"You broke it?"Kaoru took in the destruction of Kyoya's tablet.
Kaoru's voice came out too high and strained, almost like he was whining about the bent tablet. He shook his head, he didn't mean the tone of voice. Hopefully, Kyoya could see it.
He turned to Kyoya then, who put on a face of stoicism and carelessness. Despite his uncaring demeanor, Kaoru knew something was rushing just below the surface. Kyoya was trying to hide it and Kaoru was confused as to why. He couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that Kyoya had broken the tablet in the first place.
"I apologize for breaking it. I will pay you back in full with interest." Kyoya said robotically.
Kaoru inwardly sighed. This wasn't normal for Kyoya. He knew Kyoya could be an asshole, but he wasn't expecting it then. It sounded like Kyoya was just going through the motions of apologizing. He sounded professional, but also gave off the air that he wasn't the least bit concerned nor did he care how insincere the apology was. It sounded like a classical, passive-aggressive technique passed down the Ootori family line for generations. It was too cool and had too much bite to it all the same.
"What happened?" It was quiet and soft. Kaoru didn't want to sound too accusatory and harsh. Not like he could sound that way since his voice was not like Hikaru's.
Kyoya didn't say anything. It hurt deep in Kaoru's chest because there was something wrong and Kyoya wasn't being so forthcoming. He understood that maybe it wasn't his business. It wasn't like he should have exclusive access to everything in Kyoya's private life, but the broken tablet was out of character for Kyoya and Kaoru wanted to know why. He wished Kyoya would be honest with him. He thought that maybe after all this time there wouldn't be anything that Kyoya wouldn't tell him. Yet, he cursed his stupidity for even believing that. Kyoya was taught to be composed, uncaring, and unrelenting; they were all bad habits that he couldn't shake off so easily. It was his quote-en-quote natural state. It was his go-to skin and his armor.
"I threw it."
"Obviously," Kaoru barked out a nervous laugh, "You can't really bend a tablet in half by dropping it alone."
Kyoya didn't say anything again and it caused Kaoru's stomach to flip. It wasn't weighed down anymore, feeling more like Kaoru was free falling. It wasn't the good kind of weightlessness either.
"I'm not mad about the tablet, Kyoya." Kaoru reassured.
Kyoya stood so still, his breathing was slow and even, and his face was perfectly tailored to resemble a look of boredom. Kaoru reached for Kyoya's hand. He could tell, then, just by taking his hand how tense he was. As much as Kyoya tried to make it limp, it was trying to curl itself back into a fist. Kaoru followed up his forearm finding more straining tendons. Once Kaoru reached Kyoya's shoulders, he gasped at how rigid they were. Kaoru thought Kyoya's body was trying to keep itself together, straining to keep whatever emotion was inside him. Kaoru didn't want it to rip Kyoya up.
Kaoru led Kyoya to his bed and sat him down. He still had his hands on Kyoya's shoulders, barely touching them. He wasn't certain on how much pressure Kyoya could handle so he kept it light and unrestricting.
"Is this okay?"
Kyoya nodded.
Kaoru sat down next Kyoya and laid flat on his back. He stretched his legs out resting the weight of legs rest on the backs of his heels. He was going to wait like that, until Kyoya said something. It didn't have to be anything related to what Kyoya was upset about. It had to be a reassurance to Kaoru that despite how badly it was affecting Kyoya, he would get through it.
Kyoya laid down as well. Kaoru watched Kyoya for anything, yet his guard was still up. He looked unconcerned while his body showed otherwise. Kaoru wanted to say more, but his words evaded him. He was usually good at describing or explaining. He loved language and he had a vast number of words at his disposal in many languages. Yet, he couldn't find where to start or what words to use to describe what he was feeling. He was picturing a blackhole where he was pulling in Kyoya's sadness, his grief, his anger and it was compiling into a dense, heavy lump in Kaoru. He was being empathetic, that was the word. His empathy was drawing in the negative energy that was radiating off of Kyoya. If only he was like Hikaru who had no awareness of others, maybe he could be less worrisome and more carefree. Any kind of radiating emotion would just hit him and slide off like rain off a window.
Kyoya turned to Kaoru. Kaoru could see more of what he was feeling playing out on his face, uncertainty rising above all of the others .
"Do you trust me?"
"What?" It knocked Kaoru off his game.
"Do you trust me?" Kyoya repeated slower.
Well of course he did. Kaoru didn't understand why Kyoya asked. He had already entrusted a lot of himself to Kyoya.
"Yeah?"
Kyoya gave him a very short and small smile. Kyoya was still tense, but at least he was more open to Kaoru. "I'm glad."
Kaoru didn't like seeing Kyoya in pain. It was painful to watch him try to be nonchalant about what was bothering him. Kaoru wanted Kyoya to tell him what was happening. Why was he so angry? He had never seen Kyoya act out emotionally, never. To see him struggling to keep his composure made Kaoru want to soothe and comfort him. He wanted to smooth the frown lines away and hold Kyoya close. Unfortunately, it felt too much like he was overstepping his boundaries. He couldn't force Kyoya to spill his problems nor could he hold Kyoya close as he wanted to simply because he didn't have Kyoya's permission. For all Kaoru knew, Kyoya might not want him there. He could have been more stressed continuing to act like nothing's wrong for Kaoru, making Kaoru the biggest source of discomfort.
"Do you want me to leave?" Kaoru asked. "I understand if it's too much trouble having me here."
Kyoya hesitated to answer. All Kaoru could see from his expression was his pain, it intensified. It didn't belong on Kyoya's face. It would probably make people uncomfortable and extremely apprehensive to see the agonizing and intense expression written in Kyoya's features. He kept his guard up around people so much and so well that he could have fooled them into thinking he was nothing but a calculating robot. Except, he most certainly wasn't and Kaoru didn't want to see that expression on Kyoya simply because Kyoya didn't deserve to be unhappy. Kaoru couldn't live knowing Kyoya suffered. He was happy when Kyoya was, and by default, he wasn't able to be happy or content when
Kyoya was distressed.
"No," Kyoya breathed. "Don't."
Kaoru nodded and took deep breaths to keep his anxiety at bay. "Then, I won't."
Kyoya rolled towards Kaoru and rested his head on his hand. He was very close, perhaps ten centimeters away. Kaoru was able to see the small imperfections, the slight smudges in Kyoya's glasses, and Kaoru could smell his subtly alluring cologne that being so close allowed Kaoru a small waft of it.. It wasn't strong like Kaoru's cologne. Even then, Kaoru wouldn't even call his strong or overpowering, but Kyoya's was modest by comparison.
"If you're wondering why I asked whether or not you trusted me," Kyoya began, "It's because I'm predicting things to take a turn for the worse."
Kaoru wanted Kyoya to clarify what 'things' were. His face scrunched up and Kyoya noticed.
"I . . . don't really talk about my family much, partly because I don't need to. Right now, there's a lot of tension between us. Specifically, me and my father."
Kaoru placed his hand on top of Kyoya's right hand, the one laying limply in front of his stomach. Kaoru squeezed his hand twice hoping the two quick pulses would convey he was open to more discussion and offering support. Kyoya stayed quiet while the thoughts ran wild through his head. Kaoru swore he could see the misty edges of them as they flashed in his eyes.
"When isn't there?"Kyoya joked about the tension. He closed his eyes and rubbed them with a deft motion under his glasses. He let them fall back into place slightly askew.
Kaoru fought every fiber in his being to keep from frowning. He had to keep his own emotions out of this. Though, he couldn't stop reaching out and brushing his fingers over the side of Kyoya's face. He, very gently, fixed Kyoya's glasses. Kyoya smiled and Kaoru's fingers brushed over the corner of his upturned mouth.
"I'm glad I have you." Kyoya admitted.
Kaoru flushed. If he were to admit something like that, something equally sentimental and exposing, he would've probably hid his face. Kyoya, on the other hand, faced Kaoru directly. He wasn't afraid to let Kaoru see deeper into his tired eyes. Kaoru imagined Kyoya wasn't opposed to letting Kaoru know how he was feeling, maybe he was opposed to what Kaoru might see within Kyoya, as if it might scare him away. Kyoya knew better, but maybe it was his vulnerable state that made him more wary of unloading everything onto Kaoru's shoulders. He must need Kaoru's quiet company then, so much that he couldn't risk driving Kaoru away with the gory details.
Kaoru understood that with all families of their statue, there was some form of skeletons in the closet. While Hikaru and Kaoru had been blessed with a relatively clean family history, that didn't mean the Ootori siblings were as lucky. Kaoru could only imagine what Yoshio-san had them keep to themselves, if they had seen anything or heard something. He could only imagine what Yoshio-san himself had to keep secret. When it came to old money, you inherited your father's sins, it was that simple.
"Don't be so fond." Karou muttered. "It's disgusting."
Kyoya kept his smile and closed his eyes again.
"I want to help you," Kaoru felt another wave of aching pain fill his chest, "and I don't know how."
Kyoya shook his head and reached out to Kaoru. His arms were open in clear invitation of what Kyoya wanted. Kaoru settled in them, pressed chest to chest with Kyoya.
"This is helping," Kyoya breathed. "Don't worry too much about me."
"Kyoya, I can't stop worrying about you."
Kyoya groaned and buried his face into Kaoru's neck. Kaoru felt himself blush and cursed his bodily reactions. This wasn't the time nor the place for him to get flustered, especially since Kyoya wasn't holding him for any sexual or romantic reasons.
"I don't want you to worry," Kyoya began, " I don't want to burden you, you have enough to worry about already. If anything, I want to lift those weights off your shoulders so you wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore."
"Not being worried at all is bad, you know."
Kyoya made a small questioning sound.
Kaoru sighed, "I guess . . . that's how I show my love. I worry for those who I care about. I do things for them without being asked and I want to keep them safe . . . and happy. If I don't worry, then it means I don't care."
Kaoru felt Kyoya's light breathing against his sensitive neck and swallowed the arousal before it grew any further.
"I realize how self-sacrificial I am," he continued, "You're the same way. We always give up what we have for those we love. I know you had eyes for Haruhi, you can't tell me otherwise. I remember what you said the night I asked you if you had any feelings for Tamaki or anyone else. You said you never did, but that didn't mean you couldn't have been attracted to them. Haruhi is special, not only is she cute, but she has a personality to match. It would be foolish not to at least try with her. But you decided to let her go so that Tamaki could be happy, or at least had the opportunity to be happy with her. The same way I did for Hikaru."
Kyoya didn't correct him or argue otherwise. He listened to Kaoru soft voice and relaxed into Kaoru further.
"However, there's one thing I want to be selfish with. One person I'd never give away."
Kyoya pulled away from Kaoru's neck to look into his face. Kaoru could see the intensity in his expression and felt Kyoya's grip become tighter on his body. Even with the mere centimeters between them it felt like Kyoya's mouth was too far away from his. They both began leaning into each other, so close to crashing like waves against a rocky coast. It probably would have felt just as magnificent as watching the foamy white waves as they rushed against dark stone during a storm if it weren't for the loud and rapid series of knocks on Kyoya's door.
"Young master?" A muffled voice called beyond the door. "Master Hitachiin's chauffeur has arrived to collect him."
"Yes, thank you Hotta. He'll be out in a moment."
If looks could kill, Kaoru was sure the expression Kyoya wore would do the job. After his attention was diverted for those few seconds, a calmer Kyoya looked to Kaoru again disappointed.
"Looks like it's time to go."
Kaoru frowned. He slowly sat up and Kyoya let him. "I'm sorry I couldn't be more help today."
Kyoya took one of his hand and squeezed, "You helped more than you realize."
Kaoru must of looked unsure, so Kyoya took the hand he had squeezed and kissed it. It was a simple gesture, one Kaoru had seen Tamaki do ten thousand times to all of his clients. It seemed very superfluous and overused. A romantic motion that has been around for centuries that didn't hold that much value in Kaoru's eyes, until then. Kyoya's lips were soft and pressed lightly on his knuckles. Kaoru wished he could have felt what it was like to have Kyoya's soft lips on his own. The thought left him extremely frustrated that this was how their meeting had turned out.
"Thank you for being patient." Kyoya said. "I really am sorry for breaking the tablet."
"It's alright. It's just an object. As long as you didn't murder anyone, we're fine."
Kyoya chuckled and sat up as well. He helped Kaoru gather his things and walked him to the door. On their way to the foyer, they past the family den and Kaoru caught a glimpse of Yoshio having a cup of tea. Across from him sat Akito. Kaoru grimaced. Akito also noticed him and Kyoya's departure and scowled at Kaoru. The feelings were mutual. The walk, though, was too short and Kaoru wanted to hang on to those last few moments he could spend with Kyoya. He wished he could steal a kiss then and there, but it was too much of a risk. In fact, they didn't do or say anything that would give away what had just happened before Hotta came knocking on Kyoya's door.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Kaoru said slinging his bag over his shoulder.
"Of course,"
"Well," Kaoru opened the large door to see the family car waiting in the curved driveway, "I'm off."
"Be careful," Kyoya whispered.
Kaoru flashed a coy smile and slipped through the door. Once it closed and he could only hear the sound of the SUV's rumbling engine and his footsteps on the pavement, he felt his heart sink. He was worried about Kyoya, even with Kyoya's reassurances. He wanted to stay longer.
.
.
.
.
The ride home took much longer than usual. Kaoru was wrapped in his negative feelings and thoughts, and they seemed to make the time it took to return home much stretch slower and slower. He found himself pulling at the loose threads of his ripped jeans nervously. He watched as he pulled and unraveled the material further. He couldn't take his mind off Kyoya's cold manner and how the tablet looked. God, how hard did he throw that thing? He didn't know how he was supposed to explain it to his parents or what to do with it until he could explain what happened. Kaoru buried his face in his hands thinking that he'd probably have to get Hikaru involved.
When the car finally arrived at the Hitachiin residence and the vehicle was completely pulled into the large garage, Kaoru jumped out and rushed inside, not bothering to say anything into the family chauffeur like he usually would. He only had one place in mind that he wanted and needed to be. It was the only place he could recharge and hopefully be able to sort through his thoughts.
He located Hikaru in the den playing a new game on their shared PlayStation. Kaoru immediately crumpled beside Hikaru and formed a ball.
"Are you alright?" Hikaru asked, eyes not even leaving the screen.
"I'm alright enough." Kaoru said. "I'm just worried."
"About what?"
It was particularly gory sequence, not to mention complex, that Hikaru was running through in his game. Kaoru winced at the amount of decapitations onscreen. It seemed Hikaru found his favorite combo and stuck to it religiously. This version of the game was not available in Japan for its level of gore. Only the Hitachiins would have access to those releases of violent video games.
Kaoru didn't want to say why he was worried. It was private between him and Kyoya. Instead, he said, "Finals."
Hikaru snorted, "Liar."
Kaoru heaved a heavy sigh, but didn't ever say what he was worried about. Hikaru quickly forgot about it anyways. While Hikaru was preoccupied with a particularly tedious and annoyingly powerful boss, Kaoru let his mind empty out and rest. He closed his eyes to block out the intense and disturbing visuals in front of him, he could manage the loud sounds of gunshots and whip-like sound from Hikaru's in-game melee weapon. The two stayed cuddled together on the couch until their parents got home from their respective offices just an hour later. The twins could hear their father arriving first, rustling around in the kitchen for a snack before dinner. Not too long after, their mother arrived and they could hear the two bickering about the aforementioned snack. It didn't last long as they began discussing something in low tones so that their sons didn't hear from the den. Both Hikaru and Kaoru tried to brace themselves for whatever was going to come next because anytime their parents spoke in such hushed words, it didn't mean anything good for them.
"Boys!" Their father called from the kitchen. Oh, no. "Pause your game and come to the dining room for a moment. We have something to tell you!"
Hikaru groaned and complained about it. Though, he did stand and help Kaoru out of his tight fetal position he contorted his body into. The two drifted into the kitchen, Kaoru still trying to shake off staying in such an odd position for a long period of time and Hikaru looking annoyed out of his mind, but their parents had already moved into the dining room. The twins went through the doorway and sat directly across from their parents at the table. Before them laid were the usual table décorations their mother liked to use; a table runner, place mats, a few modest centerpieces (ones that were in the current trends of interior design), and a large bouquet their father got for their mother every few days or so.
"We have exciting news for you two. We weren't really sure when to tell you this," Yuzuha began and a beaming smile broke out onto her face. She looked to her husband to continue.
He caught her gaze and nodded, "We've been discussing it for a while."
"Hmm-mm," Their mother agreed, "And we didn't necessarily ask the two of you before we made a decision because, well . . . accidents happen."
The giggle that came out of their mother was very odd, it was tense with her uncertainty but it was something she did when she was particularly happy about something. The twins shared an apprehensive look with each other before turning back to their parents.
"What did you do?" Hikaru and Kaoru asked in unison.
Their mother clasped her hands together with vigor. The bangle bracelets she had on clanked loudly with the movement.
"You're going to have a little brother!"
There was a deadly silence that stretched out in the room, cavernous in size. The twins were completely frozen in place. Their mother was stuck in the closed-eyed smile with her hands clasped together and their father with a calm, well-mannered expression. No one moved for a few moments, the mood and atmosphere soured considerably.
"Or sister," Their father chuckled trying to diffuse the tension, "it's too early to tell, of course."
"You're pregnant?" Kaoru asked, trying to confirm. For whatever reason, the pieces weren't all coming together like they should. It was a wrench thrown into the cogs of his mind. What?
"Yes, yes, yes!" Their mother exclaimed. "Aren't you happy?!"
Hikaru fell backwards, chair and all, and crashed onto the floor. Kaoru was too much in shock to even help him. He tried pinching his thigh under the table to try to jump-start himself into action, but it didn't work.
"This isn't necessarily the response we were hoping for," Yuzuha sounded extremely disappointed. "Please don't be too mad."
"Why would we be mad?" Hikaru asked from the floor.
"Well," Yuzuha looked stumped, "I don't know. Sometimes it's hard to predict how you two are going to react."
"We're not mad," Kaoru supplied, "Just surprised. You're gonna have to give us some time."
Yuzuha nodded slowly, and as she thought over it, her nods became more rapid. "Alright, alright. That's fair."
Their father didn't look sure of his sons, but let them go with a slanted frown. He grabbed his wife's hand and covered it with his own. She looked to him with a look of hope. The boys will come around.
Kaoru stood and collected his brother. The two scampered off to their room to sit and think. They were going to be older brothers? There's no way that would have a good influence on their future younger sibling. Kaoru had several scenarios running through his head where one thing or another went wrong and they ended up accidentally murdering their younger sibling. His more rational side told him that he was being overdramatic.
Hikaru and Kaoru sat on their bed and held hands, much like when they were younger. It was still as grounding and comforting as it was when they were little, reminding Kaoru again how much the two didn't like change.
"Hikaru?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you okay?"
Hikaru paused yet his answer was sure. "Well, yeah?"
Kaoru nodded, "What's . . . bothering you the most right now?"
"I can't believe our parents still have sex."
Kaoru's head fell back on its own accord and with the world's largest eyeroll and groan, he cried, "Hikaru!"
"I'm joking. Well, I'm being serious a little bit. I just can't believe it," Hikaru giggled.
Kaoru couldn't believe it either, but he would have to roll with the punches as he always did. "Are you scared?"
"Are you?"
"In some ways, yes. Others, no."
Hikaru nodded in turn. He carded his fingers through his hair, a habit of his when he was stressed. Kaoru saw it wasn't stress exactly when he did it as he was hiding a smile.
"I . . . want to be the best big brother ever."
The tone was unexpected from Hikaru. The serious and most determined look that came from it was even more so. Kaoru turned to his brother and wondered who this guy was. He was most certainly not his twin. Hikaru's look didn't waver when Kaoru's eyes met his.
"You mean that?" Kaoru leaned towards Hikaru.
Hikaru mirrored the position, "Hell yeah. Can you imagine how much fun this is going to be?"
Kaoru pulled away thinking. He never thought of it before. It made him realize that he hadn't really thought about having kids whether they were his own or his parents. Though, Hikaru's inspiring and infectious attitude helped change the tide his mind from one that was pessimistic to one that was optimistic. Again, with the optimism? He really was changing.
"No," Kaoru answered honestly.
Hikaru wrapped an arm wound his twin and held him, "Picture this: in a few years, she's going to be old enough to start pulling pranks on her own. Of course, guided by us, the masters of our art. She's going to be a Hitachiin and have two devilish, older twin brothers."
"'She?"" Kaoru smiled sweetly. "You hope for a girl?"
Hikaru instantly reddened, "Yeah, and? Do you want a boy instead?"
Kaoru shook his head and laughed, "I really don't care if it's a boy or a girl. It could be neither and I'd still be happy."
Hikaru hid his face in Kaoru's shoulder. "I'm scared. Which sounds stupid, but I don't want her . . . or him to have the childhood we had."
"As long as Mom's not having another set of twins, I'm sure our sibling will be fine. Even then, there's a possibility that the hypothetical twins wouldn't have any trouble at all."
Hikaru wrapped his arms around his brother and sighed, "I don't want her to be lonely."
It was a concern. However, that was years off. This child wasn't even fully formed in the womb and they were worried about how he or she was going to be treated on the playground.
"We're already overprotective," Kaoru laughed.
Kaoru felt Hikaru smile on his shoulder and let his eyes close again.
.
.
.
.
After a very awkward dinner, where the twins informed their mother about what they had discussed (which made her absolutely ecstatic), they retired to their room. Kaoru sent a quick text to Kyoya asking if he could video chat later that evening. Of course, the insomniac said yes. A very tired smile settled on Kaoru's lips seeing the affirmative text on his phone's screen. All he had to do was wait until Hikaru was asleep then sneak off to a guest bedroom to talk to Kyoya. To kill time, Kaoru did his homework with Hikaru until about eleven thirty. Once Hikaru's head hit the pillow, he was out like a light. Kaoru shook his head at the quietly snoring lump in the middle of their bed.
Kaoru took his laptop to the guest bedroom across the hall and got comfy in the numerous throw pillows before texting Kyoya that he was ready. Within a few seconds he could see the grainy picture of the Shadow King begin to gain resolution once all the connections lined up. Kyoya was looking closer to normal which gave Kaoru relief.
"So," Kyoya's deep voice gave him shivers up and down his spine as the sound came through his headphones loud and clear, "You couldn't stay away."
Kaoru put on an overly cute frown, "I had something to tell you, but if you're going to be like that . . ."
Kyoya chuckled and Kaoru was trying to make out what he was tracing with eyes off the screen. He looked like he might be reading something on the table next to his computer, "What's the going-on's in the Hitachiin household."
Kaoru watched him bring a glass of water up to his mouth. Kyoya wasn't paying much attention then, he kept his eyes on whatever he was working. Even though he was mesmerized by the way Kyoya's adam's apple bobbed with each sip, Kaoru didn't enjoy the divided attention. Being the kind of asshole he was, he decided to come outright with the news.
"My mom's pregnant."
Kyoya instantly shot water out of his nose and was sent into a coughing fit. He hurriedly wiped all the surfaces off around him that were in the line of fire.
"What?" Kyoya choked.
"My mom," Kaoru paused trying to hold a blank face, "Is pregnant."
Kyoya frowned at his wet work and Kaoru felt pleased with a pinch of guilt. Kyoya pulled a few notebooks out, splattered with water and laid them out to dry.
"I wish I screenshot that," Kaoru felt conflicting feelings rise within him. He had a part of him that wanted to annoy Kyoya to death like a preschooler trying to come to terms with his first crush. The other part was the mature one that felt bad for ruining Kyoya's hard work, it went to work on eating Kaoru's resolve to keep up the act. "I'm sorry."
Kyoya was not amused, "Apology accepted."
"I'm in a weird mood," Kaoru explained honestly. "I did that purpose."
Kyoya had turned in his seat, so Kaoru was looking at his side profile, trying to dry and put things away. Kyoya gave him a glance out of the corner of his eye that caught Kaoru's breath. It was exasperated, though underneath the irritated veneer, there was heat and desire.
"I know. I'll keep in mind that you prefer my full attention."
Kaoru bit his lip and whispered, "Damn straight."
Of course, Kyoya's shoulders shook with mirth. There were seconds where nothing was said between them, but once Kyoya had finished cleaning up the mess, he turned to Kaoru. Kaoru was still there, large noise-cancelling headphones over his ears and shirtless.
"I can only imagine how excited Yuzuha-san is." Kyoya commented. "But how do you feel?"
"Firstly, when did you become a shrink? And secondly, I feel great."
Kyoya hummed. He wasn't sold on Kaoru's demeanor. "What does great feel like?"
Kaoru rolled his eyes. It was a mixture of emotions, none of them really identifiable by words except happiness, excitement, and hope. He felt light and relaxed when he thought about it. He even thought about how his little sibling might look. Would he or she have the rich auburn hair? The dark amber eyes? Would they have their mother's sharp chin or their father's pointed, upward-tilting nose? What would Kaoru make for them to wear?
He blushed intensely at the thought. It had been a while since he had gotten the urge to design something specific for someone. Recently, it had been Kyoya who took the role as his muse. However, at that moment he had a flood of ideas for really cute children's clothing filling his head. He had plenty of experience with them since his mother had always liked designing children's clothing, not to mention putting Hikaru and Kaoru in her designs and modelling them. Kaoru could see the bright colors, shaky shapes, and imaginative designs in his mind's eye.
"I want to design clothes for them," Kaoru said dumbly. It was completely off track, but he supposed Kyoya understood as he always did.
Kyoya put a hand to his chin, fingers covering his mouth. Kaoru saw the smile between them. "You're going to spoil them?"
"No, Hikaru is going to spoil them. I'm not taking the blame."
"Easy there, I was only joking." Kyoya removed the hand and replaced his overly adoring smile with a mischievous one. "I do want to see how this turns out."
"Of course, you do. You want to see either how well or how horrible this goes."
"Kaoru, I doubt anything bad will happen." Kyoya pushed his glasses up. "Between you and Hikaru, they'll be well protected."
Kaoru rubbed the back of his neck, "I hope so."
Kyoya chuckled, resting his head on his hand. "You've had a pretty emotional day?"
Kaoru nodded, "Not just me, you too."
"I-. . . Yeah, well I was upset because of something that happened a few days ago. Yuuichi tried to sit down and have a heart to heart with me."
Kaoru was shocked. He didn't expect the Ootori's to do such things for each other, but at least Yuuichi-san tried?
"It only confirmed my suspicions," Kyoya continued, "That's why I said bad things would happen. I didn't mean to alarm you."
"No, I'm fine. It took me off ‒"
Kaoru saw movement in his peripheral and his eyes shot up. There in the doorway stood a shadowy figure. He reached for the bedside lamp, dousing the room in low, warm light. Hikaru stood unsure against the doorframe. Something was clearly bothering him. He looked pale and sick.
"Are you okay?" Kaoru asked him. His eyes flitted down to the screen to see a concerned Kyoya, thought they fell back onto Hikaru who came into the room.
"I'm sorry," Hikaru mumbled, "I had a nightmare."
"Oh, uh." Kaoru looked to Kyoya again who nodded his head.
"If you need to go, go."
"I'll be back," Kaoru said before setting his laptop off to the side and sliding out of bed. He met Hikaru at the door and guiding him gently back to their room. Hikaru was pliant and tired as Kaoru essentially tucked him back into bed. Kaoru kneeled on the floor next to Hikaru's side and folded his arms under his head as they both regarded each other.
"What happened in your nightmare?"
Hikaru grimaced, "I was in a place, like in the middle of a city, but there were no buildings and no sky. There were people everywhere, it was packed shoulder to shoulder. It was enough to make me feel suffocated."
Kaoru frowned while Hikaru looked away, clearly uncomfortable with what was happening in his head. He was probably seeing the nightmare playing on the back of his eyelids.
"The people had no faces. They were like walking mannequins made out of clay. What's worse was that you weren't there. I called out your name so many times, but you didn't respond. I tried to run to find you and get out of the crowd, but the further I went the more people there were. Eventually, it got to the point where there wasn't any room. I couldn't move and the pressure from all the people just got heavier and stronger. I couldn't breathe."
Kaoru felt the residual fear radiating off his brother. It was a very disturbing dream to have. Usually, it was Kaoru who was having the panic inducing dreams. Kaoru didn't want to think that the reason why Hikaru was having these dreams was because of him. However, it made sense. There was so much change happening in their lives; Kaoru was pulling away, there was a baby on the way, and Kyoya and Kaoru's relationship was growing. He put himself in Hikaru's shoes and pictured how it felt to be in Hikaru's situation.
"I'm sorry, Hikaru."
Hikaru's eyes were on him and they burned in the darkness, "Don't apologize. You always apologize."
"I feel like it's my fault."
"It's not," Hikaru's voice was harsh and tense, "Don't ever think that."
"Okay, okay . . ."
"Kaoru, you're not a burden. I am. I'm supposed to be the big brother who protects you, but a lot of times you're the one who's keeping me upright."
"Age has nothing to do with us, we're the same age."
Hikaru growled and rolled over, putting his back to Kaoru. It was his way of putting space between them, if you could even call it that. It showed that he was upset without shoving his twin away completely.
"It doesn't matter." Hikaru said. "I'm tired."
Kaoru bit his tongue. A lot of choice words were rising to the surface, but he caged them behind his teeth. Instead, he let them settle heavy in his chest. This was how it had to be with Hikaru. He resented the way he had to hide himself, his responses and reactions, and his emotions, but it was way better than the alternative of Hikaru having a complete meltdown with him. They have had some pretty nasty fights between them, and not the fake ones they put on for the host club. In fact, the fight they had to trick Haruhi into a visit was nothing but a piss poor joke in comparison to their previous rows.
He pulled himself from the bed and left the room. When he got back to his laptop, Kyoya was reading again.
"Hello," Kyoya greeted breezily once Kaoru's headphones were back in place.
Kaoru sighed heavily in response. He wasn't in the mood to talk to Kyoya anymore, which was . . . new. However, Kaoru still wanted to have this time with Kyoya.
"You have my undivided attention once more." Kyoya grinned after setting aside his books. He noticed Kaoru's long face and let the grin die. "What's wrong?"
Kaoru shook his head, "I don't feel like talking anymore."
"Do you want to go to bed?"
Annoyance bloomed in Kaoru's chest. He wished Kyoya could see what he wanted. Sometimes it felt that way, when Kyoya could read a person as if he were reading a children's book, an easy second-nature. However, Kyoya was cautious with Kaoru. He was more careful of overstepping boundaries out of sensitivity. Yet, because he didn't jump to his normal, well-informed conclusions, it made him awfully slow on the uptake.
"No, I don't want to talk," Kaoru pushed his long bangs out of the way and tucked them under his headphones, "but I want to stay on the call."
"Oh, that's fine. Do you mind if I continue my work?"
Kaoru shook his head and watched Kyoya dive back into whatever he was doing. In a way, it was mesmerizing to watch. Kyoya had a very straight face, however there were little idiosyncrasies where his eyebrows might twitch upwards or his mouth pull down when he encountered new problems. Kaoru adored the little bits of Kyoya he could get that were like this. The small things no one would notice about Kyoya, or at least wouldn't notice consciously or purposely. He committed many of them to memory already, but he was always open to learning more.
After about twenty-five minutes, Kaoru's eyelids began to close on their own, weighed down by mental and emotional exhaustion. He changed positions to get more comfortable, but made the urge to doze worse. It hit him so fast that before he could even try to go to bed, he was completely asleep. It wasn't until another hour later that Kyoya noticed him on the other end of the call. Kaoru was sleeping on his side with his head tucked in his arm, looking peaceful. Kyoya took a moment to study the sleeping teen's features before sending a small text to Kaoru and ending the call.
Kyoya: Alas, Calculus II keeps me burning the candle at both ends. Though, it seems you were more tired than I. Goodnight, Kaoru. I'll see you tomorrow.