Almost half-way there guys! ; D

"Is this blood?"

I shook all over. My heart was pounding and my blood was pumping, rushing through my body and blocking my hearing. Not only was I caught, but I was still in the middle of an episode.

Without glancing towards Natsume, I pushed off the bed to the bathroom and began to cough my blood into the cleaned toilet. I always hated throwing up; coughing blood up was a thousand times worse. It left me suffocated, dehydrated and drained of any and all energy. No matter how badly I didn't want to let everything out, I had to. My body convulsed over and over again, collapsing in on itself as my weak lungs heaved for some form of air.

This is the last time, I thought. I won't be able to take another breath in this life time.

Then, a hand tickled the back of my neck and lifted my hair out of my face. I turned my head just enough to see Natsume, staring down at me in defeat. He wiped the beads of sweat collected on my brows off with a cool, damp washcloth. I smiled softly, greatly appreciating his help. Then, another convulsion hit me. I lurched over the toilet, coughing while clutching the edge of the seat tightly in agony and disdain.

Natsume got down on his knees, taking his cool hands and pressing them against the back on my neck. "It's okay," he murmured. "It'll be okay."

I shook my head. "It's never gone on for this...for this long." I wiped the blood that had dripped from the corner of my mouth with my quaking hand. "The more I cough, the more blood that was able to penetrate-"

I felt my stomach churn and I collapsed over the toilet again, refusing to let my pent up tears run along the lines of my cheeks. I may have Tuberculosis, I chanted in my head as I felt myself weakening. But Tuberculosis does not have me.

After a final lurch, I rolled off the side of the toilet and propped myself up against the wall, my head drooping but my eyes strong. Natsume was watching me, warily glancing from the sink to my face. I shook my head, knowing that water just made everything feel worse. I needed time to cool off.

"The more I cough..." I continued meekly, "the more blood that was able...to penetrate my lungs." I gasped for air again and again, trying to set my breathing into a rhythm. My heart was beating out of control and my blood was still pulsing as my adrenaline began to ease.

"I'm sorry," I whispered softly, clutching my hand into a fist. "I'm so sorry."

Natsume shook his head, wiping my lips with the damp wash cloth.

"No one...no one should see that."

He stilled, his hand in mid-air. Then, his eyes hardened and his jaw tightened until I could hear the squeak of his teeth grinding together. Natsume was lost in his overbearing thoughts, obviously drowning in some form of despair.

Using most of my energy, I lifted my arm and rubbed his jaw, soothing away the tension. His eyes focused on me and they softened. He was concerned, worried, confused, helpless, upset.

"No one should endure that," he replied.

I lifted myself from my spot on the floor, stumbling and causing Natsume to leap and wrap his arms around my waist. I leaned into him for support and whispered, "Water, please."

He reached around me and filled a glass cup with some water. I took it, my entire body still shivering, and slowly sipped it. Natsume led me to the bed, easing me down into the cushions. All I could taste was the metallic flavor of blood. Plus the back of my throat felt as thought I had swallowed a metal, spikey ball.

The crimson-eyed boy stayed by my side, watching my every movement, trying to decipher what he should do. He looked at me as though I were a delicate flower on a rainy day. He looked at me as though I were his dying girlfriend.

I put a small, reassuring smile on my face. "It's okay."

Natsume nodded unsurely.

I saw my phone light up on the nightstand. Natsume looked behind him and saw it too, quickly picking it up and handing it to me. The caller ID said 'Hotaru Imai'.

With a swipe of my finger we were connected through the phone lines.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice thick with worry.

I swallowed another sip of water. "I coughed up some blood."

Hotaru was silent on the other end. "Some?"

She could always tell when I was lying, over exaggerating or under exaggerating things. For that reason, I hated her. Because she knew me so well, I had no way of protecting her from the horrible truth that was me.

"A lot," I whispered quietly.

I was ashamed. Ashamed to tell the person that I loved more than anyone that I was closer. Ashamed to tell her what I had just involuntarily done. I was remorseful. Remorseful that I hadn't let her go when I had the chance. Remorseful that I was being so selfish and keeping her close while making her suffer. Remorseful that I wouldn't be able to finish my bucket list.

"I'll be over in a few minutes," she murmured, her voice breathless.

I cleared my throat, trying to sound better than I was. "I'm in Natsume's room. Just knock and we'll let you in."

It was silent on the other end for a long time. I thought she hung up but when I checked the screen it said the call was still going on.

"Okay," she finally uttered.

"I'll see you soon, Hotaru," I said.

"See you soon."

I hung up the phone and fell back into the bed. Natsume was silent, the air becoming more palpable by the minute. All I wanted was for Hotaru to show up and rescue me from this unsettling situation. He wanted to know the truth; he wanted to know everything. It was written all over his face when I peeked through my closed lids and quickly glanced at him. But I didn't want to let him in.

He took the glass out of my hand. "Mikan."

Finally, I opened my eyes and sighed. "Natsume."

The boy narrowed his eyes. I replied by raising my eyebrows. Natsume took a deep breath and raked his hands through his hair. He placed his elbows on his knees and leaned into his open palm. His crimson eyes didn't become sad like I had expected them to. They showed the single emotion I never thought I'd see from Natsume Hyuuga: fear. He was afraid of me, my disease. Natsume was afraid of my blood, however, more than anything. It was obvious as he glanced at the rim of my glass, slightly flinching as the remaining blood that had been in my mouth trickled down the transparent side.

"It started about five years ago," I said, gazing out of the balcony doors before I could stop myself. "My family and I took a vacation to China; we wanted to see the Great Wall, my brother and I." I laughed at the irony of it all. It was my own fault that this was happening to me. "I never had a strong immune system. More often than not I was sitting inside on my weekends on a date with my tissue box."

I was quiet for a minute, trying to find the words that needed to be said. "Did you know," I asked, turning to Natsume with tear-filled eyes, "that Tuberculosis is extremely popular in China?"

Natsume's eyes widened and his chest stopped rising and falling. His lips began to move but no words came out. He was in denial, slowly shaking his head. I stayed silent, watching as he digested everything, trying to convince himself that he was merely misunderstanding my story. When I gave him no comforts, he forced his eyes out to the balcony. My throat began to close at his agony. How was I supposed to keep myself composed when Natsume was acting so vulnerable and desperate?

"It was latent for a while, just wresting in my lungs for three years. But then, I woke up one night and my bed was soaked." I laughed at the memory. "I thought I'd wet the bed! I was almost in tears, so embarrassed...I wish it had been a bed-wetting incident. I was so naïve. I never told anyone about the incident, nor did I when it happened the next night, or the next night, or the next."

I covered my eyes with the crook of my elbow as I began to reminisce of the past. It had been a long time since I had last spoken of the beginning of my demise. I had forgotten how much I hated it.

"Soon, it wasn't only bed-wetting. I developed a serious cough and loss my appetite which resulted in a major weight loss. My parents, my brother and I, we all thought it was another cold I had picked up...but then my dad figured out about my bed-wetting." I shook my head, a sickened smile decorating my face. "He said I wasn't wetting the bed, I was just sweating a lot. After, when I started getting fevers and was so tired that I couldn't go to school, we went to the doctors."

Natsume's eyes were distant, watching the flicker of the light as his body continued to tense. He had brought his pain upon himself. I gave him the option to not know, to be set free; but he had refused. It wasn't my fault he was in pain. I didn't destroy everyone that I became friends with. I wasn't that big of a monster. But I was; no matter how many times I tried to convince myself otherwise, I always came about the same conclusion: I was a monster.

"They took an x-ray first. I thought, 'If they're taking an x-ray first, there must be something seriously wrong'. My parents waited in the office with me as they reviewed the test. They held my hands in both of their own, probably thinking the same as me." I pulled my arm away from my face, staring stoically at the ceiling. "The doctor came back in. He took a sputum test where they get a sample of my mucus when I cough. They also injected a needle into my arm. 'Please come back in two days' they said.

"We waited the two days. My parents got mad, complaining about how the doctors weren't telling them anything. I hadn't told any of my friends about what was going on - not even Hotaru. The only person I allowed myself to rely on was my brother. Even so, I never told him about the angry, red bump that was swelling where the doctor had injected me. When we went back to the office, the doctor took one look at my arm and collapsed into his chair." I cleared my throat and looked at Natsume, waiting for him to connect his gaze with mine. "'I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry, Mikan,' he'd said, his face in his clenched palm. 'You have Active Tuberculosis'."

Tears reluctantly fell down my face but I didn't move to swipe them away. "Dad was shocked silent but Mom was in denial. She asked for the proof. The doctor handed her the x-rays of my chest...They said the white was where the Tuberculosis had spread to and Natsume, I light up like a Christmas tree." I laughed at my cruel joke. "They recommended a lot of medication and told me to go to the hospital. 'The skin test - the red, swelling bump - proved that the Tuberculosis has spread a great deal...the treatments can help delay...' is what he'd said. Mom thanked him but as soon as the door shut behind him, she began to sob uncontrollably. Dad reached over and patted her back but when I looked at him, he had tears silently rolling from his blank eyes. They were devastated...but not more than me.

"I got up and ran out of the door. I ran out of the town that the office was in and all the way to my town. I had been a track star you know," I declared almost in pride, allowing a small smile to uplift the corners of my mouth. But then they fell again. "Was. I ran to Hotaru's house, barely a three mile run. It should've been a breeze. But when I got there, tears frozen to my face and hyperventilating - extremely dehydrated - I ran past my best friend when she opened the door and puked blood up in her sink." There was a soft knock at the door. "That's all I had to do for her to know..." I stood and began to walk towards the door, stopping to look back at Natsume. "That was the only time I'd ever seen Hotaru cry."

He sat in silent shock, his eyes trying to find the image of a healthier, better me. Natsume had seen that me a few hours before and yet, the most memorable thing about me had and always will be me having Tuberculosis. I did have TB, and it had me too.

I smiled a sad smile, tipping my head to the side as the sorrow pulsed through me. "If I smile just like this, I look like a normal girl, right?"

Natsume stood, finally finding his sense of mind. His eyes were saddened, his brows shriveled in disbelief, but his fists were shaking and his jaw was taught. "Mikan..."

I kept my smile in place as he walked up to me. He raised his hand and swiped away the tears that had escaped my lids.

"Well," I defended weakly, "most of the time I look normal...but sometimes, my crazy leaks like this." I indicated to my tears, laughed bitterly and turned the handle, apprehensively looking up at Natsume. "I was sixteen when I was diagnosed...the medication isn't going to last much longer."

His face collapsed, his mouth opening in protest as he shook his head slowly and reached for my cheek. I put on one final smile, putting a finger to my pursed lips, and exited the room.

"How are you feeling?" Hotaru asked immediately after I walked past her.

I didn't reply until we entered our own room. Standing between the beds, Hotaru in front of me, waiting for her answer, I looked up at ceiling. The sky was dark outside with stars decorating the horizon. But here, inside, it was light. We couldn't see the dark, we could only feel it for now.

"I'm horrible," I whispered, more tears cascading from my eyes. "Most people go away from the darkness; they hide inside where they can turn on a light and fall into a blissful sleep alight with bright dreams."

Hotaru took an uncertain step towards me. I looked at her, trying to ease her concern with a smile. She shook her head, her eyebrows crumpling just as Natsume's had. Why did I hurt everyone? Why had Tuberculosis turned me into such a monster? I always thought of myself as a caring person but now I'd seen the truth. I'm selfishly pulling anyone who is willing down into this abyss of mine. I'm a monster, I always have been. Tuberculosis didn't turn me into anything, it only covered me in light so that I couldn't hide anything - my emotions, my personality not even my destiny.

"Most people go away from the darkness; but he runs into it..." My knees gave out and I collapsed onto the ground, heaving with noisy, unpleasant sobs. "I'm horrible...such a monster...I knew he'd run in...I'm horrible!"

Hotaru fell beside me and embraced me tightly, denying my words and stroking my hair.

I pulled back and looked at her with crazed, lost eyes. "How can I be soaked in light but remain a mass of darkness?" I asked pitifully. "How?"

Please tell me your opinions : ) I don't know how well I portrayed this chapter so I'd love some feedback. Thank you for reading!