This is gonna be long, too. And a bit different from the original. If you are reading this and are confused, please refer to chapter one. Thank you.

I awoke to Kakuzu prodding me. "I will not tell you again, girl. It is time to leave."

I sat up, rubbing my eyes and missing the absence of my contacts. "Yeah, yeah. I'm up." As I stood, he draped a solid black cloak over my head.

I noticed how well it fit, shrugging my arms comfortably. Kakuzu huffed at how long I seemed to be taking. "I've already spoken to Leader-sama about your role in Akatsuki. I'll explain during our travel."

I nodded and zipped the cloak up. There were tons of nifty little pockets. It was really cozy, too.

"Let's go, then."

Hidan was audibly snoring in the next room, so I assumed that he wasn't going to be joining us on our little adventure.

We left the base after notifying Pein that we were going to town, Kakuzu taking me through a different door than the kitchen. I voiced my confusion about the convoluted layout of the structure, and Kakuzu explained it to me.

"On the outside, its simply a family home. There is a strong seal connecting it to the real hideout. Any foreign chakra, not including you four, will not be allowed entrance, and will only see it as a normal house."

I nodded in understanding, following Kakuzu down the short path to the village.

"As for your specific duties, you are expected to accompany Hidan and I while on missions, and while at the base, you are to cook, clean, and train with any Akatsuki member willing to work with you."

"Ah, so I'm a glorified maid?"

"Essentially. Except you aren't paid. Your payment is us not killing you."

I scoffed. "Yeah, okay."

"Truly, Pein doesn't care too much for this romance nonsense. It provides unneccesary bonds. We're all missing-ninjas. We don't have families."

He wasn't wrong, but we had a reason to be here. We just didn't know it yet.

Our conversation ended as we arrived at our destination. Kakuzu and I went through the store, he directed me to find suitable clothing while he collected the essential ninja gear.

I ended up finding some pretty comfortable clothes and grabbed the items in a few different colors, and met Kakuzu at the cash register. After haggling the cashier, he led me out, no doubt content about getting 75% off of the purchase. I was happy to have actual clothes. He handed me the bag with the ninja gear in it, and I looked inside.

"Ah, this store will sell undergarments. Please do not leave until you get a good deal." He deposited some bills in my hand, and pushed me towards the store.

Five minutes later, I exited the store with my items hidden securly in the inconspicous black bag.

Kakuzu asked what kind of deal I had gotten, and I deposited the cash in his hand.

"100% off."

"How?" He asked, amazed at my thrifting skills.

"Mmm, the cashier was a guy. Just had to fake cry a little and tell him some bullshit about being new in town and getting my stuff stolen. He all but begged me to take the stuff, free of charge."

He chuckled quietly, "I'm starting to like you."

Back at the base, Kakuzu directed me to the bathroom in our section of the house, and I scurried off to take a shower and dress in my new clothes.

I turned the shower on in the bathroom, stripping down and stepping into the warm water. I hummed to myself as I scrubbed away the dirt, oblivious to the world.

In fact, I was so lost in my own head, I didn't even notice Hidan enter the bathroom until he was in the shower with me.

I shrieked and shoved him away, causing him to slip, fall, and smack his head against the wall.

I jumped out of the shower and quickly wrapped myself in a towel, before turning on the naked zealot.

"What the fuck, dude?" I shouted, shielding my eyes from him.

"You were taking too long," he replied, standing up and closing the curtain. "You can go now."

I huffed out a few choice words to him, but grabbed my things and left the bathroom. I made it back to my bedroom fairly quickly, where I dried my body and hair with the towel, then dressed in the items that Kakuzu and I had purchased.

I chose a black camisole, it was made of a flexible and pretty sturdy material, and ended right above my belly button. I also wore a pair of dark gray mid-thigh length cargo pants with plenty of pockets. I slipped my feet into a pair of plain black sandals and left the room.

I joined Suki, Zena, and Kisame in the living room and sat down next to Zena, across from Suki and Kisame. Kira was sitting by the fire, in ine of the armchairs. Figures.

"So..." Suki began, crossing one of her legs carefully. "Tell us what you're thinking."

"Of?"

"Well, being here, for one. And you know... 'the one'. You have to spill."

Suki seemed to be demanding and bubbly and way too familiar. Why did she even care? Is she mocking me?

"Uh, it's pretty fuckin' weird, I guess." She nodded, and I glanced at Kisame and Kira to find them engaged in a battle of rock, paper, scissors. Guess I'm alone in this assault.

"And what about Hidan? Are you two... you know?" She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively.

I all-but face palmed. "No, we aren't. I'm a fond believer in the idea that your soul mate doesn't have to have a romantic relationship with you."

"Oh you saucy bitch," Suki cackled. "Itachi and I totally saw you two kiss this morning."

Kira laughed shortly, sneering at the dirty look I gave her. "You're an asshole, Suki." I cried, burying my face in my hands. "I want to keep it platonic. Or as platonic as it can get."

"Ah, so a classic fwb situation." The blonde nodded sagely, and her sister rolled her eyes.

"What's an F-W-B?" Kisame asked, a confused look on his face. Suki reached over and patted his hand.

"Fuckbuddies," she explained, ignoring the blush creeping up her shark-man's face.

"Suki, that's pretty personal, ne?" He asked, "Are you trying to kill poor Sakana? She looks like she's going to choke."

I was trying very hard not to, in fact.

"Is it not true?" She asked, oblivious.

"No, okay? We kissed and he is very attractive, but I don't know if I'm the relationship type of girl." Not to mention a history of terrible ex-partners.

"Party pooper," Suki sighed, but thankfully dropped the topic.

Before we could get bored and find things to do elsewhere, Hidan sauntered into the room, shirtless and messed-up hair.

"Sup, bitches?" He asked, choosing to plop over the side of the couch, right next to me.

"Just discussing things," Suki replied quickly, "Do you guys want to play a game?"

Nobody responded, and she pouted. Kisame patted her head, and she cheered up almost immediately. They were actually kind of cute.

"Let's play hide and seek," she suggested, but Kira and I both veto'd that idea. After a few minutes and a few shitty game ideas, we settled on playing Go Fish.

As we played, we idly chatted about our backgrounds, in an attempt to bond better. Suki mainly talked about her life with Kira, being protected by the stoic girl from bullies. It was a sweet story, but my image of a child Kira was a chucky-like little cretin. Zena grew up on a farm, and lived a peaceful hick life, before going to college and being exposed to anime by her friends. The rest was just a lot of goofy stories about their lives, plus a few jokes about the Akatsuki members in the room.

Kisame threatened to eat me and Zena a few times, and Hidan promised to sacrifice all of us at some point, but we had fun.

Kira had somehow won every game of Go Fish we had played, and we all lost interest when Hidan rage-quit and stormed off to his room.

Zena muttered something about making dinner and wandered off, and Kira left to go gloat to Sasori about being better at children's card games than murderers and other 20-something-year-old females.

This left Suki, Kisame and me in the living room, awkwardly watching each other.

I sighed for about the fifth time, and Suki sat up. "So, tell me more about the mysterious Sakana. You hardly said anything about yourself."

"There isn't a lot to tell, really. I grew up with my mom and dad in Bumfuck, Egypt. I had hardly any friends, I moved abroad when my parents died. I've had a few relationships that didn't end well, that's it. My life is boring. I read any book I can find, and I like tea. That's literally it."

The blonde girl across from me whistled, "You're like.. The epitome of lame."

"Wow, you bitch." I stood up, "What time is it?"

Kisame checked his non-existent watch. "7:12. Approximately."

I didn't doubt his ninja skills, so I accepted the answer. "I'm going to go pester Zena for food."

In the kitchen, Zena hummed to herself while fluttering around the kitchen. I sat at the barstool and watched her, windering what she was cooking up. The smell of soy sauce and hot grease filled the air, and my stomach grumbled. I hadn't eaten anything yet.

"Tonkatsu sounds good, right?" Zena asked me, setting down the pair of chopsticks she was cooking with. I nodded, drooling at the thought of fried pork and yummy rice. "Glad to know I'm not crazy."

"Not that crazy," I corrected, smiling. "We're all a little crazy, ne?" She smiled back, sweetly. She reminded me of a short-haired Megumi from Food Wars! She was sweet and gentle, and seemed to know what she was doing. She didn't get as flustered as the shy chef did, but she did fumble a bit.

I watched her busy herself with cooking, and prepared myself a cup of tea to sip. I might have an addiction. Soon, she had finished cooking and left to go gather the members and inform them that dinner was ready.

I began plating the food, scooping heaving helpings of rice onto plates and covering it with the juicy-fried pork and the tasty tonkatsu sauce that Zena had graciously prepared. Finishing my task and grabbing one of the eleven bowls of food, I entered the dining room and sat down at one of the many chairs. Suki came in next, followed by her shark and her sister. Sasori came only to continue his discussion with Kira. Deidara sat next to his Danna, who sat across from me and to Kira's right. Suki sat to my right and Kisame sat to hers. Hidan came in, cursing at how hot the food still was, and opted to take up the empty seat on my left.

At some point, Itachi appeared in the room, but I was interested in the debate Sasori and Kira were having, which was about which wood was better for carving. I wasn't interested in the actual topic of conversation, but the ease at which they talked. It was really cute, and I kind of shipped it. I left the room with my empty bo and discovered Zetsu and Zena eating at the bar in the kitchen. They seemed to be enjoying the moment, so I didn't bother talking to them.

After dinner, things were calm, and everyone retreated to their own rooms, having spent enough of the day pestering other people.

I sat on my bed and stared at the wall, itching to have a book to read, or something meticulous to do to pass the time. Knowing better than to sleep until my mind was too exhausted to create any vivid horrors in my sleep, I was bored.

I would have honestly killed for a little bit of weed. Unfortunately, I don't think marijuana existed inside of the Naruverse. Tiring of watching the wall, I stood up amd crept to the door connecting Hidan's room and mine. I knocked first to make sure he wasn't busy, and entered when he asked me what I fuckin' wanted.

"Do you think you can help me meditate?" I asked, embarrassed to even be considering the idea. "I don't want to read Hunter-nin Weekly again."

He shrugged before sliding from his bed to his floor. "Can't sleep?"

"Nah, not tired." I lied.

"Mmkay. Sit." I sat down across from him, mirroring his cross-legged position. "Take a deep breath in through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth."

I did as he said, repeating the action a few times.

"When you're ready, close your eyes." I slowly let my lids fall closed, still breathing as directed.

The rhythmic action was soothing, and with Hidan's surprisingly gentle guidance, I soon found myself slipping into myself, opening my mind. I didn't realize I had fallen into a trance until I felt a cool breeze blow througj my air, and I opened my eyes, my gaze locking with that of a man's with fire flickering in his irises.

"Ah, finally." His voice was deep and velvety, luling me further into the trance. "We meet at last.""Who are you?" I asked, taking in his appearance. He had stark white skin, and long white hair cascading down his back. He wore a black yukata, and held a cigar in his hand."Now, do you really need to ask?"He was right, I knew exactly who He was. He felt like death and gave off an aura of power. He was Jashin, Hidan's God."Somebody drugged me," I concluded. There was no way I was talking with God. Well, a God."Not quite. I have been trying to get ahold of you, but that's no matter. Here we are now." He sat down across from me, taking up the position Hidan previously sat in. "See, I sent you here for a reason. My prophet will be imprisoned and left to rot should he continue down this path. Prevent this, just as your new comrades are to prevent the deaths of their respective 'partners'.""Why me? Why couldn't it be someone else, maybe like an actual ninja?" I was so over this soul mate bullshit.He smiled at me, His teeth sharp and white. "Well, one only has one true love, no? And who says that soul mates have to come from the same plane of existence?"I sighed, accepting my fate. "So I'm just supposed to prevent Hidan's death, right?"Jashin nodded, "And then you are free to go home, if you choose to do so."Great.

My eyes opened, and I inhaled sharply. "Oh lord."

Hidan smirked at me. "Have fun?"

I held back the smartass reply of, "Yeah, just had a nice chit-chat with the being you literally kill people for.""That was... eye-opening." I said, scratching my head.

"Do you feel relaxed?" He asked, curious about my experience, no doubt. When I shooky head, he responded with, "Well, that's fuckin weird."

I sat back on my hands and watched the zealot for a moment, wondering how on earth I was supposed to keep him from killing Asuma. Finally starting to form some semblance of a plan, I decided to try to set things in action.

"Can I tell you something?" I asked, watching interest appear in his eyes. "Does Jashin ever, um, talk to you?"

He shrugged. "Rarely. Only if it's really fuckin' important. Why? Did He talk to you?"

"Yeah, He asked me to do something." I replied.

"What?" He asked, probably excited about potentially helping on my mission for God.

"This," I said, before leaning forward and pressing my lips to his.

Okay, so a little different than what it was, kinda shifting the plot around. More SakanaXHidan fluff, nothing too serious yet. Her plan of action will be revealed, but I'm really just making this up as I go along. Thank you all for reading and supporting, as always.

~Mistress-chan