She told the girl meaningfully.

"Jai..." Emily began, trying to work up the courage to say the next words. "I know it's going to hurt... and it'll probably be weird. But the reason I asked to meet with you is because..."

"You want to ask me if you can be with her." Jai guessed, the words leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. She still can't believe this is happening. "You don't have to do that. We both know you don't need my permission."

"Still... I don't want to come between your friendship." Emily explained.

Jai scoffed. "It's a little too late for that, don't you think?" She asked, struggling to keep the bitterness out of her voice. "You can't expect things between me and Paige to stay the same after everything that's happened. But we'll always be friends. At least I hope so."

Emily's brows creased. "What do you mean?" She asked.

Jai ran a hand through her hair warily. "I need to tell you something but this isn't the place." She answered, getting up. "I have to go. Maybe we can talk some other time?"

"Yeah. Of course." Emily agreed as she got up as well. "Hey Jai?" She uttered before the girl could leave. "Don't tell Paige? I want to be the one to tell her."

"Trust me. I'm the last person to tell my best friend we're over." Jai reassured Emily before leaving.

Paige slowed down her pace as she crossed the finish line in Franklin Field, glad to finally be back to training. With the WTS just a few weeks away, she needed to get back in shape. Her arm still hurt but unlike after the accident, it was manageable. She could just shrug off the pain and deal with it later. Deciding to take a break, Paige made her way toward the sidelines while massaging her left shoulder. Her eyes caught movement a little to her left but she ignored it and reached for her water bottle to take a drink.

"I'm no doctor but you should probably go easy on the arm." Jai said in greeting once she was near enough to be heard.

"I can take the pain." Paige answered dismissively.

"Right." Jai uttered as she shifted her weight to her other foot. "I can come back when you're done training." She offered.

Paige shook her head. "No. I'm taking a break." She replied as she took a seat on the grass.

When the girl didn't say anything else, Jai decided to settle next to her friend. "You looked great out there." She commented after a beat.

"I'm out of shape. But thanks." Paige said, trying to take the edge out of her tone.

"I meant considering..." Jai trailed off. "Anyway, why did you ask to meet?"

"I talked to Ria earlier." Paige began. "She said you came back because of me. Is that true?" She asked, glancing at the girl. "You know what? It doesn't matter." Paige continued before Jai could reply. "You two planned this entire thing. Who's to say she's not just trying to cover your ass?"

"She's not." Jai stated firmly. "Don't blame her. I'm the one at fault. It was my decision to fake my death and lie to everyone. The only mistake Ria did was to help out a friend."

"Why did you really come back?" Paige asked edgily.

"Because I realized what I did didn't solve things." Jai confessed. "It was a temporary solution to my predicament and I missed everyone. Especially you." She added, looking at Paige earnestly. "I know you're furious. But I'm really sorry. You're right. I'm a liar and a coward for running away instead of facing my problems."

"Do you remember that one conversation we had when you were in London?" Paige asked, glancing at her friend. "It was the day after Emily's birthday and you reprimanded me for scolding her about that girl who was trying to invite her to a party."

Jai's brows furrowed. "Um... I guess. What about it?" She asked.

"When I asked how the internship was going, I heard something in your voice." Paige explained. "I couldn't put my finger on it back then but now I realize what it was. It was fear."

Jai sighed. "The truth was, even before I left for London I was already having second thoughts." She admitted. "I wanted to back out of that internship after our talk. A part of me wanted to stay for Emily. But a bigger part of me had to go. For you."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Paige asked, frustrated. "What do I have to do with that internship? You're making it sound like this is my fault."

"I'm not." Jai said and shook her head firmly. "Going to London was my decision. But my reasons for doing it weren't for me and I realized that too late." She admitted. "My dad brought it up years ago and suggested I apply before college so I did it. Then I met you and I thought to myself she's another reason, so I did my best to get accepted."

"But you said you were tempted to stay. What made you change your mind?" Paige asked.

"The conversation we had the day I found out I got in." Jai replied. "What you said that day... about wanting to commit to someone, made me change my mind. I wanted to be able to do that for you. I heard it in your voice. The loneliness. I wanted you to experience what I had with Emily. Have." She hurriedly corrected. "I figured I would be of more help to you if I went through with the internship. That's why I still chose to go. I wanted to become a doctor for you. To save you. To find a cure for you. But when I was in London I began to hate it. Without that goal, that dream, I felt like I had no reason to come back."

"No reason? What do you call me? What do you call your girlfriend? Your sister? Your dad?" Paige enumerated. "Aren't we reason enough?" She asked, hurt. "I didn't need you to save me by finding a cure, Jai. I needed you to be around. That's all." Paige told the girl. "Being in my life made everything better. I wasn't expecting you to find a cure for me. I just needed to know that I could count on you no matter what. That you would always be there even when things were getting hard. I needed a friend. Not another doctor." She repeated.

"At the time, the only way I knew how to be a true friend to you was to be a doctor." Jai explained. "My dreams and goals were connected to all of you. And I couldn't face the reality that I didn't want to be a doctor anymore. I couldn't face you. I felt like I failed you." She said, her voice breaking. "When I was in London I felt like I was on the verge of failing. You don't know how terrified I am of that day coming." Jai continued, wringing her hands. "I was at the top. And when you're there, you know that the only way to go is down. I didn't want that."

"You're scared of failing. In the eyes of Emily." Paige added, her tone disbelieving.

"Not just her. My dad, Kayla. Especially you." Jai clarified.

"You left everything behind because you were scared of failing? You don't know how lucky you are!" Paige exclaimed.

"Don't take this the wrong way but... I envy your life, Paige. You can live without expectations." Jai told the girl. "Unlike me. All my life I've tried so hard to be what people needed me to be. Because that was how everybody saw me. But when I was in London no one cared if I made a mistake because no one knew who I was. That was the first time I felt free and I began to crave that feeling when I was about to leave."

"You envy my life?" Paige asked, incredulous. "My life where people think I don't have plans or ambitions because all I think about is how to get through the day. The one where my dad is so afraid to lose me he won't allow me to commit to someone. Be emotionally attached." She ranted. "My life, where everyone who knows my secret treats me like I'm some fragile thing that's going to break. You want my life?" She repeated. "You have the one thing I've always wanted, Jai. You have Emily's love. That should've been enough for you to be brave. You're stupid to think she's going to leave you if you're not perfect. You've been with her for three years and yet you don't know her. She doesn't care if you fail. Because she's going to be there to help you up. All you had to do was ask."

"That's easy for you to say." Jai said, shaking her head. "But the thing about having someone love you is that it could make you brave and scared at the same time. I had a lot to lose that's why I took the easy way out." She explained. "One day I know you're going to understand."

A heavy silence passed between them and Jai bit her lip as she stole glances at the girl seated next to her, trying to guess what was going on in Paige's mind. When her friend just sat there, she decided to speak again.

"I'm going to make things right." Jai promised. "I should've listened to Ria and came clean once I got back. Did I lose you because of what I did?"

For a while, Paige just sat wordlessly until she finally looked at the girl and shook her head. "No. We're still friends." She answered, making Jai exhale in relief. "And I'm sorry for threatening you the other night. I have no business meddling in your relationship with Emily so I'm staying out of it."

"Thanks." Jai uttered gratefully. "I knew you wouldn't go through with it."

"Doesn't mean you get to keep lying to her." Paige continued. "You need to be honest. Especially since you're planning to propose to her. Unless that part of your life changed as well?" She asked, glancing at the girl.

"No. It hasn't." Jai answered slowly. "How did you find out?" She asked, surprised.

"I saw the ring." Paige admitted as she played with the grass between them. "Remember when you asked me to search through your drawers so I can get your gift for her birthday? Well... I got the wrong box." She explained when Jai nodded. "I opened it and I saw the ring. At first I was confused. That's why I asked if I should be the one to give it to her. But then you said it was a necklace and I knew I got the wrong box."

"Yeah. I was planning to propose to her after she graduated from high school." Jai confessed. "But now, I guess that's not going to happen."

"So you deviated from your plans a little bit. That doesn't mean you can't propose to her now." Paige told the girl, unaware of the breakup.

"I guess." Jai said with a tight smile.

"Just promise me you won't do it until after I come back." Paige added to show her support.

"Why? Where are you going?" Jai asked, confused.

"That's right. I still haven't told you." Paige said then hit her forehead gently. "I got in. I'm competing in the WTS along with Reese this June so I'm leaving in a couple of weeks. I won't be back until September."

Jai's eyes widened in surprise. "Wow. Congratulations. That's great!" She exclaimed.

"Thanks." Paige uttered, a small smile forming on her lips. "To be honest, I still can't believe I got in."

"I've seen how hard you train. You're gonna do great." Jai reassured her friend. "Have you told anyone else? Emily?"

"Just my dad. And of course Reese knows. And I also told my academic adviser. And my coach." Paige added. "I haven't told Emily. It's better that way. We're not really on good terms nowadays."

Jai was about to argue but saw the look Paige gave her so she shrugged. "It's your call." She said instead, knowing she owed the girl. "Can I at least throw you a going away party?"

Paige sighed. "Okay. But you have to promise it won't be big." She hurriedly added.

Jai nodded and got up. "I should let you get back to training then." She said as she brushed the back of her jeans. "Show them how it's done." Jai told her friend encouragingly before leaving.

Paige got up and watched the girl for a second, feeling like a huge burden has been lifted from her chest. She headed for the starting line again with a determined expression as Jai headed for the exit.

Seventeen Months Ago...

Armed with shopping bags in both hands, Emily navigated the crowded mall as she tried to make her way to the other side to meet her friends. They were supposed to grab a late lunch, but she still had one gift left to buy so she told them to go ahead. She just hoped they weren't done eating. She was about to ride the escalator up the third floor when she saw a familiar figure standing outside a store to her right so she stopped. A smile formed on her lips and she opened her mouth to call out Paige's name but decided to walk over to the girl instead.

"Fancy meeting you here." Emily said in greeting as she stepped next to the girl and elbowed her gently.

Paige tore her gaze away from the store window and looked at the other girl. "Oh. Hey, Em." She replied while rubbing her arm gingerly. "What are you doing here?"

"You mean, why am I at the mall?" Emily asked, trying to keep a straight face.

Paige rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean." She told the girl wryly.

"Just doing some last-minute shopping." Emily answered, showing the girl the shopping bags.

"By yourself?!" Paige asked, seemingly aghast. "That's a first."

"Ha. Ha." Emily uttered, unable to resist smiling at the girl. Sometimes she still couldn't believe that she and Jai's best friend are finally getting along. Sure they were still bantering, but this time it was just light and friendly. "I'm actually with my friends."

"Ah. I knew it." Paige commented and smiled as well. "Where are they?" She asked before looking around.

"El Hombre." Emily replied, referring to the Mexican restaurant they frequented at the mall. "I had to buy Jai's gift first, but it was on the other side so I'm going to meet them instead."

"Oooh. What did you get her?" Paige asked and tried to reach for one of the shopping bags, but the girl moved it away. "Come on. Let me take a peek."

"No!" Emily exclaimed, laughing as the other girl kept trying to reach for any shopping bag. "Hands off!"

"Why? Is it lingerie?" Paige guessed, her eyes growing wide. "Or... Emily Fields do you have a sexy Santa outfit hiding in one of those bags?!"

"Eew! No way!" Emily protested while shaking her head vehemently. "Only you would think of something like that."

Paige shrugged. "It's just a guess. She is thousands of miles away. That could get lonely." She added with a grin.

Emily rolled her eyes. "What about you?" She asked, trying to change the subject.

"Oh you don't have to worry about me. I get by just fine." Paige whispered conspiratorially.

Emily felt her cheeks turning red. "I meant what are you doing here? Doing some last-minute holiday shopping?" She asked, glancing at the window the girl was looking at earlier.

"I wish." Paige answered then pointed to a watch displayed on the store window. "I was looking at that."

"Garmin Forerunner 920XT." Emily read. "Four hundred dollars?!" She exclaimed when she saw the price tag. "What kind of watch is that?!"

"A multi sport GPS watch and it is awesome." Paige said emphatically while looking at the accessory with longing. "I need that in my life."

"O-kay." Emily uttered, studying the girl with amusement as Paige stared at the watch, seemingly mesmerized. "Well I guess I better leave you to it." She said when the girl just stood there. "I'm gonna go meet my friends. They're probably wondering where I am."

Paige nodded without taking her eyes off the watch. "Yeah. Happy holidays by the way." She greeted, glancing at the girl.

"Happy holidays." Emily repeated. "I hope you get that watch someday." She added before walking away.

Two Months Ago...

Emily stared at the store window intently as she tried to make up her mind about the object in front of her. She didn't know why but that conversation she had with Paige came back to her just now and she couldn't help but wonder if the girl ever got her wish. Maybe once she found the courage to tell Paige how she feels, she can buy the watch as a gift for their first Christmas together as a couple.

"What are you looking at?" Emily shifted her gaze to the reflection of the girl standing next to her and slightly turned to face Spencer.

"Nothing in particular." Emily replied, shrugging. "Fine I was eyeing that sports watch Paige wanted, like, two years ago." She admitted when her friend gave her a suspicious look.

Spencer glanced at the row of watches and sighed. "Em, just come up to her and tell her how you feel. You don't need to give her a fancy watch." She chastised.

"I was just thinking of giving it to her as a Christmas present!" Emily answered defensively.

"Well at the rate you're going, there will be a new model of that watch by the time you come around to confessing." Spencer quipped.

Emily groaned. "Spence, how many times do I have to tell you? It's too soon to be in a relationship with her. Why do you keep pushing me?" She asked, exasperated.

"Because you're miserable." Spencer pointed out. "And I just want to see you genuinely smile again."

"I know. And I'm grateful that you and Hanna and Aria are so supportive. But I need you to understand that I'm not ready." Emily repeated. "To be honest, I'm not even sure if I should say anything since she made it clear she wants nothing to do with me." She confessed. "But whatever I decide to do I need you guys to be there for me."

"Of course." Spencer promised. "You can count on us, Em."

"Count on us for what?" Hanna asked, coming up to the two girls with Aria in tow.

"Uh-oh. I think we missed another heart to heart." Aria commented as she studied Emily and Spencer.

"How the heck did you end up shopping for clothes?" Spencer asked when she saw the shopping bags Hanna was carrying. "I thought we went here to help Aria look for a costume for the masquerade party?"

"It's a talent." Hanna replied good-naturedly. "And now I'm starving. Let's go get a sandwich or something." She suggested.

"I second that. Walking around the mall with Hanna made me hungry." Aria joked, making Emily and Spencer laugh. "And then we can grill some more our secretive friend here about Paige."

Emily rolled her eyes. "I already told you guys everything there is to tell." She said as they made their way toward the escalator. "Though I must admit it felt really good to finally open up to my best friends. Sorry I kept you all in the dark for so long."

"You're forgiven. On the condition that you won't keep anymore secrets from us." Hanna added. "We have your back no matter what. If you're happy then we're happy."

"I promise." Emily replied. "Now let's go get something to eat before I end up bawling my eyes out again."

Jai stood a good five minutes on Emily's front porch on a Saturday night, dreading having to face the girl and coming clean knowing Emily could hate her after this. But she had to make things right even if she and the girl weren't together anymore. She owed it to Emily.

Here we go. Jai thought, finally mustering the courage to ring the doorbell. She was tempted to make a run for it or maybe duck behind one of the bushes when she heard footsteps descending the stairs but she stood her ground and told herself to breathe.

"Hey." Emily uttered once she opened the door and saw Jai standing outside. "Uh, what's up?"

"Hey." Jai repeated, smiling at the girl nervously. "Nothing much. I was just wondering if maybe we could talk."

"Um… sure. Come in." Emily invited then took a step back. "Don't worry. My mom's at a charity event." She added when Jai seemed reluctant to step inside. "She's not going to make things awkward."

"That's a relief." Jai admitted before coming in. "And a good thing too since what I'm about to say would either devastate or anger you. Maybe even both." She continued, facing the girl.

"What's wrong?" Emily asked with a confused look.

Instead of answering, Jai took out the St. Christopher necklace the girl gave her. "I'm returning this." She said as she handed it to Emily.

"Jai, just because we broke up doesn't mean we should return every single thing we gave each other." Emily told the girl. "Unless... I mean, is that what you want to do?"

Jai shook her head. "No. Of course not." She replied. "I just think I should return it. It already made its way back to you once so you should keep it. It's yours after all."

Emily took the necklace and touched the pendant gingerly. "What happened was really a miracle, you know?" She said, looking at Jai with a small smile. "Until now I still can't believe you survived that crash."

Jai took a deep breath then exhaled slowly. "It's hardly a miracle." She began, her mouth going dry. "For it to be a miracle I would have to have been on that flight that crashed and... I wasn't."

Emily's brows creased. "What… what do you mean?" She asked, utterly confused.

Jai slowly launched into an explanation, confessing her actions for the past year. It was like repeating everything she told Paige but seeing Emily's expression turn from disbelief, to hurt, then to anger made everything harder. She took a small step toward the girl but Emily stopped her and took a step back herself.

"When did you start feeling this way?" Emily asked, arms crossed as if trying to protect herself.

"I guess it's been gnawing at me for quite some time when I was in London but I couldn't shake it off anymore the night you made your wish on your birthday." Jai confessed. "You said you wished it was ten years from now. So that we would've reached our dreams and we'd be together." She recalled. "Hearing you say that... I realized I wasn't ready for ten years to go by. I tried to imagine it, and I just couldn't. I didn't know what I wanted anymore and it scared me. I felt suffocated."

"You don't trust me." Emily said, hurt.

"I do." Jai answered.

"Not enough. Because if you did you would've found a way to talk to me about it instead of running away." Emily argued. "Why did you even come back for me if that's how you felt?"

"Because when I called on your birthday I heard the sadness and I couldn't take it." Jai confessed.

"Wait, what? I didn't get a call..." Emily trailed off, brows creased. "That was you." She uttered when realization dawned on her. "When I was waiting for Paige to call because I was hoping she remembered my birthday there was a blocked number who called."

Jai laughed dryly. "So you were sad at the time because my best friend didn't remember that it was your birthday. Great. Meanwhile, I was out there thinking that I still want a future with you even if I didn't know what I wanted out of life. That I was sure of. I still am." She added.

"I was sure about us too, Jai. I didn't need to trek across Europe to realize that!" Emily exclaimed, angrily wiping a tear that rolled down her cheek.

"And yet it didn't take you long to get together with my best friend." Jai snapped before she could stop herself. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that." She hurriedly added.

Emily stared at the girl in disbelief. "No. I think you did. So, let's talk about it since obviously you're still hung up on that." She said, her tone defensive. "How many times do I have to tell you? We thought you died! We were moving on!"

"And how long did that take exactly? A month? Maybe two?" Jai asked bitterly.

"That's not fair." Emily argued. "I mourned your death. You can't honestly tell me there's a grieving period for losing someone you've been with for three years. You can't quantify it." She continued, hurt. "Believe me, there was a time when I felt like I wouldn't be able to move past losing you. My dreams died when I thought you did." Emily said, starting to cry. "I loved you so much... and then you were just... gone. And I was devastated. Now you're telling me you left because it was too much? You don't get to be pissed off because I moved forward with my life! How selfish could you be?!"

Jai covered her mouth as she fought back tears. "I'm sorry." She whispered, not knowing what else to say. "I know I screwed up. I can't even begin to imagine what I put you through and how much I hurt you." She continued as she wiped a tear. "All of this happened because of me. And I know you're mad but I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Please."

Emily scoffed. "Forgive? I can't even look at you right now." She replied angrily. "Just leave." Emily demanded, opening the door while trying to hold back tears.

Knowing she didn't have a choice, Jai reluctantly did as she was told. All she could do now is hope that the girl would change her mind and forgive her someday. "Em… I'm so sorry." She uttered sincerely, her heart breaking as she left the girl in tears.

"I need a break." Paige declared, leaning back on Reese's bed and closing her eyes briefly. "These terms are making my head pound."

"Wanna grab something to eat? We could use a breath of fresh air." Reese suggested. "We've been holed up here in my room for... close to six hours now." She finished as she glanced at her watch.

"Six?!" Paige repeated, eyes growing wide. "Ugh. And I still have three chapters I need to cover. Kill me now." She lamented with a groan.

"Okay that's it. Get up." Reese ordered, reaching for the girl's hands and pulling. "Come on. We're going out for brain food."

"I can't. I still have to go over my notes." Paige said before glancing at the mess next to her.

"Newbie, you're tired. Your brain can't handle any more info right now so it's useless to force yourself to keep studying." Reese explained. "Come on. We'll be back in thirty."

Paige sighed and finally let the girl help her up. "Fine. But I'm not buying you ice cream." She said, giving her friend a stern look.

"What? Why not?" Reese whined. "I'm helping you study. The least you could do is buy me a frozen treat."

"It's almost midnight! Eat a fruit!" Paige reprimanded as she put on her shoes.

Reese pouted. "But I want something cold." She said, handing the girl her jacket.

"Then buy milk. It's good for your bones." Paige replied.

"Ugh you're like the ice cream grinch." Reese commented, rolling her eyes.

Paige laughed. "Okay, okay. If there's frozen yogurt maybe I'll buy you one." She relented.

Reese's eyes lit up and she grinned. "That's more like it!" She exclaimed before leading the way out. "How did it go with Jai last week?"

Paige shrugged. "Okay. We managed to clear the air... talk about things. I think we'll be fine." She said, standing next to the girl as they waited for the elevator car.

"And? Did you tell her about the WTS?" Reese asked. "We're leaving next week." She reminded her friend.

Paige nodded. "Yeah. And she's throwing me a going away party." She added wryly.

Reese laughed. "That's probably her way of trying to make it up to you." She quipped.

Paige cracked a small smile. "Probably." She agreed. "But she's trying and I want to as well. This year has been so crazy I just want to put everything behind and move forward with my life."

"How did Emily take it?" Reese asked just as the elevator doors opened.

"Um..." Paige uttered, unable to meet the girl's eyes. "I haven't told her."

Reese lifted an eyebrow. "Why? Talking to her is part of the whole moving forward with your life, Paige." She said wryly. "I'm glad that you're finally taking my advice with the whole take a step back and let the universe take its course. But to cut her off completely? She's been a part of your life for years." Reese reminded her friend. "You could at least tell her you're leaving next week."

"Why? It's not like she'll care." Paige argued.

"Maybe. But knowing you, you won't be able to focus on the tournament. Not if you leave things with Emily the way they are." Reese warned. "Look, it's not like you're saying goodbye to her. It's just a heads up. So stop being stubborn and talk to her. You know I'm right."

Paige rolled her eyes. "Fine. But no frozen treat for you tonight." She told the girl as they exited the elevator on the ground floor, making Reese pout again.

"Dad, please! Hear me out!" Jai desperately implored when she saw her father's livid expression even before she finished confessing her actions for the past year. She couldn't even look at her sister, knowing for sure that the girl was disappointed, angry, and felt betrayed for being left behind. She ran away because she didn't want to be a disappointment to everyone. Now she couldn't help but think that maybe she should've stayed dead.

"How could you put us through that?!" Kayla asked when she was finally able to process everything her sister said. "You know what dad and I went through when mom died. Why would you be so selfish that you would make us think you were dead, mourn you, and then come back with this lie about surviving the crash?!"

"Because I'm a coward!" Jai answered, addressing her sister. "It was all becoming too much. I was the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, perfect student, perfect girlfriend, perfect friend. I was perfect in your eyes and it was too much!" She exclaimed, now looking at her father. "When I was in London I felt a sense of freedom. For once I was away from the people who've known me my entire life. I was in a place where I could make a fool of myself and no one would care. When the time came that I had to return I couldn't bring myself to board that plane. To leave behind that freedom. Then Ria showed up and asked me to backpack with her across Europe. I just needed time away from everything and everyone. To figure things out. So I said yes." Jai continued. "I was going to call you and Kayla to let you know my decision." She explained. "I was trying to gather the courage to make that call but then I saw the news..."

"And you decided not to tell us you're alive." Kayla interjected, still unable to believe what she was hearing.

"Back then I felt the universe was giving me an out. And I took it." Jai admitted. "Ria agreed to keep my secret and she became my only friend out there. For the first time I was able to learn about myself. Who I am without the life I was accustomed to."

"And who are you exactly?" Logan asked, his tone biting.

"Someone who doesn't want to follow in your footsteps." Jai replied. "Not anymore."

"So, what you're saying is, you came back not knowing what you want." Logan stated, arms crossed.

"No. I'm saying I know I don't want to be a doctor anymore." Jai clarified. "There's a difference."

"You don't know what you want to become. You're no different from those people who waste their lives doing ordinary, insignificant things!" Logan reprimanded, making the two girls flinch. "Michaela, go to your room." He ordered.

Kayla gave Jai a helpless look. Their father rarely called them by their first names so she knew her sister was in a lot of trouble. She didn't want to make their dad angrier so she did as she was told, hoping her sister would be able to get through to him.

"You're going to be a doctor and do great things like you were supposed to." Logan declared once Kayla left.

"I don't want to keep pursuing something that isn't making me happy anymore." Jai told her father. "Please understand."

"What happened to you?" Logan asked, looking at his daughter with disappointment. "You were supposed to be the smart one! The one who was supposed to continue my work!" He reminded the girl. "You have a bright future ahead of you! Why are you throwing it away?!"

"Being a doctor isn't the end all and be all of my life." Jai argued. "Just because I don't want to be a doctor anymore doesn't mean I can't have a bright future."

"Doing what?" Logan challenged. "You want to be a cook just like your sister? Is that it?"

"She's going to be a chef and at least she's doing something that she loves." Jai replied defensively.

"I didn't raise the two of you to be mediocre!" Logan exploded, hitting the dining table with the palm of his hand.

"No. You didn't. You raised us to be just like you. That's why we're not happy." Jai answered back. "Ever since we were kids you've done nothing but tell us what to do and being the dutiful daughter that I was, I obeyed. Because I felt it was the only way you could be proud of me. More so after mom died."

"I'm glad your mother isn't here. If she was still alive, she would be disappointed in you and your sister!" Logan exclaimed.

"No she won't." Jai argued. "Mom always said to follow your heart and do what makes you happy. That's why she was so miserable with you. Because you never really supported her!" She continued, tears stinging her eyes. "Even then you were so controlling and self-absorbed you didn't even know she was sick! She's dead because of you!"

Jai heard the sound of her father's hand making contact with her cheek before she felt the stinging sensation. She touched her face and looked at her father, shocked.

"Get out of my house." Logan spat out. "Do whatever you want with your life. Starting today Kayla is my only living daughter." He stated coldly. "As far as I know, you died in that plane crash. I want you gone when I get back from my trip." Logan told the girl before leaving the room.

Emily took the stairs two at a time and made her way to the kitchen when she heard the sound of clanging pots and pans. "I'm headed out." She told her mother when the woman was finally in sight.

"Where to?" Pam asked, getting up and dusting her knees.

"Jai's." Emily answered. "No, mom. We're not getting back together." She added when she saw her mother's face light up.

Pam sighed. "Honestly Emily, I don't understand your decision to break up with her." She said as she took off the rubber gloves she was wearing. "Did you two have a big fight? Because all couples go through that. You two just need to talk things over."

"We didn't fight." Emily replied. "Mom, I will always love her but I don't see myself in a relationship with her anymore. Not when we've changed so much."

"People change, honey. You just have to learn to adapt to it." Pam told her daughter gently. "Look, all I'm asking is that you think about it." She added before Emily could protest. "You two are such a perfect match and I sleep better at night knowing she's taking care of you when I'm not around. She's dependable and has a bright future ahead of her. So do you."

"But I'm not happy with her anymore." Emily argued. "I don't want to keep lying to everyone, myself included, and end up hurting Jai more than I already have. It's better this way."

"So, is there someone else?" Pam asked, brows creased.

"No. Not right now." Emily replied, hoping that would put an end to the conversation. "I'll be back before dinner." She promised, walking over to her mom and kissing the woman on the cheek before leaving.

"I am not leaving you." Jai promised her sister as she packed another picture frame in her bag.

"Yes you are." Kayla insisted. "You're leaving me alone with dad! Again!"

Jai sighed. "Kayla... he wants me gone. What do you want me to do?" She asked, looking at the girl.

"Not give up! Stand your ground for once!" Kayla answered exasperatedly. "You're his favorite! Don't argue with me on that right now." She added when Jai was about to protest. "I'm sure if you just talked to him one more time he'll listen."

"I'm his favorite that's why the disappointment is greater." Jai told her sister. "As long as I refuse to be what he wants me to be, I doubt he'll listen to what I have to say."

"This isn't fair." Kayla lamented. "You ran away the first time and left me alone with dad. Now you're doing it again. Do you know how hard it is to live with him without you around? You suck!"

"Hey. He's still our dad." Jai reminded the girl. "I know he can be unbearable sometimes but he has his shining moments." She defended. "I'm sorry I have to leave but it's different this time. I'm not running away, Kayla. I'll still be around. I'm just a phone call away, okay? Call me any time of day and I'll come running." She promised.

"It's still not the same." Kayla argued. "Why can't you just live with me?"

"Kayla, we already talked about this." Jai said, exasperated. "When dad finds out-"

"If he finds out." Kayla corrected.

"When he finds out." Jai repeated. "He'll be mad at you, too. I don't want that."

"Maybe I don't care." Kayla said stubbornly.

"You're too nice not to care." Jai shot back. "You're all he has left so you need to take care of him. For both of us. Despite what happened I still love him. And so do you." She pointed out. "Kayla, I promise this isn't permanent. I just need to figure out what to do next." Jai explained. "Okay how about this? I'll sleep over at your apartment once a week. How's that sound?" She asked, unable to bear her sister's glum expression.

"Twice." Kayla bargained.

"I'm not making any promises. But we'll see. Okay?" Jai asked, feeling slightly better when she saw her sister smile a little.

"You'll still be at my cook off next week, right?" Kayla asked, suddenly worried. "I mean, you won't be too busy looking for a place to stay? 'Cos dad won't be able to make it."

"Of course I'll be there." Jai promised. "Could you get that? I just need to finish up here." She said when the doorbell rang.

"Okay. But we're not done talking." Kayla told her sister before heading downstairs.

Left to herself, Jai stood in the middle of her bedroom, suddenly overcome with sadness and nostalgia. Other than some books, her dresser, table lamp, desk, chair, bed, and other things she couldn't fit in her luggage, her room was almost bare. If someone walked in there right now, they would probably think no one slept there for years.

"Knock, knock." Jai looked toward the open door when she heard Emily's voice, not bothering to hide her surprise.

"Em. Hey. Uh... what are you doing here?" Jai asked, hoping she didn't look as dirty as she felt from having to pack her things all day.

"Your sister let me in." Emily began and gestured vaguely behind her. "She said to tell you she's heading out for a while." She added when Jai seemed to look for Kayla. "If this is a bad time I can come back tomorrow." Emily offered when she saw the girl's things.

Jai shook her head. "No. It's fine. Come in." She said, walking over to her bed and taking a seat. "I'm guessing my sister told you what happened."

"Not everything. Just that you're moving out." Emily admitted.

Jai let out a dry laugh. "That's putting it mildly. Try disowned." She corrected, the word leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. "I came clean to them last week and... well my sister barely spoke to me until today and my dad kicked me out of his life. He wants me gone by the time he gets back from his trip. Not that I could blame him."

"I don't know. This seems extreme." Emily commented as she looked around the room she spent most of her time in next to her own bedroom.

"Not when I told him he's controlling, self-absorbed, and the reason my mom's dead, it's not." Jai confessed. "I think my jaw is still a little sore from when he slapped me." She added, rubbing the side of her face.

Emily's eyes widened. "You said that? Jai—"

"It was in the heat of the moment! I regretted it the second the words escaped my mouth." Jai said defensively. "I was just so frustrated when he refused to listen to me. He kept insisting that I become a doctor and... I don't want to."

"You think if you're still here when he gets back you can try talking to him again?" Emily suggested.

Jai shook her head. "I doubt it. He's... stubborn." She finished for lack of a better word. "Sooner or later he gets his way and I don't want to stick around for that. I'm not as strong-willed as Kayla."

"I don't know. You can be pretty stubborn too." Emily pointed out with a small smile.

"Maybe… but I can't take my dad on." Jai admitted with a sigh. "As much as this sucks, I think it's better than living under his roof knowing I disappoint him even as I sleep."

"Where do you plan on staying?" Emily asked, concerned.

"Still haven't figured out that one yet." Jai admitted. "I can't stay with Kayla since my dad will probably disown her too when he finds out. I don't want her to suffer for my mistakes."

"If you need money... I can lend you some." Emily offered. "It's not much but I think it's enough to get you started. Help you find a cheap apartment or something."

Jai shook her head. "I can't. I know you're saving that money so you can study abroad. You need it more." She told the girl with a small smile. "But thank you. I have to admit... after that conversation we had... I never thought you'd speak to me again. I know I screwed up but I can't help but think that I should've just stayed dead."

Emily sighed. "Jai…"

"It's the truth. You and Paige have been coping well and when I came back I just ruined everything. My dad and Kayla were doing fine without me as well. I don't belong here anymore." Jai said, miserable.

"Yes you do. Jai, you're important to us." Emily reassured the girl.

"Then why do I feel as if I ruined everything when I came back?" Jai asked wryly.

"You didn't. We needed to adjust but we're glad you're alive. Your return helped us figure out a lot of things." Emily insisted.

Jai laughed dryly. "No offense, Emily. But telling me that my return helped you realize that it was Paige you really wanted to be with doesn't really help matters right now." She said, her tone turning bitter again.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to sound like that." Emily hurriedly replied. "Losing you left a void in our hearts. You mattered. Matter." She corrected. "But we thought you died. And I know it sucks that when you came back everything was different. But we're still here for you. Things change. You changed while you were out there. And so did we. But that doesn't mean we love you any less or that we wish you didn't return."

"But you're still mad about what I did." Jai guessed.

"I'm not. I mean I was, but... not anymore. At least not as much as when I first found out the truth." Emily explained. "It's going to take some time for me to completely forgive you. And I'm mad at you for what you did, but I'm still grateful you came back. That's why I'm here actually. I wanted to apologize."

"What?" Jai uttered, surprised. "What for? You don't have to apologize for anything."

"I do." Emily insisted. "I know you decided that you wanted to start over. But we all had a hand in making you feel that you needed to be perfect all the time. At least I know I did." She admitted. "All those years... I should've known something was going on. It hurt that you couldn't be yourself around me and that you felt trapped. You felt we expected a lot from you and that didn't come out of nowhere. So I'm sorry I made you feel like you needed to be perfect all the time. I know how that feels."

"It wasn't your fault, Em. I was too scared to open up to you. So instead I took the easy way out and now I'm paying the price." Jai said, dejected. "Can you ever forgive me?"

"A part of me already did." Emily reassured the girl. "If I didn't I wouldn't be here."

Jai smiled, relieved. "Thank you. That means a lot. I could use another friend especially with Paige leaving." She said absentmindedly.

"Wait, what? She's leaving?" Emily asked, surprised.

"You still haven't talked to her." Jai concluded. "Sorry. I thought she would've told you by now. I didn't find out until two weeks ago. She's going to compete in the WTS so she's leaving next week."

"For how long?" Emily asked, panicked.

"Three months. I'm throwing her a going away party this weekend." Jai supplied. "You know… I should probably stop talking. She's going to kill me when she finds out I told you before she did."

"If she wanted to tell me she would've done so already." Emily said, obviously hurt.

"She's really busy training these days. When I came by to see her she was in the middle of running laps. I'm sure she just forgot." Jai quickly covered for her friend. "You should go to the party. It'll give you a chance to talk to her."

"She doesn't want me there." Emily lamented.

"Just think about it. I know it would mean a lot to her if you came." Jai insisted. "At least it'll give you the chance to say goodbye and wish her good luck. I'm sure she'll appreciate it."

"Okay. I'll think about it." Emily replied. "Um… do you need any help packing?" She asked, changing the subject as she looked around the room. "I still have a few hours left before I have to go home for dinner."

"I think I'm all set." Jai answered. "But I could use your help with finding a temporary place to live." She added before taking out her laptop. "How's your internet search skill?"

"Not good. But not bad either. Let me give it a try." Emily offered. "How much is your budget?"

Jai sighed. "I think I need a job." She answered instead.

"Job search it is." Emily said before cracking her knuckles comically.

"You're such a lifesaver." Jai commented and watched the girl wistfully as Emily started to type on the keyboard.

"Jai, it's a party. Not a wake. We need better music." Ria told her friend as she studied the list in front of her.

"I know but I don't want the music to overwhelm the conversations going on. I mean, it's a party not a rave." Jai pointed out.

"Fine. I'll find a different, mellower set of tracks." Ria conceded, jotting down something on her notepad. "What else are we forgetting?"

"Um... I don't know. Chips?" Jai suggested.

Ria laughed. "We already covered that. Where's your head at?" She asked, studying her friend. "You asked to meet so we can talk about Paige's going away party, but you've been zoning out ever since we got here. What gives?"

"I'm sorry." Jai uttered warily. "It's just that... my dad's coming home next weekend and I still haven't found a place to live."

"What happened to staying at your college house for the rest of the semester?" Ria asked, brows creased.

"I think I can stay there until the end of the month. If my dad doesn't tell them to kick me out, that is. I mean, he already paid for this month's rent. But after that..." Jai sighed. "I won't be able to afford the rent. And even if I can, I won't be able to attend college so I need to find a job instead. Emily was kind enough to help me look for one but that didn't turn out so well."

"That bad, huh?" Ria said, her heart going out to her friend. "Um... here's a crazy thought. I won't be able to help you out financially, but I think I can help with your living situation." She offered when she was suddenly struck with an idea. "As you know I'm planning to move out of my dorm and rent an apartment instead. Why don't you move in with me?"

Jai's eyes widened. "Ria..."

"Hear me out before you say no." Ria hurriedly interjected. "It's not for free if that's what you're worried about. I could use a roommate to split the rent and other expenses like electricity and food."

"I don't know..." Jai hedged.

"Come on. It'll be like when we were in London." Ria reminded her friend. "Staying up late watching reruns? Bingeing on cheese puffs?"

"I do miss those cheese puffs." Jai admitted.

"See? So say yes!" Ria urged.

Jai finally smiled. "Okay. Let's do it." She responded, making the girl grin.

"Awesome! I'll let my landlord know." Ria said as she took out her phone excitedly. "By the way, does Paige know?" She asked, pausing to look at her friend.

Jai shook her head. "Not yet. I don't want Paige to know right now. It might distract her." She explained. "I'll tell her when she gets back."

"I can't wait to see her expression when she finds out we're roommates." Ria said with a laugh.

"Roommates, huh? What's up with that?" Jai rolled her eyes before turning around and looking up at the girl wryly.

"I swear. You have the perfect timing when it comes to eavesdropping on conversations." Jai commented.

Cesca shrugged. "Right place, right time. Why are you two moving in together?" She asked, looking from one girl to the other.

"Long story short she faked being dead for a year to escape her life here and when she told the truth, Logan kicked her out." Ria answered before Jai could say anything, earning a glare from the girl. "What? It's not like it's a secret anymore."

"Yeah but I don't need another person telling me I'm a disappointment." Jai answered without looking at Cesca.

"I don't even know the whole story." Cesca reminded the girl. "But at least you came back and decided to own up to your actions." She continued, shocking the other two girls. "What? I'm not a bitch all the time, okay? I can be nice." Cesca insisted. "Look, you and I stopped being friends years ago." She admitted, addressing Jai. "But I want to change that. You're starting over. I hope you give our friendship another shot. If there's anything I can do to help, Ria has my number."

"What? She's not that bad." Ria told Jai defensively when the girl gave her an incredulous look after Cesca left.

"Did you forget what she did to Paige?" Jai asked.

"Of course not. But Jai, come on. She deserves another chance. We were kids back then." Ria reminded the girl. "I don't expect her and Paige to be friends anytime soon but I want to give her the benefit of the doubt."

"I still don't trust her." Jai said edgily.

"Well trust has to be earned, right?" Ria rationalized. "I say let her earn it. Just like everyone else is letting you."

"Just a second!" Emily called out when there was another knock on the front door. It was Friday night and her mom was picking up her dad from the airport so she was looking forward to having the house to herself for a few hours. "Jai? Uh… what's up?" She asked when she saw the girl standing outside.

"Are you busy?" Jai asked in reply, looking past Emily to see what the girl was doing.

"Not really. I was planning on spending the rest of the night catching up on Top Chef until my mom and dad come home." Emily explained. "He's getting back from tour."

"That's good news. You must be pretty excited." Jai said with a smile. "But... maybe you can just leave them a note? Tell them you're going out for the night?" She suggested, a little hesitant. She knew how important it is for Emily to see her dad, but she didn't want her best friend to leave without seeing the girl she's in love with. Even if it hurt.

"To where?" Emily asked, confused.

"Paige's going away party? It's tonight." Jai reminded the girl.

"Oh." Emily uttered. "Sorry. I can't. I have to be here when my dad gets home." She said, moving to close the door on the girl but Jai was fast.

"You should come." Jai urged, one palm on the door. "Emily, I'm begging here. You can't just let her leave. I know Paige. She wants to see you. She just doesn't want me to know."

Emily bit her bottom lip as she tried to decide. "Okay." She finally said, making Jai exhale in relief. "Come in. Just let me get my bag and leave a note." Emily told the girl. She bounded up the stairs two at a time and when she got to her room, she opened her drawer, took out a small box, and placed it inside her bag before making her way downstairs.

"I wrote the note. I hope it's okay." Jai said, showing the girl the pad by the telephone. "Thought I'd save you the time. I said we're going to a party and that I'll get you home safe."

Emily smiled. "It's okay. It's not like it's the first time you did that." She replied, giving the girl a meaningful look.

"I know, but... it's different this time." Jai said before clearing her throat. "Let's go."

"Hey, you still have your car." Emily commented when she saw the girl's car parked outside her house.

"Yeah well tonight's the last time I get to drive it. My dad's coming home tomorrow." Jai said wryly. "So… are you going to tell her?"

Emily shook her head. "No. If I tell her, she's going to stay." She explained, glancing at the girl. "I don't want her to put her dreams on hold for me."

"You don't know that." Jai argued.

"Yes, I do." Emily insisted. "I know her. For me she would. She did it before." She said, recalling the time when she and Paige fought about the girl missing out on a competition to go with her to the launch of the Gray Matter Foundation. "This is a big deal for her. I don't want her to give this up for me."

"Em, she's leaving to compete in the biggest triathlon of her life. Tell her. It'll give her something to look forward to when she gets back." Jai pointed out.

"Or it'll just distract her. You still haven't told her about your living situation either. Why? Because you don't want her to think about anything else but the triathlon." Emily reminded the girl.

"That's different. Mine's a problem." Jai argued.

"I can't take that risk. We both want for her to give her best out there. I've been hiding how I feel about her for a year. I can still wait for a few months." Emily reassured Jai. "I want to stop being selfish when it comes to her. I've done that in the past and all I did was hurt her."

Jai sighed. "Em..."

"Just drop it, Jai." Emily pleaded. "And I need a favor. I know I shouldn't ask this of you. But if you... just until she gets back... can we pretend we're still together?"

Paige slowly navigated her crowded house, looking around for someone she actually knew. Her expression turned grim when she finally spotted Ria hanging around by the dips and she made her way toward the girl.

"Where's Jai?" Paige asked once she was within earshot.

"Picking up Emily." Ria answered as she scooped some hummus to her plate. "Why?"

"Emily's coming?" Paige asked, her pulse starting to race. She conveniently forgot to tell the girl that she was leaving. She just hoped Emily won't be mad at her when she gets there.

"Yeah. Why?" Ria repeated. "Wasn't she invited to the party?" She continued, feigning ignorance.

"About that. This was supposed to be a small gathering." Paige said, dodging the question and gesturing around them. "I don't even know half the people in this room! I think some of them are in high school."

Ria laughed. "Sorry. I guess word got around." She told the girl sheepishly.

Paige rolled her eyes. "You think? I'm going to kill Jai when she gets here." She vowed. "What are you smiling about?!"

"Nothing." Ria answered, shaking her head. "I'm just glad you and Jai are starting to mend your friendship. Thank you for giving her another chance."

"Which I'm starting to regret." Paige shot back.

"Come on. Cheer up." Ria told her friend. "It's your last night—"

"I'll be back in three months, Ria." Paige reminded the girl. "You make it sound like I'm never coming back."

"I know. But when you get back things are going to be different." Ria said vaguely. "We don't know what will happen tomorrow, a week, even a month from now. That's why we should celebrate moments like this. We're super excited and really proud of you. I promise we'll clean up. You won't even have to lift a finger."

Paige nodded. "Good. My dad better get home to a clean house or—"

"Or what?" Ria prodded when Paige stopped midsentence.

"Just... make sure they don't stain the couch with dips." Paige finished, distracted.

"On it." Ria promised before leaving with her plate of hummus and chips.

Paige barely noticed her friend leave because her attention was on the couple that just walked in. Even if she decided to give up the fight, it still hurt seeing her best friend and Emily together. Especially when the two girls act as a couple. Like now. Jai's hand was resting on the small of Emily's back as they navigated the crowd. Deciding to put off making contact with the girl, Paige grabbed a bottle of apple juice from the cooler and headed for the porch.

Emily anxiously passed by the porch for the fourth time, trying to build the courage to come up to Paige. They haven't really spoken since Jai's birthday and she didn't know what to say or how to start a conversation. She did know that eventually someone would show up and the girl won't be by herself then, so she took one last sip of her beer, placed the bottle on a side table, and slowly made her way outside.

"Hey." Emily greeted nervously.

Paige stood up straight, her heart beating wildly as she turned around to look at Emily. "Hey." She repeated, giving the girl a small smile.

"I just wanted to say congratulations." Emily said as she returned Paige's smile.

"Thanks. Sorry I didn't tell you. I just... didn't know how. Or if you'll care." Paige admitted.

Ouch. "What are you doing out here? You're missing your own party." Emily quipped, choosing to ignore what the girl just said.

"Nah. It's really more for Jai than it is for me. I just showed up for her." Paige confessed.

"Still. Pretty huge turnout." Emily observed.

"Like I said, it's more for Jai. I don't even know half of these people." Paige said, looking past the girl at the crowded house.

"Well not everyone came here because of her. I'm certain of that." Emily commented hoping Paige would take the hint. "How do you feel?" She asked, deciding to change the subject. "I mean, you're leaving tomorrow. Are you excited? Scared?"

"A little bit of both." Paige admitted, taking a deep breath.

Emily moved closer to the girl, fighting the urge to confess right there and then. "And? When will you get back?" She asked hoarsely.

"Next semester." Paige replied. "The triathlon's going to end first week of September so I'll probably miss a few days of class."

"You think you can come back sooner?" Emily asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.

Paige laughed. "It's not an internship. I can't be Jai and put in more hours in the competition." She told the girl wryly.

"I didn't mean it like that." Emily said, cursing herself inwardly. "I meant... you know, things between us have been crazy these past few months." She began.

"That's an understatement." Paige quipped.

"I know. And I just want you to know that I'll really miss you. A lot." Emily confessed. "I'm sorry for how everything turned out between us. I really thought I ruined your friendship with Jai."

"You didn't. It may have changed, but so did a lot of things around here." Paige reminded the girl. "I mean, look at us. Who would've thought we'd be standing here not trading insults."

"I know." Emily replied, smiling. "If someone told me two years ago that we'd be getting along, I would've laughed in their face."

Paige laughed along with the girl but it was followed by a heavy silence when their eyes met. She cleared her throat nervously and glanced past the girl, her eyes meeting her best friend's. "You know, Jai might've screwed up but I'm still glad she came back before I had to compete." She confessed. "I don't want to leave you alone."

"After everything that's happened, you're still worrying about me." Emily said, surprised.

Paige smiled. "I will always worry about you." She told the girl earnestly.

Touched, Emily moved to hug Paige. Now more than ever, she knew she wanted to be with the girl but she couldn't bring herself to ask Paige to stay. "Promise me you'll come back." She whispered instead.

Taken aback by the gesture, Paige slowly wrapped one arm around the girl's waist. "Of course I'll come back. It's just a few months." She reminded the girl. "Before you know it, I'll be the third wheel to you and Jai again."

"Don't say that." Emily said, pulling away.

"Fine. Maybe I'll meet someone and we can all go on a double date when I come back." Paige suggested lightly.

"You really plan on doing that?" Emily asked, trying not to sound panicked. She didn't think about that. Paige meeting someone else while she's away.

"No. But I'm not against it. If I meet someone interesting maybe I will. I think it's time I tried seeing other girls." Paige admitted. "I mean, I have to start somewhere, right?"

Emily bit her bottom lip to keep herself from crying. If she told Paige now, she knew the girl would stay. But if she didn't say anything, Paige was going to leave tomorrow with the thought that there's nothing holding her back from letting go. "Do you… still love me?" She asked quietly.

Paige nodded. "Sorry. It's hard not to." She confessed, hoping Emily won't take it against her.

The girl's answer was all Emily needed to decide not to say anything for now. If Paige still loves her then there's a chance that they could finally have a shot when the girl came back. All she needed to do was to have faith in Paige and her belief that they're meant to be together. She'll fight for the girl if she needed to. She wasn't going to lose Paige now.

"I got you something." Emily said as she took out the box she hid in her jacket pocket earlier. "It's my going away present."

"Emily, you didn't have to get me anything." Paige protested.

"Please? I really want you to have this." Emily insisted.

"What is it?" Paige asked, finally accepting the gift and shaking it. "Uh, can you open it for me?"

"Yeah. Of course." Emily replied before taking the box to unwrap it when she saw the bottle of apple juice Paige was holding.

"Emily..." Paige uttered, her eyes growing wide when she saw what was inside.

"It's that watch I saw you eyeing at the mall two, maybe three years ago." Emily confirmed.

"I can't accept that. It must've cost you an arm and a leg." Paige said, looking at the watch then at Emily.

"Don't worry. It was on sale." Emily lied. "And I've been saving for it since I saw you ogling it. I wanted to get you a Christmas present this year so... just think of it as an early gift." She suggested, lifting the sports watch off the box and pocketing the box again. "Here. Let me."

Before Paige could protest, Emily reached for her hand and gently pulled back her jacket, exposing the skin on her wrist. She took a deep breath and told herself to keep her expression neutral as the girl carefully strapped the watch on her wrist, Emily's warm skin brushing against hers.

"There. I knew it would look good on you." Emily commented then moved her hand so that she was holding the girl's.

"Thank you." Paige uttered, slightly out of breath. "It's perfect." She added, looking up and meeting Emily's eyes.

"Now you have something to remember me by while you're out there, conquering the world." Emily told the girl lightly, hoping Paige won't notice how fast her pulse was racing.

"I don't need a watch for that." Paige replied. "But I'm keeping this just the same." She hurriedly added. "Will I see you tomorrow? Maybe you could go with Jai and Kayla at the airport? See me off?" Paige asked, her tone hopeful.

"I'll try." Emily answered noncommittally. "It's just that I have a lot of exams next week and with my dad getting back from tour..."

"Right. Of course." Paige uttered, her face falling. She let go of the girl's hand and took a step back. "Well if you can... I'd like to see you there."

"Found you!" Paige looked past Emily when she heard Reese's voice behind them and noticed the slur in the girl's tone.

"You're drunk and it's not even ten." Paige told her friend wryly.

"And that, my friend, is why we stopped playing I never." Reese answered with a laugh. "Now we're starting a game of charades and we need two more players. You guys in?"

"So long as it's not a drinking game." Paige replied, walking past Emily to head inside.

"What about you, Fields? Are you coming?" Reese asked.

"Right behind you." Emily answered as she touched her wrist briefly and watched Paige and Reese interact, slightly worried. She finally told herself to snap out of it and stepped back inside the house just as Adam Levine's voice came over the speakers and sang the chorus of It Was Always You which made her stop in her tracks.

It was always you

Can't believe I could not see it all this time, all this time

It was always you

Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied, satisfied

"You've got to be kidding me." Emily muttered under her breath, choosing to ignore the music as she continued walking.

Present Day

It was always you

Can't believe I could not see it all this time, all this time

It was always you

Now I know why my heart wasn't satisfied, satisfied

Emily blinked twice when she heard the music playing on the stereo and quickly leaned forward to turn it off. She shouldn't have turned on the accessories. She'd rather sit in silence than listen to Adam Levine tell her what she wanted to say to Paige last night. Just then, the sound of another plane taking off made her sit up straight and she looked outside, heart pounding. That could be Paige's flight. Emily thought sadly. She started when she heard the door on the driver's side open and watched Jai get in. She turned to look behind them, expecting to see Kayla but the girl was nowhere to be found.

"Where's your sister?" Emily asked, facing Jai.

"Bathroom." Jai answered. "I know. That girl has a tiny bladder."

"How did it go?" Emily asked nervously.

"Well, she and Reese were boarding their flight when we left." Jai revealed.

"Good. That's good." Emily repeated, fidgeting with her wrist.

"She was looking for you." Jai continued. "She didn't ask, 'where's Emily?' but I could tell. It was written all over her face. I told her you had an exam you needed to study for and that your dad was home just so she won't feel bad."

"Thanks." Emily uttered, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry I couldn't say goodbye to her. It's just too hard." She confessed just as another plane took off, making her turn around.

For some reason, this time Emily knew for sure that Paige was in it and she felt the tears fall before she realized she was crying. "She's gone." She whispered when it dawned on her that she just let Paige leave without saying the words she wanted the girl to hear.

"Hey. She'll be back." Jai promised, making Emily turn around to face her. "You'll get your chance to make things right." She reassured the girl as she leaned forward to hug Emily. "We'll wait for her together."

Emily nodded and returned Jai's hug as her tears fell. Come back to me. She implored as she stared at the bracelet on her wrist before closing her eyes. I'm ready.