Chapter Eighteen
Jonouchi had left work for the day and was on his way home. While he liked the safety of working uptown, it was annoying having to take the long trip through the metro to get back home. Fortunately, it wasn't even sunset yet. Then again, if it was, Jonouchi would just use the Kaiba Hotel for the night. Thankfully, he no longer had to really worry about where he was going to rest his head for the night.
As he walked by the Kaiba Corporation building, he wondered if Kaiba was still inside. Probably. He didn't seem to leave work until it was well past dark. Jonouchi wanted to see him, but he didn't want to be a pest. Running into him in the office building might not be bad, though. They could talk before Jonouchi went home.
He'd been a little downtrodden since he hooked up with Kitamura again. Most of it was because Jonouchi had deceived Kaiba entirely, and already knew he'd never tell him. Aside from that, he wanted to question Kaiba about Mai somehow. He wanted to know if they were dating or not, if only for his own closure.
Jonouchi walked into the building lobby. There weren't nearly as many people bustling around as usual, probably because it was getting late. He idly strolled around the big entry room, occasionally glancing toward the elevator that led to the CEO's office. He was probably wasting his time. He shouldn't wait for longer than ten minutes. If Kaiba didn't come downstairs by then, Jonouchi would just head home. He had to get back before it was too dark, anyways...
Ten minutes later, Jonouchi resolved to wait another five minutes, even though it was getting a bit dark outside and the lobby was getting progressively emptier.
After that five minutes, Jonouchi figured it wouldn't hurt to wait another ten. He could stay at the hotel. It wouldn't be a problem.
Jonouchi continued in much the same fashion until a full hour had passed. The lights in the building were off, and the night security were watching him intently. Jonouchi could tell, in spite of their sunglasses. Their heads were always facing him as he paced around the lobby. He was just shocked that they hadn't kicked him out yet. Had they called it in? Maybe Kaiba had told them not to bother him.
He eventually got tired and sat in a chair in the lobby to wait. Kaiba would probably be downstairs soon, and he could figure out what to do after that. If Kaiba wasn't busy, then hopefully Jonouchi could stay the night. He didn't even know if he wanted to fool around. He couldn't wrap his mind around it right now. But he did want Kaiba's company, and badly. Kaiba was stable and full of sense for the most part, and Jonouchi needed that.
Kaiba came down right when it got dark outside, nearly missing Jonouchi when he came out of the elevator. Immediately, he looked at Jonouchi, appearing confused but not surprised to see him. He walked over and stood in front of Jonouchi, holding his briefcase in his right hand before speaking.
"What are you doing here? It's almost eight, you know."
"Yeah I know," Jonouchi felt slightly unsure of himself all of a sudden. He'd waited an hour for the specific purpose of seeing Kaiba, and he couldn't really get around that. "I just thought I'd say hi..."
Well, that wasn't even close to the truth. A person didn't wait for an hour with nothing to do simply because they wanted to say hi to a friend. Jonouchi sighed, rubbing his eyes before standing.
"Actually," he muttered, "I wanted to see you. So I waited."
"See me for what?" asked Kaiba, raising a single brow in question, "Most people don't wait so long into the night just for a look at me. Even if I think I'm worth the wait," he joked, snorting and crossing his arms before continuing, "Was that why you've been here for so long?"
"Shut up," Jonouchi averted his eyes, feeling embarrassed, "I was hoping to spend some time with you if you aren't busy. If you are, it's fine. I just wondered."
He didn't even know what he was doing there anymore. It wasn't like he could talk to Kaiba about what was going on, and he wasn't sure fooling around would even be on the agenda. Not that Jonouchi didn't want to. He'd always want to. But he didn't know if he should, and he didn't know if Kaiba wanted to.
"It's too late now to turn you away," Kaiba answered, rolling his eyes, "Just don't drink all my alcohol and end up barfing in my bathroom the next day this time."
They left the lobby together, Kaiba leading, walking quickly towards the indoor parking garage. He always walked fast, but not fast enough to leave Jonouchi behind.
Jonouchi didn't comment on Kaiba's mention of what happened last time he visited. He wasn't planning to drink himself stupid again, lest he cause another crisis. He hadn't had any more dreams lately, at least not in the nightmare genre. He'd had the problem with hearing his name shouted as he was falling asleep, eventually realizing that it was Kaiba's voice in his head. It was very disorienting, but there wasn't much he could do about it.
He kept pace with Kaiba and got into the car with him, not sure what he should say. Or if he should say anything. Jonouchi didn't even know what he should mention. As of late, Kitamura had been the only thing on his mind, and Jonouchi had actively avoided seeing or thinking about Kaiba for a while. That was, until the avoiding drove him crazy and he felt the need to see him. He couldn't really explain why. He couldn't spill his guts to him or get any kind of closure.
"The job at the theme park is nice," Jonouchi stated hesitantly, "I mean, cashier isn't exciting or anything, but watching the kids run around the park is fun, and the work is pretty easy for the pay."
"You get discounted park tickets too," Kaiba answered as he worked on pulling out of his executive parking space, "Not that you needed help with that in the first place. I'm sure Mokuba would take you back if you were interested in going again.
"When he's no longer grounded, that is."
"Of course," Jonouchi chuckled, "I can't imagine he's happy about being confined to the house for another month. I'd feel bad for him if I didn't know what a brat he is."
Relaxing, Jonouchi watched out the passenger-side window as Kaiba drove. Sometimes he drove so ridiculously fast and Jonouchi honestly didn't understand how he hadn't managed to get pulled over yet. It wasn't just a few kilometers over; he was speeding by at least ten. Jonouchi didn't complain, since he was getting the ride for free, but still. He knew Kaiba was a genius and all, but his driving was a little scary sometimes. At least there weren't many cars on the road at night.
"He did it to himself."
Kaiba didn't appear to feel bad for Mokuba. The kid deserved what he got, Jonouchi reasoned. Maybe Kaiba wanted him to finish out his punishment like a man. Maybe he was still pissed over what happened.
Kaiba drove quickly to the Kaiba Mansion, cutting through traffic and making a general spectacle of himself before he reached the suburbs. Once they'd arrived, he got out of the car and grabbed his metal briefcase from the backseat, unlocking the door and waltzing right into the house. Kaiba immediately headed up the stairs to his bedroom.
Jonouchi followed after a tad timidly. He really hoped he wasn't being a bother. If he was, Kaiba didn't appear like he was going to say so. Jonouchi was a little surprised that Kaiba went straight to the bedroom, considering all the times before when Kaiba just locked himself in his study whenever they were both home. Maybe he was putting off work. It made Jonouchi feel bad. It was probably inspired by the fact that Jonouchi hadn't exactly had a good day after Kaiba blew him off the last time he was over. That wasn't really Kaiba's fault, though, and Jonouchi had no delusions to the contrary.
"Since we're hanging out, I guess," Jonouchi started before pausing, sitting on Kaiba's bed while waiting for Kaiba to reappear. He didn't know what to do with himself. If it was just a couple of weeks back, he'd probably be trying his best to get Kaiba to be sexual with him again. Now though, Jonouchi just felt strangely anxious about it. He blamed the damn dreams he'd had. Those had messed him up pretty good. "What do you do in here for fun?"
Kaiba snorted, leaving the door open as he worked on taking off his business clothes. For once, he was wearing actual business attire, something similar to the designer suit Jonouchi saw him in during the party. It was better than the silly BEWD-inspired suit Jonouchi had first seen him in during the Grand Prix competition some years ago.
Kaiba was taking off his tie before unbuttoning his shirt and dumping it into the hamper, then working on the white undershirt. He slipped off his KC belt, and then took off the black pants he was wearing and the matching socks, throwing them into the heap too, and standing there nearly nude and looking at the clothes he had folded on the shelves in front of him, he just grabbed some sweats before putting them on and going into the bathroom.
Jonouchi had watched Kaiba going about his ritual with rapt attention. Now he was starting to feel the itch. He tapped his fingers against the bed, wondering if he should ask for attention outright or just try being forward. Whichever he chose, he'd have to do it after Kaiba was out of the bathroom. It was doubtful that he'd want Jonouchi trying to get on his dick while he was brushing his teeth.
He sat quietly at the edge of the bed while he waited for Kaiba to emerge. When he emerged, Jonouchi looked up at him. He realized suddenly that he didn't defiantly meet Kaiba's eyes anymore, the way he had in the past to prove he wasn't intimidated. He didn't know if it was because he was more relaxed, or because his fucking ridiculous crush was making him shy.
When he did stare Kaiba in the eye, especially for a long period of time, it was usually while he was working up the nerve to mention something. He was sure Kaiba must have noticed by now, genius that he was, so Jonouchi didn't feel the need to save face.
"If you don't have anything else on your agenda," he began, "I know something we could do for fun."
"Yeah?" asked Kaiba, cocking a brow for the second time that night, "What do you have in mind?"
Jonouchi smiled, "Why don't you come over here and see how much I can entertain you?"
Kaiba seemed interested, thankfully. Jonouchi probably would have felt rejected otherwise. He shouldn't, but he would. He was just grateful that his behavior the last time hadn't completely put Kaiba off. It also might be an indication that there wasn't anything going on between him and Mai, but Jonouchi refused to think about that right now. He was busy, and didn't want to lose the mood.
Kaiba smirked before taking his side of the bed, lounging next to Jonouchi and looking him in the eyes. He didn't seem like he was going to do anything to instigate. Jonouchi already had a plan in his head over what he wanted to do. Kaiba just seemed like he just watching, daring him to do it.
Jonouchi took this opportunity to lead and didn't hesitate to straddle Kaiba's hips, grinning down at him when he was properly seated. He braced his hands against the bed and leaned down, choosing not to go straight for his lips. He worked his way up starting from the nape of his neck, nipping at the more sensitive skin on the way to make Kaiba shift a little. When he did reach his face, he kissed him a bit slowly. He couldn't explain his hesitation...
It wasn't important, anyway. When he made lip contact with Kaiba, he could already feel his body tingling, especially when he felt a hand resting on his hip and another working its way into his hair. He liked the way Kaiba touched his hair, like he was massaging his scalp. It was affection that Jonouchi didn't particularly expect, but he appreciated it more than he would probably ever admit.
Breaking the kiss for a few seconds to breathe, Jonouchi took the opportunity to grind. He could feel heat building up between their bodies, much more obviously in Kaiba's case. He was wearing sweats, far different from his usual leather pants that were more constricting. Jonouchi noticed his erection growing, and the feeling of it rubbing against him as he rolled his hips made him shudder in anticipation. It was only a little stimulation compared to naked contact, but he supposed that would come later.
He engaged Kaiba in another kiss, this one more heated. Then he started working his way downward, over Kaiba's neck and collarbones. When he got to his chest, he ran his thumbs over Kaiba's nipples. They were flat, and the only way to tell he was touching them without looking was the different feeling under the pads of his fingers.
He continued to work his way down the middle of Kaiba's chest, leaving light kisses and teasing with his tongue a little. He could tell it was tickling him by the way he moved, but Kaiba was restraining any verbal responses. Jonouchi snorted a little bit. He was probably too embarrassed to be loud about it. A clear contrast to Jonouchi, who enjoyed making a ruckus. It was fun that way, he felt.
Eventually he reached Kaiba's navel, and he teased it with his tongue as his fingers hooked under the waistband of his pants. He'd never tried giving Kaiba a blow job before, and he wasn't sure if he would be allowed. That might be pushing Kaiba's boundaries. Still, Jonouchi figured he'd stop him if he didn't want it to happen. Jonouchi certainly wanted it to happen.
He pulled Kaiba's pants down his hips until his erection was free, and he grasped the base while he took a few breaths. He didn't want to have to stop because he was out of breath right at the beginning. As he started trying to get his mouth around the tip, though, he felt Kaiba pushing his head away, and looked up at him questioningly.
"Do you not want me to?" Jonouchi asked, hoping he hadn't spoiled the mood. "I promise I'm not awful at this."
Kaiba didn't look so sure about it. His face was dark pink and he appeared a little anxious and aroused all at once.
"If this is what you want to do, I won't stop you," he answered, sitting up a little, "But only if this is what you want to do."
"Of course this is what I want to do," Jonouchi gave Kaiba an amused look as he very slowly stroked, "I did offer. And I'm not going to require you do it back. Just lay down and relax."
Kaiba wasn't expectant of oral sex, which was probably why Jonouchi was so comfortable just getting down and giving it to him. He didn't even know how he'd react if Kaiba had asked for it. He supposed it would depend on whether it was an actual request, or a demand. Kitamura always seemed to demand things, and although Jonouchi found the prospect of said activities arousing, he wanted it to be his own idea. Something he felt like doing because it was fun for him. Not as some sexual service for somebody else...
Jonouchi decided to tease and licked hard, watching Kaiba's face as he did so. His reaction almost made him laugh. Not because he looked funny, but because it was funny to be able to get that reaction from him. Jonouchi closed his eyes and wrapped his lips around, sucking gently at first. Kaiba's musk was right up close now, and Jonouchi was able to identify his scent very clearly. It didn't put him off; on the contrary, it was quite stimulating. The smell of sexual arousal certainly didn't bother him, especially knowing whose scent it was.
Then he began bobbing his head very slowly, only taking an inch or so at first. It was his plan to start gently, if only because it would get Kaiba more excited without getting him too close to orgasm. Hopefully. Kaiba seemed pretty into what they were doing, which was exciting. Jonouchi sincerely doubted he got this on a regular basis. Probably never had gotten oral before period, if Kaiba wasn't lying about his past sexual experiences.
Jonouchi could feel fingers in his hair, both of Kaiba's hands resting on his head; not pushing him or holding him, just kneading the locks. Jonouchi was glad for the contact. It wouldn't feel very personal without the touch. He looked up at Kaiba again as he took in more, picking up speed. His eyes were glazed over a little, like he was dazed, but Jonouchi realized after further observation that they were just darkened. His pupils were dilated, his eyelashes curving low in front of his eyes because the lids were only half-open.
He heard an actual moan when he sucked harder, Jonouchi deciding to use his teeth a little. The fingers in his hair tugged a little, but not unpleasantly so. He doubted Kaiba realized he was doing it. His breath sounded short, and he kept arching his back instead of thrusting upward. Jonouchi wasn't going to complain about that. He didn't want to end up gagging from being unable to breath.
Kaiba only became more vocal when Jonouchi pushed down all the way, relaxing his throat so he wouldn't end up coughing. Humming, he felt the vibrations in his mouth and knew Kaiba probably did, too. Then Jonouchi had to pull up for air. He felt a little water collecting in his eyes, but he wasn't gagging or coughing.
When his breathing was level again, he continued, sucking and pressing his tongue until Kaiba shuddered. Jonouchi tasted salt on his tongue. It didn't bother him as much as he thought it might. It tasted like Kaiba's musk. He could deal with that. It certainly didn't deter him from continuing, sucking when he pulled up and enjoying the way it made Kaiba sigh and hold in his breath. Jonouchi wondered how long Kaiba would be able to hold out, but he chose not to test it. He wasn't in the mood to taste any ejaculate, for one thing, and for another... well, he still wanted to get off, too.
He inhaled deeply when he sat up, and then started panting as he wiped his mouth. He didn't realize how much he'd pushed himself. He couldn't breathe much while he had cock in his mouth, even through his nose, but he'd been too preoccupied to really notice. Now his head felt a little funny, but he wasn't dizzy or anything, so he assumed he was probably fine.
Jonouchi pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it before working out of his pants and underwear. Honestly, it seemed like the tight clothing was easy enough to get off anytime except when he was trying to fool around with Kaiba. It was probably just his urgency making him impatient.
When he'd stripped off his clothing, he looked back at Kaiba, who was watching him intently. Jonouchi couldn't help smiling over it.
"Enjoying the show?" He teased, crawling back into his straddling position. It felt so much better without the clothing.
"No more than you did while I was getting undressed," snickered Kaiba, putting his hands on Jonouchi's slim hips and lightly touching the skin with his fingertips, "I saw you watching me."
"I couldn't help it," Jonouchi snorted, "I'm sure you're not upset. It's the reason I'm doing this right now. I didn't think I'd want to do this, when I was waiting for you at the office, but I guess I was wrong. Your body just does things for me."
He started pulling at Kaiba's sweatpants. They were barely on anymore as it was, and they'd only be restricting. Jonouchi wasn't sure whether he was going to lead, or Kaiba was going to get him on his back again. He could never really tell before they actually got started. Kaiba seemed ultimately unmotivated each time until the point that he actually took action.
Kaiba lifted himself to kiss Jonouchi, and as they moved against each other, Jonouchi could feel their groins meeting.
He eased him onto his back, settling between his legs again and kissing his neck before sucking on his earlobes. It made Jonouchi shudder a little, and slowly but firmly rocking into him, Kaiba began trying to please him, putting a hand between them as he worked on jerking Jonouchi off. Kaiba appeared focused on getting him stiffer, working Jonouchi to the point that he was openly moaning.
He was out of breath and barely able to think. Kaiba was putting so much effort into touching him, and stimulating him so much that it was driving him insane. He was shuddering almost to the point of being unable to keep grinding. He felt a strange swelling in his chest, and in combination with the tightening in his groin, he was completely overwhelmed.
Pressing his hands firmly against Kaiba's chest, he waited for him to stop before pulling back. Blinking, Kaiba appeared confused and a little concerned, but Jonouchi didn't say anything. His actions made his intentions obvious enough when he rolled over, laying on his stomach before pulling at his hair without thinking. There wasn't a much more blatant way of offering himself up than that, so he knew Kaiba must understand.
"Kaiba," Joncouhi said, working hard internally to not sound too desperate. His voice still sounded very pleading to his ears. "I have lube in my pants' pocket. We should just do it already."
Looking at Jonouchi, Kaiba appeared very tempted, but he shook his head. "I'm not going to do that," he said, his voice appearing to be gentle as he rejected the offer and just rubbed Jonouchi's back instead, "You know I don't want to. Come on."
Jonouchi shoved his face into the pillow beneath him, clutching it hard in his hands. He couldn't really say anything. No amount of begging would change Kaiba's mind (and even if it did, it would probably be bad in the long run). He felt humiliated, not because he offered himself, but because Kaiba had utterly refused to take that offer. He didn't feel rejected, per se. He felt wrong in some way, and he didn't like the feeling very much.
He ended up lying there quietly, his face still buried in the pillow. He was too embarrassed to turn around and look at Kaiba yet. His arms were shaking, and he felt a weird sensation in his chest like he was about to fall. He sighed when he felt fingers in his hair, combing through it and gently massaging his scalp. He felt horribly silly, in all honesty. Kaiba must think he was crazy at this point. He probably was. Jonouchi was slowly going more and more crazy.
"Are you going to avoid looking at me now?" Questioned Kaiba, lying on his side next to Jonouchi and frowning a little. "We can talk," he offered, "Don't be like this, Jonouchi."
Jonouchi felt bad and turned his head, looking at Kaiba sideways before looking away again. He couldn't meet his eyes for very long. He felt too embarrassed, despite the fact that Kaiba didn't seem upset in any way. Still, he didn't want to put him off, so he sighed and worked up his nerve before turning over. He lay on his back instead, feeling extremely exposed, but he managed to look Kaiba in the face. "I don't want to talk. I just want to get off."
"That isn't what I bargained for," Kaiba spoke gently. "You know how I feel about sex."
"I know," Jonouchi admitted, trying not to sound as disappointed as he felt, "I know how you feel but... this is what I've wanted and I wrecked it," Jonouchi groaned, covering his eyes with his hands, "I shouldn't have tried that. I knew you wouldn't..."
He'd known, but he'd still hoped that maybe Kaiba would change his mind and fuck him anyways. One of these days Kaiba was going to get sick of Jonouchi's shit, he could tell. Not that he didn't have every right. Jonouchi was shocked that the man still spoke to him after the incident they had last time, but still. Jonouchi couldn't fight back the desire.
"Shit," he sighed, tugging at his hair in frustration. How was he even supposed to explain himself at this point? He'd probably just scare Kaiba if he told him anything about it, and that was a situation best avoided at this point.
"Will you at least try explaining to me what's going on?"
Jonouchi peeked at Kaiba through his fingers, wondering if he should say anything. Well, he should, since Kaiba was his friend and deserved an explanation at this point, but he didn't want to.
"I don't really think you'll want to hear it," Jonouchi replied, removing his hands from his face, "There's a lot wrong with me. I'd rather not freak you out with it."
Considering who Jonouchi lost his virginity to and the circumstances surrounding it, Kaiba shouldn't exactly be surprised.
"I'm not going to freak out," Kaiba informed him, "I just want to know what's going on to help fix this. I can't do anything about it if you don't talk."
Jonouchi looked at the bed as he thought about that. He did want to talk. He wanted to, and yet he didn't. He wanted to tell Kaiba what was going on, but he didn't want to deal with negative repercussions. It was cowardly, perhaps, but he was messed up enough without Kaiba hating him. Or deciding to toss him out.
Then again, Kaiba didn't really seem to respond badly to him the last time he'd had to fess up. He'd been scolding, maybe, but not hurtful.
"Kaiba," Jonouchi sighed, "I like you a lot more than I should. You do a lot of things for me. And I can't get pasted it for some reason."
Kaiba laughed before ruffling Jonouchi's hair, "I could have told you that, I already knew that since you stumbled into my room drunk. I don't see how that has to do with what's going on right now."
"It does," Jonouchi argued as he frowned from the laughter. He wasn't sure if Kaiba was just amused, or actually laughing at him. "You don't understand. I have these dreams about you, about having sex with you, and it hurts. I fucking hate it. You fool around with me plenty, but you don't actually want me. I just want you to have sex with me, Kaiba. It doesn't have to be complicated."
"That's unfair," said Kaiba as his face wrinkled up. "You already know how I feel about this."
"You don't act like you want me," Jonouchi accused. "Sometimes I wonder if you do this just because you want a fuck buddy and nothing else. Do you even like me?"
"Yes, I do."
Kaiba suddenly took the initiative for once, moving closer before kissing Jonouchi again, going slowly and trying to get him to warm up to the contact before touching his face and opening his mouth with his lips. He was slow about it, despite their uncomfortable erections. He moved Jonouchi until he was flat on his back again, and spreading his legs apart, he lay between them before rolling his hips against him, groaning into his neck.
Jonouchi didn't want to go to bed upset. And he wasn't upset about what was said to him, even if he felt some shock from it. It wasn't enough to be turned off, just a little surprised and maybe a bit upset. As if Kaiba didn't feel the same, since Jonouchi had finally admited to dreaming about him all the time. Honestly, he was lucky that Kaiba didn't get all weird and kick him out.
There was a lot of heat between them, and the longer they went, the more it became hard to contain themselves until they were just bucking against each other. Jonouchi could feel Kaiba's hair in his fingers, his arms around his neck playing in his hair and Kaiba allowed him that, holding onto his legs and making them wrap around his hips before he started really thrusting against him, no longer waiting after so long being teased. Jonouchi felt his body relax, his eyes closing before he shuddered and released, sighing into Jonouchi's shoulder and kissing him there while finishing off.
Jonouchi arched when he felt his climax hit, his fingernails dragging across Kaiba's back as he sighed from the release of pressure. His legs were probably squeezing him too hard, but Jonouchi didn't hear any complaints. When he released, he felt his breathing returning to him as his hips rocked instinctively. Maybe Kaiba's reaction was all he really needed to get off properly...
Then he lay flat on the bed, hands still resting on Kaiba's back as he caught his breath. When he opened his eyes, he met Kaiba's gaze. Jonouchi felt he must look ridiculous, panting and looking up with his eyes barely open, but he couldn't do anything about it. He felt more than just the sexual release; he felt desired from Kaiba's initiative, and giddy from the strangely affectionate way he went about doing what they did. Even though he felt exposed afterward, and maybe a little awkward, at least Jonouchi was no longer still suffering with the painful feeling of longing that had almost suffocated him before.
He and Kaiba looked at one another. Jonouchi eventually got embarrassed, and he could feel his face heating up because of it. He averted his eyes, not sure what to do. He was still holding Kaiba in place with his arms and legs, unsure if he should let go. He didn't really want to.
Jonouchi was surprised when he felt Kaiba nuzzling his face into his neck. What was he, a cat? He could feel his pointy nose rubbing his earlobe, Kaiba's breath tickling him as he chuckled. Jonouchi made an expression somewhere between embarrassed and bewildered.
"Stop that," Jonouchi demaned. "What's so funny?"
"You like me so much, you don't know what to do with yourself," snorted Kaiba, kissing his neck before pulling away and fixing Jonouchi's hair, "I've never had that sort of effect on someone before."
"Good for you," Jonouchi muttered, "Kinda sucks for me, but I'm glad you're not upset."
"It would be a silly thing to get all worked up about. You can't help it."
Jonouchi made a face. He watched Kaiba get out of bed, walking into the bathroom and taking a towel before returning. He cleaned himself before getting back into bed, handing it over to Jonouchi before turning to look at him. Jonouchi was too tired to shower, and Kaiba must have felt he same way, too. Sleeping in his own cum was something he didn't want to do, considering he wasn't thirteen anymore, so he was glad Kaiba had taken the intiative.
"Thanks," Jonouchi took the towel and wiped up the mess on his stomach and torso. He didn't know which one of them had done it, but he'd managed to get ejaculate all the way up to his nipple line. Gross.
He folded the messy side of the towel in and then dropped it on the floor, too exhausted to do anything else with it. He was trying to ward off the crap that was running through his mind now that the sex was over and he felt more emotional than he wanted to be, but it wasn't really working.
"Kaiba," Jonouchi addressed quietly, lying on his side facing him. There was a question lingering in his mind that he needed answered for his sanity. He needed to reduce the number of things that were driving him insane. "Are you dating anyone now?"
"What would make you think that?" Kaiba chuckled. "I'm not. And if I was, I wouldn't be here with you like this. It wouldn't be right."
"I just wondered," Jonouchi replied, even quieter now. Kaiba's words were making him distinctly unsettled. "There are always rumors, you know... I just wanted to ask you first."
"The press likes to assume every woman I go out in public with is someone I'm dating," he laughed, snorting afterwards, "Which is amusing. I wouldn't be dating a gold digger like Kujaku Mai or any of the rest of them, even if I was interested in a relationship. I don't like people who are looking to get something out of knowing me."
Disappointing as it was to hear that Kaiba wasn't interested in dating at all, Jonouchi felt unduly satisfied knowing he wasn't interested in Mai and ended up moving closer to him without thinking about it. He didn't say anything else, since he didn't want to come off as being too happy about Kaiba's single status. No need to spoil the mood.
He sobered fairly quickly when he thought about what Kaiba had said, though. That it would be wrong to fool around if he was dating someone. Jonouchi's mind immediately wandered to Kitamura, who he was supposed to be dating. He didn't know what to think. Wasn't he cheating? He didn't even really want to date Kitamura, much as he couldn't seem to stop seeing him.
It didn't even feel like dating. More like he was on call to be a boyfriend on the occasion that he was in town. Or more accurately, act as Kitamura's personal prostitute. Jonouchi didn't feel any kind of attachment between them.
Still, Kitamura told him it was still a relationship. Jonouchi felt nothing for him and was hooking up with Kaiba for sex. Hell, he was willing to do shit for Kaiba that he wouldn't even think about doing for Kitamura anymore, even for money. Like oral without a condom. Or voluntarily taking it from behind.
Jonouchi went onto his back, staring up at the ceiling as he thought. He didn't want to contemplate that shit right now. Not right after he'd had such a good time. But it was necessary. He couldn't just keep fooling around with Kaiba. Even if Kitamura wasn't his boyfriend or anything, it was still messed up. Kaiba didn't want to date him. He was a friend, not a potential romantic partner.
And if he was... then Jonouchi would be leading him on. It wasn't like he wouldn't dump Kitamura to go out with Kaiba, but still.
Kaiba was falling asleep. His eyes couldn't stay open, and after a while, his breathing slowed until the man was completely knocked out. He was even snoring little since he was laying on his back and probably couldn't help it. Thankfully it wasn't too loud, or Jonouchi would be obligated to kick him. Jonouchi smiled. He snored very lightly; more like a low purr than an outright obnoxious inhale. Jonouchi could deal with that. He wasn't exactly a light sleeper, most of the time, anyways.
He lay awake with his thoughts, listening to Kaiba sleep, and becoming more frustrated by the second until he finally rolled onto his side and looked at the man beside him.
"Kaiba," he murmured, "Are you awake at all?"
There was no reply, so Jonouchi sighed and continued.
"I'm so stuck. I used to think you were sick in the head as a kid, but I think I've re-defined that," Jonouchi admitted in a hushed voice, a little concerned that Kaiba might wake up and he wouldn't notice. He didn't want him to hear anything that was being said, at least not yet.
"I wasn't completely honest with you about Kitamura. I wasn't just seeing him for money. He asked me to go out with him, so I did. Turns out that I wasn't just selling myself out to my rapist. I've been playing as his boyfriend, too" Jonouchi snorted, immensely grateful that Kaiba wasn't awake. If he knew, he'd probably be mad. At the very least. "I tried to break up with him, so many times. I was at the restaurant with him when you visited with Mai. I was there having dinner with him, and somehow you never even saw me... At the time, I was hoping you wouldn't, but I kind of wish you had. Maybe you would have smacked some sense into me and taken me away from him."
Jonouchi felt like he was getting a headache. He grimaced, rubbing his forehead with one hand. How did he get into this situation? Actually, he wasn't going to answer that. He already knew.
"What am I supposed to do? I don't even like him... And I definitely don't want him the way I want you. Now I can't even stand it when he touches me. But when I'm around him, I can't seem to tell him to piss off, either. It seems simple to do, so why can't I?"
He lay on his back again, looking up into the darkness. How did Kaiba sleep in a room this large? It was creepy as shit. Jonouchi only hoped it wasn't Gozaburo's old room.
"Maybe I really don't have any respect for myself," he mused, surprisingly not very upset about that fact. He probably should have felt motivated to change that. "I don't know. I can't even say I'm confused, because the solution to my problem is really simple. I just can't do it."
He rubbed his eyes, grumbling. He still couldn't believe he was in this situation, most of the time. How could he be dating someone he hated more by the day while he wanted someone else?
"I know it's my fault," Jonouchi continued, rolling onto his side again and watching Kaiba's sleeping face, "But you really have no idea how much I like you. It's not just having a crush or wanting to date. It's more than that, and it really fucking sucks. You probably don't know what it's like being in love with someone who will never feel the same way, so I doubt you'd understand... not that I'll ever tell you this, anyway."
Jonouchi watched Kaiba quietly. He seemed to be having a very restful sleep. His eyes weren't blinking or moving around, his face was relaxed, and his breathing was steady and even. Jonouchi half-wished that he was awake, if only because he would have heard. Still, it was best that he didn't. It wasn't as if he could help. Jonouchi got himself into this mess, and he'd have to get himself out.
"What I will tell you... someday ...is that we can't fool around anymore. It's not because I don't want to, because I do. I can't even describe to you how much I want you all the time. But it isn't right to keep doing this. We have to stop."
He frowned, hoping that this resolution would last. Fucking himself over was one thing, but he couldn't mess with Kaiba like that. He'd definitely be upset if things turned south. Jonouchi wasn't going to be the next person to make him bitter. No, he would be more responsible than that. Maybe he was fucked in the head and selfish, but he could extend the effort not to do that to Kaiba.
He sighed, closing his eyes. He felt drained and tired, the glow of satisfaction from the sex completely faded. It was too bad. For a few moments, he'd actually felt really fantastic. Relieved, even, for the first time in several weeks. But there wasn't much he could do about it. If he didn't make himself think that shit through, he never would.
Moving closer to Kaiba, Jonouchi lifted his arm, trying to cuddle up to him (clumsily, since he was half asleep). He heard Kaiba grumbling, but he let Jonouchi move up to him and wrapped his arm around him in half an embrace. It made Jonouchi feel far more secure, his troubles forgotten for the moment as he enjoyed the contact. At least for now, he could enjoy it and get some sleep.