Hey guys! I hope this extra-long chapter makes up for the cliffhangers and lack of updates!

Sakana

I woke in a small square room, the length on long enough for me to lay down. A pair of threadbare sheets were piled in the corner. There was a small metal bucket in the corner of the room, I could only assume to serve as my means of 'relieving' myself.

I shuddered, rejecting the idea. Sitting in the corner of the cold room, I resolved myself to only speak to Tsunade. If my theory was correct, she wanted us here for a very specific reason, and once I gave her what she wanted, I could go back to Akatsuki.

I hoped.

In all actuality, Konoha still hated the Akatsuki. And why shouldn't they? Akatsuki was after world peace, but the path they were on was wrong. Nothing I could say to Pein would change that.

My body was sore as if someone had crudely poked me with a needle all over. I could only hope that it was a sign that Kakuzu had gotten Hidan all fixed up. In that case, I was happy about the feeling.

For several hours I sat with my thoughts, mentally waging war against myself. Eventually, the giant metal door creaked open, and I was joined in the small cell.

Ibiki Morino stood in front of me in all of his towering, menacing glory.

"Morino Ibiki," I said, craning my neck to look at him. "I request an audience with the Godaime Hokage."

He chuckled. "Akatsuki filth do not make requests."

"Am I wearing Akatsuki garb?" I asked, knowing full well I had only been wearing black training pants and a T-shirt when we had been attacked.

"You have Akatsuki tattooed on your shoulder," he informed me.

Oh yeah. I grimaced. "You were tipped off by the toad sage, correct? Then surely he told you that I have valuable knowledge."

Morino wasn't phased. "Information that I can and will take from you."

"Try as you might," I deadpanned. "But I won't spill until I am sure my knowledge will be safe." I crossed my arms and sniffed, adding, "with Tsunade."

Wordlessly, the top ANBU interrogator hauled me to my feet and led me through the dim stone corridors. He eventually came to a stop in front of one of the many identical metal doors. We were in one of the interrogation chambers, a small table and two chairs situated in the middle. A single light hung over the center of the table, I supposed to intimidate me.

"Your name, girl," Ibiki grumbled.

"Bite me," I replied.

"How is that spelled?" He retorted.

"G-O F-U-C-K Y-O-U-R-S-E-L-F." I enunciated.

Ibiki slammed a fist on the table. "Don't act tough with me, girl."

"I am tough," I replied, "At least more than you give me credit for. I only ask one thing in return for all the information in my brain and you still don't seem to be understanding."

Ibiki crossed his arms again, glowering at me.

"I'll bite my tongue off before I speak to you. I don't want to talk to Danzo. I want to talk to Tsunade. I get it, he's your boss and all, but he's deplorable and none of my knowledge will be given to him."

Ibiki watched me for a few moments more, silent and brooding. He reminded me of Kakuzu a tad bit, and I decided that I liked the big guy.

"Morino-san," I swallowed the dry lump in my throat. "I know where your brother is."

He didn't budge, still staring at me silently.

"You are a no-nonsense type of guy," I sighed. "Fine. Do what you want."

So he did.

Kira

Sasori, Deidara, and I traveled northeast, further away from our home and my sister.

I made minimal conversation with Deidara but didn't speak to Sasori. I was still hurt by the things he'd said a few days before. What did I expect, agreeing to be involved in his dumb social experiment? He was testing me, messing with my head just to see what it'd do.

I hated him but I wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him and exist.

My life was a contradiction.

"Hey, so what's going on with you and Danna, hm?" Deidara asked one morning, while Sasori was out procuring supplies. We had taken up residence in a small two-bedroom cabin deep in the Ame forest, close enough to a small village to stay for a while.

I was scrambling eggs in the kitchen, and Deidara was perched on the counter, drinking coffee. "Nothing is going on," I replied, frowning.

"Yeah, exactly, hm," the blonde replied. "I thought there was a thing."

"I thought so too," I snapped, dumping the eggs into a bowl for him. "But your Danna isn't interested. I can't force him to feel the same way I do, and he's incapable of feeling, so... Nothing is going on."

I stalked into my room, hearing his 'yeesh' as I left.

Sasori probably couldn't grasp the concept of love, so the whole idea that he was supposed to be my 'soul mate' was so ridiculous.

I missed Suki. She'd know what to say. She'd know what to do. But we hadn't had any contact with the others. We hadn't even contacted Pein yet.

Plopping myself onto the bed, I lit the end of the cone of canna and began manipulating the smoke. It circled in whisps like a miniature tornado, concentrating more and more as the cone burned out until I eventually inhaled the vapor and held my breath.

I sighed for the millionth time, hating the overwhelming feeling of ickiness that shrouded me. The smoke fanned out, dissipating into the corners of the small room.

Feeling overwhelmed, I crawled under the blanket on my bed. Slowly, the side effects of the canna had me drifting away into a dreamless sleep.

Sometime later, a knock sounded on the door, waking me from my nap. I sat up and glanced out the window- several hours had passed by the way the dreary forest landscape had dimmed.

It was probably Deidara coming to check if I'm alright. "Yeah," I called, "what is it?"

The door creaked open, but I didn't bother looking.

"Dinner is ready," Sasori's voice softly informed me.

"I'll pass," I droned, pulling the blanket closer around me. "Feed it all to Deidara."

"You haven't eaten today, Kira." Sasori was suddenly at the side of my bed, ripping my blanket off of me.

"Hey!" I shouted, reaching for the warm quilt. He held it out of my reach.

"You need to eat," Sasori sternly commanded, his brow furrowing.

"Who are you to tell me what I need?" I bit out, anger rise in my tone. "Last I checked you don't give a shit about me!"

Sasori faltered, dropping the blanket. "Fine," he snapped as he turned and stormed from the bedroom. "Stay in here and starve."

"It's better than being with you," I replied to his retreating form.

God damn it, I hate myself.

Kakuzu

If they weren't in such deep shit with Pein, Kakuzu would shred Hidan back into tiny little pieces and leave him for the wolves.

After Kakuzu had battled ferociously with Kakashi, the bastard had the nerve to disappear, leaving no trace of himself or their precious kitten anywhere. Kakuzu was left to search through the forest for his partner's gory pieces.

After gathering up as much of his as Kakuzu could- namely the large parts like arms, legs, and the torso, Kakuzu retreated with his gruesome luggage to the base in the land of Wind.

Currently, that base was a cave that protected him against the battering breeze and the slinging sand.

Kakuzu hated the Wind country almost as much as he hated the beheaded Hidan as the miser stitched him back together. Hidan would jerk and twitch as Kakuzu sewed him back together, and for once Kakuzu was enjoying spending time with Hidan.

It was quiet and calm, and the two main causes of his stress were currently in the hands of his enemies.

...Right.

After finishing the job, Kakuzu tied Hidan's headless body to himself and contacted Pein.

He knelt in the presence of his very angry leader and delivered his report. The mission failed, the kitten was taken by Konoha. As was Hidan's head.

Pein was furious, of course. Kakuzu wasn't too surprised by that, rather annoyed that now he'd have to trek back to Konoha to retrieve his two dumbasses and clean up any messes they'd made.

Each squad would be heading in the direction of Konoha after three days, and each would assist in infiltrating and retrieving Hidan and Sakana.

For the time being, Kakuzu only hoped that the kitten would be alright. Fuck Hidan.

Sakana

Ibiki was especially interested in the quick regeneration of my wounds, continuously cutting me open and watching me bleed.

"Surely you're an experiment of Orochimaru's?" He asked, wiping away the small stream of my blood flowing down my side.

"Nope," I replied, popping my lips.

"Hmm..." he murmured, poking at me with a needle. "Fascinating."

"Ouch," I growled.

He continued the barrage of tests; taking a biopsy of my skin and inspecting it under a microscope, breaking the bones in my hand and watching them heal, eventually settling on repeatedly slicing the same wound open.

"What is Akatsuki's plan?" He asked, his movements halting.

"Nunya," was my response.

"Where have the members of Akatsuki gone?" Ibiki urged, resuming his task.

I winced, gritting my teeth. "I don't know."

"What is your name?" He asked again.

"Bob Saget," I gritted out.

He set down the scalpel and let my skin heal before pulling my shirt down. "Why do you support Akatsuki's cause?"

"Because they're cool and they offered me cupcakes," I replied, crossing my arms.

"I admire your refusal to give in, fine. Tomorrow you'll get a brief audience with Tsunade. You will be cuffed and chakra-bonded, and you will behave." He informed me. "This is the deal I will give you, granted you tell me one thing."

I bit my lip, considering my options.

"Think quick, girl. This is the closest you'll ever get to the Hokage. Decline and I may be liable to send you to research for more... experimentation."

"Fine." I agreed. "What do you want to know?"

"Your name." He bit out. "I just want your fucking name."

I sighed, "You're not gonna like it."

"Just tell me what your name is."

"Okay," I said and revealed my identity to him.

Kira

Sasori didn't speak to me until the day we were leaving the creaky cabin. I suppose it was fair, seeing as I didn't make an effort to speak to him either, choosing only to communicate with Deidara.

"Tell the brooding brat that it is time to pack up and leave," I heard Sasori grumble through the thin walls. A few moments later, Deidara was knocking on my door. He stepped in, raising an eyebrow at my already packed bags.

"I have ears, I can hear," I said, "Tell your precious Danna that I've been ready to leave since Pein issued the order."

Deidara shrugged and turned around, stalking away.

Whatever. Sasori only cares when he has something to gain from it.

We left shortly after, treading through the dead trees toward Konoha.

I envied Sakana. She was in Konoha, she was probably chummy with Tsunade and everyone else already. All the good things always happened to the MCs.

The woods stretched for miles, the rain began seeping into my shoes, and my back was sore from the shitty bed and lack of sleep, but we kept walking. Eventually, Sasori sent Deidara up to scout above the treeline, leaving the two of us alone for the first time since our spat.

I fell behind him, fixing my eyes to the ground. I didn't want to fight more, and if that meant not speaking to the puppeteer, then so be it.

He had other plans. "It is childish that you refuse to speak to me," he said, stopping in his tracks.

I nearly ran into him, stopping a few inches short.

"We are not children, Kira. I refuse to play this ridiculous game anymore."

"What's ridiculous is that you'll never understand the root of the problem, Sasori," I replied icily.

"If you don't tell me what the problem is, how can I understand?"

I sighed and buried my face in my hands. "I can't do it anymore."

"What?" He asked, "What can you not do?"

"I can't keep fucking loving you!" I shouted, hurling my bag at him. "You'll never love me back, so-"

Sasori was suddenly kissing me, silencing my angry outburst. I wanted to kiss him back but-

I shoved him away. "You think that makes it all okay?"

He looked wounded for a second but collected himself quickly.

"You just kiss me and all of the anger is gone?" I spat, venom lacing my voice.

"If I didn't care for you, would I have administered the antidote to the poison you were struck with? Would I have nursed you back to health?"

"If you're obligated to by order of your boss!" I disputed. "How could you love me when you're just a heart? You don't have room for me."

I felt a tear fall down my face and Sasori stepped toward me, embracing me in a hug.

"Sasori," My voice broke and I buried my face into his shoulder.

"I care," he murmured into my hair. "Now can we please continue? I fear Deidara may find this display quite amusing."

A laugh bubbled up from my throat, and I hugged him closer for a second.

Sasori pulled back for a second and blinked at me. "I'm not incapable of love, I'm averse to it."

I sniffed and chuckled, backing away. "Thanks for the reassurance."

He ruffled my hair, "I'd have killed you long ago if I didn't find your company beneficial."

"You're doing that thing again," I informed him, "where you mask your feelings with big words."

"Fine," Sasori grumbled, "I like you, and I like having you around. Does that make you happy?"

"No, but we'll get there," I jested, turning on my heel to continue down the forest path.

When Deidara returned from his expedition, he had a relieved look on his face. "Oh thank god," he breathed as he hopped down from his clay carrier bird. "I probably would have committed suicide if I had to bear through another day of that tension."

'You'd do it for a lot less,' I thought but didn't say anything as Sasori shot him a 'shut up' glare.

"Okay fine, just saying," the blonde grumbled as he helped the two of us onto his clay creation. "We're clear through to the land of Fire, but after that, we might have to go by foot." He finally informed us as we ascended above the cloud cover. I sat down next to Sasori, who was studying a map in silence.

"I'm just glad to not have to walk anymore," I grumbled. I was tired and sore, and still rather cranky.

"I could have carried you," Sasori mumbled quietly. I shrugged, leaning into his side. To be honest, I felt better after our small argument, and I was glad to have clarity of our not-quite 'relationship', though not much more than I had before.

'Small steps, Kira. He'll open up as you open up.' I could almost hear Suki's voice.

I frowned, suddenly missing her a lot more. I hoped I'd get to see her when we stormed Konoha. Or at least shortly afterward...

Zena

Zetsu, Tobi and I were already in the land of Fire, by my estimation. We had journeyed east after the Uchiha and I met up with Zetsu, and the three- well, four if you counted each half of Zetsu- of us were destined for the small base southwest of Konoha.

There we'd meet up with the other four squads and prepare for the infiltration. Or so I'd overheard from Tobi and Zetsu's conversation with Pein.

Konoha had taken Sakana (and Hidan's head) and the retrieval of them was dire.

We eventually reached the secret base, a rather expansive cave system hidden beneath a merchant village that Akatsuki held considerable sway over. The villagers cowered in our presence as we passed through, keeping their gaze averted and their conversation low.

I stopped to buy groceries from an old woman who all but gave them to me, eyes constantly flickering over my shoulder at my companions. I tried to offer her a reassuring smile and a large tip, but she shakily refused. I dropped the yen in her tip jar anyways, bowing in thanks to her hard work.

We finally entered the base, through a secret door in a tree. The main room was cold and damp and smelled of mold, but it was quickly covered by the smell of cooking vegetables. It was an open space with a few chairs and a sofa situated on one side of the room and a kitchen set up on the other side. Nestled into the corner was a table large enough to fit six of the Akatsuki at a time. There was an open door to the rest of the base, through the tunnels that snaked underneath the village and probably had numerous other exits.

Tobi and Zetsu set about busting out the room, and after I had prepared lunch, we sat at the now-clean table and ate in relative silence. "Thanks for the food, Zena-chan!" Shiro and Tobi chorused, digging into their meals.

Over the day, Kisame and Itachi appeared, toting a sleeping Suki. Pein and Konan showed up a few hours later, but it was already late and they immediately retired, Pein announcing that we'd wait until Kakuzu, Sasori, Deidara, and Kira turned up to discuss the next step.

I was in the kitchen, cooking for everyone. The journey home was long and exhausting, and a hot meal would set the weary travelers right for a good night's rest.

"Zena!" Suki suddenly tackled me, now awake from her previous nap.

"Suki," I responded, now on the ground from her previous tackle.

"Did you hear that Sakana got to go to Konoha? Unfair," She cried into my hair.

"Sakana was kidnapped by Konoha, Suki," I explained, "I bet she's trying to sacrifice some of those bastards right now."

Suki sat up, "You got dark while we were apart."

I shrugged. Maybe I did spend too much time talking with Zetsu, but it didn't matter. "Konoha isn't perfect," I stated.

"Agreed," Itachi replied, standing up to wash out his dishes. He held his empty bowl and cup in his hands gently, red eyes lighting up in amusement.

"See? Sakana's probably threatened to kill at least three people by now," I told Suki.

"Probably more than that," She giggled.

"I'd say seven, minimum." Kisame rasped. He was still sitting at the small table in the corner, toying with the bowl and chopsticks in front of him.

"Who wants to place bets?" Came Kakuzu's voice. He entered the kitchen a second later, leading Hidan's headless body by a rope tied to his wrist.

"Of course you want to take bets right now," Kisame barked out a laugh.

Hidan's body ran into the wall a few times, and at first, it was funny until he slipped and landed on the countertop, across a few dishes of food I had already finished cooking.

Suki squawked and jumped backward. "Ew!"

"Kakuzu-san," I started, already throwing out the food.

"Yeah, yeah," Kakuzu grumbled, retreating to deposit Hidan somewhere.

I wiped my hands clean and washed my dishes, patting Suki on the head and bidding the trio good night.

One of the less fortunate things about this base was that the actual bedrooms were fewer, and as such, I was confined to sharing a room with Zetsu.

He was in the room, sweeping the cobwebs out of the corners of the room.

The two twin beds were made and there was a small pile of dirt in the corner. I sat down on one of the beds and watched him diligently battle the spider nest.

"Zetsu-san," I started, "will we get to go back to the main base?"

He made a face. "Probably, but not any time soon. And it definitely won't be the same as before."

"Konoha's going to comb through the base for a while." I concluded, "But they won't find anything because all of Akatsuki's records aren't in physical form. At least none that Konoha can reach."

Zetsu nodded. "Pein-san has the records."

Since Pein was pretty much a God, there would be no way they could get it. Pretty smart for an organization made up of a bunch of dumbasses.

I rolled onto my side, shifting into the worn mattress. "Goodnight, Zetsu."

Sakana

The next day I woke up, my ribs sore. "Fuckin' jerk," I grumbled, sitting up with a wince.

I counted the hours slowly, praying out loud. By my 356th time reciting the Lord's Prayer, my door swung open and Ibiki growled at me to shut up.

"It keeps the hunger at bay," I complained, accepting his outstretched hand.

"I might sew your mouth shut," he retorted. He was like Kakuzu.

Speaking of, I was starting to miss my ragtag group of criminals. At the very least, I missed the entertainment.

As it turns out, starting at a stone wall for countless hours was actually terrible. Who knew?

Ibiki led me into the interrogation chamber again, but this one was different.

"Oh no," I groaned, stopping in the doorway.

Inochi Yamanaka and a young Ino were standing above a large machine, a clipboard in the young girl's arms.

"Don't do the fucking mind-probe bullshit!" I shouted. "Morino!"

Ibiki gave me a withering look and I stopped flailing. "Yamanaka-san is here only to tell me whether you're being truthful or not."

Inoichi gave me a perturbed look and shook his head. "If you have Uzumaki blood as you claim, I'll be able to tell Ibiki whether you're lying or not."

Ino's light blue eyes were wide and curious. I bet she was pretty confused that Naruto had living relatives. Wait until she learned about Karin and Nagato.

I shrugged and stepped forward. "Nothing more than that, then," I said with narrowed eyes.

Maybe I was being too trusting of them, but if it meant I got to speak with Tsunade...

The probe was over quickly and Inoichi confirmed that I had indeed been truthful. I rolled my eyes at the intimidating interrogator.

Ibiki wordlessly shackled me and placed chakra seals along my arms and legs, much to my chagrin. I complied and let him lead me from the building into the streets of Konoha.

I finally got a chance to meet the legendary Slug Princess, the Godaime Hokage herself, Tsunade Senju.

Akatsuki Hideout

Zena wasn't the first awake, but she was up early. She prepared breakfast while the others slept, and gradually they awoke and gravitated toward the smell of her cooking.

Suki wandered in, bleary-eyed and hungry. A blob of red caught her eye and her perked up.

Sasori was perched on the couch, sketching something on the paper in his lap. "Sasori!" Suki cried, running at the poor puppet man.

The victim of her affection didn't have time to brace himself before he was captured in her hug. "Suki," he deadpanned.

As quickly as she had accosted him, she was off, racing through the hallway with one destination in mind.

Somewhere in one of the 7 bedrooms, her twin slept soundly, comfortably encased in her blanket.

That restful sleep was ultimately demolished as the blond bombshell dashed into the room and jumped on the sleeping redhead.

"Kira!" Suki screeched, shaking her twin awake.

"Hello," Kira replied groggily.

Suki wrapped her arms around the tired girl, sobbing. "I'm so glad Konoha didn't nab you," she wailed.

Kira patted her twin's head soothingly.

"I mean it would be so unfair if you got to go with Sakana!" She continued with a sob.

Kira's hand froze. "I deserve it more than you," she replied.

Suki pulled back, "no way."

As the two began their quarrel, Zena joined them in the room, jumping into the pile of limbs.

"Good morning, Kira!" She cheered, immediately removing herself from the situation. "I just wanted to be a part of the love."

Suki nodded sagely, understanding the deep-seated need for affection. Especially with all these hot ninjas around.

Kira grumbled something and drug herself out from under her sister.

The trio wandered back into the kitchen, with Suki passing Deidara and giving him a friendly tackle-hug as well. Kira made herself a cup of coffee and sat on the ground next to Sasori. As she nestled herself comfortably into his leg, he folded up the paper and tucked it into his cloak. He opened up the book he was using to support his drawing and began reading, his right hand settling on top of Kira's head.

He stroked her hair and she leaned into it, sipping the steaming mug of hot coffee.

Suki and Zena exchanged a look from the couch but didn't speak up in fear of either redhead's wrath. Later, they mentally agreed, they'd corner Deidara and demand the details.

Their planning was cut short by Konan's entrance into the main room.

"Meeting room," Konan said, turning on her heel and retreating back to Pein's side.

The men followed her, leaving Kira, Zena, and Suki in the living area by themselves.

"We leave in an hour, we will send Itachi and Kakuzu to the main gates to request a presence with the Hokage. Should that fail, each team will individually infiltrate the village, and head for Hokage tower."

"As far as Zena, Kira, and Suki go, they will be traveling with Konan southbound, to our base in Whirlpool."

Outside of the door, Suki's ears perked up. The Land of Waves? This should be interesting.

She scampered back to Kira and Zena to tell them the news.

Moments later, the meeting adjourned and Konan reentered the living room... Er, cave.

She gave the three girls a coy look and draped herself across the chair. "You heard Pein, go get your things."

Back to Sakana... Again!

Konoha was awesome, but the terrified looks I kept receiving weren't. The villagers of Konoha didn't even bother lowering their voices as they gossiped about the strange criminal Ibiki was parading through the streets.

"I wonder what she did,"

"I heard she's with Akatsuki."

"Trash,"

"Scum,"

"Murderer,"

I closed my eyes and tried to drown them out. In the corner of my eye, I spotted a flash of pink.

"Say, Morino," I drawled, "Is that Haruno Sakura?"

"Quiet," Ibiki growled.

"She'll be an Uchiha one day," I said, winking at my captor.

"Yeah, assuming that we don't publicly execute that treacherous little shit," came his gruff reply.

"C'mon, you think Naruto would actually let that happen?"

Ibiki didn't dignify me with a response and the conversation died.

The rest of the walk to the giant tower in the center of town was quiet. Well, almost.

There were still those damn gossipy villagers.

I shot one a glare as I passed, quieting the young woman.

Soon we reached the Hokage's tower, Ibiki leading me through the halls like a leashed dog. At least I wasn't muzzled.

In a dim room, Ibiki tied me to the table and receded into one of the darkened corners of the room, his head and upper half of his torso shrouded in shadow. The other three corners were also occupied by hidden ninja. The Hokage's guards, no doubt.

After a few moments of absolute silence, the Hokage stepped forward from the darkness and cautiously sat in the chair across from me. She was wearing her usual green robe, her hair parted into her signature twin blond ponytails. It was without a doubt, Tsunade Senju.

"So you're the Akatsuki girl," She said, steepling her hands under her chin as Pein does. Her light brown eyes were assessing me.

I thought a moment about how to reply, "And you're the famous Tsunade."

Suddenly, Kakashi was in the room, a box covered with seals in his hands.

"I have something of yours," She said, taking the box from the white-haired nin. "I could hardly bear to look at him."

"What with all the blood, and your low tolerance for it," I added.

She gave me a look.

"I know everything about every single one of you. Might sound dangerous in the hands of the Akatsuki, but their goal is world peace-" Tsunade opened her mouth to cut me off but I continued, "I do not agree with their methods, and in fact, they're being manipulated away from their true goal. I'm not at liberty to reveal any additional information, but I assure you that my intentions are to save the Akatsuki from obliteration at the hands of Naruto Uzumaki and the Hidden Leaf."

"Why?" Was her curt response.

"Because," I sighed, "I'm on a mission from God."

Tsunade was silent for a moment. With a flick of her wrist, Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke. What a cool guy, I thought as Tsunade began unsealing the box.

"Don't," I warned her. "It's better if you just keep those on there."

"I want answers," Tsunade said. "Tell me what I want to know and you walk out of here with... This." She prodded the box.

"I can't give you information about Akatsuki."

Tsunade squared her shoulders and made a sign with her hand. The ninjas hiding in the corners of the room were now gone, leaving us completely alone.

If it was knowledge she wanted, then I'd tell her almost anything she wanted to know.