"...before you, life was desolate - the past hardly worth remembering - and now, each moment a keepsake I can't throw away ..."
John Geddes, A Familiar Rain

She moved away through the hallway, her steps as measured and careful as his yet much more poised and graceful; a perfect foil for him in many ways... so very many ways. He had a heart, though he was reluctant to show it, except to her and then only on the rarest occasions. No, everyone thought him to be uncaring and blind to their troubles; everyone except her. She knew him better. But still at times she was harsh with him, accusing him of being cruel and heartless and all the while her words and expression tearing at that very same heart. And when they had exchanges like the one just concluded, he felt empty and afraid. For her opinion had come to have great meaning to him.

He had chosen this life. At first it had been a haven for him, far away from the embarrassment and shame of his former life, the life he hardly even remembered anymore. Oh, sometimes he would feel the loneliness but generally he had enough to fill his days and send him to bed in the evenings too tired to wonder about what might have been in a different life. But lately, sometimes it wasn't enough; sometimes he wasn't tired enough to ignore his feelings and simply sleep; sometimes all he could think of, dream of, was her.

It had started as a small thing, a niggling in his mind, a flutter in his heart from time to time. But when he realized she was ill and what that might mean, suddenly it all became crystal clear. And as happy as he was at the good news of her good health, he had also been confused by the rush of emotions he had experienced over the weeks of wondering.

But then things had settled into a nice, even nicer than before, rhythm between them. Things felt more familiar between them…more comfortable than ever. Of course there were awkward moments but that was to be expected, wasn't it?

Tonight however, tonight had been different. It had begun with her defense of the new maid. The silly woman had mixed up the linens and Lady Grantham had noticed, causing him quite a bit of embarrassment. And then when Alfred and James got into a spat, she had intervened before he had even known about the incident. The footmen were his responsibility and she knew that. Why on earth had she stepped in? And then she got angry with him after he countermanded her resolution to the issue. But what did she expect?

Her words had been sharp and clear and had cut through him. She had accused him of being arrogant and full of himself. And then she had called him pompous. It had hurt, more than if anyone else had said those words. It hurt coming from her because she knew him better, knew his fear. Why had she said those things to him…in that tone?

Charles Carson sighed as she turned the corner and disappeared from his sight, and suddenly he felt cold. Shaking his head, he returned to his duties, finishing up for the night. It was much later when he turned off the light to his pantry and started through the hall to retire. His steps slowed as he saw a light under the door to her sitting room. She was up unusually late, he mused. Stepping quietly towards the door, he thought he heard a sound, an unpleasant one from inside. Uneasily, he tapped on the door. "Mrs. Hughes?" he called out.

"I'm alright," she called back, not opening her door to him. But she didn't sound alright and alarms sounded in his mind. Carefully he opened the door and there she sat, tears running down her face, a sight he couldn't remember ever seeing before. "Whatever is the matter?" he asked gently as he eased forward.

"I'm fine," she insisted.

Turning to close her door, he grunted. Then moving close to her, he shocked her by kneeling beside her chair. "You are not fine. Something has upset you. Please, tell me," he cajoled.

"I'm sorry," she said, glancing at him nervously. "I shouldn't have said those things earlier."

"Well, they did sting, I'll admit…especially coming from you. But I'm alright, no harm done," he said softly.

"But…I wanted…I…." she fidgeted with her handkerchief and wound it in a knot, something he had seen her do many times when she was upset.

"You wanted what?" he coaxed.

"Not that…not cross words exchanged. I'm afraid I've been out of sorts lately. Nothing serious… It's just… well… do you ever wonder?"

"Wonder? About what?" he asked, perplexed.

"About what it might have been like, to marry and have a family…" She was twisting her hankie again.

"I have wondered," he said quietly. And then a realization came to him. "I've actually wondered that a lot lately."

Her head shot up, her eyes meeting his. "You have?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "It seems that lately I've thought I might have missed something very special with someone very special. But it was fear, you see. I was afraid that if anything changed, I might loose what I have and that would be….heartbreaking, I think."

Lose what? Your place here, at Downton? Times are changing and…well, look at Anna and Mr. Bates."

"Perhaps… But that's not held me back. I thought if I said anything…did anything, I might loose that which is most precious to me."

Elise Hughes searched his face for his meaning. "Most precious? What could that be?"

It was as if time stopped in that moment, as if it froze for an instant as he met her gaze. He saw the yearning there, felt it within himself. And he knew the time had come to be open and honest. "You," he answered simply.

"Me?" she asked uncertainly.

"Yes. Lately it seems every word, every look, every moment with you is a treasure, the most valued moments of my day. And I've been afraid that if I said anything, it would spoil it all and I would lose those moments…lose you. And I couldn't bear that, I think."

Tears began to puddle in her eyes and she tried to blink them back. "You…are you saying….?"

"I'm saying that the reason I've been acting the fool is because I'm afraid. I've developed feelings for you that under most circumstances would be frowned upon but I can't seem to help how I feel. And …I …want to feel these things."

Her eyes glistened. "I…I believe I must have similar feelings for you as well," she admitted. "I've been content to just…let them be for quite some time. But recently, I find myself asking why not have something more?"

His face softened as his dark eyes studied hers. Then slowly, carefully, he lifted his hand to her face, his fingers resting along her jaw as he used his thumb to wipe away her tears. "I would like that very much…that something more," he said in a whisper. "Do you think…might we begin with…a kiss," he dared ask.

"I think that would be lovely," she replied tenderly.

This couple is growing on me. But I don't feel like I have their voices yet. Still, I hope you enjoyed.