My entry to PCL's drabble challenge: Fflewddur's first meeting with Adaon, keyword "broken"
Original can be found on the "Bards of Prydain" forum. This is the updated version.
Compelling
They stopped him mid-boast, as arresting as any broken string.
The piercing clarity of Taliesin's eyes was already unnerving, even when they were in Taliesin's face where they belonged. Seeing them shining from the face of his son was enough startle anyone used to seeing them elsewhere. They were so much older than the rest of the lad.
Their intensity unsettled him less than his sense of their keen perception. There was mirth, not reproach in their frank light; yet he felt, under that grey gaze, that if all men had such eyes, his harp strings would be safe forever.
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More than a small tweak! But this, although I may have traded some of the elegance of the original, conveys my concept a little better. I think. You all can tell me which one you like more. :)