Hello.
Thank you to my reader Hannah, yes I have been busy. Writing as been put on the back burner lately, and I've been even lazier about updating. I am sorry. Yes, Ambivalence is a finished story but it's SO LONG and I still am working through final edits. It feels like a monstrous project, even though I'm almost done with Part One.
This is a major chapter, so I hope anyone still reading enjoys it.
I've been in school non-stop and working. Spring semester Japanese II kicked my butt and I have Japanese III coming up in two weeks. Please pray for me. I hate learning grammar rules. :p
Thanks again for the support and enjoy.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Jonouchi couldn't stay at his apartment anymore. It was bad enough living with the constant danger of assault and robbery but now, unable to stop contemplating his nightmare, he felt like being there was just asking for trouble. He couldn't move in with Anzu yet, but he'd gotten her permission to crash on the living room couch. She hadn't asked her roommate's opinion since "she was moving out and didn't get to be part of the democracy".
His messages to Honda begging him to go downtown with him and help move his stuff were so urgent that it spurred Honda into action. He got to the metro where they'd agreed to meet ten minutes before Jonouchi showed up, and when they saw each other, Honda looked as if he was concerned although he didn't say anything about it. Which was good, in Jonouchi's opinion. They'd been friends long enough for Honda to know that Jonouchi would start talking if he wanted his business known.
Honda had managed to find a duffel bag in his place that was left over from when he moved in. When they got to Jonouchi's apartment, he hung close to his friend, his muscles tense and his eyes darting around the place.
"Did something happen?" asked Honda from the bedroom. He'd entered first briskly, no fonder of Jonouchi's neighborhood than Jonouchi was himself. When it was evident that there was nothing amiss within the bedroom, Jonouchi followed Honda and started digging through his closet for his clothes.
"What do you mean?" he'd asked.
"You seem tense," Honda replied, "and I'm happy you're leaving this dump, but you've never been that concerned with it before."
Jonouchi shoved his few pairs of ratty jeans and his worn-out t-shirts into the duffel bag before looking for some boxers. After those were tossed in, Jonouchi went to the bathroom and fished for his Duel Disk out from under the sink, along with the new one he'd been awarded during the convention. He'd kept them both boxed, so they'd be more unassuming at first glance and to keep them in good condition instead of being tossed off somewhere in the messy bedroom.
When he went back to the bedroom with them both in hand, Honda looked utterly bewildered. Jonouchi shifted uncomfortably and busied himself with fishing his dueling deck out of its hiding place to avoid Honda's gaze.
"What's that dumb look for?" Jonouchi asked, trying to sound nonchalant.
"Where did that second one come from?" asked Honda, pointing to the new Duel Disk. "And why are you shoving all those clothes into the bag when you've got a bunch of nicer ones hanging in the closet?"
He paused, looking over the clothes hanging there, and then Jonouchi.
"How did you get them to begin with?"
"None of your business, Honda," Jonouchi snapped; he hadn't even thought about how he would explain that. He'd forgotten the little detail that Honda had no idea what he'd been doing the past few months, and of course would be surprised by his new wardrobe. "It doesn't matter. I don't want to bring them along anyways."
"Why not?" Honda pressed, though he didn't ask about where the clothes had come from. For all he knew, they'd been stolen, and that was something best not discussed although Jonouchi hadn't done anything like that in years. "They're nicer, you know..."
"I said I don't want them," complained Jonouchi. "Can you stop asking already?"
Honda looked away, and Jonouchi changed into a set of his old jeans and a shirt before they left the place. He had everything important with him since Honda was carrying his sentimentally-valuable clothes and Jonouchi had the Duel Disks. Now they just had to hope to get out of there without any trouble.
"You never did tell me where you got the second Duel Disk," Honda nudged the box with his elbow. Jonouchi shrugged.
"Mokuba hired me on to do promotional work. I won a duel when I demonstrated the new Duel Disk and got it as a prize," Jonouchi explained. "It wasn't that big a deal."
Honda blinked at him looking utterly confused, and they walked quietly as he processed that.
"When did you start talking to Mokuba again?"
Jonouchi groaned internally. He hadn't really told Honda about anything, had he? The last time they'd seen each other, he'd just crashed on his couch until he stopped being hungover.
"A few months back," Jonouchi began to explain. "We ran into each other by chance at a restaurant and we've been hanging out since then."
"Really? Man, how much have I missed? I know I live in a cave, but shit."
"It's been a little crazy," Jonouchi laughed, "I'll have to catch you up a little more later. Right now, though, I just want to get to Central before we get jumped or some shit."
It had happened to them before. The television Jonouchi owned had belonged to Honda's parents originally, and the day the two of them had carried it to Jonouchi's apartment, some drunk in withdrawal had thought it was a great idea to fight them for it. It didn't end very well for him but Jonouchi didn't feel too bad about it. After all, they did call him an ambulance before running away from the scene.
They got on the metro again and took it to Central Domino. Jonouchi popped Anzu a text message when they were a few blocks away from her place, letting her know they were on their way. By the time she replied they were at her front door. Jonouchi had "knocked" by kicking at the door repeatedly.
"Anzu!" Honda called obnoxiously. It was good to know that he wasn't the only one who still got a kick out of ticking her off. "Come on, lady, we don't got all day!"
"She's probably going to correct your grammar when she gets out here," Jonouchi snickered. Honda grinned at him.
"I hope so."
There was some shuffling behind the door before it busted open, Anzu looking quite irritated while eyeing the both of them. Her face was red and her hair was wet, and wrapped in a robe, she looked at both Honda and Jonouchi's dumb faces before saying anything.
"Are you two serious?" She snapped, eyeing Jonouchi's duffle bag now, "You didn't even bother to call me, I just got done with ballet class and I was taking a shower when you two idiots started slamming on my door... What's going on?"
"What do you mean, "what's going on"? We already talked about me bringing my stuff over this morning, remember?" replied Jonouchi.
"You could have said something about you dropping by like this though," she chided, crossing her arms and frowning, "My roommate changed the lease before I could call you back. She's not leaving, apparently. Her boyfriend dumped her, and she needs a place to stay. Sorry, Jonouchi. I'm sure your other friend could help you out..."
Jonouchi blinked at her but after realizing what she meant, he gave her a warning glare. Maybe she was irritated but he didn't want her to end up making Honda suspicious.
"I can help you," Honda replied, and Jonouchi did a double-take, staring at him. His friend looked thoughtful, his brow creasing.
"What?"
"Yeah, sure," Honda nodded as if he'd come to a conclusion, "I mean, you can't be on the lease yet, but my roommate hasn't even come home in months. I could probably get him kicked off. Even if not, I'll let you crash until you figure something else out."
"I'm really sorry Jonouchi, but I tried texting you several times this morning, and you didn't answer back," continued Anzu, sighing before shaking her head, "It's not like I don't want you around, but... I can't kick my roommate out. She already paid my landlord, and I can't afford to lose this apartment myself."
"I... well..." Jonouchi looked from one person to the other, not sure what to say at first. "As long as I have a place to stay, I guess I'll live."
"You guess you'll live?" Honda snorted, thumping his hand on Jonouchi's back, "You get to live with your best friend! What's better than that?"
Jonouchi laughed. It was true, it was a pretty sweet deal to be able to live with someone he knew he'd get along with. Especially since Honda was a regular guy, and far less... uptightthan Kaiba was. Jonouchi could be as manner less and vulgar as he wished.
"Besides, Thai misses you, I think," Honda added, "He comes to the door every time I get home from work. I think he's waiting for you to come back."
"Who's Thai?" asked Anzu, looking at Honda strangely, "I didn't think you kept pets."
"I wasn't going to, at first," Honda replied, "I didn't want to forget to feed it or something. But Thai kept following me home from work, and he eventually just waltzed right into my place. Now he lives there with me. He feeds himself and doesn't piss in the house, so I don't mind."
"Sounds like you've gotten softer since high school," snickered Anzu, moving to close the door, "I gotta go guys but thanks for understanding. And good luck, Jonouchi."
She winked at him before closing the door.
Jonouchi snorted. He knew she was probably wishing him luck with Kaiba rather than his living situation, but he brushed it off. He didn't need to start acting funny around Honda. Especially since the two of them needed to carry his stuff to Honda's place now.
When they got there, Honda opened the door and Jonouchi heard heavy, rhythmic bounding across the wood floor. Then Thai the cat came into view, rounding the corner from Honda's bedroom and making a beeline for the door. Jonouchi was going to try setting his boxes down to pet him but he ended up nearly dropping them from getting so tired.
Setting the boxes on Honda's roommate's bed, he sighed loudly. Apparently, it was okay for him to use it. Hopefully the roommate wouldn't get pissed if he came home.
"I thought he fed himself," Jonouchi raised an eyebrow, following Honda back to the kitchen. Thai was under Honda's feet and started trotting after his friend, his tail raised high like a flag as he meowed demandingly. Apparently, he was expecting food. Honda cleared his throat as he opened the fridge.
"Well. Sometimes he's hungry when he comes in. I don't want him to starve or anything."
"Then why don't you get him some cat food?" Jonouchi pressed, watching Honda grab some water bottles. Thai was still at his heels and eventually tired of looking up and meowing. He leapt lightly onto the kitchen counter and Honda immediately swiped him off it, glaring down at him.
"Do you have to ask so many questions?" Honda scowled at him, opening a cabinet beside the fridge and pulling out a small can. Thai got extremely excited as he popped the top off and set it on the floor, and he grabbed Honda's hand with his paws as if trying to pull the food to himself faster. Jonouchi gaped at the scene before laughing at his friend's expense. Figured he'd be so soft and try to hide it...
"Don't tell Anzu," Honda muttered, ignoring Jonouchi and walking across the room to his computer desk. Jonouchi rolled his eyes and sat on the couch, glad to rest his feet. He closed his eyes and relaxed, feeling a little giddy knowing that he'd finally have a decent place to live. Somewhere safe, where he could stay with his best friend and his cat that he'd never admit to liking.
He jumped a little when Thai pounced and sat on his chest, washing his face attentively. Jonouchi snorted, resigned to having the cat on him for a while. It wasn't like he was moving. He felt content, certainly more so than he had that morning.
Then he felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and pulled it out. It looked like he'd already missed a couple of messages, probably while he was preoccupied with carrying his luggage across town. It was Kaiba, demanding to know where he was and why he'd left. The most recent message was asking over what Jonouchi's problem was. Jonouchi felt a flash of guilt, knowing he'd essentially ditched Kaiba that afternoon and he brushed Thai off himself, so he could get up to answer.
Walking into the roommate's bedroom and shutting the door, Jonouchi locked it to ensure Honda wouldn't walk in on him. Then he called Kaiba and waited through the ringing for him to pick up.
Kaiba didn't even wait for Jonouchi to greet him before speaking loudly into the receiver.
"Why would you just take off like that without saying what was going on? If you were having a problem, you could have told me, and I would have helped you, I know you get nightmares. You could have talked to me."
"Whoa, hey," Jonouchi was holding the phone away from his ear to guard it against Kaiba's shouting.
"You ignored all my text messages, asshole."
"Not on purpose," Jonouchi sighed, sitting on the bed, "I didn't notice my phone vibrating. I was moving out of my apartment. If I had known you were calling me, I would have answered. You know that."
"... Did you just decide to do that today?"
"I was already planning on it," Jonouchi awkwardly tried to explain, "Remember when I told you I was going to move? I was waiting until I had the money to get on the lease with Anzu, but I changed my mind. I can't live in that ghetto any longer..."
He paused, grumbling a little when he glanced toward the door and saw a paw sticking under it. Thai was trying to get him to let him in. Like that was going to happen.
"Anzu's roommate ended up staying, so I'm living with Honda now. I was busy with all that crap for a while. That's why I missed your messages."
"Oh... I just wish you would have said something much earlier. I'm going to leave my office soon, if you're hungry and want to catch dinner. Mokuba's out with a friend tonight."
"Then you do miss me," Jonouchi teased. He was surprised he had been forgiven so quickly but he wasn't going to argue. "Since I'm the sweet to your sour."
He grinned, feeling light in the chest. Not that Kaiba offering dinner was anything unusual but normally it was because he happened to be eating and Jonouchi happened to be in his presence and Kaiba was being polite. It felt different in this instance. Jonouchi hoped he wasn't imagining it.
"You better get your ass uptown before I change my mind," threatened Kaiba on the other end of the line, "I'm going to take off in another hour. Don't be late."
"Like I'd miss a minute," Jonouchi snorted, "I'll be there."
When the call disconnected, Jonouchi stood and opened the door. Thai was lying down on the other side; he'd had his head pressed against the door, his paw extended under the crack as far as it could go. Thai walked into the room the moment the door was open, probably thinking something special must have happened since the door had been shut. Jonouchi rolled his eyes and walked toward the front door where he'd left his shoes.
"Where are you going?" asked Honda from his computer desk. He sounded as if he was asking just out of habit, since he didn't appear overly interested. Then again, he might just be putting on an act. That was one thing Jonouchi had never learned to distinguish with Honda. He could be good at seeming like he was aloof when he wasn't.
"I'm going out," Jonouchi replied, slipping his feet into the work shoes.
"With your girlfriend?"
Jonouchi paused. Honda had probably figured he was talking to someone special since he'd slipped off into a private room to talk on the phone. Well, shit. It wasn't like he could just tell him on his way out that he was a giant fag.
"Yeah," he lied, "I might not be back tonight."
"I hope not, because if you come back at some stupid hour I'm not getting out of bed to let you in."
"I'm just letting you know," he teased, "I don't want you waiting up all night for me."
"As if you're worth it. Get the fuck out, don't you have a date?"
"Something like that. Try not to miss me too much."
He shut the door quickly after slipping out and heard something smack against the other side. Honda had probably thrown something at the door and missed. Jonouchi laughed triumphantly and bounded down the stairs. If he caught the next train to the city, he'd be there in about twenty minutes. Plenty of time to meet Kaiba.
When he arrived at Kaiba's office, Jonouchi decided to ride up to the actual presidential office suite. No one stopped him on his way, so he figured it must be fine. Kaiba was still at his desk when he walked into the empty room.
"Ready yet?" Jonouchi interrupted, approaching Kaiba's desk and standing in front of it. Jonouchi had his hands in his pockets for the first time in a long time. The thigh-hugging pants Kitamura had bought him didn't allow enough room for his hands to fit. His old pants were far more comfortable. Jonouchi was just lucky that he had a full enough figure that they were passably baggy and not homeless baggy.
"No, I need to finish up this report and then we can go..."
Kaiba was still typing incessantly on the keyboard, his blue eyes focused on the screen in-front of him.
"Are you hungry for anything in particular?" he asked, glancing up just briefly, "You don't look dressed for anywhere but I know some hole in the wall places that serve decent lunches, and I'm sure their dinner menus are just as good if you're at all interested in something casual."
Kaiba was wearing a black suit. It made Jonouchi stand out, standing in front of him in his well-worn clothes.
"My clothes don't look that awful, you snob," Jonouchi sat at the chair in front of Kaiba's desk, deciding he could wait patiently until he was finished. He didn't feel antsy or impatient for once. "I could have dressed better if you wanted to go somewhere nice. Mokuba let me keep the clothes from the party."
They were the only nice clothes Jonouchi owned now. They were definitely the only clothes he had that could be worn in an upscale setting.
"Where are you planning to take me, anyway?"
"There's a pho place near the office. We could walk back after dinner to the parking garage, and it won't be that much of a hassle instead of trying to find street parking in this place..."
That almost never worked. Most people biked, and even for a city of pedestrians, it didn't make driving a car any easier. Everything was always so congested and cramped in the cities, and Kaiba wasn't going to risk having his car towed over a dinner ride.
"I can drop you off home after that if you want."
"What?" Jonouchi averted his eyes, looking at the back of Kaiba's laptop and the glowing KC logo that decorated it, "You don't have to take me back to Honda's place."
He glanced at Kaiba, who had stopped typing for a few short seconds.
"I'd rather go home with you."
"If that's what you want... Just don't wake me up in a fit again anytime soon."
He looked up at Jonouchi before turning off his computer and shutting the screen down. Kaiba still wanted an explanation about what was going on, but that could probably wait until another time. When Jonouchi was relaxed, and he didn't feel so tense about being left right after waking up from surviving his hangover.
"Come on, let's go."
Kaiba got up and left the room, waiting for Jonouchi to follow behind before locking the door. Then he waltzed out towards the elevator, briefcase in hand, and went out into the indoor garage and left his case in the back before locking the Ferrari and going back downstairs before they hit street level and were outside amongst the masses.
It was just getting dark. Seemingly knowing exactly where he wanted to go, Kaiba stalked off toward a little pho shop, taking long strides and evading traffic like an expert while Jonouchi followed him until they were both inside and Kaiba got a booth in the corner.
When Jonouchi sat down, he felt a little anxious. Kaiba still seemed as if he had questions about his nightmare, which made sense since Jonouchi had dashed off immediately afterward. Still, he was reluctant to discuss it. It had fortunately left his mind while he was preoccupied with moving, but now that it had been mentioned, he couldn't shake it off.
"I really am sorry for running off so suddenly," Jonouchi offered, "I couldn't get a handle on myself."
"What was the reason for it?"
A waitress handed them their menus, but Kaiba appeared like he already knew what he was planning on ordering. He didn't even need to glance at it before setting it down, focusing his eyes on Jonouchi, who seemed to be fidgeting in his seat.
"I had a nightmare," he replied, "I didn't feel right afterward. More than that. I felt downright awful. I couldn't handle being around you right after that..."
He sighed, tracing patterns in the wooden table. He could feel Kaiba's eyes on him. It was doubtful that would be changing anytime soon.
"It was about that asshole again," he mumbled, resting his head on his hand while he leaned on his elbow, "I dreamed that I came home, and he was waiting for me in my place. I guess it was just from running into him all day and knowing he was tracking me for a while...I don't know, it was fucked up. I just hated feeling so weak. The thought of being helpless gets to me, especially when it involves him."
Jonouchi glared at the table as he picked at it with his fingernail. He knew Kaiba wasn't going to be upset with him or anything, but he couldn't deal with eye contact while he was discussing such a sore subject. At least they were in a private corner and their conversation wouldn't be overheard.
"It's too hard to explain it. I was a wreck and I didn't want to hang around you while I was like that. And I had to get out of my place."
"Are you all right now?"
"Yeah, I guess so," Jonouchi replied back sheepishly.
"You need to pick something to eat too," Kaiba replied, "Or else we'll be stuck here all night while you sit here deciding..."
"Right," Jonouchi glanced vacantly at the menu, "I'll get the one with onion and pork. Happy?"
He closed his menu and sat quietly for a little while before reassessing Kaiba's question. He didn't like lying but the honest answer just wasn't favorable.
"Actually, I'm not all right," he replied quietly, "I thought I was fine until I ran into him again. Otogi wasn't really helping, either. I was already sore about the whole thing before I had the nightmare. That just ended up being too much, I guess."
"I should have answered the damn door myself..."
Don't blame yourself," Jonouchi met Kaiba's eyes, lifting his head. He didn't want Kaiba getting down about it or some shit, since it was hardly his doing. Otogi was a dick and Kitamura was practically inhuman. "I don't think it would have made that much of a difference. I ran into them earlier in the hotel lobby when I was getting your breakfast."
That wasn't what tore it, though, and he knew it. It was how they'd spoken and acted toward him when they appeared that had snapped a nerve somewhere. But that was their doing, and no one else's.
"I just wish I'd at least left someone a black eye instead of standing there stupefied."
"If you had done that, security would have gotten you in trouble. Better that you didn't make a scene, and I'm sure those two asshats will eventually get what's coming to them. Don't worry about them so much, Jonouchi. They aren't worth the effort."
"I know that," Jonouchi sighed, "But it doesn't help any though."
He didn't even care about Otogi. He was annoying and seemed to be trying very hard to get Jonouchi to sleep with him now that he thought he was "easy", but that was something that could be easily solved. It was being thought about that way that got under Jonouchi's skin; knowing the kinds of shit Kitamura was telling Otogi about him didn't make the memories of what they'd done any better.
"Maybe it would all be easier to handle if the situation didn't make me so angry with myself."
"Shit happens. But you learned from it at least, didn't you? That's all that really matters," he said, watching the waitress appear to take their orders, "That whatever happened in the past stays in the past."
Jonouchi didn't reply until they'd ordered their food and the waitress was gone. He faced Kaiba, not sure how to feel about what he'd said. Sure, he'd "learned" plenty from fucking up with Kitamura, but that didn't make it all right. It didn't make it any easier to get over it, either.
"What if the past keeps haunting you?" he asked, meeting Kaiba's eyes. "What if now I'm fucked up forever? I don't think it was worth learning anything if it's just going to kill me for the rest of my life. I know I needed to learn a lot of shit, at least for myself, but I didn't want it to happen like that."
"Then don't let it happen again. It's as simple as that."
"Is it?" Jonouchi snorted, feeling rather dry. "I guess we'll see. It's not as if I'm planning to go get myself raped again."
As if he was planning to do it in the first place. He still hadn't quite decided how much of a moron he'd been. He was breaking the records in that department, but he hardly expected shit like that to happen to him. Who did? Unless they'd been through it already or had the advantage of being worldlier.
Jonouchi had been left to his own resources. Who was going to teach him gay stranger danger, his friends? That would be an awkward discussion...
"It's such fucking bullshit..." he grumbled, rubbing his eyes, "Most of the time, I'm fine. But I'm going to have a fucking break down if I keep running into that guy. The nightmares are bad enough without having him in my face all the time."
"Well, you won't be seeing him tonight. I can promise you that much."
"I'd hope not," Jonouchi snorted and started chuckling, "That's nice to hear, though."
He rested his chin on his hand and smiled at Kaiba, his eyes sparkling again. Remembering that he was having dinner (and for all intents and purposes, was on a date) with him improved his mood. It didn't fix everything, but Jonouchi could deal as long as he didn't start spiraling into self-pity.
"I'll stop being such a downer. I promise I wasn't planning to whine all night. I was actually really looking forward to this."
"It's just pho."
"I wasn't talking about the noodles, moron," Jonouchi snorted, poking the tip of Kaiba's pointy nose before he could be stopped, "I hope you don't actually think food excites me more than you do."
Kaiba narrowed his eyes and rubbed his nose at being touched, but said nothing. He just snorted and started eating his noodles silently once their bowls arrived, picking at the slices of beef.
"Don't be like that," Jonouchi laughed, amused by Kaiba's response. He picked up his chopsticks and started on his own bowl of noodles. Watching Kaiba eat and attempting to mimic him for the sake of improving his etiquette, Jonouchi tried not to annoy Kaiba with his messy eating habits. Fortunately, he wasn't painfully hungry like he usually was, and didn't feel the familiar, sickening panic of needing to shove food into himself.
"This is good," he noted when he paused between bites. He still couldn't chew as slowly as Kaiba did. How could he? They were noodles, for god's sake. There wasn't all that much chewing to be done. "I've never been here before. How did you find it? It's kind of out of the way."
"I don't bring my lunch to work, so I walk around a lot... Mokuba liked it the time I brought him here, and Isono enjoys it, too."
"I like it, but I like pretty much everything," Jonouchi laughed, "I don't think my opinion counts for as much."
He felt more at a loss for conversation topics than usual. He knew it was because it felt more like a date, one he hadn't even had to instigate, and somehow that made it harder to just speak casually. Kaiba wasn't acting any differently than usual. To the point as always. He was less easily miffed than usual, though. Jonouchi had expected at least a little snapping for poking his nose.
"Did I ever tell you what I'd decided about dueling?" Jonouchi asked, realizing that he didn't really keep Kaiba very up-to-date with his activities. That wasn't very boyfriend-like. Not that he was a boyfriend. Officially. He didn't even know what was going on. It sure as hell felt like dating. "I mean, the last time we talked about it, I was kind of stressed, so I didn't really say much..."
He paused and slurped up some noodles, trying not to splash broth everywhere. He was a little embarrassed at the memory of getting riled up at the hotel, but he didn't blame himself much for it. Kaiba got under his skin with how snobbish he could be. Jonouchi supposed it was the same for Kaiba when he was being 'self-righteous', whether intentionally or not.
"I'm gonna take your advice. I'm still not that confident in my abilities, but I think I could really make something of myself if I tried again. I'm older now, and I like to think I'm better for it. Maybe I can get over the things that held me back before."
"I'm not playing anymore either, so you have that to your advantage. The only competition left is Yugi. And he's not playing for two anymore, either..." said Kaiba.
"That still seems a little high to shoot," Jonouchi mused, "I mean, Yugi's on his own now, but he's always been good. Even when he barely knew how to play Duel Monsters, his talent was on another level. Now he's just unattainable, at least for me. The only person I know is on his level is you. I don't think I could get that good..."
"Jonouchi, you've made him nervous before. You're not giving yourself enough credit," corrected Kaiba as he poured more Hoisin sauce into his noodle bowl. "If you changed up your deck enough and made every single card count, you might stand a chance. Yugi's not some dueling god, and everyone makes mistakes. Just be sure he makes more than you do. It's that simple."
"I do make mistakes a lot," Jonouchi thought aloud, "I always realize it after I've done it. It's so infuriating. Whenever I make a play, I figure out afterward that I could have dropped another spell or flipped a trap to help myself out."
"You need to play like your life depends on it..."
"You've said that before," Jonouchi grinned, remembering the way Kaiba used to talk about gaming. But he couldn't deny that it was true. When he fought Marik, that wasn't a game. That was about life and death, and he'd known it. He hadn't made mistakes. It hadn't helped much, of course, since Marik had the Sun God Ra card, but Jonouchi had proven himself.
Maybe that was what it took to be a professional. Treating the game like a real battle, and not just something to be done purely for the fun of it. Enjoyable, but not 'playing'.
"I'll have to really put in a lot of practice. There are hundreds of new cards now, and half of my deck is either useless or banned."
"That can be fixed," Kaiba said, eating his pho slowly so he didn't ruin his suit, "Mokuba knows the game almost as well as I do, and he could easily build up your deck and help you promote yourself to sponsors if that's what you wanted to do. Hell, you could even use my practice dummy instead of playing on the duel network. It was how I prepared during last Battle City...
"I wouldn't over think it right now, though. It's late."
"There will be time for it later," Jonouchi agreed, finishing off his bowl of pho, "I have other things to think about right now."
He set his chopsticks across his bowl and pushed it aside. He'd have to wait for Kaiba to finish his food before they could leave, but that was fine. It gave him a chance to make eyes at him from across the table and see how long it took him to say anything.
"Like what?"
"Like...you," Jonouchi grinned, watching Kaiba intently, "I thought that would be obvious."
"You're just going to stare at me from across the dinner table then?"
Kaiba continued to eat, giving Jonouchi a strange expression, but not stopping. His bowl wasn't quite done and Jonouchi felt impatient. There was no way he was leaving leftovers though, Jonouchi knew the man appreciated his beef.
"There's a lot to look at," Jonouchi replied, "So why not?"
"Counting my freckles?"
"I can't even see them from here. I'm just enjoying the view and thinking about how much I like being around you."
He was being blatant, but he doubted Kaiba was going to complain. He might ignore him or say something snarky, but it was unlikely that he was going to get angry.
"That's ridiculous," Kaiba replied amusedly.
Finishing his dinner, Kaiba waved for the waitress before paying for the meals.
"Ready to get going? It's late and I still need to finish some stuff at home on my computer..."
"Sure, let's go," Jonouchi stood as Kaiba did and followed him out the door, "But I don't know what I think about you working all night. Don't you want to just hang out?"
Jonouchi told himself he wouldn't get upset if Kaiba chose to work instead. Kaiba had a lot on his plate that needed handling. He couldn't help it if he didn't have time to derp around together.
"I mean, I understand if you're too busy, but if not, I want some of your time tonight."
"I don't know, I've never really 'hung out' before. What exactly does that entail?"
They were walking back towards Kaiba Corporation, and there were still a lot of people on the street, many of which were young and drunk. Guys in suits tripped around girls in high heels on the street, voices loud and rowdy. It was the only time people got loose, while at night.
"Mokuba says it's the ritual done by mostly teenagers," said Kaiba in a faux serious tone, "He didn't tell me young adults of our age did that sort of thing, too."
"What?" Jonouchi laughed out loud. "We hang out all the time, Kaiba. We talk and get drunk together and shit. I'm pretty sure that counts."
He knew Kaiba was being funny, but he played along for the hell of it. It was true that they hadn't been in a casual setting very often, and until recently it had only really ended in sexual contact.
"I was thinking we could spend the night together. If you aren't too busy for me."
"If that's what you want. Just don't be like Mokuba and force me up all night playing video games..."
"No, that wasn't the first thing on my mind," Jonouchi laughed, "I know you aren't into that kind of thing, and I'd rather do something else."
It had been nice the day before being able to just talk, even if they'd had little hissy spats here and there. It was to be expected. It certainly wasn't enough to make Jonouchi stop hanging around.
"I just want to spend time with you. I know it sounds gay, so don't give me that look. That's just the way it is."
Kaiba snorted before unlocking his car door and he got inside, taking the driver's seat. Jonouchi did his best to keep up, anxious as Kaiba pulled out of the parking lot. Instead of speeding down the streets, he seemed to be trying to follow the speed limits. There were a lot of drunks all over and Jonouchi didn't want to be around if Kaiba managed to run one over.
"Thanks for dealing with my shit yesterday while I was hungover," Kaiba was watching the road carefully, but he could clearly hear everything Jonouchi was telling him, "Even if I was being a bitch about it, I appreciated it."
"You weren't that bad," Jonouchi waved his hand dismissively, "I was a pain in the ass that day you had to take care of me. It was kind of funny to see you not charging through your day for once."
They were getting near the outskirts of town, and Jonouchi felt the car speeding up. Now that they were getting into the boonies, the only danger was hitting animals. Most of them were smart enough not to go bounding across the roads. Jonouchi leaned against the door and sighed, closing his eyes. It had been a tiring day, and he'd spent most of it on his feet. Still, he was far from being spent. He'd had far worse days.
When they arrived at Kaiba mansion, they got upstairs quickly. Jonouchi followed Kaiba to his room, and figured the plan was to hang around in there. Probably talking, since they were doing more of that lately, but that was fine. If he could lie down and Kaiba was there. Jonouchi wasn't quite ready to lose his company.
He flopped down on the bed as soon as they got into the room, sighing. The mattress was super soft. He watched Kaiba wandering toward his closet, raising his eyebrows as he removed his shirt on the way. It seemed that he was getting changed, or at least stripped down. Hopefully the latter.
"What's this?" Jonouchi asked, teasing. "Are you trying to entertain me, or just feeling like showing off?"
He rolled onto his stomach to look at Kaiba in the closet. He didn't want to miss a minute.
"Pfft, you wish," replied Kaiba, rolling his eyes as he pulled his belt off, "I'm trying to get ready for bed and you just happen to be in here watching. It doesn't matter to me one way or another if you find it entertaining. I'm not ashamed of being good looking and having an admiring audience doesn't bother me in the least."
"Well, good to know you don't mind," Jonouchi grinned, watching Kaiba strip down to his Calvin Klein's and leave the closet, wandering into the bathroom to brush his teeth. Jonouchi wished he could do the same, but he hadn't thought to bring an overnight bag.
He sat up, watching Kaiba move around. His blue eyes flashed toward his reflection in the mirror, so Jonouchi knew he could see him, but he didn't seem to pay him any mind. Well, he was probably used to it by now.
"Are you going to wear your baggy ass pants and worn out shirt to bed?" asked Kaiba, after he'd finished with his teeth and washed his face. He was walking towards the bed, but closed the curtains before sitting on his side of the bed, "Most people don't sleep in the clothes they wore during the day."
"I was planning to get undressed," Jonouchi stripped off his shirt, and then worked on his pants fastenings, "I just wanted to wait until you were looking."
That wasn't really true, but it was fun to tease. Even if Kaiba wasn't as flirtatious as he was...
"It's nice not to struggle to get out of my jeans anymore," Jonouchi smiled in self-satisfaction as he lay down, stretching his legs and curling his toes for a moment, "I forgot how comfortable my own clothes are."
"Those boxers look like mine, however..."
"Oh," Jonouchi blushed immediately. He'd forgotten he was wearing the boxer briefs he'd taken from Kaiba's closet. "I kind of sort of stole them from you."
He turned to Kaiba, getting a wicked idea and smirking.
"Why, do you want them back?"
"Not until you've washed them first."
Kaiba wrinkled his nose and rolled his eyes at Jonouchi before laying on his back, putting his hands behind his head.
"Why did you take them, anyway?"
"I needed a change of underwear while I was at your hotel," Jonouchi explained, feeling a little embarrassed again, "and I kind of forgot to tell you that I had borrowed them permanently."
"Well," said Kaiba, turning his head to look at Jonouchi, who was lying right next to him, "That's not really 'borrowing' then, is it?"
"Nope," Jonouchi grinned, "But I can't help it. They're comfortable and they used to be yours."
He rested his hands behind his head, smiling smugly at Kaiba. He was being a little obnoxious, but he didn't care. Kaiba couldn't be surprised at this point.
"If you wanted something of mine, I would have given you a shirt," replied Kaiba. "I bet you that underwear cost me more than our dinners combined."
"Well, I'll pay you back with company," Jonouchi suggested, "I'd offer money, but I kind of need most of that. What do you want as payment?"
He rolled onto his side, watching Kaiba and waiting on his response. It was like a challenge getting Kaiba to openly flirt rather than responding to things with dry humor or snarky comments.
"That depends," answered Kaiba back, unsure of how to respond, "What exactly are you willing to give me? Designer isn't cheap, by the way."
"I'm willing to give you a lot, Kaiba," Jonouchi replied, his expression more serious now, "I think a better question is what you're interested in having with me."
He felt anxious, staring at Kaiba as his breathing became shallow. His chest felt heavy and constricted, and his stomach fluttered uncomfortably. He knew he hadn't had an answer from Kaiba. Certainly not any verbal confirmation.
But there was no logical way to deny that they were performing some version of dating even when there wasn't any confirmation of it. If Kaiba tried to claim that he wasn't attached, Jonouchi would know right away that he was lying. If all other evidence could be argued, the phone call they'd had earlier that day certainly couldn't be.
"What do you want from me, Kaiba? What do you really want?"
"I don't exactly know."
"Well," Jonouchi began hesitantly, "Do you want to find out?"
"It doesn't sound like I have much of a choice but to say yes," teased Kaiba, looking Jonouchi in the eyes as he was gazed at, "You look rather eager to prove yourself."
"Don't act like you aren't just as 'eager' to be convinced," Jonouchi stuck his tongue out while his fingers wandered up Kaiba's side lightly. It had been a few weeks since they'd touched each other. He wasn't sure how he'd contained himself for that long, in all honesty. Maybe it had just been knowing it wouldn't get him anywhere in the end. Because, as Kaiba had said, it didn't mean anything. Certainly not as much as Jonouchi wanted it to.
He closed his eyes when he felt Kaiba's hand at the nape of his neck, shifting along the curve and resting there. Jonouchi wasn't expecting it, considering how they normally were in the past. They didn't typically ever touch each other like that...
"I don't need to be convinced, I just don't want to do anything regrettable... Not after what happened to you, especially."
"What?" Jonouchi laughed awkwardly. "It's not like that between us."
Jonouchi hadn't expected that to be said out loud. It had certainly been implied by Kaiba's strange actions, but never stated outright.
"I wouldn't call it regrettable unless something was wrong here. There was, maybe, before," Jonouchi admitted. "I didn't want this for the right reasons, and neither did you..."
His fingers pressed against Kaiba's waist, feeling unexpectedly soft skin over obvious muscle. He'd always known Kaiba took care of himself, physically, because even in their early teens, he'd been toned. But it was far more obvious when Kaiba was undressed.
"I think that it's a lot different now," Jonouchi stated, though his tone was cautious, "I know it is on my part, and I hope I'm not misreading you. I don't see how I could, but you make it hard for me to be sure."
He smiled a little when he said that, partly to ensure his words wouldn't be taken incorrectly. Kaiba was a more complex person than he was, and Jonouchi knew it, but Kaiba still had basic human needs and impulses. He wasn't so complex that his actions defying his words would take genius to interpret. To Jonouchi, it looked like a case of denial. Lying to himself, more than anything, and pretty effectively at that.
"It was never my intention to be readable by anyone," stated Kaiba, "And things might have changed, but that doesn't make any of this a good idea. You're far too optimistic about everything. I like how things are."
"So do I," Jonouchi replied, "But I'd like it even better if you'd just stop resisting change. Maybe this is a risk, but some things are worth it."
He shifted closer and felt Kaiba's fingers pressing against the side of his neck more firmly. Jonouchi could even smell the minty flavoring from his toothpaste.
"Stop worrying about it so much when you already know what feels right."
Jonouchi pressed his lips against Kaiba's before he could argue about it anymore. They'd just end up running in circles, or worse, separating entirely out of frustration. The evening didn't need to end like that.
He felt Kaiba's fingers in his hair, anchoring themselves in his blond locks and pulling him closer. The lead was stolen from him, but Jonouchi generally preferred it that way. Kaiba guided his movement, setting the rhythm, and Jonouchi gladly went along with the movement. It was very different from before, where he led until Kaiba was too hot and bothered to be resistive. Kaiba was more patient, as if he was simply enjoying the contact rather than acting with a goal in mind.
It only made Jonouchi more eager, but Kaiba deliberately prevented him from setting a faster pace instead of being rushed too fast. Not that it didn't feel incredible; it had been a while since he'd been touched at all, much less by his love interest, and the tender way Kaiba's fingers massaged Jonouchi's scalp while their lips worked against each other slowly nearly made him shudder. It was elating, yet so strange that it was almost alarming.
He felt Kaiba leaning into him, and realized he was being directed to roll onto his back. Not hesitating to submit to his body language, Jonouchi moved down against the bed while Kaiba leaned over him, moving between his legs and lying pressed against Jonouchi's chest. Kaiba wasn't necessarily heavy, but his body felt dense, and Jonouchi had a feeling he wouldn't be able to maintain having that bearing down on him forever, but he didn't want to push him away and lose the contact.
One of Kaiba's hands traveled up his side from his hip as he kissed him again, this time more firmly. Jonouchi was pulling him as close as possible by wrapping his arms around his back; it hardly seemed as if he was about to leave, but he couldn't help feeling a lingering doubt that he might be imagining it somehow. He wondered with horror if he was dreaming again, but it didn't seem like he should be. His dreams were vivid, but never so intense as real life.
He felt impatient again and started bucking his hips, trying to press his pelvis against Kaiba's and grind into him. Kaiba continued lying heavily on him until pushing up made Jonouchi's muscles start to cramp and he calmed down, snorting a little indignantly when Kaiba broke the kiss and started trailing his lips over his jawline and neck. Jonouchi settled for bending his knees, drawing them closer and opening his legs more. It was far more comfortable, and it also gave him the close contact he was craving.
He shuddered when Kaiba's breath tickled his neck, his grip tightening in response to the light teasing of Kaiba's lips. Then Jonouchi jerked a little when Kaiba suddenly nipped at him. He heard Kaiba snicker quietly and felt his warm breath against his neck and sighed. Conflicted, Jonouchi felt comfortable and impossibly pleased with what he felt yet was impatient at the same time. He was frequently reminded of the wet dreams that left him with a hollow ache in his chest, dreams that tormented him with the promise of gratification he didn't know he wanted to begin with.
But he was awake, wasn't he? Jonouchi tried to feel more confident that he was, since he never questioned his state of consciousness when he was in a dream, but he was still suspicious. The last thing he wanted was to go through an experience of emotional gratification that would ultimately lead to nothing.
Suddenly pulled from his thoughts by the sensation of Kaiba's hand drawing a trail over his chest, Jonouchi released a deep sigh; he hadn't realized that he'd been getting tense. He opened his eyes and looked up, flushing when he saw that Kaiba was watching him intently, but he met his blue eyes regardless. Kaiba's touch tingled, and his gaze made Jonouchi unduly aroused even while he felt embarrassed by the intensity of his eyes.
Jonouchi hesitantly loosened his grip on Kaiba's back when he felt him lifting his torso further and let one of his hands ease into his hair when he slid downward. At first, all Jonouchi felt was his warm breath against his chest, and it got him so worked up that he eventually shuddered from the anticipation. It was only after he did that Kaiba made any actual contact, trailing gentle kisses down the middle of his body until he reached his stomach. Jonouchi started to move away from the touch. It tickled. He wasn't even that ticklish a person, but somehow, the way Kaiba's lips touched his skin made it hard for him not to feel that unbearable tingling.
Eventually, he gave up and started to laugh. It was quiet and restrained at first, but eventually he lost his ability to hold it back.
"What's so funny?"
"You're tickling me," Jonouchi accused, still afflicted with the giggles even though Kaiba had stopped for the moment, "I bet you did it on purpose, too..."
"I didn't know you were ticklish."
Kaiba was rolling his eyes but ignored Jonouchi's laughter before moving. Lifting the covers of the bed, he waited for Jonouchi to take a hint and get under before adjusting over him. Then, smirking a little since Jonouchi apparently couldn't fight past his fit of giggles, he started sucking on his neck, right where his jawline was above his ear. It wasn't that hard to do, and it wasn't until Jonouchi loudly sucked in a breath from Kaiba biting did he stop.
"Done now?" snickered Kaiba after Jonouchi stopped squirming. It looked like he was still fighting back his laughter.
"Oh, shut up," Jonouchi muttered, grabbing Kaiba's neck and pulling him into a kiss. Kaiba broke away briefly, and when they met again he went slow against Jonouchi's lips. Jonouchi wanted him to pick up the pace and stop teasing; he felt like a spring that was building up too much pressure, and he was desperate to release it. But his partner had other ideas and was determined to take his time, feeling no rush whatsoever.
Hands wandered over Kaiba's back, Jonouchi sliding them down his shoulder blades and following the curve of Kaiba's spine to the base of his tailbone. Then his path was stopped by the waistband of Kaiba's expensive underwear, and Jonouchi decided it was time for it to go. He started tugging at it, trying to pull it down Kaiba's hips. Kaiba took a hint and lifted himself enough that he could slide them off, but before Jonouchi could pull him back down, he started yanking his stolen boxer-briefs off him.
When Kaiba lay back down on top of him, Jonouchi lifted his knees, pressing his thighs against Kaiba's sides and relaxing against the mattress. Kaiba seemed a little taken back by his sudden initiative but didn't try to stop him. Much as Jonouchi appreciated all the compassionate foreplay, there was only so long they could be that vanilla and still get anywhere.
Jonouchi used his legs to pull Kaiba into him and moving up at the same time, sighing almost in relief at the sensation. He got a good grip on Kaiba's hair; not too tight, but enough that Kaiba wouldn't be able to get away as easily when Jonouchi pressed more heatedly against his lips. His more impassioned actions were finally reciprocated; evidently, there was only so much even Kaiba could resist.
Jonouchi felt Kaiba's hands on his hips and let him lead both the kissing and the grinding; from the top, he had a much better position for it, and Kaiba was rolling his hips into him so proficiently that Jonouchi started to arch up and moan despite himself. His vision was getting blurry when he opened his eyes, and he found himself getting lost in the sensation and trying his best to get more. Kaiba didn't make any moves until they'd reached the point that they were both hard, Jonouchi moaning openly when the sensation was great enough, and Kaiba's hair well tousled by his hands. Then stopping himself being getting too carried away, Jonouchi pressed his hands against Kaiba's chest, indicating that he should stop. Kaiba gave him a questioning look.
"What's wrong? Why are we stopping?"
"Because," Jonouchi muttered before taking a deep breath and gathering his nerve. Yes, he'd been turned down in the past, but things had changed significantly since then. "I don't just want to fool around again, Kaiba."
He met his eyes, hoping that he could get his point across without being too blunt. Surely, he should, since Kaiba already knew what he wanted since the beginning. Still, Jonouchi reached up and held his face, gazing up at him with lusty eyes and hoping they were of the same mind.
"All right."
Getting up off Jonouchi's chest, Kaiba lifted himself off and began digging into the drawer next to the bed. He pulled out a wrapped condom before taking out and uncapping a bottle of lubricant and moisturizing his fingers with it. Hesitating, Jonouchi realized that maybe Kaiba didn't have a ton of experience at doing this sort of thing. Well, he'd done it drunk before but now he was feeling, what? Anxious? Jonouchi wasn't sure how to feel about Kaiba appearing anxious.
Helping Jonouchi lift his hips higher, Kaiba reached down and started nudging his finger very gently into Jonouchi while kissing his collar bones. Kaiba could reach both, when he was slow about it, and waiting for the sphincter muscles to relax before pushing in more forcefully. He made little circles with his finger before Jonouchi ease into it when he released a sigh.
The whole time Jonouchi been pushing to go harder, faster. Kaiba wasn't allowing him to though. He was going so slow while Jonouchi wanted to rush through all the foreplay. It would only end badly but Jonouchi had poor patience. Kaiba was holding Jonouchi's hip down against the mattress, sliding his finger in and out, thrusting into him while Jonouchi took deep breathes.
Jonouchi found himself stuck waiting with anticipation. Being in missionary, he couldn't do much in the way of leading, and he had to lie patiently and deal with Kaiba's slow pace. He reciprocated his kisses eagerly, his mind feeling fuzzy from the growing pressure in his lower body; his sphincters were clenching tightly against Kaiba's fingers, and the sensation from that as he slid them slowly in and out made Jonouchi shudder and try to push into him harder. Kaiba's free hand prevented him from doing so.
"Kaiba, you're taking too long," Jonouchi complained, hoping he'd give in and at least finger him faster. He felt his muscles easing up, though it happened more slowly than he'd hoped. It had been a while since he'd had anything up there, but he didn't think Kaiba could do anything to hurt him.
"Relax, you're still tense."
Jonouchi was going to complain, but he ended up releasing a low whimper when Kaiba curled his fingers and brushed against a hot spot. He fell flat on the bed and felt his hands trembling when Kaiba repeated it again. Every time Kaiba slid his fingers in, he curled them over and nudged just enough that sharper sensation shot through him. Jonouchi couldn't stop himself from arching sporadically and involuntarily, his hair getting messy and wild from his head turning and sliding against the bed. He felt like grabbing something to keep a handle on himself, and settled on Kaiba, holding his shoulders tightly as his breath shortened and sweat started to collect on his forehead.
The pressure in his lower body was easing as his muscles went slack, and Jonouchi clenched occasionally to get back the sensation, but it wasn't enough. He opened his eyes, his skin glistening with sweat as he panted, and he met Kaiba's gaze.
"I'm ready, dammit," he yelled, his voice more desperate now than it was demanding. The muscles in his legs were trembling due to the pressure, and his arms were too weak for him to hold Kaiba's shoulders anymore.
Jonouchi looked like a mess, lying on his back with hair matted all over his forehead. Kaiba looked down at him, snorting before brushing his bangs back and turning his attention toward the table again. He grabbed the condom, using his teeth to break the wrapper before using his hands underneath the bed covers to get it on, but he was stopped before he could manage anything besides touching himself briefly.
"What are you doing?"
Jonouchi turned his face away, but he didn't let go of his grip on Kaiba's wrist.
"You don't need to use that," Jonouchi glanced at Kaiba hesitantly, "I mean, if you don't want to."
"Are you absolutely positive?"
"I'm not dirty," Jonouchi blabbed out, a little out of nervousness mostly because he was embarrassed by the question, "Besides, I don't really... like latex. It'll be okay."
Jonouchi watched as Kaiba prepared himself before he arched into him a little, holding tightly onto Kaiba's upper arms as he fought back gasping aloud. His vision went blurry and he closed his eyes when he felt spread open, the familiar pressure building up so suddenly that it was dizzying. Lifting his knees, he locked his ankles under Kaiba's thighs to make sure he didn't get jostled out of position. He tried to pull him closer, but Kaiba resisted and continued at a very gradual pace; it was like he was waiting for Jonouchi to open to him rather than pushing his way in.
He was aching for more quickly, but Kaiba didn't speed up, and he was forced to wait while the pressure in his body built up to being almost unbearable, his body shaking while he tried to relax. Jonouchi had to remind himself again that he was awake and felt a flash of panic when he wondered if he really was, but he pushed it from his mind. He didn't even care, at this point. He just wanted to have Kaiba, and for the moment, he was getting him.
When Kaiba was fully buried, he stopped moving. His arms were tense, and Jonouchi could hear him breathing heavily as if he was deliberately controlling himself. Jonouchi wondered why, but there wasn't any room for further thought when Kaiba started pulling back out. Jonouchi couldn't stop himself from moaning involuntary, frustrated still, and his fingers moved from Kaiba's arms to his hair. His breathing continued to escalate, and his anticipation was so much that it made him shudder when it built up to more than he could bear.
Opening his eyes as Kaiba started to push in again, his own grew dark and slightly vacant from the sex, but no less fixated on the man above him. Even though his eyes were half-lidded, Kaiba's gaze was still piercing, and so intense that it made Jonouchi want to shy away even while he craved it. He tried using the grip he had on Kaiba's hair to pull him into a kiss. Kaiba came to him obligingly, and even though the contact was sloppy, Jonouchi didn't give up on it. He felt like he needed it. For all intents and purposes, Jonouchi was getting what he'd wanted for months. He planned to get the full experience after waiting for so long...
It was strange though, to kiss during sex. He'd never really done it, not once the actual penetration started while with Kitamura. It had only been in his dreams. He sighed deeply when Kaiba thrusted into him second time, and Jonouchi's muscles clenched in response to Kaiba's dick twitching unexpectedly. Jonouchi had never experienced the feeling of bare skin like that or being able to detect the feeling of the other person rather than the nondescript surface of latex. It felt very strange.
Then Kaiba finally gave in to Jonouchi's desperate pulling and started to pick up the pace. Not nearly as slow as before, but still not as fast as Jonouchi wanted. His thighs were starting to shake again from the pressure, and it took an effort to keep his legs from falling away, but he was determined to hold on to Kaiba for as long as possible. The fear that he would slip away still nagged at the back of his mind.
Shuddering, Jonouchi used one of his hands to hold the back of Kaiba's neck as they kissed. He had plenty of room to breathe, since neither of them was able to focus very well on their lips, and every time he released a quiet sigh, it was uninterrupted. He knew his voice carried enough to Kaiba's ears as he started mumbling for him to go faster, and for once Kaiba responded enthusiastically. Jonouchi started to find himself moaning out loud when Kaiba picked up the pace, thrusting more than simply sliding and pulling Jonouchi's hips up and into him.
Jonouchi's thighs were squeezing Kaiba's sides, but he didn't seem bothered by it. Kaiba just moaned more audibly, their attempts to make lip contact abandoned in favor of maintaining a faster, harder pace. Unable to stop himself, Jonouchi called out for more when he was able to form coherent words, calling Kaiba's name under his breath as his fingernails dragged across his back. He couldn't see well when he opened his eyes, and there was nothing but his awareness of the sensations and the vaguely noticeable sound of his own voice and Kaiba's ragged breathing.
Releasing noises every time Kaiba thrust in, Jonouchi thought Kaiba's pace was so aggressive that he was going to lose it. The combination of emotional and physical elation was more than Jonouchi could handle, but it didn't seem as if it was going to reach maximum until he hit his climax. He hoped Kaiba was there too, and it seemed like he was as his hands held his hips hard enough that Jonouchi thought he might bruise them, and Kaiba's teeth bit down on his neck.
Hips jumping instinctively as he released, Jonouchi sighing loudly as he did; he knew his nails were digging into Kaiba's back, leaving red trails as they clawed over his skin, but Kaiba didn't seem to mind. His teeth were digging into the base of his neck as he made a final thrust, pushing in hard enough that he almost knocked the breath out of Jonouchi. Then he shuddered and sighed, practically collapsing on top of him before gently rocking his hips a few times.
Finally, still, Jonouchi slowly regained his consciousness. Blood returned to his head and he was aware of his body again, surprised by the feeling of semen inside of him, and the fact that Kaiba's weight was still bearing down on him. Jonouchi urgently opened his eyes, thinking for a horrible second that it must be his imagination, and he was waking up from another dream. He couldn't handle that. Not again, and certainly not after the evening they'd had.
Not after everything he'd felt while they did it.
But when he looked up, Kaiba was still on top of him, and Jonouchi simply stared, stunned. His chest hurt, but it was from exercise rather than experiencing the emotional ache he usually did after his dreams. His breath was shaky, and he felt his eyes stinging at the corners as his vision blurred. Closing them, Jonouchi tried to ward off the tears that were threatening to fall, but he couldn't stop them when Kaiba kissed his neck, his lips pressing against the place where he'd left marks on his skin.
Jonouchi was grateful that at least he wasn't sobbing, but his eyes were still watering like a river, and his nose stung. He sniffed, trying to stop himself from trembling as he wiped at his eyes. He felt ridiculous. It figured that the one time it was real; he started crying like a girl afterward. What could he do to help it? After finally releasing something that had built up for ages and almost killed him with the intensity, he couldn't stop himself.
It had been real. The sheer relief was so much that he felt like he was breathing for the first time in a long time, his body tingling from the rush. Even with the way his dreams had always played out, Jonouchi hadn't expected that. After everything he'd experienced in the past, he hadn't had any real confidence that he'd feel something like that in real life. Perhaps his desperate dreams intertwined love and sex, but it had been doubtful that it was attainable. He had hoped, but never expected.
Yet here he was. Crying like one of the boys from an eromanga.
Hiding his face in his elbow, Jonouchi hoped Kaiba wouldn't notice the tears, but knew that he had. It was so embarrassing. He shuddered, releasing a silent sob, and he felt Kaiba's fingers in his hair as he rolled off him and laid at his side. Jonouchi didn't resist when Kaiba pulled him closer, shamelessly snuggling up and nuzzling his neck. Kaiba didn't say anything, nor did he seem tense or upset, and Jonouchi sighed in relief. Maybe he understood. Or, maybe he didn't and figured it could wait until morning. Whatever the case, Jonouchi was too overwhelmed to try to explain, and settled for topping things off by returning Kaiba's embrace and kissing him.
He felt exhausted, but the tears were stopping. Kaiba's fingers combing through his hair was like a lullaby; the repetitive motion relaxed him further until he was on the verge of falling asleep. Jonouchi was dizzy, and so content that he almost felt high. Just before he drifted off, he mumbled incoherent words in low, slurred tones, his words muffled but still audible. He wasn't even sure if Kaiba was awake anymore to hear him, but he didn't have time to dwell on it before he fell asleep.