"Remember on Monday, we are making infographics. So if you haven't found some interesting facts about your Renaissance country now, you better do it this weekend!" Tamaki reminded at the end of club that day.
The rest of the club responded with a very unenthusiastic 'Yay.'
The Host Club packed up with a unanimous decision to leave instead of hanging out that day. It was probably because it was the weekend. Everyone had things to do for school, club or in Haruhi's case, chores. So, as the bell chimed the hour, room emptied out quickly.
Leaving Kyoya and Kaoru behind.
"Good afternoon," Kyoya greeted sarcastically.
Kaoru pursed his lips, "I-I think I need to talk. Or ask a question?"
Kyoya nodded and leaned against the wall while Kaoru hopped onto the window sill. His legs kicked restlessly as he started to speak.
"Kyoya, I know it's only been four days but I have questions about us ." Kaoru emphasized. "It seemed as if you skirted around the fact that I did confess that I had a major crush on you. Yet, because you didn't say anything about it . . ."
"You want me to accept or reject you feelings?" Kyoya supplied.
Kaoru's legs stilled and wrapped his arms around himself not unlike he did earlier with the little skit he put on with Hikaru. "I guess. And if you don't know yourself, I can wait."
"I should start off by saying I'm flattered," Kyoya confided.
Kaoru flinched because that sounded like a rejection. Yet . . .
"And I would love to explore a relationship with you, honestly." Kyoya seemed hopeful. It caused Kaoru to be unsure whether he read the expression right. "However, I will have to make you wait if you so choose to pursue our relationship."
Kaoru paused. This was a lot to take in and coming from the Shadow King, it was unthinkable. He questioned himself and swore up and down that there was no way Kyoya was reciprocating his feelings. Kaoru did bite his lip at what he said, but he wasn't upset. He was very much the opposite since he was receiving a massive dose of dopamine from Kyoya confirming his interest.
"There are quite a few things keeping me from returning your feelings freely and openly," Kyoya explained, "I'd want a serious relationship without such conditions. I'd like to test the waters a bit before completely submerging ourselves."
"You sound too much like a businessman making a contract," Kaoru grinned. "If you're worried about me, which I think is impossible for an Ootori, don't be."
Kaoru winked which caused Kyoya's eyebrows to rise.
"I'm a big boy. I think I can handle what you really have to say," Kaoru challenged.
It was a stretch, one made with the devilish Hitachiin attitude. Kaoru knows he's pushing too hard, too fast. Yet, he figured why not? Kyoya knew everyone like the back of his hand. It gave him the upperhand in this conversation. Kyoya could easily sniff out this rouse and actively predict Kaoru's actions. Of course, this understanding of all of his friends on top of his intelligence and abilities made him untouchable. Even though Kaoru could match some of those things, he was nowhere close to Kyoya. It made Kaoru think maybe that's why Kyoya's not taking the bait. Kaoru had a brief line of thinking that showed his true insecurities. Maybe he wasn't good enough for Kyoya and that's what this was about, however Kaoru pushed the thought away viciously. Kaoru brought the more probable choices to weigh out in his head instead. He thought about how Kyoya's technically in a position of authority over him as Vice President of the Host Club and he is a year ahead of him. But, to Kaoru it didn't feel like that would matter.
Kaoru also knew what Kyoya was referring to when he said that there were 'a few things keeping him from returning Kaoru's feelings freely and openly.' It wasn't that he didn't feel the same, because he did want his family and friends as well as Kyoya's to be accepting. But like all things, it just takes time.
Though, why were they worrying about all this now, Kaoru thought, they were just teenagers? Even with famous parents and eyes on them most hours of the day, it's nothing that little bit money couldn't fix in the meantime.
Though, Kyoya did the unexpected. Which Kaoru kicked himself mentally for not realizing that Kyoya would do something so provocative and suggestive just to knock Kaoru off his high rocker. Or perhaps, to watch Kaoru squirm for his enjoyment.
Kyoya gathered himself to his full height pushing off the wall. He then bent over Kaoru, making his mouth level with Kaoru's ear. Kaoru was paralyzed with anticipation. Kyoya stayed like that for a few seconds probably relishing the moment of cornering a Hitachiin. He then slowly turned his head so that his lips grazed over the shell off his ear. It embarrassed Kaoru how turned on he was just at the simple graze of lips on his ear.
Regardless, Kyoya spoke in a voice Kaoru had never heard before. It wasn't a whisper but it wasn't a soft voice either. It was rough as Kyoya spoke somewhere in between. And Kaoru couldn't deny how much it riled him up.
"If you were a big boy, you'd understand why I'm keeping you at arms distance. I'm not pushing you away, I'm not letting you go, I'm keeping you just within my reach so that when the time comes . . ."
Kyoya slowly pulled away from the side of Kaoru's head. He dragged his nose against Kaoru's cheek until it met with his nose. "I'll be able to pull you in and we can meet as one."
Kaoru felt the blush on his cheeks and the goosebumps rise all over his body. It was absolutely mind blowing to be able to have Kyoya Ootori between his thighs, to have Kyoya so close to his lips, to see his pupils expanding as Kyoya took in every detail.
"That seems selfish," Kaoru breathed. He dropped his gaze down to Kyoya's lips then fluttered his eyes back up to Kyoya's. "Keeping me all to yourself."
Honestly, Kaoru wasn't mad. Though, it wasn't his brain deciding that.
"Indeed." Kyoya agreed, "However, I'm not trying to hold you down. You are free to love and to choose whoever you want in the time it takes me to uphold my promise. If I can't make it in time, then it will be my one regret. What I'm trying to do is promise you that as long as you're willing, I'll hold onto you."
"Why didn't you say that in the first place?" Kaoru giggled a bit, getting drunk on Kyoya's proximity.
Kyoya looked a bit frazzled himself. "I suppose I wanted you to know how strongly I feel about this."
"So you're sure, you won't find another one? Someone better than me?" Kaoru felt a bit more sober with the question. What if Kyoya found someone that fit him better than Kaoru? What would Kaoru do then? He spent all his time waiting on Kyoya to finish what he had to do just to run off with somebody else? It admittedly didn't sound like Kyoya, but then again, Kyoya's love life was never thought of before by the host club. Kaoru wasn't sure what Kyoya was capable of.
"Never," Kyoya looked certain, "I know the man you are and it makes me glad to be your friend. I see the man you are becoming and it makes me want to be the one, the only one you choose as your partner."
It made Kaoru's heart race. He felt like he was about to combust. He could already feel the flames licking up his body. He hoped that he wasn't sweating an obscene amount from the heat.
"You promise?" Kaoru asked.
"I promise," Kyoya assured.
"Okay," Kaoru chirped.
Kyoya only grinned at the response. He pulled back much to Kaoru's disappointment. Kaoru stayed in that position with his legs parted, spine straight, and blush prominent. His hands were twisting anxiously in his lap.
"Kyoya?" Then, Kaoru stopped himself. "I can call you just Kyoya, right?"
"Of course," Kyoya made a beeline for his laptop which was sitting on one of the love seats. He slid it back into his school bag.
"I know we both have to go," Kaoru went on, "But I still want to talk to you. I mean, I still have questions. You keep distracting me!"
Kyoya laughed, "I'm sorry. I may or may not have done that on purpose."
Kaoru deflated. He should have known. Though, he did put on a 'cute' frown as a Hitachiin twin would.
"All in due time, Kaoru."
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"How long have you felt this way about me?" Kaoru asked.
Kaoru laid across Kyoya's bed as Kyoya wandered around the room looking for certain items of clothing. He looked in his drawers for his cufflinks as they were usually in the top left-hand drawer, however it seems as though his sister had came through and rearranged everything again. He couldn't find his plain black socks, nor his undershirts. Luckily, his suit was left alone as it had gone to the dry-cleaners.
In response to Kaoru's question, Kyoya paused for a second. "Since possibly last year?"
"You're not sure?" Kaoru asked loudly.
Kyoya looked to Kaoru who stretched further across his bed. He didn't have his eyes on Kyoya, instead he laid similar to a starfish looking up at the ceiling. Though, if he turned his head, he could see Kyoya kneeling through the doorway of Kyoya's walk-in closet.
"When I met you, you two were in middle school," Kyoya stated. "You were closed off from the rest of the world. You and Hikaru had grown twisted like vines and were inseparable. It was difficult to know where one began and the other ended."
Kaoru kept his eyes up.
"I, at the time, could discern you from Hikaru. However, you weren't as independent from Hikaru as you are now. I would describe it as being able to tell you two apart physically, but on any other level, you and Hikaru bled into one another."
Kaoru turned his head to meet Kyoya's gaze.
"You see?" Kyoya hummed. "It's hard to develop feelings for someone when a lot of their personality is hidden or mixed with another's."
"So, you magically developed feelings for me?" Kaoru was slightly incredulous. Maybe it was because despite staying almost completely platonic, the speed at which their relationship was progressing was enough to give Kaoru whiplash. It was one thing to feel attracted to Kyoya, trying to overcome the denial and doubt from it. It was another thing to receive an affirmative that the other party felt the same way, if not, more strongly. It was terrifying to know how sure Kyoya was about his feelings. The Shadow King himself, as cold as he came across, had romantic feelings towards one of the host club members and the member was Kaoru, out of all the others to choose from. Though, Kaoru knew he and Kyoya already started to become closer since the end of last school year and the start of this one. In fact, Kaoru was Kyoya's first pick for assistance. They had worked on plenty of projects between them. He had noticed Kyoya becoming more open and honest with him while they worked together. It was such a slow transition that Kaoru didn't even notice until Kyoya was unabashedly honest. Kaoru, in return, wouldn't tell anybody including Hikaru what Kyoya's thoughts and feelings were. Kyoya started coming out of his fortified chateau where he closely guarded anything that would make him vulnerable. To think Kaoru would be the one he opened up to.
"No," Kyoya answered truthfully, "I had begun to feel differently towards you about a year and a half ago now. As we started to work together, I began to see more of you."
"Less of Hikaru," Kaoru interpreted.
Kyoya chuckled, "Trust me, I tried to resist."
"I guess it was the same for me. I shouldn't be so hard on you when I don't even know when I started feeling this way myself." Kaoru curled onto his side facing Kyoya.
"I don't think so." Kyoya said rising from the floor. "I offered myself as someone you could talk to. I got carried away when you started asking questions. It was my fault for releasing it all onto you."
"It isn't like you," Kaoru murmured, getting butterflies in his stomach as Kyoya strode from the closet to the bed.
"No," He agreed and sat on the bed next to Kaoru.
"I didn't know you had feelings," Kaoru mocked.
Kyoya schooled his expression into a deathly serious glare, giving Kaoru a look out of the corner of his eye, "Unfortunately."
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Kyoya listened to Kaoru's laugh. It echoed throughout his room and it made Kyoya's mouth twitch upwards without his permission.
"What about Tamaki?" Kaoru asked.
"What about him?"
Kaoru shrugged, "Did you ever have feelings for him."
Kyoya quirked an eyebrow and didn't say anything.
"I know it sounds stupid but I'm still curious."
Kyoya thought back to his and Tamaki's life in middle school. Kyoya was Tamaki's first friend in Japan, he was the first one Tamaki asked to join the host club, and Tamaki was the first person that Kyoya held close outside his family. Kyoya would admit to having feelings for Tamaki, though they weren't remotely romantic or sexual. It was closer than a friendship. It could be described as brotherly. However, that didn't really fit it either. It was something uniquely theirs and he told Kaoru that.
"Cop out," Kaoru grinned. "So, you aren't like . . . interested in Tamaki and never have been in the way you are with me?"
"With that moron?" Kyoya shook his head.
"Tono would be hurt, senpai." Kaoru grabbed the sides of his face faux horror.
Kyoya bent towards the head of the bed and pulled a pillow down to Kaoru. He gave Kaoru a good whack on the head before settling. "He knows it. I have told as much."
"I'm surprised," Kaoru unfolded from the fetal position he assumed when Kyoya came at him with the pillow. He looked thoughtful, an expression that softened Kaoru face. Kyoya studied him and waited for Kaoru to ask whatever he was formulating in his head.
Kyoya felt the warm, melting feeling in his chest. One that he had whenever he caught these moments where Kaoru was just Kaoru. He was completely open, genuine, and honest. Kyoya might have even tacked on naive. Except in Kyoya's eyes, there were no negative connotations of those adjectives when speaking of Kaoru. Kyoya was grateful for Kaoru being so trusting. It was hard to find in the circles that Ouran students ran. There were never 'best friends', it was clearly a transaction or a ploy. A way to rekindle alliances between companies, organizations, or business partners in general. Kyoya had become skilled at spotting them. Ever since he was young, he had always been searching for alliances and it was something ingrained within him.
Though, Tamaki's arrival into his life had given Kyoya perspective and a good example of what an honest person was.
As he waited for Kaoru to say something, Kyoya thanked Tamaki for crashing into his life. He thanked Tamaki for gathering a wonderful group of friends Kyoya would have never even noticed before. And in the long run, Tamaki had given Kyoya his first love. It seemed weird to even think about it. Kaoru was Kyoya's first. An unliking pairing to say the least. He imagined many would assume he and Tamaki would be the pairing, as Kaoru did. And as much as he loved Tamaki and treasured him, Kyoya couldn't imagine being with the dork like that. As for any other of Kyoya's possible love interests, he wasn't even sure that after Tamaki there would be any. Definitely not Hani-senpai for he was much too childish (Kyoya meant that in the most friendly way possible) or Hikaru for he was much too emotional, veering into what Kyoya would describe as tempestuous. Mori, maybe, for his silent persona and easy-going nature. Yet, it still wasn't a good fit and even as friends, they rarely hung out together. Haruhi, on a personality basis, paired nicely with him but he was simply too reserved and unsympathetic for her. Though, Kyoya did admire her and wouldn't deny attraction, he didn't prefer women in the greater scheme of things.
Kaoru was the unsuspecting match. He shared personality traits with his brother - without a doubt. There was some immaturity with overlap in humor, they both were quite deceptive and mischievous, and had a knack for getting under your skin. The differences between Hikaru and Kaoru lied in how they achieve their shared aspects. Kaoru was much more calculating and thoughtful while Hikaru typically went for whatever he felt was much more irritating. Kaoru was also quite a bit more sympathetic, if not empathetic. When alone and facing a new social situation, Kaoru is more likely to take a backseat and observe whereas Hikaru would say and do as he pleases without tact.
"Do you want to work on the posters?" Kaoru asked. Kyoya could tell it wasn't what he really wanted to ask. Kyoya assumed that Kaoru decided not to ask his original question or Kaoru thought it better to wait. Either way, Kyoya felt a twinge of guilt or anxiety, he wasn't sure.
Kyoya nodded, "Yeah, I might as well. I can't find my cuff links or socks."
"Fuyumi-san?"Kaoru got up to grab the large tablets that he and Hikaru brought for the club last Monday. One was in his bag and the other lying on kyoya's dresser.
The club had planned last Monday to make the infographics, however everyone got side tracked by the tablets' features. No one really got any work done and so Hikaru and Kaoru let them all take their respective tablets home to finish by that Saturday. They all had to send their infographics to Kyoya to be printed out. The Renaissance event was to take place on Friday the following week. Besides the posters, there was going to be food (both modern and historically accurate) as well as an after party where the members would host a dance set to popular European music from the Renaissance era. The food and music had already been planned and scheduled by Kyoya, however he was pretty busy with the arrangements that he hadn't finished his infographic.
Kyoya nodded to him as Kaoru handed one of the tablets to him and dropped down on the floor next to his legs.
"Why are you sitting down there?" Kyoya spoke softly while opening his project.
Kaoru shrugged secretly fawning over the quiet voice Kyoya only used with him, "I don't know. Do you need a stylus?"
"Sure."
Kaoru handed Kyoya his stylus.
"Don't you need yours?"
"I've finished all I needed to use it for. Right now I just need to type out the information."
Kyoya hummed his acknowledgement.
They both worked in silence for the rest of their time. Kaoru had gotten up sometime while Kyoya was trying to find the best picture of Italy to get his laptop to research more information. By the time Hikaru was blowing up Kaoru's phone, Kaoru had somehow finished his infographic for his poster and Kyoya was almost finished decorating his (he had already gathered all the information he needed).
Kaoru huffed, "I think I need to go. Otherwise, Hikaru is going to throw a tantrum."
Kaoru's words brought a small smile to Kyoya's face.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stay longer. I could have helped you find your cuff links."
Kyoya lost his smile but the warmth didn't leave his eyes, "I won't bore you with such a task. I'm planning on calling Fuyumi anyways and if she doesn't remember, I'll just buy some new ones."
"Oh," Kaoru had a gleam in his eyes. It was a telltale sign that he was planning something in his head. "Well, I hope you find them before tonight."
"I hope so, too."
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Kyoya did not find his cuff links in time for the dinner his father had planned that night. Fuyumi had laughed at him over the phone and insisted that she hadn't been over at the house since Akito's birthday. It still left him without cuff links. He then asked the maids who hadn't seen them. After another twenty minute search, he found a dark purple button-up with gold buttons on the ends of the sleeves that looked enough like cuff links to pass. He then found a black undershirt that appeared from the old folded clothes he had on the tops of his closet shelves. Finally, he finished with the suit pants and jacket. Honestly he was pleased with how it turned out. The gray suit went well with the dark purple and gold buttons.
That's when his phone pinged with a text message from the family driver. His father was waiting. Kyoya quickly gathered his wallet and phone before leaving his room.
His phone buzzed in his hand right as he turned the sound off.
Kaoru: did you find your cuff links?
Kyoya typed a short negative and continued down the hallway towards the entrance.
Kaoru: damn. Can I see?
Kyoya: see what?
Kaoru: your outfit dummy!
Kyoya frowned at the name but felt fond.
Kyoya: hold on
He made it to the entrance where some of the staff were waiting including Kyoya's trio. Kyoya veered to the left to the alcove where there was a mirror. He pulled out his phone and made a pose similar to an Instagram model. Flash and all. He knew Kaoru would find it amusing.
"Young Master?"
Kyoya quickly caught up with them putting his phone in his breast pocket. The car was parked in front of the door waiting to collect Kyoya and as he was descending the stairs, Kyoto's father was getting into the vehicle. Kyoya went around opening his own door unlike his father. He slipped in without ceremony.
"I asked you to be ready by a quarter till five." His father spoke calmly and without emotion.
"Yes, father."
"The time is currently five-oh-eight."
Kyoya didn't hesitate, "It is, sir."
"Luckily, this event is merely a gala and not an important conference or forum."
Kyoya felt his phone vibrate in his breast pocket, "Yes, sir."
"I do not want to see you late again."
"Yes, sir."
Kyoya waited a few beats before slowly pulling out his phone.
Kaoru: damn
Kyoya wanted to react but he couldn't do so in front of his father. Kyoya quickly flicked his eyes up to him and studied if he was watching Kyoya. His father was most definitely keeping tabs on Kyoya's actions at that moment but not actively. So Kyoya typed a few short texts and knew Kaoru would understand.
Kyoya: thanks
Kyoya: father
Kaoru: I'm sorry. But you do look good. Nice "cuff links"
Kyoya was satisfied.
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Kaoru looked at the picture Kyoya sent. His mouth was dry instantly. He typed the only other word he could think of, damn . The other word not as nice, much too vulgar.
Kyoya was framed by a thick-edged, black mirror showing about three quarters of his body. The mirror cut off at his knee yet hung high enough to show some room above his head in the reflection. He held his gray suit jacket open with a loose fist. His right hand held his dark phone, the flash whiting out a bit of his chest and neck. Kaoru would have happily stared at Kyoya's slender fingers if it weren't for the part that not only made him laugh but really did it for him.
Kyoya has his head cocked to the right and slightly tipped back. His face for the most part was neutral yet for where he was biting his bottom lip. His eyes fell onto his phone screen hidden from view.
It would under any other circumstance strike Kaoru as douchey. However, the stance was so unlike Kyoya that he knew it was meant to be ironic. Yet Kaoru couldn't help feeling a bit turned on. The dark purple really suited Kyoya. And, in Kaoru's opinion, Kyoya could wear any suit and still look good. The suit he had on was practical much like the man who wore it. Yet, with it on Kyoya, it raised the suit's appeal to Kaoru.
Before Kaoru could study it further, a few more texts came in from Kyoya.
Kyoya: Thanks. Father.
Kaoru went back to the picture and realized that maybe he should have said something more but now that Kyoya was with his father, he would have to wait. He saw on Kyoya's left wrist the gold buttons that looked similar to cuff links and said:
I'm sorry. But you do look good. Nice "cuff links"
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"Kaoru! Stop talking to Kyoya and help me!"
Hikaru was trying to finish his infographic on Portugal while also trying to finish homework for his classes.
Kaoru sighed and stood up. "I'll work on the poster but everything else is on you."
"I wouldn't have suggested it any other way," Hikaru grinned.
Of course he would have. Hikaru was working on a rather monstrous essay and Kaoru was definitely the better writer of the two. Not to mention Hikaru hated reading a lot of the stuff that was required for the class, so he either winged it or looked up the synopsis. The only highlight to Hikaru's situation was that he had read the book this time. Though, he really didn't understand it and would probably continue to pester Kaoru with questions about comprehension.
"Uh-huh." Kaoru grunted in response.
"Oh, c'mon Kaoru! I thought you'd be in a better mood after seeing Kyoya!" Hikaru clasped his hands and held them close to his chest in similar fashion as a Disney Princess. "Your dark knight, your lover, your man."
Yes, seeing Kyoya put him in a good mood but Kaoru wasn't in the mood for Hikaru's antics.
"Do you want me to help or not?" Kaoru asked rather tiredly.
Hikaru stood up from his crossed-leg position in the middle of their shared bed. He walked down towards the foot and jumped off. Approaching Kaoru as if he were a wild animal, he sat slowly next to Kaoru who was messing with the tablet.
"Kaoru?"
"What?"
"Are you mad at me?" Hikaru cocked his head.
Kaoru felt like yelling or crying, or both. He laughed to cover up the emotions running within him. "Wow, you came to that conclusion all by yourself?"
Hikaru sneered, "Why are being so difficult, can't I have my fun?"
"You can, Hikaru." Kaoru's warbled voice echoed in the large room, surprising Kaoru himself, as he struggled to maintain his composure. "Just not with this. Kyoya is someone who's actually helping me like my twin brother should be. Instead, my brother is trying to get into Haruhi's pants."
It wasn't like that, Kaoru understood how Hikaru felt about Haruhi. He wasn't pursuing her for sexual benefit.
"Oh?" Hikaru breathed. "That's rich coming from you. You who said you felt the same as me regarding Haruhi. Are you lowering yourself to my level or should I pull out the fact that you're messing around with one of our friends while stringing him along?"
Tears were pricking in Kaoru's eyes but he quickly blinked them away, "It's not like that."
"Isn't it?" Hikaru continued. "You can't have both, brother."
Kaoru went to leave. He didn't want to fight, especially with Hikaru. He couldn't handle this right then. He couldn't handle the way Hikaru spat those words at him with such animosity. It was so corrosive, it burned at the back of Kaoru's throat.
"It's okay for you to like Haruhi as I do AND Kyoya as well. That's perfectly fine! But if I want to like someone out of the group of people your gathering for yourself, it's just to get them in bed? As your free love is anything more?"
Kaoru wanted to slam his head repeatedly into a wall. He was stuck with conflicting urges to run and hide or stay and fight. He found that he could both by getting up and nervously pacing around the bed as Hikaru kept at him.
"I found someone who I like, who I could picture a life with. I wasn't even mad that you liked her too. We have always shared things, so I didn't care Kaoru! I didn't care if you liked someone I liked as well! Yet, I was hoping that since you had Kyoya maybe I would have a chance! That maybe there would be something we could both like without having to share."
"YOU MORON!" Kaoru exploded. "I was never going to take her away from you! I had decided from the moment you showed interest, I wouldn't fight you for her."
Kaoru has paused his pacing in front of Hikaru. He could see as Hikaru's face go from anger to confusion to a painfully pale realization.
"I need Kyoya because he understands the shit I'm going through right now. He's someone I can trust. Someone who doesn't say stupid shit like you! He isn't my friend with benefits either! We haven't done anything close to even categorize our relationship as even boyfriends! We hang out, talk, and do homework. That's it! I was hoping I wouldn't have to explain it to someone who should know me by now. I'm not whoring around with my imaginary friends with benefits group!"
Hikaru sat as still as a statue.
"You don't realize how much I hated myself for liking guys," Kaoru's voice dropped down a few volume levels to a mere shaky mutter, "I was afraid of what you would think. Even though I knew you wouldn't care, I worried. Then, I started developing feelings for Haruhi which threw me in for a spin. I wasn't just gay, I still liked women and I had fallen for a girl who my own twin had fallen for as well. Yeah, how screwed up is that?"
Hikaru let his head bow as his hands gripped the edge of their bed.
"I know it wasn't exactly unexpected or that terrible. Though, I decided I didn't want to compete with you or put you through that fight especially when I'm not ready to enter a relationship. Not now, at least."
Kaoru sat down again and grabbed Hikaru's fist.
"I don't know if what I have with Kyoya will work out. I haven't come out to anyone except you and Kyoya. I don't know what Mom and Dad will say, I don't know what our friends will say, and I certainly don't want to cross the Ootori's. But, here I am, ruining expectations and making it so much harder on myself because I apparently like torturing myself with things I can't possibly have.
"And, I'm not mad at you. I don't think I'll ever be truly angry with you. I'm more angry with myself for not telling you sooner or explaining it to you. I just didn't want you to worry or to try to protect me. Or for that matter, try to understand. It's not fair to you. It's my fault for even starting this argument."
Hikaru didn't say anything but he opened his hand to Kaoru's. They held hands in silence for a long time. It reminded Kaoru of how they always kept their hands locked as kids. They never wanted to let go.
"I'm sorry." Hikaru spoke. "I said . . . I said —"
"Seriously, don't worry about it. I've already forgiven you." Kaoru assured. "Let's just try to get your work done before another fight breaks out. Otherwise, Saito-sensei will have your neck."
Hikaru nodded curtly and robotically. He didn't say anything but returned to his essay as Kaoru returned to the tablet.