It felt like hours later when Jack finally re entered his quarters. Ash had long ago taken to sitting down at his desk, still wrapped in the blanket he put her in. She even had one of his rum bottles open and was sipping it, enjoying the warmth that spread through her when she drank. She was cold, and had to grudgingly admit to herself that Jack knew what he was doing when he stripped her of her clothing. She'd be far colder than she was now if he hadn't. But he was still clothed, and dripping. Ash didn't move, or speak. She only stared at him. He looked pissed, and she didn't have anything to say.
"What... the bloody hell were you thinking?" he seethed, glaring at her.
"I was thinking it looked like you could use all the help you could get," she replied.
"Did you not notice that we all had lines tied around our waists to secure us to the mast? Just in case we were swept overboard, so we wouldn't drown?"
His voice climbed at the end to a shout, but Ash wasn't afraid or sad. In fact, she felt strangely hollow inside. She actually hadn't noticed that fact, but now that he brought it up, that made sense.
"Oh."
"Oh," Jack mocked.
He shook his head in irritation and turned away, pacing back and forth before the desk. Ash watched him calmly, not saying anything. Finally, he stopped pacing and turned to look at her.
"I am captain, aye?"
Ash thought it over, then nodded once.
"I know this ship bow to stern, port to starboard, top to bottom. I know every situation possible and how to face it. Other pirates, fire, flooding, storms. Years of experience. So next time I give you an order, you follow it, savvy?"
Again, she had to think about that. Instead of agreeing, she ran into a snag in his logic, and felt she should voice it.
"But I'm not one of your crew," she said serenely, "Not really. I'm just here briefly to see to it that Roger doesn't kill you. So doesn't that technically place me outside the usual ship hierarchy?"
Jack stared at her as if she had grown an extra head. Then he strode over to her and took the rum bottle from her hand, giving it a curious shake.
"How much of this have you had?"
"Not much," she assured him, "Just a bit, to warm me up some. I think tea would have worked better, but you locked me in here. I couldn't reach the galley."
She shrugged, as if to say, What was I supposed to do? Jack sighed and set the bottle back down on the desk.
"The point is, I am still captain. Everyone onboard my ship does what I order, whether they're part of the crew or not. I have experiences you haven't had. I know things you don't. When I give an order, it's usually for a good reason, for safety. If you ignore me, or stand around debating said order, something bad could happen. Like it did today, only you'd be dead now if I hadn't gone in after you. Savvy?"
"No, I do not savvy," Ash retorted, pouting a bit, "I would have been fine. I told you, I can swim. You could have just dropped a line."
"Even a good swimmer has difficulty in a sea in storm," Jack argued, "And more than that, it isn't part of our code to stop and help a man that falls behind, or overboard for that matter."
"But I'm not a man. And you need me to – oh!"
Ash's eyes lit up.
"That's why you did it! You need me to save your sorry ass from Roger."
"No, that – " Jack cut himself off and sighed deeply.
He turned away from her.
"Blast it," he said, so quietly she almost didn't hear.
Her head tilted to one side.
"What?" she asked, curious.
"You – " again, he broke off, but this time, a frustrated sounding chuckle followed.
Ash frowned and got to her feet, reaching out a hand. But before she could touch him, he turned around to face her suddenly, his dark eyes ablaze.
"I can't lose you," he told her, "I can't. Alright?"
Ash stared at him. Did he hit his head on something out there? Concerned, she reached up and put the back of her hand to his forehead. It was warmer than she cared for it to be, but not enough to announce a fever had already set in.
"Jack. How long were you out there?"
He shrugged.
"Sun isn't out yet. How should I know?"
"I think you need to get out of those clothes."
A slow smile spread across his face.
"I knew you'd warm up to me eventually."
Scowling, Ash slapped him across the face. Not hard, just enough to jolt him out of his lewd mental fantasies.
"Ow!" Jack protested, putting a hand to his cheek.
"Oh you big baby, I didn't hit you that hard. You've had worse from me and you know it."
Going around behind him, she tugged at his coat until it was off him, and threw it on the back of the chair. He didn't protest as she peeled his clothes off him, he even kicked off his boots to aid her. When she got to his pants, she blushed red as a tomato, but yanked them off him anyway with an air of as much clinical detachment as she could manage. Now that he was fully naked, Ash pushed him onto his bed and turned away, blanket wrapped tightly around her.
"You're just going to leave me?" he asked as she walked towards the door.
"Yep," she responded, nose in the air, the blanket she was wrapped in so large that she had a train as she walked.
Then a thought made her stop. If she went out there, the crew would see her. Sure she had the blanket around her, but... Reluctantly, she glanced over her shoulder at the bed Jack currently occupied. There wasn't another blanket. She couldn't really, truly leave him to freeze and possibly catch a cold. But if she gave him the blanket, the crew would see her naked as she went to her own room to dress in dry clothes and get warm.
"We could share," Jack suggested, as if reading her mind.
Ash glared at him.
"There's as much chance of that happening as a snowball has of surviving in hell," she told him, and walked out of his quarters.
Ignoring the crew's stares, she went to her room and dressed in a spare set of dry clothes. When she had done that, she returned to Jack's quarters to wrap him in the blanket he had loaned her. He was already shivering. Frowning, she went to go make the tea she had been day dreaming about earlier, but she made more than one cup. Bringing the tea up to his quarters again, she held his head up enough so he could drink. He couldn't sit up and drink on his own, because she had wrapped him tight as a mummy in that blanket.
"You wizards and your nasty teas," Jack complained.
"My nasty teas are going to help you feel better," Ash retorted, "Drink."
Once he had ingested enough to satisfy her, Ash gently put his head down and instructed him to go to sleep. She drank the remainder of the tea and went out on deck to look for Gibbs. To her surprise, he and the rest of the crew had already changed into dry clothes. When she brought it up, he snorted in amusement.
"We're not daft," he informed her.
Unlike Jack.
"Well, Jack is going to be out of it for a while," she said quietly so only he could hear her, "And I think we all need a rest after that. Any way we can find somewhere to dock for a bit?"
Gibbs thought it over.
"Aye," he said at last, "Should be a beach nearish to here that we can stop at."
A corner of her mouth quirked upwards.
"'Nearish'?" she echoed, "Technical term, is it?"
"Aye," Gibbs answered, lifting his chin unashamedly and walking away from her.
Ash couldn't help chuckling. When her stomach grumbled, she decided she had better make food, and went below to the galley to figure something out. She felt like having a savory, meaty stew, but a good stew took hours to make. So for the short term, she cut bread and cheese for everyone, and passed the portions out to them as they trickled in. She debated if she should take some to Jack, but eventually decided she didn't want to disturb his sleep, and she'd just give him a larger serving of stew later. She worked on making the stew and sat nearby to watch it simmer once everything was in the pot. A fire wasn't going to start because she walked away from the stove. A short time later, she felt the keel of the ship grating into something, and guessed they had pulled the ship up onto the beach. A few minutes after that, Gibbs came wandering into the galley.
"Can I help you?" Ash wanted to know, setting aside her grimoire.
"Just thought ye should know..." he began uneasily, shifting his weight from foot to foot, "We don't... we don't stop or go in after someone when they fall overboard."
"Jack mentioned it. Then again, he can't let me die before I save him from Roger or he will die too."
"I can see the reasonin' in that. But I don't think that's why he did it."
Ash blinked at him. A suspicion began to form, and a warning look came into her eyes.
"No. Stop right there. Jack doesn't care about me. At most he just wants in my pants."
"Funny how someone that's been trained to see things others can't also can't see something blatantly obvious right in front of them."
"Gibbs..." Ash said warningly.
"Do ye think he'd risk his life for just anyone? I've never seen him do that before. Ever. He's always looked after his own hide first."
Ash sighed deeply.
"That's exactly what he was doing, as I've already said. It's nothing more than that."
"Oh aye? Then he wasn't upset with ye for going over."
Ash looked away. She didn't want to answer that because it would only give him more ammunition.
"You don't know what's in his heart," she said quietly, "No one knows that except for him."
"Aye. But what about your heart?"
Ash looked at him quickly, glaring with all the anger she could muster.
"This is none of your business," she said in a clipped tone.
"Alright. But I reserve to right to say 'I told ye so' when ye both stop being blind fools."
Ash had to resist a very strong temptation to throw something at the back of his head as he walked out of the galley. But she'd just cleaned up, and had nothing nearby to throw, except for her grimoire. Damned if she'd throw that. Sniffing in irritation, she picked up her grimoire and opened it, going back to searching for something to use against Roger. Occasionally she would get up and stir the stew, but other than that, she stayed in the galley for the next couple hours. A taste test ages later signaled that it was done, and she happily began spooning some into bowls. The crew, who always seemed to know exactly when food was prepared, began to come in. Ash sat on a stool and actually moaned when she got a chance to start eating. Her eyes rolled up, her toes curled inside her boots, and she shivered as warmth flowed through her. The stew was hot, well spiced, savory, and the meat was so incredibly juicy and tender. After being half frozen by the storm earlier, this was bliss. She even went back for seconds, which she rarely indulged in.
"I'm a fuckin' genius," she mumbled through a mouthful of stew, to no one in particular.
Jack needed to know of her genius. In a considerably better mood now that she had warm food in her belly, she spooned a large helping of stew into a bowl, put it on a tray next to a hunk of bread and a spoon, and made an herbal infusion. Humming, she took it up to Jack's quarters, closed the door behind her with her foot, and set the tray down on the desk. Jack was still sleeping. Limbs sprawled so that he was like a starfish, his mouth was open, and a light snoring sound came from his throat. The blanket had gotten tangled and lay half on the floor, almost exposing Jack completely. Luckily, a portion of the blanket still covered his manhood.
"Jack," Ash said gently.
When that didn't work, she put a hand to his naked shoulder and shook him slightly, calling his name again. He snorted and sat up suddenly, and the jerking movement he made caused the rest of the blanket to fall to the deck in surrender. It had hung on for so long through so much, gods bless it. She got it off the deck and held it up, spreading it wide to serve as a screen, or perhaps a shield, between her and Jack's nakedness.
"Jack, you need to eat something," she said, "There's food at your desk."
It wasn't a long way away, but Jack still groaned in protest, and when she heard a rustling signaling he was getting up, she peeked over the blanket enough to see where she was going. Moving around behind him, she draped the blanket over his shoulders, and his hands automatically grasped it and drew it tight around him as he shuffled to the desk.
"No more tea, please," he begged, seeing the steaming mug on the tray.
"It's an infusion," Ash corrected.
Not that he would like the taste of that any better, as it was actually stronger. Still, he had to learn to take his medicine like a good patient. She dragged a chair over to sit across from him as he ate, watching him closely. His eyes drooped half closed, his shoulders were hunched, and his head bowed low over the bowl. He had to be feeling rotten.
"You might want to drink some of my 'nasty tea'," Ash told him quietly, "You can wash the taste out of your mouth with some stew."
Now she knew he was feeling horrible, because he didn't even argue. He took a few gulps of the infusion, grimaced at the taste, and went back to the stew, then took a bite of the bread. He continued to eat in this pattern, methodically working his way through the meal without speaking. Another bad sign. Usually, he never shut up. When he finished, he stood mutely and shuffled back over to bed. While she was glad he wasn't insisting to get dressed and go see to the running of his ship, she was also worried. He had to be feeling terribly, she was certain of it now. In her experience, when someone lively and determined like him only wanted to sleep, didn't even want to get up and eat, they were in a bad way. Checking his forehead as she covered him up, she found he was indeed warmer than he had been earlier.
He would need more infusions soon. But that could come later, after he had slept some. Ash went out on deck and saw it was already dark. The crew had lit lanterns, pulled up some seats, and were scattered around the deck in small groups. Some played cards, others simply drank, and Andrew was playing some gentle music. Deciding to join them, Ash accepted a bottle of rum and leaned on the rail beside Jahir.
"Ever played liar's dice?" Gunnar asked her suddenly.
"No, but I'm always open to new experiences," Ash replied, walking over to the group of men clustered near the mast.
They were sitting in a circle on crates around a barrel that made up a makeshift table. They explained the game to her as she sipped at her rum, the wheels of her mind already turning. They went around the circle making bets on the dice under their cups, checked the dice they had, and went around a second time. When Ash's time came, her eyes shifted slightly just before she announced her bet.
"You be lying through your teeth, captain my captain," Jahir said suddenly.
Ash arched one eyebrow, and revealed her dice. Jahir's face visibly fell slack and blank when he saw she had, in fact, been telling the truth. Smiling, Ash collected the gold that had been in the pile in the center of the barrel.
"Never play mind games against a wizard," she advised, "You'll lose every time."
Standing, she patted him on the shoulder in consolation as he put his bald head in his big hands.
"Andrew!" Ash called to the musician, "Can we get something a little more lively?"
He nodded and began to strum an upbeat song that soon set the crew's feet to dancing. Ash joined in, linking elbows with one man and spinning around with him, then switching partners. She started to get dizzy and laughed regularly, thoroughly enjoying herself. That was how Jack saw her when he emerged from his quarters. He had dressed slowly in simply pants and a shirt before going to see what the noises he'd heard upon waking were all about. Stopping and leaning against the door, he gazed at Ash in silence. Her golden hair flashed as it caught the candlelight, and her skin glowed softly, as if lit from within, her aqua eyes had the stars in them. She spun and whirled, like a tornado trapped in a woman's body. And just like a force of nature, he knew she could never be tamed. She would never be his. Not completely. He didn't deserve her anyway. Jack sighed to himself as the song she'd been dancing to came to an end, and as she turned her head to look across the deck, she abruptly switched directions when she saw him out of the corner of her eye.
"Jack," Ash said, stunned.
How long had he been standing there?
"You should be resting," she continued worriedly, rushing over to him.
"Don't wanna rest," he mumbled petulantly, "I want rum."
"You can have some herbal infusion instead."
Ash took his arm and began towing him back into his quarters as he protested.
"Come on, I'll stay with you tonight if you drink it."
That shut him up. Nodding once, he went back to bed, and Ash went to the galley to make another batch of medicine. Her fun for the night was over, but the crew would continue on, no doubt. When she brought the mug of steaming liquid into him, she was satisfied to find he was in bed. She held his head up so he could drink, and when she went to set the empty mug on the floor beside him, he took her arm and pulled her on top of him. Startled, Ash blinked as she looked into his deep brown eyes, inches from her own.
"Said you'd stay with me," he whispered, his voice husky.
"I didn't mean like this," she replied softly, squirming uncomfortably, "I meant I'd sleep beside you on the floor."
"No," Jack pouted, "I want you here. Please. This one night. It will make me feel so much better, I promise."
Ash sighed.
"Fine," she said reluctantly, "But you better sleep."
"You have me word."
Ash kicked off her boots and rolled so she was no longer on top of him, but beside him. She put her back to him so he wouldn't get any ideas about kissing her, but he did seem to be keeping to their agreement. To her surprise, he put an arm around her and pulled her close to him, nuzzling his nose into her hair. Ash stared wide eyed into the darkness, her body stiff with shock. She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that, but it wasn't long before she heard soft snoring from behind her.
At last, she closed her eyes. She both loved and hated how good this felt, how right it seemed. She didn't know why, but tears started to slip out from behind her closed lids and roll down her cheeks. Perhaps because she couldn't remember the last time she'd been held like this. She had gone so long without affection that this tiny bit of it hurt so badly it felt like a knife being driven through her heart. She couldn't breathe. Her throat began to hurt with the strain of struggling to take a breath, and when she finally did, it was ragged and shuddering. Silently, she began to cry in earnest, her body shaking with the effort of keeping herself under some small semblance of control.
Maybe the reason for the tears was because she flashed back to the whipping for some random reason. She had felt so much that day she thought she would explode. She hated how he looked at her then, it hurt her worse than the lashing ever had. And now he was so different. He apologized, flirted with her, and now he was being tender and affectionate.
Slowly, Ash came to the realization that she had secretly always thought of and hoped for this, to be in his arms and just stay there. Like the world outside didn't matter, it couldn't touch them. Because he loved her. Because she loved him. Because she wanted more than anything to be with him.
Perhaps she cried because she knew he would never be hers.
Author's Note: Well, all the feels are coming out. I promise I won't bug you by asking for reviews, though that would be awesome. Instead I ask you share this story with others if you like it. I love seeing that people from so many different countries of the world can read this, and I want to share my work with as many people as possible.