Author's note: CW for mentions/implications of sexual assault

Sometimes, I join you, let you wash over me.

When we're in the darkness, only the blind can see.

And you can tear it up, no one tears it up like you.

You can rip it up, I can't rip it up like you.

When you're in the half-light, it is not you I see.

And you live a half-life, you only show half to me.

- "Half-Light" by Banners

Zuko

My mind is reeling the entire walk home. Rhett spends the trip rehashing the party I'd missed. Apparently, he'd run into Azula right after it—whatever it was, because neither of us know for sure—happened, and she'd pointed Jet out to him. Rhett almost confronted him then, but Azula had stopped him.

That whole situation in the pub suddenly makes more sense now. Jet's standoffish behavior. The glare. It's because he recognized me, too.

I hadn't spoken to him that night. Maybe I should have. I could have at least threatened to beat him up or defend my sister's honor, but Azula was so worked up and half the people there were watching. I thought it was better if we just left and didn't cause a scene. I was thinking about her reputation, and the hell I'd pay for letting her make a fool out of herself in front of everyone. And really, would it have made a difference now?

I'm baffled by the whole situation. What are the odds that Jet would be at some party in Seattle, so far away from his college in Eugene, where he would try to cop a feel on my sister? And that, months later, I would move to the town where his girlfriend lives? It doesn't seem possible.

My life is a Nicholas Sparks novel, I tell myself again. When the hell did that happen?

It happened the moment I ran into a pretty girl on the sidewalk.

Rhett and I finally get back to the loft. We step inside and maneuver through the loft with the exaggerated caution of drunk people. Rhett drops onto the couch and I make my way into the kitchen for a glass of water. My hands shake as I grab a glass and fill it from the tap. It's barely nine o'clock, but I can already hear Uncle snoring.

I go into the living room and sit down on the couch.

Rhett breaks the silence we've slipped into. "Are you going to tell her?"

My jaw clenches tightly. "Tell her what, exactly? That her boyfriend might have come onto my sister at a party in Seattle?" I let out a derisive snort. "With no proof? Yeah, that sounds like a great plan."

"He recognized you, Zuko." Rhett stabs his finger in my direction. "That means he knows you know what he did, or he thinks you do. You've just become a threat."

I pinch the bridge of my nose between my fingers. "And that's exactly why I shouldn't say anything. Him and Katara have been together a lot longer than she's known me. Who do you think she's going to believe?"

Rhett doesn't answer.

"Exactly. And then I'll just screw everything up." I sigh heavily. "But if I don't say anything, and she finds out somehow that I knew, I still ruin everything."

"Jeez, man." Rhett shakes his head. "You're damned if you do, damned if you don't."

"Yeah. I know." I peer over at him. "What do you think I should do?"

Rhett considers this for a moment before he answers. "I think you should tell her. That Jet guy is obviously a creep. I don't know exactly what he did to Azula, but you saw her that night. She was rattled. That's not like your sister." Rhett gazes at me levelly. "Katara deserves to know."

I scrub my hand down my face. Rhett's right. I know he is, and I want to tell her. She does deserve to know. If Jet really did try to touch my sister—or if he did—then he's worse than a creep. Katara doesn't deserve to be with someone like that. Thinking of Jet, and what he's done, and the fact that he's with Katara probably right now, makes my skin crawl.

And, if I'm being honest with myself, a part of me is telling me that if she breaks up with him, then an opportunity presents itself to me. The window opens up.

But nothing in my life ever works in my favor. My life is a series of bad luck and closed doors. If I tell her what I know, there's a pretty good chance she isn't going to believe me. And then I'm going to ruin this thing we have. I didn't realize until today how fragile it is. And if Katara leaves? Then it's just another closed door.

And wanting to tell her for that reason, wanting her to break up with Jet...it's selfish. I'm a lot of things, but I've never been selfish.

I wonder what Uncle will say if I tell him about this conundrum I'm in. But I don't need to ask him. I already know what he'll say. He'll tell me that sometimes we have to stand up for our convictions and do what's right, even if it hurts us.

I know that, because he did that for me. When my father cast me aside and took everything from me, Uncle chose to walk away from his brother and the company to come with me. He relinquished his holdings and shares, he sold his big house, and he moved down here to help me. It has cost him everything, and he has done it without a second thought.

And I'm thinking about Azula. Rhett is right. I've never seen Azula act the way she did that night. And maybe I should have pushed harder to find out what happened, but I didn't.

Deep down, I know what I have to do. I have to tell Katara the truth, even if that window slams closed.

Katara

Everything feels awkward and tense between me and Jet after Zuko and his friend leaves. Sela brings by our to-go boxes, and I see the look she gives me. Undoubtedly, she just watched the whole scene unfold and is coming to her own conclusions about it.

Personally, I'm a little uncertain. I hadn't expected Jet to have such a visceral reaction to Zuko. But then again, I'd also anticipated giving him a heads-up about my new friend. I didn't expect Zuko to be at Nan's.

But somehow, it still seems a little overkill.

We leave the pub. No one says a word as Jet, Dad, and I climb into the truck. The drive home is icy and silent. Jet broods beside me while Dad keeps his eyes on the road. I sit between them, wondering what is going to happen next.

Dad pulls up in front of the house. Jet is out of the truck before Dad even kills the engine, and when I look over at him, Dad is watching me with guarded eyes.

"Are you okay?" He mouths the words as he nods at Jet.

I look over at my boyfriend, who is standing by his car with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans with his back to me. Then I turn back to Dad and shrug.

A moment later Sokka and Suki arrive. They hastily make their way inside. It's obvious that the shift between Jet and I is felt by everyone.

I slide out of the truck with my heart in my throat. I don't know why I'm so anxious. I have no reason to be. I haven't done anything wrong. But it doesn't stop my stomach from doing nervous little flips.

I hear Dad shut the truck door behind me. His boots crunch on the gravel as he slowly makes his way to the front door. I can tell he lingers because he's worried. I want to assure him that everything is fine, but I can't find my voice.

I walk over to Jet and tuck my hands into the pockets of my windbreaker. A breeze has picked up, smelling sharply of the sea, and it's cold.

Dad is lingering by the front door. I meet his gaze and give him a reassuring smile, and then he returns it weakly before going inside. Then it's just Jet and I. We stand in tense silence until Jet speaks.

"So, that Zuko guy is a friend of yours, huh?"

I peek up at him from the corner of my eye. His jaw is a hard line and his brows are furrowed. Again, I wonder what it is about Zuko that's set him off so badly. I decide it's best to be honest.

"Yeah," I say. "We met a few weeks ago. I've been helping him and his uncle get everything ready to open at their tea shop."

"That's cool, I guess." His gaze flickers down to me. "I guess I'm just surprised. You didn't say anything about him." A pause, and then he adds, "It's not like we haven't been talking."

I shrug. "I didn't think it was a big deal."

"Some new guy is hanging around my girl? Yeah, that's kind of a big deal." His words are sharp and angry.

Anger boils within me, under my skin, red-hot and pulsing like a wildfire. I turn to him, my brow furrowing angrily.

"What, do you think I'm cheating on you?" I demand to know, borderline incredulous.

Jet looks at me, his mouth set in a scowl. Then he looks away. "No, of course not. But isn't it a little weird that you didn't say anything about this guy? At all?"

"Dad knew about him," I say defensively.

"Oh yeah, and that makes it all better," Jet snaps. "Your dad hates me. Of course he'll be fine with some guy hanging around you."

"You never had this problem with Aang!" I say, my tone accusing.

Jet rounds on me, jabbing a finger at my face. "That's because I know you don't see Aang as anything more than a friend. He might have some puppy love for you, but I know you don't feel the same."

His words lash at me. Does everyone know how Aang feels about me?

"You're right. I don't." I pick my words carefully. "And Zuko is just a friend, too."

Jet exhales sharply through his nose. "I'm just a little upset that I didn't know about this guy. It just took me by surprise, alright?"

"I was going to tell you about him. I was actually going to introduce the two of you." I huff out a breath. "I just didn't expect him to be at Nan's. So I'm sorry."

I don't really know why I'm apologizing. I don't think that I have anything to be sorry for. But I don't want to fight with Jet anymore. My feelings are confusing enough as it is, and I suddenly feel very, very tired.

Jet nods slowly. "Yeah. I'm sorry for getting mad. I just...I don't know. I don't think I like the guy."

I look at him incredulously. "You don't even know him."

"Call it instinct, or whatever." Jet shrugs. "But I'm telling you, that guy gives me bad vibes."

I open my mouth to defend Zuko. How can Jet even say something like that about someone he doesn't even know? Zuko is probably one of the nicest people I've ever met. But I can't say anything without Jet taking it the wrong way, so I close my mouth.

"What's his story anyway?" Jet asks me.

I swallow hard. "I told you. He and his uncle moved here from Seattle."

"Yeah, but why?"

I don't really know. It has something to do with Zuko's dad, but I don't know anything else. I'm not going to tell Jet that though.

"I don't know. Why do people move?" I shrug. "Does it matter?"

Jet won't quite meet my eye. "I guess it doesn't." He rubs the back of his neck. "I think I'm gonna take off. I should get back to my uncle's."

I nod. "Okay."

I know he probably expects me to put up a fight and maybe ask him to stay a little longer, but I don't want to. I don't like the way he's acting, or the assumptions he's making about Zuko.

He kisses me then, chastely. I can taste something on his lips but I'm not sure what it is. I wonder what he tastes on mine.

He studies my face for a moment. "We're still going for a hike tomorrow?"

I force myself to smile. "Yup. Me, you, Sokka, and Suki."

Jet nods. He looks at me for a moment, and I see something in his eyes. It's the same thing I tasted on his lips. He looks like a hunted animal.

He gets in the Mazda without another word. I stand there until he backs away and drives off down the street. When he's gone, I stand in the silence, listening to the waves crash against the shore and the calls of owls in the evergreens.

Something has changed between us again. It happened in those moments at Nan's, where Zuko was fumbling his way through introductions and Jet was staring him down like he had something to prove. No—that's not right. Jet was staring at him like Zuko was encroaching on his territory, like Zuko had no right to be there. But there was something more. I can't quite figure out what.

I wish I can grab time and force it to hold still, just for a moment, just so I can catch my breath. Things keep shifting and changing right in front of me and I'm powerless to stop it. It started with my mom. Then Toph and Aang. Things with Jet and I have been shifting almost imperceptibly since my mom died. Then Zuko came along and I got swept up in this hurricane of thoughts and feelings.

I don't know what I'm doing.

I love Jet. But I can't deny that there is something there between Zuko and I. It's a fuse. And if we ignite it, what will happen? Will we catch fire and burn bright in the dark like a bonfire? Or will we explode, like a bomb?

But nothing can happen. That fuse has to lay dormant between us, because I have a boyfriend. But what if something happens between Jet and I? Can I light a match and ignite that fuse?

I am not a risk taker. I find comfort in familiarity. I wear it like armor. I float on the waves of life and let them carry me wherever they want me to be. I had plans and dreams once, but they were shattered with the shards of windshield glass on a curve between Brighton and Wheeler, and ever since then I have been drifting.

But these shifts cannot be ignored. I am changing. I am not the person who I used to be. That girl is dead. I'm someone new, and I've hung in limbo for the past year instead of trying to figure out who I am. I've been afraid of change. I've built my life around my friends, my boyfriend, with the foolish thought that things would stay the same. But everything is changing, and I think I've reached a point of no return. Perhaps it's time to find myself.

I am dynamite. I know that now. I can feel it heavy in my stomach. There will be a detonation, and then I'm going to explode. And when the smoke and ash clears, I will be left in the wreckage. But I'll pick the pieces up and create something wholly new.

I look out over the town. A fog is rolling in, but I know somewhere amongst these streets that I've known my whole life, there is a young man with a scar who has come into my life and made me question everything that I thought I knew. He has breathed life into my deflated lungs and kickstarted my heart. Because of him, I can feel the thunder of my pulse. He has gotten into my bloodstream and made himself at home.

I am standing on the edge of a cliff. Behind me is the comfort of familiarity, places and people I've always known. In front of me, there is something new and unknown. I can turn back and sink into what I know. Or I can jump, and pray that Zuko catches me.

I think about Jet's visceral reaction and what it might mean. I don't like the taste it leaves in my mouth. I've never known Jet to be jealous or possessive, and I'm not sure how to handle this. Will he get over it? Or will this always be a problem now? I don't know.

I stay on the edge of the cliff and go inside.

Zuko

When all I can hear is the sounds of Rhett and Uncle's snoring, I put on my shoes and slip out of the loft. The rain hasn't come, but a brisk fog has rolled in, and I sink deeper into my hoodie to ward off the chill. My sneakers clank on the metal stairs. The sound is muffled by the fog.

I unlock my car and sit in the driver's seat. It really is cold, so I turn the engine on and wait for the motor to warm up so I can run the heater. While I wait, I pull out my phone and open up my contacts. I try to ignore the way my fingers are shaking. It's not from the cold.

I don't understand why I'm so nervous. This shouldn't be so terrifying. I've stood up to my father, I've faced his wrath, and I wasn't even this afraid then. I was making the right decision then, and I'm making the right decision now. But I'm afraid.

I've always been afraid of heights. It's just one of those stupid things. But I remember as a young teen, only fourteen or so, I'd gone with Azula and our friends to a swimming hole just outside of Seattle. It was a creek, but there was this part that was a drop-off, a circular lake in the middle of the creek. There was a jumping point fifty feet above it that people would take the plunge into the cold water below, diving down into an endless depth until they could barely see the light above.

Somehow, I'd managed to let my friends and sister convince me to go up to the top and jump. I'd never done it before, but they all had, and Azula and Rhett had called my masculinity into question. What, are you a pussy? Rhett had teased. Don't be such a baby, Zuzu, Azula had goaded. It had made me angry enough to climb up to the top, but when I had gotten to the edge, I froze. It was a long way down, and the water looked up at me like the mouth of a great beast, ready to swallow me up.

Azula had pushed me over the edge.

I didn't scream when I went down, even though I wanted to. The wind rushed past me and stole my breath, and then I was cutting through the water, pushing down into the icy depths. I never reached the bottom.

I thrashed for the surface and when I finally broke through, gasping for air and scared enough I could have peed my pants, I'd looked up and seen my friends still standing there, laughing. But they were far away, and I could barely hear their laughter. As I swam for the edge and pulled myself onto the shore, chest heaving and limbs trembling, I'd realized something about my fear of heights.

I'm not afraid of falling. I'm afraid of the landing.

I flick on the heater and warm air blows over my face. I click on my sister's name and put the phone to my ear. I don't know if she'll answer. Part of me hopes she doesn't.

But I'm falling now, and I need to know what's waiting for me at the bottom. Azula will have some of the answers I need.

Her voice, irritated, comes over the line. "What do you want, Zuko? You realize it's after midnight, don't you?"

I narrow my eyes and my mouth opens with a sharp retort on the tip of my tongue. You called me at midnight a week ago. But I can't say the words. I need to keep my temper in check.

"I know. I'm sorry. But I need to ask you something." I exhale. "It's important."

"So important that it couldn't wait for a more decent hour?" Azula makes a sound that is almost a snort. She doesn't snort. It's not ladylike. But it conveys her annoyance all the same. "What is it?"

I take a breath and steel my nerves. "Do you remember Chan's party? The one from winter break?"

There is silence on the other end. Then, her voice wary, Azula asks me, "What about it?"

I swallow hard. "That...that guy. The one who…" I trail off. I steel myself and press on. "The one who touched you. What was his name?"

I just need to know for sure, even though, in the pit of my stomach, I already do. Rhett had confirmed it, but I need to hear it from Azula.

"Why?" Azula's voice is as sharp as a knife's edge.

I take a breath. "I just need to know."

Azula considers this for a moment before she answers. "His name was Jet."

Her words resonate within me like church bells ringing a death note. It confirms what I already know. A sick feeling spreads in my belly and I swallow back the bile that rises in my throat. I thought knowing for sure would make this easier. It doesn't.

"Why?" she asks again. "Did Rhett bring it up?"

So she knows Rhett came to visit me. My irritation flares, but it's miniscule compared to the other emotions churning inside of me. Rhett didn't tell me anyone but Mai knew he was coming to visit, but I suppose I should have known. Azula knows everything.

"Not exactly." I don't know what all I should tell her. I don't want to tell her about Katara. That seems like a very bad idea. So I fudge the truth a little bit. "He's from here. I saw him."

I hear her sharp intake of breath. "Did he say something to you?"

"No, not really. But I think he recognized me." That seems safe enough to say. I clear my throat. "What...exactly...happened...at the party? You never really told me."

Azula makes an indignant sound. "Of course not. Why would I?"

"Because I'm your brother?"

Azula is quiet again. The silence stretches out between us, and I wonder if she's going to tell me at all. But then she speaks. Her voice is low, a murmur, like she doesn't really want me to hear.

"If I'd told you then, you would have killed him."

Her words are a frigid punch to the gut. Anxiety crawls across my skin. I swallow again. I can see the party. I can see Azula screaming at him, her words incoherent. And I see Jet standing there, that cocky grin on his face. My free hand tightens into a fist.

I've never had the best relationship with Azula. She has always tormented me, and our father has pitted us against each other for as long as I can remember. But she's still my sister, and I love her. And if something bad happened to her, I want to know. I need to know.

"What happened, Zula?"

I haven't used her nickname since we were kids. It's almost a manipulation tactic, and I almost feel guilty for doing it. But I need to know. And it's not just because I want all the evidence I can have when I tell Katara. If Jet hurt my sister, I need to know what happened.

"I don't remember all of it." Her voice is still quiet. "I was pretty drunk."

I clench my jaw. "Tell me what you remember."

"I don't think that's a wise idea, Zuko."

"Azula—"

"Zuko!" Her voice is shrill. I hear Azula take a breath. I can hear the way it trembles. "I don't remember all of it, okay? I remember talking to him. He told me he was in a band from Eugene. He seemed nice. Charming. He was trying really hard, you know? But you know my rule. If I've had more than five drinks, I don't do anything."

I know that it's a rule Azula has set for herself. She is always in control. And if she drinks too much and that control slips, she still handles herself according to her own standards. It's admirable, really, and honestly surprising to hear that she let that control slip.

"So what happened?" I prod again. It's a struggle to keep my voice calm.

She's getting irritated. "Zuko, I really don't want to talk about this. It's in the past. Can't you just let it go?"

"I need to know, Azula."

"No, you don't!" Her words are sharp again. "You need to let this go. It's over. Done. Why bring it up now?"

Because I didn't push hard enough then. I was too wrapped up in myself to really think about why Azula had called me that night instead of ordering an Uber. Me, the brother she can barely stand. I was tired and angry and my life was imploding and all I wanted to do was go back to sleep and pretend my life wasn't falling apart. But I should have known then that Jet had done more than feel her up.

Azula might have a temper like me, but she is a blizzard to my wildfire. She is icy and calculating, always striking with precision. She never loses control.

But I can see her, how she was at that party. Her eyes were too-wide in her face. Her hair, always perfect, was mussed. Her clothes, a little red dress, were rumpled and hitched up near the tops of her thighs.

When I'd walked in she'd been screaming incoherent slurs and expletives at Jet, who just watched with that lopsided grin like it was funny. Honestly, I'd thought he'd rejected her. I'd dragged Azula from the party and to my car, barely catching Rhett's eye as we left.

Once we stepped out into the cold air, the flames died within her and she'd wrapped her arms around herself and let me guide her into the passenger seat. She'd been out of it, and I could smell the tequila on her. She had just stared out of the windshield, and I'd had to buckle her in. I'd draped my jacket over her lap.

I asked what happened. Of course I did. But Azula had just said he'd gotten "handsy." And that had been that. When she'd come out of her room the next morning, she had acted like the night before had never even happened. And I'd let it go.

"Because I just need to," I say quietly. "Please, Azula."

And then I hear her sob. There's a shuffling sound on her end, before she comes back on.

"Don't make me say it, Zuko. Don't make me tell you what he did." I haven't heard my sister cry since we were kids. The sound settles in my gut like a ball of lead. "Please."

My hand clenches around the phone and I grind my teeth together so hard my jaw aches. I squeeze my eyes shut. My hands are shaking, but now it's not from fear. It's from anger.

All I see behind my closed eyelids is Jet's smirk. I want to punch it right off of his face. And then I want to choke the life right out of him.

It doesn't matter that Azula and I have spent most of our lives pitted against each other, hating each other. She's my sister.

"Zuko—"

"I'm so sorry, Azula." I say the words from between my clenched teeth.

She sniffles. "What are you going to do, Zuko?"

The truth is that I don't know. I'm so angry that I'm seeing red. I don't know what I expected when I called Azula, but it wasn't this. And now there's a fire burning in me and I better think carefully about what I do next or I'm going to end up doing something I'll regret.

"I'll figure it out."

"Zuko, please just let it go."

"I don't think I can do that."

I think of Katara being with him and my stomach curdles. If I wasn't sure about telling Katara the truth before, I am now.

"I'll call you later, Azula."

"Zuko, wait—"

I hang up the phone, shift my car into drive, and press on the gas.