A/N: Chapter title is a lyric from "Drops in the Lake," by Lord Huron. If you were secretly hoping for a smuttier chapter, guess what, here it is. The plot is still moving along as planned, but you know, these two deserve to have fun, happy sexy times as well. And there is a *point* to the porn in this chapter, so it's like…purposeful porn? That's totally a thing, right? ;)

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Chapter 38. Waves on the Shore

"I feel like this is the first time I've had something of like…importance up here," Mark says when Addison hands him a small magnet so he can secure their first sonogram photo on the freezer door, eye-level. It occurs to him that since there will be more pictures to come at future appointments, he and Addison need to invest in more magnets. He will let her pick them out, but he thinks that, eventually, alphabet ones would be fun to get for their kid. While growing up, the Shepherds always had that kind scattered all over their fridge. Mark holds back a laugh at a memory – his magnet privileges were revoked for failing to adhere to Carolyn's repeated requests that he stop arranging the letters into certain four-letter words. Then he sobers as he looks closer at the sonogram, taking in the grainy whorls of white and gray that make up a tiny person, now kidney bean-sized. "It's normally just the occasional takeout menu or note-to-self I put up. I didn't ever…" Mark's thumb flicks against one of the edges of the photo. "I didn't think I'd ever really get to be a 'fridge person.'" He turns towards Addison, who is standing beside him, and he smiles. "To have something that's actually worth displaying on the fridge, I mean."

"I get what you mean." Addison smiles warmly, and dips her head to rest it against his shoulder. There is nothing more important to her either than the photo now on the fridge, but she knows that she has been what Mark has deemed a "fridge person" for a long time now. It sort of happened naturally, the longer her relationship with Derek rolled on, a combination of sentimentality as well as the need to be organized not just for herself, but her partner, too. There were always grocery lists and to-do lists stuck to their fridge, but there were sweeter things, too. Well, are. There are still a handful of photos on the fridge at the brownstone. One of Phoebe. One Naomi sent her of Maya at her school's Christmas Pageant last winter. One of Addison and Derek that is a few years old, taken by Liz, both of them squinting a bit in the afternoon sun. And a few shots of her nieces and nephews throughout the years, if Addison is allowed to still refer to them as hers. She has not heard from any of the Shepherd sisters since the end of May (she also figures it is safe to assume they have started a new "Shepherd Ladies" group text without her). Derek was fairly quick to tell Nancy that he and Addison were separated – and why – but Addison is not sure if he has shared more recent information with Nancy or any of his other sisters yet.

The due date for Nancy's fourth baby is only two weeks away, and Addison would still really like to send her something. A receiving blanket, maybe, she thinks. And then August will eventually give way to several fall birthdays. She knows that Ollie is next. A birthday card with a twenty-dollar bill tucked inside would probably be best, and she will decide the moment she brings pen to cardstock if she should eliminate aunt in her signature.

"Now that we've had the first appointment," Addison continues, "I need to just take a deep breath and let my brother and parents know. Coworkers I'd like to hold off on until I reach the second trimester, but my parents…yeah." She does not feel at all surprised when Mark's hand cups her shoulder, trying to offer reassurance.

"When you feel ready to call, I can sit with you, if you want."

It was easier on Mark's end. He called his dad two nights ago. Everett was excited to hear about a "serious girlfriend" and a baby arriving in late winter, and responded positively when Mark said that maybe he and said girlfriend could come up for a visit sometime in the fall, so that Everett could meet her. Well, re-meet her. Everett met Addison once, five years ago at Jenny's funeral. Mark remembers how his dad thanked Addison for all her help with the service, for all the kindness she showed to him and his son. Hang on to this one, Everett told Derek.

Mark then sheepishly explained the backstory, careful to add in the fact that Derek has a girlfriend now (Mark does not know if the thing with the intern is still going on, but it felt like sharing that detail might soften the blow of parental judgment). He answered a few of Everett's questions (softer judgment, perhaps, but definitely judgment), while trying to recall when the second-to-last time Everett had seen Derek might have been. Maybe between freshman and sophomore year of college, if Derek was over at Mark's childhood home. Yes, that had to have been it. Mark's parents were not at Derek and Addison's wedding, and if they saw their son's best friend at Columbia's commencement ceremony, it was from their auditorium seats. Mark remembers his dad coming up to him after the ceremony to tell him that he was going to take Jenny back to the hotel. She was on some sort of bender, apparently, though of course it was framed with the ignore-the-real-issue perspective of "she got sick" before the ceremony concluded. Mark went to a joint dinner with the Shepherd and Montgomery families instead, and then briefly stopped by the Four Seasons later that night to sit on his mother's hotel bed while she sleepily told him – glassy-eyed and croaky-voiced – how proud she was of him, and that she loved him so much. Mark told her he loved her back, even though he really wanted to say, I'm so angry at you right now.

"I'm not angry at you," Everett added during their phone call, which drew Mark out of his thoughts. "Surprised you'd do something like this, with someone else's wife, but what's done is done. I'm glad you're happy though and excited about being a dad, and I'm glad she's happy, too. You should keep trying with Derek though. Maybe it'll take some time, but he might eventually forgive you. And as for Addison…you're being good to her, right? And supportive, given how many life changes she's going through right now?"

It took Mark a second to respond upon hearing Everett's concluding questions. He was struck by the fact that although this was his dad's voice, those were definitely Jenny's words.

"The call with Archer won't be too bad though, right?" Mark adds after Addison nods, seemingly in agreement with his offer to sit beside her when she calls her parents. "I mean, he already knows we're together, so that's not a surprise."

"He won't be mad at all," Addison confirms. She almost rolls her eyes as a new thought comes to her. "It'll open up a whole new market for him, actually. I'm sure he'd love to take our kid to the park and hit on the nannies and available mothers there."

"Maybe we don't let him watch our kid then," Mark says, laughing softly. It does occur to him though that Addison and Derek might have made the same joke about him if Mark's name ever came up when they casually discussed having children.

"Oh, he'll be fine," Addison says with a quick wave of her hand. "He'd probably actually really enjoy having a little niece or nephew to spoil. And when I tell Bizzy, she'll just be…disappointed in me. And embarrassed by my choices. The Captain, too, but his disappointment doesn't chip at me the way hers does. And Bizzy being disappointed about me ending my marriage and having a baby…out of wedlock, well." Addison's face is pained at using that expression. "Her disappointment will most likely bring a few tears to my hormonal eyes, but her reaction won't be unexpected. She'll adjust though, and I'll probably only have to deal with her begging me to remarry before the baby comes just seven or eight times. I can just nod along though and pretend to take her seriously. Plus, it's not like I'm expecting her to be a warm and fuzzy grandmother anyway, or be overly involved. Bizzy's primary concern will be what to tell her friends at Garden Club and Ladies Auxiliary and such. I'm not her biggest concern. Her future grandchild is not her biggest concern. It's more about the threat of how the situation will be perceived if she mentions it to others, or if people find out. Which they will, somehow. Greenwich WASP circles are generally well-informed. The worst part is I have to tell her this sober." Addison's nose wrinkles as she cringes. "And then I have to stay sober after I tell her. But, it's okay. I can do it. And yeah…yeah, maybe if you stuck around when I call, that would be good. Doing it on a Friday would probably be good. That way I would have the rest of the weekend to…recover from her reaction."

"Sorry." Mark steps behind her and settles his hand on her shoulders. "I probably didn't need to further a discussion about heavier stuff right before we turn in…and get you all wound up." He works his fingers in small circles against her muscles.

"In your defense," Addison says with a thin smile, "the majority of the stuff we're dealing with is heavy stuff. Are you massaging me because you feel bad and you're trying to unwind me, or because you're trying to…unwind me?"

He chuckles at her meaning. "I feel like it's been a really long time since I've had to try to do something to get you in the mood. Me just having a pulse seems to be enough lately. I thought this was more of a second trimester thing, but apparently not with you…"

"Makes sense that the first thing you'd want to read up on in your 'what to expect' book is your odds of getting laid each trimester," she jokes. "Lynette would be so annoyed if she knew."

"Ha-ha," Mark replies sarcastically. "No, that's not something I've read anywhere. I think it's just one of those things everyone sort of knows and makes reference to."

"Yeah, that's true. Hey, Mark…" Addison turns around in his embrace, and he drops him arms, wrapping them around her waist. "This morning at our appointment, when I said your name super-fast…"

Mark nods. When Dr. O'Leary walked into the exam room and said good morning, Addison quickly said, "This is my boyfriend, Mark. Mark Sloan." And Mark understood, because he could see the way the OB's mouth had rounded when she looked at him, probably prepared to say something like, "And you must be Derek." He assumed that Addison has mentioned her husband's name in passing to her doctor before, and even if she hadn't mentioned it, the names Derek Shepherd and Addison Montgomery-Shepherd are pretty well-known in the greater medical community, and in the five boroughs in particular.

"No, I know," Mark tells her. "You were just trying to get ahead of it."

"Right," she replies. "I just…I hope it didn't feel like…I hope you don't ever feel like I'm embarrassed about you. Or because of you. It's not that. It's just the awkwardness of having to tell people – both people who know Derek, and people who might never have met him, but still know his name and that he's my husband – that I'm getting a divorce, and that I'm with someone else now. There's also just…an exhausting quality to it. And I would have told you that sooner, that it's not about you, but then…" Addison wiggles a finger at the sonogram, and her lips pull up in a smile. "Then that happened during the appointment, and I swear I've been walking around with hearts in my eyes like a cartoon character or something ever since."

Mark grins. He understands that, and it is not like the awkwardness of Addison saying he was her boyfriend as though the entire sentence was just one long word with an implied please-don't-ask-follow-ups truly stuck with him anyway. It might be a cliché, but the moment their baby was visible on the ultrasound monitor, it really did take his breath away. So he gets the heart eyes thing, for sure.

"I'd understand if you're embarrassed to be seen with me though," he says, wanting to make her laugh. "I know I'm not much to look at."

"Wow, not even mildly convincing," Addison responds. "It's just…it's been nice to subscribe to the 'you-me-baby and then everything else' strategy, and keep my mouth shut about my personal life in the outside world, but I know that's not sustainable. I just need to keep reminding myself that I'm not going to have to spend the rest of my life talking about my current circumstances. I'll tell people, and they'll know, and then eventually more people will know. And I…I will always feel bad for hurting Derek, and regret that my relationship with you couldn't have had a more wholesome beginning, but I don't have any regrets about being with you. You and our heart-eyes-inducing baby are the most important things to me."

"I know. And ditto. Hey…what if we go to the Hamptons one of these weekends? And do some mental unwinding? Sexual unwinding too if you want, yeah, but getting out of the city for a minute would be nice. Although…maybe I'm kind of becoming a freeloader about your vacation home. I know it's not mine, and with homeowner stuff not for sure off the table -"

"I can't imagine any scenario in which Derek would fight for the Hamptons house. You know he hates it there. But I don't know about…I don't know about keeping it," Addison admits. "I have history with you there. Good history. It's where I knew for sure that I was in love with you. And you've always enjoyed and appreciated spending time with me there in a way Derek didn't. I like being there with you. But for as much as there's history there with you, there's history there with Derek, too, and it wasn't like it was all bad history. So it might just…be a little too weird for me, in the long run."

"You wanna just board up the main bedroom, and then never discuss it again?" Mark jokes. "More seriously though…" he spreads one of his palms across her back, and traces soft circles. "Whatever you decide is fine. And if you did sell the place, it's not like we're banished from the Hamptons or something. We could always get a weekend rental from time to time. Or…maybe one day…get a place of our own?" He grins weakly. "I know that's a huge step."

"Yeah. Just a little bit huge." The smile Addison offers him is equally strained.

"I mean it though, Red." She still feels relaxed enough in Mark's arms that he can tell that while it is a definitely-not-right-now-plan, Addison is not necessarily terrified over the implied commitment behind his statement. "And the marriage thing…what you think Bizzy will needle you about…look, if it's important to you -"

"If you're about to suggest we get married right now, I might kill you. This would kind of be the worst proposal ever."

Mark taps her on the nose, which makes her fake pout and giggle. "And a bit too polygamy-ish, as things currently stand," he adds. "I'm just trying to say if you want to have a husband again one day, I'm on board, okay? I'm on board." He watches as her smile lengths. "It's not like we're dating just to date or something, right?"

"Right." She nods, a little buoyed by his words. "That's true. And…and yeah. One day. Not right now, but one day, yeah, to getting married again. The thing is though…" her eyes narrow mischievously. "I don't think Russell Crowe in-his-prime is single."

"Hey," Mark says, feigning offense. He shifts one of his hands down her back, and Addison lets out a little squeal when he swats at her flesh.

"Did you just spank me?"

Mark stamps his lips in the space between her neck and shoulder, but the action is more encouragement than it is an apology. "Oh, come on. You know you liked it," he murmurs.

"Mm-hmm." Addison hates to give Mark the satisfaction of knowing he is right, but because his palm landing on her ass just gave her some satisfaction that she was not quite anticipating (and okay, maybe a lot more than some), it is sort of a tough thing to lie about it. "I…I kind of did."

"I could do it again, you know."

"And I could let you. We are planning to head to bed, so…" Addison lifts an eyebrow. "I suggest you bring those spank-y hands with you."

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Eleven Years Earlier

Now. Mrs. Silverman – one of those women that for whatever reason, Addison as an adult just cannot bring herself to call by her first name – has just left Bizzy's side, which offers a small window of potential alone time before Bizzy inevitably flits on to another guest. Addison tugs up a little on her satin and taffeta gown as she makes her way across the room. She notices how the light streaming in from the windows looks pretty on the tiny beads of lace on her wedding dress. Bizzy was right. That would (and did) make today's wedding photos "pop" a little more.

"Bizzy…" she says when she reaches her mother's side. "I hope you've been able to enjoy yourself today." Addison watches as her mother's head cocks at her words, and she realizes she is already off to an unfortunate start. Maybe it sounded too much like an accusation or an insult, when really she means for it to be a compliment. Addison keeps speaking quickly, hoping to make her point clear. "Thank you for all of this." Her hand sweeps around the elegant reception hall. "The wedding was so beautiful, and perfect. And this – this is perfect, too. So I hope you're at least able to relax a bit. I know how much time and effort you put into planning all of this, and I didn't really get a chance to tell you that sooner today. So, thank you. Thank you, truly, for all of this. Derek and I are both so grateful."

Bizzy offers a mild shrug. "It's what mothers do, dear."

"No." Addison shakes her head. "Not all mothers would do as much as you did to make today so special. So, thank you." She leans in and kisses her mother's cheek. "I love you, Bizzy," she adds quietly.

(Later, when their wedding photographer sent Derek and Addison their photos, this was one of them – the kiss was caught by the photographer, unbeknownst to the two women. The picture never gained a place on any of the display shelves or tables in the Shepherd home though. It got buried somewhere in the middle of the wedding album instead, alongside a few staged photos of mother and daughter getting ready before the ceremony. It really was a lovely image, but because of the conversation attached to it, it made Addison a little sad.)

"Thank you. And I you," Bizzy says in response, which is absolutely not the same thing as I love you, too. But then again, Addison decides, it is not like she has ever expressly told her mother, I want you to say that you love me. Nor has she ever asked Bizzy, Why do I have no memories of you saying it and why can't you seem to be able to say it?

Bizzy offers her a tight smile, and gestures back to the other side of the room, where Savvy and Naomi and the Shepherd sisters – some of Addison's bridesmaids – are raising their arms, beckoning her over. Addison raises an eyebrow when she see their hands shift towards Derek, who is ambling to the front of the room with a guitar in hand. She is both intrigued and surprised. Her husband – wow, it feels surreal to finally being able to say that – can play a little bit (not that he does much anymore since his fingers are busy with long hours of residency), but "play a little bit" does not necessarily translate into great idea to play at a wedding reception. And then Addison spots Mark next to Derek, perhaps hyping him up. She starts to laugh. Whatever this is, and however it turns out, she is excited to see it. Surprises like this are ones she can handle.

"Now," Bizzy says, giving Addison's elbow a light nudge to get her moving towards Derek. "Go have fun, Addison. Make sure you say hello to anyone you haven't gotten to yet, but have fun. The rest of the day will go by so quickly and you won't want to forget any of it."

And I you. Addison tries the words out in her head as she makes her way back over to her friends, and to her husband, who is grinning conspiratorially as he reaches the microphone, guitar still pressed to his chest. Close. But no dice.

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Warmth continues to spread everywhere as Mark and Addison rock slowly together, having finally transitioned to a more upright position. A well-placed hand on her lower back helps guide her movements while she straddles Mark's thighs, but it is the other hand that is making her gasp and pant and drop her head back while pleasure sweeps through her. Mark takes his time working over her heated skin, starting with stroking her face, neck, and throat, and then moving down her torso, letting one of her breasts fill his open palm with each forward motion. His lips suck on a nipple, followed by the caress of his tongue. Knowing she is still a little sensitive there, he does not do it for too long, but is sure to repeat the action on her other breast. A dance of his fingertips across her stomach comes next, and then he moves his hand to where their bodies are joined, brushing over her most sensitive nerve endings. It does not take long after that. A finger rubbing against her and some sort of powerful circling thing Mark always does with his hips that Addison doesn't really know how to explain is all that is needed for the coil of tension building inside her for the past few minutes to erupt. The seizing of her muscles brings Mark over the edge with her.

"Oh my God…that was incredible."

"Mm," Mark says in agreement, pressing his lips against the corner of Addison's mouth. He rubs his hands over her thighs for a minute, soothing her limbs until she uses her remaining energy (and it is not much, as they have had a pretty busy night enjoying one another) to lift herself out of his lap.

They make a few adjustments and then lie down close to one another. They trade slow, lazy kisses, just simple catches and tugs of lower lips. Addison loves this part, in the after. Not much in terms of physical sensation tops an orgasm from Mark (in her opinion), but she does love this, too, this nearness while they wait for their bodies to calm down.

Mark moves his thumb along her jawline. "I just remembered…" he begins, smiling at her. "You know what we still haven't done?"

"I'm not that kind of girl. And also, we've done several different things this evening, Mark. My body has been stretched in ways that might just defy the laws of physics. So if you do anything else to me tonight, I'm going to be bow-legged tomorrow."

Mark chuckles lightly in response. "Your bow-legged self can sit during the car ride, at least. I'm the one who has to drive, and on the way back to the city do you think I'll be able to turn my neck at all to look out my side mirror? Because I don't. Your thighs basically clamped shut around me like a Venus flytrap earlier. You probably caused considerable damage to my cervical spine. The things I do…" he touches his lips to hers again. "To make you feel good…"

Addison feels compelled to banter back, because it is not like she is making Mark spend so much time between her thighs and do all the phenomenal things he does with his fingers and tongue (plus, she knows Mark enjoys it, possibly an unreasonable amount), but she quickly becomes lost in the languid kisses they're exchanging again. She sighs contently against Mark's mouth while he runs a hand up and down her body, outlining the curves of her side.

"I'm so happy. God, I'm just…so happy right now," Addison whispers when they pull apart, but such a statement only drives Mark closer again. Her eyes slide shut in anticipation, but he surprises her when he passes over her mouth this time and touches his lips to her forehead instead. Addison feels his hand cover her stomach, and she grins. Mark has not mentioned it yet, but she knows it is only a matter of time until he tells her their baby is now almost the size of a grape. "Happy," she repeats, still smiling.

"Me too, Red."

Mark goes lower, gauging her reaction as his hand cups around her. She shifts a little, rolling onto her back. Her legs fall open for him again, which is all the encouragement Mark needs. It is just gentle grazing on the outside at first, knowing how much she likes initially being touched in that way, but when Addison starts to make noises of encouragement and wriggle against him, he gives her more. He sucks hard on her neck while two of his fingers build a steady rhythm inside her. Addison arches her back when the pace and pressure increases, yanking on the dampened sheets beneath her as she tightens around him.

Afterwards, when her breathing has eased and her body is longer humming with pleasant aftershocks, Addison settles herself on Mark's chest, chin resting on the back of her hands so she can maintain eye contact. He reaches out and threads a few sweat-beaded strips of hair away from her face.

"If I say 'thank you,' is your ego going to swell even more?"

"No, but something else -" his response is clipped short when Addison makes a sound in the back of her throat that is half-amusement and half why-are-you-such-a-teenager. "You're welcome though," Mark adds instead, and in his head, he says a thank you back. He reacted strongly when she said she was happy. He could not help it; he knows he is part of the reason why Addison would use that adjective, but it is still stirring. And all he wanted to do upon hearing it was reach between her legs and make her feel good again.

"What were we even talking about before?" She smirks when Mark gives her a look that indicates he no longer remembers, either. He shakes his head, uncertain. "Before happiness and the trouble my thighs and everything in between them gets us both into…you said there was something you wanted to do," she continues.

It takes a moment, and then Mark nods. "Oh, yeah. I meant…before you started talking about your troublesome thighs, I was going to say we haven't gone to the newborn nursery together, or the NICU. You know, so I can hold a baby." His smile is crooked, a little shy. "We talked about me holding a baby a few weeks ago. And I…I haven't yet. I haven't gotten to hold a baby yet."

"You're right. We definitely need to do that. You'll be at NYP on Wednesday, right? Just come find me when you're done for the day."

"Okay, good. Yeah. And it's probably a good idea to do it sooner rather than later since we're going to have Savvy and Weiss come over with Phoebe sometime soon. You talk about Phoebe a lot. Like, in my head, I've built her up to be this powerful, all-knowing, legendary baby who I'm not worthy of holding, so…" he smirks teasingly. "I can't wait to meet her and discover she's a total dud or something."

"Mark!" Addison starts to laugh, and affects some outrage on her favorite non-dud baby's behalf.

"I'm kidding. Oh." He grins when Addison's fingertips begin tracing the length of him. "Hi. Hi there." He studies her eyes, once more shaded dark with lust. "Are we going again? Man, you and me this weekend…we're clearly going for some sort of record-breaking, earth-shattering, mind-blowing -"

Addison leans forward and quiets him with a kiss. "'Yes' to again," she says when she pulls back. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Now let me see if I can help you unwind a bit more, but not have my neck destroyed in the process…"

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Ten Years Earlier

"He's in his own world over there." Addison nods her head in the direction of Sam, who is sitting in the rocking chair on the other side of the postpartum room, giving Maya a bottle and talking softly to her. She turns back to Naomi, and waits for her friend – currently in sandwich heaven after having avoided deli meats for the past nine months – to swallow a bite of the lunch Addison brought her.

"He is," Naomi agrees when her mouth is no longer full. "Fatherhood looks good on him. I knew it would, but I didn't realize just how good."

"And motherhood looks good on you. Nai…" Addison grins happily, and scoots her chair a little closer to her friend's hospital bed. "You're someone's mommy."

"I'm someone's mommy," Naomi repeats, eyes flickering over to Maya, just about sixteen hours old now. "And you will be too, one day."

Addison offers a small nod. "One day," she says. "I want to wait until my residency is done, and probably also until my fellowship – I'm thinking genetics – is done." Addison has told Naomi this before, so it is not news, but she feels compelled to repeat it for some reason anyway. She probably does not need to make this about herself, but by mentioning it, didn't Naomi make it about her? She was the one who brought up the subject. Addison doesn't necessarily blame her friend for it; it is just how people are, as though deciding to ask women when they plan to have children is outlined somewhere in federal legislation. She is used to it by now though. She gets it from her sisters-in-law, her mother-in-law, the occasional friend, the occasional relative, the occasional coworker, and has fielded the "Do you have kids?" question from more patients than she can count. She does not get it from Bizzy and the Captain, but she chalks this up to indifference more than manners. She assumes her parents would like the idea of a grandchild (probably more than the actual grandchild himself), but they do not seem particularly fussed about their daughter and son-in-law not trying to get pregnant yet.

"You have the right idea, career-wise. I'm already cringing thinking about how much catch-up I'm going to have to play to finish my residency on time with my class because I wasn't willing to wait any longer and want to take a long maternity leave," Naomi admits. "But Sam and I still managed to convince ourselves that now was the right time…or we just convinced ourselves that the right time and ideal time might not always be the same thing. For us, at least. And…obviously we have no regrets. I mean, just look at her."

Addison follows Naomi's gaze back to her sweet daughter. "Maya's beautiful," she says, "and I'm so honored to be her godmother. That face is going to get plastered all over my fridge. She'll be my occasional baby fix until I have one of my own. I think waiting would also give me time to just… feel more prepared." Addison draws in a breath, feeling a bit nervous for sharing this. "You know what my parenting role models are like. So sometimes…I don't know. I don't know why I'm talking about this." The truth is, it is hard to talk about this. With anyone. Naomi, Savvy, Derek. It does not matter who. Addison is most comfortable talking about it with her husband, of course, and Derek listens and provides reassurances and he truly is just sweet about it, but the reality is, Derek has a good, loving mother, and he had a good, loving father. He will not ever really be able to understand the extent of her concerns. No one who has more conventional parents can. "This is your day and Maya's day, and here I am rambling."

"Addie." Naomi shakes her head. "You're going to be an amazing mother. Don't ever be worried about that. The world you came from isn't going to affect how you parent in a bad way. I promise. You'll be great. And you'll be ready when the time comes, and you'll know when that time is. But I'll just say that for lunch breaks…having a partner who is a good dad and a good baby-holder is definitely a bonus. And I know you're all set there."

. .
. .

"This is Maya," Addison says, a bright smile on her face as she crosses the nursery. She had Mark sit down in one of the rocking chairs first while she went over to one of the hospital basinets to gather one of the babies into her arms.

Mark's eyebrows arch up. "Wait. For real?"

"No. That would have been hilarious though. This little miss…" she carefully deposits the baby into his nervous arms. "Is Emma. I delivered her yesterday morning." She places a hand on Mark's shoulder, watching as he takes in the baby's tiny features.

"Am I doing this right?" Mark asks quietly.

"You are. You just want to be sure to support the head. You know…" Addison's fingers squeeze at his shoulder. "This looks really, really good on you."

"Yeah." Mark nods, watching Emma's nose wiggle as she shifts a little in her sleep. "It feels good, too. She's not…she's so tiny and light, but more…more sturdy than I thought her weight would feel in my arms, I guess. Thank you," he adds, voice low. "Thank you for this."

"Anytime. You're definitely ready for Miss Phoebe now. And when you're ready, you can be the one to bring Emma back over to her bassinet and lay her down. It's easy. Then we can get outta here. I just need to stop by the nurses' station before we leave. I asked Charlene to follow-up with me about one of my patients."

Addison smiles later when Charlene says hello to her, handing over the chart so Addison can put something else on it. "You know, Charlene." She glances up at the woman, and exhales a short, breathy laugh. "Every time you say 'Doctor Montgomery,' you give me this look like you're expecting me to give you a gold star for getting it right."

"Well, it is a shift," Charlene says defensively, briefly joining her in laughter. And Addison nods, because she definitely understands. And agrees. It is a shift for her, too, to chop her last name in half. She has started to quietly correct colleagues in the past week when they address her ("It's actually just Montgomery now. Dr. Shepherd and I are getting a divorce."), and yesterday she asked Nina who she could talk to about getting a new lab coat with the appropriate name.

"Ready to go?" Mark asks when it is just the two of them again. He pats a hand against the counter, and turns to face her. "Oh," he says quietly when he sees the look on Addison's face. "You okay?" He tries to decipher her expression. Hesitance and wariness are the words that come to mind first. Addison mentioned to him yesterday that maybe it was strange, but as far as her feelings at the moment, it does not exactly hurt to think of not having -Shepherd at the end of her name. It just feels a little surreal. "What is it?" Mark asks as he feels her knuckles briefly brush against the side of his hand.

"I just want to…" Addison trails off with a shake of her head. Her hand retreats, and her fingers curl inward, unsure. Mark thinks back to that day in Central Park – only a few hours before Derek walked in on them. Addison told him how much she wished she could hold his hand, to hold it out in the open. And now she slides her hand forward again. Closer, but not exactly touching his.

"Addison…" Mark flips his hand so that his palm is facing up, an offering. "If you want to hold hands in public, it'll be fine. Go ahead. Take my hand. I promise the world won't end if you do." And then she gives him a small nod, and sets her hand on top of his, lacing their fingers together.

She feels like maybe this is what real, enduring intimacy is supposed to be, in a way that taking her clothes off and getting in bed with Mark is just not. This is different, Addison decides as they walk down the hall together and proceed to the main lobby, surgeons and nurses and technicians filtering around the path they are cutting along the way. This is different. Sex is every sound, scent, and vision that gets amplified in the bedroom. Sex is kisses that leave her breathless and Mark's fingers hooked inside her and the pattern-tracing strokes of his tongue along her stomach and the way he flips her from one position to the next with unbelievable ease and the warmth of his hipbones grinding against hers and any other physical act that makes her tighten around him and completely unravel. And the pleasure they give one another is intimate, yes, but it isn't this.

Holding Mark's hand: this is true intimacy. And in this moment, it is somehow more vulnerable and meaningful than any of the primal aches that have ushered them here.

She realizes Mark is right. The world does not end as they walk out of NYP together, looking very much like a couple to anyone who sees them. If anything, Addison discovers, getting to hold his hand makes the world a bit better, actually.

. .
. .

References/Nods to Various Episodes

Grey's, 2x01. Addison tells Derek, "Your hair's different. It's longer. I like it. It's very Russell Crowe." And then Addison later adds, "You know I've always had a thing for Russell Crowe." This episode aired in September 2005, hence referencing a more…youthful version of RC in this chapter. Heh.

Private Practice, 3x11. Mark accuses Addison of being "wound up" (and I am 100% positive that him saying, "You're wound up, Addie. Just admit it." is the only time he ever called her Addie in canon). I probably don't need to explain *the spank* because real Mark/Addison fans already know, but in the interest of this already being a smut-filled chapter, I'll set the scene anyway: Mark and Addison post-sex, naked, legs spread and basically presenting themselves towards her office door (just gonna toot my own horn and say that I cover a situationally-modified version of this extremely excellently in chapter 30 of MTGOF). Her office door is unlocked, because they are Smart People.
Mark: "I forgot how much fun you were."
Addison: "Yeah, well, that's what happens when you date children. You forget what it's like…to be with a woman."
Mark: "Hey." *popping sound* *little Addison oh/noise* "No being mean about Lexie."
Addison: "Did you just spank me?" And then there is a little bit more banter and playful wrestling and the beginning of more sexy times and then they are interrupted because, again: the unlocked door.

Private Practice, 4x13.
Addison: "Even though you can't say it, you've never said it, I love you. And I am here."
Bizzy: "Thank you." Also in that episode, while Addison was planning Bizzy's wedding (and it was not going super great), Addison said to her, "You do realize that I didn't even plan my own wedding?" I thought there was a point where Bizzy explicitly stated she planned Addison's wedding, but perhaps it was just implied via this statement.

Show nods previously mentioned in author's notes: the "Mark's never held a baby thing before" thing and the love song Derek wrote Addison for their wedding day.

Grey's, 3x21.
Mark: "Twenty-eight more days and then it's you and me in a locked room for a record-breaking, earth-shattering, mind-blowing -"
Addison: "Okay, I get it. Thank you."

(Also, just now realizing that although it was not a conscious decision while I was doing it, the term "fridge person" was definitely accidentally taken from New Girl)

Thank you for reading! Next chapter will be considerably less smutty, BUT Savvy and Lynette are being brought back into the fold. I have two scenes I wrote several months now, and I'm very excited to share them (in this chapter, Addison mentioned that the 'you and me and everything else' mindset isn't eternally sustainable, which is very much true…it's nice to have a village around you when you have a kiddo).