DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HXH.DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HXH.

BETA READER: NONE.

Chapter 3:A Reluctant Decision.

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His eyelids felt so heavy to lift, and what he could only feel was pain and coldness.

He tried to remember why he was feeling that way, but the heaviness all over him was messing with his memory. Yet, he still tried to work it out. Then awfully, he remembered a familiar face wearing a sick smirk.

Kuroro Lucifer.

As though he forgot everything but not his wrath towards the man for what he did to him, Kurapika snapped his eyes.

He was on the same place where he lost his dignity, lying on the same bed where Kuroro raped him. He abruptly pushed himself to sit, then a pain shot in his head, followed by his arms, back and waist.

He suddenly felt something wet on his lap. He looked down and he saw a wet towel on it. Then he noticed that he was wearing a bathrobe, without anything underneath. He clutched his forehead; he noted that it was hot. He groaned and covered his face with both of his hands. He sighed deeply.

He had a fever – again. Just like when he rescued his friends from Ryodan. He realized that he must have used his eyes again to their limits, and they were now taking their toll. He looked around, half-expecting a cold, dark-eyed man to be there. But there was no one. He couldn't remember how he got to the bed. As far as his mind could recall, he was inside the bathroom. Then, no more.

He looked around again. Kurapika found a covered bowl, a glass of water with some pills beside it along with a note on the bedside table.

Then he realized how hungry and thirsty he was. He set that aside, though, and reached out for the note first.

'You collapsed inside the bathroom while taking a bath, burning with fever.

I'm not sure when you'll wake up. I had to leave ahead for some business. You were out cold for two consecutive days, by the way.

Eat and take your medicine once you wake up. It's an order. I'm not sure when I'll be back. And if ever you found this note while I'm out, I bet you'll leave right away anyway. If you need something, just contact me. If your fever worsens, call me immediately.

I already sent you the eyes. There's a bank book inside this table's cabinet. Two pairs, as I promised. Your phone's with it.

Here's my phone number. Inform me once you woke up so that I won't waste time to go back there. It's an order.

By the way, this is an advice. Take good care of yourself. I don't have any loving intent to watch you out next time. We still have a lot of hell to look forward to, anyway. I want you to be at your best.

Again, forget suicide. Don't even think about it. Your pride and dignity isn't as important as you clan's eyes and your friends' lives. Get use to this from now on.

Lastly; I love our first night. Feel free to contact me anytime if you want another pair.

I'm looking forward to see you again.'

Kurapika crumpled the paper once he finished reading. The thing was balled to its smallest form as the blond's knuckles paled on a tight fist. His eyes abruptly turned scarlet, his aura rose up. The paper slowly burned on his hand without him noticing it. He fiercely threw it away; it turned into ashes as it reached the floor.

He gritted his teeth hard; his hands shook violently as well. Kurapika actually hoped that what happened between him and the Spider head was just a mortifying nightmare. But the pain all over his body, along with that letter, confirmed that everything was for real.

And he couldn't take it at all.

He buried his face on his hands again, trying to compose himself. The damage had been done, nothing to do about it anymore. He had expected to be tortured and beaten to death. Of course, he had expectedthis kind of thing to happen too. But he never dreamed to be on this kind of misery. Having an exchange of information with the wicked magician, Hisoka, was a story. But having this kind of transactionwith the Spider head himself using his body was another. Definitely. The thing was he hadn't even agreed on it willingly. The bastard just took the matter on his own hands and forced the Kuruta.

But unlike Hisoka's offer, Kuroro's was more definite and less dangerous (did he really think so?). The man had the points. His clan's eyes and his friends were the first, not his pride and dignity. He wasn't scared of death - losing his virginity was nothing to him if it would lead him nearer to his brethren's eyes. In fact, what happened brought more reason for his wrath against Ryodan to tower – and that was he actually wanted to happen.

He seized the knob of the table's cabinet. A booklet and his phone were inside. The boy took the booklet first and he scanned its content. There were two serial numbers on its first page, inches under his name. He took his phone next. He scanned his phone book and checked if the phone numbers of his friends were still on it. They were. The list wasn't missing any number. In fact, another number was added on it. A name he didn't even want to think about.

Kuroro Lucifer.

From the name to the man himself. Everything about that bastard depicted evil.

Genei Ryodan had just added another sin to Kurapika, the more reason why he had to keep himself alive to exact the worst vengeance that anyone could never imagine. They took everything from him. They stole every single thing that he had.

They must pay back, no matter what.

'Don't worry,' Kurapika thought while reaching for a glass of water. I'm not thinking of killing myself anymore.' He drank the fluids all at once. 'I don't think I'll leave this world without taking everything back to me. I don't want to go to hell alone. I'll definitely take the hell out of you all.'He rose up and searched for his clothes. He found a pair of shirt and slacks on a chair nearby. His tribal clothes (which were torn due to his battle with Kuroro) was underneath, folded. He casually shrugged the bathrobe off of him and wore the pair. He clutched his tribal attire, folded it his arm and placed his phone on his pocket, along with the bankbook. He reached for the room's door.

'If you love to use me for your own benefit, and then let me do the same. Since you're having fun in this game you made, then I'll play with you too.'

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Kurapika mentally made a schedule plan on his mind. First, he would go to the security bank where Kuroro sent the eyes. He would withdraw them from there to deposit to another bank, to his personal account. After that, he would go back to an auction house where he went before falling into Kuroro's hands to claim another pair of eyes. From there, he would go straight to his new employer's manor to hand the pair. He had to all of those today.

He counted the days that passed. He was unconscious for two days according to that letter. If that was the case then he was sleeping on that room where that horrible incident happened for almost three days.

Right after heading out of the room, Kurapika realized that he was on a small bungalow house in the middle of woods. He was still in the forest where he and Kuroro fought.

He limply headed out of the forest. He was still feeling so weak. He had healed all of his wounds, including the worst one Kuroro had caused. But his fever was still decreasing his movements. He had no choice but to look for a pharmacy to buy medicine.

He easily found one when he reached a village. He bought some and headed to a small restaurant nearby. He immediately looked for a bus that would lead him to the nearest city after hastily eating his late breakfast, feeling a bit dizzy due to the medicine's effect along the way.

Kurapika looked for the bank where Kuroro sent the eyes. It was a bit hard to look for it; the establishment was on the farthest alley of the city. He nervously handed the bankbook to a teller, feeling anxious that it might bounce, or maybe the eyes weren't there. He couldn't trust the Spider head after all, he was a good-for-nothing thief. Fooling him was a piece of cake.

But he sighed in relief as the teller handed him two pairs of cylindrical containers with four scarlet eyeballs inside. He used gyou to check their authenticity.

They were real.

The teller packed the goods on metal boxes. Kurapika left the bank in contentment.

He made his way to an auction house on the same city. There, he picked another Kuruta eye pair. The staff who gave him the pair looked quizzically at him. The boy timidly made a small smile and nodded to thank him.

Holding three metal boxes containing his brethren's eyes, Kurapika immediately booked himself a flight back to York Shin. The flight was three hours long, so he had a time to nap. He found it hard to sleep. His body felt so sleepy, yet his mind was fully awake.

Once he reached York Shin, the Kuruta went straight to a huge security bank in the city. He deposited the two pairs of eyes on his own account. Feeling odd yet satisfied, Kurapika left the place to head back to the mansion where he was staying, clutching a box containing a pair of scarlet eyes.

"Finally!" a man with brown eyes in a suit exclaimed as he welcomed the blond. Kurapika went straight to the living room where his new employer was drinking tea. "What took you so long, Kurapika? Hey, are you okay?"

"Yes, sir. I'm sorry. I... I had a fever. I had to stay on a hotel to rest. Luckily, I managed to acquire the eyes before my fever rose. I'm really sorry for making you wait. Here are the eyes," holding a grudge because he was going to hand the precious scarlet eyes to this greedy man, Kurapika placed the box on the center table. The man was excitedly looking at it. He opened the box, and he saw the man's eyes glint greedily upon seeing the scarlet orbs floating inside the cylindrical container.

"Good job," the man complimented. "Another pair... This is getting better! Thanks for the hard work, Kurapika. You better go to your room and have some rest. We still got many things to do. Get well soon."

Kurapika was more than willing to comply. The man looked to the boy's eyes, noting that there were lines under them. Kurapika bowed before making his way to his room.

After resigning from Light Nostrad, Kurapika along with his co-worker, Senritsu, was introduced to another Mafia member who was a friend of their former boss. Lurix Dmitri once visited Nostrad's mansion to have a word with Light Nostrad. Kurapika wasn't sure, but it looked to him that Light admitted to Dmitri that he was suffering from bankruptcy. Because after that, Dmitri had start to talk to him about the man's financial status.

Kurapika tried his best to help his former boss to at least manage his remaining assets. Dmitri saw Kurapika's performance with the way he arranged everything for Light Nostard. With the boy's help, Nostrad managed to regain most of his money. The man actually learned not to rely on his daughter's ability and worked on his own to attain his remaining fortune, making Dmitri impressed with the blond; hence he offered a job to Kurapika and Senritsu.

The Kuruta wasn't interested on it first, but when he found that Dmitri owned a pair of his clan's eyes, he considered. Senritsu didn't mind at all and she accepted the offer. So, Kurapika did the same.

Kurapika weakly sat on his bed when he reached his room. He took his shoes off and was about to do the same with his clothes when he hesitated.

He looked at his hands, then to his arms. He laid them on his lap, looking at his thighs.

He remembered Kuroro's grip on them. He could still feel the warmth and the roughness of those hands, possessively caressing his skin. He felt disgusted. He could feel the stains of that man all over his body. Even if the Holy Chain had managed to heal all of his wounds, it hadn't wipe the fact that the Spider head touched, licked and sucked his as though he was a sex slave. The thought was killing him. He slumped on the bed by his side, his head barely touched a pillow.

He curled on the bed, gripped his left arm by his right hand. He clutched it tight, his eyelids drooped a little. He buried his face on the mattress and coiled himself more, hoping he would shrink to escape shame. Flushing hard, he wondered; how did he got himself in this situation? His dignity was the last thing he had. But it was stolen by the worst person he could ever lay his eyes on. He wasn't able to protect himself. He believed he was strong enough to face his enemies. But look, he hadn't even manage to defend himself. He couldn't help to but be ashamed.

He closed his eyes, wondering when all of these pain, wrath and sadness would go away from him.

He almost fell asleep when a knock sounded from the door.

"Kurapika? Are you still awake?" a familiar voice called.

"Yes, come in," the boy replied.

The small figure of Senritsu emerged from the door. Clutching a tray, she strode towards the blond. Kurapika pushed himself to sit.

"I'm sorry. Did I disturb you?"

"No, it's fine."

"I heard you arrived. Dmitri-san asked me to bring food and medicine. He wants you to at least eat and take some pills before you sleep." the music hunter explained.

"I see, thank you, Senritsu. Please say thanks to Dmitri-san for me."

Senritsu walked to a table near Kurapika, his back was on the boy's. "No problem." She placed the tray on the table.

"Kurapika."

The boy heard his own name. "Yes?"

"Your heartbeat... It's the worst heartbeat I've ever heard in my life." Kurapika heard a sob. Then he was Senritsu taking a handkerchief from his pocket. She hastily wiped it on her face.

She looked at the boy. "What on earth had happen for you to hold such a tone? I... I can't stand it at all! The pain, the grudge and the sadness... Everything on your heart was enough to kill a human due to stress! I-I can't stand listening to it. I can't believe you can still stand and live those feelings. Kurapika, what happened?" Senritsu silently broke down, holding back her tears.

Kurapika was a bit surprised. He looked at Senritsu who was now looking at him worriedly.

The Kuruta couldn't even stand remembering what really happened, let alone tell it to anyone. But Senritsu's concerned look got him thinking.

"Senritsu, please play a song on your flute for me," Kurapika asked.

Senristu complied without thinking twice. She took her flute from her breast pocket and played a tune. She tried her best to give relief to the blond as she blew every note. It didn't fail to calm the boy. Kurapika's heartbeat eventually became stable.

The music hunter smoothly finished a whole piece.

Senritsu tucked her flute back to her pocket. She looked at Kurapika, noting that the blond's eyes now held a softer tone. Silence took over for a while. Senritsu patiently waited as Kurapika pondered his answer.

"After attending the auction at Beika city," Kurapika started. "... I met Kuroro Lucifer on my way back here. I don't know but... he managed to lift my Judgment Chain off him. I don't know too why I didn't feel it. Anyway. We fought hand-in-hand. I was defeated. He was about to kill me when something happened. He... he kind of, admired my eyes. He-" Kurapika couldn't continue. But he tried again, holding back his tears. "But he changed his mind. He let me live and he actually tended to my broken arm."

"And what did he take from you in return?" Senritsu asked with fear from the blond's answer.

"We... we kind of... made a deal. I found that he was holding some pairs of the eyes. He threatened me. He..." The boy faltered, he let a small sob escape from him. He tried to think of other words to explain the incident.

"... He wants me to... to do what he wants in exchange of the eyes." Kurapika ran a hand on his head. He clutched his blond hair and bit his lips.

"And you agreed on it?" Senritsu asked.

"No, I didn't. He forced me. He..." the blond took a breath, and he forced himself to finish his tale.

"He raped me... then he gave me two pairs of eyes."

He heard Senritsu gasped. Opting not to look at the girl, he bowed his head a bit, not wanting to see other's sympathy to him.

"Kurapika—"

"I considered his offer. I thought about it hard. At least now, I officially own two pairs of my clan's eyes. I didn't give myself to him. He did everything on his own, leaving me now choice and no way to escape. And now, I lost everything I have.

"The scarlet eyes were the last reason why I decided to continue. I have no care for myself anymore. I don't care what might happen to me. I... I knew myself that I can't retrieve all the eyes on my own. I want to collect all of them as soon as possible. Then I'll exact revenge on Ryodan. By that time, the deal would probably be over. The deal might be a way. I was thinking. I might find a way to defeat Spiders if I agree on the deal."

"But-"

"Senritsu," Kurapika looked at the girl. "You know how desperate I am. Look at me! I'm not a murderer, yet I already killed two people. I hate the mafia, but I'm here, working for them. There's nothing I can't do for my clan, I sacrificed my life for this. Using my body for them is nothing... anymore. This life of mine is a crap. I..." he looked away again. He chose to pin his eyes on the floor.

"I got nothing to lose anymore."

"But Kurapika, what you're about to do won't bring happiness to you at all! You'll just drag yourself more into misery. I have no right to say this, but I think your clan won't be satisfied if you use that kind of method. You'll lead yourself to your own destruction. Your life would be entirely ruin—"

"Senritsu, can't you see? My life was ruined ever since they killed my clan! I lost all the reasons to live when they wiped my family out. The only reason why I'm still living is my mission to regain my brethren's eyes and to finish Ryodan. Probably when that time comes, I'm already in the verge of death. I'm losing hope. I've been working so hard to at least track down the eyes' whereabouts. But even if I found them, I'll still be in trouble for thinking of a way to get them. I can't simply buy them on auctions. I can't steal them from my employers. If that... If it wasn't for that bastard's perverted desire on me, probably I don't still have a single pair... Two pairs, just for a night. I can't even believe he let me live, I don't even know if I must consider it as luck or what. And he holds more pairs. I'm afraid that he might destroy them. I just... I can't help to think about it. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to drag my friends, even you, in this catastrophe. I want to fight alone until the very end. Please, understand me."

Silence took over again. Kurapika looked gravely hopeless. Senritsu was suppressing her pity for the blond. She didn't want to add more turmoil to him.

"I know I can't stand in your way," Senritsu softly said. "Even if I try to stop you, I know it won't work. Telling this to your friends no matter how necessary it is will just worsen the situation. And I bet you won't let me do such thing. But Kurapika, think about this more, please! Maybe... maybe there's another way around, a better way. Please, think more..."

"Thank you so much, Senritsu." Kurapika regarded the woman's worry over him. He looked at her again. "Please, keep this as our secret. Don't tell to anyone. I'll do as you say. I'll just take some rest for a while. I'm sorry for the trouble."

Senritsu warmly smiled in attempt to cheer the heavy atmosphere. "It's absolutely nothing. Please eat and take this medicine first. Don't worry about your tasks, I can handle them. Get the rest as much as you want. Okay?"

"Got it," Kurapika graced his lips into a small smile.

"I'll leave you, then. Get well soon."

The boy simply watched as Senritsu walked to the door. The woman firmly closed it, leaving Kurapika alone again.

The blond collapsed back on the mattress. He placed the back of one of his hands on his forehead. He noted that the ceiling of his room was red; slowly he realized that it was his eyes that turned scarlet.

He couldn't believe what he said earlier. So he was already decided to agree with the deal? Was he insane? Was he really going to let that bastard touch him again? Would he let that incidentwith the Spider head to happen again? Had he really decided the matter?

Was he even strong enough to plunge himself again to another uncertain agreement?

Kurapika had been thinking hard about the matter ever since he woke up from his fever. His brain worked harder when he had lay his hands on the two pairs of the eyes that he withdrew from the security bank. His mind reeled to the max when he answered Senritsu's question.

His head abruptly swam. The fever again. Him, thinking about everything too much was worsening his fever. The medicines he took earlier must be wearing out.

As he walked towards the table where Senritsu placed the tray, Kurapika tried to think less. Moreover, he pondered his thoughts to its smallest form. He hurriedly ate his food then gulped his medicines all at once.

Right, why was he thinking if he would agree on the deal? And if ever he wouldn't comply, probably Kuroro Lucifer would hunt him down to rape him again just to forcible impose the agreement. He bet the man would kill him after that this time. He thought that the Spider head might drag his friends too. And the eyes the man had. 'Come to think of it,'he realized.

'I got no choice at all.'

Kurapika hastily took his clothes off to change. He went to the bathroom and washed his face on the sink. He looked at the mirror. He noted that he looked groggy, there were lines under his eyes. His face was a bit gaunt, his eyes were drooped. He indeed looked like a crap. He stood in front of the sink for a while.

Right. He couldn't afford and let himself become weak. Not this time. He still had many things to do. He had to gain his strength back to get back to work and face Kuroro Lucifer.

The Kuruta laid himself on his bed to give his mind and body what they were asking him. He had to condition himself no matter how the sick truth insisted to set itself in front of him.

That he didn't own himself anymore.

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P.S. Yes, guys, I'm still alive! And guess where I am now. Yep, I'm on a PUBLIC LIBRARY. Why? Here's why.

I RAN AWAY FROM HOME. I got enough of them, my good for nothing sisters, my biased mom who's always taking their side, my ignorant dad. I got only 20 pesos with me *sa'n kaya makarating 'to?* and I got nothing but my SD, NGB and CUT! manuscripts. Yep, I'll be back there at home. I haven't even ate breakfast when I left. Cool off lang naman, pampalipas ng init ng ulo. And I bet they won't think that I'm in a public library.

So... yes, to those non-Filipino readers- you owe Quezon City hall- This is paid by the Philippine government! Haha! I bet my parents are assuming that I went on a friend's place to talk and drink- of course they won't think that I'm here on city hall, surfing net for FREE! The only thing I learned today is: it's bad to suppress everything in your heart. I've been keeping myself silent all these years and after bursting out of tears and screaming out *my throat still hurts XO*, I felt relieved. And I finally got a library card! And I came to borrow a book that I want - 'Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets'. Kyaa~!

Sadly, they'll be close by 5. *Luckily I decided to break down today - Friday - and they are open! HAHAHA!*

So... I hope you liked this chap and I REALLY hope I kept my characterization intact. I already finished a notebook for this fic, I haven't bought another one. Oh, by the way- I'm so glad, THE HXH MOVIE IS ABOUT TO BE SHOWN HERE IN MY COUNTRY! Yep, by June! And it'll be sooo fun to watch it with a fellow Chain Pair fangirl! I hope this note gave you, Filipno readers, some idea of my whereabouts. So dun sa mga interesado, go lang ng go! PM me right away!

Oh... please don't forget to review. I'm really feeling so bad now and some comments for my fic is a heart.