I furrowed my brow, staring down at the swirl of translucent egg whites and yellow-orange yolks. I was still processing the aftermath of Kira's antics, and I was doing it by cooking. I found myself growing more and more frustrated by it the more I glared at the eggs.

I was more-so disappointed by the redhead- she was provided a mentally unstable cannibal with mind altering chemicals without fully knowing the after-effects that would be left on the ninja. For all I knew, Zetsu could snap at any moment and go on a people eating spree, and he'd likely begin with Itachi and I. Instead of looking like a toddler waiting patiently for a treat, he could be eating my organs...

I shuddered and cast my gaze away from the adorable men. They're not toddlers. You're not their caretaker. As much as you want to coddle them, ignore the urge. They're not children.

"Ne, Zena-chan..." I looked at Zetsu, who smiled sweetly at me. "You promised me a treat."

I nodded in confirmation, though I had forgotten my promise. "Right. Anything specific you'd like to eat?"

He was quiet a moment before a grin spread across his face. "Could I eat you?"

Itachi spat out a sip of tea he had just drank, and I snorted. "There will be no cannibalism."

Zetsu's grin quickly faded into a smirk, but he was quiet as I felt around in the top of the fridge.

"However, I have something else you can snack on." I finally found the object I was searching for (though one of the two tall, strong ninjas could have helped the 5" girl with a task she was obviously trying to climb the refrigerator to complete- but hey, they were basically retarded at this point). I pulled the ceramic cookie jar down and snagged two of the sweet baked treats before sliding it between the two hungry ninjas, who descended on them like wolves. I made a mental note to refill my stash, a task that I looked forward to. I was too busy contemplating what recipe to use that I hadn't noticed Itachi's soft praise until he cleared his throat.

"Hmm?" I looked at the raven, who's hair was loose around his shoulders. He seemed at ease, something I'd never seen in my four months of knowing the ninja on a personal level.

"Zena-san, you're quite amazing." He repeated, and I smiled at him. "You can cook, you enjoy cleaning, you're a rather sweet person, and these cookies are so delightful, I'm beginning to think you've put Opium in them."

I snorted, "Thank you, but they've only got walnuts- and love." I giggled playfully, and Itachi let out a soft laugh.

"If I weren't absolutely disgusted by humanity, I'd pay your father a handsome dowry."

I flushed, unsure of how to respond to the compliment, but I was cut off before I could. Zetsu was suddenly on me, pulling me close to his body. He snarled at the Uchiha, "This is mine, get your own."

I flashed hot with anger, wrenching myself away from the bipolar plant-man. "Zetsu-san, I'm not an object, and I'd prefer it if you wouldn't refer to me as such. If you'll excuse me," I swallowed down the wave of anxiety and locked eyes with Itachi, "I'm in need of a shower."

I quickly and awkwardly excused myself from the now-silent kitchen and nearly bumped into Suki and Kisame, who were wrapped in a pretty intense kiss. His blue hair was tousled from sleep, and he had dark purple bags under his eyes. No doubt his girlfriend had roused him from his slumber to bitch about her twin. I nodded at the tall blue shark-man, who mumbled 'goodnight, Zena-san'. I grunted, and quickened my pace.

Eventually reaching my destination, I threw open my bedroom door and slammed it behind me.

Did that really just happen? No, I'm sure that there's some reason Zetsu had acted so odd, most likely caused by Kira's influence.

After calming myself with a few deep breaths, I gathered a fresh set of clothes and a bathrobe and set out for the bathroom. Our section of the base was identical to the others- our wing had three bedrooms along one side of the hall and a bathroom across from the middle room- my room.

I entered the bathroom and locked the door, quickly undressing as the shower heated up. I stepped into the hot spray of water and felt my muscles start to loosen. I groaned, flexing my fingers, warming my joints and knuckles. I wanted to melt into a puddle and slide down the drain.

Perhaps Zetsu was only attempting affection because his Leader demanded it. His nice acts would be meaningless. And since 'they' hadn't yet figured out a real reason to keep us around, I would have to supply them with a reason.

Fortunately, I didn't mind menial tasks such as cooking, cleaning, or playing housewife to 10+ criminals and three 20-something year old girls.

I began absently cleaning myself, washing and rinsing my hair. I was working conditioner through my thick locks when I heard a slight thump. I grabbed the nearest object- the bottle of shampoo- and peeked out of the curtain.

I was confronted with the sight of a half-clothed (and surprisingly lean) Zetsu.

"Oh my freaking god!" I shrieked, registering that he was undressing and I was stark naked. I yanked the curtain around myself, "Zetsu!"

He regarded me with a raised eyebrow, as if there was nothing wrong with the scene. "Yes, Zena-chan?"

I growled. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He shrugged. "I'm simply joining my mate in the shower-"

"Excuse me, what!?" I jumped as he moved to drop his pants. He paused to stare at me. "Zetsu-san, I am not your mate."

The plant-man scoffed. "Not true. Your seal required 'true loves kiss' to restore you- I kissed you, you changed, therefore I am your mate."

"The inexplicable bond of our souls doesn't define our relationship, mutual consent does."

He raised a green eyebrow. "Are you not consenting?"

I shook my head. "No. In my world, a relationship like a mate would start after two people spent ample time together and both decided to pursue a deeper connection."

"Hm," he mumbled, "That's stupid."

I couldn't argue, traditional courtship rites were a tad outdated and moronic, but I wasn't going to let him think that he owned me simply because something in his thousand-year old mind dictated that I was.

"You are mine," His white half almost mused, but his black hair carried on the statement, "and I intend to show any other rivals for your affection as much."

So he didn't care about the romantic aspect of a relationship, just the right to 'own' me and flaunt it should anyone else show interest in me?

That's... so incredibly toxic, I realized as a glare settled on my face. "Get the hell out."

He looked taken aback, "What?"

"You heard me," I bit out, "Get the fuck out, Zetsu!" I shrieked the last part, and he looked like a kicked puppy for a moment before slinking back and slinking down into the shadows. Once I was sure he was gone, I breathe out a deep sigh.

The water was cooling off by now, and I re-adjusted the temperature and hissed at the still-cold water. Damn it!

I rinsed my locks in the cold water and hastily exited the shower. The bathroom was cold again, and I wrapped the too-large bathrobe around my frame. After toweling off my hair and discarding my dirtied clothes in the hamper, I exited the bathroom, nearly running into somebody for the fifth time that day. Should probably start watching where I'm going.

It was Zetsu again, looking considerably more stressed than the last time I had seen him. He was still shirtless.

"Freakin' shirtless ninjas freakin' popping up outta nowhere," I mumbled, attempting to move past him.

"Zena-san," The tone of his voice stopped me in my tracks. "I-ahem- I apologize for my behavior earlier, and my sudden forwardness."

I shifted uncomfortably, still angry about the confrontation.

"I understand that you are nobody's property, and will never be so, however this is how it is here. I can't lie, I think you're an amazing woman and I intend to right that wrong with you."

I was taken aback by his openness and honesty, but couldn't find the right words to say.

"I am willing to commit to your earthly dating rituals, if you'd allow me."

A smirk crept across my face. "Zetsu, are you asking me on a date?"

He returned my smirk, "Something like that."

The next morning I woke like I usually did; with Tobi jumping on me and chanting, "Pancakes!" mere inches from me face.

"Alright," I relented, sitting up. "Fine, let's go!"

"Yippee!" Tobi cheered, standing up straight to let me sit up. "Pan-cakes! Pan-cakes! Cakes-In-A-Pan!"

The cheery child-like young adult skipped from my room, leaving my door open. I followed after him, already missing the warmth of my bed.

In the kitchen, Tobi had everything prepared for me, having already memorized the steps necessary to make the fluffy cakes. He refused to make them for himself because he claimed that mine were made with 'magic'.

The masked man had also prepared a cup of tea for himself and had started a pot of coffee for anyone who'd want some.

It beeped to signify its readiness to be drank as I walked in, and I took a deep lungful of the aroma of hot-bean-water. There was momentary reprieve in the bitter liquid sliding down my throat, a deep contented sigh immediately following. "Good morning, Tobi-kun,"

He nodded at me, "Good morning, Zena-chan. You went to sleep with wet hair again."

I frowned, glancing at a tendril of messy brown hair. "It's alright," I mused, washing my hands. "Kira kind of caused a scene last night."

"Mm? How so?" This was asked in a deeper voice, Obito's voice.

Reluctantly, I told him about Kira's antics. He was surprisingly interested in the tale. "Hm, so they behaved erratically, but were ultimately alleviated from some of their... conditions?"

I hummed in confirmation. "Zetsu was particularly out-of-character, though."

"Really? What happened?" Obito usually seemed more interested in our conversations when I brought up the bipolar plant-man. I was starting to think he shipped us.

After cooking a dozen chocolate-chip pancakes, I plated them and presented them to the ecstatic man. He slipped his mask to the side and ate quickly, grinning through the mouthful of sweet cakes and chocolate.

I sipped my coffee, watching him devour his meal contentedly.

When he finished, he replaced his mask and patted my head. "Thank you for the meal, Zena-chan."

I smiled, bringing my mugs to my lips for another sip of coffee, "My pleasure."

"So," He began, "You said that Zetsu-san was acting strange?"

I sighed, "Yeah, Itachi may have said something about wanting to marry me over cookies, and Zetsu got pretty territorial."

"Ah," Tobi said, "Zetsu is known for possessiveness."

"So much so that he called me his 'mate' and tried to join me for my shower."

He barked out a laugh, "I take it that didn't go over so well."

"You'd be correct," I deadpanned, "He did, however, apologize and ask me on 'something like' a date."

Tobi squealed, and I felt like I was making all his little OTP dreams come true.

"Wait, what do you mean 'something like'?"

I shrugged. "I'm not exactly sure, but I am pretty excited."

Deidara and Sasori entered the kitchen then, effectively killing my conversation with Obito. The Uchiha resumed his child-like persona.

"Zena-chan made pancakes and they have chocolate in them!" He shrieked, and Deidara struck him across the back of the head. Tobi yelped and grabbed at his head comically.

"Here," I offered the blonde a plate stacked with pancakes and covered in homemade syrup. He drooled and accepted the food. "I'll be making a proper breakfast if you can hang out for a little while."

"I'm afraid we've got a mission," Sasori cut in. "As it stands, we're seven minutes behind schedule due to the idiot's insistence to brush his hair five times." So he wasn't very happy.

"Oh, is Kira tagging along?" I asked, suddenly aware of her absence.

"We'll be back before this afternoon," Deidara explained. "And Leader-sama said she's grounded."

I felt a smirk tug at the corner of my mouth. "Well then, eat up and be on your way." I chided the bomber. "That way Sasori-san will stop trying to burn a hole into the back of your skull."

Deidara gulped and quickly finished off his meal, wiping his hands on a towel and pecking me sweetly on the cheek. "Thank you for the meal, Zena-chan!"

"No problem," I mumbled as they disappeared.

Tobi had also disappeared sometime during my conversation with the artists, leaving me alone to cook breakfast in peace.

I wasn't bothered; that just meant there were no witnesses for what I was about to do.

Having no radio or music, I began to sing my own versions of 90's songs and dance around the kitchen as I cooked, baked, and mixed up breakfast.

I was halfway through 'semi-charmed life', too engrossed in the music playing in my head, to notice that I was no longer alone.

I turned away from the bowl of pancake mix and ran into Kira, who had apparently been standing directly behind me, watching me act stupid.

"Oh dear jesus," I breathed, pressing my palm to my chest. "You scared the crap outta me."

She grinned, clearly amused. "Have Deidara and Sasori left yet?"

I moved around her to flip the cakes before they burned, "About twenty minutes ago."

"hmm," she mused, preparing a cup of tea for herself.

By the time she had fully steeped her aromatic teabag, I had produced several more pancakes to match the eggs and bacon I had already fried.

I grabbed myself a single pancake and doused it in my homemade blueberry syrup and sat at the island-counter.

"Listen," I began after swallowing a lump of sticky pancake. "I understand your reason for dosing Zetsu-san and Itachi-san, however I can't agree with it."

"What do you mean?" She asked, setting her mug down and narrowing her eyes at me.

"It was rather reckless," I started, "You didn't know what would happen, giving drugs to these notoriously mentally unstable criminals."

"I'd understand the concern if it were something harder, like meth or speed. It was marijuana, the epitome of 'chill-out' drugs. I mean, except for horse tranquilizer... Anyways, you know what it's like, why are you so bothered by it?"

I tried to refrain from making a face, but Kira caught me. Her black rimmed eyes widened, and I swallowed.

"What? Zena, have you never been high?" She asked, genuinely surprised.

"I haven't," I admitted with an indignant sniff. "Nor do I have the desire to."

Kira scoffed, "You're like, the queen of tranquility. I'd only assumed you'd experienced everything that life had to offer..."

"Like I said, I don't have any curiosity about it." I moved around the counter to rinse off my now empty plate. She handed me her mug and left the kitchen with a "see ya".

Sakana had insisted on cooking lunch, so I didn't bother nearing the kitchen for a few hours. Not having anything else to do with my day, though, was hell.

I ended up wandering the halls absently, until I stumbled into Zetsu, who caught me easily.

"sorry," I mumbled as I stood back on my own feet. "I wasn't paying attention."

"It's alright," Zetsu's white half said quietly.

We stood in an awkward silence for a moment before Zetsu broke it. "Would you mind helping me in the garden?"

I agreed and followed him through the house.

The next hour of my afternoon was spent digging up row of holes and planting seedlings. Zetsu had no organizational system for his garden, but I tried to group similar plants together to the best of my ability.

It was serene, and neither of us spoke unless we had to, but it was a lovely way to spend a few hours. After that, Zetsu helped me tend the plants in my corner of the garden.

"Your sprouts are growing nicely," White Zetsu commented. "I'm impressed."

"Thank you," I bowed my head slightly. "Though you've put more work into them than I have."

He made a noise of dissent, but didn't comment.

We went our separate ways afterwards, though both of us were covered in clumpy soil and green leaves, I decided on just changing my clothes, while he mumbled something about taking a shower.

Upon entrance to my room, I was greeted by Konan.

"Zena-chan, I have orders from Pein-sama." She said from her perch on my bed. Something silky and green was folded beside her.

"Hai," I said, and she smirked.

"There is a festival in the village. You're going to attend with Kisame, Suki, Sasori, Kira, Hidan, and Sakana. Zetsu will join you in an hour or so, but he had some recon work." The only female Akatsuki member explained.

She went on to explain that the men were performing a top-secret assassination mission, and the other girls and I were to act as if we were all simply enjoying the festival together. Of course, we were also free to enjoy the festival once the mission was complete.

Konan held up the folded object to me finally, and it unfolded out into a beautiful silk green yukata with darker green leaves decorating it.

"Oh, it's lovely," I smiled, reaching out to touch the smooth fabric. "I don't know how to wear one of these, though."

"No worries," Konan assured me, "I'll help you."

She set to work, twisting my hair up and around, pinning it on top of my head. Then she dusted my face with makeup and helped me into the gown.

When I finally got a look at myself, I didn't even register that it was me for a moment. I looked... strikingly beautiful.

I thanked Konan for her hard work and let her lead me out into the living room.

"Hot damn!" Sakana cheered upon my arrival. "Giiiirl you is foine."

I flushed, but bowed my head in thanks.

"You look amazing!" Tobi and Suki chorused before exchanging a look.

"Yeah," Kisame added. "You look nice."

I realized then that everyone else was already ready, and they were just waiting on me. "Sorry to hold you all up," I apologized.

"No worries, Hidan is dragging ass." Sakana waved her hand flippantly.

I took the time to study their different looks while we were waiting on Hidan's presence.

Suki was wearing a sky blue yukata with a white cloud design littering the top of her gown. Kira's was similar, though hers depicted the night sky with twinkling stars.

Sakana had on a blood red gown with black lines etched across, but unlike the rest of us, her gown was only knee-length. I made a mental note to as Konan where the beautiful garments came from.

Kisame and Sasori were in plain yukatas, but their partners were wearing basic black ninja gear.

"What will Itachi and Deidara be doing?" I asked, curious.

"Kakuzu, Tobi, Itachi, and Deidara will be completing a mission 15 miles south. They are under strict orders, and this mission is confidential, so that's all you're authorized to know." Konan explained as Hidan and Kakuzu entered the room.

With all members present, save for Zetsu, we departed for our mission. Kisame and Suki took the lead, travelling north down the dusty road. Sasori and Kira followed directly behind them, and Sakana took off, Hidan chasing her down the road.

Eventually, we reached a clearing close to the town. Kisame, Hidan and Sasori performed a quick henge jutsu and disguised themselves.

Kisame now had a more natural skin color, with black hair and eyes... He looked a tad like Zabuza, but nobody commented on it.

Sasori was now a brunette, his eyes were baby blue. Hidan had a thatch of Uzumaki-maroon hair and green eyes. He looked like he was trying on a poor cosplay of Nagato.

The others quickly broke off to secure different sections of the village, leaving Kisame, Suki, and I standing at the entrance of the town.

Kisame led us down the road and ducked into an alley for a moment, before emerging and announcing that he had just spoken with Pein.

"Leader-sama said that Zetsu-san should be here soon, but until then you can stay with us."

"Thank you, but I want to look at the stalls, and I know Suki is starving."

Her stomach growled loudly and she grinned nervously. "I was hoping to snag some dango."

Kisame smiled and patter her head. "Will you be alright?"

I beamed at his concern. "Yes, I'll be fine. Now, go. Enjoy yourselves." I shooed them away.

They left, but didn't go far. I could still see Suki's bouncing blonde head peeking up over the crowd, and it wasn't hard to spot her- even with a henge active, Kisame still towered over most of the civilians.

I took to admiring displayed goods, but one cart caught my eye. The stand had an assortment of bejeweled accessories, hairpins and brooches with intricate designs and small, shining gems.

"They're beautiful," I told the old woman who stood near the stand.

She bowed her head and took a step closer to me. "My husband and I made them," she told me.

"You've done a wonderful job," this brought another smile to the old woman's face. "How long have you been doing this?"

"We've been married for sixty years," she began, "and we've been crafting for forty."

I bought one of the woman's pins, it was silver and thin, but carved up the metal stem and had a few tiny Peridot gems settled into the top. She helped me pin it into my hair, and patted me on the back.

"Young woman," the wise woman began, "You might never find who you're supposed to spend your life with if you don't step outside of your bubble and look at life with a different perspective."

I nodded, though not really understanding what she meant.

Other customers were approaching, so I bid her farewell and went on my way.

I found myself near the liveliest part of town; an open square where people were dancing and singing. Glancing around, I could barely spot the top of Kisame's head, and let myself feel more at ease.

"Excuse me," a young man with white hair and dark green eyes approached me. "Miss, would you like to dance?"

"Uh—" I started, "I'm not a great dancer."

The man offered me an understanding smile, "I promise I won't let you fall."

"Alright," I agreed, taking his outstretched hand.

He led me on the dance floor, expertly guiding me to the music.

"My name is Sezu," he said after a moment.

"Zena," I replied, shifting my hand in his palm.

"It's a pleasure to dance with you, Zena-chan." He smiled, kissing my hand.

I flushed, "Likewise, Sezu-san."

After a few minutes of twisting me around, Sezu excused himself. I thanked him, and he thanked me, and then he was gone.

Another man approached me, this one with a much stockier build. He didn't as much ask me to dance as he took my hand and led me off, but I didn't fight it, instead opting to just get the dance over with and duck back into the crowd.

His idea seemed to be different, apparently, as he held onto me for a few songs, his hands slowly taking away inches of my dignity.

I finally grew tired of pushing his hands away, and stomped on his foot hard.

He didn't like that.

A sudden pain in my scalp told me that he had a fistful of my hair. I yelped, but he clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Listen, tease, you're gonna be nice and quiet, you're gonna come with me, and I'm not gonna hurt ya, okay?"

I nodded mutely, his hand still covering my face. Nobody looked at us, it was as if we were invisible to them.

I realized that this was how I was going to die- I had stupidly assumed that the only bad guys in the world were the Akatsuki, but here I was, no doubt minutes away from being raped and murdered.

Thinking of the only thing that could get me out of this, I told the man, "I'll scream if you don't let me go."

He sneered, "Then scream, dear. They won't hear you."

I gulped. "What do you mean?"

He snorted, "You really are stupid. They're under a genjutsu." He gave me a twisted grin, "Now, shall we?"

As the man drug me off, I couldn't help but look around, trying to catch anyone's attention. My struggles were futile, nobody batted an eye in our direction.

"Please," I finally pleaded, "Don't."

He said nothing, but sneered again as he spirited me away.

In the abandoned alleyway, he let my hair go and pulled a kunai out. The sharp steel instrument glinted in the few remaining shreds of daylight.

I gulped, watching his face as he turned the tool around in his fingers. Before I could register the movement, he was on me in a second, the blade now pressing into the soft skin of my throat.

His other hand was feeling me through my yukata, the thin material offering no resistance to his advances.

"Please," I pleaded once more, but he silenced me with a powerful backhand. I felt the blade nick my skin as the force sent me staggering to the left.

"Shut up, bitch, There's no escape."

I felt anger rise up like bile; burning at the inside of my chest and threatening to spill out into my throat.

This man, who seemed to think he could take what he wanted... This man, who seemed to think he could do what he wanted... This man was garbage, and he didn't deserve to exist in this world.

The rage rose up, warming up my arms, heat licking at my palms.

Words and motions came to me, and I mirrored them, yet I didn't know what they meant.

"Plant style: One Thousand Vines." I murmured, disconnectedly watching the green tendrils burst from the ground and impale the horrendous man repeatedly.

Eventually, it stopped, and his corpse fell to the ground, lifeless. I sank to my knees, heaving.

My pretty yukata was ruined, the pin I had purchased had been lost when that man took a hold of me by my hair. I wiped blood off of my face with the back of my hand, but realized that I had only succeeded in wiping more across my cheek than I had attempted to remove.

A few long moments later, I heard someone calling out for me. "Zena!"

I turned to look at the entrance of the alleyway; there the other man I had met stood, taking in the gory scene with an odd look in his eye.

"Are you alright?" He asked, running over to me and kneeling at my side.

"I-... I think I'm alright." I finally mumbled. "How did you find me?"

He smiled softly, "There was an enormous chakra surge."

I nodded, that makes sense.

I suddenly remembered that the others were still scattered about, and suddenly stood up. "I need to find my friends."

"You're a mess," Sezu-san said, "Let me help you."

"No!" I cried, backing away from him. "I'm sorry, but after what just happened—I can't trust you."

He looked like a kicked puppy for a second, but nodded in understanding and disappeared.

I couldn't find any of the others, but the town was mostly empty; everyone had taken to the riverside and the hills to take in the fireworks show at dusk.

The benefit of the abandoned town was that there was nobody to give me odd looks for being covered in blood.

"Zeeeena!" A masculine voice called from a few streets away.

I ran toward the voice, once again bumping into Zetsu.

I was more than relieved to see the plant man, even if it were only his white half.

"Zetsu-san!" I cried, practically burying myself into his robe. "I need you to help me-"

"Dispose of a body?" He asked, "Not to worry, I've got it covered. Sasori-san found the mess and called Leader-sama. The person you took out was the person we were sent to assassinate."

That man was really so strong as to have not one, but FOUR Akatsuki members sent after him, but a weak young woman took him out?

"So your-uh, well, black Zetsu is taking care of it, right?"

Zetsu nodded. "Zena-chan, are you hurt?"

"Mm. Just tired." I mumbled. He swept me into his arms and we phased into the ground, ready to go home and sleep.